695: William Montgomery

Summary

Podcast Summary: Duncan Trussell Family Hour | Episode 695: William Montgomery

Release Date: June 22, 2025
Host: Duncan Trussell
Guest: William Montgomery
Title: Episode 695: William Montgomery

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Introduction and Welcome [00:00 - 05:25]

Duncan Trussell kicks off the episode with his characteristic warmth, greeting listeners worldwide and announcing his upcoming Australia tour. He shares excitement about connecting with fans across various cities, including Auckland, Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, and Perth. Duncan invites listeners to watch live episodes on his YouTube channel before introducing the episode’s guest, William Montgomery.

Notable Quote:
Duncan Trussell: "Everyone in Australia I'd love to meet individually, every person living in Australia. All I need is for you to come to any of these shows." [00:00]

Technical Glitches and a Fresh Start [00:00 - 05:25]

The live recording faces initial technical difficulties with William Montgomery appearing visibly frustrated due to microphone issues. Despite the hiccup, Duncan persists, humorously navigating the technical setbacks and finally re-establishing the connection to begin the meaningful conversation.

Parade Season Experiences [05:26 - 11:00]

William shares his recent experiences attending parades, highlighting the vibrant atmosphere and the variety of vendors, especially praising the corn dog stalls. He recounts a peculiar incident where he was hit by a beanbag during one parade, sparking a humorous exchange about parade safety and the unexpected events that can occur.

Notable Quote:
William Montgomery: "I was walking into a place, and I just got hit with something in the face. I thought it was a bee or something." [06:05]

Corn Dog Eating Contests and Their Quirks [11:01 - 26:17]

The conversation delves into the realm of corn dog eating contests, with William explaining the intense preparation involved in such events. Duncan humorously critiques the obsession with hot dog eating, likening it to the over-regulation and dangers inherent in competitive eating. They explore the absurdity of participants undergoing surgeries to enhance their eating capabilities, drawing parallels to extreme sports doping.

Notable Quote:
William Montgomery: "A lot of these people are getting the surgery on your stomach. Instead of making it real small, like the fat people will do, they actually get another stomach." [16:42]

Health Concerns and Personal Anecdotes [26:18 - 40:00]

Discussion shifts to William’s recent health diagnosis involving plaque buildup in his carotid artery, prompting Duncan to offer light-hearted advice juxtaposed with quirky humor about health practices. They touch upon diet changes and the challenges of maintaining health amidst competitive eating.

Notable Quote:
William Montgomery: "It’s a Nashy Nationwide boil order. My God." [02:45]

Parade Safety and Observations [40:01 - 55:20]

William provides practical tips for parade-goers, including bringing backpacks, food, water, sunscreen, and protective footwear. They discuss the significance of various flag symbols seen at parades, debunking myths like the upside-down American flag indicating ecstasy sales. The hosts emphasize the communal and joyful aspects of parades while acknowledging the underlying eccentricities and safety precautions.

Notable Quote:
William Montgomery: "Bring some boots. Bring some steel toe boots. The last thing you want is to get to one of these parades and your big toe gets smushed." [84:25]

Humorous Interlude and Commercial Spoof [55:21 - 76:37]

Duncan and William engage in a comedic segment where Duncan showcases a fictional Burger King commercial he directed. The segment features absurd scenarios, including the use of CGI to depict deceased individuals dancing on hamburgers. This playful interlude highlights Duncan’s improvisational humor and creative storytelling.

Notable Quote:
Duncan Trussell: "This is one of the most creative and exciting experiences I've ever had, collaborating with a great company like Burger King." [63:03]

Audience Interaction and Final Thoughts [76:38 - 85:49]

The episode transitions to addressing live audience questions, where William shares additional insights and humorous takes on parade dynamics. They discuss the blending of various cultural and symbolic flags, such as Ukrainian and Palestinian flags, emphasizing the diverse and inclusive nature of modern parades.

Notable Quote:
Duncan Trussell: "If you have a million flags, you might just freeze up choosing which one to fly." [84:50]

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events [85:50 - 105:20]

As the episode nears its end, Duncan and William reflect on the shared experiences and the importance of community during parade seasons. They mention William’s upcoming show in New York City and express mutual support for each other’s endeavors. The episode concludes with a mix of heartfelt messages, light-hearted banter, and a final humorous exchange about the challenges of directing commercials.

Notable Quote:
Duncan Trussell: "Please go see William Montgomery in New York. Rest in peace, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Stay safe at the parade." [103:56]

Conclusion

Episode 695 of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour presents a vibrant and entertaining conversation between Duncan and his guest, William Montgomery. From the lively discussions about parade experiences and competitive eating to humorous commercial spoofs and audience interactions, the episode encapsulates the essence of Duncan’s salon-style show—blending deep insights with comedic relief. Listeners are left with a sense of community, laughter, and anticipation for future episodes and events.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on a provided transcript and may contain paraphrased content for clarity and coherence. All notable quotes are attributed to the respective speakers with approximate timestamps.

Transcript

[Duncan Trussell]

Greetings, friends. It's me, Duncan. And wow, what an episode we have for you today. My friend William Montgomery is with us today, and as you know, parade season is in full effect, and he had a lot of things to say about one of the big parades he recently attended. But before I get into that, I want to say hello to my friends down under. It's been too long, loves, and I'm headed your way. I have an Australia tour coming up, and I would love to see all of you. Everyone in Australia I'd love to meet individually, every person living in Australia. All I need is for you to come to any of these shows. I'm going to be at the Sky City Theater in Auckland, the Tivoli in Brisbane, the Factory Theater in Sydney, the Thornberry Theater in Melbourne, and the Astor Theater, Perth. You can find ticket [e-mail] Australia I'm coming home. Also, if you're one of our dear listeners, don't forget we have a YouTube. If you want to see these epic episodes live, you can find those at Duncan Trussell on YouTube. And now, everybody, William Montgomery. I'm so excited to introduce today's guest. We're going to have to start the podcast over. William Montgomery is here, everybody. Can they see both of us at the same time? How does that even work? Oh, there you go. William Montgomery's here. William. Let me just start over, because we have to start over the podcast. So thus ends the live dtfh with me just rambling. And now we will begin the second phase of the dtfh. This is phase beta. Crow. And let me just introduce it real quick. Everybody cut his fucking mic.

[William Montgomery]

All right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Cut his mic. Cut his mic. Have you never been on a show? Do you understand that. That I have to introduce the new show? Do you. Fuck it. You're over there with your lives with your wheezy laugh as I'm trying to go into beta. Just let me do this.

[William Montgomery]

Water out of the sink. By.

[Duncan Trussell]

By any chance, have you turn his mic on so we can hear what he has to say?

[William Montgomery]

Go ahead. Have any. Either one of you ever tasted the water out of the sink in the bathroom?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's fucking.

[William Montgomery]

Is it safe to drink if you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Heat it up first?

[William Montgomery]

Well, I just drank some and, yeah, I was immediately thinking, this smells weird. This tastes weird. Are you kidding or. It's okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what? We should get William some water, probably. Do you mind? And then we'll just.

[William Montgomery]

And you were kidding, right? No, you got. You have to warm it up first.

[Duncan Trussell]

We're Going to get you water.

[William Montgomery]

Really?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, just heat it up. You eat your fucking water? I didn't heat it up.

[William Montgomery]

I just drank some.

[Duncan Trussell]

What are you, a dog?

[William Montgomery]

I had surgery today, Duncan, literally.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry, man. But, dude, I heat up and.

[William Montgomery]

You're kidding, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

No. You got it. It's a BO Boil order. All because of the parades. It's a Nashy Nationwide boil order. My God.

[William Montgomery]

Y' all are messing with me. Smell my hand. You want to. Smells moldy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Smells good.

[William Montgomery]

Smells moldy.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, it doesn't.

[William Montgomery]

I just drank that water. That was. I cupped it out of my hand.

[Duncan Trussell]

Hand. I just feel like I smelled a rose. That really smelled good, man. Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

Well, thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, I have heard that people who are, like, very advanced magically or spiritually smell like roses.

[William Montgomery]

That would make sense.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you smell like a rose.

[William Montgomery]

That would make sense. I've been working on my magic stuff ever since I started doing those shows with you, and you were telling me about all the magic. I started doing some of the magic stuff recently.

[Duncan Trussell]

But isn't it fun?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, it's so much fun. Yeah. I just watched that scary movie where they're using a bunch of magic.

[Duncan Trussell]

We can't see you. Cause Josh went to get William water. Thank you, Josh. Is that. Is that boiled? I boiled it first.

[William Montgomery]

Pre boiled.

[Duncan Trussell]

So now I think.

[William Montgomery]

You are kidding. Now I think it's safe, Josh. It's safe that I drink the water out of there, right? You should be good. Well, what is. What is theoretically even a problem?

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you cut his mic?

[William Montgomery]

All right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the dtfh. We are here with one of my favorite comedians of all time, and we're doing this live. This is the first time that I can recall that we've ever had a guest on a live feed. So it's pretty exciting. As many of you out there listening or watching on YouTube know, we are in. Parade season is in full effect. And I've. You know me, that's all I've been talking about for the last month. It's like, when is it going to start? When does parade season start? And now it has happened. You guys know I got a bunch of kids. I'm very busy. I've been working on getting the napping room in my backyard underneath the house, which is a lot. We've got a tunnel napping room under the house. It's really cool. It's so fun. So I haven't had time to make it out to any of these parades, but I'm so excited Because William Montgomery decided to take a break. He's full bore into the parade thing and dropped by the studio. I think he was just at one of these parades. And we're here to talk about it now. We have someone who's actually been at the parades in person. Everybody, it's William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

So nice to be here.

[Duncan Trussell]

Great to see you.

[William Montgomery]

And if you want to adjust the camera, if everybody wants to see, I actually. Look at this. I got hit with a beanbag. Part of a beanbag. See, I got part of a shiner coming in.

[Duncan Trussell]

Damn.

[William Montgomery]

And then also. Yeah, you want to zoom in right there. I was actually at the parade last night having a wonderful time. I just want to say all the vendors they have set up there are some really great corn dog vendors. These freaking things. They're wonderful. Oh, my gosh. I was eating so much food last night, having so much fun. People start running for some reason. I don't understand what's going on.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it's the running gas. Was there the running smoke?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, there was some sort of smoke.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you know how they have the starter gun and the smoke comes out of it? It races that. That. Dude, you know what you've been. This is the thing. Your boots on the ground. I've been looking at the new parade rules, but apparently one of the games they're playing is when you see the running smoke, you run.

[William Montgomery]

Yes, and I did not.

[Duncan Trussell]

Was there smoke? Was there, like, running smoke? Did you see smoke while people were running?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, it's running smoke. Okay. Okay. Because, yeah, I see smoke. And then I noticed people are running, so I didn't. I couldn't put two and two together at the time, But I didn't really have a lot of time to even try and put two and two together because I got hit by something in the face. I thought it was a bee or something. And then I noticed there is somebody in some sort of desert wear. Yeah, like desert wear or something. It really was like desert wear with some sort of. Looked like a shotgun. And I guess it was. He was shooting.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude. The cosplay at this. This year's parades is just off. Off the charts. Like, they. They definitely are putting a lot of money into the cosplay. That's. That's crazy because, like. Did you. Did you pick up the beanbag?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, was able to pick up the beanbag.

[Duncan Trussell]

I want to see it.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. It's out in the car.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. I wish you brought it. Those things are so cool. You can trade those for different things. And if. And like, I think you can use them as like.

[William Montgomery]

Hold on, is that me? Hold on. I almost. God, I was just having so much fun. Look, I was in a. No, that was a lady.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't think. Is that Austin? No, I don't think that's Austin, but yeah, that's.

[William Montgomery]

But I was just in California as well. I've been going to all these parades. I've been traveling.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, you're on fucking tour.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yes. I'm going to Minneapolis in two days. I'm really excited. I think there's a good parade about to happen up north.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God, that's gonna be fun. I'm kind of surprised you weren't hitting the Portland parades. They're always good at parades. Seattle parades.

[William Montgomery]

I've been sick, Duncan. I gotta get on a statin. I got my results back from the doctor. I have build up a plaque in my carotid. So I'm just so. I'm having to. I couldn't go to Portland. I was pumped about the parade in Portland or whatever, but. Yeah, I got the bad news and just had to do a couple puzzles this weekend.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you think that has something to do with the corn dog world record thing you did? Like, how many corn dogs did you.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, 15 and 10 minutes. But we're talking two foot long hot dogs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jesus Christ.

[William Montgomery]

Some people would say 30 foot longs.

[Duncan Trussell]

How do you even get those down?

[William Montgomery]

Like a lot of water. A lot of water. I have a system. Yeah, I'll cut it up into little pieces before the whistle starts or whatever. And then once it goes, I can put it in my mouth, pretty much swallow it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, I used to really be into like hot dog eating contests. Yeah, I mean, attending, not doing. Because, like, I'm not one of those. And I'm not. Obviously you're a world record breaker. But, you know, I just think, like, some people have such hubris that they would even think they could do professional hot dog eating. And it's just so lame. It's so I go to enjoy. I'm not one of these people who's like, I want to be a hot dog eater.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I appreciate you because there's way too many people just clogging up the system. Just as my arteries are getting clogged, people clog up to system.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly. Full respect for you. No cap.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I, you know, I always enjoy a good hot dog eating contest. It's really amazing. The athleticism, the training and all that, you know, Dogs of glory is my Favorite documentary, the Ken Burns thing, it's like so incredible. But the corn dog eaters, this is like the next level because whereas with the most hot dog eating contests, worst case scenario, you puke. Yes, that's just part of the game. But. And like in Dogs of Glory, you know, they really like get into like the. Not just like that as a tradition of the hot dog eating contest, but the ayahuasca purges. And apparently like a lot of the hot dog eaters say that their negative energy comes out when they vomit. So there's an actual psychic purging happen. And then of course the. And Ken Burns really covered this. Well, I didn't believe it, but after I kind of believe it, the demonic entities that can get into the crowd from the hot dog puke. Cause they're vomiting out like curses and all kinds of shit that warlocks and witches put on em and stuff. Which is another thing I didn't know, which I'm assuming is the same with corndogs, is like for whatever reason, warlocks, witches, wizards and necromancers, they love going to these things. But some of them curse because they put bets on whoever and then they curse whoever. And so the puking thing is to get rid of the curses that are constantly being hurled at them from the witches, warlocks, blah, blah, and the crowd. So corn dog eating though, what's fascinating me about that, and that's what people.

[William Montgomery]

Need to know, Duncan. It's like all these idiots out there think, oh my God, okay, I get hungry sometimes I can eat a couple hot dogs and with. Around my family or whatever. But again, it's a whole different thing, Duncan. People aren't even thinking about these people out in the crowd, about these kind of devily at times people, about these magical kind of people in the crowd. I mean it's. You're having to deal with that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, maybe you could do this. Josh, will you pull up a hot dog eating contest, please? We'll get to the parade stuff guys, but I think this is pretty interesting. So. Yeah, this is. Let's see if we can get a crowd shot. Okay, Is that a. Okay, yeah, okay, pause it right there. So after watching the Burns documentary, I thought was interesting because you would think like a warlock or a necromancer would wear classic like purple robes, staff with a demon skull on it. But I look out at that and I just see a bunch of people coming to enjoy a hot dog eating con.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I could tell you right now, Duncan, some of those necromancers, they're Wearing the hot dog hats. That's how you can tell a lot of these people. And then some people with the regular ball caps. That's. That's probably a witch.

[Duncan Trussell]

So what percentage of people there are like me just coming to watch just like, classic American hot dog eating contests. And how many of those are like, probably 5% or witches or necromancers.

[William Montgomery]

No, 5% are folks like you.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah. It's a crazy, crazy deal.

[Duncan Trussell]

And this explains why if, like, the. You don't bring your kid to a hot dog eating contest because, like, that's the number one place kids disappear.

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Because the. They snatch the children for the rituals.

[William Montgomery]

Or they sprinkle some hair of some dead relative in their popcorn or something. They eat the hair. You're waking up the next day with some dead relatives standing over you. It's actually your child who has gotten possessed by. Yeah, I mean, it's like this. It's like this waterfall. It's like this. It's horrible.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, people are like, baseball is the best, is the greatest sport because there's so much happening, like, just under the surface.

[William Montgomery]

America's pastime, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you know what? I think hot dog eating is America's past. Everything else is bullshit.

[William Montgomery]

Way more exciting. I mean, you start putting mustard on these things, it turns it up a notch.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is wild. The mustard, spicy mustard. And that is where we jump into corn dog eating contests. And that's where I would say you leave the little boys behind. And now you're in the grown up room. Hot dog eating contest is the romper playroom where your parents send you down when they're doing the key thing. And then the. Remember that when your parents used to, like, trade keys and shit and bang, bang, like watching them bang. Dad's friends and stuff. Okay, I don't want to get derailed by that, but.

[William Montgomery]

And is it okay that I drink? Y' all are scaring me because it smelled so bad, but I had to do it. It's okay that I drink that water, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Any nationwide boil order or whatever because of the parades.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, you won't die, so that's good. Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Don't freak him out. You'll be fine, man. You eat. How many corn dogs have you eaten? I'm sure you could have a little. Little corn contaminated water.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. I was thinking, whenever I walk into a place, I think, okay, I could set up maybe a fryer over here or something over there. I swear to God, it's like a weird. It's a weird deal. Now Every freaking house I go into, apartment I go into. I'm thinking, okay, I could set up. I could set this up right in this corner. I could set this up on this table. I could start making corn dogs in here.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's in your DNA like you're always gonna be. It's always gonna be with you.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. It's from my mom's side of the family. A lot of those people. Corn dog eaters down in Mississippi. Yep. Eating corn dogs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Mississippi corn dog on a hot summer day. Give me a kiss. My sorrows. Go away, Willie Nelson. Now, tell me this. Yeah. Are you afraid because. As opposed to hot dog eating contest. Corn dog eating contests every year. What is it, 20% of contestants choke to death?

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you afraid going into it? It's the free climbing of hot dog eating. It seems so dangerous.

[William Montgomery]

I'm afraid, Duncan. But if I lived my life being controlled by fear, I wouldn't leave my bedroom.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[William Montgomery]

I'm a very fearful person. And that's why you got to practice. I mean, that's why you got to practice when you're cutting it up into the correct sizes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

You practice how to swallow. You take the breading off at first. First you master hot dogs. Then there's this thing that I bought on Amazon. You stick it in your mouth, and then you press a button and it expands in your throat so it makes your throat bigger.

[Duncan Trussell]

A widener.

[William Montgomery]

Yes, a Widener. It makes you gag. It's a really horrible kind of deal.

[Duncan Trussell]

I can't imagine it looks so painful.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, it's nasty.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now, do you agree? And I have a feeling I know what you're going to say, but don't you think that they should make it illegal? The corn dog eaters who've been getting the surgery where they can unhinge their jaw? Isn't that kind of like. To me, that seems like doping in sports?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's totally messed up. But what I say is, well, good luck getting the surgery on your gut, because that's the one on your actual stomach. Because some of these people are getting the surgery on your stomach. Instead of making it real small like the fat people will do, they actually get another stomach.

[Duncan Trussell]

So they're doing, like, the cow thing, where cows have that, like, I don't know how many stomachs they have, but they have, like, one.

[William Montgomery]

They have a couple stomachs. You got to start eating rocks to fill up the one stomach with rocks.

[Duncan Trussell]

Which is crazy to think that they're, like, taking it so far as to replace their teeth with, like, Steel so they can grind up the rocks.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's like a turkey. It's kind of like a turk human turkey.

[Duncan Trussell]

It feels like corn dog eating contest. Hot dog eating contest. It just kind of takes over your life.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, well, it's a cruel mistress, as they say. It's a cruel mistress because it really can start taking over. You can shit. I was 25 when I started. Wanted to start my first family, but it just didn't work out. And now there's. Now there's nights where I can't go to sleep, Duncan. And it's like, holy shit. I made a horrible decision. But you live and you learn, and you try to figure it out, and you eat more hot dogs, and then you eat more corn dogs, and then you start taking statins. And I talked to my mom earlier, and she's telling me statins are maybe dangerous to take, but it's also like, my mom's not a doctor, so I don't know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, you know, I don't know too much about, like, statins or, like, cardiovascular stuff, but, you know, if I was you, like, I've heard, like, mashed potatoes.

[William Montgomery]

Like, without butter, because I thought butter was bad for you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it is if you do it without the mashed potatoes. If you're just eating raw sticks of butter.

[William Montgomery]

So mixing it in with the mashed potatoes, that can maybe help me, because I've heard potatoes are superfoods.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, they actually will prescribe buttered mashed potatoes to people for. They used to give people. God, what was it called? These. There were these pills you could take, but now they will just. It's crazy. My dad had him, like, a little prescription bottle with buttered mashed potatoes in it. And if you start having a heart attack, you eat those things and you're good to go.

[William Montgomery]

That's what they gave the guy. I think. I think it was a Japanese guy. Do you mind looking up the picture? I think it's. You would maybe look up. What do you get with an atomic bomb?

[Duncan Trussell]

Wait, real quick. Can you enlarge the pair of anguish real quick?

[William Montgomery]

I just said that's kind of similar to the thing I put in my throat. But you don't twist it. It looks like that. Maybe you twist.

[Duncan Trussell]

And that goes in your. That's a widener for your mouth. I guess it could work in your. Like, anywhere. That seems like it could help me a lot because I have not been drinking enough water, and I'm having very difficult bowel movements.

[William Montgomery]

Really? Oh, my gosh. Duncan, you know what saved Me?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[William Montgomery]

Because I have two. Duncan, I will go. What about you? I will go a day without going number two.

[Duncan Trussell]

I will sit on the toilet for a day.

[William Montgomery]

Well, be careful it doesn't make your legs go numb. I can only sit on a toilet for so long, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

My wife last week had to like, like, pull me off the toilet because I couldn't get up.

[William Montgomery]

Be careful.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know, but it's just like, you know, if you kind of miss the boat, like, if. So you get up and then whatever. And then suddenly you feel a bowel movement coming on. And then by the time you get to the bathroom, nothing's happening. So if you catch, it's like fishing.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, well, maybe I need to sit on the toilet longer because I'll go a day. But prune juice has been a real godsend for me.

[Duncan Trussell]

I've heard that's really good.

[William Montgomery]

Chug. Prune juice. And then it. But then it's scary because it's like your bowel movements are just kind of watery kind of nightmares. And I don't think your bowel movements are generally supposed to be like that. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, it's good.

[William Montgomery]

Okay. Yeah. Well, that's what it is. Just a bunch of having to clean up after.

[Duncan Trussell]

This is the. This is kind of like the. The over regulation of our country from the woke. Lamestream Media wants you to think that geysers of watery. I'm not going to say a curse word. Bowel movement.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is a sign that something's wrong. Because who does. Who makes the money? You go to the doctor and you're like, is there supposed to be this much blood in my blood?

[William Montgomery]

And the doctor's like, no, get on a statin.

[Duncan Trussell]

Get on a statin.

[William Montgomery]

Well, according to my mom, every time a doctor does that, a prescription for statins, the doctors making money. So it's like a pushback.

[Duncan Trussell]

Tons. They love it. They love it. Yeah. So no, it's totally normal, man. When it does happen, like when I've been on the toilet and it finally happens, like, sometimes, usually it's just like, rock hard. Yeah, like rock hard. You can like, you know, we were on vacation in Waco.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, let's. What did y' all do? Go see some museums and stuff?

[Duncan Trussell]

We went to the Waco Gardens. We went to the Waco Art Museum. Saw three Picassos. Elton John was playing there that night.

[William Montgomery]

We wonderful.

[Duncan Trussell]

Took a yacht ride down the beautiful, like, massive Waco River. We got incredible massages at the Branch Davidian spa.

[William Montgomery]

I love that. I've heard it's really Nice. What do they do? Thai massages there where they're walking on your back.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thai massages. And they. So it's like. This is what I call making. When life gives you lemons, make lemonades. Because they took the compound that was burnt down and they built this beautiful spa. And. And you can go down. And in the basement, they've got this incredible steam room, which is a kind of wink to the. You know, like.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. What happened?

[Duncan Trussell]

They've got, like, a Russian spa that's super, like, hot. And it's like, oh, I love. Dude, it's great. Waco is. If you are in Texas and you're looking for a luxury vacation, my God.

[William Montgomery]

Don'T go to Dallas. Go to Waco.

[Duncan Trussell]

Don't go to fucking in Dallas.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Nothing in Dallas. Waco is just like, I. I feel like I, like, reversed, aged by, like, 10 years. I left there with a spring of my step.

[William Montgomery]

That's wonderful.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I've heard good things.

[Duncan Trussell]

And let me just say, the old lady got a little frisky. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Do they really. Do all the rooms really have mirrors on the ceiling?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Is that freaky?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, the freaky thing about it is it's like. You know the haunted mansion where you could see the ghost in the mirror?

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Different, like, so like, different people who are in the brand in the compound when it burnt down will appear. So, like, oh, my gosh.

[William Montgomery]

And we got Koresh.

[Duncan Trussell]

It doesn't happen in all the mirrors. It's because. Trish, you said Koresh.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, Koresh. Oh, my gosh.

[Duncan Trussell]

David. Trish. Koresh was his sister, but David Koresh, like, so all the ceiling mirrors. Sometimes you'll get Janet Reno, and that's considered bad luck. But we were just like. I'm not gonna say what we're doing.

[William Montgomery]

But you could see up. You could see the mirror up there.

[Duncan Trussell]

And he waves.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. Did he have his little glasses on?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[William Montgomery]

I love that. That. My Steve Koresh.

[Duncan Trussell]

David Koresh.

[William Montgomery]

Steve. My David.

[Duncan Trussell]

David Karell the comic is what you're thinking. He was related to Dave Koresh. Did you know that?

[William Montgomery]

I thought I had read something one time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Changed his name to Carell.

[William Montgomery]

Really?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep. Had to.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. I guess it'd be hard maybe, to get gigs in Hollywood after what your brother or your relative did.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Gosh.

[William Montgomery]

Well, that's cool. Yeah. No, my David Koresh. Excuse me. He wears those glasses. When I think of him, he's got the glasses on.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, those are so cool. Can you pull up a picture of David Koresh? This Very important episode of the DTFH was brought to you by my friends at Lucy. Lucy. 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. And for my nicotine lovers out there, might I direct you to one of the great innovations in nicotine pouches Lucy offers. Lucy Breakers. I love them. Not only do you get the blessing of nicotine, which I love, but also there's a capsule inside, a delicious capsule that you. You get this satisfying ASMR crunch. And then your mouth is flooded with whatever the flavor is you choose. And all of their flavors are amazing. You know me, I'm not going to recommend a garbage pouch and I'm not going to name names, but some of them are out there. Lucy is not among the list of betraying pouches. No, Lucy is perfect and gets the DTFH golden seal of approval. Though I don't think you doubt me. If you do and you enjoy nicotine, just try their Mint Breaker. You're gonna cry with joy. I did. Let's level up your nicotine routine with lucy. Go to lucy.com familyhour and use promo code familyhour to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co and use code familyhour to get 20% OFF. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age. And every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Thank you, Lucy.

[William Montgomery]

And I wanted to. Hold on. So what emits after an atom bomb? What is that called? What kind of poisoning do you get?

[Duncan Trussell]

Radio. Radio radiation?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's. And then at some point the Japanese radiation is. Some guy, Some Japanese guy with radiation poisoning. But they gave him the mashed potatoes. That's what I was trying to. I can think of radiation for some reason.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah, mashed potatoes. Like that. Why do you think there's like massive bowls of mashed potatoes all over dc? Yeah, in glass, like cubes. That's how they do some prints that only work if you're a politician, which is bullshit.

[William Montgomery]

Pretty weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

And it just opens up and you just like scoop up some mashed potatoes. You'll be fine. Now, you know what I find interesting about him? Can you pull up the one where he's wearing that cool rainbow shirt? The one right there. His IMDb. Let's see if he's got any reviews.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, he was in some pretty cool movies. People forget about that.

[Duncan Trussell]

The Crying Game.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. That was crazy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Breaks your heart, man.

[William Montgomery]

So sad.

[Duncan Trussell]

Kiss of the Spider Woman. The remake of the Fly with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah, he was in some really cool shit, man. A lot of Cronenberg stuff. But now can you pull up Jeffrey Dahmer, another actor. Actor. Controversial actor, I guess.

[William Montgomery]

And he was more of a voice guy, wasn't he? Didn't do Muppet stuff. And.

[Duncan Trussell]

And is there any way to put them side by side? I just find it fascinating that Jeffrey Dahmer and Dave Koresh wore the same glasses.

[William Montgomery]

It's great. It's quite the look. I mean, you don't really see it these days of messed it up for people.

[Duncan Trussell]

What is that? Look at the. Like. It's basically the same exact glasses.

[William Montgomery]

It's a look, and it's sad.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is it sad?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. Is it kind of weird? It's like an aviator. It's like aviator sunglasses with. With just the. The lenses in there. I don't know. It's kind of a fun look. I think aviators can make you look kind of cool.

[Duncan Trussell]

I feel like they're. They're. It's cumbersome on the face.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Don't they always. I had a pair one time of aviator sunglasses. I left them drunkenly at a friend's house one night. They never gave them back. I remember it was. I always had to do this number. I always had to push them up on my face. Like, why do people do this?

[Duncan Trussell]

Make you look smart? Yeah, it's like an indication of, like. Let me answer the question. You push them up. Can you pull up psa? Don't be horny for Evan Peters, who played Jeffrey Dahmer in the Netflix documentary. It's right there on the side. It says Decider. See it up there on the screen, Josh? There. I'm curious what this is about. I just want. I love Decider psa. Don't be horny for Evan Peters as Jeffrey Dahmer, you sicko. We're friends, right? And friends can be honest with each other about important things in life. You know, I'll tell you one thing I love. I love it. I love these vlogs where people correct or like, fix me.

[William Montgomery]

Sometimes it happens.

[Duncan Trussell]

You need to get the hedges trimmed. And this is nice. Lately there's been a disturbing trend of romanticizing and sexualizing serial killers. I do do that. We saw the worst of this when Netflix was going through its Ted Bundy phase. God damn. I think I. After the Ted. My jerk off. The Ted Bundy phase, my cock was.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, he was like a freak.

[Duncan Trussell]

I couldn't stop. Just. I just. It was really bad. I kept having to go in the bathroom when I was watching the Dahmer one with my wife because it was.

[William Montgomery]

Did she know what you were doing?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. She's like, are you jerking off again? We saw the worst of this when Netflix was going through its Ted Bundy phase. The year was 2019, and the streamer released two Hep Bundy focused projects. If you were to believe Twitter, the biggest takeaway from both of these projects was that Ted Bundy was a babe. I mean.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. I mean, it is what it is. Well, that's what I did think maybe this is making me think otherwise.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Wait, hold on. Little attention was paid to how Bundy used his conventional, attractive looks and charming personality is a tool to allure in his victims and misdirect those who are susp. Oh, my God. Nope. Fuck.

[William Montgomery]

He's a 10, but confessed to 30.

[Duncan Trussell]

30 murders. These projects.

[William Montgomery]

But if you're a 10, should you be allowed to do that?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know. To kill people if you're a 10. I mean, I don't think if you're a 10. Wrong to ask the question. It's like, you know, there's so many, like, laws that should only apply to non symmetrical people. Let's face it.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you want beautiful people in the world?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I know you do. I do, too. And so now what Josh does. So I have an idea. Let's start executing the most beautiful people in the world and just make it so there's less beauty in the world.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Duncan Trussell]

So fuck this guy. I'm so tired of this shit. Don't correct me if I want to beat off to Dahmer and Bundy.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. We live in America.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's America. Speaking of which, it's parade season. Let's get back to the. Let's pull up a live feed at one of these parades and see if anything exciting is happening at this point.

[William Montgomery]

So you haven't been able to go to one yet? Because again, Austin. There's a pretty good one in Austin.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I have been up to my ass in the backyard because we had a fucking die off. Like every single One of our 15 dogs just kicked the bucket last night. So I've just been digging.

[William Montgomery]

Digging holes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Digging dog graves.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you look at that? Look at the calluses.

[William Montgomery]

I see it's bloody.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Is this live? Can we. This is a live feed for sure. All right. This is fun. Can we turn on the audio. Let's hear what she has to say. Look at that. Great art of Trump.

[William Montgomery]

I know. So I'm real tan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Break this down for me. You've been to these parades. Can you tell? Do you recognize any of these people? What's going on?

[William Montgomery]

The guy in the white hat with the glasses, his head was down. Recognized him.

[Duncan Trussell]

Who was that?

[William Montgomery]

Mike or. No, Gerald. Gerald Anderson. He's a really nice guy. Guy with the hat on right down there. Just showed.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[William Montgomery]

Know him? That guy right there. He always wears those kind of worker goggles. Cool, Anthony. Super nice guy. She's crazy. The girl that just showed right there with the blonde hair, She's a nut. Stay away from her.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why?

[William Montgomery]

Just a freak. She's putting stuff in people's drinks because we go to these parties and stuff after, and then she's putting stuff in people's drinks.

[Duncan Trussell]

Don't do that. There's. Trust me, if you just offer the drug, people will be happy to take it. Like, don't. The problem with that when you surprise somebody like that is, you know, they might. They might have to drive. You just don't know. But just say, do you want to. Do you want to? Like this? You could just go to a bar and ask someone, would you like some of this sedative?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, just ask. Don't just give it to somebody because they could have something messed. They could be on a statin. I don't think you're allowed to do that on status.

[Duncan Trussell]

So let me ask you this. You know, we were talking about this earlier. It's really cool that Mexico. Mexico's gotten involved with this year's parade season. Huge sponsor. Is it true? We've seen a lot of flags here. Two questions. One, is it true that if you have an American flag that's upside down, that means you're selling ecstasy?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, because I literally have a neighbor who does that. And there's people constantly coming and going from their house. And I've thought about going over there, but.

[Duncan Trussell]

You should.

[William Montgomery]

I know, but it's like on the other side, like, they're at the end of a cul de sac thing, and then I'm at some apartments on the other end and there's a. A big wall, so I got to figure out how to get over there. But yeah, they have the American flag upside down right in front of their house.

[Duncan Trussell]

And so I also think it's really cool that LA does the whole, like, amnesty for selling ecstasy at the parades, which is fucking cool.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's very cool of them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. I've got to ask the breakdown. For me, as someone who goes to these parades a lot, I'm looking out, you know, I just see people having fun. I see really fun people having a lot of fun. But I've heard that there are, like, meanings, like the. What does the pink head wrap mean?

[William Montgomery]

It means he is a second in command of one of the. One of the little groups. But that means second in command.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, cool. And the. Now, I have been seeing a lot of different types of flags. Is it true that some flags mean, like, I'm selling nitrous? Some flags are more kind of like I'm into fisting or whatever. And is it true that there's a lot of fisting that happens at these things?

[William Montgomery]

There is. Especially in the tents. If you are by. Are you. If you are by any tents at any of these things, do not go knocking on the door of the tent. Do not unzip the flap.

[Duncan Trussell]

You mean they have door or do they have doors?

[William Montgomery]

Flaps. Excuse me. Yeah. Do not knock on the flap. Do not open up the flap because stuff's going on inside. I mean, it's a bunch. It's a bunch of people having a ton of fun. Summertime.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's summer. It's like it.

[William Montgomery]

It's, you know, wonderful weather in LA right now. I don't know if you all been following that. I mean, it's just wonderful weather over there. It's a great time to be outside, be with your friends.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now, look at this. Mummy cosplay. You see that? I've been seeing a lot of mummy cosplay people with the full thing over their head, but I am seeing a lot of bandit cosplay, like old school Western bandits. I'm seeing a lot of medical cosplay. Break it down for me. What. What are the. What are these different teams? What do they mean?

[William Montgomery]

It's like one. It's like each year it's a different. It's just kind of like fashion for just somebody's everyday life. Things come, things go. This year it's fun. I don't know who it was, but one of these top guys, I think it was Michael something. He. He came into one of the. The meetings.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

And he was wearing. It was like a cowboy thing. And everybody was like, oh, my gosh, what's.

[Duncan Trussell]

Huh?

[William Montgomery]

Hold on. What's going on? Why are you dressed like that? And then he gets this big smile on his face and he's like, this is what I think we're going to start wearing this year. And then everybody yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bandit. Cowboy. Cowboys.

[William Montgomery]

Cowboy. Bandit. Robin Banks.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God, I love it.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, it's very exciting. It's just real hot in the cowboy boots. You have to switch them out.

[Duncan Trussell]

No. One thing I don't understand, and I've always wondered about this, like, because if I'm going to this parade, you know, I'm probably gonna do. I don't know, man. I'm probably gonna, I love, like, this guy's pink gas mask is fucking cool. I'm gonna do that. That's super cool. He's got this, the goggle thing, which is like, ready. There's so many great pools in downtown la, so he's ready to go swimming when he takes a break. But what do you care if I.

[William Montgomery]

Plug something really quick?

[Duncan Trussell]

Not at all.

[William Montgomery]

If you go on William Montgomery goggles.com Go there. I'm selling stuff. I ended up opening up a shop because, again, I'm around a lot of these people, Duncan. So I see what they want, I see what people are wearing. I see kind of what the fashion is, if you will, at these things.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Go to williamtgomerygoggles.com and I have a bunch of really cool stuff and different ways you can accessorize, you know what I mean? Because you want to look different than other people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I, I, that's the thing. Like, I used to sort of be like, if I went to one of these things, I'd probably just, just do a T shirt, you know, I don't want to, like, be garish, but I, you know, I think, you know, you're going to have way more fun if you put some thought into that. Again, let's like, look at this guy. I just love it. It's like the pink, the way that it sort of like brings out that the goggles, it's really cool. It's like this great outfit. Look at this. Look at this woman.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, she looks a little lost or something.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's, that's, you know, that I wish that they have more organizers because it seems like she's either didn't want to be at the parade or she's at the wrong parade.

[William Montgomery]

And see, I hate this, Doug. And we've now seen a couple of people with their phones. It's like being at a concert when somebody in front of you is recording the concert. It's like, hold on. I can't even see this freaking stage. All I can see is your phone of the stage.

[Duncan Trussell]

Boring.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. It's like these people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, participate. You like, nobody, like, keep your Phone down.

[William Montgomery]

Participate.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is it true? Now this is something we were talking about earlier. Josh brought this up. I was not aware of this. So, you know, as a dad, it does bum me out when I see the fuck ice things everywhere.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now I didn't know what that was about because I'm just going to lay it on the line. On a hot LA day, I would love a nice cold glass of ice water, iced tea, diet Coke with a chewable ice.

[William Montgomery]

And you have all kinds of ice. That's what I was about to say. I mean, you get me on a hot day, drive me to a Sonic, I'm getting a root 44 cherry limeade with that little pellet ice. It's nothing better.

[Duncan Trussell]

I picked up a hitchhiker and he's like, you know, pull over this Burger King, I'm hungry. And he's very rude. But we pulled over there and he ordered a Coca Cola. All right. Yeah, no ice. And I'm like, am I about to get murdered?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate when weirdos are doing stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

It was.

[William Montgomery]

Don't do it around me.

[Duncan Trussell]

It was really crazy. And then you know what he did? Drank it all in like three gulps. And guess what? The next 50 miles were okay. I gotta pee. I gotta pee.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah, it's just.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, what are you doing? But then Josh shared with me that actually, I guess Vanilla Ice. What is the story that he did that pissed everybody off?

[William Montgomery]

He did a rendition of Ice Ice Baby and it's a rock song and people were really upset. They say he ruined the old one. Oh my gosh. Why did he even. I know.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, you, please go ahead.

[William Montgomery]

Wait, why do you. Yeah, I wonder why I even thought he needed to remix. Hold on. What's that? Can I have one of those? What's that?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, this. This is.

[William Montgomery]

I haven't done. I'll be honest, I haven't done a 6 milligram of.

[Duncan Trussell]

Those are actually very. These are gentle. The Zen's, they make you puke. Whatever the they're putting in the Zins is.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Is that gonna kill us, Duncan?

[Duncan Trussell]

The Zen's. No, I'm. I'm with like.

[William Montgomery]

You really don't think.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I don't think. I think we've like they. They finally figured out nicotine and for sure in a few years we're not all gonna have like some horrible thing happen.

[William Montgomery]

Wait, what? It. That's just nicotine, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Just nicotine?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it's just nicotine. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. So this to me, obviously you Feel like an artist should not change. And I think. I guess that's a fundamental disagreement we have. I do think it's absolutely crazy that people try to lock an artist into some style or form. They don't want artists to experiment. And the fact that people at these parades that are meant for fun, meant for family fun, are so angry at one of our nation's best musicians for experimenting with his music that they would go and write the F word all over the city to defame and just try to lock Vanilla Ice into that and punish him. And I already canceled the show. He was gonna do downtown.

[William Montgomery]

Really?

[Duncan Trussell]

So congratulations.

[William Montgomery]

So it kind of worked. So you're not even gonna see the show?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, no one gets to see it now. So there's people who flew here. Cause Vanilla Ice is beloved in Mexico and that so many people came to see him perform. And now I think he was just like, all right, it's sad.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, look. Yeah, it's so sad. People love. I mean, people grew up with Vanilla Ice. I think one of the first times I saw Vanilla Ice was when he was doing the ninja Turtle song.

[Duncan Trussell]

Amazing.

[William Montgomery]

And it's like, oh, my gosh. Who is this guy? Come to find out, he's some up and coming rapper, singer, songwriter kind of guy. Yeah, it's. It's messed up. And I agree, Duncan. It's like, we want to have fun at these parades. Okay?

[Duncan Trussell]

100%.

[William Montgomery]

Stop talking about Vanilla Ice. I agree. It's sick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it. It's not just sick. It's. It's mean spirited. And what did you get? So you decided to put dirty all over the city at a parade, and you connected the F word to Vanilla Ice. And now everywhere, it's F ice. F ice.

[William Montgomery]

And guess I just saw it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Literally just. It's everywhere. And I don't know, maybe it's just one butthurt super fan. I don't know. But now guess what you don't get.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Nobody gets Vanilla Ice now.

[Duncan Trussell]

No Vanilla shows anymore. So congratulations. You will not be performing at this festival. He will not be performing at any of the parades. And did you win? Because I have a feeling that if you have any opinion about him changing a song, it means you're a super fan.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And that is crazy that they become jailers. Yep.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah. It's so messed up. It's all beyond weird creativity.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jailers.

[William Montgomery]

Yes. Not actual jailers at a jail or whatever, but, yeah, creative. It's. Let the guys let him cook a little bit.

[Duncan Trussell]

So the desert. Let's talk A little bit about the desert wear this year. Do you. When I. Have you ever cosplayed as the desert wear people, because that seems like the least fun part of the parade. Whereas everyone else gets to mill around. They gotta sit there with the flexibox.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, that's boring. If you gotta be one of these guys. And by the way, a lot of the times you're getting. At the beginning of it, there's a big. Everybody organizes a rant or whatever, and they do basically picking lots or whatever. And yeah, if you. If you pick these guys, it's boring. You gotta wear those helmets.

[Duncan Trussell]

Have you ever done one?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, I did. In St. Louis a couple years ago. Yeah. And it was middle of the summer, scorch fest. Horrible. They had us in freaking woodland camo, which I do prefer over this. I think woodland camo is a little better than the desert.

[Duncan Trussell]

Desert wear is a little bland.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's kind of bland.

[Duncan Trussell]

Woodland camo kind of says, like, you know, Narnia, Lord of the Rings. It's just a little. The colors are richer and for sure. Whereas desert wear just kind of looks like you left your T shirt in the sun too long.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah. So if you do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, look. Sorry to cut you off, cat person.

[William Montgomery]

Duncan. I was in Tampa this past weekend, and somebody walked past me. It was a little strange. Sweet little couple. And one of the people had the most realistic cattails coming out of their pants I've ever seen. I was amazed. I almost wanted to take a picture, but I didn't have the. I wasn't brave enough. It was the most realistic. I mean, they were walking and this thing is bouncing. Like an actual cat tail.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, they're so cool. You gotta be careful. Those. This is an embarrassing moment that happened. Took my family downtown. This is before parade season started. We're just on a walk and saw one of those cattail gals. And, you know, I got kids, you know, they don't know, but one of my kids pulled the cattail. And as it turns out, those things for a lot of those folks are holding in poop and so yank the cattail and just like Geyser of Poop came out. And they were so mad because, like, it's like basically like just holds it in.

[William Montgomery]

So what do you tell your child after that?

[Duncan Trussell]

Listen, I'm not. I'm gonna, like, you know, that's the kind of thing where it's like, don't. Don't cry over dire spilled diarrhea. Because it's one of those things where they didn't know. I mean, I did have a talk. I them apologize.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, you know, that was nice.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm like, you should never even pull anything's tail. But certainly, like. But they. It's not like they knew that that was this cork on a bottle of shit.

[William Montgomery]

Well, that's growing up. Don't you.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's how you learn.

[William Montgomery]

Learning.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know that's how you learn. Yeah. But no, I did not ask them to clean. I was like, not gonna take it. I know some, like, parents get their kids to clean up after they eat out and stuff. But I was like, sorry, I'm not gonna mop that up. It was. It was horrible. It was so weird. Glitter. Like, she'd been eating glitter mixed in with, like, normal food. Like, glittery splatters of.

[William Montgomery]

Sometimes I wish that I. Maybe I had a cattail. Maybe that would help with my kind of gastrointestinal issues. Like, if I literally could just put a tail in my butt or whatever. And then when I needed to go to the bathroom, like, on my terms, it's just when I pull the tail out, then it's happening.

[Duncan Trussell]

That would be so cool.

[William Montgomery]

Why haven't they made something like that? I mean, it's weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean. Well, based on the outflow from this particular person, I would say that she does not share the same issue we have with our bowel movements. That it's. You know, I think she probably. What do they say? I think her balloon knot is maybe a little loose.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, I see where you're going with.

[Duncan Trussell]

So now, William, when you were cosplaying as the desert where person, I gotta ask, how hard is it not to laugh when they come up and tell you jokes? Because I've been watching this. I know the tradition is you go to the desert where people and you, like, say funny jokes to them. And if they laugh, if the desert where people laugh, then either you have to go to the back of the line, meaning you can't watch the parade at all, or you have to do the tag thing and grab the person. And if you can catch the person, then they have to go. If you get caught, you have to put on the desert wear.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I got caught, Duncan, when it was me, they got caught.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you got him to laugh. I'm sure you did.

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Kind of not fair. You're a comedian, you're a professional.

[William Montgomery]

Got him to laugh. They're all loving it. Then one of them grabs me and then. So I know what the deal is because I've obviously been to him before. I'm like, oh, okay, they're about to take me. They kind of won this round or whatever. And then some of my buddies kind of realized what was going on, and they were trying to grab me as well, because they were. They were thinking I didn't want to play the game, even though I wanted to.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So then it turns into this big thing where they start yelling at the people trying to grab me to go into the crowd, and then the other people. It's like. So it's kind of fun when two different groups of people want you so bad.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, it's fun. It looks cool. So fun. It looks so. Yeah. I've seen a few different. Can you maybe pull up? I don't know, desert wear man playing tag with parade attendee or something. I don't know what it'd be under, but I've seen some great videos, and I. I. It's just like, my God, that, you know, a lot of us need that we. And that's what these parades function as. I just feel like it's the age of loneliness.

[William Montgomery]

We are in the age of loneliness as. Because of our technology and just everything else.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. And. And many people, they just. Just, you know, just being touched at all is, like, a big deal. It's great.

[William Montgomery]

It feels good.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know. And it's heartwarming to see some of these people getting, like. It's essentially like watching, like, tug of war and it's just love.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, for sure.

[Duncan Trussell]

No cap. Yeah. Look at this. Look at all these, like, look at all the. The. The dudes. The. The blue team. Look at this. Go back to the one where they are letting. Where she's taking a break, massaging. I mean, that is like. You know, we used to call that when I went to the raves. Cuddle puddles.

[William Montgomery]

Cuddle puddles. Yeah. People are having so much fun. They end up hitting the deck. And then that picture basically is them making sure they're okay. Just like at any music festival or whatever, they have the tents.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

If you're having a bad trip or having a bad time or whatever, they'll help you. But at these, they actually come to you and make sure everything's okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

And they put the VIP bracelet on.

[William Montgomery]

Yes. And that guy looks like has a couple of VIP giving them out. Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Very cool. Very cool. Oh, look. Look at that. Look at that. That's. Look at the motorcycle stunt, dude. Been seeing a lot of that, man. That's like Evil Knievel.

[William Montgomery]

And it's like, the guy needs to realize. I don't Know if Vanilla Ice is gonna. He's not doing Joe's hair.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I don't know if he's gonna.

[William Montgomery]

Do south of the Border.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's sad. I mean, really.

[William Montgomery]

I don't know.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry, I don't. I think you could wave a million Mexican flags. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure he's not gonna go.

[William Montgomery]

Down there because he's not doing shows here. It's nothing about Mexico. I love Mexico. I think nothing about that.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think it's sweet, though. It's just like, maybe, you know Vanilla Ice. Like, I've heard he was. He watches my podcast. Like, not to brag.

[William Montgomery]

What are the chances he's watching right now?

[Duncan Trussell]

I know.

[William Montgomery]

Vanilla, if you are, come out. We want to see you again. We love your music.

[Duncan Trussell]

Please listen. You know me, I am a longtime fan. You know me very well. And I think that we gotta sort of be a little more compassionate. I don't think the people writing Fuck Ice Everywhere actually hate you. I think they love you so much, they're afraid to see you change. And that's one of the very sad things that could happen when people love each other. Yep. So.

[William Montgomery]

He'S being true, Vanilla. I mean, by the way, he's being so true. I mean, I can tell you're. It's coming from the heart right now. And people. It's all sick.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, what he. You know, what he gave us and, like, basically, like, your music saved my life. And I know I'm not the only person to say that he saved my freaking life.

[William Montgomery]

Twice.

[Duncan Trussell]

He. Artists are sensitive and I'm sorry.

[William Montgomery]

Just be strong, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Artists are sensitive. You know, have you ever. You know, the airports, the toilet paper, it's so fucking abrasive. And it's like, now imagine if everywhere. That's what toilet paper felt like. That's what it's like to be an artist. It's like you're constantly wiping your butt with, like, hard paper. And you, you, you don't. You. When most people, when they see, like, fuck you, man, you don't even think about it. But when you're an artist, that is different. Like, why not just, you know, just fucking, like, just tap dance on this man's heart. And he is. Got the biggest heart of any of us. And that you're out there.

[William Montgomery]

It's okay, Duncan. Duncan, it's okay. Well, I mean, for those watching or whatever Duncan really is. This is sad. He's a huge fan of Vanilla Ice. He's told me a couple of the stories he said about I saved his life once or whatever. But. Yeah. Did you see my cousin out there? He was the guy with a Mexican flag, but it was in reverse. He put it front. Yeah. I think that's a fun move. I think that's a really fun move because normally it's like somebody's wearing a flag or whatever, like a cape. But if you do it on the front of. If you do it on the front, it's hilarious. And then sometimes if you're feeling weird or whatever, you don't have to wear. You can wear, like, a little. Little underwear or something. So then you surprise people when. If it's windy or whatever and it's flapping around and everybody's like, oh, my gosh.

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[William Montgomery]

He's just wearing libido. Yeah. His favorite thing to do is unzip a zipper, and then you don't know if you're talking to a guy who's zipped or unzipped. Exactly. And, I mean, you got the. The flag. Oh, it's wonderful. I love that. That's a wonderful move. So your cousin does that? My cousin does that, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

How long has he been doing that move? Since 2012, when they had the. In New York. Remember, it was against the stock market or whatever. That's where he started. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Okay. Yeah. The Wall Street. Yes. Yeah, I wanted to go to that one because I love New York City. I lived there briefly, I don't know, 15 years ago or something, and I love it up there. That is one of my. One of my bucket list places. Especially now with what's going on with my plaque and my artery or whatever. But that's one of my bucket list locations. Oh, good thing about drinking that water. It does take a lot of plaque off. I think he locked himself out. Give me one second.

[Duncan Trussell]

Coming.

[William Montgomery]

But, yeah, really, I mean, it's hard seeing Duncan like this. Are you okay?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm fine.

[William Montgomery]

It's okay. Duncan. I'm sorry. I really am. I mean, it's sad.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sorry, guys. I. Sorry. I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep.

[William Montgomery]

I'm sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

Get back into it. Cut that. I'm sorry. Just cut that.

[William Montgomery]

That.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what? Let me just. Let's. Let's. Let's shift gears.

[William Montgomery]

Are you okay?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's shift gears. I want to show you guys, and I. I was talking to Josh about this. I do have to dig it out of my computer, by the way. It's 1:25. Do you have. Are you good on time? Where are we at here? Where do you need to be? What's your schedule like?

[William Montgomery]

I just have a puzzle. I was thinking about starting later on.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, great. I love crossword.

[William Montgomery]

Or a thousand piece. And this is like. Yes, I love. I did one last week. It's crazy. Oh, they're wonderful. Thousand and Duncan. This is a crazy one. So this is basically like a dinner table, like at a nice restaurant. And it so you see people's like hands, but you also see like the lobsters and the steaks drinks. This is gonna be a crazy one. But I'm gonna do that after this.

[Duncan Trussell]

You blow. You are like. You honestly inspire the out of me, dude.

[William Montgomery]

Thanks, man. Well, you're sweet to say that because some people are like, oh, you're just wasted. You're really wasting your time doing that, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah. Wasting your time. What are they doing?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, no, they're not finishing a thousand piece puzzle.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, that is a huge accomplishment.

[William Montgomery]

Well, thanks, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let me just find this real quick. So I was telling Josh, you know, for the longest time, one of to me, what's very frustrating when I watched like TV is that they don't have a channel I can go to that's just all commercials.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. I've never really thought about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what I mean? Because I fucking love commercials.

[William Montgomery]

I love that too.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're so entertaining and it's like you gotta sit through a show to get to the commercial and it's so fucking frustrating. You know, I, you know, I've got an old school VHS recorder that I found at an estate sale. Yeah, it was crazy to do Expensive. What?

[William Montgomery]

Expensive.

[Duncan Trussell]

Not only was it fucking expensive as fuck because it was that Jeffrey Epstein estate sale they fucking did.

[William Montgomery]

And Palm or the one in Florida.

[Duncan Trussell]

This was the one in West Palm. And let me tell you, dude, I just got the VHS tape and I didn't think there's gonna be hardcore celebrity cosplay porn.

[William Montgomery]

It was throw that thing out.

[Duncan Trussell]

There's. It's just celebrity look alikes.

[William Montgomery]

Like, oh, throw that out.

[Duncan Trussell]

Crazy. Like this, dude. Like a Bill Clinton look alike. A on and on and on. It was gross.

[William Montgomery]

What was he doing?

[Duncan Trussell]

He was like, I couldn't see her because she was like in some kind of weird ass Handmaid's Tale meets Marilyn Manson outfit. But he's just eating her ass. Damn, it was gross. But anyway, I threw that out and the fucking box of weird ass videotapes they gave me. I fucking Threw that out.

[William Montgomery]

You left them here?

[Duncan Trussell]

You're thinking about my Gazette tapes? No, trust me, dude. I didn't want my kids to find that I tossed them all out. There is crazy in there, man. Like, just weird, stupid art film, you know? I'm not gonna lie. I did put a few more in. There's art film. There's like, some dumbass disturber was like, some angle of the September 11 attacks on the Pentagon.

[William Montgomery]

And, oh, a new angle on that.

[Duncan Trussell]

One made it look like a missile.

[William Montgomery]

Weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

Like, just bullshit like that. Like, I hate that shit. Like what?

[William Montgomery]

Like, it's probably good you got rid of the box.

[Duncan Trussell]

Fucking threw that shit away.

[William Montgomery]

Good for you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you. Out with the old man now. Let me just see if I could.

[William Montgomery]

Find this out with the old and with the corn dog. That's what we say sometimes before the corn dog contest. Isn't that funny? You know why, like, we laugh and.

[Duncan Trussell]

Stuff while I look this up. Can you do me a favor and talk a little bit about. And I've seen video of you doing this. What's it like to be slurping back those dogs and the contestant next to you is choking to death? And how do you feel about the rule that no Heimlich maneuver allowed? Like, if you choke to death at one of those things, you're just gonna die?

[William Montgomery]

Well, I'm normally in the zone, so I'm not really. I'm not too worried about what's going on to my left or to my right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[William Montgomery]

But it hurts a little bit ever since I saved my buddy's friend in Panama city beach in 2006.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you actually.

[William Montgomery]

Heimlich maneuver. I want to help, but I can't.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, I thought you were not allowed to do that, though, is what I read. I read that you're not supposed to save anybody. That. That. That's. You all sign some. Which is like, if I start. Start choking, don't do anything.

[William Montgomery]

No, you're not allowed. That's why it's such a weird thing for me, because I know I've. I've. I've been able to save somebody before via the Heimlich maneuver. So it's like I can't even use. I can't even use that ability even if somebody's dying next to me. And that's happened before.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is it true that people who choke to death on corn dogs die with erections that last for 10 hours?

[William Montgomery]

Yes. And maybe it has something to do with the actual hot dog somehow getting, like, once it goes through your stomach or Whatever. Getting down down there. Whoa. They don't know if it's that or what is this stuff in hot dogs? What do they call those?

[Duncan Trussell]

Meat?

[William Montgomery]

No, the bad stuff. They're filled. Hot dogs are filled with something. Nitrate. Yes. Or it could be the nitrates.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sorry, my button was. I had my pants down the whole time. You didn't even notice. Gotcha.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I noticed. But then I thought, I'm not gonna say anything and.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, pause it. Okay. So. All right. I'm very pleased to show this. It's been a long time. This costs a lot of money. Commercials are very expensive. Burger King luckily, has a lot of money. Or just like, you know. And again, it's sort of like, I would love to be a little more creative with these things, but you do have to do exactly what they say because they give you a shot list and stuff. But this is really one of the most creative of exciting, fun experiences I've ever had, collaborating with a great company like Burger King.

[William Montgomery]

So you made this commercial. Is this recently?

[Duncan Trussell]

I made this commercial. I directed this commercial. I want to thank Gina Castorone from Burger King for sort of like, you know, I never done a commercial I never directed before, so I was nervous, had the butterflies. I want to thank you, Gina, for having a little more patience with me than you probably should have.

[William Montgomery]

I've heard nice things about Gina Castro before.

[Duncan Trussell]

Incredible. Oh, my God. And I do. I want to thank all of the actors who worked on this.

[William Montgomery]

Get me in one. When are you going to get me in a commercial?

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, please. I fucking, like, called your people, man. I, like, basically begged. I thought. I didn't want to be rude. They were like, he's not interested in doing commercials. Commercials.

[William Montgomery]

Well, call me next time, please.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you. It's sweet. I can't believe they would have said that to you.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't understand it at all. At all. It was like they wanted a lot. They were like, listen, here's this rate. And honestly, you're kidding. It was triple the budget of the commercial.

[William Montgomery]

You're kidding.

[Duncan Trussell]

And this was well funded, as you're about to see. But, yeah, let's just go ahead and roll it. You will be seeing this in the next Super Bowl. You will be seeing.

[William Montgomery]

You got a Super bowl spot on the first freaking commercial.

[Duncan Trussell]

Listen, it wasn't just me. It was a whole team of people. I do. I like sometime the hand. Sometimes the hand that holds the brush is not the painter.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what I mean? It's a whole group of people very passionate about Burger King, which I am very passionate about commercials and. Yeah, let's just go ahead and roll it.

[William Montgomery]

The whole marrow, bread and meat.

[Duncan Trussell]

And bread and meat. Fried potatoes that you eat. My voice is a Vidaki. Me remembering him out. Worked at the CIA. Now I work in marketing. Here's more people eating food, eating fast food. Eat food, eat more fast food. Eat food, eat more.

[William Montgomery]

At Karma Frame here. Referral.

[Duncan Trussell]

Or call and tease her up on leave.

[William Montgomery]

Revoking. That's wonderful. I see how it could be.

[Duncan Trussell]

It was.

[William Montgomery]

That's your first one, dude. And you're singing. If I heard correctly, that sounded like your voice.

[Duncan Trussell]

Play it from the beginning and turn it up a little bit more. It seemed a little low. I just want people to hear it, you know, I did get. That's you singing, dude. Let's play it one more time. Turn it up. Key.

[William Montgomery]

I knew it was you, Duncan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Isn't that cool?

[William Montgomery]

God, look at those burgers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you know how hard it was to get a burger that size?

[William Montgomery]

And those old people, dude. Okay, how the heck. How did you do that?

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you just cut to the frame of the older couple dancing on the hamburger? Okay, pause right now.

[William Montgomery]

Is that on top of a building, first off?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. So, you know, you're reading the shot list that Burger King wants you to do, and I'm looking at it, I'm like, okay, I could do that. I could do that. I could do that. That's easy. You know, got to the. They wanted a woman turning into a dinosaur.

[William Montgomery]

Weird. That's kind of weird. But they do funny stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's so funny. And so that I'm like, all right. That's just like. I probably get, like, some special effects people to come in, but then I get to this fucking thing, and they're like, we would like, two senior citizens dancing on top of a giant hamburger bun in Chicago. On top of. I can't remember the name of the building. It's a historic building. And, you know, at that point, I'm like, all right. You know, I could definitely find, like, senior citizen dance actors. That's probably not gonna be hard. And a giant hamburger bun, you know, just. That just means, like, build a giant oven, probably to make the bun. But then I get to the next paragraph.

[William Montgomery]

What is that?

[Duncan Trussell]

They must have recently died.

[William Montgomery]

Bullshit. You're kidding. That's what Burger King's telling your ass on the shot list.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's. It's because their thing is, like, celebration of the ancestors.

[William Montgomery]

How did you get them up and dancing then? That's probably hard.

[Duncan Trussell]

Play that clip again because then I'll tell you how I did it. Just this little part with them dancing.

[William Montgomery]

Are they alive right now or.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, they've been dead, people. Both of them have been dead. The woman had been dead for two weeks. I got lucky with the grandpa. He had died two days before.

[William Montgomery]

He looks a little fresher.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Eat more fast food. I can't believe you found. Go back and play that again. It was so hard because you, you know, I had to call. I don't remember the exact amount. I didn't do it. My assistant did it. But my assistant ended up calling 346funeral homes. And this is where I'm going to do another shout out. Thank you so much to the Glancy brothers in Mobile, Alabama. You guys, honestly, I thought, oh, my God, I'm gonna lose this job. I call them up, explained that they love Burger King. I talked to Gina. I'm like, listen, Gina. They're hesitant because, like, it's an uncomfortable conversation. Now here's what's great. Ms. Adderson. I can't remember her name. This was easier than the gentleman because she died and had no surviving family. Or I guess her family didn't like her. No one gave a fuck. Okay, so that one was easy. Like, listen, we do have an elderly woman here that we just haven't gotten her. I guess they had, like, had a. What do they call it? A death rush. And so they were like, like booked and they just didn't have time to like cremate her.

[William Montgomery]

So she was just in the free.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sitting here in the free.

[William Montgomery]

In probably the back of the.

[Duncan Trussell]

They have great freezers. And so that was no problem. We can get you that easy. But we do not have any, like, elderly gentlemen. And let me tell you, Burger King was very specific about they wanted the man to look like. Because it wasn't just like, we need the corpse. It was like, we need to look like this. This.

[William Montgomery]

This. Yeah. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And so this very important episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by True Classic Teas. Your body is a temple and your T shirt is the thing you wrap around the temple. If the temple had arms and a head. Now, do you want your body temple to be covered in some low grade fabric or do you want to celebrate this incredible gift that we call human incarnation by placing upon your sanctified skin the glorious fabric of a true classic tea? If you know, you know, I'm a T shirt snob. There's very few things these days that I really give A shit about. And let me tell you, if I have the wrong kind of T shirt on, it's gonna ruin my day. I mean that. I need a perfect T shirt. I'm too old to fuck around. I don't have time for some low grade T shirt spit out of some anonymous factory by robots. No, I need a T shirt that feels like it is soaked up the Christ consciousness vibration that emanates from all things and has been here since before the beginning of time. And that, friends, is a true Classic T. They fit perfectly, they feel incredible and they make you happy. That is a self report. That's how I feel. Not only that, but True Classic Tea is run by the coolest people ever. I've said it. I will say it in every commercial. Grew up in Asheville. You all know what happened up there. There was a terrible flood. Had a conversation with the CEO of True Classic Tees. Obviously I'm not like, hey new sponsor, would you mind donating to the town I grew up in that just got got devastated by some insane hurricane related flood a few days later. One of the coolest texts ever. I'm not going to say how much. He didn't give me permission, but he donated an insane amount of money to Asheville just from one conversation. So not only are you getting incredible T shirts, but these T shirts are being produced by a living saint. At True Classic, the mission goes beyond fit and fabric. It's about helping guys show up with confidence and purpose. Their gear fits right, feels amazing, and is priced so guys everywhere can step into confidence without stepping out of their budget. But what really sets them apart? It's not just the fit or fabric. It's the intention behind everything they do. True Classic was built to make an impact. Whether it's helping men show up better in their daily lives, giving back to underserved communities. I can confirm that. Or making people laugh with ads that don't take themselves too seriously. This is a serious ad. They lead with purpose. I've been wearing True Classic for a while now. This is the stuff they want me to read. You heard what I said. I stake the Trussell podcast reputation on the perfection of these shirts. They're incredible. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to truclassic.com duncan and get hooked up today. Why don't you do trueclassic.com duncan instead of target or Costco though? It's fine if you want to do that. But it would be nice if the person buying ads on my podcast who again donated an Insane Sum of money to my hometown. Didn't feel like they were shoveling shit against the tide by sponsoring the show trueclassic.com duncan and get hooked up today. I'm like, all right, well, just hang on to. Hang on to the elderly lady's corpse. And they're like, maximum. We can hold onto that for three days. And then we gotta burn our ass. Cause they needed to make room.

[William Montgomery]

So you're able to do this in three days?

[Duncan Trussell]

No. So then, no, I didn't have a gentleman.

[William Montgomery]

So what do you do? Just give him some extra money or give him some burgers?

[Duncan Trussell]

I got a phone call, and they're like, good news. Good news. We just had a grandpa come in. Family can't afford the funeral.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Duncan Trussell]

And it's just. This is how, like, you know, this is. This is luck. I don't know. I don't want to just say it's luck. I want to say it's. It's prayer.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I have been praying hard, and the family couldn't afford to pay for the. The funeral. Call up Gina. I'm like, hey, what do you say we pitch in? She's like, we'll do. Burger king will do 10% of the funeral. I'm not paying a cent. Fucking more she got.

[William Montgomery]

Did you think that was kind of nice or not nice?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, that seemed ferocious until. But then you realize what a great business lady she is. Like, she read them like a book. And so. And they had the money, I guess, or whatever, and they took the deal. And boom, bam, bam. Got the. Got them. What you're not seeing there is people dressed in full green screen bodysuits.

[William Montgomery]

What are they doing?

[Duncan Trussell]

They're the ones standing behind them, like, holding up their bodies and puppeteering them.

[William Montgomery]

I was wondering how that works.

[Duncan Trussell]

Puppeteering them.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

And what's incredible is, like, the CGI here on the burger bun. If I showed you the original footage, you would see footprints behind them of the people puppeteering their bodies.

[William Montgomery]

So anyway, yeah, we did a great job.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you so much.

[William Montgomery]

It looks like they're an old couple who's for sure still alive and dancing. I promise you, they're dead.

[Duncan Trussell]

They were not smelling good.

[William Montgomery]

That's so strange. Burger King specifically asked for it, but that's just what they do. I've heard they do weird stuff, but it's so weird. They specifically asked for. They need two old dead people in.

[Duncan Trussell]

The morning on a hot dog. On a hamburger bun. Sorry. On a hamburger bun in the morning. And it was a hot day. And let Me tell you, once you pull them out of those ice caskets, you know, I thought we'd get at least like three hours of, like, you know, time before you would. The body would start to degrade, but.

[William Montgomery]

Would they just start smelling?

[Duncan Trussell]

Like both of her ears fell off.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, wow.

[Duncan Trussell]

So it just like. It was like meatloaf. It was like the consistency of her skin was like meatloaf. Like her ears were coming down her. That's the. You'll notice, like, the eyes. Her eyes seem kind of blurry. If you could see that. Like, we had to sew them shut because a. Oh, wow. Just all this weird gray purple fluid kept dripping on the bun. It was a. A nightmare. Two days.

[William Montgomery]

I was about to ask, were all the people working that day able to eat some pieces of that hamburger? But I guess you probably didn't want to eat that hamburger under the bun.

[Duncan Trussell]

Under the bun. The meat was fine.

[William Montgomery]

So y' all could still.

[Duncan Trussell]

Absolutely. It was totally fine. And we feasted when that shot was done. We. The bun was not like we. It was like a lot of CGI to cover up all the weird shit that ended up landing on that bunch of.

[William Montgomery]

So just kind of toss them off and then y' all can start.

[Duncan Trussell]

You want it? Okay, maybe I'm giving a little too much information here, but. So most of what you're seeing there are sesame seeds.

[William Montgomery]

Yep.

[Duncan Trussell]

But I wish I could show you on camera, but if you look to the very back of the hamburger, what looks like a sesame seed is the biggest maggot I have ever seen in my fucking life.

[William Montgomery]

Did that come out of one of these people?

[Duncan Trussell]

It came out. The older gentleman was, like, fresh, but it burrowed right out of her belly button. And right when we thought we had the shot. Right when we thought we had the shot, her shirt starts bubbling out. There's a. Just when you think things couldn't smell worse, there's just this stink.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I'm sure it stunk.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I'm like, God. God fucking damn it. I did lose my temper. Thank God everybody there understood. It's a new first time director. Lost my fucking temper. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? And then lift up her shirt and there's this fucking. Just giant maggot. And man, if you've ever seen grave maggots versus regular maggots, I have sentient, like, aware, like, look me right in the the fucking eye and hissed at me. And dude, I am all for. I probably shouldn't say this. Cut this, Josh. I fucking karate chopped that fucking Thing Found out later that goes against SAG rules. Even with insects, you can't do that. But I karate chopped that thing in half. Killed it on the spot. And I'm like, use it as a sesame seed.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. That's really. That's what you tell. That's what you said.

[Duncan Trussell]

I was like, let's use it as a sesame seed.

[William Montgomery]

When did people start laughing? Gotta. Or kind of scared.

[Duncan Trussell]

It is the. There was like a few people who laughed. The. The Burger King reps, they didn't laugh the whole shoot. They were this weird ass Burger King corporate robe thing and they just kind of. They call them the Watchers and they didn't laugh at all. But, you know, honestly, we were so exhausted by then. I don't like. And I, you know, I was kind of.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. Y' all don't want to. It sounds like the Watchers needed to eat a couple Whoppers and then maybe they would have felt a little better because you always feel better. It's like a sticker.

[Duncan Trussell]

Say that again.

[William Montgomery]

I think the Watchers maybe needed to have some Whoppers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Say it one more time.

[William Montgomery]

I think the Watchers maybe needed to have a couple Whoppers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now sing it like the Burger King song. The Watchers need to. Can you sing the Burger King song?

[William Montgomery]

Bk, have it your way.

[Duncan Trussell]

You roll.

[William Montgomery]

You roll. I forget that part. How do I always forget that part?

[Duncan Trussell]

I will sing a line, then. You sing a line. Trust me, you're gonna be glad you did this.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

This hamburger looks so good.

[William Montgomery]

It is.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, sing the exact line. Don't fuck with me.

[William Montgomery]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? You're singing.

[Duncan Trussell]

If you want to do commercial work, you gotta do what the director says.

[William Montgomery]

Okay? Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

This hamburger looks so good.

[William Montgomery]

This hamburger looks so good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Want to eat it if I could.

[William Montgomery]

Want to eat it if I could.

[Duncan Trussell]

Two pieces of bread, cheese and meat.

[William Montgomery]

Two pieces of bread, cheese and meat.

[Duncan Trussell]

Put it in my mouth. I chew and eat.

[William Montgomery]

Put it in my mouth. I chew and eat.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bk, B, B, K, have it your way.

[William Montgomery]

Have it your way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, no. Sing the whole fucking thing. I'm sorry. The commercial director part of me is coming out.

[William Montgomery]

I'm sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes to the commercial actors. If you're nice to them, they'll walk all over you. So let's try it one more time, you stupid piece of shit. Okay, bk, have it your way.

[William Montgomery]

Bk, have it your way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you fucking act like you give it a about this job?

[William Montgomery]

Okay, let me try it again. Do it again.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're not just some Hollywood. Okay. Like, wandered into a commercial audition. Got lucky, you stupid pieces.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, do it again, and I'll try to do it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do this. What the is wrong with you? You do realize. Do it again, and I'll do it. Don't you raise your voice at me, dude. I'll. Please stop.

[William Montgomery]

What are you talking about? I'll do it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, BK have it your way, BK.

[William Montgomery]

Have it your way.

[Duncan Trussell]

You rule. You rule. See that? See how it worked? How it got you going? That was better.

[William Montgomery]

I like how you do it. That's probably why they've hired your freaking ass for a freaking Super Bowl.

[Duncan Trussell]

From Gina. She taught me that. She's like, if they're not crying, they're sucking. So, like, every single person in this commercial, obviously, except for the corpses. I have got them to cry.

[William Montgomery]

You were doing that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I verbally assaulted every single fucking person. And it's 100% true. In commercials, if you get the actor to cry before you do the shoot, it's incredible. And then afterwards, you're like, you did a good job.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Eat some of this big burger.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, listen, William, do you. I guess we should wrap it up, but do you have any. You know, actually, I'm gonna ask you this question, then we can take a few questions from people watching. Do you have any tips for, like, how to stay safe and cool during any of the parades that are happening nationwide right now? And do you have any recommendations of the best parades to go to?

[William Montgomery]

What you're gonna be wearing at these parades to really make it worth your while? Bring a backpack. Have food, have water. You want to wear a big hat. That helps with the sun. Somebody like me that gets sunburned. You got to be careful with that. Bring some sunscreen and bring some fun. Bring some energy. Bring some friends. That's what it's all about. Once you can connect into a good group of people, get everybody together. Wear a mask. That's another thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Then it's harder for people to tell who you are, which sounds a little counterintuitive. It's like, oh, well, people need to see that it's you having fun out there. Well, people are having so much fun, and so many people would just wear a freaking mask. Something over your face. Yes. And people are getting sick. So sick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So wear a mask. Wear some sort of face covering. That's really going to help out.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Bring some boots. Bring some steel toe boots.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, wow. Now that's interesting.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Bring some.

[Duncan Trussell]

Just because people step on each other's.

[William Montgomery]

Toes, I'm guessing people step on toes. You need to have something where your toes aren't going to get smushed because I swear to you, the last thing you want is to get to one of these parades and your big toe or whatever. Toe or whatever gets smushed right at the very beginning because that's all you're going to be thinking about is how much your toe hurts versus how much fun everybody is having.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now there's so many great flags at these parades that I kind of feel like I'm gonna like freeze up if it comes down to choosing which flag to fly. Now I know the upside on American flag is it's an ecstasy dealer.

[William Montgomery]

Ecstasy. And it's also last year. I don't necessarily love that one. What a lot of people I have been around recently, they've been using, I think it's called a Jolly Roger. It's just that pirate looking flag. That's a fun one.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's cool.

[William Montgomery]

That bring. It brings the noise, you know, if you see some of those flags get by those people, they're having a good time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now I'm also seeing like some Palestinian flags, which is cool. They love Vanilla Ice out there. I'm seeing some Mexican flags. Are there any other flags? Like, what do you think? If you want to like, really, like, I don't know, kind of seem like super hip. What flag would you recommend?

[William Montgomery]

Crane all the way. Right now, Ukraine. That's a huge one. And it's pretty colors. It's a blue and a yellow, which are two colors. I like those two colors together. So that's cool. But yeah, that's a good one this year. Last year maybe it's probably something different this year.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ukraine.

[William Montgomery]

Ukraine flag.

[Duncan Trussell]

And what about. Is it or any. Is anyone doing combo? So on one side, Ukraine one side, Palestine, one side, upside down American flag, the other, the side, the pride flag, one side red, Communism, the other side, Jolly Roger. Is anyone doing a. Is that a thing?

[William Montgomery]

Yes. And it started out, I think with my neighbor, but I would never tell my neighbor. But it's a flag where one side is the Ukrainian, the other side is the upside down American. So that's kind of a fun. Kind of easy. It's fun and easy.

[Duncan Trussell]

What about a quilt of flags?

[William Montgomery]

You could do that, but you got to, you got to be careful. There's so many people walking around. You got a big old flag, you got a big old quilt. People are going to be stepping on it. It's going to be ripping.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now. I, I know. And this is, I Totally get it. You find out your American flag has Covid on it. Is it true the only way to get rid of the COVID is to burn the flag?

[William Montgomery]

You can do that. You can also put it in. That's probably the fastest way. If you have some time on your hands. Put it in the dryer on the highest heat.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ah.

[William Montgomery]

And that can do it for 30 minutes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, that's cool.

[William Montgomery]

So you can either burn it or go back home.

[Duncan Trussell]

If you don't go back, there's no fucking way I'm leaving a fun parade to go back home to fucking dry my Covid flag.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. My gosh. Well, yeah. If you're really worried about that and you got maybe some old people or sick people that you're living with or what have you. Yeah, just get it done with there.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, great. Well, thank you so much, William. We're going to take a few questions. Anybody have any questions out there for William Montgomery? It doesn't just have to be about these parades. Yeah, it could be about anything. What's going on you guys? And I've got to say the names of my dear supporters here. Jesus Christ. Let me say those names while questions come through. Let's scroll back a little bit. Jesus. You guys. What are you doing here?

[William Montgomery]

Starts right here.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. But it doesn't say their names.

[William Montgomery]

B.

[Duncan Trussell]

B. 10 Bucks. I feel weird self promoting but I want to share my art only fans. Pirate feet. Check me out. Scroll sessions. If this. Sorry. B. Go read B. B is that. I'm sorry. That was a bad joke. What a dick. I create absurd often up collages. Weird Al energy with magazine images. Sorry for ig. Where it's commented below. B is commented below. I will go to the air fryer soon. Go back up. Let me keep scroll sessions. That's great. If the 10 is flapping don't come a yapping.

[William Montgomery]

Love it. That's a good one.

[Duncan Trussell]

Inquisitor Godflower. Can't wait to hear you speak with Ashton Forbes. Didn't we talk about that before? You're always plugging Ashton. Matt. Thank you. Matt. Matt970 are you certified to like vanilla? I. Okay. Self banned. Five minutes. Don't do Vanilla Ice jokes on me. Are you serious?

[William Montgomery]

Is that what that is for? Matt970 yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ban. Matt.

[William Montgomery]

Matt. If you didn't see what happened to Duncan there. He wasn't fucking around. I wasn't fucking around. I got hit in the face last night with something. If you haven't seen that. I was literally on a operating chair earlier today.

[Duncan Trussell]

You Fucking serious, you fucking asshole. Five minute self ban. William, can you name 20 plants.

[William Montgomery]

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[Duncan Trussell]

Your agent.

[William Montgomery]

I'm already racing. Your turn play for [e-mail]. let's Chumba. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply. No. What's another one?

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, can you name ten plants?

[William Montgomery]

Okay. Monstera cactus. We're gonna do that.

[Duncan Trussell]

That.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe a lily, a rose.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

A lavender flower. Or lavender. A winter green. So we're at six. Or wait, not a winter green. That's not a tobacco. Winter green plant.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let's winter.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, so What? I'm at 6. Magnolia tree. Wait, that's different than a plant.

[Duncan Trussell]

Trees are plants.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, trees are plants. Well, let's do oak tree. What else? We got two more.

[Duncan Trussell]

Fern.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, fern. That's big in the Pacific Northwest, I think. And then how about carrot?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. You will not believe the text that just came in. I knew it was gonna happen. I knew this was gonna happen.

[William Montgomery]

And I was at nine. What is it?

[Duncan Trussell]

Hi, Duncan, it's Gina from Burger King.

[William Montgomery]

Bullshit. Gina's texting me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Really enjoying your live stream. I just wanna say, William is hibiscus adorable. He has the perfect voice for the next Burger King commercial. And I would really love for William to be part of our new Burger King campaign. Bow to the king. Could you please connect us?

[William Montgomery]

And that show biz, that's wonderful news.

[Duncan Trussell]

That show biz, that's Wonderful. That's how it works right there. I knew she'd be watching. That's why I'm sorry I was a little hard on you. I knew she'd be watching. I knew that would happen. I got goosebumps right now. Oh my God. Thank you.

[William Montgomery]

This is actually really good news.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I hope she lets me direct it too. We will have so much fucking fun.

[William Montgomery]

Oh my gosh.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you know what they want to do?

[William Montgomery]

Huh?

[Duncan Trussell]

The moon.

[William Montgomery]

Oh my gosh.

[Duncan Trussell]

The first commercial shot on the fucking moon.

[William Montgomery]

Cool. Well, I'm down.

[Duncan Trussell]

My God. A lot of corpses they want to use on it. That's the only part that's weird. But this one's like 10 maybe. We'll talk about that later.

[William Montgomery]

Freezers.

[Duncan Trussell]

And are there any more suit? Oh, Mr. Beast taunted me by going to the pyramids. This is true. Right after I said I was to going gonna Operation Beast Blast. I'm not gonna go into. We don't have time. I'm sure William has to go, but. Yeah, I. Don't worry. Don't worry. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. That's all I'm gonna say. We military Bros. Wants to know, are you ever gonna stop?

[William Montgomery]

I've been thinking about it, but I'll probably never stop.

[Duncan Trussell]

Never gonna stop. Heard it from the source right here. William, if you stop disappearing homeless people, yet you're something. Your dear family. We are praying for your soul. So yeah, let's talk about that a little bit. You know.

[William Montgomery]

Did you see that on the news the other day? Didn't they find another body?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yep. Well, that's the answer to that one. Okay, got it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Any more questions for William Williams Montgomery's? Do you Williams, say Mike Tyson or Mike Dyson.

[William Montgomery]

Mike Dyson. Because it's kind of funny. Because you're bringing up the. You're bringing up the company that makes the good products.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dyson is incredible.

[William Montgomery]

Dyson.

[Duncan Trussell]

I love that.

[William Montgomery]

Not the boxer. So it's kind of funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Like instead of Mike Tyson, the boxer. Mike Dyson.

[William Montgomery]

And then people are like, wait, are you talking about the company or the boxer? So it's like funny. It gets people thinking.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's cool. I love that kind of comedy because it does get you thinking.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. And then you think. And then you might laugh a little.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bit after you think, you know. Do you think Mike Tyson uses a Dyson?

[William Montgomery]

He easily could. Maybe one of those fans that. It's like, how is that fan even working? Have you ever seen those fans that they Have. There's not like a blade. There's not something spinning. It's just like a circle. An An.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't even. I don't even want to know because I'm pretty sure that that is not like.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I don't understand.

[Duncan Trussell]

How I do know this about Dyson, not Tyson, is that Dyson used to work in some, like, darpa, and, like, before he started working with the vacuum technology, I know that he was apparently involved in some kind of, like, he. You know, deep, like, military grade sort of. Let's just say apparently he had something to do. Like, they had him reverse engineer some shit. I'm just gonna leave it. I can't say where I got that from, but I'm pretty sure that any Dyson product is not human technology. I'll just. I'm just gonna leave that there.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. If you've ever seen the movie Predator, we'll leave it at that.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm just gonna leave that there.

[William Montgomery]

There.

[Duncan Trussell]

If you've ever. If you've ever seen Close Encounters of Third Kind, let's just leave it at that.

[William Montgomery]

We'll leave it there.

[Duncan Trussell]

Any more questions for William?

[William Montgomery]

This one right here. Why did you sell out to Hannah?

[Duncan Trussell]

If you've ever seen the Mortal Kombat movie, I should have mentioned that, too. I'll leave it that, too. William, why'd you sell out to Hannah Montana?

[William Montgomery]

It was something I didn't. I wasn't wanting to do, but it was something that was kind of forced upon me. I was kind of living outside of my means at the time. And then I get some deal or whatever with Hannah and one thing leads to the other. She wants to strike up a deal. I don't necessarily want to strike up the deal because I don't have a lawyer to look over everything, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can we just pull up a picture of Hannah Montana? Let's actually go to her Wikipedia.

[William Montgomery]

Let's.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let's not just be lowbrow here.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, she's wearing those glasses, actually, when we talk Wikipedia.

[Duncan Trussell]

Please. Hannah Montana is an American teen sitcom created by Michael Poirier's Rich Corell and Barry o' Brien that aired on the Disney Channel. The series centers on Miley Stewart, played by Miley Cyrus.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, and all this went down in 2010. So that was towards the end of. Towards the end of her run on Disney.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you kind of made a deal with the devil there, huh?

[William Montgomery]

Pretty much. And I regret it some. Sometimes I regret it, but, yeah. It was 2010. I was living outside of my means. I needed something to Happen and Hannah comes around or whatever, and then we just start talking, and then it's like, okay, do you want me to be a part of this whole Disney thing you're doing? And then it sounded like she did want me to be a part of it, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, I am a huge fan of method acting. I love Daniel Day Lewis. He is incredible. My left Foot, There Will Be blood. Also, Jared Leto, you know, when he gets into a character, like when he got into the Joker character, he would send used condoms to the cast members because, you know, he's like, becoming the Joker. I don't want to say the Joker's name. I don't like saying that name. But is it. Miley Cyrus is a method actor, too, and so Cyrus apparently would spend years not letting anyone call her anything other than Hannah Montana. Is that true? And is that. So it's literally Hannah Montana came to you?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, no, it's Hannah Montana in my phone.

[Duncan Trussell]

And let me. And so, like, when you. Is it like. I've heard that it's like shape shifting when you see Cyrus turn into Montana. Like, it's like watching.

[William Montgomery]

It's weird. It's pretty. Pretty out there. It's pretty out there. Her dad used to love to watch, but now the dad's not doing good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why?

[William Montgomery]

I think a drug and alcohol kind of thing. Thing. Yeah, I think it's really sad right now.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's it like, those parties? Because I've heard crazy about what those parties used to be like. If you don't. If you don't have to say it if you don't want to, but. Okay, I gotcha. Yeah, not really today, but it's kind of like, you know, I don't know. You didn't get filmed or anything?

[William Montgomery]

No, no, no. As far as I know. I mean, there were camera. They had cameras and stuffed animals. Did nanny cams everywhere. So there's no guarantee. That's why I don't even want to talk.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

There could be videos of me out there right now. Seriously. There were nanny cams everywhere in Hannah's place.

[Duncan Trussell]

I got you.

[William Montgomery]

And then I still would go over there because I was drinking a bunch of Bud Lights at the time. Bud Ices, what have you. Budweiser.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bud Ice? Hell, no.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, I'd go over there.

[Duncan Trussell]

I cannot believe you were doing butt eyes.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, it was horrible. I go over there one time on July 4, and Hannah opens up the door. Whatever. I'm with some buddies. There's people over there. I have a 24 ounce Coors banquet Right when I open up the door. Right when the doors open.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's Hollywood.

[William Montgomery]

I see Hannah. Oh, yeah. I open up the beer. It slips out of my hand somehow. Immediately hits the ground, starts spraying everywhere.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

She comes running up saying, oh, my God, this is my new place. Literally slips in the beer and I'm just like, okay, I can show myself out now. And like, people laugh or whatever. But it was. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Something else. O, man, it's just those banquets, man. Oh, yeah. Slippery.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah. Getting out of the paper bag. It was like my gift to myself. And then it slips out of my hand.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's why the dude from Bud Light's in jail right now. Cuz they made them intentionally slippery because he realized that if like, you know, he just needs people to drop like 2% of the banquets and that translates into like a billion dollars.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, that's what they said.

[Duncan Trussell]

So up you. So up. People were wearing the sticky gloves to hold on to the banquets.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, William, it has been a delight. Are you headed to a parade now or what's your plan for the rest of the day?

[William Montgomery]

Okay. Might look up what's going down in St. Louis soon because I love it. I again, I just love those parades. Love to eat some barbecue there. Love the parade.

[Duncan Trussell]

You going to do the puzzle at the parade or you go home to do the puzzle?

[William Montgomery]

I'll do the puzzle at home. I'm not doing. I'm not in a puzzle mindset when I'm at these parades.

[Duncan Trussell]

I got. I get it. It takes a lot of focus to do a puzzle.

[William Montgomery]

It does. It takes a ton of focus.

[Duncan Trussell]

Got any shows coming up?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, New York City. Not this weekend, but next weekend.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jesus.

[William Montgomery]

Gotta start selling some tickets or they're saying I'm not going. And I haven't even bought a plane ticket yet.

[Duncan Trussell]

Where is it?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, God, I should know. Can you Google City Winery?

[Duncan Trussell]

Ah, City Winery. William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Next week. Yeah, New York City.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, next week. New York City.

[William Montgomery]

So Manhattan.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is crazy, dude.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Who would have ever guessed they.

[Duncan Trussell]

That city, it's just massive.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. And at Philip Seymour Hoffman's place, where he died, I think is close to.

[Duncan Trussell]

He died at the City Winery?

[William Montgomery]

No, but I think his place was kind of close. I looked it up one time and I walked past it one time. But this time I want to take a picture.

[Duncan Trussell]

Geez, man, that's gonna be weird. Performing.

[William Montgomery]

I know. Well, it kind of. Yeah. Gives me a weird, spooky kind of mindset.

[Duncan Trussell]

Damn. What are you gonna do? If you look out in the audience and there he is.

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. It's been happening recently. I've been seeing people who I've thought have been in my life before. When I was in Cleveland, there was this guy named Jubal Davis who I was convinced was the guy who fired me from my. My job at the bicycle shop in Denver. And then a guy named Todd Tickner was sitting in the front row. I thought it wasn't either one of these people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, that's just gang stalking, okay?

[William Montgomery]

Gangstalking.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's just like. That's a thing that, like, the Deep State does to people like you. They just, like, go through all your shit, find out people you knew, they dress up like them, and then watch your show. And then when you come up and you're like, are you Jubal? They're like, huh.

[William Montgomery]

It's weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that'll happen to you until, like, you either go crazy or. What do I the it is they want you to do?

[William Montgomery]

I know it ends.

[Duncan Trussell]

Just do what they want you to do. It's not that bad. And then it ends.

[William Montgomery]

I'll figure it out.

[Duncan Trussell]

Black eye.

[William Montgomery]

You and I got one. And it's going to get worse. That's what the doctor said today.

[Duncan Trussell]

No big deal. Well, just do what they say. Thank you guys so much for watching. We will be back around the same time next week. Please go see William Montgomery in New York. Rest in peace, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Stay safe at the parade. God loves you. I love Vanilla Ice. And remember that you are filled with so much light and so much joy and love, and God wants you to be happy and drive all blames into oneself. Thank you to our super fans, donators, Kat Chong, Fucks with dogs, Lady Carson, Mr. Brightside, OOL 496, and the Iron Blade. We'll see you next week. Until then, Hare Krishna. That was William Montgomery, everybody. Let's all pray for him. I know he, after my episode, went to another parade, and I think the running smoke, like, I think he got hit by, like, a can of running smoke smoke. So let's just send him our thoughts and prayers because I think he's going to be okay. He's in the hospital. See you later.

[William Montgomery]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Dove ice cream bars, Chips Ahoy Cookies, Arrowhead bottled water, and Charmin bath tissue. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event. Long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Duncan Trussell]

Having MG can make cooking difficult, but over the years, I've found some really.

[William Montgomery]

Helpful tools and tips that I'm excited to share. Hi, I'm Alicia.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think cooking should always be fun, creative, and, of course, delicious. These Black Bean Burgers are hearty, full of flavor and MG friendly. You're gonna love them.

[William Montgomery]

Check out Alicia's Black Bean Burger cooking Video and other recipes full of tips and tricks for managing common MG symptoms while cooking only at mg-united.com Ready, let's cook Riley Herbst from 2311 Racing here, and you know what grinds my gears? Waiting for coffee. But instead of counting frappes and lattes, I fire up Chumba Casino. No apps, no fuss, just fun social casino games to pass the time. By the time my coffee's ready, I've already taken a few victory laps. Next time you're stuck waiting, make it entertaining. Play for [e-mail] let's Chumba Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group voidware prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.