
"Your Brain, Romance, and Love" - Listen to my Morning Monologue: I’m sharing my take on pressing issues, enlightening research on human behavior, answering questions I get by email, and my favorite, most instructive interactions with callers. Everything you’ll hear is designed to help you become a better spouse, parent, family member, co-worker, friend, and human being. It’s the free therapy you need! Got a dilemma? Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com - Listen to The Dr. Laura Program daily on SiriusXM Triumph 123.
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
I'm going to talk about your brain
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and romance and love Talking about your brain now. Going to be giving you lots of information that I think is exciting. That was back in, I don't know, 2005.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
They did MRI images of brains while they were still alive of individuals in the throes.
Co-host or Guest Expert
Romantic love does anything actually happen to the brain when you are crazed and demented about somebody?
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Photos of people they romantically loved caused their brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine. Feel good.
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Neurotransmitter Brain drug Natural okay,
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
other areas I'm going to just tell you. I'm not going to use words you probably don't know. Okay, Amygdala, hippocampus.
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I'm going to leave all that out
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
and just say Structures that contribute to the circuit in your brain of reward
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are exceptionally sensitive to and reinforcing of
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
behavior that induces pleasure, such as sex,
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food consumption, drug use and love. Funny how they they're all connected. Which is why having a romantic dinner sort of doubles it.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You've got the romance and you got
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the good food and the pleasure systems are going nuts.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Basically. These are the most primitive areas of
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the brain that are involved in romantic love.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
These areas light up on brain scans
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when talking about someone you love and
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
in some couples, this is interesting. Stays lit up for a long time. So it's not fake that Some people married 3040 years say they are incredibly in love as though it were the first day. They're not lying. We check their brains and they're not lying. But it's less usual and it'd be interesting to see what they do to maintain that brain excitement level.
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger
So let's look at like the brain over time with this when we're falling in love, chemicals associated with that reward circuit flood our brain. We get all kinds of physical and emotional responses. Your heart races, your palms are sweaty, your cheeks flush. The feelings of passion are also wrapped up with anxiety. And that's interesting. And that's something that changes over time. Levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase during the initial part of romantic love because we're coping with a crisis. This is overwhelming. This kind of passionate romantic stuff is very upsetting and threatening. So cortisol increases because it's all stressful. And low levels of serotonin, which is my favorite neurotransmitter. Low levels of serotonin precipitate the intrusive,
Co-host or Guest Expert
maddening, preoccupying thoughts, hopes, terrors of early love.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You go crazy. Infatuation makes you freaking crazy. Your body and brain are going crazy. Obsessive compulsive behaviors associated with infatuation. It's craziness in a way. Thank God it doesn't just last like
Co-host or Guest Expert
that forever because you probably have to
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
be sedated to get through life. So that infatuation, you got the dopamine chemical that gets the reward system going and then everything else adds to it.
Co-host or Guest Expert
Just like cocaine or alcohol would.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Oh, she didn't say that. She didn't say that.
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And there are even more chemicals involved in romantic love.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Oxytocin. You've heard about that, and vasopressin. Now these also have roles in pregnancy, birthing, nursing mother, infant attachment.
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However, they're released during sex and heightened
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
by skin to skin contact. Oxytocin deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex. Which means if you're having sex with someone you don't know, therefore you don't love with them and you got the oxytocin going. You're creating a false sense of bonding. That's why you women who get involved with sex when they're, before there is anything meaningful, feel bonded and don't know how to break up.
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Ah.
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Oxytocin is the love hormone. Provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, security, which are also associated with bonding.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Vasopressin is linked to a behavior that produces long term monogamous relationships. The differences in behavior associated with the actions of these two hormones explain why passionate love fades, but attachment grows.
Co-host or Guest Expert
It's a balance of brain hormones. Now this is the corker that I wanted to tell you about in particular because this is what makes you stupid.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Okay, I don't know what makes you stupid in a love relationship.
Co-host or Guest Expert
I'm going to tell you.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
So in addition to the positive feelings
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romance brings,
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions such as fear and social judgment. When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical intelligent assessments, including assessments of those with whom we are romantically involved shuts down. That's the neural basis for the ancient wisdom.
Co-host or Guest Expert
Love is blind.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
The brain is doing that.
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It's intentionally making you freaking stupid.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Why would the brain do that? Because think about it, we're animals. We're not vegetables, we're not minerals, we're animals. Typically supposed to be smarter animals, but we're still animals. And what is the ultimate point of animals? Reproduction?
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More of the same.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
So negative aspects you ignore. The brain is going, I really don't
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care if he or she is a jerk, let's just make babies.
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Isn't this fun?
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Fun.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Nonetheless, there was a 2011 study that came from my alma mater, State University of New York, It's Stony Brook. It's possible to be madly in love
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with someone after decades of marriage.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
So state of the art investigation, the MRI scans has confirmed for the very first time that people are not lying when they say after 10 or 30 years that they're still madly in love. However, the balance between the passion and
Co-host or Guest Expert
anti stress, which passion causes stress. People usually have terrible stomachs and have terrible problems and can't work.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
It's so messed up. So for those whose long term marriage has transitioned from passionate romantic love to a more compassionate routine type of love, it's possible to rekindle the flame that
Co-host or Guest Expert
characterized you in the beginning. You get out of the habit of sex, you get out of the habit
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
of touching, you get habit. You get out of the habit of being sweet. You're out of the habit of being incredibly in love.
Co-host or Guest Expert
Now, let's be fair. There's work, there's children, financial issues, a sick parent.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
But that original kind of love can be reignited, increasing the oxytocin levels and activated the brain's reward circuit. I talked about making you desire each other's more. You can get back to the exhilarating days.
Co-host or Guest Expert
You have to get back into sex and touching and talking and playing and laughing together. You have to do those things because then the reward circuit is turned back on. Okay, that's your brain and that's love.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
My number.
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1-800-375-2872.
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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: “Your Brain, Romance, and Love”
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: May 14, 2026
In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the science behind romance and love, exploring how our brains respond when we fall in love and stay in love. Dr. Laura, with input from a co-host or guest expert, breaks down the neurochemistry of attraction, infatuation, lasting bonds, and why “love is blind.” The episode also explores ways to keep long-term relationships vibrant, offering practical advice rooted in psychology and neuroscience.
[01:24–03:27]
[06:40–08:46]
[08:46–10:21]
[10:21–11:28]
[12:24–14:23]
Dr. Laura’s insights blend science, practical advice, and her signature wit—making this episode both enlightening and useful for listeners seeking to understand why love feels so overpowering, and how to nurture it for the long haul.