When an Ex Says God Told Him to Return

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "When an Ex Says God Told Him to Return"

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: June 1, 2026
Main Caller: Kathy

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Kathy, a divorced woman whose ex-husband has approached her wanting to return to her life, claiming that “God keeps leading” him back. Dr. Laura offers her signature direct and practical advice, dissecting the caller’s circumstances, motivations, and vulnerabilities. The episode deeply explores themes of boundaries, loneliness, post-divorce cohabitation, personal and spiritual discernment, and the risks of self-deception in relationship dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Why Kathy’s Marriage Ended

• Kathy’s Situation: Divorced since 2023. After her father’s death, she and her husband moved into her mother’s house with their two young children.
• Dr. Laura’s Challenge: Dr. Laura is probing and persistently asks why Kathy would disturb her family’s privacy by moving in with her mother.
  • Dr. Laura: "You're a married woman. You have a husband and kids. Why would you disrupt that and move in with your mother?" [03:07]
• Caller’s Explanation: Kathy says familial guilt and pressure (especially from her sister) played a huge role, and her mother’s desire not to be alone was a driving factor.

2. Consequences of the Move

• The arrangement led to a “tumultuous” home environment.
• Kathy’s husband abruptly moved out, later leading to the divorce.
• Post-divorce, after Kathy’s mother died, Kathy found herself alone in a big house; the children are grown/moved out.

3. Ex-Husband Re-enters the Scene

• Recent Developments:

  • Ex-husband gradually became more present—helping with kids and house affairs after Kathy’s mother died, celebrating holidays together.
  • Recently, after their daughter’s graduation, he asked if Kathy would take him back, explaining that “God keeps leading me back to making this decision.”
  • However, he was noncommittal emotionally: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

• Kathy’s Response: Wants clarity about the nature of his return: “Is this a commitment or are we roommates?” [05:52]

• Ex-Husband’s Stance: He doesn't know about the future, only that God is leading him to return in some capacity.

4. Examining the “God Told Me” Reasoning

• Dr. Laura’s Critical Lens:

  • Questions the spiritual narrative:
    Dr. Laura: "I'm sorry. God's been talking to him. Is God talking to you? And what is God telling you?" [06:55]
  • Points out the potential for emotional manipulation or confusion when people claim divine instruction for ambiguous actions.

• Kathy’s Own Feelings: She does not feel a clear “divine directive”—rather, a sense that she should “be careful.”

  • Kathy: "God is saying to me, be careful." [10:06]

5. Loneliness, Boundaries, and Self-Respect

• Kathy’s Vulnerability: Expresses her own loneliness and desire for someone to “help” and be present.
• Dr. Laura’s Tough Love:
  • Warns Kathy about sliding into a roommate situation or worse, without commitment.
  • Dr. Laura: "Are you going to sleep with him, have sex with him, cook for him, clean his clothes... while he's not making a commitment?" [10:53]
  • Emphasizes Kathy must not hope for more than is being offered; underscores the risks of being “a silly woman” hoping things will change when they’ve been clearly stated otherwise.

6. Clarifying the Living Arrangement

• Kathy and her ex discussed paying rent, not sex, and simply being roommates.
• Kathy still hopes for more—a rekindled relationship.
• Dr. Laura’s Direct Warning:
  • Dr. Laura: "You're a foolish, foolish, weak woman if you count on that to change." [12:26]
  • “If you don't mind your life being casual from this point on, he's giving you the opportunity to do that. I just feel bad—I think you should have kept it going the way it was.” [12:38]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura pulling no punches:
  • "Don't be a silly woman. I talk to enough of those—don't be a silly woman." [11:31]
• On using God’s name to justify emotional ambiguity:
  • "I'm not sure God's telling a man to have sex with you, to hang with you, to have you clean for him, love him when he's not committed to you. I have a hard time believing God does that." [11:50]
• On loneliness as a motivator:
  • Kathy: "But I am lonely. He is very good to me. Right?" [10:40]
  • Dr. Laura: "So you are going to be roommates?" [11:13]
• On clarity and expectations:
  • Dr. Laura: "Clarify to him: Roommates. And you expect him to pay rent?" [11:18]
• On self-deception:
  • "You're foolish and weak, in the hopes that... even God didn't tell him to make a commitment and he doesn't want to make a commitment and God didn't tell him that. He just said, 'Go hang with you.' And for you to believe anything he says about no sex, except for the one night he crawls into your bed, you know?" [12:36]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:38] – Caller introduction and Kathy’s backstory
• [03:07] – Dr. Laura probes reason for moving in with mother
• [05:20] – Divorce aftermath and ex-husband’s increased presence
• [06:55] – Ex-husband cites “God’s” direction; Dr. Laura challenges this
• [10:06] – Kathy shares her own feelings and intuition (“God says be careful”)
• [10:53] – Dr. Laura pushes on boundaries and cautions about cohabitation
• [11:31] – Discussion on hopes vs. reality: tough love and direct advice
• [12:26] – Dr. Laura warns against self-delusion and lack of clear commitment

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Takeaways

• Don’t conflate loneliness or desire for companionship with readiness for meaningful reconciliation.
• Beware when someone uses “God told me” to justify ambiguous or non-committal actions.
• Accept only what is clearly offered, not what you hope might develop against all present evidence.
• Maintain boundaries, self-respect, and clarity in post-divorce interactions, especially when vulnerabilities run high.
• Dr. Laura’s tone: Fiercely direct, no-nonsense, and adamant about self-protection and realism in the face of emotional temptation.

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If you haven’t listened to the episode, this summary covers the essential conflict, the caller’s dilemma, Dr. Laura’s sharp interventions, and the wisdom imparted on emotional boundaries and discernment after divorce.

Transcript

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[Kathy (Caller)]

Hi Dr. Lara, I need you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi Kathy.

[Kathy (Caller)]

So I wanted to ask your advice because I'm just in a circle of lots of things in my head. I am divorced since 2023, officially.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And why is that? Why is that? Why is that?

[Kathy (Caller)]

My, my husband, without any warning, left me, just said to me one day, I got an apartment and I'm leaving now. I give him a little grace only because it was a tumultuous situation here in the house or my mother. We moved in with my mother after my father unexpectedly died. So he and I and our two very small children moved into this giant, like family home. So that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why did you guys do that? Why did you leave up your privacy to move in with your mother?

[Kathy (Caller)]

You know, it was a huge, huge mistake.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And no, no, no, that's not the question. The question is why would you do this in the first place to your husband and your kids?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Well, because at the time our family is just very, I only have one sister, very close knit. We were always over Here.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, let me repeat myself. You're a married woman. You have a husband and kids. Why would you disrupt that and move in with your husband?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Well, my mom. Convinced. Not even convinced. She laid it out to us both. Not just me. Laid it out to me and my husband both. Like, look, you guys could have a great life here. This huge house with the pool and the land and the blah, blah, blah. And I could take care of the kids when you're, you know, off to work. They were both in school by then. One was in preschool, one was in, you know, first grade or whatever. And I'll take care of the kids before and after school. We can all be together. It really was. I know this. It was her selfishness of not wanting to be alone, and it was us being guilted by my sister and her husband. Like, someone has to take care of mom and we pick you. So we did. That's why. That's why we did it. We did it together. It wasn't my choice. It wasn't. Say, I didn't make any. Making the ultimatums. We all. We. We all thought this was going to be a great idea. It. And it wasn't. It was not a great idea. It turned bad. And it ebbed and flowed from bad, whatever. And he left. He left. But now my. My mom passed away last year, and I'm in the house alone. My children are. One's married and the other one's in college. Well, she just graduated, but she nevertheless is not here. And I'm here in this giant house alone. And he. We have. We were very tumultuous in the beginning, of course, with the divorce. But then we tried to be nice to each other when we were in the company of our children and so on and so forth. And then it began to be like, after my mom died, he stepped up. He came, he took care of the kids. He took care of things around the house here while I was trying to get my mom's affairs in order. And from then on, he has been in our lives. You know, like, oh, it's Abby's birthday. Why don't you come on over? Oh, it's Christmas. Don't spend it by yourself. Just come on over. And through a couple of years of this, he's, like, always here. And we talked about it before, and it was a big, giant shutdown of, no, I'm not coming back. But just on Saturday after my daughter's graduation, he said, I've been praying. I've been thinking about this, and I want to know if you will have me back. And I said, okay, have you back, as in a commitment or a roommate? I mean, what are we talking about here? He said, well, I don't. I love you. I hate when people say this. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. I. I don't understand that. But whatever, whatever. Psycho babble. That's what I call it in my mind. That is. I don't know. I, you know, I said, what are we going. Are we moving toward being in love with. With each other again? I mean, what, what, what is the goal? And he's like, I don't know. At this point, all I know is that God keeps leading me back to making this decision. And that's why I'm asking you. It was a gut punch. Hear that? I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. God's been talking to him. Is God talking to you?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Yeah. But I do feel.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And what is God telling you?

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

God is telling, not asking you your feelings. He says God is telling him to do this. Not to make a commitment to you, but to hang with you more. So what is God telling you about him wanting to hang with you more?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Well, between Saturday and today, God is saying to me, be careful, be careful. I think snow.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I wonder why God would give you cross purposes, telling you to be careful and telling him to go for it. That seems so odd. It seems like making more tumultuousness, giving you expectations and hopes. So why would God tell you be careful and tell him go for it?

[Kathy (Caller)]

I. I know that God is not of chaos. So that. That's what confuses me. But I am lonely. He is very good to me. Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like so are you going to sleep with him, have sex with him, cook for him, clean his clothes in his bathroom while he's not making a commitment. Well then what are you going to do? What are you going to do that's any different from what you've been doing up to today?

[Kathy (Caller)]

I would have someone here to help me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you are going to be roommates?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Roommates.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then clarify to him. Then clarify to him. Roommates. And you expect him to pay rent?

[Kathy (Caller)]

Well, we did talk about that and that was it. But I want more, Dr. Laura. I want.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But you're not getting more. You're not getting more. Don't be a silly woman. I talk to enough of those don't be a silly woman.

[Kathy (Caller)]

Well, don't you think he made it clear?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He made it clear it's not a commitment,

[Kathy (Caller)]

but, well, can it get to be one?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you know, unlikely. What you would think unlikely, since God has been talking to him for quite a while on this and he doesn't want to make a commitment. I'm not sure God's telling a man to have sex with you, to hang with you, to have you clean for him, love him when he's not committed to you. I have a hard time believing God does that.

[Kathy (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah. He made it clear that there was not going to be sex or sleeping together or roommate.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Roommate. And you're a foolish, foolish, weak woman if you count on that to change.

[Kathy (Caller)]

Okay, well, I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The reason you're going to do this is you're foolish and weak and the hopes that even God didn't tell him to make a commitment and he doesn't want to make a commitment, and God didn't tell him that. He just said to come hang with you. And for you to believe anything he says about no sex except for the one night he crawls into your bed, you know? Okay, you know what? If you don't mind your life being casual from this point on, he's giving you the opportunity to do that. I just feel bad. I think you should have kept it going the way it was. My number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

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