Why It’s Foolish to Stay In a Dangerous Marriage

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Why It’s Foolish to Stay In a Dangerous Marriage
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: March 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast tackles the challenges of remaining in a marriage that poses emotional or physical danger. Through the story of Misty, a listener seeking advice, Dr. Laura dissects the perils of denial, the consequences of deception, and the critical importance of self-preservation. The conversation moves from establishing Misty’s situation, through her concerns, to Dr. Laura’s hard-hitting guidance on why—and how—to leave a dangerous relationship, especially when dishonesty, addiction, and anger are involved.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Caller’s Background & Situation (01:31-04:29)

• Misty (49) is newly married (1 year) to a man (50) who was recently released from prison after 29 years for armed robbery.
• Both Misty and her husband had previous long-term marriages that ended in divorce.
• They reconnected after his release, dated for two years, then married once he was out.
• Revelations: The husband is on parole until age 65. Misty wasn’t aware of his proclivity for alcohol abuse until after the wedding.

2. Discovery of Deceit and Alcoholism (07:14-08:11)

• Misty shares that she discovered her husband's hidden drinking and that he becomes angry when confronted.
• She expresses feelings of self-doubt—wondering if the problem is hers rather than his.

3. Dr. Laura’s Direct Response: Dealing with Deception in Marriage (07:44-08:32)

• Dr. Laura challenges Misty to consider the implications of her husband lying to her about his drinking to secure marriage.
  • Quote:

    “What do you think about somebody who wants to marry you so they lie so that you can't make a good choice as to whether or not you want to take on an alcoholic? What do you think about a person who does that for their own gain?” — Dr. Laura (07:44)

• Dr. Laura highlights a common tendency among women to blame themselves to avoid the upheaval of leaving, calling this logic “foolish.”
  • Quote:

    “Women say that because they're too scared to make a change. So instead of making a judgment that they made a mistake … they blame themselves so you can stay in the marriage. That's really foolish.” — Dr. Laura (08:11)

4. Addressing Anger and Safety Concerns (08:49-09:21)

• Dr. Laura explicitly advises Misty to leave due to the husband's anger and history.
  • Quote:

    “I suggest you pack your bags and get the hell out of Dodge. Especially, especially that he gets angry. Ma’am, I’m looking forward to your well being. You need to get out of there.” — Dr. Laura (08:49)

5. Moral Dilemmas and Sense of Responsibility (09:21-10:00)

• Misty raises her and her husband’s leadership roles in a ministry and the feeling that leaving could impact him and the church.
• Dr. Laura unequivocally pushes back:
  • Quote:

    “So hypocrisy is not interesting to me.” — Dr. Laura (09:27) “It's not your responsibility. It's his.” — Dr. Laura (09:58)

• Misty acknowledges she’s past putting love above her safety and well-being.
  • Dr. Laura thanks Misty for “not throwing the love card at me.”

6. The Invalidity of a Marriage Born of Deceit (10:12-10:32)

• Dr. Laura insists that lying to secure any contract—including marriage—invalidates its foundation.
  • Quote:

    “If you lie to make any other kind of contract, it's void.” — Dr. Laura (10:28)

7. Final Advice: Safety First (10:45-11:25)

• Dr. Laura encourages Misty to involve her brother for protection during her transition out of the marriage, citing distrust due to the husband’s history and temperament.
  • Quote:

    “Make sure you call your brother to help you with this transition, because I don't trust a guy who's been in jail that long and who gets angry. I don't trust it.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Dr. Laura, on self-blame and staying:

  “Women say that because they're too scared to make a change.” (08:11)

• On the sanctity and honesty in marriage:

  “He lied to get you to marry him … If you lie to make any other kind of contract, it's void.” (10:18, 10:28)

• On priorities:

  “Ma’am, I’m looking forward to your well being. You need to get out of there.” (08:49)

• On moral duty and ministry:

  “So hypocrisy is not interesting to me.” (09:27) “It's not your responsibility. It's his.” (09:58)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:31 – Misty introduces herself and her marital background.
• 03:25 – Husband’s criminal history revealed.
• 07:14 – Alcohol addiction and anger issues discussed.
• 08:49 – Dr. Laura recommends Misty “get the hell out of Dodge.”
• 09:21 – Discussion of their ministry roles and moral conflict.
• 10:28 – Dr. Laura on marriage contracts and deception.
• 10:45 – Safety advice: enlist brother’s help while leaving.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s clear, uncompromising advice in this episode is both empowering and sobering: Remaining in a dangerous marriage out of fear, guilt, or false responsibility is not only unwise—it’s harmful. With her trademark directness, she urges listeners (and especially Misty) to recognize deceit as a deal-breaker, prioritize personal safety over moral entanglements, and seek support when making tough life changes. This episode is a must-listen for anyone grappling with the boundaries of compassion, responsibility, and self-respect in intimate relationships.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Lora]

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[Dr. Lora]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Ghostbed Sleep matters to your mood, your health, your whole day. That's why I recommend comfy American made Ghostbed mattress. Visit ghostbed.com DrLora and use the code DrLora to save 10%. Remember, you can hear my radio program Daily on Sirius XM Triumph and Connect with Me 24, [e-mail] Misty welcome to the program.

[Misty]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Lora]

You're welcome. You're welcome. What's happening?

[Misty]

Well, my dilemma today is so I've been married almost a year now and

[Dr. Lora]

how old are you? How old is he?

[Misty]

I'm 49 and he just turned 50.

[Dr. Lora]

And either one of you married and divorced before?

[Misty]

Yes, both of us. I was married for 17 years to my dad, two children's father and he was married for about 20 years to his ex wife. His mother's his.

[Dr. Lora]

And tell me what caused both of these divorces? What, what caused that?

[Misty]

For me? My husband, he was just ex husband was just very. I guess he just wasn't there. He was either on hunting trips or work vacations just but not present. And we grew apart and he was actually talking and communicating with his this girl he was engaged to behind my back for a very long time and eventually I just couldn't take it anymore. But they're married now.

[Dr. Lora]

Oh really? Okay. And your current husband, what was his story about his divorce?

[Misty]

I think well, it's kind of a different story. They were married and he went off to prison and she ended up and they were still married and she ended up getting pregnant from another man. So they went there.

[Dr. Lora]

What did he go to prison for?

[Misty]

Well, he grew up. His dad.

[Dr. Lora]

No.

[Misty]

What.

[Dr. Lora]

What did he get? What did he go to prison for? I don't need the bleeding heart background. I just need to know what he did that landed him in prison.

[Misty]

Yes. Armed robbery.

[Dr. Lora]

And how long was he in prison?

[Misty]

29 years.

[Dr. Lora]

And how did you two meet?

[Misty]

We were kids and we met his. He was best friends with my brother and then he got arrested when he was 17 with a robbery with his dad. And I couldn't. I was like, I didn't even know what armed robbery was then. And he connected back with me by trying to reach out to me to ask about my brother. And I was like, I will not talk to him. But I did eventually. And we just didn't stop talking and catching up on life. And his life had changed throughout prison and. And we started dating and then got married about two years later.

[Dr. Lora]

After he got out of prison?

[Misty]

Yes.

[Dr. Lora]

And how long has it been since he's out of prison?

[Misty]

2 and a half years.

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[Misty]

Right?

[Dr. Lora]

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[Misty]

Oh, yeah. Huh?

[Dr. Lora]

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[Misty]

Get with the times. Right.

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[Dr. Lora]

So you dated two years and then got married, and you've been married for a year?

[Misty]

Yes.

[Dr. Lora]

Okay. Is he on parole or did he finish?

[Misty]

He's. Yeah, he's on parole till 65.

[Dr. Lora]

Got it. Okay. How can I help you today?

[Misty]

Well, so I feel like I didn't know he had a problem with drinking at all. He was very well at hiding it during our dating time together. And then as soon as we got married, like, things just started popping up. And that's when I'd find the alcohol hidden or. And then I used to confront him about it, and he would get very angry. So I stopped confronting him because I realized it wasn't doing anything and trying to help him.

[Dr. Lora]

What do you think about somebody who wants to marry you so they lie so that you can't make a good choice as to whether or not you want to take on an alcoholic? What do you think about a person who does that for their own gain? Tell me what you think. Tell me.

[Misty]

I don't like it at all. But I'm wondering, am I the person that just has the issue and it's not really that. Maybe I'm the one that's wrong.

[Dr. Lora]

Okay. Women say that because they're too scared to make a change. So instead of being. Making a judgment that they made a mistake and the mistake was based on his lying to you.

[Misty]

Yeah.

[Dr. Lora]

That they blame themselves so you can stay in the marriage. That's really foolish.

[Misty]

I understand. And the other thing is, like, I'm wondering, like, I understand that part, but does he not see it? Does he not think drunks.

[Dr. Lora]

Drunks. Drunks don't want to see anything?

[Misty]

Yeah.

[Dr. Lora]

I suggest you pack your bags and get the hell out of Dodge. Especially. Especially that he gets angry. Ma', am, I'm looking forward to your well being. You need to get out of there. You keep muttering. Why do you keep muttering under me?

[Misty]

Well, I was agreeing with you. Sorry.

[Dr. Lora]

Oh, I didn't. The muttering. I couldn't determine. I recommend you. I recommend you leave. I do. Because of the anger part.

[Misty]

And there's something else. Like, we're both leaders in this huge ministry.

[Dr. Lora]

Okay, so hypocrisy is not interesting to me.

[Misty]

No, me either. It kills me, actually, because I don't. I'm not good at. I'm. It's not part of who I am, being one person.

[Dr. Lora]

But it will be for more. You stay there and protect him.

[Misty]

Yes, but if. And if I leave, and I know that's true, you know, it. It. It'll kind of mess things up for him.

[Dr. Lora]

So what?

[Misty]

Yeah, so what?

[Dr. Lora]

It's not your responsibility. It's his.

[Misty]

You're right. And I'm past the whole, oh, I love him. I'll do whatever it takes. You know?

[Dr. Lora]

Thank God you're not throwing the love card at me. Thank you.

[Misty]

Yes. Like the truth of a moral morality of it all.

[Dr. Lora]

He lied to get you to marry him.

[Misty]

Yeah.

[Dr. Lora]

If you lie to make any other kind of contract, it's void.

[Misty]

Yeah. Before got in, man. And you're right. Thank you.

[Dr. Lora]

You're very welcome. Make sure you call your brother to help you with this transition, because I don't trust a guy who's been in jail that long and who gets angry. I don't trust it. So make sure your brother is there to protect you. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcast or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

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