When Family Rewrites the Past

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode Title: When Family Rewrites the Past
Date: May 8, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Featured Caller: Lisa

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura helps a caller, Lisa, navigate the emotional complexities of family dynamics—specifically, when relatives attempt to "rewrite the past" or encourage reconciliation based on their own perceptions. Lisa struggles with her aunt’s persistent idealization of Lisa’s distant mother, leading to conflict and feelings of frustration. Dr. Laura offers concrete, compassionate advice for handling well-meaning but dismissive relatives while preserving important family relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Family Pressure to Rekindle a Broken Bond

• Lisa shares her story:
  Lisa describes a lackluster relationship with her mother, who was "dismissive" and not loving. However, her aunt repeatedly urges Lisa to be closer with her mother, painting a rosier picture of the past.

  • Lisa: “I didn’t have a loving, doting mother. She was…dismissive. Not close. Which is fine. I’m cordial…But I have an aunt who I've always been super close with…and whenever we get together at some point she starts extolling the virtues of my wonderful mother and that I need to be so much closer and better…” [02:01–02:44]

• Aunt’s relationship explained:
  Lisa clarifies that her aunt is not her mother's biological sister, but rather her father's sister-in-law. Despite this, Dr. Laura stresses that close familial loyalties may still drive her behavior.

  • Dr. Laura: “She has loyalty, okay?” [03:01]

2. Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Responding to Well-Meaning But Unhelpful Family

• How to handle the situation:
  Dr. Laura recognizes the aunt’s intentions as coming from a caring, peace-making personality (“Pollyanna type”). Dr. Laura recommends Lisa respond with a blend of grace and boundary-setting: thank her aunt for caring, acknowledge differing perspectives, and gently move on.

  • Dr. Laura: “Smile and say, ‘I appreciate your perspective.’ Give her a hug and get on with your life.” [03:23]

• On setting boundaries:
  Lisa admits she texted her aunt to request they not discuss her mother anymore. Dr. Laura gently critiques this choice, saying a direct conversation—infused with kindness and understanding—would have been more effective and less wounding.

  • Dr. Laura: “That’s too bad that you said that. … For a person like that, making a limit like that is very upsetting. They don’t know what to do with it because they have not an evil bone in their bodies.” [03:40–04:18]

3. Repairing the Relationship After a Tense Exchange

• Fallout:
  Lisa’s aunt responds coldly, stating, “will never be the same,” indicating hurt feelings. Dr. Laura diagnoses the problem as stemming from the “hostile” tone of the text, versus an in-person, warm redirect.

  • Lisa (reading message): “The response back from her was, ‘will never be the same.’” [07:31]
  • Dr. Laura: “You sent a hostile text...Especially complimenting her on what a loving person she is to care so much about the two of you…that would have made her feel good and that's what a person with that personality style needs...” [07:37–07:55]

• Actionable advice for repair:
  Dr. Laura assures Lisa the relationship is “fixable,” encouraging her to steer future conversations toward positive or neutral topics that interest her aunt, rather than defensively closing off.

  • Dr. Laura: “Next time, should she talk about it again? Do what I asked her to do.” [08:09]
  • Dr. Laura: “If she says, ‘I don’t know what to talk to you about because you won’t talk’…just bring up something you know about in her life…Find something for her to express. You can do that?” [08:14–08:27]
  • Lisa: “I don’t want to lose her. … It’s just been upsetting that this close woman in my life now is so upset.” [08:32]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pollyanna personalities:
  Dr. Laura: “She’s one of those Pollyanna types…She’s going to make everything be nice…Reality has no foundation.” [03:12–04:05]

• On boundaries: Dr. Laura: “Unfortunately, every now and then you have to have a little [evil] one.” [04:18]
  (spoken with dry humor about needing to set boundaries with even the most innocent relatives)

• On repairing rifts:
  Dr. Laura: “That this is fixable.” [08:47]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:01–02:44]: Lisa explains her family background and the recurring conflict with her aunt.
• [03:01–03:23]: Dr. Laura identifies the aunt’s mindset and loyalty motivations.
• [03:32–04:18]: Dr. Laura outlines the ideal response to well-meaning but hurtful family revisionism.
• [07:31–07:55]: Lisa and Dr. Laura discuss the emotional fallout from Lisa's text message.
• [08:09–08:27]: Steps for rebuilding the relationship and redirecting future conversations.
• [08:50–08:53]: Lisa expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura’s advice.

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Tone & Language

• Direct: Dr. Laura offers straightforward, unapologetic guidance but with warmth and humor.
• Empathetic: She acknowledges Lisa’s feelings and the pain of potential family rupture.
• Pragmatic: The focus is on realistic, actionable steps for relationship repair.

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Takeaways

• When relatives “rewrite the past,” recognize their intentions may be benevolent, if misguided.
• Respond with both kindness and gentle boundaries—avoid harsh texts or confrontations.
• Restore connection by highlighting other positive aspects of the relationship and shifting focus away from contentious topics.
• Even tense situations with close relatives are often repairable with empathy and tact.

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Memorable Dr. Laura Wisdom:
"You wouldn’t have gotten that from what I said to say at the time it was happening...especially complimenting her on what a loving person she is to care so much about the two of you. And a hug—that would have made her feel good, and that's what a person with that personality style needs." [07:37–07:55]

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For more episodes and advice:
Visit DrLaura.com, listen daily on SiriusXM, or follow Dr. Laura on social media.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Lisa (Caller)]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I have a strange situation. I was never very close with my mother. I didn't really. I didn't have a loving, doting mother. She was kind of like, I don't know, dismissive. Not close. Which is fine. I'm cordial. It all is totally fine. But. But I have an aunt who I've always been super close with. And we recently got together and this has happened many times that whenever we get together at some point she starts extolling the virtues of my wonderful mother and that I need to be so much closer and better and my.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Lisa. Lisa. Lisa.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Yep.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They grew up together.

[Lisa (Caller)]

They did not know. It's my father's. Yeah, right. It's my father.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sorry.

[Lisa (Caller)]

So it would be her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sorry.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Sister in law. Anyway.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It doesn't matter. But it doesn't matter. Stop. She has loyalty, okay?

[Lisa (Caller)]

So when I told her that

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

she could either have loyalty as the biological sister or. Or she's married to your mother's brother. Either way, she's one of those Pollyanna types.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Yep.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And she's going to make everything be nice. So smile and say, I appreciate your perspective. Give her a hug and get on with your life.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Well, I sent her a text saying it would be best. It would be best if we not talk about that because our.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's too bad that you said that. That's too bad.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But you sent it, so it's done. Okay. I would have urged you not.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay. So I should have just said it in person is what you're saying.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You should have just said. You know, we have different memories and different perspectives and you're just a wonderful person to care so much and give her a hug because it's about her caring for your mother, for you. She wants everything to be hunky dory. She's one of those people. So reality has no foundation. And it just. For a person like that, making a limit like that is very upsetting. They don't know what to do with it because they have not an evil bone in their bodies. Unfortunately, every now and then you have to have a little one. What?

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So the next time you see her, she'll probably go on a little bit about and just give her a hug and say we've had different perspectives for quite a while and and you're just such a loving person and give her a hug and it'll be over.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Oh, I don't know. Because the response back from her was will never be the same.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You sent a hostile text that was hostile. What do you expect? You wouldn't have gotten that from what I said to Tay at the time it was happening. You would not have gotten that. Especially complimenting her on what a loving person she is to care so much about the two of you. And a hug that would have made her feel good and that's what a person with that personality style needs to just feel good that they did good.

[Lisa (Caller)]

So what do I do now?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Next time, should she talk about it again? Do what I asked her to do.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay, thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If she says I don't know what to talk to you about because you won't talk and just bring up something you know about in her life. Just say, oh, well, I know you went to the prom. Tell me about that. Just find something for her to express. You can do that?

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay. Yeah. Oh, that sounds great. I. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her. And it's just. It's been upsetting that this close woman in my life now is so upset. And you can.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You can.

[Lisa (Caller)]

You're right. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That this is fixable.

[Lisa (Caller)]

Okay. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I love listening to you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. Thank you. Yeah, that's fixable. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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