Therapist and host, Malisa Hepner, sits down with Kirsten OConnor, Author of The Year After Kahlia and Founder of thisisgrief.nz, for a deeply honest conversation about grief, child loss, and the emotional realities no one prepares you for. Together, they explore what it truly means to live with grief—not as something to "get over," but as an ongoing experience that reshapes your identity, your nervous system, and your life.

In this episode, they unpack the impact of traumatic loss, including PTSD symptoms, emotional waves, and the pressure to appear "okay" in a world that doesn't understand, as Kisrten shares the grief she experiences after losing her daughter, Kahilia by suicide. They share the importance of building a personal toolbox for coping—through writing, speaking, and allowing emotions to move instead of suppressing them.

This conversation challenges common misconceptions about grief and offers a more compassionate, realistic perspective: that you can carry deep loss while still experiencing moments of peace, connection, and meaning.

If you are navigating grief, supporting someone who is, or trying to understand the long-term impact of loss, this episode offers both validation and practical insight.

Grief is not something you "move on" from—it's something you learn to carry.

Instead of trying to fix or suppress what you feel, begin building your own emotional toolbox:

Name what you're feeling without judgment (grief, anger, numbness, longing)
Create one safe outlet (writing, talking, or even sitting with the feeling)
Notice when societal expectations are pressuring you to "be okay" and gently release them

You don't have to rush your healing. You can hold grief and still create moments of peace—and both can exist at the same time.

Kirstens links: Website, Insta, TikTok

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Grief, Mental Health, and Learning to Carry Both Pain and Peace (Trigger warning for discussion of Suicide)