Podcast Summary: "28 things I learned by 28"
Podcast: Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Host: Hallie Batchelder
Episode: 28 things I learned by 28
Date: October 9, 2025
Episode Overview
In this candid solo episode, Hallie Batchelder, NYC influencer and self-proclaimed attention lover, celebrates her 28th birthday by sharing “28 things I learned by 28.” Hallie dives into her personal chaos from the past month, unpacks her complex feelings about birthdays, recounts wild NYC adventures, and offers irreverent wisdom on relationships, friendships, sex, and self-discovery. With her trademark unfiltered humor and bracing honesty, Hallie’s list is both hilarious and relatable—peppered with stories, self-roasting, and unsolicited advice from the heart of the city.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Reflections on Birthdays & Being 28
- Hallie’s Complicated Relationship with Birthdays:
- Hallie loves attention but finds birthdays anxiety-inducing, likening the experience to the embarrassment of being a bride walking down the aisle.
- Birthdays cause her to spiral: “Instead of being like, ‘Oh my God, I’m so thankful for life and I made it to 28...’ I tend to focus on the negative and like pinpoint...things I haven’t accomplished…” [06:50]
- Her solution: downplay the occasion, keep plans chill with her core group, and indulge in retail therapy with her parents.
- No Expectations, No Disappointments:
Hallie tries to dodge the “birthday blues” by avoiding high expectations, comparing it to managing New Year’s Eve disappointments.
NYC Life, Parties & Dating Antics
- September’s Sketchiness & Bender Energy:
- September was “sketchy,” but Hallie claims October will be even wilder: “It’s raining dick out there right now, and I was in a drought. I broke the threshold.” [13:00]
- Operating in “post-grad mode,” Hallie’s been hanging with younger friends, hitting afterparties, and staying out late (“I will be the last person standing…” [21:42]).
- Dating & Sex Stories:
- Hallie admits: “I’m not really good at dates because I sleep with the guy on the first date. I don’t know if I’m really bad at dates or really good at dates for that reason…” [17:50]
- She shares a recent escapade—after a fun date, she ends up at The Box on a Wednesday at 2am, fully embracing spontaneity and chaos.
Pop Culture Comfort: Reality TV
- Why Reality TV is Her Therapy:
- Provides “chaos and drama that’s not my own…soothing” [23:15]
- Favorites: Real Housewives (especially Miami and Salt Lake for their “delusional” energy), Vanderpump Rules, Below Deck, Love Island Games. She admits she could never be on Love Island: “I think I’m, like, too insecure for Love Island, to be honest with you.” [25:45]
Hallie’s List: 28 Lessons by 28
(Selected highlights and memorable commentary)
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If his texting is spotty, move on
- “Let the trash take itself out.” [29:25]
- Hallie notes her own spotty texting may explain her single status.
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Bottle service is cheaper than therapy (but not really)
- “A table in New York City is five grand at least… Brunch is cheaper than therapy.” [30:06]
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A true bestie holds your hair without judgment
- “Your friends can have opinions…but I’m a grown ass woman… If I want dick, no one’s going to stop me, not even Thor.” [31:14]
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There’s no hangover like mixing tequila, gin, and your ex’s attention
- Hallie adds: “Drunk texting your ex hits hard. The scaries are scaring at that point.” [33:00]
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Ghosting is rude but sometimes necessary
- “Sometimes an explanation is not needed… I’ve ghosted friendships. Sometimes ghosting is necessary.” [34:10]
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People suck—keep your circle small
- Hallie repeats advice from her dad: only a few friends would be there “at 3am…without asking anything.” [36:05]
- Recently found out someone she trusted leaked info about her online.
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If you have to Google ‘Is this a red flag?’ It’s a red flag
- “I love the color red. I look great in red. It brings out my eyes.” [38:00]
- Hallie’s obsessed with Co-Star and ChatGPT for unsolicited life advice.
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DMs are where love stories (and cautionary tales) begin
- “Everyone’s sliding into DMs left and right… I know a lot of people married because of them.” [43:10]
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You can be emotionally intelligent and unhinged—it’s called balance
- “If you can be a crazy ass degenerate but also have high intellect…perfect girl to me.” [44:20]
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Don’t make the same mistake with the same man twice
- “I guess I’m a sadist because I go back to these toxic men…but the sex is good. Goodbye. Next.” [45:15]
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No one actually knows what they’re doing—some people are just louder about it
- “My mom always tells me…she’d say no to millions to avoid being in her 20s again.” [46:50]
- Hallie relays her string of jobs—from classics major to Tito’s samples girl—and emphasizes, “Trial and error sums up your twenties.” [48:00]
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A good outfit cures heartbreak faster than journaling
- “The best way to get over a man is to get under another one…look hot doing it.” [49:26]
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Stop trying to make a situationship a relationship
- “You can’t build a boyfriend. Situationships always hurt more than regular breakups because of that damn gray area.” [49:53]
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If you only text after 10pm, you’re an extracurricular—not the main course
- “Sometimes all I want is a warm body on top of me…but if you want more, don’t settle.” [51:00]
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A vibrator will never ghost you
- “Some people have stuffed animals. We have vibrators. That’s how I look at it.” [54:25]
- Recalls childhood stuffed animal “Titty”—and compares its comfort to her travel vibrators.
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Leading with kindness is always the best path
- “It takes nothing to be kind…smile at a stranger, it could make their day. But if you cross me, I will pull all your teeth out.” [56:00]
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Good sex won’t fix a bad man, but it will delay your exit
- “If the sex is good, but you’re kind of a dick, I will be staying around a little bit longer…if the sex is bad with a good man? I will be out the fucking door.” [57:24]
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Pillow talk is dangerous—that’s where delusion is born
- “Don’t get deep with your suitors, that’s where it gets sticky and dangerous.” [58:47]
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If you didn’t finish, it was a nap with a guest star
- “Does it really count if you didn’t finish? Maybe technically…but finishing is important.” [59:22]
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Butt stuff is a trust fall
- “It’s like a game of chance…but I’ve come out lucky.” [1:00:12]
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Friends with benefits only works if the benefit is good
- “If you’re sucking dick for Birkins, society might judge, but…whatever.” [1:01:01]
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Not every text needs a reply
- “If I send you a funny TikTok and you don’t reply—death to them all.” [1:02:11]
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Spending time alone is a flex, not a failure
- “If I do not have alone time, I get overstimulated. One day I’ll be praying for the days I was alone.” [1:04:01]
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The best ideas happen tipsy at happy hour
- “Some of my best trips with girlfriends have been planned at tipsy brunch.” [1:05:06]
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Energy is expensive—budget accordingly
- “I say yes to everything, but it kind of washes you out…quick burnout.” [1:06:10]
- Hallie vows to be more intentional and say “no” more as she turns 28.
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Friendships evolve—let people go with grace or block. Both are valid
- “Sometimes friends need to be cut off…over time people show their true colors.” [1:09:12]
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Invest in quality bedding. Your sleep will thank you
- “If you have jank-ass bedding, how is your mental health okay?” [1:10:00]
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Your 20s are for reinventing yourself as many times as necessary
- “I hope by age 30, I’m an even better version of myself. I look forward to reinventing myself a few more times before I hit that age.” [1:11:10]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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“I tend to focus on the negative...give attention to the things I haven’t accomplished, or the things I don’t have, which is super negative, but that’s just how it is for me.” [07:12]
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“I will be the last person standing. And I found that recently I’ve been surrounding myself with people that also have that quality...” [21:42]
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“Bitch, like, carrying on a birthday cake and all your friends sitting around staring at you with their phones out...that makes me super self-conscious almost.” [05:41]
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“If you have to Google, ‘Is this a red flag?’ It’s a red flag. But I love the color red. I look great in red. It brings out my eyes.” [38:00]
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“Not every text needs a reply...but if I send you a funny TikTok and you don’t reply, death to them all." [1:02:18]
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“A vibrator will never ghost you. But sometimes batteries do turn on you...could be worse than heartbreak.” [40:09, 54:25]
Structure & Flow
- Hallie’s tone is always raw, cheeky, and confessional—like talking to your funniest friend after a big night out.
- The episode is structured loosely: storytime and diary updates give way to the rapid-fire “28 things I learned by 28” list, each point introduced with commentary, anecdotes, and the occasional tangent.
- Closing segment teases a high-energy Vegas episode next week, promising more chaotic stories and special guests.
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Timestamp | Segment Description | |----------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:41 | Hallie on why birthdays “make me spiral” | | 13:00 | Declaration of “cocktober” and floodgates opening | | 17:50 | “Am I bad at dates or really good at dates?” | | 21:42 | “I will be the last person standing” Party energy | | 23:15–25:45 | Reality TV comforts: favorites and critique | | 29:25 | Hallie starts the “28 things I learned by 28” list | | 38:00 | “Is this a red flag?”—red flags, Co-Star, and ChatGPT dependence | | 40:09, 54:25 | “A vibrator will never ghost you,” recurring funny bit | | 46:50 | “No one actually knows what they’re doing…” (career/college) | | 51:00–53:34 | Booty calls, vibrators, and comfort objects | | 56:00 | “Leading with kindness is always the best path” | | 57:24–59:22 | Sex and the importance of finishing | | 1:02:11 | “Not every text needs a reply” | | 1:09:12 | Letting friendships go with grace | | 1:11:10 | Reinvent yourself as many times as needed |
Final Thoughts
This episode is a wild, laughter-filled ride through Hallie Batchelder’s life and lessons—equal parts girl talk, self-deprecating therapy, and chaos-affirming wisdom. Whether you’re deep in your 20s, nostalgic for them, or bracing for 28 yourself, Hallie’s honesty and humor deliver the ultimate unfiltered pregame pep talk.