Who Gets the Dog After Divorce?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Who Gets the Dog After Divorce?
Date: August 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Alex

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a deeply personal and increasingly common question: what happens to a beloved pet when a couple divorces? Alex, a lifelong listener, calls Dr. Laura seeking emotional guidance as he faces losing regular contact with his rescue dog due to divorce. Dr. Laura delivers her trademark no-nonsense response, focusing on personal acceptance, emotional resilience, and practical advice for moving forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Background & Dilemma

• Alex’s Marriage and Divorce:
  • Alex, in his late 40s, is divorcing after a brief marriage of just over three years.
  • The breakup was not due to dramatic events but rather "life events" and personal growth causing changes in both partners.
    • Alex: "The people that we were when we started to date and were engaged are not the people that we’ve evolved into." (02:14)
• Assets and Prenuptial Agreement:
  • Most marital matters were clear-cut due to a prenuptial agreement.
• The Contested Dog:
  • The major unresolved issue is custody of the rescue dog, Alex’s first dog and a significant emotional bond.
  • Alex’s soon-to-be ex-wife filed for divorce in a state that treats pets as property, hoping to avoid shared custody or visitation rights.

2. Emotional Impact of Losing a Pet

• Alex’s Question:
  • How to emotionally process the possibility of not seeing the dog again?
  • Would it be better to pour energy into another rescue dog, rather than fighting a legal battle?
• Dr. Laura's Response:
  • Direct and empathetic, Dr. Laura normalizes the pain of loss but advises acceptance over legal pursuit.
  • Dr. Laura: "Nobody can stop you. No medicine, no comment from me is going to stop you from feeling bad and missing the dog. It's normal. It's a human reaction." (08:04)
  • She underscores the inevitability of grief: "It's just going to feel crappy until at some point you get yourself another dog." (08:15)
• Advice on Moving Forward:
  • Dr. Laura strongly suggests redirecting energy away from legal battles and toward a new companion animal.
    • Alex: "Do you think…putting that energy into another rescue dog and just accepting the fact…would be a good thing?"
    • Dr. Laura: "Yes." (08:53)

3. Acceptance and Self-Compassion

• The advice models acceptance of uncomfortable emotions and emphasizes that time, not legal or external solutions, is the true healer.
• Dr. Laura assures Alex he will miss his dog but confirms that, over time, another animal can help him heal.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Marital Changes:

  • Alex: "The people that we were when we started to date and were engaged are not the people that we’ve evolved into." (02:14)

• On the Nature of Grief:

  • Dr. Laura: "Nobody can stop you. No medicine, no comment from me is going to stop you from feeling bad and missing the dog. It's normal. It's a human reaction." (08:04)
  • Dr. Laura: "It's just going to feel crappy until at some point you get yourself another dog." (08:15)

• On Legal Battles vs. Emotional Healing:

  • Alex: "Do you think…putting that energy into another rescue dog and just accepting the fact…would be a good thing?" (08:37)
  • Dr. Laura: "Yes." (08:53)

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Important Timestamps

• [00:58]: Alex introduces himself and outlines the situation.
• [01:43]: Dr. Laura questions the reasons behind the quick marital breakdown.
• [03:43]: Alex details the specifics of the divorce and the issue with the dog.
• [07:44]: Alex asks about handling the emotional loss of the dog.
• [08:04]: Dr. Laura’s core advice on grief, acceptance, and moving forward.
• [08:53]: Dr. Laura definitively advises focusing on a future with a new pet.

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Summary in Dr. Laura’s Signature Tone

In true Dr. Laura fashion—compassionate yet direct—the episode delivers a clear message: feeling pain when losing a pet after divorce is normal, unavoidable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Legal battles rarely help the heart heal; embracing the grieving process and eventually opening your heart to another rescue animal is the way forward. Dr. Laura’s practical wisdom and succinct intervention serve as a comfort to anyone facing a similar crossroads, reminding us all that with loss comes the eventual possibility of new connection.

Transcript

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[B]

Hello, Dr. Laura. I've listened to you on and off since the 1980s when I was a teenager and my mom had you on the radio. So it's nice to finally speak with you.

[A]

Wow. Thank you. What can I do for you?

[B]

Yeah, my question is, long story short, I'm getting divorced and we've been married a little over three years.

[A]

And this is not a first marriage.

[B]

It's my first or second.

[A]

Oh, you waited a long time.

[B]

Yes, I was in my late 40, late 40s.

[A]

What? And what's breaking the marriage up in three years?

[B]

We've just both really changed a lot. There's not anything, you know, in three.

[A]

Years what could possibly have changed that much?

[B]

I mean, there's. Maybe if I was a guest for the next half hour, I could explain it, but there's some life events. Some people died.

[A]

Why did that break up a marriage? People are dying every day all over the world. Why did that break up a marriage?

[B]

I guess I would say the people that we were when we started to date and were engaged are not the people that we've evolved into. That's what I would say is my short answer.

[A]

Well, then I'll give you a short answer to your question. I can play the game well, but.

[B]

I haven't got to my question yet.

[A]

That's all right. I'll give you the shortest answer I can think of. Go ahead.

[B]

So and so we're getting divorced and we have the house that we live in in the city that we live in that she has owned because she was older as well. And then we had a second house in another state that we'd go to a couple weekends a month. And we also adopted a dog, a rescue dog that was actually my first dog and I became very close with him and marriage. There's a prenuptial agreement. There's not really a lot to decide. It's pretty cut and dry for the most part. That's what I think and that's what the lawyers seem to concur with. But one point of contention is the dog and being able to see the dog. And I'm not calling you for legal advice, but my wife, soon to be ex wife, has filed for divorce in the state where we had the vacation home as opposed to our main home because in that state they treat a dog like property, whereas in the state where we actually live, a dog is treated more like a child, if you will. Like with visitation, things like that.

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[B]

So all of that is to say my question is, do you have any advice on how to emotionally deal with not being able to see the dog currently and potentially not being able to see him at all? And do you think I would be better served in putting my energy into a different dog or something?

[A]

That's six five nos. No no, no. That's the short answer because that's how you're gonna feel. Nobody can stop you. No medicine, no comment from me is going to stop you from feeling bad and missing the dog. It's normal. It's a human reaction. You're not going to die from it. You're not going to get a hematoma behind your eyeballs. It's just going to feel crappy until at some point you get yourself another dog. So that's that. You just have to feel the feelings. I think you're going to miss the hero.

[B]

Well, that's for sure. Do you think, like, not doing the legal fight with the time and the money and putting that energy into another rescue dog and just accepting the fact that this is not a choice that I made, not seeing the other dog would be a good thing to do?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Well, all right.

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