When Communicating With Your Ex Goes Wrong

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: When Communicating With Your Ex Goes Wrong
Date: February 1, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the complex dynamics of post-divorce communication, particularly focusing on boundaries between ex-spouses when new partners come into the picture. Dr. Laura uses a listener’s email as a case study to illustrate how well-intentioned interactions with an ex can go awry and spark conflict—especially when one party has moved on. The discussion is pointed, candid, and ultimately aims to help listeners reflect on their own post-divorce relationships, highlighting the importance of respecting new boundaries and prioritizing emotional clarity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Email Scenario

[00:46 – 02:58]

• Dr. Laura reads a listener's message:

  • The listener has been divorced for 20 years, remains on friendly terms with her ex, and they share a 23-year-old son.
  • The ex-husband recently started dating someone new; the girlfriend is uncomfortable with some texts the listener has sent (e.g., messages imagining life together).
  • A specific incident: the listener texted the ex at 11:30 p.m. about AMEX points; the girlfriend found this disrespectful.

• Dr. Laura’s initial reactions:

  • She humorously questions the urgency of the late-night text:

    “It was very urgent at 11:30 at night, how many AMEX points can I have?” (Dr. Laura, 01:43)

  • Highlights the unusualness of such late-night, non-emergency contact even among close friends.

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2. Boundaries & Respect in New Relationships

[04:57 – 06:33]

• Emergence of boundaries:

  • The listener feels boundaries are unnecessary because they’re requested by the ex’s girlfriend, not him.
  • Dr. Laura challenges this, stressing:

    “Do I have to respect it now? Yes.” (Dr. Laura, 05:54)

• Relationship transition:

  • Dr. Laura notes that the ex-husband previously catered to the listener’s needs out of compassion and past feelings, but circumstances have changed now he has a new partner.
  • The new girlfriend has legitimate expectations for boundaries.
  • Dr. Laura insists respect for the new relationship is warranted, regardless of how long the ex-wife has been in the picture.

• Healthy detachment:

  • Dr. Laura hints that clinging to a pseudo-marital dynamic post-divorce is problematic:

    “She expected that he was sort of a surrogate husband even though they were divorced for 20 years and I guess he catered to it because he had compassion for her and remembered all his feelings about her. But now he’s got a new babe. Sorry.” (Dr. Laura, 06:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On late-night texts:

  “I have a number of very good friends and I have never called one of them at 11:30 at night to ask about AMEX points.” (Dr. Laura, 02:19)

• On respecting boundaries:

  “If I had his number, I would text him and say turn your phone off at night. Duh duh.” (Dr. Laura, 06:08)

• On shifting roles post-divorce:

  “He chose her for the new part of his life and I’m the past.” (Listener email, summarized by Dr. Laura, 05:40)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:46] - Dr. Laura introduces the scenario and reads the listener’s email.
• [01:43] - Dr. Laura reacts humorously to the late-night AMEX text.
• [02:19] - Observations about typical friend boundaries.
• [04:57] - Listener’s resistance to new boundaries (Dr. Laura’s critical response).
• [05:54] - Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity of respecting the new partner’s wishes.
• [06:12] - Commentary on shifting post-divorce dynamics.

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura’s language is characteristic: direct, a mix of gentle sarcasm and tough love. She uses relatable examples and maintains an assertive tone, urging listeners to examine their own motivations and the realities of coexisting after divorce.

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Takeaways

• Practicing healthy boundaries with exes is essential, especially when new relationships are involved.
• Intentions don’t outweigh impact—seemingly innocuous actions can be disrespectful in the eyes of new partners.
• Post-divorce dynamics require honest self-reflection and willingness to adapt as situations change.
• Boundaries aren’t negotiable based on who requests them; they’re about mutual respect and moving forward.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals, helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24.7drlaura.com Send an email. It's drlauractorlora.com I've been divorced from my ex for 20 years. We have always been friendly. He recently started dating a new person. Now suddenly he texted me and said she was uncomfortable with some messages and statements I have made about imagining our lives together. They're divorced, mind you, and she still texts her ex husband about yeah, okay, and now suddenly he's saying I can't say things like that and it's disrespectful to his girlfriend and she's asking for boundaries to be set. Definitely whenever there's cattle. They recently moved in together so it's not like they're married. She's been in his life a year and I've been there for over 20. We have a 23 year old son. After we talked and he said he was respecting her by asking for boundaries, he then got mad at me because I texted him at 11:30 at night because I had a question and she's mad that I texted late at night. It was just about AMEX points. It was very urgent at 11:30 at night, how many AMEX points can I have? And he said it was disrespectful because it was late at night and caused problems because she is now miraculously insecure about my friendship. I'm sorry, I have a lot of friends. I shouldn't say I have a lot of friends. I have a number of very good friends and I have never called one of them at 11:30 at night to ask about Amex points.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I feel like I should not have to respect the boundaries because they're set by his girlfriend and not him and he's just doing it to make her happy. This woman has too many loose connections. My question is, am I being disrespectful? Yes, she is insecure by our friendship. No. Probably annoyed because I've been in his life much longer and she is claiming he chose her for the new part of his life and I'm the past. But he has never set a boundary before. So now she's admitting he's setting the boundary. Do I have to respect it now? Yes, I would also if I had his number, I would text him and say turn your phone off at night. Duh duh. She expected that he was sort of a surrogate husband even though they were divorced for 20 years and I guess he catered to it because he had compassion for her and remembered all his feelings about her. But now he's got a new babe. Sorry. All right, my number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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