Summary of "When Will I Get Over His Affair?" – Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Introduction to the Episode

In the February 23, 2025 episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," hosted by Dr. Laura Schlessinger on SiriusXM Triumph 111, Dr. Laura tackles the emotionally charged topic of infidelity and its aftermath in a long-term marriage. This episode, titled "When Will I Get Over His Affair?", features a heartfelt conversation with a caller named Candy, who seeks guidance on recovering from her husband's two-year affair.

Caller’s Dilemma

Candy begins by detailing her 15-year marriage, highlighting that both she and her husband entered their union with adult children from previous marriages. After seven years together, they decided to have two children of their own, an eight-year-old and a three-year-old (now three and a half) [00:14]. About a year prior, Candy discovered that her husband had been unfaithful for nearly two years, a revelation that has left her struggling to move forward.

Discovery of the Affair

The discovery process was both indirect and intuitive for Candy. She started receiving anonymous texts hinting at her husband's infidelity, which heightened her suspicions [00:14 - 00:57]. Trusting her intuition, especially given her husband's demanding schedule in the oil field, led her to investigate further. In a pivotal moment, Candy woke up one night and felt compelled to check her husband's truck console, where she found a second phone explicitly used for the mistress [01:05 - 02:00]. “I found another phone and that was a phone specifically for the woman” [01:55].

Confrontation and Ultimatum

Armed with undeniable evidence, Candy confronted her husband the next morning. She issued a clear ultimatum: it was either her and their family or the other woman [03:28 - 03:34]. Her husband chose the family, ending his affair. Committed to severing all ties, Candy also confronted the mistress, who worked in the same city and was a teacher at her child’s school [03:53 - 04:05]. Despite the conflict, Candy noticed positive changes in her husband's behavior, including increased involvement in family activities.

Impact on the Marriage

Candy candidly shares her feelings of guilt, believing that her focus on breastfeeding her baby and not giving her husband enough attention as a wife may have contributed to the affair [04:18 - 05:12]. She grapples with the pain of betrayal and the lingering insecurity about her husband's loyalty. To address trust issues, they installed tracking devices on his vehicle, hoping to alleviate some of her anxiety [07:25 - 07:40].

Dr. Laura’s Advice and Insights

Dr. Laura employs her signature no-nonsense approach, emphasizing that healing from infidelity is a long, ongoing process. She asserts, “You will never totally get over it, ever. You'll live with it and make the best of it, but you'll never get over it” [05:12 - 05:26]. Dr. Laura advises Candy to adjust her expectations, understanding that the betrayal will forever be a part of their marriage and that true healing involves integrating this experience rather than erasing it.

Key pieces of advice include:

• Accepting the Reality: Recognize that fully moving past the affair may be unrealistic. Instead, focus on building a new foundation within the marriage [05:12 - 05:26].

• Avoiding Punishment: Stop behaviors meant to punish her husband, such as withholding affection or being unkind. Dr. Laura emphasizes, “If you're going to punish him, you might as well leave” [06:03 - 06:22].

• Setting Boundaries: When confronted with insensitivity, use strategic responses. For example, when her husband questioned if she would ever stop worrying, Candy can respond with, “If I was in that man's arms, how long would it take you?” [08:00 - 08:57].

• Expressing Needs: Clearly communicate her emotional needs to her husband, such as needing love, hugs, and attention [09:13 - 09:25].

Dr. Laura also highlights the importance of self-care and realistic expectations, noting that Candy's role as a mother adds complexity to her healing process. She underscores that the responsibility to move forward primarily rests with Candy, as it is significantly more challenging for her to "get over" the affair compared to her husband, who may find it easier to move on [07:40 - 08:05].

Conclusion

By the episode's end, Candy feels a sense of validation and a better understanding of her path to healing. Dr. Laura’s straightforward advice equips her with strategies to manage her emotions and rebuild trust within her marriage. The episode underscores the enduring impact of infidelity and the importance of accountability, personal responsibility, and ethical behavior in overcoming marital crises.

Notable Quotes:

• Candy on discovering the affair: “I found another phone and that was a phone specifically for the woman” [01:55].

• Dr. Laura on moving forward: “You will never totally get over it, ever. You'll live with it and make the best of it, but you'll never get over it” [05:12 - 05:26].

• Dr. Laura on punishment: “If you're going to punish him, you might as well leave” [06:03 - 06:22].

• Dr. Laura’s advice on communication: “If I was in that man's arms, how long would it take you?” [08:47].

This episode serves as a compassionate yet realistic guide for individuals navigating the turbulent waters of marital infidelity, emphasizing that while complete emotional recovery may be unattainable, a path toward a renewed and stronger relationship is possible through conscious effort and honest communication.