701: Heated Hot Dog Buns

Summary

Podcast Summary: Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Episode 701: "Heated Hot Dog Buns"

Introduction

In Episode 701 of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour, host Duncan Trussell delves into a poignant and multifaceted conversation that intertwines personal anecdotes, societal observations, and speculative discussions. The episode, titled "Heated Hot Dog Buns," unpacks themes of love, community, media influence, and conspiracy theories, all framed within Duncan's characteristic blend of humor and depth.

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1. Ozzy Osbourne's "Heated Hot Dog Buns" Story

[00:17] The episode opens with a recitation of a song by Ozzy Osbourne titled "Heated Hot Dog Buns," which narrates a heartfelt story of a proposal amidst personal struggle:

"I know that you're from uptown and you're used to expensive things Said the hot dog vendor as he dropped down to one knee..."
— Ozzy Osbourne [00:17]

[02:04] Duncan Trussell: Duncan expresses profound admiration for Ozzy's lesser-known folk work, highlighting the song's emotional depth:

"It's crazy that, like, most people know Ozzy Osbourne from, like, the rock and roll stuff, but they've never heard his folk..."
— Duncan Trussell [02:04]

He further elaborates on the story behind the song, revealing it as a narrative about Ozzy's father, who proposed to his wife with a heated hot dog bun amidst battling dementia. This act of love inspired the community to honor his memory by covering his grave with hot dog buns. However, this gesture inadvertently led to issues with rats infesting the cemetery.

[05:12] Duncan Trussell: Discussing the unintended consequences, Duncan laments how community-driven acts of love can be overshadowed by negative outcomes:

"We don't have to pull it up. But the day that Ozzie, yesterday, if you go and look at his dad's grave, it's just covered in hot dog buns. I'm gonna cry because people just... it's like, aiden, just love Ozzy..."
— Duncan Trussell [05:12]

He emphasizes the importance of recognizing the beauty in such community actions despite the challenges they may face.

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2. Reflection on Community and Perception of Beauty

Duncan muses on the societal tendency to focus on negative aspects:

"But if we get to a place in our society where we do not acknowledge community driven acts of love, like covering a grave with hot dog buns, then what have we become as people?"
— Duncan Trussell [05:12]

He contrasts the initial heartfelt gesture with the subsequent rat problem, questioning societal priorities and encouraging listeners to find beauty amid imperfections.

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3. The Cat Handling Show Parody

[09:22] Josh: The conversation shifts to a humorous take on a TV show akin to Cesar Millan but for cats, leading Duncan to deliver a satirical critique:

"But this guy would have to say things during episodes to these people. Like, you know, cats don't like being in hammocks, right? Maybe if you stop putting the cat in the hammock..."
— Duncan Trussell [09:13]

Duncan playfully insults "cat people," exaggerating the quirks of cat ownership and the challenges of managing feline behaviors, all while maintaining a comedic tone.

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4. Media Distraction and Conspiracy Theories

The discussion takes a darker turn as Duncan and Josh delve into conspiracy theories surrounding Jeffrey Epstein and a supposed incident involving a CEO at a Coldplay concert:

Cheating CEO at Coldplay Concert:

"I want to take down Mr. Beast. My kid has become so obsessed. If I could get rid of this plague, not only will it be good for my children, it'll be good for the world."
— Duncan Trussell [30:30]

Duncan speculates about a CEO caught on a "kiss cam" with his mistress during a Coldplay concert, lamenting the media's disregard:

"That's why they took out Colbert, because he was not afraid to make jokes about that cheating CEO. That was funny. And they were funny. So they took him out."
— Duncan Trussell [37:21]

Jeffrey Epstein's Conspiracy:

Duncan passionately rants about the alleged suppression of information related to Jeffrey Epstein, expressing frustration over societal denial and media negligence:

"It appears that the President of the United States was verifiably really close friends with somebody who was a child trafficker..."
— Duncan Trussell [39:20]

He urges listeners to scrutinize media narratives and advocate for transparency, intertwining conspiracy theories with genuine concerns about political accountability.

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5. Philosophical and Religious Discussions

Interspersed with the more contentious topics, Duncan explores philosophical questions about interdependency and the nature of divinity:

[66:27] Duncan Trussell: Addressing a listener's question on spirituality, Duncan delves into Buddhist concepts of interdependency:

"Awareness minus external phenomena is nothing, and external phenomena minus awareness is nothing because there's nothing that could be aware of it."
— Duncan Trussell [66:27]

He contrasts these ideas with theistic perspectives, pondering the immutability of God and the fluidity of existence, thereby blending Eastern philosophy with Western religious thought.

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6. Personal Anecdotes and Lifestyle Changes

Duncan and Josh share personal stories, reflecting on how parenthood has transformed them:

Duncan:

"I used to hate being around people. Super recluse Josh. Like, like, happy to just not see anyone for days..."
— Duncan Trussell [80:48]

He speaks candidly about overcoming previous reclusiveness through the responsibilities and joys of fatherhood, illustrating personal growth and adaptability.

Josh:

"Before children, I was allergic to shellfish. And then after children, I'm still allergic to shellfish, but I don't. I still eat shellfish."
— Josh [83:17]

Josh humorously acknowledges his own changes, highlighting how parenthood influences personal choices and behaviors.

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7. Listener Interaction and Community Engagement

Throughout the episode, Duncan and Josh engage with their audience via super chats, addressing questions and comments that range from philosophical inquiries to humorous observations. This interaction fosters a sense of community and inclusivity, allowing listeners to feel directly involved in the conversation.

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8. Closing Reflections

As the episode concludes, Duncan reiterates the importance of focusing on meaningful narratives over distracting media stories:

"If you can't find a place that isn't talking about this. I guarantee if you go to any news station that is only talking about the cheating CEO, they're compromised."
— Duncan Trussell [56:22]

He emphasizes staying true to one's values and encourages listeners to prioritize authentic, impactful information over elusive conspiracies.

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Conclusion

Episode 701 of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour offers a rich tapestry of discussions that navigate through personal stories, societal critiques, and speculative theories. Duncan's ability to intertwine humor with serious contemplation creates an engaging narrative that challenges listeners to rethink their perceptions of love, community, and the information landscape. Through heartfelt storytelling and candid exchanges, the episode underscores the complexities of modern life and the importance of maintaining integrity amidst chaos.

Notable Quotes:

• Ozzy Osbourne's Story:

  "There's more to life than just having fun so upon her finger he placed a hot dog bun A heated hot dog bun..."
  — Ozzy Osbourne [00:17]

• Duncan on Community Acts:

  "If all we see are the rats and yeah, okay, some of the rats apparently have bubonic plague."
  — Duncan Trussell [05:12]

• Duncan on Media Suppression:

  "What do you enjoy about grocery lists?"
  — Duncan Trussell [33:05]

• Duncan on Interdependency:

  "You're part of the fabric of the divine."
  — Duncan Trussell [76:46]

• Duncan on Personal Change:

  "Because you're the one choosing from moment to moment, how to be that's terrifying to people."
  — Duncan Trussell [80:46]

This episode encapsulates the essence of Duncan Trussell's contemplative and often unorthodox approach to discussing life's intricacies, making it a memorable addition to the Family Hour series.

Transcript

[Ozzy Osbourne]

I know that you're from uptown and you're used to expensive things Said the hot dog vendor as he dropped down to one knee Baby, she said as she stretched out her hand there's more to life than just having fun so upon her finger he placed a hot dog bun A heated hot dog bun A heated hot dog bun 30 years later, 24th of December he looks at her like a stranger Just can't remember until I. In his hand she places a hot dog A heated hot dog Heated hot dog bun his eyes lit up like a dying sun he said, I remember you're my wife. We had two daughters.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, God, man, that song, it just. Every time, it chokes me up, man. It's so beautiful. You know, the. The. Sorry. It's crazy that, like, most people know Ozzy Osbourne from, like, the rock and roll stuff, but they've never heard his folk and. Yeah, and that's sad to me because it's like, yeah, look, who doesn't love, like, you know, the Prince of Darkness and all that? That's one Persona. But the heated hot dog bun is really incredible. He actually optioned that entire story for a movie. And then the Notebook came out, which is basically a ripoff of that whole story. But, yeah, it's his story of, I guess his father had dementia and had been a hot dog vendor and proposed to his mom. They didn't have money, so he put a hot dog bun on her finger, slid it on her finger, and. Yeah. And then he, you know, gradually lost memory until he didn't remember her at all. And then she apparently, like, put a hot dog bun on his finger. And he remembered right away that. And he's like. It was this beautiful moment, and then he died. And, like, supposedly Ozzy's mom, like, until her death, would leave a heated hot dog bun on his dad's grave site. Testament to love and beauty. And, you know, at first people would eat those buns, and then when people found out what was going on, they left them. So that's a beautiful picture. We don't have to pull it up. But the day that Ozzie, yesterday, if you go and look at his dad's grave, it's just covered in hot dog buns. I'm gonna cry because people just. It's like, aiden, just love Ozzy because without his dad, we wouldn't have had. And they let, like, there's hundreds of hot dog buns on that grave. There's a pile of hot dog buns. And, like, yeah, there were, like, then rats, I guess. And that's the thing, man. I guess that's why I wanted to start off with this, is because, like everybody, they can't see the beauty of what happened there. A community of people came together, heated hot dog buns. You could tell from looking at them. I couldn't tell from a picture if a hot dog bun is hot or not heated.

[Josh]

It's toasty.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. And so they took the time to heat them up until someone apparently came realizing, like, people were getting there with cold hot dog buns and feeling bad about it. So a hot dog vendor actually came with a hot dog bun warmer and started warming it for everybody. And just a mountain of hot dog buns. Like, it got onto other people's graves. It was beautiful. But now people, instead of looking at this as this incredible act of love, romance, beauty, testament, tribute to the prince of darkness, now they're bitching because apparently the graveyard is full of rats. And I didn't even know rats were into hot dog buns. I mean, I guess it makes sense. They'll fucking eat anything. But apparently now the whole graveyard is filled with a mass of writhing rats. It's being described as a carpet of rats. And all these assholes who just on the Internet can't be happy about anything. People who live near the cemetery are saying their children are being attacked by these rats. And it's like, yo, okay, I'm sorry, Like, maybe don't walk your kids through a fucking rat filled cemetery and that won't happen. You know, I don't want to seem callous or anything like that, but if we get to a place in our society where we do not acknowledge community driven acts of love, like covering a grave with hot dog buns, then what have we become as a people? Where have we gone? If all we see are the rats. If all we see are the rats and yeah, okay, some of the rats apparently have bubonic plague. Okay, yes. I'm not. Not addressing it. So I said it. So all the bitches on my subreddit who are gonna be like, he didn't mention that it spread the bubonic plague through the city. He didn't mention that it's a new form of bubonic plague. Okay? Yeah. And guess what? Chimpanzees will rip your fucking face off. But every time I show a video of chimpanzees, fucking, am I supposed to say, and they're dange, or do I let you enjoy the chimpanzees fucking. I'm sorry, I don't. I don't Want to start off on a negative note here, but if we don't, you know, when you see a sunset, you know, I guess you could look at that and say, it's about to be dark. Oh, no, I hate the dark. I'm scared. Or you could be like, it's beautiful. The sunset is beautiful. When you see a grave covered in hot dog buns, you'd be like, you know, that's probably like, aside from the fact that there's people who definitely could have used that for food, it's going to bring rats and blah, blah, blah, blah. You could do be the rat guy or you could be the hot dog bun guy. And I'm a hot dog bun guy, and I want you to invite you to be that too. Today, in memory of Ozzy Osbourne, I want you to see a grave covered in hot dog buns. Not the following wave of rats, which is really interesting because they don't, you know, I guess there's people who count rats in cities, rat counters. And the amount of rats in that cemetery and in the surrounding areas is exponentially more than the rats that they've counted in that city. The scientists. And so that is an interesting enigma, and they're calling it the Aussie rat enigma, because where do they come from? Are there hidden chambers of rats or. Some people are saying it opened up a dimensional rift or something, and that the rats are not even from here or from a parallel timeline, which is why the bubonic plague they have seems to be completely unique to our planet.

[Josh]

This is what happens a lot of times in the day of the dead. So in Mexican culture, we'll leave stuff for them, for the dead. And a lot of it is baked goods and there is rats. So then you just got to get cats in there. But then you have a cat problem, so it's. What do you want?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'd rather have a cat problem than a rat problem. Yeah, for sure, if you got to pick. Well, I don't know. You know, it depends on the cats, I guess. God, you know, I was watching this show. This isn't what I wanted to talk about today, but why not? There is a show about, like, so basically it's Cesar Millan, but for cats. And the guy goes to, like, basically lunatics homes, you know, with Cesar Millan, like, you know, I don't want to do the whole dog versus cat thing. It's caused wars and murders and stuff, but obviously dog people are infinitely better than cat people. I'm sure that statement will be embraced by my subreddit the cat people are, you know, usually experiencing the effects of toxoplasmosis. Cat people are, you know, in general, this isn't all the time, but in general, cat gotta refresh. Behold, my friends. I am wearing my favorite T shirt. And you know what it is A true Classic tee. But guess what? I didn't know I was doing an ad for True Classic today. I just happened to happily put this T shirt on. Not only is it a perfectly fitting T shirt, but this is the exact right feel a T shirt should have. Now, you might be some savage who has no nerves connected to your upper body. You might not care what your T shirts feel like. You might be some vestigial remnant of a dark past that you just pull it on. You just like it. But most people, especially people who have genius or close to genius IQs, have to have a T shirt that feels right. Because we all know that any separation between us and the rest of the universe is an illusion. We're all part of the same thing. We're all part of the fabric of the divine. Meaning it's your responsibility to make the tiny little part of that divine fabric feel good by wearing a true Classic tee. Now that you know you're part of God, are you really going to put some garbage T shirt on the flesh of the divine? No. Wrap your body temple in something that feels as though it was woven from the happiest dreams of all humanity on a loom of laughter. They did not ask me to say that. And I am sorry, Drew classic for saying, but I mean it. These are great. I love wearing. I can't. You don't understand. Like, wear like, you know, I don't know if you're even allowed to say this, but if I am somewhere on the spectrum, as they say, one place I land is I need to have something like this on my body. I don't need some rough old shitty shirt. Ruins my day. I would only wear these, like, if I could get away with it. If I wouldn't be judged for it, that's all I'd do. I'd have just True Classic T shirts in my closet and I'd wear them. I'd be buried in one, wrapped in one. Forget overpriced designer brands. Ditch the disposable fast fashion. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last and built to give back. And by that, they mean it. The CEO donated an insane amount of money to Asheville just after one conversation with me about Asheville and how I came from Asheville and how messed up. They got. So it's. This is real. I mean, a lot of times you might see an ad that says, we give. They actually, like, it was an insane amount of money. Like, insane. Thank you again for that. Here's the most important part. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or. And this is what you should do. Head to trueclassic.comduncan and get hooked up. Today, it's trueclassic.comduncan. duncan. I'm pretty sure that you guys would have to buy, I don't know, 30,000 T shirts just to make back the money he donated to Asheville. So could you do that, please? It's TrueClassic.com Duncan. Rat people, cat people, cat people, dog people, who gives a fuck? The main thing is this cat people are depraved, lunatics, sick. They have toxoplasmosis. They're being controlled by a parasite that has a symbiosis with cats. They don't understand it. They don't realize it. They've been manipulated by the cat. They are manipulated by the cat. The cat will eat them immediately. When they die. Even as they're dying, the cat will eat them. This dude, he goes and he tries to correct people's cats cat problems. Now the problem that people have is they have cats. That's the problem. The problem is they have fucking cats. The cats are pissing everywhere. The cats are mad. They're dressing the cats like, like kings. They marry the cats, they do cat weddings. This guy comes and, like, he fixes the fucking cat problems. And the way he fixes the cat problems isn't like Cesar Millan who would like hypnotize dogs. I don't know what the fuck he was doing. He was using Jedi mind tricks on dogs. He would just walk in and the dog would behave like he sprayed something on him or he was a shape shifter. I don't know. But this guy would have to say things during episodes to these people. Like, you know, cats don't like being in hammocks, right? Maybe if you stop putting the cat in the hammock, it would not act like it's acting because you've driven the cat insane. You know, cats, they don't like being in wedding dresses. Like, that's not supposed to happen. It's a cat. You don't put it in a tiny wedding dress. It's a cat. And the people are like, what the hell? See me can't stop putting. I can't stop putting my raspberry in a wedding dress. And it's wild. Cause it's just insane, people. Good show though. Check it out. It's really cool if you. Cause what are we at now, right when it comes to what we're going to watch on tv. And this is something you realize when you have kids. You must know this, Josh, you're with your kid and God help you if you have. I have one of these motherfuckers, a Samsung because Samsung they have their built in TV stations and it just starts on that and then sometimes it randomly just jumps to one of their shitty stations and it's all. It's like SWAT. You know, you're sitting there with a four year old, you want to get to Ms. Rachel. But before you can use the control to get to Ms. Rachel. It's like a, a SWAT situation. You've got snipers on a roof, you've got some dude in a diaper screaming, they took his kids away. And like you, it's too late. So I have you try to start yelling or singing baby shark to distract him. But then what you realize when you're flipping through a TV when you travel is all. If you have yet to breed or don't want to breed, just imagine you have a kid and flip through the channels and ask yourself if you would show it to a four year old. And it's just. I'm not saying inappropriate, I'm saying it's all death. It's all like grave robbers, you know, great. The grave robbing boys or sex, sex with animals. Should we rethink it? You know, it's just depraved sex with.

[Josh]

Animals on Samsung tv.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, I made that up. I didn't see that. But you know, it's that level of. It's mostly just different versions of Forensic Files. It's. You're gonna get coffin hunters or you know, some crazy person who runs a mortuary or you know, jizz bakers. Like, I'm just saying, like every examples I've given you, you can't show a kid or the news. You land on the fucking news and it's like can't show a kid the news right now. I'll tell you that much. You can't show the kid the news.

[Josh]

That cat guy that you were talking about?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Josh]

I stopped letting my kids watch that show because it turns out he had an island full of kittens and he was just letting people come and pet the kittens.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's wrong with that?

[Josh]

It just seems creepy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Kids love cats. What do you mean?

[Josh]

Oh, he's bringing. Oh, he's bringing politicians and like high.

[Duncan Trussell]

Level, like, calm them down.

[Josh]

To pet these cats.

[Duncan Trussell]

Calm them down.

[Josh]

It was like five kittens per.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you have against people petting fucking kittens, you weirdo? Like, I don't like cats. Wouldn't have them in my house. But it's like if they're. If I see a beautiful, like a kitten, they're sweet, they're fun, they get a laser pointer, they follow it around. What are you talking about? I don't understand what you're talking about.

[Josh]

Well, it's always kittens. There's never full grown cats there. So it makes me think what happens to the kids?

[Duncan Trussell]

Kittens are more fun than cats.

[Josh]

But what happens to the kittens?

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean? They grow up into cats.

[Josh]

But there's no cats on the island. It's just kittens on the island. Okay, all right, don't look into it then, all right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Don't look into what?

[Josh]

The kitten island.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm gonna look into it. I wanna go to Kitten Island.

[Josh]

You don't wanna go to Kitten Island?

[Duncan Trussell]

What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Are you telling me that if you had the opportunity to fly in a private plane, let's say I get my subscribers up, I could afford a private plane. And I say, josh, I'm gonna fly you on a private plane to my island of fucking kittens. You're gonna be like, no, that's weird, man. Where are the cats? I don't know. I don't know. I don't handle that part of the island and just like give me a bunch of kittens on there and fucking fly in some high level politicians to like, you know, chill out with the kittens. What the fuck, dude? It's not like they're kids now. There's kids on the island. You know, that's a whole different fucking thing.

[Josh]

Yeah, okay, yeah, I get your point.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, that would be fucked up. Like Kitten Island. I will happily assuming it's like easy to get to. I get seasick. So I don't know, maybe they have a runaway or something. But again, after just saying cat people are crazy, I'm gonna admit I would go to Kitten island. That being said, in some dystopian reality, which I guess you're cooking up in your own sick head, if there was an island, and on that island there's children and grown, an adult or even not adult, there's an island of children, that's Lord of the flies. But if there were adults going to the island and Hurting kids. What you're talking about. There is something that is so unspeakably horrible that if people found out that that was happening, if people found. Just saying. If we wrote a book about this and people found out that there was an island of children, that high ranking politicians, not just that, celebrities, maybe even, I don't know, it would never happen. But let's throw in presidents, former presidents of the United States, the greatest country on earth were going to that island. Like in the movie that we wrote, there would be an uprising. Like there would be no, no one would tolerate that. Like, I know there's a lot of things. We're all busy. There's all kinds of things that we're busy doing. Everyone's got their lives. Taking care of our own families, we're taking care of our own jobs, we're doing self care regimens. But I'm pretty sure that that movie's gonna have to be about like a revolution because people would not ignore that.

[Josh]

I think if somebody in a high level of power told us to forget about it and stop talking about it, I think we would.

[Duncan Trussell]

No one would do. But who would do that? I guess you could make it like in the movie. No one's gonna believe it. You could make it in the movie where, I mean, it seems a little obvious, but I guess you could make it where like, I don't know, a senator or something, the bad guy is like actively trying to like get people to stop talking about it, but. Because he was obviously implicated in some way. But it seems, it seems too obvious in a movie, you know what I mean? Like that's. Everyone's gonna know right away, dude. The guy's like trying to get people to stop talking about it. Cause he's been to the island or he's implicated in whatever the fuck this horrible thing is. So it wouldn't work. You gotta be more subtle in a movie. Not to like mansplain you or anything, but it's gotta be more subtle. Like. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I love Rosemary's Baby. Like, have you seen Rosemary's Baby? For real? You have not seen Rosemary's Baby?

[Josh]

No.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh my God, Josh, how did you miss that? As a Catholic, how did you miss Rosemary's Baby?

[Josh]

Cause I'm Catholic, I'm not supposed to see it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Did they really say that I wasn't.

[Josh]

Supposed to see the Exorcist and a bunch of other ones?

[Duncan Trussell]

The Catholics say you can't watch the.

[Josh]

Exorcist and Harry Potter.

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Josh]

Yeah, it's all the devil.

[Duncan Trussell]

But I mean, Rosemary's Baby isn't pro devil. It's not. Rosemary's Baby is like a movie about how it's great when your baby. It's great when you give birth to the Antichrist. It's like, that's not good. So why would the Catholics not like that? You don't speak for all Catholics.

[Josh]

No, I don't.

[Duncan Trussell]

But that's it. It's definitely influenced by Catholics. You know what, why don't you pull up? We might have to cut this, but for the livestream, pull up YouTube. Rosemary's Baby Boat scene. Now, for those of you who haven't seen Rosemary's Baby, which is sad if you haven't, this poor, poor, sweet lady has gotten sucked into an awful network of satanic. I guess you could argue child traffickers. And look up. Let me see if we can find the actual boat scene itself. Rosemary baby. It might not be there. It's so cool though, the boat scene. There you go. First dream sequence. Play that first dream sequence. So she's been drugged.

[Josh]

I'll have to mute it.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, you can just cut it out later if that's not too much.

[Josh]

But if it's on live, it'll. It might cut you.

[Duncan Trussell]

We'll just see. Go ahead, give it a shot.

[Josh]

All right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Maybe if I talk over it.

[Josh]

Maybe.

[Duncan Trussell]

She'S been drugged. She's been drugged. I think this is the scene where she's been drugged. Drugged. Don't just fall asleep. Oh, I'm about to get impregnated by the devil. Oh, my God. My wallpaper's co. Oh, my God. What the fuck is happening? What is that? That was my neighbor. She got murdered by some witches. There's a nun. He's holding a Bible. What? Wait. Okay, fuck it. Don't even show it. The restrictions of this medium are just so intense. It's great. But you know, Rosemary's Baby is sort of like the movie you're proposing in the sense that it implies that there is a. There's like a secret cabal of Satanists who are hurting kids and do evil things. But you don't believe that, do you?

[Josh]

I think there will be an uprising when the people find out about the tunnels and the underground cities full of children. That's when I think the uprising happens in the movie.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why are you adding that to our fucking movie idea? I don't want to tunnel children. You make your own fucking weird ass tunnel children movie sounds. You know what a tunnel full of children sounds like? Fucking like annoying is what it sounds like. Because they're all going to be doing echoes. You know what I mean? Like, you get a kid in any echoing place and all they do is start shrieking like, so a tunnel full of children is just a nightmare of like, look. Thank you very much, Gary Lee Haskins. Friends. Listen, I do feel like I need to say this because there are a lot of people who have a platform who are being conspicuously quiet about something that we all need to be talking about, which is that CEO caught kissing on the Kiss cam. Why aren't people talking about that if it's freaking me out? Because holy shit. For those of you who don't know about this and that you probably don't, because no one's talking about it. Coldplay. Picture this and get ready to get freaked out. Coldplay concert CEO cheating. He has his mistress there. This is a CEO, guys. This isn't just anybody. It's a CEO, you know, that's important. So he's important. CEO. Dude, you don't just get to be a CEO. You can't just say you're a CEO. Like, this guy is a CEO. Let me say it again. C E O. CEO. CEO. Okay, now he is the CEO of a tech company. I'd never heard of it before. It doesn't matter. He's a CEO now. He's at a co. He's at a Coldplay concert with, as I mentioned before, his mistress. Someone he's having an affair with his affair partner. That's what some people say these days. One of the worst statements ever invented, belched out by a demon in hell, floated up through some crevice into the earth. Somebody heard it at a cocktail party and started saying a fair partner because they wouldn't want to say side piece. Now, Kiss cam. Coldplay's got a fucking Kiss cam. Because we all love him. I mean, that's just more testament to how incredible Coldplay is, because they don't just put on a great show. You can see people at the concert kiss on a camera. I mean, I love it at a game. Who doesn't? Don't you love the Kiss cam? It's so fun to watch people kiss at a game. But, boy, Coldplay, this is why they're known as the most innovative, incredible band out there. Because they. Yeah, sure, fuck you, Pink Floyd and whatever. The wall and the things floating around. No, no, no. Coldplay knows what we want. We want to see people kissing at shows. Whenever I go to a concert, there's a part of me, it's like, man, I wish they had a kiss cam. Like who's kissing out there? CEO, Affair partner kiss cam. You do the math.

[Josh]

She was the head of hr.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you fucking kidding me?

[Josh]

And he appointed her the head of HR the year before.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh my God. I didn't know that.

[Josh]

Yep.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, now I'm stunned. A CEO. Holy shit. A CEO? The head of HR appointed two years prior. Coldplay concert. They got caught on a kiss cam CEO. When he saw you been caught, he kind of like dug down. Whoo. Baby. Woo, baby. Let me go through this again. Coldplay concert, the band, Coldplay Kiss Cam CEO, now head of hr. Add that to this fucking explosive mix of elements and yeah, yeah, busted. Coldplay, busted. And marriage no doubt destroyed. Steps down, as he should, and life's thrown into chaos. And somehow with this event that has happened, all of these boring ass normies are out there talking about the Epstein list. Like really? That's what you're going to think about? It's crazy to me and I know anyone watching this live stream is like definitely Mensa level genius, probably beyond. But it is insane to me that all of these politicians, and it's sad because we voted for this folks, that all these politicians and all of these like so called news anchors, they just keep talking about this fucking boring ass list. Have you. Let me ask you this. Do you like lists?

[Josh]

Some lists? I like grocery lists and like top 10 MBA dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

You like grocery lists?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're going to say that on camera?

[Josh]

Yeah, I enjoy it.

[Duncan Trussell]

So if I. What do you enjoy about grocery lists?

[Josh]

Reading them.

[Duncan Trussell]

You enjoy reading grocery lists?

[Josh]

Yeah. And then thinking about how. Because you have to do it in the order of like vegetables or on this side, but then you come around the frozen section, you do your grocery.

[Duncan Trussell]

Lists according to sections of the store.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's innovative.

[Josh]

Yeah, it makes it much sense.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's actually quite brilliant.

[Josh]

Thank you. Dude, I go over it before I go to the grocery store. How many steps I'm going to take?

[Duncan Trussell]

You do it by steps.

[Josh]

By steps. I've gone down to 896 steps and I'm out of HEB.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is incredible, man.

[Josh]

Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Huh. All right. So yeah. All right. I guess my claim that lists are boring, you just fucked it up. But you know, I have an open mind. I'm not like these people out here aren't willing to change when they hear true facts. But yeah, so some lists are interesting, I guess, you know, but many, most of the time lists are boring lists.

[Josh]

I hate them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. What? Liz, Flight log.

[Josh]

I Don't like flight log.

[Duncan Trussell]

Flight log lists. Just long lists of just anything at all. Like just lists of items like fork, spoon, hairbrush, blanket, comforter, pillow, shoes, shoelaces, eyebrows, eyebrow mites. Like it's boring. You know, there might be some interesting things on the list, but ultimately the list itself is boring. And you know, these days I think it is the job of the mainstream media to not be boring, to entertain us. And honest to God, man, like I'm not. I don't. I don't know what the Epstein list is like. You know, it just sounds like a list and it just is wild. Have our minds been rotted by the Internet that we literally. We have a literal CEO. It is a CE O on camera with his mistress at a fucking Coldplay concert. Stop the presses, man. Like this is all we should be talking about, thinking about reviewing the footage. Where are the parodies? You know, you would think people on late night TV or you know, people be doing cool fucking parodies of, of the. I don't want to say it. The Coldplay event. I'll call it the Coldplay event. Where are the parodies? The satire, the. This should just be constantly flashing in front of us over and over and over and over again. But God damn it, every time I go to any fucking website, Go to Drudge Report, just run through some fucking. My doom scrolling list. Drudge report dot com. What are you. Oh, who's there? I don't see this kiss cam CEO. I see Jeffrey Epstein, some shit about Trump. Okay, go to CNN.com. i mean, are you fucking kidding me? Well, there we go. That's a little better. Lisa doesn't mention that. You know, CNN's actually really good news. Idaho students killers sentenced to life in prison without parole. Yeah, Epstein. Fuck. God damn it. Okay, go to npr. I don't know, BBC. BBC. More about this fucking murderous dork Ozzy. There we go. You know, at least they're not talking about Epstein on the BBC. The 12 year old boy was shot in the Vietnam War. There we go. That's better. Macron's filed defamation suit against US Influencer Candace Owens. Yeah, yeah, there we go.

[Josh]

Why did he do that?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't. Look at this. I've been only focused on the CEO, but the. You know, here's the thing. Control alt dig says, why is the whole comedy circle so hell bent on hiding Epstein? Sus. Let me just answer that. No one's hell bent on hiding Epstein. It's that it's A little bit like this. You're at a fireworks show. Who doesn't love fireworks, right? And you've taken a picture and I take pictures of fireworks show. Whenever I go to see a fireworks show, my phone doesn't go down because I just love sharing pictures of fireworks with my friends. Don't you love it when someone sends you video of a firework show? Beautiful, beautiful. And so you filmed, I don't know, some interesting firework, but not the grand finale, right? And then, you know, we've got video of the grand finale and we're like, check this out. It's fucking incredible. What a finale. That's the Epstein CEO thing. It's like the CEO is monumental news. The Epstein thing is like some kind of political shit. Like. There we go. Release the Cole playlist. Spaceballs. Control out. Dig self ban. Five minutes. Here's the deal. Where is the cold playlist? I want to list everyone at that fucking concert. Everyone. I want a list of everyone. Their phone numbers, their addresses. Who are they? Were they even real fans? Like, I want to get weird here, but it could be that, like they were just robots because some of the footage I saw made me think they were robots at the Coldplay concert, which feeds into that thing where people say that Coldplay hasn't sold tickets for a long time and that they have a whole fleet of robots that they put in there. And that maybe the CEO and his affair partner were the only people, the only humans there. I don't know. Which is why they got on the kiss camp.

[Josh]

Well, yeah, that lady next to him just froze. She was just like in a weird smile, which is something a robot would do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you. Listen, I get it, Fred. Let's talk about this so called Epstein list now. I guess I gotta appeal to some paranoiacs out there to make the Internet happy. So I'll do it, if that's what you want. I'm gonna try to appeal to some paranoiacs out there. So I'm just gonna say what I guess a lot of you fucking chemtrail flat earthers might be saying right now, which is, it appears that the President of the United States. This is what you guys want to hear. So let me just say it and I'll tell you. Then I'm going to debunk it. And I'm sure that's going to make you mad. It appears that the President of the United States was verifiably really close friends with somebody who was a child trafficker who literally, like, I mean, that's what he was. I Mean, he was actually convicted of that and then somehow got off the hook and then they busted him again and sadly he unalived himself in a jail cell. Very sad. If you are feeling anything like that, there is an unalive hotline in every state. Call, you call it. Don't go to the state, you have to call it. Now, how many, how many human traffickers are you friends with, Josh? I know a few. But how many would you say, just off the top of your head?

[Josh]

I would call more like acquaintances. Not really.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you're friends with a few. I mean, listen, don't you have to answer? But most of us who isn't friends with someone who like, is involved in like high level trafficking of humans in some degree, like that's just normal. I mean, it's one of the number one industries on earth. So, okay, so many of you are claiming like, pull up. I don't know, I guess we'll feed into this shit. I wish we were just showing Coldplay CEO pull up. Trump at Epstein's wedding. Now here we see a wedding, as you can imagine. There's our president getting married, happy as could be. Oh, yeah, there you go. There's a, you know, you guys could see it. Yeah, okay, there's a picture of, of the President with Jeffrey Epstein, a notorious human trafficker who did have an island where apparently they were hurting children. I mean, not apparently, like there's another picture of him. It looks like they're at a party. They seem to be, seem to be like, well, very comfortable around each other, I would say. Oh, there's another picture of Trump with his friends in Epstein. And I mean, okay, there's another picture and there's another. Pull. What's the one down there? Trump and Epstein. Pull that one up. Ndtv. What is that?

[Josh]

Is this one real?

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, there's deep fakes everywhere, man. We don't know exactly. Thank you, Josh. Thank you. That's not real. That's not Trump in a human trafficker demon piece of shit. Not our President hanging out on a couch with some ladies. Fake news. I mean, look, the point is, when you're someone like Trump, you're in a lot of pictures. You don't know who you're with. You're just on the couch sitting next to some dude. There's people, they take a picture. Could be a deep fake. Many people are saying that. Deep fake, deep fake, deep fake. Fake news, fake news. So look, conspiracy folks out there, come on, we gotta get our heads together on this one because we gotta Shake off the. You're being irrational. Because right now, I guess if you, like, aren't someone with a rational mind, it would really be easy to start imagining in some very paranoid way that all the stuff people have been saying forever about there being an extra layer to society populated by super powerful people who ritualistically abuse children, that actually appears to be the case. That is true. And that, yeah, that whatever the fuck is in these documents is so damning, is so fucked up that it is worth obviously obscura, fading, whatever this is. Using any trick including. What was it they just did? Didn't they just release the MLK files? No, no. Releasing the MLK files and also letting the senators leave one day early for summer break. They get a summer break till September. Till September. So, you know, if you were a low level thinker, you would see all that and you'd be like, oh, my God. Like, they definitely know the fallout from doing this shit is gonna be extreme. So whatever the fuck is in there is real bad. Like bad, bad, bad, bad. And that is a low level. That's a low level. That's. Wouldn't you say that's shallow thinking? It's a nothing burger, folks. It is a nothing burger. Pull up that CEO, Josh.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Get that off my screen. Deep fake, fake news. Look at this, guys.

[Josh]

There you go, Andy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Byron, can you just show the video? I'm sure it's hard to find. They probably had to take it off the Internet. There we go. Definitely turn the sound off. Have you heard that more people now consume cannabis than alcohol? Maybe it's because there's no hangover. Whatever the reason, Cornbread Hemp just launched these incredible THC seltzers. This is perfect if you're somebody out there who you go out or you're having a party and you just reach for a beer or something. Here you go. Now you can reach for one of Kornbread Hemp's delicious THC seltzers. It's a low calorie drink with only 30 calories and 5 grams of sugar. Made with pure THC in all natural ingredients, no synthetics. Each can has 5 milligrams of THC. For me, that's the perfect amount. Oh, they want me to say that. Which is the perfect amount so you don't feel couch locked or paranoid. Perfect for unwinding. This is true. I didn't know that was on here. That is. That's. To me, that's the pleasure dose. Perfect for unwinding, kicking back and enjoying the moment without alcohol or a Hangover. Four delicious flavors to choose from. Blueberry Breeze, Peach Iced Tea, Raspberry Limeade and Salted Watermelon. Thank you for understanding we should salt our watermelons. I mean that. I grew up in the south. Right now, DTFH listeners can save 30% off their first order and enjoy free shipping on orders over 75 bucks. Head to cornbreadhemp.com dunkin' and use code dunkin at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com dunkIn code dunkin'. Cornbread Hemp. This is the good life. See, See that? See that?

[Josh]

See, she's frozen.

[Duncan Trussell]

And yeah, see that, that. That person just appeared out of nowhere. Watch closely. And you could see, like, the people around them don't seem to be human. Like, what? What was that? Who is that? That dude out of nowhere. Came out of nowhere. That fun dude. So, like, yeah, guys, like, what the fuck is going on? Why are they covering this up? Get that off my screen. Seriously, get that off my screen. I don't want to see that anymore. It's fake news, Josh. I'm going to start calling you fake News Josh. Fake news.

[Josh]

It's gonna stick, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Things fake news, Josh.

[Josh]

Folks, I heard Moloch was the one lobbying against having the Epstein files be.

[Duncan Trussell]

Moloch?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Senator Moloch.

[Josh]

Senator Moloch.

[Duncan Trussell]

Man, I gotta tell you, all the joking aside. What the. Seriously, what the fuck? Like, if you are wondering if you're on the bad timeline, baby, now, you know, I didn't. I don't want this patch to the simulator. It's not a patch I would want for the simulator. Like, are you serious? Like, of all the things, this is it. I mean, really, this is going to be our Watergate again. Only because I don't. Not because I have some sense of Trump not being depraved in some way, shape or form. We know that already. But where my mind gets so spun when it comes to this issue specifically because I know we live in a world where there's serial killers. I know we live in a world where to this very day there's slavery. I know we live in a world where there's classism, exploitation. I know we live in a world where politicians are more than likely mostly bought and sold by corporations. I know we live in a world where. Where information that doesn't fit whatever narrative the most powerful people want to put out there is actively suppressed or distorted. But. And I watch Ukrainian drone footage, so I know we live in a world where people will use a remote controlled drone to Blow up someone begging for their life. But for some reason, it is really hard for me to wrap my head around the idea. I know we live in a world where people hurt kids, but where it gets tough for me to wrap my head around is that this is organized. That's all that it. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard to Me, I don't want to live in that. I don't want to accept that world as being real. And it's easier for me to believe in chemtrails. Fuck it, I'll go. Flat Earth, even, like, I don't know, maybe UFOs. No problem. Massive structures under the pyramids. I hope so. Bigfoot, maybe Moon landing, I don't know. But somehow this one in particular that, like, I'm not just talking about the President, but like, that people we elected are actively, at the cost of their own political careers, suppressing information that could lead to a reduction in harm towards children. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, man.

[Josh]

I would argue this is the greatest timeline ever because it's been happening for thousands of years and finally it's coming to the light and they can't stop it.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, that is. See, you're good at that. That's because you're Catholic. That's why I got to go to church. Because you know what? My, my, my mind just goes to the dark. And when I think about this shit, I just. I'm like, you're right. Like that. If anything, it's great, it's coming to the light, but holy fucking shit, man. Like, it is indefensible. You're sunk, by the way. Like, you're already sunk. There's two possibilities. One, we're being tricked. This is like some kind of brilliant way of bull baiting people into, like, me and like, getting all frothed up over something and then it's going to come out and there's nothing there. And it's. Look, you conspiracy idiots. Maybe, maybe. I don't think so. I think there's too many people involved in this oppression who know, like, dude, like, even short term, looking like you're defending a fucking child abuser, that's permanent. That is on your record permanently. There's no way to get that off your record. Like, that's forever remembered. Like, that's like at the level of the dude who dropped the bombs on Hiroshima. But that's what, that's what you're gonna be known for forever. So. Yeah. I don't know though. Like, the cynical part of me Thinks they'll just go away. Just gonna go away, Josh. They'll do it. They'll just figure it out. They'll go away. Or it'll get like. It'll get released in the way they release the UAP stuff. So much information will come out and it'll all be cleverly distorted. But pull up the thing where apparently he hired FBI agents. Look at this shit, guys.

[Josh]

Who? Trump.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Josh]

For what? Hired FBI agents.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. And if we've got like, you know, MAGA people in the chat, I will not attack you, but genuinely defend what's going on. Like how? Defend like, help me understand how this isn't. Like, it isn't. Obviously it's not obvious that he. That your man was.

[Josh]

Is this it?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, go back. Trump hired FBI agents to scrub. To scrub Epstein docs. FBI agents were told to flag any Epstein records that mentioned Trump. FBI agents assigned to review files on the criminal case against Jeffrey Epstein were instructed to flag any documents that mention President Donald Trump. Durbin asked the Justice Department and FBI to explain what his office called apparent discrepancies regarding handling the Epstein files. So, yeah, like, you know, we would be remiss if we didn't pull up the Epstein. What do you call it? What's it called?

[Josh]

The flight log?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, there's very few interviews with him, but it's the interview of him getting deposed. Look up Epstein deposition.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

You soundly swear the testimony you're about to give away, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth to help you get. Yes, I do. What a piece of dude. Look at how dodgy that dude. Jeffrey Epstein, is it true, sir, that you have what's been described as an egg shaped. Are you kidding me, you goddess? They asked him if it's true that he has an egg shaped penis. It's the worst question.

[Josh]

Why is that the first question?

[Duncan Trussell]

Why wouldn't it be? It's so perfect. He deserved it. It's like, no, if you are hurting fucking kids, you only deserve shit like that. That's all you deserve. Attack, attack. Let people know your fucking dick looks like an egg. But this is the. Just from that one little clip, and there's very few clips of this motherfucker. You could just see what a shady dude that is. Like, I would not want to be around that guy. I would not want my fucking kids around that guy. Right. That guy just oozes creep. Now pull up Google Epstein transhumanism. Just, I don't know if people know this level of how fucking weird this shit is. Go to the go. Scroll down to Jeffrey Epstein hoped to seed human race with his fucking DNA. Friends, this is not Infowars, this is the New York Times. So it's less reputable than Infowars they put up. Okay, go back. Paywall. Guardian. Guardian isn't paywalled. This is real. Guys. Fuck off. Epstein reportedly hoped to develop super race of humans with his DNA. This is real. Registered sex offender hope to see human race with his DNA by impregnating 20 women at a time. And he's with his egg dick. Jeffrey Epstein, the wealthy financier accused of sex trafficking plan to develop an improved super race humans using genetic engineering and artificial intelligence. According to the New York Times, in the aftermath of his 2008 sex trafficking conviction, Epstein hoped to seed the human race with his DNA by impregnating women at his ranch in New Mexico, one of his properties where young women, including minors, were allegedly abused. Though there is little evidence the scheme ever progressed beyond fantasy, prominent scientists, including the late Stephen Hawking, regularly attended dinners, lunches, and conferences held by Epstein. What the fuck? It can't be real.

[Josh]

Damn, it keeps freezing. They just sent a text out saying that it issues are resolved. So I guess they kept turning it off and on. Spectrum.

[Duncan Trussell]

Spectrum. We might have to get you Google fiber, Josh.

[Josh]

I. I try to get fiber. They didn't have fiber. New studio will have fiber. All they have is Spectrum here.

[Duncan Trussell]

I might have to read that again. All right, guys, I don't know if you heard me read that, but I. Did you hear me read it? It's the Spectrum friends. They. The fucking Internet fucked up downtown, and so they're just like. It's a mess. Did you guys hear me read that article?

[Josh]

I don't think they did.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, let me read this again and you can cut this right. So it's. All right. Scroll up just so everybody sees. This is from the. You know, the. The Guardian, which is citing the New York Times. Okay. Epstein reportedly hoped to develop super race of humans with his DNA. Registered sex offender hoped to seed human race with his DNA by impregnating 20 women at a time. So scroll down past the picture of egg dick. Jeffrey Epstein, the wealthy financier accused of sex trafficking, planned to develop an improved super race of humans using genetic engineering and artificial intelligence. In the aftermath of his 2008 sex trafficking conviction, Epstein hoped to seed the human race with his DNA by impregnating women at his ranch in New Mexico, one of his properties where young women, including minors, were allegedly abused. Dude, go back to the thing That's. You have to keep showing it. I mean, like there's this fucking stupid ranch. I mean, dude, like, you know, this guy was friends with scientists. You know, this guy's friends with the sitting president of the United States who is somehow telling us not to think about him. You know, his penis is shaped like an egg, which is a wild. Wild. I'm trying to understand that. So this is the timeline we're in. It's important to really like understand the timeline. We're in a timeline right now where a dead man who mysteriously died in prison, a dead man with an egg shaped penis, was dear friends with our. The President. But also he was trying to impregnate 20 women at a time to seed humanity with his DNA. Like, it sounds like meth raving. It sounds like the dudes outside, like something they would say outside the studio. A man with an egg dick. There's a man with an egg dick. Oh, keep your children away from old egg dick. Old egg dick will get your children pregnant and wants to make a dwarf. He's trying to seed, man. He's trying to seed. He's friends with the President. He' powerful people. That's real. Am I naive that this shocks me like you, this is where we enter into like pre singularity land. That's all. It's just pre singularity. That's what you should expect as we get closer and closer to the end of history. You could expect a combination of things that make no sense at all. And you have to deal with it like, no, this is real. And you got to take it seriously. You have to take it seriously. Yeah, there are apparently high ranking fucking politicians are actively blocking a list of people who are friends with a dude whose dick was shaped like an egg that was a registered sex offender who wanted to impregnate 20 women at a time at his ranch to seed humanity with his DNA. And that's just what. That's the world we're in. So fuck it. That's what. That's what's going on. And yeah. Eugenicists. Thank you, Beth Noyes. It's fine. Thank you, Corey Callagher. You know what? You're right. What are we going to do? You know, what are we going to do? We're just. We gotta live our own lives, right? Just fucking lock your doors at night. I guess that's pretty much all you could do when you're the peasantry. Lock your fucking doors at night. I hope a dude with an egg shaped dick doesn't get your fucking daughter pregnant.

[Josh]

Want to see the.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, let's do some super chats. Glad I got that off my. Thank you, Gary Lee. You know, you don't have to do this every episode, man, but thank you, Rick. Hypnotique. Back to the important business. It was a coworker, and that's why he resigned. Thank you for that, Rick. You didn't have to pay for that, but I do appreciate the extra data there. And thank you for bringing us back to what's the most important thing. Not this bullshit Epstein stuff. Rick is asking if I like Schindler's List. I thought it was a great movie, but I'm not gonna get. You're not gonna trap me into saying I think the list itself was boring or not boring. Not Santa's naughty list. You know what? You got me there, Gary Lee. Yeah, you're right. Santa's naughty list would be interesting. I certainly would like to see if I was in it. It's like seeing your lift score. You ever see your lift score?

[Josh]

I've only taken Uber.

[Duncan Trussell]

You ever see your Uber score?

[Josh]

It's a five.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what happened? One night, an Uber took me and some friends home drunk years and years ago. And I guess we were trying to do some funny backseat improv, all drunk, thinking we're clever, and that fucking Uber driver dinged us. And then another Uber driver, like, what's my score? And he's like, you got dinged? I'm like, why? He's like, did you get drunk? Were you drunk in the back of an Uber and kind of a dick? I'm like, oh, no. Yes. I feel bad about that. I'm very. Never will do that again. Years ago, that was a dark time for me. I apologize to all Uber drivers. Hello from below. Says, my dad, and I went on Bledso said so. Wow, cool. We know you'll love my dad's life story. Drugs, demons, and UFOs and redemption. We saw you in Dania. Why don't you post a link to that man? Thank you, sp. Very sweet. Thank you for all of you, for donating. You don't have to. And Lex. What's up, Lex? I'm doing great. And Beth saying, welcome. Thanks. Thanks, you guys. Goal. I can have a goal. Put the goal up. Do the goal. Josh.

[Josh]

10 super chat. So you got to pick a goal and then.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I want to put $17 million on this one. Does it have the ability to put $17 million? I kind of need that right away.

[Josh]

No, I think it only does it by each one.

[Duncan Trussell]

What are the colors a teal for.

[Josh]

Five, yellow for 10.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's so fucked up. A timer, I guess. So I gotta like give them like a. Make them race to give me money for rambling about Jeffrey Epstein. Turn that off, Josh. Got a yellow. Got a yellow. If nothing is permanent and everything is temporary, does this apply to God or spiritual realms? Oh, that's a good one, Julian. Ah, Julian coming in. In a pinch, I had to climb out of this fucking Epstein hole. You know, I love your question and I'll tell you why I love your question. As I've mentioned maybe a billion times, wife is Catholic, I love Christianity, love Jesus, but you know, I am steeped in Buddhism. My mind just gravitates towards Buddhism and like, I don't even know if I am a Buddhist. Maybe I'm a shitty Buddhist. I don't know if you can be a Buddhist, but I sure think about it all the time. And not that makes you a Buddhist, but I try to practice mindfulness. And anyway, you sort of asked a very Buddhist question. And so theism, if you're getting into theism, which. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. I love Bhakti yoga, I love the Hare Krishnas, I love Vaishnava Bhakti yoga, I love the stories of Krishna, I love the temples. But a lot of the times you'll notice in theism, what goes along with it is some. If they. If it's gotten far enough to even explore Buddhism, they don't like it. And usually they misinterpret it, like they don't even know what it is. But what they do know is that Buddhism asked the very question that you just asked, and they don't. That can make them feel a little insecure. And so ultimately the question has to be really, if you want to take it to the deepest level, it's interdependency that we're talking about here. So there's a you, something you call a you, and that you is interdependent. In other words, if it was just you and we removed all everything else, so it's only you, then you would cease to exist. There wouldn't be a you. There would just be this kind of awareness field with nothing to be aware of. So awareness minus external phenomena is nothing, and external phenomena minus awareness is nothing because there's nothing that could be aware of it. So for you need squarespace in your life, My God, I don't know what I'd do without them. Go to dougatrustle.com that has been a squarespace Website. For years that beautiful, beautiful website was creating. That beautiful website was created using Squarespace's amazing technology. And that was created before they hyper evolved into what they are now. Squarespace is like a Swiss army knife. It's got everything you need. It's not just website design anymore. You want to send out emails to your clients that don't look like you're about to steal their identity. You can create beautiful emails with Squarespace. Obviously if you want to sell something online, they've got everything you need for that. Squarespace makes it easy to monetize your content by selling access to online courses, blogs, videos and memberships. Set a fully customizable website and earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or subscription for access. All of these things are incredible. But Squarespace's new AI is just amazing. It will help you not just design the site, but make a beautiful site. All these things, things that end up taking so much time. It will help you with and I made a website after like three or four vodka sodas at 3am because I had to go on morning radio and talk about my child Sheraton being. It's hard for me to talk about. But we tied balloons to him and he drifted away and I needed to talk about that on morning TV and I needed something to show that I wasn't just making up the story. I was able to build a wonderful website using Squarespace. Less than an hour and like definitely late at night and definitely too many vodkas. So if I could do that late at night on several vodka sodas, imagine what you could do with a clear mind, a vision, a purpose to manifest your dream online. Head on over to squarespace.com Duncan. You can try them out for free when you're ready to launch. Use Offer Code Duncan to get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain. [e-mail] Duncan. Use offer code DUNCAN to get 10% off your 1st order of a website or a domain. Thank you. Squarespace awareness doesn't function by itself. It needs something to be aware of, even if it's its own awareness. There has to be some object, some phenomena there. And this is the beginning of interdependency. So when the discussion of God comes up there, you know, there's obvious questions regarding God, like is God aware? I'm going to have to say yes, not. And like what do we got going on? Algorithm or something. So if we go by like some, theistic assignment of characteristics to God in general, you're going to find some awareness situation happening there. Then you have to ask yourself, well, what is God aware of? If God is aware of phenomena and phenomena changes, then that means that via interdependency God is also transforming with the phenomena situation, meaning that God changes. Now if God doesn't change, then that's where you start running into some like really fascinating problems, I guess you could say. So God is changeless, which is weird because then now you've got to separate God from God's material manifestation which is constantly transforming and changing. So God's separate from the external phenomena or something. And then you start getting into the weird theism math where you have to really do some extra chalk strokes to pull off a permanent non changing God situation. And in Buddhism that's called eternalism. And it is anything that points to a possibility of no change, including impermanence, which is a real, that's a real conundrum because I guess in this case we're going to replace God with impermanence. But what if, does impermanence change? Don't know. Don't know the answer to that. But it's certainly, if you are a theistic person, it's well worth exploring that line of inquiry. Just because, you know, I think that the contemplation of the divine is very, is a wonderful practice. Maybe it doesn't matter. That's a response I've gotten from some bhakti people. They're like, I don't know, why are you thinking about it? Who cares? You need something to be permanent. Is that what you're looking for? You want Krishna to be, you want God? You can't devote yourself completely to some super, super intelligence, a divine perfect super intelligence unless you have some certainty that it is permanent. What's wrong with you? That's what you need. I mean you don't need that with anything else. You don't need that with anyone you've ever fallen in love with. You've never been like, I'm not gonna fall in love with you because you're not eternal. I'm not gonna fall in love with you cause you're not eternally the same. I think you're going to change. So I can't love you. So if you don't do that with people and you fall head over heels in love with them, suddenly now you've got this stupid standard for God. It's ridiculous. Who knows? You don't know. Probably God changes. I hope so. There's lots of Cool. It's called process theology. That we are all part of God, and God is, like, right now in process. So in that case, not only does God change, like God is change. God is the constant destruction and resurrection that's happening at any given moment as reality blinks in and out of existence at a quantum level. But it's a great question. And anytime anybody tries to create a sort of unchanging situation, whether it's with a God or a person, which is very common in relationships, I'm sure you've experienced it being married. Who are you? I don't know this person. It's like, I changed. It happens with, like, happens across the board. People change things.

[Josh]

You got to call them out in the change, though, and be like, you become a role.

[Duncan Trussell]

Stop changing. Stay exactly the way you were when I met you on the third day when you suck my dick. That was so perfectly. Yeah, it works, too. Yep, it works. That's a great way. That's a great. That's. I guess we read the same books.

[Josh]

Yeah, they go, oh, my bad.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're like, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God, did I change? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. You haven't changed at all. So, yeah. I hope that answers your question. The ultimate thing is, who knows? I don't know. No idea. My guess is, like, if I have to. If I'm getting to pick gods, I want my God to change. You know? People wonder, where is God? Maybe God was like, yeah, I don't know. I'm out, man. I made the whole universe thing. Go do some other shit. Very possibly could just be like, yeah, that was a mistake. Try again. Now we're just in some void forever. Who knows? But the Bardo that we're in right now in Buddhism is called the Bardo of Becoming. So in this. In this realm, it's a constant change. You have no permanent self. And I don't mean that in the abstract. I mean, if your identity is dependent on phenomena, then at any given moment, phenomena are changing around you, meaning you are changing with the phenomena. Meaning that you're constantly changing. You're constantly transforming according to where you turn your head, where you walk, who calls you, what dream you had the night before, what movies you're watching. It's a. You're constantly changing. You don't maintain any static, stable anything, which freaks people out because they have really invested in some permanent identity. And that investment is of a shitty investment. It's like the worst crypto, and it pays dividends of suffering. That's all you get from it is because you hold yourself to some kind of, like, crazy expectation of how you should be and who you are and what you like and what you don't like. And you get frozen in time. And this is your thing. You don't have to be the way you are right now. The way you are right now doesn't matter what you are. You don't have to be that way. You just don't. Because you're the one choosing from moment to moment, how to be that's terrifying to people. The way you're doing this is so automatic that it feels. Feels like a you. But if you slow down a little bit, you realize, like, I don't have to hold my hands like this or make these gestures or not like line dancing or think that Coldplay sucks or not enjoy going to H E B or I hate grocery lists, and, you know, I don't like garlic. You don't have to be like that. Be any way you want. So that's why in Buddhism, you talk about this as a liberating. A liberating path. It liberates you from the distorted reality where you think you are an unchanging thing or that people around you aren't changing. That's nice. Free people. Free people. Meaning also, there's, like, redemption is so possible anytime you're around some asshole. All you have to remember is, like, they don't have to be like that. They're just trapped in asshole land. And also, they might just be asshole around me. I might be the phenomena that is, like, bringing the asshole out of them. I don't know what they're like around other people might just be me. And so that's where you really get deep because you realize actually, you're. You're. You are the asshole, too. You, both of you are doing the asshole dance. Like the waltz they're doing, I'm gonna do what makes you unhappy. And you're doing, I'm gonna act unhappy. And that's a dance.

[Josh]

How have you changed?

[Duncan Trussell]

How have I changed? I think my penis is shrinking. What else? Pretty much it. But, yeah, I mean, I have kids. What do you mean? Like, I, like, massive, fundamental, huge changes. Like, I'm a completely different person. You can't stay the same person when you have kids. I. There's no way. Like, I. I used to hate being around people. Hated it. Super recluse Josh. Like, like, happy to just not see anyone for days. And I liked walking around by myself. I liked going to movies by myself. I just like A fucking recluse, dude. Happily, too. At least I thought I was happy. And I was annoyed very easily by things outside of my control. Babies crying on planes, sounds from the apartment above me, sounds from other hotel rooms, people being loud in the hallway. Like all these little phenomena that were out of my control. I'd get really fucking pissed and frustrated. Miserable. That's a great way to be miserable, is be upset by ambient noises you can't control in a noisy ass world. Or ambient things you can't control. Whatever it is, dude, children have cured me of that. I can fucking sleep through anything. I could sleep through a. I could sleep through sledgehammering. I can sleep through, like, if. Like, God help you if you're in a hotel that has a party night. Sleep right through it. It doesn't bother me anymore. And because I'm always around people, it doesn't bother me to be around people like it used to. I still like to, like, retreat to a bedroom and fuck off by myself, don't get me wrong. But compared to what I used to do, it's a fraction of what I used to do. And what else? Lost a bunch of weight because I got on Ozempic for diabetes. What about you? Have you changed, Josh?

[Josh]

Before children, I was allergic to shellfish. And then after children, I'm still allergic to shellfish, but I don't. I still eat shellfish. So I've changed in that way because I decided to not care.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you guys doing the Slurm thing? Because that's what I sound like with these chews in my mouth. Be honest.

[Josh]

No, it's a guy who's been asking you stuff about Jewish people and he's been paying you super chats, but I don't know.

[Duncan Trussell]

If you want to read them, show them to me.

[Josh]

Sure.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the. Is Slurm done? It's way better than what I thought. I mean, it's like a. I don't.

[Josh]

There's that one and then there's another one up here.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let's. Let's try to, like, identify what he's saying without getting my YouTube cancelled.

[Josh]

Yeah, that's the other one.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Sorry, Slurm. You'd have to pay for that if you can, I don't know, undo the chat. Refund him. I mean, I don't know what you're getting at there. I can sort of guess, I guess. I'm not offended. I just, like. I don't think you can, like. I think, like, that kind of shit, like, triggers the algorithm. Yeah, for sure. My grandfather Was. This is probably gonna fucking really upset you. My dearest Slurm. Get ready to be mad, you fuck. My grandfather was Jewish.

[Josh]

But your grandmother wasn't. Or your mother, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. It's matriarchal. I didn't get in.

[Josh]

Damn.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know. It's a bummer. It's a fucking bummer. But it's in me, I think, still, it's gotta be, because, like, whenever, like, I. Like my friend Ben Epstein. God damn it. Of course his last name's Epstein. I have a rabbi who comes on my podcast sometimes. And, like, I love talking to him about the Kabbalah and stuff. I mean, dude, it's such a mystical, beautiful religion. It's incredible. Like, also, like, so much of magic is rooted in the Kabbalah is rooted in Judaism. It's incredible, man. I mean, it's like, deep shit. What do they call it? What's the name of the thing where there's a number? Each word in the Torah has a number. What's that called? People get really into this shit. It's beautiful. It's. It's insane. It's like, oh, my God. This is definitely written by aliens. There's a name for it, but I can't remember. Gematria. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Each Hebrew letter is assigned a numerical value. So then do, like, I don't know, Jewish gematria. Because some of the words that have the same number are completely connected. Like, I think God and nature have the same number. Like, do God, nature, Jewish gematria. Maybe not. Probably saw that on some shitty documentary. It's not true, and I didn't look it up. Another thing I've been saying over and over.

[Josh]

86.

[Duncan Trussell]

86. Just out of curiosity, Jewish gematria. 69. What the. Well, how does it not. That doesn't work. Go back to 69. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't show people that they can't know. Go back to 69. Delete meaning. Just do Jewish gematria. 69. An and Tet. So what does aan mean? Wait, while there isn't a common word that directly adds up to 69, that by itself is nuts. The closest you get is an and tet. Get out of there. That's pretty disappointing.

[D]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through August 12th. Get big savings on your favorite products for the little ones in the family and earn four times points to use for discounts on groceries or on gas. Shop in store or online for items like Earth's Best Yogurt Smoothie, Gerber Pouches, Happy Baby Pouches, Huggies, Natural Baby Wipes, Pediasure Bottles, Earth's Best Crunchy Sticks and Gerber Yogurt Melts snacks and earn 4 times points. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Duncan Trussell]

Pretty disappointing, but, yeah, I mean, once you start getting into the Torah, what's really wild is like, I don't think a lot of Christians understand, like, that Jesus was just quoting Torah. They don't know that, like a lot of things Jesus was saying was already. It was in there. So he was already saying the stuff that's pretty wild. When you go into the. My brother in law gave us like the whole Jewish Bible and you go back and start reading and it's like, wait, this is like he was just mostly quoting, no offense, folks. Pissing people off. Anti Semitic.

[Josh]

Jesus is plagiarizing.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, he wasn't plagiarized. Quote quoting with, you know, he's quoting. I don't think he was plagiarizing. I mean, he was like a rabbi.

[Josh]

That makes sense because I. I remember him doing this a lot. When he would talk and pictures.

[Duncan Trussell]

He did do air quotes all the time. That was like, one of the last things he did when he was being crucified. Father, forgive. Father, forgive them. Ikagi Styles. 10 minute self banned for accusing me of being a druggie. What are you from the fucking 80s? What do you work for DARE? Who even says druggie anymore? It did occur to me, though, Josh, that, you know, I always thought, like, the people outside who were freaking out all the time were on drugs, but I just realized it's because there's a liquor store right there.

[Josh]

Mm.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's why they're there.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm such an idiot. Like, yeah, they're just like, surrounding the liquor store like those monkeys that eat fruit that gets fermented and like, have you ever seen that video Pull that up?

[Josh]

Monkeys eating when they get drunk.

[Duncan Trussell]

Monkeys eating fermented fruit. This is incredible, man. How much. You don't. You don't. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're hammered ostrich. Look at that. He's pissed. He's an angry drunk. If I was a lion, dude, this is where I would go to eat. This would be my buffet. Come on. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. This is fake. What?

[Josh]

All right, we got a warning.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. That's what got us. Yeah, guys, we got a warning for showing the drunk animal stream with no audio. That's wild.

[Josh]

It must have been from a movie.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a. What do you mean? It is. It's clearly from a movie. It's from some kind of documentary. Why'd you just show yourself?

[Josh]

I meant to show you.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, you didn't. Why'd you do that?

[Josh]

I meant to show you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why are you doing that, Josh?

[Josh]

Getting there.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you do? Oh, let's read what Alexander Zaytsev is saying. You can't just read the colored ones. It makes you seem like a pig. Yes. Like, I feel like my mind is sterile. A sterile robot presenting everything. Transparent. So mostly amnesia and halting. Or spending. What? My. I. What? Why is that the one I picked? It's like Puff's mousetrap and alarm every. I'm sorry I didn't read your earlier post. I hope you feel better, Alexi. That sounds rough. Brian Kalina says drunk animals are derogatory. I don't know how to say intoxicated, inebriated animals. Oh, no, we're all animals. What do you want me to say?

[Josh]

People get their dogs drunk all the time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Nine, five, six. Nick. Oh, wait. You know what? Let me wrap up whatever this podcast was for the listeners out there. You have to cut some of the interaction out, I guess. Josh. Okay. What a ride we've had today. My friends, I hope that my rant on the Epstein situation has not distracted you from the most important thing we should be thinking about right now, which is the cheating CEO. These days, there are a lot of people from both sides of the political spectrum who would like to distract you. They want you to worry about immigration. They want you to think about classism. They want you to think about the fact that probably the real problem that's happening right now is not really one of, like, culture, but one of class. They're going to tell you things like that. They're going to say things to you that would make you believe that money flows up, doesn't flow back down. And it's been doing that for a while. And that once it flows up far enough, I guess you could call it, a new sort of government will form within the old government that you thought it was. And that's called an oligarchy is what they'll tell you. An oligarchy? Nerds. And then they'll tell you that. Yeah, I mean, what do you want? You can't have a democracy if, like, a very tiny percentage of people are, like, controlling the politicians via bribes, essentially, like legal bribes. And they're going to say things like, you know. And also, you know, it's. A lot of these politicians are horny and, like, are depraved, and it's not that hard to get them on video. Fucking. Fucking people they shouldn't be. Once you do that, you could basically easily just take over a government. Like, no problem at all, actually. Simple old, oldest trick in the book, honey trap. It'd be very easy, like, if you had. I'm just saying this is what they want you to believe. I'm not saying this. If you did have elected officials, some of which were depraved abusers of children who were also greedy and really just wanted power, then instead of having to wage war against a country with the most powerful military on the planet, you could probably, like, in a week take over the whole country just by throwing a few parties. No problem. Because, like, if they've been parading around like they have ethics and morals and then you got some video of them doing some. I can't say it on YouTube, then yeah, you pretty much own them from that point forward. You own them. And yeah, not only that, but you could probably get them to get other politicians on camera doing the same shit. You don't have to do it anymore. You could do like. Like chain mail. You could just, like, spreads down the line. Next thing you know, you've taken over a country, no problem. Easy. Then you can make them do whatever you want via blackmail. I mean, it's a Black Mirror episode. This shit actually happens on Roblox. This happens on Roblox. They do this to fucking kids get manipulated by assholes on fucking Roblox into thinking that they have footage of them jerking off to porn. And then they get them to send them money. If it works on Roblox, like, if someone's already figured out how to do that on Roblox, you think they wouldn't at least try to do it to, like, a powerful government? That's what they want you to believe. And they will say things like, it seems like, honestly, a little weird that you don't see that. Like, if you don't see that, you're kind of. You're probably blind. Don't listen to them. What you need to be thinking about, and I'm happy to tell you, what you need to be thinking about is just reviewing the CEO Coldplay footage over and over and over and over again as much as you possibly can. It's the antidote to any of this nonsense people seem to be fixated on. If you can't find a place that isn't talking about this. I guarantee if you go to any news station that is only talking about the cheating CEO, they're compromised. They're compromised. And that's why they took out Colbert. That's why they took out Colbert, because he was not afraid to make jokes about that cheating CEO. That was funny. And they were funny. So they took him out. They took him out. We lost the Tonight show. And, yeah, you know what? Probably because I talked about the cheating CEO so much. Yeah. I imagine it's over for my time on YouTube. And I'll live with that. Because I'm not afraid to speak the truth to power and CEOs. If there is a CEO watching or listening to this right now, please, please. Your vows meant something to your wife. Please stay true to your love. Do not cheat. And that's the lesson we've all learned from today's episode of the dtfh. If you're a CEO, do not cheat. Thank you so much for watching, listening, please like and subscribe. I really do want to take down Mr. Beast. My kid has become so obsessed. If I could get rid of this plague, not only will it be good for my children, it'll be good for the world. He does make pretty interesting videos, though. I mean, I have to watch them. Of all the videos, I'm not saying, like, I'm not. I'm giving up my campaign, but the one where, like, they are kind of weird. You know what? Just. Oh, yeah. So goodbye. We're not actually done. Don't turn it off yet, Josh. I will say this. I'm watching Mr. Beast with the oldest, and I've just, like, tried to show him Star wars again. Wife doesn't want him to watch Star Wars. I don't know why. Thinks he's too, too young for Star Wars. What the fuck? So I'm like, okay, so Mr. Beast, I guess we'll just show him Mr. Beast. So I'm showing Mr. Beast. The episode is this, like, overweight dude is put in a house, given a year to lose weight. And it is kind of inspirational. I'm watching it. It's like, wow. It's kind of inspirational. It's cool. He's, like, getting his shit together. He was in shape. And then the story is, he was in shape. His dad passed away. Which is not easy to see that when you're with your kid. Because I don't want him thinking about me dying while he's watching Mr. Beast. But then in the middle of this fucking Mr. Beast video, they have to come and tell this guy that the dude he's been training with died in his goddamn apartment. Like, my kid is woke. My kid is wide. It's always so inspirational. I'm like, yeah, you know, like, this is. People can do this, kid. You could do anything you put your mind to. And then it's like in the middle of this thing, they're like, yeah, people should stop. You know, when you work out and get in shape, people you love seem to die. Because that's what happened. And I look at my kid, I'm like, dude, like, this is sorry. This is so sad. And he goes, you never know what might happen in this world, dad. It's like so sad. True. It's true. Well, anyway, a good week to you. I'll see you next week. We'll be doing live streams every week. If you want, you can subscribe to my Patreon. I did just upload an exclusive patreon old school dtfh audio only to give to my dearest patrons. That's patreon.com dtfh if you become a member, you'll get commercial free episodes of the DTFH on the YouTube and Early Access to anything that we record. We do that, right? Or early access to anything we record. Thank you for your kind donations. May God go with you. Oh, and if you're in Oklahoma, come see me at Bricktown weekend after next. After this one. I love you. Goodbye.

[D]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through August 12th. Get great savings on your favorite self care items and earn four times points when you shop in store or online. Shop for items like Neutrogena Cleansing and Makeup removing towelettes, Dove Men 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, Dove Shampoo, Tracemay Shampoo Method Body Wash and Suave Body wash and earn 4 times points. Use these points for discounts on groceries or gas. Offer ends August twelveth. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.