When Mom is the Cause of the Chaos

Summary

Podcast Summary: "When Mom is the Cause of the Chaos"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: When Mom is the Cause of the Chaos
• Release Date: April 18, 2025

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Introduction

In the April 18, 2025 episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses complex family dynamics and the challenges of co-parenting in blended families. The episode, titled "When Mom is the Cause of the Chaos," delves into the intricate situation of a single mother navigating custody battles, parental interference, and the emotional well-being of her children.

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Caller Introduction: Denise's Family Situation

Timestamp: [01:21]

Denise, the caller, introduces herself as a mother of four children with two different fathers. Her family structure is complex:

• First Child: Fathered by her first partner, with whom she broke up immediately after the child was born.
• Middle Two Children: Born from a decade-long relationship with her second partner, who also has two children from a previous relationship.
• Fourth Child: Recently reunited with her first partner, with whom she had her last child.

Denise explains the intricacies of her relationships:

"The father of my first child is also the father of my last child. We broke up after the first child was born. I had two more kids with one man in a relationship for 10 years, and he had two other kids. Recently, within the past five years, we got back together and had our last child."
— Denise [02:13]

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Custody Battle and Parental Interference

Denise elaborates on her ongoing custody battle, which spanned three years and concluded in November of the previous year. The arrangement allows the boys to live with her and spend weekends with their father, who resides 30 minutes away. However, Denise faces significant challenges due to the father's interference, particularly concerning their children's extracurricular activities.

Key Points:

• Custody Arrangement: Boys live primarily with Denise, attend school at her residence, and have the option to spend weekends with their father.
• Parental Interference: The father undermines Denise's efforts to engage the boys in sports by guilt-tripping them and discouraging participation.

Denise shares her proactive approach to mitigate these issues:

"I've signed them up for boxing and baseball without discussing it with dad because he always steps in and stops them from doing something."
— Denise [04:55]

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Dr. Laura's Initial Advice

Timestamp: [05:02]

Dr. Laura responds to Denise's predicament with what she perceives as straightforward, albeit harsh, advice. She emphasizes the necessity of legal intervention to enforce participation in extracurricular activities:

"Hope you have enough money to keep going to court because all you need to do, in my never to be humble opinion, is you go to court and get a writ from the judge that he has to allow them to be in baseball."
— Dr. Laura [05:02]

Dr. Laura suggests that given the father's limited involvement and previous court rulings, the judge would likely favor Denise's request. She underscores the importance of adhering to legal channels rather than negotiating directly with the father.

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Continuation Post-Advertisements

Timestamp: [07:37]

After a series of advertisements, Denise returns to the conversation, clarifying that she has already engaged with the court system. She seeks further guidance on motivating her sons to value their extracurricular activities despite the chaos introduced by their father's interference.

"Actually, Dr. Laura, I did not specifically write the judge about baseball, but I tell the judge that he always gets in the middle of their extracurricular activities."
— Denise [07:37]

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Dr. Laura's Blunt Counsel

Timestamp: [07:50]

Dr. Laura delivers blunt and critical feedback regarding Denise's family management:

"Because they don't give a damn about that. They don't give a damn about that. You have a screwed up life for them in and out with these two guys. Yeah... It's chaos. They go back and forth. They're disappointed half the time with their dad, they're confused."
— Dr. Laura [08:13]

She characterizes the environment as chaotic and suggests that Denise's handling of relationships has negatively impacted her children's emotional stability. Dr. Laura advises Denise to:

1. Adjust Extracurricular Schedules: Shift activities to weekdays to avoid weekend conflicts with the father.
2. Honest Communication: Transparently discuss the family's challenges with the children without sheltering them from the father's shortcomings.
3. Seek Stability: Encourage Denise to pursue a stable, covenantal marriage built on morals and values to reduce chaos in the children's lives.

"Find something that's Monday through Friday, and let's avoid the fight and tell the kid the truth."
— Dr. Laura [09:40]

She concludes by emphasizing the importance of a stable environment and strong moral foundation to mitigate the chaos affecting the children.

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Key Takeaways

1. Legal Intervention is Crucial: Denise must utilize the legal system effectively to ensure her children's participation in beneficial activities.
2. Addressing Parental Interference: It's essential to establish boundaries with the children's father to prevent undermining Denise's authority.
3. Creating Stability: Dr. Laura underscores the need for a stable and ethically grounded family structure to foster the children's emotional well-being.
4. Effective Communication: Open and honest dialogue with the children about their family dynamics can help them navigate their emotions amidst chaos.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides no-nonsense advice to Denise, highlighting the importance of legal action, stability, and honest communication in managing a tumultuous family environment. While her approach is direct and may seem harsh, the underlying message emphasizes accountability, personal responsibility, and the necessity of creating a structured and ethical framework for the sake of the children involved.

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Note: For more personalized advice, listeners are encouraged to contact Dr. Laura directly at 1-800-375-2872 or visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member.

Transcript

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[Denise]

Oh, hello, hello. Hi, how are you, Dr. Lure?

[Dr. Laura]

Good, thank you. What can I help you with?

[Denise]

Okay, so just so we know before we start this, whatever advice you give me, however hard you are on me, I will still be a listener. Okay, so what I need help with today?

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, I can relax now.

[Denise]

Okay. I know, right? Me too. So I have, I have four children, but I'm calling about two of them. They're my middle boys. They have a different father from my first and my last. Anyways, wait a minute.

[Dr. Laura]

Let me, let me make sure I understand. You have four kids and there are three dads?

[Denise]

No, there's two. But we have an interesting story. So the father of my first child is also the father of my last child. So we broke up after the first child was born. I've never been married, by the way, so we broke up after the first child was born. I had two more kids with one man in a relationship for 10 years and he had two other kids. And then we recently, within the five years, like the past five years, we got back together and had our last child. You keeping up?

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, yeah.

[Denise]

Yeah. So the issue is that the first father, the first child's father is also the last one. And so the second child, the second baby daddy is, you know, he's Upset because I went back to my first relationship. So the issue is, is that we've been going through a custody battle for like three years. It finally ended last year, at the end of last year in November. But he, he has this hold on the boys where he, he also lives like 30 minutes away. So his time with the boys, the boys live with us. They go to school from my house and then they go spend the weekends with him if he chooses to pick them up. And he's about half and half on that, whether he decides to pick them up or not. But so my boys, they, they're like, you know, attached to these screens, whether it's a television screen or a telephone screen. And they don't really have a desire to do anything else. So I've told them, you know, I'm going to sign you up for this sport or think of some sort of extracurricular activity that you want to do. And if you can't, I'll choose one for you. So I've got them. I spoke to them this week about it and again, I brought it up again. One boy chose boxing and the other boy chose baseball. Now, as we all know, the games will and events will be held on the weekend. So I signed them up for these programs without talking to dad because he always kind of, you know, steps in and stops them from doing something and then he will guilt trip them into, into not doing it by saying, oh, I won't be able to spend time with you.

[Dr. Laura]

It's the way Denise.

[Denise]

Woo hoo.

[Dr. Laura]

Denise, hope you have enough money to keep going to court because all you need to do, in my never to be humble opinion, is you go to court and get a writ from the judge that he has to allow them to be in baseball. And since you have information that he's only there half the time to deal with them on the weekends, I think you'd probably get a positive judgment in your favor. But you're going to have to go through the court. Can't go through the guy. So anything else I can help you with?

[Denise]

We've done the court thing. Yeah, I'm here. What I want to ask you, we've been.

[Dr. Laura]

You didn't go to court on baseball. You didn't go to court on the baseball issue.

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[Denise]

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[Denise]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

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[Denise]

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[Denise]

Thanks, dad. When does mom come back?

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[Denise]

Actually, Dr. Laura, I. I did not specifically write the judge about baseball, but I tell the judge that he always gets in the middle of their extracurricular activities.

[Dr. Laura]

That's not interesting to a judge. Okay. All right, go ahead. Ask me anything you want to ask me. Go ahead.

[Denise]

How do I convince my boys that. That this is important for them and their, you know, well, roundedness of being a young man? Because I thought.

[Dr. Laura]

I'll give you an answer. Do you want an answer?

[Denise]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Because they don't give a damn about that. They don't give a damn about that.

[Denise]

Yeah, they don't.

[Dr. Laura]

You have a screwed up life for them in and out with these two guys. Yeah. I mean, they don't care about the rules, they don't care about what's best. It's not how their brains work at this time. It's chaos. They go back and forth. They're disappointed half the time with their dad, they're confused. You bring this dude back, they have chaos and it's Amazing when we introduce such chaos to a kid's life and then they find ways to rebel. So then we get upset and don't understand why and think we can use rational logic. No, they're little bundles of disappointed, angry, hurt emotions. So I suggest if boxing is Monday through Friday, like martial arts, then you find a sport that's not done on the weekend. I don't know what that would be right now off the top of my head, but you could pull that off.

[Denise]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

He likes to run after a ball. I don't know. See all the other options. You're going to have to work around it, but you're not going to work with logic on kids who have their life in as much chaos as I'm sorry you've provided.

[Denise]

No, it's still going to. It is chaos.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. So find something that's Monday through Friday, and let's avoid the fight and tell the kid the truth. We have to find something that's Monday through Friday because dad, your dad is going to stand in the way of you doing it, and I don't want your feelings hurt. So let's try to find something where you can avoid the weekends. Tell them the truth.

[Denise]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

The truth.

[Denise]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't protect. Don't protect this jerk from them. And in your nest life, take two years to get to know somebody. Make a covenantal marriage with vows with a good man, and stay put. You'll miss out on all of this chaos. It would be so Wonderful. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I mean, there's a reason that I talk about morals and values and principles and ethics because they avoid a lot of chaos. And chaos is not good for kids. I'm not crazy about it myself, but specifically for kids. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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