759: Bobby Kelly

Summary

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Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Episode 759: Bobby Kelly

Release Date: July 3, 2026
Guests: Robert (Bobby) Kelly
Main Theme: The enduring power, complexity, and evolving culture of comedy, the moral and emotional struggles of comedians, family life, and the philosophy of laughter.

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Episode Overview

This lively and heartfelt episode features comedian Bobby Kelly. Duncan and Bobby navigate the competing worlds of stand-up comedy, spiritual searching, personal growth, and family responsibility, offering honest reflections about ego, success, cancel culture, and what it means to truly "make it" in life. The episode swings between the hilarious and the profound, as two seasoned comics reflect on a changing comedy landscape and the nature of fulfillment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Comedy, Offense, and Cancel Culture

• The episode dives deep into the recent debates around "offensive" comedy, the role of cancel culture, and public criticism of headliner comedians like Louis CK and Tony Hinchcliffe.
• Bobby and Duncan reflect on how outrage and critique are part of a long tradition of comedy:
  • "Don Rickles, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor...you're acting like this is a new phenomenon because of cancel culture. It's always been this way." - Duncan (1:43:57)
• They assess comedy critics and the usefulness of their philosophical dissection:
  • "They love to philosophize...What? This is joke writing and boring and they just say a slur and that's unintelligent.” – Bobby (0:57:15)
• Emphasis on comedy as a populist art form judged by audience laughter, not critical think-pieces:
  • "They won't show up...The people tell us when you stop being funny. They don't tell us, 'We don't want that anymore." – Bobby (1:06:10)

2. Personal History & The Roots of Humor

• Bobby shares stories from his turbulent youth, including jail time, rehab, and pivotal experiences that sharpened his humor as a survival mechanism:
  • “If you can make somebody laugh in a fucked-up situation about something fucked up—it could save your life.” – Bobby (1:01:26)
• He recounts his work in juvenile care, being invited to speak in Congress next to Janet Reno (hilarious riffing follows), and how these early experiences shaped his worldview and comedic sensibility.
  • [Timestamp 15:12-21:11]
• Stories of growing up with a big, working-class Irish family, and how familial chaos produced comic instincts:
  • “[We had] 13 of us in a three-bedroom… You had to be attuned. You have to have great situational awareness.” – Bobby (1:36:31)

3. Comedy Clubs, Hierarchies, and Ego

• The structure of the comedy industry is likened to a cult-like hierarchy—equal parts reverence and clique-driven competition:
  • "It was more than ass-kissing—it was deep reverence. That weird pyramid-shaped, culty power structure.” – Duncan (0:25:11)
• Both discuss the social microcosms of legendary clubs like The Comedy Store and The Cellar, the pressure to get "in," and the strange power held by bookers.
• Reflections on the fleeting, often cyclical nature of comedy status, clubs, and industry cliques:
  • “As a comic, you should be able to go up in front of any crowd after anybody, absolutely anywhere." – Bobby (0:41:44)

4. Faith, Spirituality & Catholicism

• Faith and spirituality emerge, framed not in rigid dogma but as essential guides for living morally and raising children with a compass:
  • "Find a God of your understanding...God is a moral compass...I think we all have it in us, but now it’s all about ego." – Bobby (0:36:05)
• Discussion of Catholic "schism" after Vatican II, and the relevance of church attitudes in a changing world.
• Both describe the function of religion as a spiritual workout, more about personal connection than doctrinal purity:
  • "If I went to church and had to learn Latin...sorry, fuck yourself. But if I can go and hear something that affects me that day...for me that's good." – Bobby (0:37:44)

5. Family, Fulfillment, and Life Choices

• Bobby opens up about recalibrating ambition after becoming a father—prioritizing time with his family over relentless touring or chasing career peaks:
  • "I wanted to experience dinner at five. I wanted to sit down at a table and talk." – Bobby (1:17:39)
• Both acknowledge the emotional whiplash of balancing comedy career demands with the desire to fully inhabit fatherhood and domestic life.
• Sincere realization that ‘making it’ is relative and found in everyday moments:
  • "I pulled up into my driveway...my kid was on the couch, my wife was cooking dinner...and I was like, I made it. I already made it years ago.” – Bobby (1:80:29)

6. Social Media, Algorithms, and Emotional Health

• Vigorous critique of social media’s negative impact on creativity, peace of mind, and emotional well-being:
  • "If there is an energy in the universe that once you tune into it, it will fuck your life up...it would invent social media." – Duncan (1:66:23)
• Bobby recounts switching from doom-scrolling to reading before bed—improving sleep, dreams, and mental state.

7. Comic Instincts & the Comedic Mindset

• In-depth discussion about how comedians develop heightened social intuition—a "superpower" for navigating rooms, sensing energy, and surviving hostile situations.
  • “If you’re a standup comedian, you have superpower instincts. We know what people are thinking.” – Bobby (1:94:13)
• Addressing the emotional hangover from ego, regrets, and mistakes:
  • "Your ego is the thing...your own ego can fuck you up and make you...say fucked up things." – Bobby (1:84:34)
• Both praise comics who seem impervious to criticism, yet admit everyone—no matter how brash—cares at some level.

8. Mentoring & the Comedy "Farm Team"

• Bobby’s reputation for boosting up-and-coming comics is explored; pride in championing people before they became industry names (e.g., Dan Soder, Luis Gomez, etc.):
  • "I really am a farm team. I pick winners." – Bobby (1:107:33)
• Love for comedy as a community built on mutual support and playful ball-busting.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Nature of Critique in Comedy

• Bobby: “If I was a sculptor and you said, ‘Show me a face that has never laughed...never had joy,’ I would sculpt her face.” (0:50:32) [On a comedy critic's expression]

On Comedy’s Historical Roots

• Duncan: “Stop acting like...the phenomena of comedians saying shit that offends people… started 10 years ago. Shut the fuck up. This is the history of [comedy].” (1:43:57)

On Ego & "Making It"

• Bobby: "I was always chasing success. Then I realized...I made it. I pay my bills with dick jokes. My kid is clothed. I did it. I made it years ago.” (1:80:29)

On Social Media as Modern Malevolence

• Duncan: “If there’s an energy in the universe that would invent technology to fuck your life up, it would be social media, it would be the algorithm…” (1:66:23)

On Kids and Life Perspective

• Bobby: “I have 25 summers left. I don't wanna...waste it. Kids won't have that perspective until they're... You need death to wake you the fuck up and give you empathy." (1:67:24)

On Comedy Survival Instincts

• Bobby: "If you can make somebody laugh in a fucked-up situation about something fucked up, it could save your life." (1:101:26)

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• Bobby’s youth, speaking in Congress, Janet Reno story: [15:12–21:11]
• Comedy club hierarchies and politics: [24:00–32:10]
• On faith, Catholicism, and raising kids: [32:51–39:50]
• Comedy audiences and cultural waves: [40:56–43:25]
• Comedy criticism and outrage culture: [49:02–63:28]
• Reading vs. doomscrolling and wellness: [63:31–66:16]
• Superpowers of comedians (social intuition): [92:10–96:15]
• Growing up in a crowded home and comic survival skills: [96:13–101:00]
• On mentoring comics and being proud of their success: [107:16–112:06]

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Tone & Language

The episode is a seamless mix of Bobby's working-class, unfiltered Boston humor and Duncan's philosophical, sometimes spiritual warmth. It's raunchy, self-deprecating, compassionate, and filled with classic ball-busting. Both are deeply honest about their anxieties and joys, finding laughter in pain, and pain in laughter.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode is a masterclass in comic honesty, offering rich insight into the inner and outer lives of comics. If you want a look behind the curtain into how comedians actually think, feel, and weather the shifting winds of cultural outrage and personal life, this conversation is a must-listen. You’ll leave with a little more empathy—and a lot more laughter.

Transcript

[Duncan Trussell]

A morning walk, some bird watching. It's another easy Sunday. UnitedHealth Group makes these ordinary days possible, with partners like the University of Tennessee Health Sciences helping communities manage their health closer to home. 54% of participants have lowered their blood pressure, meaning fewer heart attacks and more

[Robert Kelly]

Sundays at the park.

[Duncan Trussell]

This might feel like an ordinary day to UnitedHealth Group. It's the healthcare system working better for everyone. Learn [e-mail] Commitment. Hey. Good to see you. Sorry I was a little late. I missed you so much. And I'm glad you're here. It'd be easy to think as you're listening to this or watching this, that I'm not talking to you, that I'm talking to some sort of ambiguous mass of people listening or watching the dtfh. And if you thought that, then that means you succumbed to a sort of naive understanding of the current technologies which are available to certain people who are doing shows, podcasts, politics, pretty much anything. And that technology are swarms of nanobots that, via all kinds of things, coffee, vaccines, chemtrails. Have gotten into your body at the genetic level and have allowed me to tune in to you. I'm here for you. I'm here to talk to you, not them. I just want you to know something. You're being too hard on yourself. Listen, it's just pantyhose. What's the big deal? And, yeah, it's the same brand your mama used to buy. Yeah, you like the way it feels when you pull it up your legs over your ass and you like stroking your own leg and thinking, that's mama's leg. It's kind of like coming home. And then after those sessions, you beat yourself up. You drink too much, you pour tequila in your mouth, you vomit, and then you put on the hose again and feel better. And it's a loop you're in. It's a loop. And it's a ridiculous loop. Essentially, you're flogging your back, and then you're applying a kind of pantyhose balm to heal that wound. Wounding, healing, rewounding. I'm giving you permission right now. Wear the hose whenever you want. Stop the flogging. It's not helping you. It's not helping anyone. And your mom is going to be in hell forever no matter what you do. We have got an incredible episode for you today, and this is just for you. But before we get into that, I would like to invite you, not the rest of you, just you, to come to one of my live Shows. I'm gonna be in Houston, Texas, July 16, and then right after that, I'm gonna be doing a weekend at the glorious comedy Mothership Austin. Come see me July 17th, 18th, and 19th. And then this is the most important of them all. They're all important but this. And I don't think I've been to the Milwaukee Improv before, and if I have, I apologize for not remembering. I'm going to be at the Milwaukee improv in Brookfield July 23rd, 24th, and 25th. Won't you come see me? And also check out my newest podcast, the Mystery Boys on ymh. Get ready to solve mysteries and. And maybe to create a few mysteries that will haunt you until the end of your days. Holy Lord in heaven. We've got an incredible episode for you today. I'm lucky. Josh is deeply connected. He's in some kind of comic Illuminati, and he knew that Bobby Kelly was going to be in town this weekend doing shows at the Mothership, which, by the way, if you're in Austin, please go see him. He's so fucking funny. You're crazy if you don't go. Are you really gonna go see fireworks? Really? How old are you? Do you actually like fireworks? You gonna what? Film the fucking fireworks? Don't go see fireworks. Go see Bobby Kelly at the mothership on July 4th. You're gonna have a much, much better time. You're not gonna have to worry about firework malfunction. These are fucking meth heads launching these fucking things. People get incinerated every summer in Austin by errant fireworks. Don't risk your life. Don't risk your family's life. Also, I wouldn't want to be outside on July 4th anyway. I can't tell you how I know that. Go to the Mothership. See Bobby Kelly there. But first see him here. You already know who he is. You know him from Louie. You know him from Opie, and Anthony. You know him from his podcast ykwd. Did you know he was a pioneer when it came to podcasting? He started in. In 2010. He was using weird, obscure technologies to do podcasts with Colin Quinn. He also hosts a show with Big J on Sirius called Bonfire. He is a wonderful, deep, spiritual madman. And he's here today. Everybody. Welcome to the dtfh Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

That's something you should be grateful for, that you can puke into a cup and that's it.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I think it shows you how much power we have over our bodies that we don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

That's A yo, that's why I love you, dude. I knew you're gonna whip something like that out and you call them Zens. Not Zens. I'm gonna start calling them Zen's. Oh, look at that. Oh, that's crisp. Is this good? Is this good?

[Duncan Trussell]

It is crisp.

[Robert Kelly]

Good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't see my lips, though. You want to get some of the lips.

[Duncan Trussell]

I want to see those lips. Look at those lips.

[Robert Kelly]

This is it, right? Are we rolling? Are we doing rolling? Oh, you know what's so funny? And I apologize because this happened to me twice now, and I have to. I have to stop. I'm from Boston. So when I say we're upstairs. Just context for the listeners.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

We're upstairs in the coffee shop and the dude was behind me. First of all, I walk in and two smoking hot chicks with their Labrador. The thing just jumps on my body.

[Duncan Trussell]

Tex.

[Robert Kelly]

Tex. And she goes, oh, I'm sorry. First of all. No, you're not. Tex does it all the fucking time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Cause I know guys with dogs and the thing. If you don't want the dog to do that, you fuck. But I don't give a shit. Let Tex do what he wants. A dog jumps on me. That means I got the energy. You know what I mean? There's something about me with Tex is like, good guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't give a fuck. But. But I hate when people apologize for it because it's like, shut your face.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, text does this, but I don't give a. And then we go in, and the dudes behind me goes, yo, man, you bought him zippers open. Yeah. And I immediately go, yo, man, I'm married. Like, I'm like, this is. This is Austin gay. Text. This is like, gay. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, because they have, like, codes. And so I'm like, yo, dude. And he's like, no, my. My bag on my thing was. The bottom zip was actually open.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Which. And I go. And I said, I thought that was some queer stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I say queer and stuff like that, and you're like, oh, he's queer. So. And I. I'm sorry, dude, I'm not queer. Oh, shit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he's not really queer.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you get facials?

[Duncan Trussell]

Josh is just gay.

[Robert Kelly]

Your skin is gay.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, not gay. I have three kids. Wife.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, you have great skin for not being gay. Thank you. Well, I did this the other day. I'm hanging out with two friends, friends of mine that are gay. And I was like, fucking. I was telling a Story And I was like, fucking queer. And I forget because I'm from queer. Where I'm from, it's not queer.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I never, you know what I mean? It's like. So I love. Jogan had a joke in his last special because I've never called anybody gay faggot ever. I only texted to my friends on their birthday, one of the jokes like that to me when they solve a problem.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

In very few words.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

To explain something.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And I said that the other day. Now I gotta call him. I'm like, I don't. I didn't mean gay. I meant me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? When I wear my tube socks up

[Duncan Trussell]

too high, you think you actually have. I, I can't imagine you have friends.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Gay or straight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Who are actually offended by something you say.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, because I'm friends. Here's the thing. I don't. I think in comedy people hang out. I've never done this, even in high school. People in comedy hang out in groups.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. Almost like little gangs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I hang out with everybody. Like I'm friends with, you know, I like people in that group and that group and that group. I don't really. If you're a good person, I have you. I'm nice. I don't care about your comedy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't care about your political view. I don't give a shit about that. You can do whatever you. But you. But if you're good to me, if we can talk and you're nice to me and we have, you know, you're good, I'm fine. You're cool. So I have friends that believe in all kinds of crazy left wing and blah, blah, blah. And I'm. We have coffee and we talk about other.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I have friends who are like far right and we talk about other. I mean, I agree with a lot of stuff they say we talk a lot more.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I love having friends. Like, you know, I'm like a woo woo hippie dude. But I have like brilliant atheist friends who I get into theological conversations with debates, and they beat me. They're smarter than me. I lose every time I like that. I'm not offended or upset. It's like, I don't know, maybe there isn't a God. Maybe everything I've been praying to is wrong. But I'll not going to stop.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but they're wrong. Listen, the thing is, you're, you're, you're Catholic, right? I'm Catholic, yeah. I'm. But I'm More. Let's say this because I pray every day. I pray during the day. I went to. When I go, yesterday, my wife took me to Waco, Texas, because of the mag. Magnolia Bakery and the silos.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. My wife took me to Waco, too. What the.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that because she saw my wife 10 years ago, whenever it was. Saw that TV show with whatever. The couple.

[Duncan Trussell]

Same.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And then I remember, she goes, I want to go there someday.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

And then two months ago, three months, whenever this was booked, she goes, maybe we'll come. Me and Max will come. And I was like, that's weird. All right. Because she doesn't come on the road with me that much. I was like, okay. And then yesterday, I'm walking around the silos, and I'm like, all right, this is. This bitch. She had this plan for years. She. I'm walking around with a muffin and a dumb latte looking at Earth Tone fucking hoodies.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So we were walking around there all day yesterday. I mean, dude, it's. First of all, I love it. It's fine. I'll go anywhere and do anything. And then all of a sudden, they actually took an old church that was another place in town, which I love.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

That they can move buildings. They can move houses.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I don't get it. And they've been doing it for a long. It's not like the new technology.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They used to just lift a house. So they. They picked this church up and moved it to the silo area.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'm looking at me and my son who, you know, he prays with me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He saw me praying one day in the morning, and he just got down next to me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I love it. And we went in the church. We walked in the church. We sat in the front pews. People were walking and looking around because people are scared, Right. People are like, oh, we're just supposed to look at this. We sat down and just closed our eyes, and all of a sudden, we looked around. There was other people. We like other people. Like, oh, we can do. We can. We don't have to feel weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

So I was like. We just sat there for around 10 minutes, and then I. I closed eyes and took a breath, and we just went back out to, you know, walk around and look at more muffins.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. For people who don't know what he's talking about, first of all, Waco God. Waco God, but Waco. Let's talk about Waco.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Waco Everybody knows Waco because of the Branch Davidians, but Waco, the city is a very desolate place. Like, if you wanted to shoot a zombie movie, you should shoot it there because you don't have to close down the streets, dude. My wife and I walked around. It's desolate, empty, Fucking creepy. Weird. Weird vibes. A tornado hit Waco, killed a bunch of people. Did you stay at that cool hotel?

[Robert Kelly]

No, we didn't stay. Oh, I'd never stay at Waco, dude. We stayed in the condo, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

We all. We just got. It's just weird vibes. But where you went. Yeah, it's. So. It was this Instagram influencer.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a couple.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who had a show of flipping houses.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's it. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they transformed this desolate city that had a terrible history. From the Branch Davidian. Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who. That's all people know now. You go there, buddy. This place in the middle. Middle of the city. Went to the Dr. Pepper factory.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Walked around the museum. Made our own Dr. Peppers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Then we walked right over to the silos. You're walking around. It's like going back in time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, they have a baseball. A Wiffle ball bat, baseball field. And you just saw families with their grandparents and little kids playing games of Wiffle ball.

[Duncan Trussell]

It reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode where it's like a zoo for white people.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, That's Buddy. That's exactly. I'm walking around like, what the. I'm trying not to swear. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

So strange.

[Robert Kelly]

So strange.

[Duncan Trussell]

Astroturf everywhere.

[Robert Kelly]

Exactly, dude. Exactly. It was like a black mirror or whatever. The show, dude. And the best food. Everything is kind of healthy, but a little fattening. Yeah, it was perfect.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it was. Waco is a weird city.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a weird city.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a weird city. And I don't. I. I mean, I want any city to do good, but I wouldn't say they revitalized it.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it was packed, that area. And I spent around 250.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I dropped maybe three. Add in the Dr. Pepper factory.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That little area.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is making bank.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think it's cool because they did. It's like. That's their hometown. They went. They wanted to give back.

[Robert Kelly]

That's fucking Buddy. I bought cologne in Waco, Texas. They're doing good. Yeah. I bought. I bought a cowboy black cologne in way. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I bought a hat.

[Duncan Trussell]

I got Reno 52. Janet Reno is there. She Incinerated those children. That's how. The thing is, like, I had dinner with her. You had dinner with Janet Reno?

[Robert Kelly]

I got a video of it, too.

[Duncan Trussell]

How? How what?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, and I don't want to go back into my history because I talk about. But I was a bad kid. Juvenile delinquent. Went to jail at 13. In and out of jail.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Went to rehab. 15. Recovered from booze and alcohol. And when I got out of rehab, I wound up working for one of the juvenile halls. It was a place called NFI Shelter Care. His name was this guy Yitzhak. Dr. Yitzchak, I believe. I hope I don't get it wrong. He, way back in the 80s, wanted to start, because back in the day with juveniles, they would just throw them in a thing, like a building, like, almost mental institution.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

He was like, ah. And then they started throwing him in jails. Yeah. He was like, I want to create open door. They called it normalization, where they would buy a house or a building in neighborhoods, and it was open door policy. So the windows weren't locked, the doors weren't locked. But the longer nobody ran, the more incentives the kids got. So 30 days, everybody got a steak dinner. 60 days, you got to go to the beach. 90 days, you got lobster. So they would. Incentive. So you would take the kids that were there longer and they would incentivize the other kids. You gave responsibility Right. To kids. And all of a sudden, we'd be at the beach, you know, we. We'd go hiking up in the mountains, in the White Mountains. We'd have lobster dinner. So you incentivize kids not to run. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And they would actually talk to you. So when I got out of this place, it was the. One of the greatest. It saved my life. NFI Shelter Care saved my life. And when I got out of there, I went back and I worked for them. So they call me up and they go, hey, we're going to. We have to go to Washington, D.C. and we want you. I was 18, maybe 18, 19. We want you to speak in front of the Congress in the Senate.

[Duncan Trussell]

Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'm like, I have no. I have nothing. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm like, yeah, sure.

[Duncan Trussell]

Had you done any performance before that?

[Robert Kelly]

I was just starting, you know, in 1920. I don't know. I don't know ages. So I had just started a little bit of. Of comedy. Like, okay. Like, I mean, a little bit.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you had still conquered the fear of getting in Front of.

[Robert Kelly]

I was in college for art. I was taking an improv class. I was doing. I was getting into theater. You know what I mean? Like that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Gotcha.

[Robert Kelly]

And I was doing, you know, very little.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I. I had that thing in me that. That disease we get.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

About speaking in front of people and making people laugh. I was like, yeah, sure. So I go, we. They fly me. I had to buy a suit. I remember my mother got me a double breasted suit. It was like an. Because I had. No, I never wore. I never had a suit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

So my mom bought me this silver double breasted suit.

[Duncan Trussell]

She must have been so proud of you.

[Robert Kelly]

Big fan of Kennedy. She'd fucking suck his dick in front of my father, swear to God, today. And he's dead. And so is Kennedy. She's like, he dig him up and blow him. But so I go there and I don't understand what. I mean, I don't understand what's happening.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I just know that I'm. I don't give a shit. Right. We get the Secret service, we get into the room. We're in the Cannon building and it's 250 Congress and senators. I'm at table uno with Robert Kennedy's daughter, Kathleen Kennedy, I believe.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm not sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. And Janet Reno is next to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

Sitting right next to me. So it was. It was. It was right there. And I'm looking around and I'm sitting next to her. And she was, you know her with her Pete Rose haircut.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you pull up a picture of Janet Reno?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she. She looks like she pitched for the Yankees in 78, right? She. Yeah, there she is. She looks like she's Pete Rose, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, look at that. That's the one. I sat right there. That's the one I sat next to that one right there with that hair. Look at that. Doesn't she look. She was third base for the Cincinnati Reds.

[Duncan Trussell]

Pull up a picture of Pete Rose. It's true, though.

[Robert Kelly]

It's nice. Where is he?

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go, right there. Not that one. That's. That. That one.

[Robert Kelly]

So, dude, I don't know who she is. I don't know the progression of, you know, the present. But. And she. But she. I remember she would sit there and she would. I thought she was English for some reason, because the way she would talk, you know, like how sophisticated women. She would. She would just be looking this way and then turn to you go, so, Robert, where are you from? You know, And I was like. And I'm Just like, I'm from Medford. You know what I mean? Massachusetts, right outside of Boston. I'm trying not to swear. And then I get up and I speak in front of all of them. It's, it's, it's on. I was on C Span. I still have the tape.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm. I'm killing. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

You're getting laughs, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

It was probably the first or second time I've gotten laughs where I was like, oh, my God, this is the greatest thing ever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I think one of the laughs was like, I'm just trying not to swear, you know, And I gotta laugh from. Because not knowing that all these people are garbage pieces of shit. They swear.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you know, the stuff that they do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

But I remember, I realized that night that. That. That.

[Duncan Trussell]

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[Robert Kelly]

Our government. People think Hollywood is just disgusting and crazy. It's not. It's politician. The. The government is 20 times worse. Oh, yeah, because I remember every single senator and congresswoman would walk up to her and kiss the ring. I remember she sat there and they all lined up and they'd come over to the table and they'd be like, how you doing? You know Jesse Waters. Jesse Waters, nice to meet you. Jesse Waters. Nice to meet you. Jesse Waters. Nice to meet you. Hi. How you doing, Mrs. Reno? Oh, yeah. Okay, great. And they would line up and they'd all do the same thing. How you doing? How you doing? Hi. Hi, how are you? And they'd give their name and what they were and. And they'd shake my hand and shake. And then they go right to her and just be like, oh, nobody hates each other. It's all. Yeah, it's all power. Yeah, it's all power.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And it's all about kissing ass and people liking you and being in the right clique and knowing this person to get this and knowing that person to get that for that one.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I just sat there like, wow, these people are all phonies.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what that reminds me of, though, man? That structure you're talking about there. I can remember when I came to the Comedy Store.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I didn't want to be a comic. I was. I went there, I needed. I ran out of money. I just needed a job. Got a job. And so. And I think Mitzi hired me because I'd come out of college and I didn't want to be a comic. And she just thought that was interesting and weird. So I ended up becoming the talent coordinator of the Comedy Store. And I got to be around Mitzi and I witnessed comics bowing to her. Like, for real. Like, you know, was it ass kissing? I mean, yeah, but it was more than that. It was this deep reverence, you know? But I saw that weird pyramid shaped culty power structure. I'd never seen that before. That's what it reminds me of. I'm sure you see that at the Cellar.

[Robert Kelly]

It's in every of Course. But it's. It's funny that you have no control over it, which is weird. People, like. It's like people bitch about, like, I'm trying to get in here, and then they hate the person who runs because they didn't get into the club or they can't get into the club. But if they do get into the club, then they love the person.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right, right, right.

[Robert Kelly]

And if they get. They get out of the club, they hate them again. Like, I. Like, I remember going, the Comic Strip was the club. The Cellar was garbage when I moved to New York.

[Duncan Trussell]

No shit, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody went to the Cellar. They used to have people barking. They had one show from nine to two. What, they would make the waitstaff sit in front.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, can I tell you something? I am terrified of the fucking comedy seller. I've been there once, walked in like, you know, like, I got to sit at the comic sale. Wasn't the day. And even that felt wrong. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you're steeped in, like, the rules. It's formal, and I think it's not all bad, necessarily. You know, that's good that it's there, but, you know, I know what you're talking about, man. Like, that anger comics get over not getting into a place. What does it even do for you?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, like, when I went to the Cellar, I was at the Boston Comedy Club, which was the. You know, was the kind of punk rock club, and then the Cellar, and then I would try to get at the Strip, which was, you know, the Strip. Caroline's Gotham. Yeah, those were the clubs. And I remember auditioning for the Strip twice, killing, and then coming up to me going, you did good, but not right. We don't think we can use you. And I was like, good, that's cool. I went to the Gotham. I killed the guy. Was like, send me a tape. I was like, okay. And as I'm walking away, the girl I was just goes, are you sending a tape? I go, no, he just saw. What, does he need a tape? No, but, I mean, I never hated the guy for it. Because I'm not your thing, right? I'm not your thing. I'm in at two clubs. I'm fine. It just so happened that the club that I like, that was not the top club at the time, was one of the bottom clubs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Became the Motherfucker.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, right.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, the store became the Motherfucker again.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's like, you know, caroline's is closed. The Strip is gone. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So if I invested all that shit into something that wasn't mine, Right? And hated people, hated loot. Lucian the fucking Dracula, he was. Guy lost fingers. He would show up with a glove on with, like, missing fingers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I talked to him. What was his name? Lucian Holland.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I talked to him when I was the talent coordinator. For some reason, Mitzi. I think she was friends with him or something. And a couple times on the phone, I talked to him, and it was like a vampire. Like, his voice was so strange. I had no idea.

[Robert Kelly]

Hello, Robert.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you're not. We have. We have a lot of white comics here. Well, I do a lot of stuff about me looking Puerto Rican. Well, we have Puerto Ricans, too. All right, dude. I just was like, I did. I'll see you. I won't see you tomorrow day, but I'll see you tomorrow night.

[Duncan Trussell]

But the eccentricity of the people.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on real quick. Look that up. Nope.

[Duncan Trussell]

The people who run these clubs are weird. Thanks. That's it. They're just weird. Like, something about having that much power in such a microcosm, it. I don't know if they started weird. It shifts, you know?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's weird. But here's the thing. Like, Patrice used to say something that made the most sense to me. He used to say, what's good for you is good, and what's good for them is good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, Mitzi.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I. When I lived in LA for two years, worst two years of my life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Was it? Yeah. That's a tough transition. The New York to LA transitions if you aren't working.

[Robert Kelly]

If.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And plus, I was in that vibe of, like. If you said something stupid, I'd be like, what are you a. You can't do that in la.

[Duncan Trussell]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't. Like, I remember one night, some guy was like, hey, man, do I know you? I go, you met me six times. I'm not playing this game.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he was like, what? And everybody was mad at me. Y. I'm like, this guy. I'm telling the truth about this phony piece of. And everybody's like, oh, my God, you're rude. I was like, go, you mother.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, we were just talking about this, man. We were just talking about how there's there. You know, there's all these clicks in comedy, but there. There's some of the clicks. Understand that if a comic says off to you, that doesn't mean much. It's just. You know what I mean? Whatever. You're not going to. You're not going to Think about it a few seconds after they say it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

But then there's other clicks.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Where you can offend someone for the rest of your life, they will hate you. And it's a. It's a completely different type of comic, I think. I don't know what the fuck that is, but you're either one or the other. And.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, It's. It's. Yeah, L.A. at the time. Now I can go there, but at the time, like, I was working the clubs, the improv, The Laugh Factory.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I remember going to the Comedy Store and be like, this is the. This reminded me of New York.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang the. The darkness of it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I love. I love a comedy club that has a strip club vibe.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, if you walk in at night, you're like, this is magic. And if you came in during the day, be like, this is a hole.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's what I love about a rat dying. The wall. Can we get it out? I wish every summer. Every summer a rat, or more than one would die in the wall and rot in the. In the. In the original room. The smell, just a light, subtle smell of like a filthy vagina would fill up the room. And there was nothing you could do.

[Robert Kelly]

But it was a filthy vagina. Sam Kinison and Pryor killed a hooker.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. People were murdered there, too, because, you know, it was run by the mob. It was zero, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I was at the time. Same. The Cellar one night do. It was like the. I always had to do the last spot. Like a two something, you know, we'd always go late. And I remember I'm on stage, there's like 12 people there, and I remember some. Just some type of black, brownish tar dripped out of the ceiling onto my head. I remember looking at the lady in the front and I went, that's the type of club I like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Me too.

[Robert Kelly]

You know?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's what you want, man. You want ectoplasm, fucking paranormal gloop dripping down on you. That's what I like too, man. And that's the vibe I got from the Cellar. Dude, I wanted to ask you because you're Catholic. My wife's Catholic and I go to Mass. I love it. I actually like going to Mass. My kids are baptized. They're all Catholics. But what are your thoughts on this drama happening in the Catholic Church right now? You know about this?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I mean schism.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know about this? What's happening?

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's why. First of all, this is why when you asked me to do this. I was hoping that you bring up a word like schism.

[Duncan Trussell]

I just learned it. I just learned it. I thank you. I love you, too. But, dude, pull up Catholic schism. So for the first time in a long time, the Pope excommunicated a bunch of people because it's basically so. Yeah, pull up the News Society of St. Pius X clergy excommunicated. So St. Pius X basically, like, you know, Vatican II, they, they made, they sort of made the mass more formal. Right. It went from Latin. That you know more than I do.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't, but I don't go to, I don't go to church as much anymore. I pray every day and I do a lot of, I do a lot of meditation, manifestation.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I pray every day to God. But I, I'm actually talking to my son right now about starting to go back to church on Sundays. I think we're going to start this summer up in New Hampshire. So I, I, I, I don't know a lot. So you, you tell me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I'm, I'm just learning all this stuff right now. A lot of the stuff I learn about Catholicism is from offending my wife. So basically, it's really fascinating, this group of Catholics, they think that the Vatican II or the new way of doing mass is wrong, it's heretical, and so they are doing Mass the old way, which is Latin. You don't look at the clergy. You face the cross. It's very formal, very intense. It's like super fundamentalist Catholicism. But the problem is you need bishops. Right. And because there's this already, like, tension between the new way and the old way, I guess the Catholic Church was not giving them new bishops, meaning that you need bishops to run the show. Right. And so they fall, created their own bishops. And so you can't do that. It's called a schism. It's a schism has happened, and it's intense because this is how you get offshoots of Catholicism. I don't know if this is how you got. I think a king made the Episcopalian Church, which used to be Catholic, but it's a really dramatic, weird, intense thing. Cause on one level, it's just. So we're in modern times.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I know, right.

[Duncan Trussell]

And this crazy shit's happening. But on another level, there's a lot of people who say that the modern Catholic Church has gone astray, it's become too liberal.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, I, this is why I, this is, I like when you, this is the, the rules shit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? I mean, like, I'm sober, and when I got sober, the only thing they told me is you need to find a God of your understanding.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I think God, right, is a. A moral compass. And I think that people, children especially, are being brought up without a moral compass. It's all about me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all about them. And they don't know. They don't understand right from wrong. They don't understand their intuition, their soul. They don't understand there's something in you, right. That knows what's right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And, you know, I ever walk down the street and see somebody and want to give them money. Didn't ask for it, just want to give them money. You ever have somebody behind you, you just want to pay for them?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just. It's in you, right? You're like, should I pay for this person stuff? And then something goes out. Just come on. You got to go. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I say do it. Yeah. Because that's the thing in you. That's that moral compass. That's that spirituality. Right. That's the fucking universe. That's whatever makes people good. Good. Right. And I think we all have it in us, but I think we. What we do now is we bring kids up to worship fame, like, money, success, which is, I think, is great. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

If you got, like, some type of thing in you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Moral compass. So when. When I think of church or God, I'll go to. I can go to any church because I can, like. Hey, you can get what you. You just have to get what you need.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And forget the rest.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So, I mean, if. If I went to church and there was. I had to learn Latin. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go yourself.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. I'm not. I don't. I'm not doing it. But if I can go to church.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you can say some cool shit, and I might hear something that affects me that day.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I can quickly get that bread.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I can pray and say, hey, dude, forgive me for jerking off six times to what I jerked off to. And forgive me for taking. My wife's a twat. And forgive me for. For, you know, doing what? And you, like, you good. And I. I'm out. You know what I mean? I feel if. I feel like, for me, that's good.

[Duncan Trussell]

That. Yeah, totally. Like. Yeah. Don't throw the. Like, I think that you sort of have to act as, I don't know, a filter or something, you know, if you should be able to like go into a church and if there's stuff that they're saying that you absolutely oppose, it's against whatever. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

But probably they're going to say some things that you can take with you that are good.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's like I drove by a church and they had the gay flag out front. Yeah. And I was with something. They're like, what the fuck? I'm like, dude, as long as you're not making out and whipping your tits out and sucking each other off. As long as I don't care if you're gay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

But if your moral compass is similar to mine, come go to church.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I understand the Bible. Right. And there's certain things. And if that. You can find that church. Find the church that is, you know, that 1960s, 70s, Catholic. Sure. You know, we're all this.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's my grandmother. That's, you know, my whole family.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm fine with that too. But if there's a church and there's a gay flag out front, I can go in and get the same spiritual workout.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

If I listen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Now. Yes. Am I going to be bumped a little bit? You know, when the priest is a, is a chick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

With a double mastectomy, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And she, and she says, my girlfriend, I will be bumped. I'll be like, huh. You know what I mean? But I can move over it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I think this stuff has to evolve because. What? Even the church. What's the church about? Come on.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Moolah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah. Making cash.

[Robert Kelly]

It's money.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got to sell tickets, dude. You got to move tickets, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

It's no different than me this weekend at the mothership. Fourth of July weekend. Why?

[Duncan Trussell]

Why? Why? In Texas on the. Like you said, the 250th birthday.

[Robert Kelly]

My whole show is going to be purple haired chicks. They're gonna hate me.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, you know what's funny about that though? This is what's funny about that. This is sort of off topic, but you. Okay, you've seen all the waves of. You've seen so many different audiences. You've seen fashion change in the audiences, right. And there was a certain type of audience that at one point you would look at them and you'd be like, oh, fuck, this is gonna be tough, dude. And that would usually be the conservative audience, you know what I mean? You'd look at it and you're like, oh, these guys are fucking stupid squares. Jesus Christ. They're. I'm going to. They're just going to find me to be so offensive.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then it changed. Now you do the scan, you see the purple hairs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're like, oh, God damn it.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're going to be repulsed by me. Like the. I'm going to say. But it's the same. It's exactly the same thing in a different outfit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no, it's. It's. It's really true. I. I remember when the. I was in Nashville one time and I. I was doing jokes and they weren't laughing. I go, what are you guys, the Bible Belt? And the lady went, where the buckle? And I was like, oh. And now you go down there and they don't give a.

[Duncan Trussell]

They don't give a.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they don't care. But if I went to, you know, like a side. Weird club in LA off of some, you know, and. And I go up and start talking about my wife, well, that's misogynistic. So. Yeah. Yeah, we, we. It's. I think it's all cyclical, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's like.

[Robert Kelly]

Good word, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's a good word.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it just. It just. We. We just keep, you know, switching roles. Yeah, we just keep switching roles. Right. But I think as a comic, you should be able to go up in front of any crowd after anybody, absolutely anywhere.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And do good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I'm on this. This is. Okay, so in Buddhism, there is this. I don't know, it's sort of like slogans. It's called the lojong slogans. It's just. It's like shit to remind yourself of, to get you, like, back on the moral compass. Right. The one I always return to is drive all blames into oneself. Meaning it's your fucking fault. Whatever it is, it's your fault. Stop blaming shit around you. This is your fault. Now someone gets like, yeah, well, I'm getting, like stabbed on a fucking subway. How is that my fault? I. I don't know how to answer that question, but I do.

[Robert Kelly]

Get a car face. How's that? Work harder. Get a car. Thank you. You know what I mean? Don't take the subway at that time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, but with standup, I always refer to that. If I, like, you know what? If. If you're blaming a audience, I just see it. It's like, look, it's a wave, and I wasn't a good enough surfer to surf that wave. I got. I got rolled.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I know how to surf the wave. Yeah, I could have. There was a way. I didn't do it. And so, yeah, I know what you mean. Like, for sure. But also, you know, there is this. And also looking at an audience and shifting your fucking act around. That's fucked up, too. Don't. I don't do that. I don't do that. I just sort of, like, steel myself for, like. All right, I might not be able to, like. I might not be able to pull this one off.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But that's part of the gig is going up and having some person not like you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember the first time I spoke, my first year in sobriety. You have to speak, tell your story.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I went to this same meeting Tuesday night for a year. I went to the same. Every Tuesday night. I was, what, 16 and a half or 17? And I. I went to this meeting, and here I look at. Imagine me in front of all these old drunks, Right. No, I'm the youngest person by far.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm up there and I tell my story, and I captivate these losers, right? These drunks, these. You know, this. And I cap. Except one dude just. I could. He. I. It bothered me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, I saw him, like, getting up and getting coffee, huffing and puffing, and I was like, it. Me up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I went over to my sponsor. I'm like. He's like, kid. People were coming up. Oh, my God. Women were crying. Right? And then my sponsor was like, kid, that was great. Kid. He goes, yeah. I go, that fucking. One guy was fucking huffing and puffing and didn't even say anything to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he goes, yeah, dude, that's human nature. Not everybody likes you. Right, but that's comedy, too.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

We could be in front of a whole crowd of people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And everybody's dying.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And that one dumb face always in the front row. It's just. You're up there and it's like, what am I gonna do for you? You know what I mean? I need everyone to like me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, why do they sit in the front? Well, you know what I'm talking. I have noticed that. That being that you're talking about, I've. And I've, you know, run through my head with whatever that thing is.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I thought, are they vampires? Are they literal vampires? They come to fucking comedy shows, sit in the front and expressionless.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's just human nature that a room full of people, 100% of them, aren't gonna like you even if you sold every ticket in there.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Some dildo brought his dumb, goofy wife.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And she's just like, you know what I mean? I want to think. I don't like that. It's human. Not. It's just. It's art, man. It's. I hate saying that. That. Can you cut that? But what we're doing is creating, right? I know, but I hate it. But it's like, you know, you, it's just gonna happen. But what you can do what I do. I love doing this. When I'm. When I see, I'll just be blah, blah, blah, blah blah. He hates my guts. And I just move. I let him know that I know. You fucking piece of shit. I know you don't like me, but I don't give a fuck. I'm going to fucking acknowledge you dumb face. And, and then I swear to God, every once in a while he'll go, you know what I mean? As a comic, you won, you won. But it's not going to always work, right. And you know, I just work Long Island. I was in Long island, which is a fucking. Another animal of human being. Love them to death.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The best. Some of the best comedy fans in the world. But, but bro. Two smoking hot middle aged Italian. I mean smoking hot. And they loved me and hated me the whole show. They would be like, no, that's not true. And then they walked out on my last joke. Walked out because I said something about 50 year old vaginas talking about my wife's dream dried up 50 year old vagina. And she, I go, you leaving? She goes yeah, because. And then I was like, that's not sure about what, you got offended or whatever. And I was just like. And then she gave me the finger. That's. That's the, that's the woman comeback.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Oh no.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, off. And I was just like good, go yourself. You know. And it's just I. It's just every. Look at that room. They should all love me. They should. I'm Italian. Irish.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm talking. I said what? They fucking. They just didn't like me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

From the get go. Right before I said a word, they looked at me and went blurgh. Because I remind them of some dude that finger popped them in the car and never called them back.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

Some, you know, I. This something.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's just.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the way it is.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's the way it is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the way it is. And you gotta just fuck. You gotta deal with it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But. And, and you're gonna be up at the end. You're gonna. As soon as you get off that one. I know that you want to Go to the. You want to go. This is the worst. When you go to the middle of the feature or the feature now. They want to be called features. Middlers. You're in the middle. Stop it with your exotic, say, the easiest spot of the night. You son of a bastard.

[Duncan Trussell]

15, 20 minutes, you're out.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I sell merch? No, you shouldn't have merch. Should have jokes. But, yeah, you want to go up to them after, like, dude, that lady in the front, it's the worst when they go, oh, she was great. She loved me. Oh, off yourself, you.

[Duncan Trussell]

I didn't notice anything. They were wonderful. Wonderful.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate it. I hate when they walk off. How. And you know, they did. Okay. Mediocre. How are they great? Were they. Yeah, because I was listening.

[Duncan Trussell]

They were great. Okay, I want to show you something. And like, you know, I. Usually on the podcast, I don't get into this shit much, but today the algorithm gave me just this.

[Robert Kelly]

You talk to the algorithm?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I know you. I want to talk about your AI, because I know you have. What's your AI's name? It's. Hold on a second. Frankie.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I'm. I've. I've. Me and Frankie broke up.

[Duncan Trussell]

We'll get to that. Okay, I want to show you this. I just want to know your thoughts on this. This is from Vulture. And these two people have been disappointed by Louis CK's latest special. I just want to hear your thoughts on this. Go ahead and play it, Josh. Audio working. Josh. Oh, wait, so they are not cool outsiders anymore. Also, like, people are saying the word start from the top. All right, so you watch.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, stop, stop. Okay, okay. First. Okay, listen, I. I don't. The. The f. Their faces. I know. Okay? I know when I can. When I know your opinion by your face. Okay, go ahead.

[Duncan Trussell]

Go ahead, roll this. This is what I was thinking about. Cancel culture was the best thing that ever happened to comedy, and specifically, the best thing that happened for a certain subset of sort of edgy, transgressive comedians 10 years ago. Cancel culture, whatever it was, emerges as a thing for comedians to point to and be like, what I'm doing actually on stage is dangerous. I'm cool. I'm an outsider for doing it. It would evoke the specter of cancel culture.

[Robert Kelly]

If I was an artist and you commissioned me. If I was a sculptor.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you said. Or a painter. And you said, I need you. I want you to sculpt me a face that has never laughed or known funny, Has never, ever, ever had joy ever. Ever. I would sculpt her face.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I would put. I would. I would have a. I would have that face. And I'd present it to you. And that face would be the face. And I'd take off the. The thing. I'd take it off. You'd be like, perfect, Perfect.

[Duncan Trussell]

A masterpiece in misery. Keep playing this. Josh, can you start to sort of like, bring comedic tension and energy to what otherwise would be kind of lazy joke writing where you, like, don't have a punchline. You can say a slur, and then the audience will still make a noise anyway. But now, and this is a good example of it, they are on Netflix. They are doing brand deals. They're doing super bowl commercials. So they are not cool outsiders anymore. Also, like, people are saying the R word everywhere. So you watched parts of this special and you watch all of it.

[Robert Kelly]

She's gonna ruin my show.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry. And it just, like, does not really have comedic tension or energy. And it is just so boring.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And the feeling of watching. Is he. Okay, that's good.

[Robert Kelly]

That's good to you?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't think this conversation is boring to me, right? Listen, man, these people. This. But this is it. Yeah, this is good. Yeah. We want. You guys don't get it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That. You're making people. You're driving people. You're driving people over. This is the point. You can do this. Go ahead, do it. You're going to drive the majority of people. Now, look, whatever your world is, man of man. Them. Whatever. I don't know what the. What that. What. What. What was that? That was a girl.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

There's a lot of things. Things you can do if you want to get healthy. You can start slurping back vitamins. You could make friends with some kind of transhumanist scientist and start injecting some kind of stem cell plasma into your undergunt. Or you could go straight to the fountain of youth. Sleep. Really look it up. Don't trust this old withered man. Just look it up. If you want to feel better, if you want to get healthy, you could be chugging all the vitamin juice and snorting big fat rails of some kind of rejuvenatory vitamin E powder. I don't even know if rejuvenatory is a word, but you know what I mean. But if you're not getting enough sleep, forget it. None of that stuff matters. Sleep is the key. Not only that, really good sleep means really good dreams. And really good dreams means that you could potentially learn how to Astrally project and visit secret sites within the hollow Earth. You're not going to get there on a rotten mattress. Which is why you should try out Brooklyn Bedding. Oh my God. Brooklyn Bedding is offering humanity a gift during this super hot summer as all of us swelter under the heat.

[Robert Kelly]

Bull.

[Duncan Trussell]

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[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, you're to you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

By having, by having these conversations, you're just driving more people right over to check them out. Here the one of the greatest clips of all time if you want to see how comedy works. Yeah. If you want to deal with all this.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Cuz they, they love to philosophize.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yes.

[Robert Kelly]

They love to break it down. They love to. What? What? This is joke writing and boring and they just say a slur and that's unintelligent.

[Duncan Trussell]

The audience makes a noise.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they make a noise. What?

[Duncan Trussell]

A slur noise.

[Robert Kelly]

If you watch Patrice o' Neal on, on, on Fox News, he did a, he did a. I think a. I, I. It might have been a battered woman's show where they're raising money, which you don't hire. Patrice, Nick Deo and Greg Geraldo wild.

[Duncan Trussell]

They hired him for that.

[Robert Kelly]

He did a joke where he got in a lot of trouble. And they posted in the news where he. He did a joke where he said white boys things. They have this thing where they call it the angry pirate. And so he got in trouble for this joke and he's on Fox News.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean, the angry part? Okay, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

So he's on Fox News defending comedy, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And this lady like that who doesn't know funny isn't in the funny where. In the funny world.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This is what we. She's in this world, right? Talking, philosophizing, debating.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Words, periods, commas, semicolons.

[Duncan Trussell]

She's in.

[Robert Kelly]

That's her world. I would never enter that world.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never go in there. But she's. You're an art. This is our. He's like, this is my thing. And he's looking at. She's not an expert. And funny. I'm on fire. He goes, I'm on Fox News. You brought me here because I'm the expert on funny, right? And. And. And he goes, yeah, she doesn't know what she does. She told the joke. She goes, she told it wrong. Didn't get a laugh. She told it very. And you know, just hit the. He goes, now what it is, is when you ejaculate in a girl's eye, kick her in the shin, and then she hops around on one leg going, argh. All camera guys laughed. And he went, see? And he point. He goes, yeah. You don't know. Funny, right? You know what I mean? Everybody laughed. Why they shouldn't have. You're working for this company. You're not supposed to laugh. Couldn't control it because the way he delivered it, who was saying it, how he said it and what he said, it's not. It's not just what you say. It's not just the. The. The. The intellect of the conversation, right? It's who's saying it, right? Their voice, their tempo, the. It's the. It's the whole band face, right? That thing is saying that thing at that moment in that way about that subject. That's what makes it funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right?

[Robert Kelly]

I couldn't have said that joke, right. It would have came out and been hack on me. Yeah, but Patrice could, right? Louis. I know. They're talking about Louis. They talk about Shane.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. No, they're talking about Hinchcliffe and Louis ck.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. I just watched Louis special for the second time last night.

[Duncan Trussell]

I haven't seen it yet. It's of course it's great.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's called ridiculous. He named it ridiculous because it's just ridiculous.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? He's saying ridiculous shit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's Louis.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. And it's outrageous and hilarious and wrong. He's saying a lot of wrong.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And that. That's comedy. Right foot. And people. A whole theater's laughing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Me and my wife were cracking up last night.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Just not because we know Louis. Like, we're cracking up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because. So it's. It's not for you. So. But this is what they do. They Wrong. They say. They. They blanket it. Like it's not. It's. It's not funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

At all.

[Duncan Trussell]

At all.

[Robert Kelly]

It's over when. So you can go the Mona Lisa. Right. I went and saw. I went to the Vatican and I saw my. The Sistine Chapel. I looked up. It was cool. There's another wall that you don't see, right? Yeah, that he did. It's on. It's like, not the ceiling. It's the wall that blew me the fuck away. I was like that. I was like, that's great. That's cool. What's that? Did he do that? He's like, oh, he did that. I was like, right. You understand, right. It hits everybody differently, right? Does it? Do I say the 16 Chapel sucks?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right? No, actually, you're not like, oh, what a fucking hack. Look at this. What was he trying to do? Look at this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Isn't edgy anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And, you know, to me, the other thing that seems to get me missed in this style of critiquing comedy is you're not just critiquing the comic. You're implicitly making a judgment on all the audiences that love that comic. And in that way, you're basically saying, this world that I'm in, it's the wrong world for me. These people, they don't feel like they belong here. That's the. The assessment. Like, you're pissed. Like, look, maybe Tony Hinchcliffe's comedy isn't for you. Maybe Louis CK's comedy isn't for you. Those guys are selling out theaters, arenas. So in your judgment and critique of them, you're also essentially judging the whole human species as having gone astray. Almost like we. We need to put people in camps, educate them on what's funny so that they stop laughing at things we think you shouldn't laugh at. It's really fucked up. If you look at it from that

[Robert Kelly]

perspective, I think it's great. I think they should do more of these. Because it's just gonna. Someone's gonna go, who? Shane Gillis? Don't let me go check. And they're gonna go, you're just driving more. Because the majority of us have, I think have. If it's funny, it gets you. If it's not funny, it doesn't get.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

It has nothing to do with these two twats.

[Duncan Trussell]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Who have literally uniforms. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. The glasses.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just like, come on, guys.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, they're getting destroyed. If you, you know, in the comments, everybody's just like, what the Again.

[Robert Kelly]

But they want that.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's rage.

[Robert Kelly]

They want. This is what sucks you. You know what I. I started doing. And this is going to be. Blow you away. It's going to sound. This, this is going to sound the dumbest thing in the world.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can't wait.

[Robert Kelly]

I started reading.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the. Did you get that clip? That clip that. That's big.

[Robert Kelly]

And okay, so I'm on my phone at night and I will go to Instagram and I will go to Facebook and I will go to YouTube.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't really go to export. And I, I. Because my brain is, you know, ADHD and I have all this and you know, I'm curious and I'll just go and go and go and go and go. And I'll hate and I love and I'll be mad and I'll read stuff and I go through all this twisted up and I'll be. And I won't be able to go to sleep because my brain is just. Three. I'll look, it's three in the morning. I gotta get up at six.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm like, yeah, am I? And I, I have all these emotions and I, it's. I go crazy inside, you know, and then, and then like last night and the night before, I. I read and I read. Maybe last night I read maybe five pages of what Empire of the Summer Moon. I'm reading.

[Duncan Trussell]

Cool.

[Robert Kelly]

About the Comanche Indians. Yes. Right. It's a. The book is 9 million pages long.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Every time I look down at the percentage, I'm like. But anyways, I just reading it about Ann Parker's son and he became, you know, he's like a half breed that became one of the greatest Comanche chiefs ever. Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Heard it's a great book.

[Robert Kelly]

It's phenomenal. And I'm reading that five pages and I'm done. My brain shuts down. And then you know what I did? I dreamed the Last two nights, I had vivid dreams. I had these crazy dreams and I slept and I woke up in the morning. Felt. It felt good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And my creativity. My brain was going. Yeah, my. I was thinking of stuff and it was like. I was. My. I. I could. I had more control. It was. It's.

[Duncan Trussell]

It clears your mind. Your mind's clearer if you read. Versus letting the algorithm juice your amygdala and spraying cortisol all over your body.

[Robert Kelly]

And that's what this is.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's what it is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. If I had seen this last night instead of reading.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have been like this. And I would have went into the comments and like. Oh, fucking. And then I would have went a scroll. And there would have been something else.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

And something. And then something else. And then I would have been on to fucking, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, some guy hiking in Switzerland. And then I would have went to some guy building a boat out of fudgeing bottles.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I would have went to some twat hating this person. And.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just. It's. It's. I don't think it's for me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it's satanic. I mean, like, it's like, what? What, like me? Trust? Truly, like, if. If there is. And these days, I really do veer towards, like, you know, you can name it whatever you want, but there is a fucking energy in the universe that, once you tune into that, it will fuck your life up. And if that energy could invent some kind of technology, it would be social media, it would be the algorithm, it would be. How do I just, like, sit. Send constant blasts of a message which again and again and again and again says, your entire civilization sucks. Your species is useless. Everything's meaningless.

[Robert Kelly]

What sucks about it is this. Is that the kid? Like, I'm 55 going on 56. I have the ability to know that I don't have much time left.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I have 25 summers left.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't wanna. I am trying my hardest not to waste it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And it sucks for kids because they. They will not have that perspective until they're. You don't have the time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

You just don't have the time anymore.

[Duncan Trussell]

Anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. So it's like, I'm. I have a son, I have a wife, I have a family, I have a minute. I have a very small amount of time left in life. So when I. And I'm not saying I don't. I do. You know, you get into it, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it does feed that thing. But it's like if. If these kids aren't. They're not gonna. You need death to wake you the up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And give you empathy. Yeah. And give you perspective.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the sucky part of life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is you need. You know, people always change their lives when something tragic happens.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

When they real. And when you have all the time in the world and you're safe from everything is when you. You don't have that perspective.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You're a. I call it. You're a temporal trust fund kid. Yeah. You think you've got all these years in the bank and you're, you know, you don't understand how even if you do, which by the way, it's a huge assumption that you're going to live to your lifespan. That's fucking nuts. You really think you're lived your lifespan? People who think that's like, look around you. Look at like the people just dropping dead. Look at that dude. What was his name? Oliver.

[Robert Kelly]

You say Twist.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Oh, you know, look at Oliver Twist. Oliver tree. Oliver. Oliver tree. You know, this guy's at the top of his game. He's like, he's. He's like this brilliant, like crazy musician. Rides a helicopter in Brazil, collides with another helicopter.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's what's. Here's what sucks about it though, for us because we're comic. We're comics and podcasters. Yeah. We have to watch this.

[Duncan Trussell]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, we have, we have to watch it. We have because we're gonna. Someone's gonna bring it up. Someone's gonna talk about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I do the bonfire with Big J Okerson.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

One of the funniest human beings on the planet.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fast as lightning.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

Funny as. I mean, I. I don't. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes how he could watch something and brilliantly just say something hilarious. So it's like, it's hard for me sometimes because I have. I'm on this. I'm like when I was younger and I was just a comic and I would want to do shows and, you know, and then all of a sudden I have this son and a family and the thing I always wanted, I. You know, and I have this beautiful thing and I want to experience this.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Totally.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you go on these podcasts and we have to watch this. We have to be able to be. We have to be funny about this. We have to be able to be mean and funny and vicious and say crazy really fast. You know, so it's, like, sucks for us because I feel like in some way, we can ne the only way to get really healthy and live that type of life, you know, that. That, oh, my God, you feel beautiful every day. We don't get that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, I'm gonna push back on that one. I'm gonna push back on that one. Number one. You are so fucking funny. You are so brilliant, and you're so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

But clip that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Cut that. But what. You also have this thing. This is what. Actually, Mitzi. Mitzi could see this in comics. So, like, I. I would. I. I got to sit with her. I got to watch these comics showcase for her.

[Robert Kelly]

And.

[Duncan Trussell]

And she would pass them, and I'd be like, what the. Like, that guy's not funny at all. Sebastian Maniscolco, selling out Madison Square. Like, you know, I'm just some. I don't know anything about comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean? Yeah, I.

[Duncan Trussell]

In. He was, you know, know.

[Robert Kelly]

This is.

[Duncan Trussell]

Again, not that Sebastian watches my podcast, but, like, he.

[Robert Kelly]

He does. He called me this morning. He's like, dude, tell him. My big fan.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's funny. But in those days, I couldn't see that shit. She could see through the jokes, the early phase jokes, into, like, what you are.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Which is you're just funny atomically funny. You couldn't not be funny. I'm not saying that. Sometimes you're not funny. What? You're made, like, the clay you're made out of is funny fucking clay. So you have this idea. I've got to be more like, I gotta be quicker. Like, you know, Big J. Or. I remember when I met fucking Zach Galifianakis.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

That motherfucker. Everything he said was the funniest thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I remember, like, thinking, oh, well, I don't. It's not fair. I don't have that brain.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I, I. But here's the thing, though. I. For me to. I. You can't be. I couldn't. Like, I could never be like Louis or Patrice or Norton.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I don't have a problem with it at all. I know. Because what I have, too, that other people. I have vulnerability.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I can expose myself and in a way that people can make fun of, and I'm okay with that. So everybody has their own little things that they do.

[Duncan Trussell]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I can. I'm fast, I can say. But I, like, I look at guys like that, and, like, he can, like, I love that he can watch. He can go into Reddit and read stuff and it doesn't affect him. I love this. Certain people. Yeah. Immune. Like, that's a. That's like a superhero power.

[Duncan Trussell]

It is.

[Robert Kelly]

We all have different superhero powers, right? I don't. I've never been to. I don't want to go there because I'm a psycho. You understand? I'm fucking mentally ill. I will fucking find you. I will go and find you. I've had visions of being a vigilante. You know what I mean? Where other comics hire me. And I have a. I have the outfit. I know the outfit, too. It's a black hoodie, but there's a piece that comes up over my face, and I wear certain glasses that you. I can see through. And I show up and I'm like, hey, did you. Are you. Are you 9724 on X? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I. I just carve, like, Sufi on their forehead, and. You know what I mean? And I just. Don't ever talk about Dane Cook again. Yeah, but I don't know, man. It's. It's. I'm saying that it. It. It sucks that in a way, like, you talking about spirituality, you're talking about being healthy, moral compass. But comics. We have to ride the line. I should say.

[Duncan Trussell]

I got you. No, I. What?

[Robert Kelly]

We have to ride that line.

[Duncan Trussell]

The reason. The pushback that I wanted to make was that I. Number one, I have four kids, and I experience what you're experiencing.

[Robert Kelly]

I have one. Okay. I'm sorry. I have more. I didn't know. I'm not married to a Catholic. She's a dirty pollock. Okay. 1. And she was like, I'm never doing this again. My vagina hurts too much.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm not. It doesn't. I'm saying when you're a father, when you have kids. Yeah. You experience a kind of primordial reality, which is the most beautiful thing there is. It's. There's nothing like it. There's. There's nothing like it, and there can't be anything like it. And you just want to bask in that. You want to be in that. You want to.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's.

[Duncan Trussell]

You want to live in this kind of Garden of Eden utopia with your family. Not that it's all good. It's chaos of ut. Just want to be there. You have to go on the road as a comic. We're doing podcasts. You're actually. You started your podcast in 2010. You're one of the pioneers of this shit.

[Robert Kelly]

I am.

[Duncan Trussell]

And. And.

[Robert Kelly]

And so one of the least successful by the way I have a Ford Ranger.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's nice. I shop at Costco. I do, too. But. But you do experience something that, as cliche as it sounds, say, money can't buy this. There's nothing on earth that you would do anything for these people, and it's the most beautiful thing. And then you've got to go and do what we do. And so you do sort of experience this. Obviously, you enter into a completely different realm. It's a completely different realm, and it feels sometimes antithetical to that experience. And so some guilt starts emerging or a sense of, like, what the fuck? You start feeling ripped in half.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

By this. I know, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Yeah, you feel ripped in half.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And again, first of all, I think funny always wins. Right? Always has to win.

[Duncan Trussell]

Always.

[Robert Kelly]

Always has to win. But it's. It's again, it's like, that's your, like, that's my comedy thing right now. Like, when I was in my 20s and third early 30s, I was a fucking maniac, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It was all about going to the club, hanging shows, killing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fucking chicks.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Make busting balls.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

For years.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you. Then you get married. Right. And then it's all about comedy clubs killing pussy. No, I'm kidding. But then when you do have that kid, something changes. Right Now, I, like, so, like, I had to. It was weird because I wanted to have, like, I had to make choices that weren't good for my career.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But were good for me. Right. I had to make choices that. Okay. July and August, I don't do shows. I'm doing two shows this whole summer. This show at the mothership on July 4th weekend. Why? But, no, I love this club. Nobody's showing. But, but, and then I'm doing one other show. I take the summer off and I spend it with my family. Right. I'll do the bonfire on my podcasts, because those are easy to do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And then I spend the rest of the week with my family in New Hampshire. We have a little tiny house, which I got for you. Know what I mean? Because I got a tiny house instead of a mansion on a lake.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean you got for.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing's ever good enough for anybody. But it's. Again, funny wins.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Make fun of it, dude. I love it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I get cracked all the time. You're going up to your hut in New Hampshire. Hilarious. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right?

[Robert Kelly]

And I, I, I go up there, we have dinner, we have breakfast, we hike, we fish. Beautiful. We. You know what I Mean, so it's like we have campfires while all my friends are gigging and working it and grinding it. It and just sharpening that blade. Y. I'm letting my blade get dull a little bit. I'm a little rusty. I didn't oil it. I just put it back in the sheath. I go to cut a rope and I'm like, you know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I made that choice for now.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Where it's like for. I wanted to be around. I wanted to experience dinner at 5.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I wanted to sit down at a table and talk. Yeah, man, I want to. So I made these choices. I could have been like, I'm gone every weekend.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Dad's not around Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'm doing podcasts and radio shows. I'll be home at 8. You can spend time and then I'm not going to see your lacrosse games. I'm not going to fish with you. I'm not going to be around. You can do all. I just chose not to do that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I knew it. I know what I did. So it's fine because I can always. I know there's going to be a point very soon. He's 13. He's going to not want to be with me. He's. He's already talking about. I don't. Do we have to go to New Hampshire all summer? It's common where he's going to want nothing and I will go back and out like a samurai and I'll. I'll spend months just sharpening my blade. Going back to the clubs Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, working, doing my shit and going back. I can always go back to it and do it, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you made a mistake. Because you know what they say, like the majority of comics say on their deathbed, right?

[Robert Kelly]

What do they say?

[Duncan Trussell]

Should have done more shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, nobody fucking says that. Nobody's like, I wish I. I wish I'd been in more grimy rooms away from my fucking family. Why did I spend so much time with you assholes?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, here's the thing is I realized. You know what I realized, Duncan? I was always chasing success, right? I was always like, oh, dude, I gotta get there. I was always doing that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I re. I. I realized when I had my kid and I. I remember I was. Came home one day and I pulled up into my driveway, my driveway that I just had repaved nice and a little small house was a. Was it a. I think A three bedroom bungalow, no basement. In Westchester.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

New York. Right. Not in the best. You know best, but Westchester, sure. And I looked at my wife's Honda Civic and I had my Ford Ranger and. Or I had a Ford Edge at the time. And I. Brent. I pulled up and I got out of my car and I looked in the window. My kid was on the couch and my wife was cooking dinner and I. I looked in the backyard and there was a picnic to. The table out back was set. We're gonna eat outside at night. And I was like, I did. I made it. Yeah, I made. I already made. I made it years ago. Yeah, I made it. I pay my bills with dick jokes. I pay my taxes with dick joke. My kid is clothed and housed and wife. And we have. I did it. It's all relative.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'm in a Ford Ranger, you're in a five hundred thousand dollar Rolls Royce. We're still getting to the same place.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

You're in a mansion. I'm in a house in upstate New York. Right. With a bat. It's the same. We have ac. We. It's all relative. Right. I made it. I'm happy for sure. Pay my bills. You know what I mean? But there is always that thing, you know, in this business where it's like, boy, would it be nice to go to an ATM and not hide my balance from the people behind me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. It's true, man. This is. The human mind is an expert at taking in this. Again, Like, I think I was just talking on Theo's podcast, talking about this, about Satan, but truly, this is the satanic whisper, which is. You know what I mean? And that's if there were some dark malevolent entity.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

It would. When you're looking at your kid, healthy, sheltered food, it would be like, oh,

[Robert Kelly]

but you know, it's ego.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's ego.

[Robert Kelly]

Ego. I think ego is. If you're talking about, like, people think there's this guy with horns.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's red.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I think you are Satan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I think you are Satan and your God. Yeah. You know, it's. It's. It's in your head.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Your ego is the thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That will. You know. But it's weird because we need. It's not ego. We need confidence, which kind of can be fused with ego. Sure. To get up on stage in front of a room full of people that may know you may not and make them feel one of the hardest feelings the world to feel.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Every 30 seconds for an hour.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like, how do you not. How do you. How do you. And then when you say good night and they.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow. Yeah. You know, that's never happened to me. That would be amazing.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you got to deal with these twats telling you you're hack, you're boring, you're bad. So you're dealing with all these things in your head. Is that hack? Is that. Yeah, I did that joke again. Who get. Listen to me. You know what? You know people that I love. The people that don't give a.

[Duncan Trussell]

Me too.

[Robert Kelly]

Love that. I love people that don't give. I wish I. I get spurts of it, like, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I love people like, give a. It's amazing because I. I know. We all do. Yeah, we all do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Even the. That I don't give a. They do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh. Quite often. They give a The most.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. I love when people like. I don't look at this and then you. All of a sudden they're like, hey, did what's his name say something? How'd you know? Because.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, you don't look at that. You're oblivious to that stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. It's, you know, it's. It's the. I think the ego is the. It's like. Like all the books I've read. It's like that ego thing is the same Satan. That's the. That's the real devil that. Your. Your own ego can you up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And make you. It will make you cheat, it will make you lie, it will make you hurt people, make you say up things.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's embarrassing.

[Robert Kelly]

It's embarrassing. And you know that. What is it that I hate? You know, not the alcoholic drug hangover. The emotional hangover.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean?

[Robert Kelly]

When you wake up the next day and you're like, fuck,

[Duncan Trussell]

I got so many kids. Maybe you have kids, maybe you don't. Even if you don't have kids, it doesn't matter. Let's face it. You exist in a super technological advanced civilization that requires you to. You to spin so many plates at once, and sometimes you just don't have time to go to the kitchen and make some healthy, delicious meal. You're not one of them. By them, I mean those people who do meal prep and they grill their chicken and they put it in little Tupperware boxes and, and, and. And alphabetize their chicken. How do you even do that? It all starts with C. That's not us. We're not meal preppers. We're not we're realists. And this is where Factor Meals come in. Because one thing we do have in common with those, with those, with those muscular meal preppers we see in the fancy magazines is we also want to be healthy. Why wouldn't you want to be healthy? It feels good to be healthy. It doesn't feel good to eat some swill because you're in such a hurry or you're too tired to cook. It doesn't feel good to fill your body temple with garbage. It tastes good, but my God, the next day when you're just sitting on the toilet wishing you had a time machine, you pay the piper. Thank God, there's Factor Meals. Every Factor Meal is crafted with functional ingredients. Lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole foods and healthy fats. Factor bans 175 plus ingredients. No artificial colors or sweeteners, no high fructose corn syrup, no refined seed oils. Just nutrient dense food. Most importantly, it tastes great. If you're like, how is that possible? You put it in the microwave. If you're pissed off at microwave food, it's because you're eating frozen food. It's not the microwave you're mad at. It's the fact that you're trying to resurrect a burrito that's been in deep freeze since the late 70s. You're trying to warm up a burrito that was more than likely in some kind of ice LA locker in an underground MK Ultra facility. It just wasn't fed to the victims of whatever horrific psychological programming they were doing back then. And they resold it to Trader Joe's and then you put it in your microwave. It's trying to bring back to life a mammoth baby they found frozen in the tundra. It's not going to work. This isn't Factor. Factor is fresh. Factor is not frozen. Factor tastes great. Not only that, but you feel good after you eat it. I have not been disappointed by any Factor Meal. And I'm not just saying that because they're paying me. Factor saved my ass after my wife gave birth. It's so nice to bring a plate of delicious, healthy food to the mother of this beautiful new baby in your house. And no, you're not. You know, this is going to get turned into milk. This is going to go straight to her boobs and into a baby's mouth. You know, it's nice to know that the milk factory is being given good ingredients. I think of her as more than a milk factory, but, you know, partially a milk factory or a milk alchemical Beaker. It's more like a factory. Listen, just head to factorbeals.com duncan50off and use code DUNCAN50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscriptions only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See their website for more details. Thank you, Factor.

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck. I said that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, dude. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's the worst.

[Robert Kelly]

The worst. The worst. It's worse than fucking heroin hangover, anything, that emotional hangover, because you're actually trying to be a good, you know, good person. But then you up or you say something or do something, and then you

[Duncan Trussell]

wake up, they say, dude, I've got this Buddhist teacher, David Nichturn. He's got a saying suddenly free from. From fixed mind, which is that ego thing. What it does, it takes a snapshot, right? You're living in a snapshot, and that's when you're fixating on, why'd that dude say that to me? Or why'd I fucking say that? Or should I cut that out of my podcast? But if I cut it out, who the fuck am I? What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid. You know, that. That thing. You don't even. You can just drop it. Have you ever done that? You know what I mean? That emotional anger for the entire framing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you can just.

[Duncan Trussell]

You could drop it.

[Robert Kelly]

I got it fucking right here, dude. Serenity prayer. Serenity, courage, wisdom. I say it 9 million times a day.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's the prayer.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Give me the serenity to accept the things that can't change, the courage to change the things they can, the wisdom to know the difference.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

Let it go. I gotta. I gotta drop. I always have to constantly drop stuff because you don't have control over anything.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, dude, I've. I've been fired. I've been in a fight, I've bombed. I've. People have hate, and it's before it's ever happened. It's not like. You know what I mean? Yes, I. It's like my.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

That. That thing in your head is your greatest asset and your worst enemy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And learning to fucking wield it right is. Is what I think your job. My. My job is to learn how to wield it right. You know, I can walk in, you know, like, I'm headlining this club. You know what I mean? I'll walk in. You still feel uncomfortable?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You still feel like, hey, am I. You know? Yeah, I'm. I'm headlining, but am I worthy of this? You know, I. You know. Yeah. Your brain stats go, you gotta it go tell jokes hour. Try to kill. Yeah, thanks guys. You know what I mean? That's it. Do your, do your job. But it's, it's, you can't. It's like. And, and, and that's the. But that's the juice that makes the jokes, right? Dude, I was in the gym this morning, right? Yeah, I'm, I'm waking up, I'm trying to be healthy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Waking up, go to the gym and I get my little dumbbells because I'm 55 and I, I'm not fucking, you know, I get my little dumbbells. I have my little guy on YouTube that's going to be, you know. Yeah, come on now. You know. And, and then this other dude comes in. Tall white guy, headband. As soon as I saw the headband, I'm like, fuck me. Me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? I'm, I wake up, I felt great. My brain is great. I'm, I said my little. I'm focused, I'm worried, I'm down. Nobody's in the, all this, this guy comes in, he's pacing and he's, you know, he's, he. I know I have the 20 pound dumbbells and the 30. I have them in front and I know, yeah, this is his gym. I'm in his area y. I took his little bench and, and he's coming down to do his thing and he's going over and he's, he's touching the dumbbells. Like he's somehow cycling. You know which one. He's looking at my dumbbells. Oh, those, those. Yeah. And then he's looking at me and he's, and he's going on the treadmill for like two minutes and he's coming back and he's doing his little thing and.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I,

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

If I could read some paper where that guy walked out, jumped on a scuba scooter and got smashed by a fucking Coke truck.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

There would be something inside me. Yeah. And the whole time. And then it got, I built it. I'm in my head, I'm like, just fuck. And he kept walking and he's. Look. And then finally I went, do you want these? The 20 pounds? And he goes, he literally went, thank you. And he bowed and I almost dropped him on his foot. He fucking bowed. Because, you know, because here's the problem with us where we have, we have. If you're a stand up comedian, you have a superhero power, right? We're superheroes because we have instincts we know what people are thinking.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I knew this guy didn't say, I want your dumb dumbbells. He didn't tell me I was in a space. He didn't. I knew it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because we're so attuned to people's energy. We walk in front of crowds every night and we feel your face.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Your face. Yep. I know I can call you a fucking. Look at your dumb shirt and you'll laugh.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

Instantaneous. How do we do? Because we've done it over and over and over. We feel the crowd.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And when I. And now the problem with that is we can do that everywhere.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

So we go anywhere. It's like you go to a restaurant and the waitress comes over. Can I help you guys? And then as soon as she leaves them. What the wrong with that? And everybody else at table's like, what she just said, can I help you? Yeah. Nah, this is something wrong with this.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you're right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, there is. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

She didn't like you. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

And then by the end of the meal, she's like, oh, she was kind of rude. I told you. I knew from the first word. We have that ability.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's. It's almost like some kind of like low level clairvoyance. Like some low level telepathy. It's some low level like thing that you can. You can really identify inside of people. Something like people are really good at it.

[Robert Kelly]

We have it, dude. Because we have. Because we. We can't. Like we have to take. We see that video, those two people, our brains immediately. Look at his hat, look at his beard. Look at the way he shaves it. How he left some gray in there.

[Duncan Trussell]

His shirt, the slouch.

[Robert Kelly]

And then. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

The slur. The weird. The weird way he slurred words this slow, mon.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And then as soon as her face came up, my brain went. Yeah, that. Cuz we had have that thing in us. It's like a. And because we're constantly ripping apart for years and years.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

To try to find something funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

To make. And not even on stage. We did it before hanging out with our friends just to get a chuckle.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because that's the juice. That's our juice.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. Yeah. Also, you came from a family of what, 13 people in a three bedroom house, right. So you had to be attuned. I can't even imagine. You have to be. So you have to have great situational awareness if you've got that many siblings, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, yeah, it was My mother, my sister, my grandmother, grandfather, My great grandmother. My great grandmother. Lived in. Slept in a closet with a bed. My uncle. I had five uncles. I had one on the sun porch. Tommy, he was the math. He was very smart, Worked out. We had Sean and David. David was kind of the tough guy. Sean was the. Everybody loves him paperboy. Great guy, wound up being a cop. You had Michael, who was the cool woman's chick, and then you had Jimmy, who was, you know, kind of the work guy, you know, construction, you know. And then you had my two aunts, Peggy and Dottie. And my. They lived in another room. Me and my sister. My mother lived on the floor on a mattress in my uncle's room next to a weight bench. Holy. And yeah, 13 of us in a three bedroom.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

And yeah, you get. You know, but I would wake up in the middle of the night and my. My uncle will be chasing my mother around because my mom got fake and put it on the ground. And my uncle stepped on it one time and then got mad at her. But then the cat, really. And then one day he just went over and he kicked it and he went, kathy. But it was real. It just got. He's like, you sounded. So I. You know, you go. Grew up with that Irish Catholic sense of humor. And I got so many different variables of personality on me. And then, of course, growing up, back in the day, we didn't have this. You went out and you hung out, and your. Your status was either you people up from B, you were the people up, or you were making them laugh.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

When I went to juvie jail, you either people up or you made them laugh.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

Or you were personable. You. Yep, I chose personable.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, because, you know, I remember one of the first times I was in a terrible lockup. Halifax, middle of a cranberry field. Old Jewish camp. This. It was a bad. Not the NFI one. It was a bad juvenile.

[Duncan Trussell]

Did you say a cranberry field?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, cranberry field.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the. Like, I'm so sorry. Like. What do you mean? Like, middle of a cranberry.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Like, there was one road in and there was a camp at the end, and there was a cr. They made cran. There was cranberries. You know, like a lake with cranberries.

[Duncan Trussell]

They were making you pick cranberries?

[Robert Kelly]

No, we didn't do that.

[Duncan Trussell]

We did that.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what they got those guys for. Back in Boston, we didn't have Mexicans, dude. We had Puerto Ricans. I didn't Know what a Mexican was until I went to la.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

We didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

I knew Dominicans and Puerto Ricans and a couple Chinese people, Vietnamese. When I saw my first Mexican, I was like. I thought it was like, Indians. I was like. I was like. I thought that, but I. I love Mexicans.

[Duncan Trussell]

Josh, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to do this. It's adhd. Pull up cranberry field just so I can get a sense of Halifax. Cranberry an. I've never seen a cranberry field. I just want to get a sense of this.

[Robert Kelly]

It's on a. They're on. They're on lakes, and they.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're always on lakes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's water. I don't know if it's a lake. Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry. I'm being.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there's no thing. With Patrice. You should watch. There it is right there.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the. So you were in a camp in the middle.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not in the middle of the field, but, like, by. Surrounded by cranberries. I'm sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's really. That's intense, man. Look at that. It's like.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's like blood. I was. It's beautiful. I think. Isn't that wild? They just walk out there and get cranberries in the water.

[Duncan Trussell]

I've never seen that before.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's crazy. But the point is, like, we couldn't run. You know what I mean? You got a bunch of juvies from. And we're out in the middle of nowhere at this old Jewish camp they turned into a lockup.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they were. There was three white kids, me and. No, there's four white kids, me and three other kids. One dude was a big rock and roll guy. But all the black kids and the Spanish kids. No, Mexicans, Puerto Rican kids, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They were fucking. They were just beating the white kids up. They were fucking them up. We all kind of came in on the same day, except for the big white kid.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they were fucking him up every day. There was one, they threw basketballs in his face. The other kid, they gave a blanket party to. And then I remember I was sitting in my room.

[Duncan Trussell]

Blanket party. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They throw a blanket over you, and they just beat the.

[Duncan Trussell]

Out of you. Like from Full Metal Jacket, Like.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Type of.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It was, like, a thing. And then they came in my room, like, all these black kids. And the one black kid that was kind of the leader was named the Godfather. They called him the Go. Little tiny dude, too. Not even the biggest one. And they all came in my room and surrounded me. They kind of sat on my bed, but ghosted me. And I was just sitting there, like, had a little. Some type of book. And I was just reading, and they were talking about up all the white kids. Like, that motherfucker's face busted open that you see all the blood and that other white boy. And I'm just sitting there like, I'm. They're cut. It's my turn.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I was reading, and they were like, they're white boy. And they look. The little Godfather kid looked at me, goes, what's up? You a white boy? Are you a homeboy? And I just went, I think I'm a homeboy. They all just went, what this? What this homeboy? He's I. He's I. Yeah. And they just left. And I was like, superpower. It's a superpower.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

If you can make somebody laugh, if you can make somebody laugh in a up situation about something up. Right. It could save your life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And. And that's the. The craziness. So for people to break it down and judge it and what's good and what's not, it's like, no, I don't give a. What you think of any of us. We're all going up there and walking on that tightrope.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

For one purpose. To make you laugh. That's it. Just trying to make you smile for an hour out of your dumb day that we all have. And shut the fuck. If you don't like it, don't go see it. If you don't like it, don't watch it. Shut the fuck up. I know you're gonna judge it anyways, but fucking who gives a shit? You know? Oregon parks make an Oregon summer, But what makes an Oregon park? Well, Oregon Lottery gameplay helps. No matter the game Megabucks, Video lottery or Kino. Funds from lottery games help support parks projects across the state, ensuring they stay safe, accessible, and open for all. In fact, Discover State Park Scratches are in stores now. It's the perfect way to put a little bit of Oregon's parks in your pocket. The Oregon Lottery. Together, we do good things. Must be 18 or older to play. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Earn four times the points on your favorite brands now through July 28th on eligible items like Pantene moisturizing shampoo, Gillette Razors and refills, Secret clinical strength deodorant, Herbal essences Hair Care, Old Spice Deodorant, Pampers, Swaddlers Diapers, and Crest Clean Breath Toothpaste. Enjoy savings on top of savings. When you shop in store or online for easy pickup or delivery, restrictions apply. See the website for full terms. It's like, like. And you can't with us because we know it, right? We. It's. It helped us survive life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It helped us make friends. And we. And then we did it every night for years in shit places with no people for fucking. No money, for nothing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then when. Then you. Then you fucking.

[Duncan Trussell]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

You. You have the fucking balls to tell us that you know it more.

[Duncan Trussell]

And also, stop acting like. The phenomena of comedians saying shit that offends people is started, according to this dude, I don't know, 10 years ago. Shut the fuck up. This is the history of.

[Robert Kelly]

Look.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look at all the great guys. Don Rickles, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor. You're acting like this is like a new phenomena because of cancel culture. It's. It's always been this way. It's always been people like that.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you. What do they want? Shaky green.

[Duncan Trussell]

What are you looking for?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you know, you want to see. To go back in history to where nobody got offended.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, we just went up there and went.

[Duncan Trussell]

Hey, you mean like the old Cat Skills style? Yeah. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

It evolved. Like, Prior was the one who evolved it into psychology and intimacy and personal experiences and being vulnerable. Could you imagine going on stage and talking about being lit on fire because you're a drug addict?

[Duncan Trussell]

Craziest bit of comedic alchemy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I've ever seen. Because it's so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you're in. It's so horrific, what he's talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

Terrible.

[Duncan Trussell]

Crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

And then, like, they, like. I watched Shane do his hour in front of 20,000 people, and I'm sitting there and he's talking about. He does this joke about playing football against the black team. It's all about. It's so funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That he's good. This guy's up there and he's. He's saying that the whole joke is how the black kids would just come in, like, you know, talent beats, you know. You know, this is. This whole thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it's like, talent didn't beat, you know, the black kids that day. You know what I mean? Right. You know, positive think it didn't work. That it's all about him just getting his ass whooped. It's so. And I'm like. And 20,000 people are laughing. 20,000 people are like, what the. And it's a. And it probably. The day that he lost sucked.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, according to them, 20,000 people are making a sound. 20 thou. You know, that's the, that's the term for that. He did a slur and he made 20,000 people make a sound.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

The sound is laughter. You. It's like. And it's.

[Robert Kelly]

But guess who's going to tell you when you, you made a mistake? The people. They're not going to come.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

Not going to come. When you, when you stop being funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What you say? They won't show up.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, they, they don't tell us.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

The people, the people tell. Tell you look at the people that made it, that did that. And now they can't. They don't.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

The people, right, who are going to comedy shows now go, we don't like that anymore. Yeah, we don't want that anymore.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

They tell us. Not you.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. They'll tell you it's pure populism.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's what it is. And it's these, you know, and to be upset about it, it's like you're, you're angry at the culture. You're not angry at comics. You just don't seem to realize that. Yeah. You're just. Culture went a different direction than where you wanted it to go. It didn't go in the, in the New Yorker direction. You wanted culture comedy to be like, I get the New Yorker little comic strips.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but those comics exist. Go see them. Promote them. Stop promoting the people you hate face.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I mean the little, you know,

[Robert Kelly]

but I'm saying, like, there's plenty of people that these people like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Go see them.

[Robert Kelly]

Have them on your show.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Promote the fuck out of them. Look what Rogan does. Look what you do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look what you do.

[Robert Kelly]

Promote them.

[Duncan Trussell]

You, you are legendary for this, by the way. You, Soder, Joe, Liz, Gomez. Before these people anyone knew who they were, you were having them on your show.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I really am a, like a. I, I, I'm, I'm a farm team. I.

[Duncan Trussell]

You are prospect. You are.

[Robert Kelly]

I, I really do. I pick winners. You do.

[Duncan Trussell]

But it's true. It's true, man.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, well, I've, you know, it was weird because I used to do, like, Obie and Anthony, and I'm hanging out with, of course, Patrice and, and, and, and Norton and Voss and Keith and all them. And Colin, of course. Colin's one of the best comedians ever. God damn it. You Ever want to see her? You want to see a. You ever want to see a comic? Real comic, much? Yeah, like a guy who works it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, works. Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And does it and over and over again and says stuff that in a way that's never been. You want to see a real con that I feel like can't be con. Quinn is one of those. I just saw. I just watched him last Monday night. I just went in, didn't tell him I was coming. I just sat on the stairs and watched him do his stuff. And he's talking about stuff that should never be in a set.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like, what the.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

How did you even think it?

[Duncan Trussell]

Like, right.

[Robert Kelly]

And he. He finds a subject and just talks about.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it's like, like, Like I was hanging out with all those guys. But I love. Like I said before, I've never been. Comics tend to group up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know, man. I just. I. You know, me and Derosa, we would hang out all the time. Yeah. And he was like, the new guy. And Jay. I would take Jay on the road with me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's like, I always. I love hanging out with funny people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And, you know, and then I remember me and Jeros used to do Yo Know dude first, and then one day he couldn't do it. And we had Dan Sody. He's like, I got this guy who works at a Mexican restaurant like, two blocks away, and Dan came in and I was like. I remember telling my wife going, I fucking love him.

[Duncan Trussell]

Him. Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

He's. So. He was doing voices and. And we had this. And then I remember the first time we really smashed Dan Soda, he did this. He was on stage one night and he was doing this. This voice. And it's a guy. It's a gator fight and a goddamn gator fight. And then he made merch and we trashed him. We brought him on the show again and we didn't tell him, and we played and we went, you, God damn you. And we just smashed him for doing a voice to have merch. And. And he took it. It was so fun.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And. Yeah, I, I, I just like. I like different groups of people. Like, I've never been into. I remember when Ari. I used to like Ari, and people would tell me, you can't hang out. Like back in la, when he was doing the Amazing Races. First time I met Ari was walked up to me, he just looked like, you know, some type of, you know, Nazi propaganda drawing. And I. We just started Talking. And I, you know, I was hanging with Dane at the time. You know, I was touring with him, so I was kind of in that. That universe. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm over there talking to Ari, who wasn't really. At the time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I just remember. I was like, I love this guy. And we just about talked, talked, and we became very good friends. One of my best friends. One of them. I love him more than anything and one of the funniest guys on the planet.

[Duncan Trussell]

So funny.

[Robert Kelly]

And I've always been. I don't know. I've always felt good about that, that the people that I've liked here. Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I see them succeed, I'm like, it makes me happy because I. My instincts were right about that.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's one of the coolest feelings. It's one of the craziest things to watch.

[Robert Kelly]

Luis Gomez.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude. When I first have him on my show, people like get that because nobody knew him. He wasn't anything. Right. Just a. But I was like, he is funny. Yeah, he's funny. He's a unique.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he's.

[Robert Kelly]

He was just like me, you know, I always saw myself, you know, and. And I would be like. People would tell me, don't get him off the show, you know, because my show was like one of the only podcasts around in New York at the time. Yeah. Like, dude, he's ruining the show. I'm like, nah, dude, dude, he's. He's doing him, you know, And I. I've always. And now to see him now.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And, dude, he wrote a book. He's got a special. He's got skank fest. He's got multiple. I'm like, it gratify. It makes me feel. It makes me should feel gratified that I. I didn't listen to these idiots. I. I listened to my gut and I was like. I was right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, about these people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I just wish some of these would maybe throw me a bone once in a while, you know what I mean? Soda's got a Penthouse and List Got a Gomez is driving an Audi, for Christ's sakes. I got a Ford Ranger. Come on.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's going on? Are you doing Legion of Skanks this year?

[Robert Kelly]

You mean Skest? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can't wait.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't get out of it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, you have to. I love it. That's the best festival.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just the old guy there now. Dude. I go, they gave me a cigar lounge. I. They let. I I go, I need a place to hang because I don't do drugs. I don't do any of the stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So they made Rebecca and Christine and Lewis. They made me a tent. It's this.

[Duncan Trussell]

You now have a cigar lounge.

[Robert Kelly]

It's called the Dude Cigar Lounge. Holy. It was there last year and, yeah, they gave me. I. I'm like the old guy that, you know, they let come down, and I'm part of the shows, and.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I have. I have a lot of fun.

[Duncan Trussell]

They don't think of you like that at all.

[Robert Kelly]

Whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're so humble. You're so.

[Robert Kelly]

As my kid's old enough. I'm shopping on those blades. I'm g. Come back. I'm going to.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're here. You don't need to sharpen the blades, man.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm here, baby.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you so much for coming on the show, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Let me tell you, you're one of the guys who I. When I first saw your weird face on a. I forget where it was.

[Duncan Trussell]

You had me on my. On your podcast. You had. I moved to New York.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You had me on your podcast almost immediately.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You started digging in because I was wearing this stupid jacket that I had, and I loved it. You're like, was that your grandmother's jacket? It was so funny and so deserved.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man.

[Robert Kelly]

I was so. I was so. As soon as I met you, I was like, did. Dude, I love this guy. And then, of course, I've watched all your stuff, and you and Kurt and your brain, the way it works, it's like, I love that you think you go. You. You go into it. You let yourself go, which I. I love that you. I mean, I couldn't do it because I'd kill somebody. I. I couldn't go where you go, because my brain will implode. And then you'll just see me at your door, just. With just blood. I killed them all. I got Satan. I got them for you, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

A Redditor's head in your backpack.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Like, this is for you. It's that lady. It's that lady's head. No, dude, look. You said you wanted a statue. I made you a statue. I got it, dude. Satan's gone. Ego's gone.

[Duncan Trussell]

The world is cleansed, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Christ lives.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you, Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you, Jesus.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thanks to. Dude, you're the best. Thanks for coming on the show.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks, buddy. I'll see you later.

[Duncan Trussell]

That was Robert Kelly, everybody. Won't you go see him at the Comedy Mothership this weekend? The weekend of July 4th. All the links are down below. And come see me at the Mothership coming up. Or the Milwaukee Improv. Or come to Houston. Come and see me. Or watch the mystery boys. Happy 4th, everybody. Happy 250th birthday to the Great United States of America. Let freedom ring and start storing up food. I'll see you guys next time.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Earn four times the points on your favorite brands now through July 28th on eligible items like Pantene Moisturizing Shampoo, Gillette Razors and refills, Secret Clinical Strength Deodorant, Herbal Essences Hair Care, Old Spice Deodorant, Pampers Swaddlers Diapers and Crest Clean Breath Toothpaste. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop, store or online for easy pickup or delivery, restrictions apply. See the website for full terms.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's up everybody?

[Robert Kelly]

It's Bretzky and America is turning 250 and I can't think of a better way to celebrate that than playing on an American owned social casino. Spinquest.com with all of your favorite games. Live craps, Bubble craps, live blackjack, there's

[Duncan Trussell]

no better place to play for free and win real campaign cash prizes.

[Robert Kelly]

Spin Quest.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino boy where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. It's called soccer.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's called football.

[Robert Kelly]

Soccer, Football.

[Duncan Trussell]

Domino's. Best deal ever.

[Robert Kelly]

Lets you get any pizza, including stuffed crust with any toppings for 9.99.

[Duncan Trussell]

We can agree on that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, fully. So pineapple. Don't ruin it. Get any pizza, including stuffed crust with any toppings for 9.99. Finally something everyone can get behind.

[Duncan Trussell]

And if the refs disagree, that's between them and Domino's. Which means the only thing left to

[Robert Kelly]

fight over is who's ordering

[Duncan Trussell]

price is higher for some locations.

[Robert Kelly]

Excludes XL and specialty pizzas.

[Duncan Trussell]

Select this offer from 615 to 726 online only. Size availability varies by crust type. Max 7 toppings, 6 for pan and

[Robert Kelly]

New York style crust.

[Duncan Trussell]

Minimum purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary.