Why Am I So Weak and Stupid?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Why Am I So Weak and Stupid?
Date: October 24, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Elizabeth

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Overview

In this emotionally raw and incisive episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Elizabeth, who is struggling in an on-and-off relationship with a cheating, emotionally abusive boyfriend. Elizabeth grapples with feelings of weakness and low self-worth, seeking to understand why she remains attached to someone who mistreats her. Dr. Laura provides her hallmark direct advice, dissecting the psychological roots of Elizabeth’s patterns and guiding her toward clarity and self-respect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elizabeth's Relationship Dilemma (01:11–04:04)

• Call Setup: Elizabeth has been in a tumultuous, on-and-off relationship for nearly three years with a boyfriend who repeatedly cheats and entertains other women.
• Patterns of Abuse: Elizabeth admits she catches him "cheating or entertaining women on his phone" and struggles to leave.
• Peer Comparison: Dr. Laura quickly asks if any of Elizabeth’s friends would want this man, highlighting the poor quality of the relationship.
  • Quote:

    "Do you know many of your friends who would want him knowing that he screws around?"
    — Dr. Laura (02:01)

2. Dr. Laura’s Direct Interpretation (02:20–04:04)

• Brutal Honesty: Dr. Laura attributes Elizabeth’s difficulty in leaving to personal weakness and points out the boyfriend’s manipulative exploitation.
  • Quote:

    "Because you're weak. Use you when he wants you. Otherwise he's a bit of a scumbag. Just likes to do women."
    — Dr. Laura (02:23)

• Tough Love Approach: Dr. Laura reframes Elizabeth's desire to "help" her boyfriend as enabling his behavior.
  • Quote:

    "He doesn’t need your help unless you’re going to get girlfriends for him."
    — Dr. Laura (02:52)

• Value and Self-Perception: Dr. Laura bluntly suggests the boyfriend sees Elizabeth as "weak and stupid" for tolerating the abuse.
  • Quote:

    "That’s how he sees you. Weak, stupid. And there when he wants it, he values weak and stupid. That’s how you want to be valued?"
    — Dr. Laura (04:11)

3. Reflection After the Break (08:57–10:42)

• Elizabeth’s Realization: During the on-air hold, Elizabeth reflects on Dr. Laura’s words and acknowledges she minimizes her pain and the truth of her situation.
  • Quote:

    "I minimized my hurt and the reality of just everything. I’ve minimized that so that I wouldn’t face it... But pretending that it doesn’t hurt only keeps me stuck."
    — Elizabeth (09:08)

• Cycle of False Hope: Elizabeth recognizes she’s drawn into cycles of false hope whenever her boyfriend promises change.

4. Connecting Relationship Patterns to Childhood (10:48–15:23)

• Deep Dive: Dr. Laura probes Elizabeth's history, asking her to identify early experiences with similar feelings.
  • Quote:

    "Who in your childhood has made you feel the same way?"
    — Dr. Laura (10:48)

  • Elizabeth identifies her father.
• Root Cause Analysis: Dr. Laura explains how unresolved childhood wounds—especially from a dismissive or self-involved parent—can drive adults to seek value from similarly toxic partners.
  • Quote:

    "You’re using this opportunity with a man who is reminiscent of your father to try to make it work this time... He's just a substitute for your dad. And you’re still trying to work out why doesn’t my dad love me?"
    — Dr. Laura (11:03–11:34)

• Powerful Reframe: Dr. Laura has Elizabeth confront the painful truth about her father:
  • Quote:

    "Your dad’s a jerk and he doesn’t love, period. Can you say that to me now? Say it."
    — Dr. Laura (14:34) "My dad’s a jerk and he does not love."
    — Elizabeth (14:41)

5. Steps Toward Healing and Moving Forward (15:23–16:33)

• Breaking the Pattern: Dr. Laura emphasizes that unless Elizabeth truly accepts her father’s lack of love, she will keep repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships.
• No Contact is Valid: Elizabeth asks if it’s okay to maintain no contact with her father. Dr. Laura affirms it may be necessary but warns Elizabeth has simply replaced her father with her boyfriend.
  • Quote:

    "So what’s the point of no contact with your dad when you’re trying to relive it and make it work with this guy?"
    — Dr. Laura (15:03)

• Book Recommendation: Dr. Laura suggests reading her book, Bad Childhood, Good Life, to support Elizabeth’s healing.
  • Quote:

    "Yours truly wrote that and it is really going to be helpful to you."
    — Dr. Laura (16:07)

6. Closing Support (16:14–17:01)

• Dr. Laura offers ongoing support: She encourages Elizabeth to call back during her struggles and arranges for her to receive a recording of their conversation as a reminder during difficult moments.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s Unfiltered Style:

  "He doesn’t want saving. He’s totally happy." (03:33)

• Elizabeth’s Openness:

  "It makes me feel so uncomfortable when he hugs me and I feel his hands on me… Why don’t I listen to those?" (09:37)

• Dr. Laura on parental impact:

  "Kids assume whatever the parents are going through is because of them. If dad is not loving toward me…It’s because I’m not that lovable." (12:20)

• Turning Point:

  "My dad’s a jerk and he does not love." (14:41)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Elizabeth introduces her relationship problems (01:11)
• Dr. Laura challenges Elizabeth about her self-worth (02:20)
• Elizabeth reflects after the break (08:57)
• Connecting to childhood and confronting the truth about her father (10:48–14:41)
• Discussion on going no contact & moving forward (14:47–16:14)
• Support and encouragement to use this conversation for strength (16:33–17:01)

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura’s style in this episode remains as forthright as ever—she pulls no punches and refuses to sugarcoat the reality. Her advice is direct, at times harsh, yet compassionate in its push for the caller’s self-awareness and self-respect. Elizabeth, for her part, is open, honest about her struggles, and willing to confront deep-seated pain.

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Conclusion

This episode provides a powerful and challenging examination of how unresolved childhood wounds can shape adult relationships, especially in matters of self-worth and partner choice. Dr. Laura’s uncompromising approach pushes the caller to recognize the cycles she’s locked into and to take actionable steps toward breaking them—forging a path toward self-respect and healing.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi, how can I help you?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yes, thank you for taking my call. I've been in a relationship with somebody on and off. Not married, no children.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is this a boyfriend? A lover? What exactly is he?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah, lover, boyfriend. Well, boyfriend. Okay, but like I mentioned.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how long. Yeah, how long is on and off?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Over two years. Going on three years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And what, what precipitates the offs.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

The offs have been the moments where I catch him either cheating or entertaining women on his phone or using.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Elizabeth, do you know many of your friends who would want him knowing that he screws around?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then is there any point to us continue this conversation?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

I think I just want to know why. Like I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because you're weak. Use you when he wants you. Otherwise he's a bit of a scumbag. Just likes to do women.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you tolerate abuse? You tolerate abuse. So he abuses.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. I just feel like why is it hard for me to leave? Like I. I find myself that I need to save him, that I need to help him, that I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That he doesn't need your help unless you're going to get girlfriends for him. Yeah, the only help he needs is for you to get him women. And that's what I maybe participate in a threesome. So you don't know any of your friends who would tolerate this guy? Is something wrong with them?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

No, there's something wrong with me. I just would like him to tell me that when I ask him those questions, like why is it that he does these things? And he just says because he's not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Going to tell you that he likes to stick his penis in girls vaginas and rectums and mouths because he likes it.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You actually want him to say it. I get off on it and I don't have any commitment. It's better than masturbating to porn because I actually have a person there doing these things for me, with me. That's why he doesn't want saving. He's totally happy.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

I just feel like why am I waiting for him to see my value? Like why can't I see my own value and walk away?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because you're not a whore. And if you were a whore or a loose woman, he would value you. Don't you understand? People have different value systems. And by the way, a man like this does not value weak and stupid. And that's how he sees you. Yeah, why would he value that? That's how he sees you. Weak, stupid. And there when he wants it, he values weak and stupid. That's how you want to be valued. I'm going to put you on hold. I'd sure like you to stay through the break and give thought to everything I've said for the three minutes and then tell me what's on your mind. Turn off the radio, put down your devices, get your whole family creating with Kiwico. Kiwico art and science kits inspire creativity and they're a heck of a lot of fun. I love mine with projects available for ages 1 to 100 that does include me. There's an awesome Kiwico crate for every mom, dad and kiddo and everything you need is delivered right to your door. Each month, Kiwico's team of educators, makers, engineers and scientists spend over 1,000 hours designing and testing each of their crates. And it shows in their quality. I'm working on three cool Kiwico projects myself, a motion sensing spider just in time for Halloween, a radio controlled robot and a motorized spin art. I'm having a good time. Tinker, create and innovate with Kiwico. Get up to 50% off your first crate at kiwico.com, promo code DRLORA. That's up to 50% off your first Crate at k I w I c o.com promo code DRLAURA.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like? Son, can we talk about your drinking? Yeah Dad, I think we should Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Elizabeth, thanks for going on hold. What did you think about during the break?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah, it was a lot, but I feel like it was all the truth. I just realized that I minimized the truth. I minimized my hurt and the reality of just everything. And I think I've minimized that so that I wouldn't face and that I can just keep believing and keep hoping. But I think just realizing that and pretending that it doesn't hurt only keeps me stuck. And that's something that I've struggled with all these years where it's like, I want to leave and why is it hard for me to leave? But it's those messages or that response where it's like, I love you. I'm going to do better, or it's going to be different, or I'm going to work on myself and I get reeled back in, into this false hope that keeps me stuck. And I think, you know, it's like I'm. I'm. Like my energy has been going outwards instead of inwards. And it's scary, you know, it's scary to truly. I know I can do it. You know, I know I can do it, Dr. Laura. And I feel like just the way you. You said it, it's. Those thoughts have been there, like discusses me. It. It quite. If it makes me feel so uncomfortable when he hugs me and I feel his hands on me and even those signs in my body, I'm like, why don't I listen to those? You know? But, yeah, I really appreciate just your rawness and your truthfulness and just being so direct. I really do appreciate that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wonderful. I have one more. You want to do a little more work?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Who in your childhood has made you feel the same way?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

My dad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Let me say to you now that this man is not the worries in you. Come and go with him. You're using this opportunity with a man who is reminiscent of your father to try to make it work this time. That's a real brain bender, isn't it?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He's just a substitute for your dad. And you're still trying to work out why doesn't my dad love me? Why doesn't he think I'm special? If your dad was a jerk, which likely is the case, it had nothing to do with your value. But when you're a kid, you don't see it. Kids think the reason the parent has an upset and looks mad, it's because they did something wrong. They're not being a good enough kid. Kids assume whatever the parents are going through is because of them. If dad is not loving toward me, it isn't because he's an unloving jerk. It's because I'm not that lovable. So once you got that rationale, which is irrational in your head, you took it with you into your adult life. But at this point, and from what you just said after the break here, you understand now. It isn't you. He's a jerk. When you're a kid, you can't think that way. Our parents are gods. Whatever their reaction toward us is, is the truth. Wrong. And you only know what's wrong when you're an adult. When you're a kid, that's truth. I'm the problem. So here you are, still working on your dad, basically working on, can I make a difficult man see my value? The answer is no. They don't want women of value. They don't want those. Does that make sense to you now for you to understand why you haven't quite given it up?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I also feel like with him, I always. I'm always available. I always give him whatever he. You know, if it's this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And that's because you're trying to repair your dad's. What you think is your dad's view of you?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If I'm a good girl, then he'll see I should be loved. No. Jerks don't love.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Dr. Laura, I have a question regarding my dad. I currently went no contact with him because he got upset that I didn't attend a party. And like always, he made it about himself.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I just put my jerks don't love.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Until you take that into your head and embrace it as truth, you're going to continue doing this nonsense.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Your dad's a jerk and he doesn't love, period. Can you say that to me? Now? Say it.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

My dad's a jerk and he does not love.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There you go.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay, so it's okay to go no contact and not to answer calls and not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think that sounded like a wise decision. Unfortunately, you replaced him with this guy.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what's the point of no contact with your dad when you're trying to relive it and make it work with this guy?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

See what I mean?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah. That's so true.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They're the same thing. Wow. Yeah.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay. Okay. Is there any recommendations that you can do once I do cut everything off? Like that feeling within me that's gonna feel just there and open.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's gonna take time. It's gonna take time.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You'll have to get used to a whole new way of looking at the world and yourself and mental. It takes time. There's no flip you around. May I suggest, though, that you read Bad Childhood, Good Life.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay, I will.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yours truly wrote that and it is really going to be helpful to you.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay. Thank you so much for your advice and just taking my call. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome, Elizabeth. And call me back if you have any struggles with this. I suspect you will because you're. What? Human?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But your big, the biggest deal is going to be when you go, no contact with this jerk. That's going to be huge. And that's going to be so upsetting. And you're going to have. You know what? I do. I'm going to put you on hold. I want us to send you a copy of this so you can listen to it.

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When you have those moments of on again, off again, on again. Okay. May I put you on hold?

[Elizabeth (Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

All right, good. Because that'll be important for her to listen to. Did I do this right? Yes. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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