What's a Man to Do? - The Dr. Laura Podcast

Summary

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
Episode: What's a Man to Do?
Release Date: April 12, 2025

Introduction

In the April 12, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses complex marital issues brought forward by a distressed caller, Lisa. Hosted on SiriusXM Triumph 111, this episode delves deep into the challenges of maintaining trust and intimacy in a relationship strained by neglect and infidelity.

Caller’s Background

Caller: Lisa
Timestamp: [01:18]

Lisa initiates the conversation by expressing her anxiety and excitement about seeking Dr. Laura's wisdom regarding persistent marital problems. She recounts a long-standing struggle that traces back to the early days of motherhood, where her focus on being an exemplary mother overshadowed her attention to her husband, leading to feelings of neglect on both sides.

The Dilemma

Issue of Neglect and Emotional Disconnect
Timestamp: [01:29]

Lisa confesses that her efforts to excel as a mother resulted in inadvertently neglecting her husband. This emotional disconnect fostered a sexless marriage, prompting Lisa to seek medical help for her COPD, which introduced additional strain into their relationship dynamics.

Discovery of Infidelity
Timestamp: [01:29] - [03:06]

While reading Dr. Laura's book, Lisa uncovers the emotional and physical distance from her husband. Her suspicions are confirmed when she catches her husband viewing pornographic material and engaging with pictures of other women. Confronting him leads to heated arguments, during which Lisa demands he eliminate all representations of other women from his possessions. Although he deletes some, not all are removed, exacerbating Lisa's distrust.

Impact of Medical Issues
Timestamp: [03:06] - [06:26]

Adding to the complexity, Lisa reveals her COPD diagnosis, which requires her to use oxygen at night. This medical condition heightens her fears about the stability of her marriage and her ability to trust her husband moving forward.

Dr. Laura's Response

Addressing Sexual Responsibility in Marriage
Timestamp: [03:06] - [06:26]

Dr. Laura challenges Lisa's stance by questioning what she expects her husband to do if she continues to withhold sexual intimacy. She emphasizes that men are inherently sexual beings and suggests that they seek fulfillment outside the marriage—be it through prostitutes, girlfriends, or other means—if one partner is unwilling to engage.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura states, "Men tend to be more sexually invested than women are... What do you want them to do?" [05:47]

Confronting Trust Issues
Timestamp: [06:26] - [07:53]

Dr. Laura critiques Lisa's reluctance to understand her husband's perspective. She points out that despite his shortcomings, Lisa's husband chose to stay married rather than seeking alternate sexual gratification. Dr. Laura urges Lisa to consider the broader implications of her actions on the marital relationship and questions her expectations.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura remarks, "He didn't dump your ass. He stayed married to you. He didn't go to a prostitute... Can't believe you're not more understanding." [05:47]

Final Thoughts and Contact Information
Timestamp: [07:53] - [08:19]

As the discussion concludes, Dr. Laura expresses frustration with the situation, reiterating her stance on male sexuality and marital responsibilities. She provides her contact information for further assistance and encourages listeners to engage with her on social media for ongoing support and content.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura emphasizes, "I just wonder, what do you women want? Do you want the men to just leave you?" [06:00]

Insights and Takeaways

Balancing Parenthood and Partnership: Lisa's experience underscores the delicate balance between parenting responsibilities and maintaining a healthy marital relationship. Neglecting one can adversely affect the other.
Trust and Transparency: Trust is paramount in relationships. Infidelity, whether emotional or physical, breaches this trust and requires concerted effort to rebuild.
Sexual Intimacy as a Pillar: Sexual intimacy plays a crucial role in marital satisfaction. Both partners need to actively engage to foster a fulfilling relationship.
Communication is Key: Open and honest communication can help address underlying issues before they escalate into distrust and resentment.
Personal Responsibility: Both partners must take responsibility for their actions and contributions to the marital dynamic to foster mutual respect and understanding.

Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a candid and sometimes confrontational perspective on marital struggles related to neglect and infidelity. Through Lisa's case, listeners gain insights into the importance of maintaining balance in relationships, the significance of trust and intimacy, and the necessity of clear communication. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense advice serves as a catalyst for self-reflection and proactive measures in resolving deep-seated marital issues.

Connect with Dr. Laura Schlessinger:

Phone: 1-800-375-2872
Facebook: facebook.com/DrLora
Instagram: instagram.com/DrLauraprogram

Transcript

Dr. Laura (0:00)

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Lisa (1:18)

Hello. I am very anxious and excited to get some of your wisdom.

Dr. Laura (1:23)

Well, I'll do my best to scrounge some up. How can I help?

Lisa (1:29)

Well, my husband and I have been having some problems. It kind of went back to when I first had children and I didn't realize that I was trying to be a better mother than I had and I neglected my husband. Through reading your book I have found that out. I just started reading it again and I have been very weepy and I don't know what to do with this dilemma. I caught my husband looking at porn and enjoying himself and my children also walked in the house and caught him periodically. We he is also liked different pictures and whatever and I went through his phone and I said something to him about it and we had a big blow up and I said you need to get rid of all these ladies. So he deleted some of them but not all of them. When I looked at the phone again I said something to him about it that I was going to be done if he didn't. And so we before then we were kind of like in a sexless marriage. I have gone to the doctor to find things to help and anyway we have gotten well. He told me in the heat of anger he said that he would put a roof over my head and that has stuck with me and we're I still I'm working on my Trust with him trying to overcome it. Well, I have some. I have copd. And after reading your book, he did.

Dr. Laura (3:06)

Tell me before the question about the children. If. If you withdrew from being sexual with him for all those years after you were making kids, and then afterwards, what did you want him to do? Go to prostitutes?