Your Brain, Romance, and Love

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: “Your Brain, Romance, and Love”
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: May 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the science behind romance and love, exploring how our brains respond when we fall in love and stay in love. Dr. Laura, with input from a co-host or guest expert, breaks down the neurochemistry of attraction, infatuation, lasting bonds, and why “love is blind.” The episode also explores ways to keep long-term relationships vibrant, offering practical advice rooted in psychology and neuroscience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Brain in Love: What Romance Looks Like Inside the Head

[01:24–03:27]

• Dr. Laura explains that research using MRI scans shows particular brain regions light up when people are romantically in love.
  • “Photos of people they romantically loved caused their brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine—the feel-good neurotransmitter.” (Dr. Laura, 02:00)
• Instead of using technical brain structure names, Dr. Laura describes how the brain’s reward circuit, which is linked to pleasure (sex, food, drug use), is also triggered by love.
  • “Which is why having a romantic dinner sort of doubles it.” (Co-host, 02:50)
• Some couples, even after 30–40 years, show these same brain activities, confirming that long-term deep romantic feelings are neurologically real, if uncommon.
  • “We check their brains and they’re not lying.” (Dr. Laura, 03:27)

2. The Chemical Cocktail of New Love

[06:40–08:46]

• Falling in love floods the brain with chemicals tied to the reward system, producing passion, excitement, and even anxiety.
  • “Levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase during the initial part of romantic love because we’re coping with a crisis.” (Dr. Laura, 06:56)
• Low serotonin levels are associated with obsessive thoughts and behaviors—hence, the “maddening, preoccupying thoughts” characteristic of infatuation. (Co-host, 07:54)
• “Infatuation makes you freaking crazy. Your body and brain are going crazy. Obsessive compulsive behaviors associated with infatuation. It’s craziness in a way.” (Dr. Laura, 08:01)
• Dr. Laura compares the effects of dopamine—central to love’s thrill—to the highs of substance use.
  • “Just like cocaine or alcohol would.” (Co-host, 08:38)
  • “Oh, she didn’t say that. She didn’t say that.” (Dr. Laura, 08:40, laughingly)

3. Bonding & Attachment: Oxytocin and Vasopressin

[08:46–10:21]

• Oxytocin (the “love hormone”) and vasopressin are released during sex and skin-to-skin contact, deepening emotional bonds between partners.
  • “Oxytocin deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex.” (Dr. Laura, 09:12)
  • Key caveat: Early sex without emotional attachment can create an artificial sense of bonding, making it hard to break off relationships that aren’t meaningful.
    • “That’s why you women who get involved with sex when they’re, before there is anything meaningful, feel bonded and don’t know how to break up.” (Dr. Laura, 09:33)
• Vasopressin is linked to long-term monogamous behavior, and together these hormones explain why passion may fade but attachment intensifies over time.
  • “The differences in behavior associated with the actions of these two hormones explain why passionate love fades, but attachment grows.” (Dr. Laura, 10:04)

4. Why Love “Makes You Stupid”

[10:21–11:28]

• “Love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions such as fear and social judgment.” (Dr. Laura, 10:51)
• The brain’s critical thinking and social evaluation circuits go offline when in love (“Love is blind”), which helps explain why people overlook their partner’s faults early in relationships.
  • “When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical intelligent assessments… shuts down.” (Dr. Laura, 10:51)
  • “Love is blind.” (Co-host, 11:25)
  • “The brain is doing that. It’s intentionally making you freaking stupid.” (Co-host, 11:28–11:31)
• Dr. Laura contextualizes this from a biological standpoint: reproduction is the goal, so the brain glosses over negative traits.
  • “The brain is going, ‘I really don’t care if he or she is a jerk, let’s just make babies.’” (Co-host, 12:06)

5. Long-term Love: Can the Spark Last?

[12:24–14:23]

• Dr. Laura discusses a 2011 Stony Brook University study showing some long-married couples’ passion remains as intense as it was early on, as validated by brain scans.
  • “It’s possible to be madly in love with someone after decades of marriage.” (Co-host, 12:36)
• For most couples, passion fades, but attachment grows. Life stress (work, kids, finances) can dampen routine romance.
  • “You get out of the habit of sex, you get out of the habit of touching, you get out of the habit of being sweet.” (Dr. Laura, 13:40)
• The good news: the passion can be rekindled by returning to behaviors from the early relationship—sex, touch, laughter, and play reignite the brain’s reward circuits.
  • “You have to get back into sex and touching and talking and playing and laughing together. You have to do those things because then the reward circuit is turned back on.” (Co-host, 14:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Infatuation makes you freaking crazy. Your body and brain are going crazy.” (Dr. Laura, 08:01)
• “When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical intelligent assessments… shuts down. That’s the neural basis for the ancient wisdom: love is blind.” (Dr. Laura, 10:51–11:25)
• “The brain is going, ‘I really don’t care if he or she is a jerk, let’s just make babies.’” (Co-host, 12:06)
• “You have to get back into sex and touching and talking and playing and laughing together. You have to do those things because then the reward circuit is turned back on.” (Co-host, 14:23)

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Practical Takeaways

• Early love is biochemically intense—expect to feel crazy, anxious, and blissful all at once.
• The brain deliberately downplays a partner’s flaws to promote bonding and reproduction.
• Long-term relationships require effort to keep love’s spark alive, but it’s possible to revive passion by intentionally re-engaging in romantic behaviors.
• Don’t mistake oxytocin-fuelled attachment for true love when sex precedes emotional connection.

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Segment Timestamps

• Brains on Love & MRI Science: [01:24–03:27]
• Infatuation & Reward Circuits: [06:40–08:46]
• Attachment Hormones (Oxytocin, Vasopressin): [08:46–10:21]
• Why Love is Blind: [10:21–11:28]
• Long-Term Love & Rekindling Romance: [12:24–14:23]

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Dr. Laura’s insights blend science, practical advice, and her signature wit—making this episode both enlightening and useful for listeners seeking to understand why love feels so overpowering, and how to nurture it for the long haul.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm going to talk about your brain

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

and romance and love Talking about your brain now. Going to be giving you lots of information that I think is exciting. That was back in, I don't know, 2005.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They did MRI images of brains while they were still alive of individuals in the throes.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Romantic love does anything actually happen to the brain when you are crazed and demented about somebody?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Photos of people they romantically loved caused their brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine. Feel good.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Neurotransmitter Brain drug Natural okay,

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

other areas I'm going to just tell you. I'm not going to use words you probably don't know. Okay, Amygdala, hippocampus.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I'm going to leave all that out

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

and just say Structures that contribute to the circuit in your brain of reward

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

are exceptionally sensitive to and reinforcing of

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

behavior that induces pleasure, such as sex,

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

food consumption, drug use and love. Funny how they they're all connected. Which is why having a romantic dinner sort of doubles it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You've got the romance and you got

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

the good food and the pleasure systems are going nuts.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Basically. These are the most primitive areas of

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

the brain that are involved in romantic love.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

These areas light up on brain scans

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

when talking about someone you love and

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

in some couples, this is interesting. Stays lit up for a long time. So it's not fake that Some people married 3040 years say they are incredibly in love as though it were the first day. They're not lying. We check their brains and they're not lying. But it's less usual and it'd be interesting to see what they do to maintain that brain excitement level.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So let's look at like the brain over time with this when we're falling in love, chemicals associated with that reward circuit flood our brain. We get all kinds of physical and emotional responses. Your heart races, your palms are sweaty, your cheeks flush. The feelings of passion are also wrapped up with anxiety. And that's interesting. And that's something that changes over time. Levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase during the initial part of romantic love because we're coping with a crisis. This is overwhelming. This kind of passionate romantic stuff is very upsetting and threatening. So cortisol increases because it's all stressful. And low levels of serotonin, which is my favorite neurotransmitter. Low levels of serotonin precipitate the intrusive,

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

maddening, preoccupying thoughts, hopes, terrors of early love.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You go crazy. Infatuation makes you freaking crazy. Your body and brain are going crazy. Obsessive compulsive behaviors associated with infatuation. It's craziness in a way. Thank God it doesn't just last like

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

that forever because you probably have to

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

be sedated to get through life. So that infatuation, you got the dopamine chemical that gets the reward system going and then everything else adds to it.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Just like cocaine or alcohol would.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, she didn't say that. She didn't say that.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

And there are even more chemicals involved in romantic love.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oxytocin. You've heard about that, and vasopressin. Now these also have roles in pregnancy, birthing, nursing mother, infant attachment.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

However, they're released during sex and heightened

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

by skin to skin contact. Oxytocin deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex. Which means if you're having sex with someone you don't know, therefore you don't love with them and you got the oxytocin going. You're creating a false sense of bonding. That's why you women who get involved with sex when they're, before there is anything meaningful, feel bonded and don't know how to break up.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Ad Segment)]

Ah.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Oxytocin is the love hormone. Provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, security, which are also associated with bonding.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Vasopressin is linked to a behavior that produces long term monogamous relationships. The differences in behavior associated with the actions of these two hormones explain why passionate love fades, but attachment grows.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

It's a balance of brain hormones. Now this is the corker that I wanted to tell you about in particular because this is what makes you stupid.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I don't know what makes you stupid in a love relationship.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I'm going to tell you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So in addition to the positive feelings

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

romance brings,

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions such as fear and social judgment. When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical intelligent assessments, including assessments of those with whom we are romantically involved shuts down. That's the neural basis for the ancient wisdom.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Love is blind.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The brain is doing that.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

It's intentionally making you freaking stupid.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why would the brain do that? Because think about it, we're animals. We're not vegetables, we're not minerals, we're animals. Typically supposed to be smarter animals, but we're still animals. And what is the ultimate point of animals? Reproduction?

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

More of the same.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So negative aspects you ignore. The brain is going, I really don't

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

care if he or she is a jerk, let's just make babies.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Ad Segment)]

Isn't this fun?

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Fun.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Nonetheless, there was a 2011 study that came from my alma mater, State University of New York, It's Stony Brook. It's possible to be madly in love

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

with someone after decades of marriage.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So state of the art investigation, the MRI scans has confirmed for the very first time that people are not lying when they say after 10 or 30 years that they're still madly in love. However, the balance between the passion and

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

anti stress, which passion causes stress. People usually have terrible stomachs and have terrible problems and can't work.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's so messed up. So for those whose long term marriage has transitioned from passionate romantic love to a more compassionate routine type of love, it's possible to rekindle the flame that

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

characterized you in the beginning. You get out of the habit of sex, you get out of the habit

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

of touching, you get habit. You get out of the habit of being sweet. You're out of the habit of being incredibly in love.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Now, let's be fair. There's work, there's children, financial issues, a sick parent.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But that original kind of love can be reignited, increasing the oxytocin levels and activated the brain's reward circuit. I talked about making you desire each other's more. You can get back to the exhilarating days.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

You have to get back into sex and touching and talking and playing and laughing together. You have to do those things because then the reward circuit is turned back on. Okay, that's your brain and that's love.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

My number.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

1-800-375-2872.

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