
Hosted by Dan Kuan Peeples, John Goodman · EN

a simple story from simpler times. SEASON SEVEN FINALE next Thursday!!!!

(1949-2025) Rudolph Schultz, famed Austrian chef and owner of numerous Prego Restaurants, died from his old Oma’s gold-leaf schnitzel recipe last night. Known for his loaf sized breadsticks, his larger-than-life personality, and his childhood frenemy Christoph Waltz, Schultz clawed his way to the top of the restaurant industry while also harboring a secret desire to be a famous Hollywood actor. He will be remembered for his legendary three week improv session in downtown LA - and for the upcoming biopic about his life starring him as a younger version of him. His wife, Katerina, will be vlogging the funeral. New episode Thursday!!

(1994 - 2025) Steven Jobs (no not that Steven Jobs) died somewhat recently at a Meta Team Event promoting dozens of paintings of animal nipples. Jobs (Steven not Steve) spent his career as an intern at Instagram responsible for doing the bubbles and reading everyone's stories. Despite his humble roots as a farm boy who glossed turkey chests, Jobs (again, not that Jobs) rose the ranks at Instagram and eventually got the chance to meet Mark Zuckerberg, Senior Member. His lifelong love of painting allowed him to connect to his roots, and he died doing what he loved: promoting his art on Instagram live. His funeral will be held at a random Tennessee town hall where no nipples will be allowed on screen, only in person. NEW EPISODE THURSDAY.

Congratulations John Goodman and Hanna Allerton on your wedding!new episode thursdayyyyy

Dale Davidson, oil tycoon and poet, passed away alone in the middle of the woods near a binturong. Followed around by his reporter and maybe intimate confidant Michael Leahcim, Dale was known as being as rich as Chappelle Roan until his untimely demise. Davidson had three dreams (finding oil, forming a small country in the middle of Germany, and writing fact-based poetry) and he led a life of deceit and backwards last names in order to achieve all three, destroying his marriage of convenience along the way. His last will and testament leaves all of his money to his wife and arch-nemesis Jessica, and his funeral will be held somewhere - unfortunately a paper boy ripped out the last page of the newspaper so no one will know where. NEW EPISODE THURSDAY!

this week: a gift from our Patreon. New episode Thursday!!

(1992 - 2025) Lisa Bergen, theoretically someone with a job, died this week after doing improv. As an orphan who was an orphan for as long as she's been an orphan, Bergen spent her days on this volatile planet hitting comedy clubs in the hopes of making a go of it in the Brooklyn improv scene. Despite completely never telling anyone anything about her passion for performing for fear of getting killed by her boss, Bergen was best known (or not-known) for her improv comedy group Elbow's Head - drawing crowds of sometimes six people. Her rival group One Foot A Head will host her memorial will be next week, with a secret performance on ukulele by her co-worker Daniel at the subway station over Bossa Nova Civic Club. New Episode Thursday!! (you can follow Adrienne Hunter IRL on insta @projectadrienne)

(1982 - 2025) George Trudy, otherwise known by their player name PopPop McDyke, died last week in a fantasy land far far away from this humble obituary writer's countryside abode. Known for their 37-face "lucky" dice, their relentless pursuit of the perfect Dungeons and Dragons game, and the random fatal events that peppered their DMing, McDyke is most famous for joining legendary player Juno's 65 year old game (along with HuzzahKid). They will be memorialized by their best friend D*** at their funeral next week. NEW EPISODE THURSDAY!

(1995-2025) Ashley Daggers, newly-minted pop star and hitmaker for three foreign countries, died last night after eating the most American thing possible. Known for absolute bangers like "Body Wrong", "Skyn With A Y", "Home4Now", and "AxSent", Daggers will be remembered for her devotion to Britney Spears' goat, her angelic three-minute outros, and the zeitgeist-y relatability of her lyrics. Her funeral will be held in Trinidad and Tobago, where Daggers almost went silver. New episode Thurssssday (IRL you can follow Erik Martini @erikmartini on Insta!!)