You Don't Have to Forgive and Forget

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "You Don't Have to Forgive and Forget"

Release Date: July 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "Call of the Day," titled "You Don't Have to Forgive and Forget," Dr. Laura addresses a heartfelt call from a listener named Susanna. The discussion delves into complex family dynamics, personal accountability, and the empowerment found in setting emotional boundaries.

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Listener's Story: Navigating a Difficult Parent-Child Relationship

Caller’s Background: Susanna shares her challenging upbringing, marked by a physically abusive father and a seemingly passive mother who did not intervene during the abuse. This tumultuous relationship has left her grappling with feelings of abandonment and unresolved anger.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Reevaluating Parental Roles:

   • Dr. Laura introduces the concept of "tearing up your parent card," explaining that it signifies mentally and emotionally distancing oneself from a parent who caused harm.
   • Quote:
     Dr. Laura Schlessinger [01:56]: "I call that tearing up your parent card."

2. Acknowledging Both Parents' Failures:

   • The conversation extends beyond the father's abuse, highlighting the mother's inaction and lack of protection.
   • Quote:
     Dr. Laura Schlessinger [02:27]: "I call that tearing up your parent card when you sat there. And I don't care what her excuse is."

3. Empowering the Listener:

   • Dr. Laura encourages Susanna to assert her boundaries firmly, emphasizing that her mother's efforts to reconnect are motivated by her own needs rather than genuine concern.
   • Quote:
     Dr. Laura Schlessinger [04:18]: "They reach out because they want something. They want comfort. They want a bond. They want connection."

4. Assertiveness Training:

   • Recognizing Susanna's timid nature, Dr. Laura provides practical advice on projecting strength through vocal assertiveness.
   • Quote:
     Dr. Laura Schlessinger [07:28]: "One of the ways you work on it is you talk louder from the diaphragm."

5. Managing Emotional Responses:

   • Dr. Laura addresses the presence of anger in Susanna's healing process, advising her to focus on the positive aspects of her life to mitigate negative emotions.
   • Quote:
     Dr. Laura Schlessinger [08:16]: "But don't bother with that. You got too much beauty in your life right now to have to deal with anger."

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Notable Insights and Conclusions

• Setting Emotional Boundaries: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing when a relationship is no longer healthy and taking decisive steps to protect one's emotional well-being.

• Personal Responsibility: The conversation underscores the role of personal accountability in overcoming past traumas and building a fulfilling life.

• Empowerment Through Voice: By encouraging Susanna to speak more assertively, Dr. Laura illustrates how vocal strength can translate into personal empowerment and confidence.

• Moving Forward: The episode concludes with a positive note on Susanna’s progress and the affirmation of her decision to focus on her new life, free from the constraints of her past.

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Listener Feedback and Testimonials

Towards the end of the call, Susanna shares her appreciation for Dr. Laura's guidance and the impact of her book, "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms," which influenced her decision to become a stay-at-home mother.

• Quote:
  Caller [08:41]: "Your book, In Praise of Stay at Home Moms, helped me make the decision to become a stay at home mom 11 years ago when we had our first son. And I've never looked back."

Dr. Laura responds with warmth and encouragement, reinforcing the listener's positive choices and inviting further communication.

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Conclusion

In "You Don't Have to Forgive and Forget," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a compassionate yet candid analysis of familial relationships gone awry. Through Susanna's story, listeners gain valuable insights into setting emotional boundaries, the importance of personal empowerment, and the enduring impact of unresolved family dynamics. Dr. Laura's advice serves as a beacon for those seeking to reclaim their lives from the shadows of their past.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [01:56]: "I call that tearing up your parent card."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [02:27]: "I call that tearing up your parent card when you sat there. And I don't care what her excuse is."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [04:18]: "They reach out because they want something. They want comfort. They want a bond. They want connection."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [07:28]: "One of the ways you work on it is you talk louder from the diaphragm."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [08:16]: "But don't bother with that. You got too much beauty in your life right now to have to deal with anger."
• Caller [08:41]: "Your book, In Praise of Stay at Home Moms, helped me make the decision to become a stay at home mom 11 years ago when we had our first son. And I've never looked back."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger [09:24]: "My number one, 800-375-2872."

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For more insightful discussions and advice, tune into Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "Call of the Day" on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 Susanna welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura. Good afternoon.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Good afternoon. What's up?

[Caller]

So I called you about six months ago regarding my dad who would pop up and visit when, whenever he wanted. And that, that didn't sit well with me and we, we talked about that and I had told you he was a physically abusive father growing up and I just did not have that emotional connection with him and I asked you for advice regarding that. Then you brought up my mom who I did not have on my radar. She just was just there growing up. And you asked me if she ever did anything to protect me or my siblings and I said no. And you kind of opened my eyes to the fact that my dad was not the only, I guess monster in in my childhood. But also my mom did not do anything and she stood there and watched and did not protect me.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I call that tearing up your parent. Ma', am. Ma', am. Ma', am, Ma'. Am. I call that tearing up your parent card.

[Caller]

Yeah, definitely.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Do you understand what I mean when I say tear up your parent card?

[Caller]

Do you mean the idea that I had of her as a mom is gone?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't know exactly what that means. But when I tell somebody that they parents behavior they tore up their own parent card, it means they're done, they're gone. Irrelevant. It's as though they're dead or never existed. So if you're trying to make something with the evil woman who sat by, because I remember our call. Who sat by and watched you be abused. You must be kidding. The only thing that would have you do that is longing for a mommy, which is very self defeating because she ain't one. She tore up her parent card when she sat there. And I don't care what her excuse is. I was scared, I was tired, I had a stomachache. It doesn't matter. Do you have kids?

[Caller]

Yeah, I have three kids. We have three sons.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Would you run through an area of crocodiles to save them.

[Caller]

Yes, of course.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah. Okay. Your mother didn't even get out of her chair. So really, you're a mother. You're building a whole new life. She's dead.

[Caller]

Okay. Before that conversation that we had, we had a mutual relationship. Not mutual, I'm sorry. We would talk to each other maybe once or twice a month. And now I have gone mute. I've become distant. And she still reaches out. Do I bring this?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And as they get older, they reach out more and more because they know they're going to die. And so they reach out because they want something, not because they were there to take care of you. It's because they want something. They want comfort. They want a bond. They want connection. Something they didn't earn and didn't build.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Anyway, that's my opinion. I hate to see people waste time and effort and emotion when they have a whole new life. Get on with your life.

[Caller]

Thank you. Is there anything I can say to her, do you think when she does reach out to me.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Anything I tell you to say is going to sound probably more harsh than you would want to say it, but you could try something like you tore up your parent card when you sat there and watched dad hurt us. I'm not interested in it now. You're too late.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Is that too tough? Can you say that because you sound a little timid?

[Caller]

I actually am very timid and I am working on that daily.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. One of the ways you work on it is you talk louder from the diaphragm. Let me hear that.

[Caller]

I'm working on becoming less timid so that my point can come across better to others. Yes, I am working on it. Yeah, I am.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Did you see how it changes when you get louder? You see how you just feel it? You feel your own power? Yeah. Good girl. Proud of you.

[Caller]

I do feel anger. Is that part of the.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah, but don't bother with that. You got too much beauty in your life right now to have to deal with anger. She tore up her parent card. She's done. Get on with your beautiful life over which you now have control?

[Caller]

Yeah, I do. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I love your show.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You're welcome. You're welcome. Let me hear it. Loud. Come on.

[Caller]

I love your show. And one more thing. Your book, in praise of stay at home moms, helped me make the decision to become a stay at home mom 11 years ago when we had our first son. And I've never looked back. And I am just so happy with my decision. And I just. Thank you so much. And my husband also does, too.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, bless you and thank you very much for your call. I look forward to hearing from you again with all kinds of good news.

[Caller]

Okay, thanks, Dr. Laura. Bye. Bye.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Bye. Sweet. My number one, it's true, your voice and how you use it is impacted by your state of mind and it impacts your state of mind. It's a circle. So when you speak more assertively, frankly, my dears, you feel more assertive.

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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