
Lisa is frustrated and hurt when her aunt constantly praises her mother as wonderful. Got a dilemma? Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com - Listen to The Dr. Laura Program daily on SiriusXM Triumph 123.
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by my new sponsor, Chapter. Chapter compares every Medicare plan nationwide. Helps you find the one that fits. Get your answer with one free call to Chapter. Go to AskChapter.org today to get the clarity you deserve. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 7@drlaura.com Lisa welcome to the program.
Lisa (Caller)
Thank you, Dr. Laura. I have a strange situation. I was never very close with my mother. I didn't really. I didn't have a loving, doting mother. She was kind of like, I don't know, dismissive. Not close. Which is fine. I'm cordial. It all is totally fine. But. But I have an aunt who I've always been super close with. And we recently got together and this has happened many times that whenever we get together at some point she starts extolling the virtues of my wonderful mother and that I need to be so much closer and better and my.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Lisa. Lisa. Lisa.
Lisa (Caller)
Yep.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
They grew up together.
Lisa (Caller)
They did not know. It's my father's. Yeah, right. It's my father.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Sorry.
Lisa (Caller)
So it would be her.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Sorry.
Lisa (Caller)
Sister in law. Anyway.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
It doesn't matter. But it doesn't matter. Stop. She has loyalty, okay?
Lisa (Caller)
So when I told her that
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
she could either have loyalty as the biological sister or. Or she's married to your mother's brother. Either way, she's one of those Pollyanna types.
Lisa (Caller)
Yep.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
And she's going to make everything be nice. So smile and say, I appreciate your perspective. Give her a hug and get on with your life.
Lisa (Caller)
Well, I sent her a text saying it would be best. It would be best if we not talk about that because our.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
That's too bad that you said that. That's too bad.
Lisa (Caller)
Okay.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
But you sent it, so it's done. Okay. I would have urged you not.
Lisa (Caller)
Okay. So I should have just said it in person is what you're saying.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You should have just said. You know, we have different memories and different perspectives and you're just a wonderful person to care so much and give her a hug because it's about her caring for your mother, for you. She wants everything to be hunky dory. She's one of those people. So reality has no foundation. And it just. For a person like that, making a limit like that is very upsetting. They don't know what to do with it because they have not an evil bone in their bodies. Unfortunately, every now and then you have to have a little one. What?
Lisa (Caller)
Okay.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Okay.
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
So the next time you see her, she'll probably go on a little bit about and just give her a hug and say we've had different perspectives for quite a while and and you're just such a loving person and give her a hug and it'll be over.
Lisa (Caller)
Oh, I don't know. Because the response back from her was will never be the same.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You sent a hostile text that was hostile. What do you expect? You wouldn't have gotten that from what I said to Tay at the time it was happening. You would not have gotten that. Especially complimenting her on what a loving person she is to care so much about the two of you. And a hug that would have made her feel good and that's what a person with that personality style needs to just feel good that they did good.
Lisa (Caller)
So what do I do now?
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Next time, should she talk about it again? Do what I asked her to do.
Lisa (Caller)
Okay, thank you.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
If she says I don't know what to talk to you about because you won't talk and just bring up something you know about in her life. Just say, oh, well, I know you went to the prom. Tell me about that. Just find something for her to express. You can do that?
Lisa (Caller)
Okay. Yeah. Oh, that sounds great. I. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her. And it's just. It's been upsetting that this close woman in my life now is so upset. And you can.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You can.
Lisa (Caller)
You're right. Yeah.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
That this is fixable.
Lisa (Caller)
Okay. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I love listening to you.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You're very welcome. Thank you. Yeah, that's fixable. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
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The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode Title: When Family Rewrites the Past
Date: May 8, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Featured Caller: Lisa
In this episode, Dr. Laura helps a caller, Lisa, navigate the emotional complexities of family dynamics—specifically, when relatives attempt to "rewrite the past" or encourage reconciliation based on their own perceptions. Lisa struggles with her aunt’s persistent idealization of Lisa’s distant mother, leading to conflict and feelings of frustration. Dr. Laura offers concrete, compassionate advice for handling well-meaning but dismissive relatives while preserving important family relationships.
Lisa shares her story:
Lisa describes a lackluster relationship with her mother, who was "dismissive" and not loving. However, her aunt repeatedly urges Lisa to be closer with her mother, painting a rosier picture of the past.
Aunt’s relationship explained:
Lisa clarifies that her aunt is not her mother's biological sister, but rather her father's sister-in-law. Despite this, Dr. Laura stresses that close familial loyalties may still drive her behavior.
How to handle the situation:
Dr. Laura recognizes the aunt’s intentions as coming from a caring, peace-making personality (“Pollyanna type”). Dr. Laura recommends Lisa respond with a blend of grace and boundary-setting: thank her aunt for caring, acknowledge differing perspectives, and gently move on.
On setting boundaries:
Lisa admits she texted her aunt to request they not discuss her mother anymore. Dr. Laura gently critiques this choice, saying a direct conversation—infused with kindness and understanding—would have been more effective and less wounding.
Fallout:
Lisa’s aunt responds coldly, stating, “will never be the same,” indicating hurt feelings. Dr. Laura diagnoses the problem as stemming from the “hostile” tone of the text, versus an in-person, warm redirect.
Actionable advice for repair:
Dr. Laura assures Lisa the relationship is “fixable,” encouraging her to steer future conversations toward positive or neutral topics that interest her aunt, rather than defensively closing off.
On Pollyanna personalities:
Dr. Laura: “She’s one of those Pollyanna types…She’s going to make everything be nice…Reality has no foundation.” [03:12–04:05]
On boundaries:
Dr. Laura: “Unfortunately, every now and then you have to have a little [evil] one.” [04:18]
(spoken with dry humor about needing to set boundaries with even the most innocent relatives)
On repairing rifts:
Dr. Laura: “That this is fixable.” [08:47]
Memorable Dr. Laura Wisdom:
"You wouldn’t have gotten that from what I said to say at the time it was happening...especially complimenting her on what a loving person she is to care so much about the two of you. And a hug—that would have made her feel good, and that's what a person with that personality style needs." [07:37–07:55]
For more episodes and advice:
Visit DrLaura.com, listen daily on SiriusXM, or follow Dr. Laura on social media.