Bestie catch-up: evil exes & the 4am going out debrief

Summary

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Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder

Episode: Bestie Catch-Up: Evil Exes & the 4am Going Out Debrief
Date: January 29, 2026
Host: Hallie Batchelder
Guests: Lauren Fishbein & Liv

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Episode Overview

This episode of Extra Dirty is an unfiltered, hilarious, and personal bestie catch-up, with Hallie, Lauren, and Liv spilling everything about wild NYC nights out, ex drama, relationship confessions, and friend group dynamics. It's the ultimate late-night-style apartment debrief—heavy on chaos, light on censorship. The trio recounts late nights, toxic exes, tequila-fueled fights, and answer listener confessions—peppered with gossip, tangents, sex talk, and raw vulnerability about why evil exes shape your dating life.
Tone: Messy sleepover energy, genuine best-friend warmth, sharp wit, and the “who cares, let’s share everything” attitude.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The 4am Going-Out Debrief

• Hangover Vibes & the Night Before:

  • The girls gather hungover, calling this an “emergency debrief.” (01:17)
  • Lauren and Liv admit to staying out until 4am, despite Hallie claiming she’d stay in.
  • Quote, Lauren: “We have one big fight a year. It’s always on my birthday, always on July 23rd.” (02:59)
  • Memorable: They joke about only fighting once a year, always on Lauren’s birthday.

• Why Friend Fights Are Different:

  • The group discusses their fight patterns—infrequent, always resolved, often fueled by alcohol, always about minor misunderstandings.
  • Lauren suggests not inviting her to Liv’s birthday to avoid annual drama.

• Deciding to Stay Out:

  • Liv recounts being ready to leave the party, but Connor Wood convinces her to stay—sparking an ongoing joke about how easy they are to peer pressure. (03:36)

2. The “Daddy” Who Brags About Money

• Story:

  • Lauren shares a wild story about an older, rich “daddy” she’s been flirting with, who called her at 5am bragging about making $2.5 million last year—expecting her to be impressed (04:17-06:46).
  • The group roasts the guy for oversharing and overestimating the allure of his wealth.

  Quote, Lauren: “He thought I would just, like, come over in that moment, put a baby in me. Absolutely not.” (06:14)

• “M” vs. “B” Conversation:

  • Running joke: calling millionaires “M” and billionaires “B,” shaming the guy for being a “low-tier M.”
  • Quote, Lauren: “I’m sorry, I thought at least he was a B. He’s the lowest of animals.” (07:33)

3. Apartment Talk: Snowballs, Feng Shui & Real Housewives

• Lauren calls snowflakes “snowballs” (08:26)—the girls lose it over her word mix-up.

• Apartment Feng Shui:

  • Debate about whether Lauren’s apartment has good vibes or not, leading to a funny aside about tarps and TV setups (09:03-10:00).

• Hallie's TV Habits:

  • Hallie is revealed to be an “iPad kid with Real Housewives,” watching three episodes in each room for sensory comfort, with everyone playfully roasting her obsession (11:04).

  Quote, Hallie: “It calms me down to hear middle-aged women fight. If you don’t get the vibes, you don’t get the vibes.” (11:53)

4. Drinking Cultures, Genetics & Hangovers

• Who’s the Bigger Hangover Baby?
  • Hallie confesses she avoids drinking because her hangovers are brutal (16:09).
  • Discussion shifts into cultural/familial drinking habits—Ashkenazi Jewish genetic differences, Irish/Italian cocktail culture, parents with wine collections, etc.
  • Mini science lesson: Hallie explains the “Adh genetic mutation” that means Ashkenazi Jews may process alcohol poorly (16:48).

5. Listener DM: The Work Hookup Gone Weird

• Scenario:

  • Listener shares a workplace hookup story: made out with a 6’7” security guard, no longer being texted but having to see him every day at work (19:31-20:36).

• Advice:

  • “Pull away, look hot, don’t give him attention, act like he’s invisible, and flirt with other guys”—embracing healthy toxicity and boundaries (20:36-21:01).
  • The trio roleplays likely interactions—full of sass and deadpan delivery (21:07-22:35).

  Quote, Liv: “You need to stay strong. Like, just so you know, it’s over with him. Like, no more.” (21:01)

6. Listener Confessions Rapid Fire

• Craziest Truths Shared:

  • “Helped a high school classmate smuggle illegal animals” (23:11)—group is bamboozled.
  • “Guy had a toe attached as a thumb” sexual encounter (24:09): reaction is horror and disgust.
    • Quote, Hallie: “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” (24:17)

• Robbing Men at Work:

  • Confessor says she “robs men nightly” at her job—girls debate if it’s literal or “robbing” via gifts in relationships (25:11-26:15).

• Head for Jet Skis:

  • One listener admits to giving a guy oral just to use his lake house and jet skis (31:03), the group agrees, “Sounds like a great Saturday.”

7. Evil Exes & Dating Damage

• Evil Ex Stories:

  • Lauren and Liv share “evil ex” stories—abusive, narcissistic high school boyfriends whose behavior left lasting damage (32:37-35:36).
  • Liv’s ex sent friends to destroy a sweet kid’s car with a baseball bat out of jealousy (34:12).
  • Both reflect on how brutal early relationships shape later dating, and how they’d never tolerate that behavior now.

  Quote, Lauren: “I honestly really think he, like, damaged my outlook on men and how I approach men.” (33:31)
  Quote, Liv: “That shaped it. Ruined my next relationship with my great boyfriend...I just didn’t know how to be normal in a relationship.” (35:08)

8. NYC Dating: Multiple Jakes & Lexapro Side Effects

• **Hallie admits to dating two “Jakes” at once—labeling them Jake 1 & 2 in her phone—while Liv reads off Hallie’s hilarious running list of former hookups (“Uncle Hockey,” “The Blonde,” “Firefighter”). (36:22-37:52)
• Lexapro Discussion:
  • Quick debate: would you rather be “mentally well but no orgasms,” or “mentally unwell but great sex,” due to classic SSRI side effects. (36:57)

9. The Girls, Drinking, and Being Each Other’s Angels/Devils

• The Dynamic:
  • Hallie is Liv’s party devil: “Let’s have a martini!”
  • Lauren is the sober angel: “You’ll hate yourself tomorrow.”
  • Liv: “I want mini Lauren and Hallie on my shoulders, like cake toppers.” (38:48)

10. Relationship Red Flags: Cheating With a Guy or Girl?

• Which Hurts More?
  • The girls agree: being cheated on with another girl hurts more than if your boyfriend hooks up with a guy (40:23-41:06).
  • Quote, Hallie: “I’d be more offended if it was a girl. If it was a guy, I was like, I can’t really blame him. It’s his sexuality.” (40:53)

11. Sex, Secrets, and “The Muncher”

• Revealed:
  • Lauren finally gets “her box munched” (oral sex)—she doesn’t usually like it; the group teases her for missing out.
  • Hallie’s fiancé Jordan is dubbed “The Muncher” after bragging about his skills at dinner, and the group jokes about their unusual, codependent friend circle where he goes everywhere with them (44:03-45:58).
• Gym Hijinks:
  • Running bit about sharing gym fobs and Jordan pretending to be Liv’s brother to sneak in.

12. Brunch Plans & Friendship

• Planning their next brunch and reflecting on how the episode was “the most raw and authentic we've ever been” (53:19-53:36).
• The group is grateful for being able to share and laugh about their crazy lives and messy pasts together.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Annual Fight Tradition:

  • Lauren: “We have one big fight a year. It's always on my birthday, always on July 23rd.” (02:59)

• Millionaire Brag Gets Roasted:

  • Lauren: “He thought I would just, like, come over in that moment, put a baby in me. Absolutely not.” (06:14)

• “Lowest of Animals”:

  • Lauren: “I'm sorry. I thought at least he was a B. He's the lowest of animals.” (07:33)

• Hallie’s Sensory Show Binge:

  • Hallie: “It calms me down to hear middle-aged women fight. If you don't get the vibes, you don't get the vibes.” (11:53)

• Ashkenazi Alcohol Gene Mini-Lesson:

  • Hallie: “Studies suggest Jews, particularly Ashkenazi Jews, process alcohol differently due to a genetic mutation.” (16:48)

• Listener DM, Hot Security Guard:

  • Liv: “You need to stay strong. Like, just so you know, it's over with him. Like, no more.” (21:01)

• Evil Ex Reflection:

  • Lauren: “I honestly really think he, like, damaged my outlook on men and how I approach men.” (33:31)
  • Liv: “That shaped it. Ruined my next relationship with my great boyfriend...I just didn't know how to be normal in a relationship.” (35:08)

• Party Angel/Devil:

  • Liv: “I want mini Lauren and Hallie on my shoulders, like cake toppers.” (38:48)

• Cheating Debate:

  • Hallie: “I'd be more offended if it was a girl. If it was a guy, I was like, I can't really blame him. It's his sexuality.” (40:53)

• On Being ‘Raw & Authentic’:

  • Lauren: “I feel like this is the most raw and authentic we've ever been.” (53:19)
  • Liv: “I just love being raw for sure and authentic. It's kind of like my brand.” (53:26)

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Main Takeaways

• Friendship is Messy but Vital:
  • The episode’s heart is about how close friendships survive fights, nights out, heartbreak, and bizarre confessions.
• NYC Dating is Surreal:
  • From “low-tier M’s” to hot security guards and old high school evil exes, the modern dating grind is revealed in all its ridiculousness.
• Healing From Toxic Exes:
  • Early relationships shape future dating—sometimes in scarred, suspicious ways.
• Humor as Survival:
  • Whether dealing with dating disasters, hangovers, or Real Housewives obsessions, laughter is how these besties cope.
• Being Unfiltered is the Brand:
  • The girls proudly share, overshare, and remind us that life is more fun—and healing—when you’re extra dirty and extra real.

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If you missed this episode:
Expect a wild ride of NYC party tales, relationship deep-dives, sharp one-liners, scandalous listener confessions, and a candid, comfy window into weekday brunches and weekend chaos with your favorite girl gang.

Transcript

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[Host (Hallie)]

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[Lauren]

Have you ever gotten by a toe? I feel like if guys put his foot in there at one point.

[Liv]

Okay, you.

[Lauren]

Yeah, maybe.

[Liv]

Who? What do you mean?

[Holly]

I don't know.

[Liv]

If I was by a toe, I would know.

[Lauren]

What up, you little freaks? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night, Okay?

[Host (Hallie)]

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Extra Dirty. I'm here with my two favorite, Lauren and Liv.

[Lauren]

Say hello.

[Liv]

Hello. Hi.

[Lauren]

Yeah, we're gonna just do like a little bit of a bestie catch up. Because I feel like we haven't done this in a while. We haven't sat on this couch in a while. And I said we're gonna sit on this couch today. I brought my materials. I made a Bloody Mary. We sat here for an hour and a half and now we're cozy.

[Liv]

I'm so not okay.

[Lauren]

No, we're so not. Well, live. Tell them about last night.

[Liv]

I got to zero and I just started drinking and then I stayed out until 4am yeah, live was fun last night.

[Holly]

I knew you were gonna get.

[Lauren]

You're fun every night though, Junkie.

[Holly]

I look.

[Liv]

You mean that?

[Lauren]

I do mean that.

[Holly]

Really?

[Lauren]

I do mean that. Like I was saying last night, I was like you. They don't need alcohol to be fun.

[Holly]

That's how quickly they make up sometimes.

[Liv]

I do.

[Lauren]

Do you want to hold hands for.

[Liv]

A Second, our fight isn't gonna be end. We just got into a fight.

[Holly]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Liv]

It's cut out. Like, this is what happens when I drink. Everyone starts fighting. Like, ask anyone. That's not true.

[Lauren]

We barely fight. We were talking about this yesterday.

[Holly]

Yeah, we were.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Last night I said, should I fight?

[Holly]

Wait, should I sort of fight now? Yeah. Okay.

[Lauren]

No.

[Holly]

What are we gonna fight about?

[Lauren]

We don't. We don't fight. We have one big fight a year.

[Liv]

It's all my birthday, and it's always on July.

[Holly]

It's always on July 23rd.

[Liv]

So the day is.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's not the best day to have a fight.

[Liv]

No, it's on July 22nd.

[Lauren]

I think you should not invite me to your birthday.

[Holly]

I think I should, like.

[Lauren]

I think you should do something. You should hide in your room.

[Liv]

No, no. Guys, guys.

[Lauren]

This is the craziest intro ever. No, guys, we're arguing and we're talking about how Lauren should quarantine on her birthday.

[Liv]

I'm like, too hungover.

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah. I don't know, guys. And I was.

[Holly]

I didn't drink, but I went home so late that I could be hungover.

[Lauren]

I know.

[Liv]

So, so late.

[Lauren]

You guys got up to leave?

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

You guys got up to go. And what happened? You came back?

[Liv]

Well, Connor Wood was like, you're really gonna leave? And I look at Lauren, I go, lauren, I'm gonna stay.

[Lauren]

And she stayed.

[Liv]

You're gonna stay? I was like, yeah. She goes, well, then I'm gonna stay. And we had a grand night.

[Lauren]

It goes both ways.

[Holly]

We should get her. What do you mean by that?

[Liv]

What do you mean by that?

[Holly]

What do you mean?

[Lauren]

Okay, we decide. Okay, we go. My notes app. Because I wrote things down. I want to see if it makes any sense to you guys.

[Liv]

I feel like I'm being really. I'm not trying to be. I'm just so not. Okay. And these are really bright.

[Holly]

Forgiven.

[Liv]

Well, I'm not, you know.

[Lauren]

Are you worried about the commenters?

[Liv]

Yeah, it was more so talking to.

[Lauren]

Yeah, to the audience. What I have my notes is Lexapro, the guy that talks about making $2.5 million last year.

[Holly]

That was a really good one.

[Lauren]

Wait, okay, so this guy who I haven't hooked up with yet, and I don't think I'm going to hook up with him after this conversation that happened was so up the other night. And he's like an older guy. He's like a Daddy.

[Holly]

He's like 40.

[Lauren]

He's 42. I looked it up.

[Holly]

Yes, you do?

[Lauren]

Yeah. He's literally gray. No, no, no.

[Holly]

But in a hot way. He's not. Like, he's not skinned. His hair is gray.

[Liv]

It's white.

[Holly]

In a hot way.

[Lauren]

I'm like, he smells like death already. And.

[Holly]

And he's dying, and he's giving George Clooney.

[Lauren]

Okay, he's hot. Yes, he's very hot, but not after this conversation. So he was trying to get me to link up, and he's kind of, like, needy. Like, won't he, like, triple quadruple text me? Me, wishes me every happy holiday? And it just kind of gives me that. It's like. Like, don't you have work to do? That's kind of the vibe.

[Holly]

Clearly not.

[Lauren]

Clearly.

[Liv]

Clearly not enough work.

[Host (Hallie)]

All right.

[Lauren]

So he calls me at 5am and I'm just kind of entertaining it. And he's just like, I'm just really stressed. And I've had a conversation with an actual billionaire like this, But I made.

[Holly]

$45 million last year, and it feels really weird, and I don't know what to do.

[Host (Hallie)]

Do it myself.

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah. Okay. So that was that guy. But people are gonna get confused.

[Host (Hallie)]

So this guy called me, and he.

[Lauren]

Was like, I just feel really weird. Like, I just made 2.5. He goes, I made $2.5 million last year.

[Liv]

Like, congratulations, dude.

[Lauren]

And I'm like. I'm like, so, like, I would keep this information to yourself. I was like, I hope you're not calling any other girl like this.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

He thought he was, like, stopping me in my tracks. That, like, that was the most insane amount.

[Liv]

Like, $holly was like 2.5 million.

[Lauren]

He thought I would just, like, come.

[Liv]

Over in that moment, put a baby in me. Like, absolutely not this.

[Holly]

And Jordan was like, you three have the most unrealistic view of money.

[Lauren]

Go big or go home. And he's like, and I'm on track to make it again this year.

[Holly]

I was like, not the track.

[Lauren]

I was like. He's like, I'm on track to do it again. He goes, it's looking like it might happen again.

[Liv]

Like, buy a cute house and shut the up.

[Lauren]

I'm like, babe, like, what?

[Liv]

That's really.

[Lauren]

Keep that information to yourself. No, he was broke.

[Liv]

I thought he was a billionaire.

[Lauren]

I thought he was a billionaire.

[Liv]

I thought that too. I think the way he walks, too. Like, he just. He's got it, you know?

[Lauren]

Like, the kind of guy where I'm.

[Holly]

Like, what made us think that, though?

[Lauren]

I was just. Because he hangs out with billionaires.

[Liv]

Someone told me along the way that he was. And I. I.

[Host (Hallie)]

He.

[Liv]

I believed it because he fit the bill. Like, he looks the part.

[Lauren]

No pun intended, but, like, by proxy, I thought he was a B. Yeah. And not like a low M. Like, like, he was. I don't care. I don't care. No, I'm not. I'm not saying that. It's not a lot of money. Hold on.

[Liv]

Let me apologize.

[Lauren]

Let me apologize. Like, I thought he was.

[Liv]

Apology right now.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought at least he was a B. He's the lowest of animals.

[Holly]

Sending me.

[Liv]

No, he's a low tier M.

[Host (Hallie)]

I.

[Liv]

Thought he was a mid B. He turns out to be a large it.

[Lauren]

I don't even know how he. Like, he's barely an M.

[Liv]

Sorry, sorry.

[Lauren]

I'm sorry. This is bad. But just, like, based off of, like, his friends, I thought he was at least a middle M. All right. Anyways, he's not getting his dick sucked, but, like. All right, let's move on to the next thing. At the same time, Lo and Laura. What?

[Holly]

What?

[Liv]

What? Lauren called snowflakes.

[Lauren]

Snowballs today.

[Liv]

We're FaceTiming all morning because we literally can't do anything without being on the phone with each other. Lauren goes, guys, just keep in mind, she brought it up 10 times about the snow this morning. Like, we get it.

[Lauren]

I don't. Shock.

[Liv]

She goes, guys, look outside. There's snowballs coming out of the sky.

[Holly]

No, I said the snowballs look really big today.

[Liv]

Snowballs.

[Holly]

You know what? My brain didn't work quick enough to get me to the word snowflake.

[Liv]

You're just rushing.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah. My apartment has no feng shui.

[Liv]

You're.

[Host (Hallie)]

What?

[Liv]

What? Wait, what did you.

[Holly]

You have no fun.

[Lauren]

What My apartment has.

[Host (Hallie)]

No.

[Lauren]

Is. What do you mean by that?

[Liv]

Wait, Is that a question someone wrote in?

[Holly]

Actually, your apartment does have fun. Feng shui is a flow.

[Lauren]

The construction of my apartment has feng shui. But, like, how I decorate has no feng shui.

[Liv]

No, the way you. I think it's other way around. The way you decorate, it has feng shu. Your apartment in inherently does not have great feng shui because it's. It's like a long, narrow.

[Holly]

Google it.

[Liv]

But you did a good job at.

[Lauren]

I thought direct furnishing maybe, but, like, there's a TV on my right side of my bed.

[Liv]

I know. You could have got one of those easel things.

[Lauren]

What's an easel?

[Liv]

So it's literally like a. It looks like a. Like a tripod kind of. But they're pretty. They're like wood.

[Lauren]

Like they've.

[Liv]

And look it up like TV on a tripod. And you can like wheel it around the room.

[Lauren]

I think that's kind of sauce. Like if I like was wheeling around my tv.

[Liv]

Well, they don't all have wheels. Like some of them also.

[Lauren]

Where would my tarp go? Where would my tarp go?

[Liv]

Your tarp?

[Lauren]

The tarp that's in front of my bed. Where would my tarp go?

[Liv]

The tarp that looks like it's always about to be picked up, but it's there every day. It's like a part of it's getting picked up. Holly has a massive IKEA bag. Just like.

[Holly]

I just had a really intrusive thought.

[Liv]

What was it? Tell me to kick the drink.

[Holly]

No, I don't, no, I don't, I don't know if this is intrusive or inappropriate thought. You know, it's like you're in a hospital and you're carrying around your thing with you.

[Lauren]

How often are you in a hospital? How often are you in a hospital?

[Liv]

Just picture her oxygen tank.

[Holly]

Guys.

[Lauren]

That's going to be me.

[Holly]

I fear one day.

[Liv]

Except it's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. That's Holly's oxygen tank. I have tears in my eyes. I it's just middle aged women fighting.

[Lauren]

I I, I'm an iPad kid, but with Real Housewives.

[Holly]

No, Hel, you're worse.

[Lauren]

You so I think I have sensory issues. I might be in the spectrum.

[Liv]

Every time you call me, I have so do you see my eyes? I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

[Lauren]

When I left my apartment tonight, I had Banner pom rules on in three different room.

[Liv]

Of course you did.

[Holly]

They're all playing different episodes and I'm tuned into each one.

[Liv]

Every room she walks into, it's like a new, new adventure. It's like a new vibe.

[Lauren]

It's a good.

[Holly]

She's.

[Liv]

You would think she's studying the show.

[Lauren]

I think I can recite it.

[Liv]

I think I could verbatim every time. Guys, when we go to Nantucket over the summer, I like, pray to God I don't have to sleep in the twin bed room with Halle because she blasts.

[Lauren]

I used to. I put AirPods in.

[Liv]

I just lost my train of thought.

[Holly]

No, I know what you. I know she blasted on her computer.

[Liv]

Even when you put your AirPods on.

[Holly]

I'm like, I can still hear how.

[Liv]

Are you sleeping with your AirPods blaring.

[Lauren]

It calms me down to hear middle aged women fight. And if you don't get the vibes. You don't get the vibes.

[Liv]

No, I get it.

[Holly]

I've talked about this before. You. I now realize Halle's fighting style makes so much sense. Oh, my God.

[Liv]

Give me that right now.

[Holly]

She's really funny.

[Lauren]

Okay, what else can we talk about besides trashing me and my love for Real Housewives?

[Liv]

Wait. I feel bad that we started the podcast off on a bad note.

[Holly]

We didn't. It was a funny note.

[Lauren]

It was just real girly.

[Liv]

Kind of like went at it.

[Holly]

But that's. What? That's. We started dating.

[Lauren]

There was a miscommunication. And then I did say that.

[Liv]

You did. And I wasn't offended.

[Lauren]

I don't think I thank you for not saying that.

[Liv]

You said it too, and I heard you.

[Lauren]

What did I say?

[Liv]

You go, this is what they do. They don't drink. And I go, fine, I'm. You know what then?

[Lauren]

No, but I was like, this is what they do sometimes they don't drink, but you don't.

[Host (Hallie)]

I was.

[Lauren]

My point was don't force them to drink. Cuz I'm trying to get you to drink.

[Holly]

Don't force them.

[Lauren]

Is that.

[Liv]

Yeah, no, no, I. Accurate. No, I get it. But I heard that and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna drink you.

[Lauren]

So you drink and sit out in 5am and stay with me.

[Liv]

I had so much fun. Like, let me just tell you, the funnest nights are when you only have a few drinks and you're with the gays. By gays. And I just. We were with all gay men. When I'm with these gay men, they make me feel like I am a supermodel. Like, the way that my gay friends gas me up is like no other. And I really needed that.

[Lauren]

And they're like, it's just safe. Like, they don't want to you. Yeah. They don't like me though. Like, literally I can't even talk about it. Like, literally no one wants to obsess me. And it's really mugged up.

[Holly]

Holly randomly texted the other day. I'm in one. What did you text me?

[Lauren]

Because you know, like, how I am when I don't get laid for a certain period of time, I start losing. I'll like lose the color of my face. She goes, weight. I'll lose the will to live. I'll lose anything. I have basically dignity.

[Holly]

She's like, literally Jennifer's body.

[Lauren]

I've always said this.

[Holly]

And then you can have a man.

[Lauren]

And then like, I need to feed off a man's soul. And then, like, I wake up the next morning and I have the colors back into my face. I'm chipper. You're chipper. But, like, I'm just trying to be more selective.

[Liv]

Can we find sleep someone to tonight like I'm trying to maybe today.

[Lauren]

Are you saying if you notice changes in my mood.

[Liv]

No, I. No, I just want you to be, like, happy.

[Lauren]

I do look gray, though. And people have been dming me that.

[Liv]

You don't look great. It's just the middle of winter, but.

[Lauren]

I got a spray tan last week.

[Liv]

Oh, you did?

[Lauren]

So I'm like, that's bad.

[Liv]

I need a spray dancer. I have a headache.

[Host (Hallie)]

New year is the moment everyone is reflecting, resetting, and rewriting their story. January is about turning that strategy into action. And Shopify makes that first step easier than ever. Whether you're dreaming up a side hustle or finally ready to bet on yourself, Shopify is a platform that helps you become who you're meant to be. No more waiting. No more maybe. Even if you have no idea what your brand vibe is yet, Shopify makes it so easy to pick up a theme and customize your store so it feels like you. And if you're building solo iconic, Shopify basically becomes your entire back office. The ops girly you don't have to hire so you can focus on the stuff you actually care about. Are you guys trying to start a business in 2026? I have so many friends that have used Shopify to power their businesses and they tell me they absolutely love it. If 2026 is your year, go to shopify.com extra dirty and make your move.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Commercial Disclaimer Voice]

Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans. Plus the cost of optional benefits plan features in Texas. And fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits, credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[Lauren]

Who's the bigger baby hungover? You or you?

[Holly]

Me for sure.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I would. This is just me for sure.

[Holly]

I'm such a baby hungover that I don't drink because I fear it.

[Liv]

Yeah, and you're Russian.

[Lauren]

You should be housing.

[Holly]

I'm a Jew though.

[Liv]

Jesus.

[Holly]

Don't process alcohol.

[Lauren]

That's a religion.

[Liv]

Lauren, that seems a little anti.

[Holly]

I'm just gonna. No, it's like a thing my dad.

[Host (Hallie)]

Told me Judaism is a belief.

[Lauren]

It's not like a genetic makeup, is it? I feel like we're getting on dicey field right now.

[Holly]

Let's look it up.

[Lauren]

I think it is genetic. What if I converted to Judaism though tomorrow I wouldn't process alcohol differently.

[Liv]

I think it is.

[Lauren]

You know what I mean?

[Liv]

Wait, that's imagination.

[Holly]

Studies suggest Jews, particularly Ashkenazi Jews, process alcohol differently due to a genetic mutation. Adh something to blah blah. That makes the more sense I am. I'm an Ashkenazi.

[Host (Hallie)]

Okay.

[Lauren]

That's like learn something new every day.

[Holly]

That's a genetic makeup is like what kind? There's like Sephardic Jews and then there's Ashkazi Jews. I'm an Ashkazi Jew. That makes them more sensitive to alcohol though. Though cultural factors also play a role. Those cultural factors might be my parents. Yeah.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Did you not grow up with like parents that were drinkers? That is why I'm such. I'm like maybe a functioning alcoholic, but like I think my parents are too.

[Holly]

Well, like my parents, like I honestly growing up, I think I rarely saw. I think I saw my dad drink a glass of wine like maybe once a month.

[Liv]

My dad never drinks ever.

[Holly]

Really.

[Liv]

My dad never drinks. My mom will have a cocktail here and there, but she's Irish. Like whenever parents.

[Holly]

You know how like you gift alcohol to people. Yeah. Like my parents like re. Gift the alcohol. Like they don't drink it. Like they don't touch.

[Lauren]

My parents just drink every single day. Yeah.

[Holly]

But like they have like cocktails and that's like their moment to like sit down and be together. Like my parents, like.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's a cultural thing for them.

[Liv]

They have good wine. Like they like literally collect wine.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Like it's like a hobby. And it's not like they're just drinking to get hammered. They drink cuz they like enjoy the wine that they've collected and they like open a new bottle every week or like whatever.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

They're not like abusing it.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I guess, I guess maybe I'm.

[Holly]

They work out the next day. Like they're.

[Lauren]

I know they do work out.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Host (Hallie)]

I don't.

[Lauren]

I think it offsets guilt.

[Holly]

I know. But I don't know how they do that. Like I don't know how you wake up in the morning after. Cuz I've drank with them and then. And I like pretty much end up in the hospital every time.

[Liv]

I, I, I did one time too almost.

[Holly]

And then they're like up and at him. And the next morning being like, how you doing? Already worked out already. Probably had a smoothie. I was like, yeah.

[Liv]

They're like, what have you guys done today so far?

[Lauren]

We're like, I know. That's been their new thing. I'll, like, come down at, like, 1pm and they'll be like, what you do today? I'm like, I literally just stood up from bed. Like, what do you mean? What did I do today?

[Liv]

I had so much fun last night.

[Holly]

Oh, my God. Okay, stop rubbing it in.

[Liv]

No, I had fun with you. No, I'd find I was just so tired. But after you left, it was all a blur. Like, the fun was you were there.

[Lauren]

The fun was for when you were there.

[Liv]

After Lauren left, it all went downhill.

[Holly]

It all went downhill.

[Lauren]

All right, now we're gonna get into a segment where, like, we're actually talking about things that matter.

[Holly]

Yes, those things that we just talked about did matter. We talked about Ashkenazi juice as a genetic makeup. Thank you.

[Lauren]

So how your beliefs affected the way you process alcohol.

[Liv]

But, like, like, like, like, I'm so lost.

[Lauren]

All right, this is a listener dm.

[Liv]

I have half of a brain.

[Lauren]

Guys, listen to Halle Bachelder.

[Liv]

Listen.

[Lauren]

Hi, Hallie.

[Host (Hallie)]

Please, I need your advice and some.

[Lauren]

Juicy tea to share on. Extra dirty. I'm a hostess, and there's this hot six, seven. Oh, six.

[Holly]

What does that mean? Like, he's six, seven.

[Lauren]

Guys, we're way too old to be making that joke.

[Liv]

All right, continue.

[Lauren]

Hot, six, seven, Security guard. So we work attached at the hip. Every shift, same entrance, same floor, constant eye contact, insane chemistry. We went out with a big group one night. I blacked out, apparently started kissing his neck like it was my job. What is your job? And took him home. Zero memory, Just consequences. After that, work stayed flirty and normal. We went on an actual date again, sober and fully caught feelings. Because he's hot and I see him more than my own friends. Now he won't text me, but still stands next to me or acting like nothing happened. I didn't just want to hook up. I wanted him to be my hot work boyfriend. Instead, I got dick, silence and eight hour shifts together. Please advise before I lose my mind. Damn, this is a pickle. I would quit.

[Liv]

I would wear something really hot to work and literally treat him like you have no idea who he is. I would do that. Be so to him. Literally just be like, oh.

[Lauren]

Like, give him, like, more. Make his job harder.

[Liv]

Other guys, even if you're not actually flirting with them, Just flirt with other guys.

[Holly]

Just never make eye contact.

[Liv]

I know this sounds toxic, but, like, this is what you have to do. Be so.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Be so con. Look so hot at work.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Spend an extra 15 minutes, tries to.

[Liv]

Hit you up again. You need to stay strong. Like. Like, just so you know, it's over with him. Like, no more. No more.

[Holly]

Let's imitate it. Okay, Ready?

[Lauren]

Liv's taking this advice really seriously.

[Holly]

Live is the girl, and I'm the.

[Lauren]

Yeah, that's role playing. Okay. I would love to play with you.

[Holly]

I was gonna role play to the left.

[Liv]

Remember when Holly was right?

[Lauren]

I'm gonna stay here on my show.

[Liv]

Holly, remember you were rubbing my leg last night, and I literally got horny. I was like, stop touching me. I haven't.

[Lauren]

I'm, like, a very physical touch person. I will always be grabbing someone's cross.

[Holly]

Why is your hand so cold? Oh, because it's on the glass. Okay, Live.

[Lauren]

Ready?

[Host (Hallie)]

Go.

[Holly]

Hey. How you been?

[Liv]

Great.

[Holly]

Oh, that's good. Okay, do it one more time. Now you do me.

[Lauren]

Can you do it to me?

[Holly]

Wait, is somebody doing.

[Liv]

Are you the girl?

[Holly]

I'm the girl. Wait, hold on. I need to be serious. Hold on.

[Host (Hallie)]

Guys.

[Lauren]

We're legitimately losing brain cells.

[Liv]

All right, Halle, Ready? You be the girl. Ready?

[Lauren]

All right.

[Liv]

What's up, sexy?

[Lauren]

Yum.

[Liv]

Right now.

[Holly]

That would work on me. Okay, I'm ready. Now I'm ready. Not the cheesets.

[Lauren]

This is an Aviator Nation collab with Lola blankets.

[Holly]

Oh, that's what it is. I thought it was Louis Vuitton. Please.

[Lauren]

You think I would carry Louis Vuitton?

[Liv]

There's lightning bolts.

[Holly]

Okay, do me. I'm ready.

[Host (Hallie)]

All right.

[Liv]

Do me.

[Lauren]

Oh, my gosh. You just did. You.

[Holly]

You lost your chance.

[Liv]

Okay, ready?

[Lauren]

All right.

[Liv]

Hey, girl, Your ass looks really good.

[Lauren]

In that apron in that thing.

[Holly]

This is the face I give Jordan.

[Liv]

I was watching you walk to the.

[Lauren]

Kitchen, and I wanted to get up on that thing.

[Liv]

That thing. That thing was moving.

[Holly]

That's a shame. One of those three.

[Lauren]

All right, let's go on to the next one. I think she understand. Understands what to do. Also, don't do.

[Liv]

Don't hook up with him again. Please don't hook up with him again, because then you lose all credibility. And he's like, oh, yeah, that. Also.

[Lauren]

He'll probably come back eventually when his dick is throbbing, but.

[Liv]

And don't.

[Lauren]

Don't do it. Although, like, I probably would. Okay, these are confessions from listeners. I helped a high school classmate smuggle illegal animals.

[Holly]

What?

[Lauren]

What's an illegal animal. Like a chihuahua.

[Holly]

Like a panther?

[Lauren]

Probably, like, panda. Like. Like endangered species.

[Holly]

Species.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

What do you mean, like a rhino?

[Lauren]

How do you even do that? Like, through the airport security.

[Liv]

Skip this one. Sorry.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it kind of feels like a little about, like.

[Liv]

Just get a dog.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Like, I don't know.

[Lauren]

Thumb was reattached. The hand after the accident. What? Oh.

[Holly]

Was reattached? What are you talking. I read it.

[Lauren]

Not in order. I'm sorry. Okay, wait, hold on.

[Liv]

She's, like, reading an autopsy report. Was reattached.

[Holly]

Like, what?

[Lauren]

Guys, I was. By a toe, but the toe is on his hand as a thumb because he had an accident and the thumb was reattached.

[Holly]

The hand. Shut the up. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

[Lauren]

In my whole entire life.

[Liv]

I'm getting really anxious.

[Host (Hallie)]

Ew.

[Holly]

It was probably, like, fat and chilly.

[Liv]

No, no. I'm actually so anxious, it probably felt good.

[Lauren]

Okay, subjects. You can't skip every confession. They're confessions for a reason.

[Liv]

Dude, it's freaking me out. I'm sorry. Like, there was a thumb in your vagina.

[Lauren]

I mean.

[Host (Hallie)]

I mean.

[Lauren]

All right, this. Have you never gotten by a toe? I feel like if guys put his foot in there at one point.

[Liv]

Okay, you.

[Lauren]

Yeah, maybe.

[Liv]

Who? What do you mean, me? I don't know.

[Lauren]

If I was super silly by a.

[Liv]

Toe, I would know. I would know. Like, I would be like, oh, remember that time I got fucked?

[Lauren]

Right?

[Liv]

Of course I remember it was a toe. But.

[Lauren]

But, like, maybe they just, like, slip it in. Like they're pretending you're like a soccer ball.

[Liv]

What do you mean, just slip it in?

[Holly]

How do you just slip in a foot? It's not what I.

[Host (Hallie)]

You're.

[Lauren]

We're definitely not doing the same thing. Okay, I rob men nightly at my job.

[Holly]

I rob.

[Liv]

That's fine.

[Lauren]

Do you know what robbing is?

[Host (Hallie)]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Well, you could have said rub. I could have heard rub, not rob. That's why I was clarifying, Lauren.

[Lauren]

Okay, Rob.

[Holly]

Rob.

[Lauren]

I steal from men nightly at my job. Honestly, no.

[Liv]

What is. We need to go back. What do you mean, rub? Rub it.

[Holly]

Rub men.

[Lauren]

Like, if you're in masseuse, like, she's rubbing men or she works at.

[Liv]

You thought she said rub.

[Lauren]

11 said rub. There's rubbers at 11 in Miami. They rub. They come up to you, behind you, and they rub your shoulders.

[Liv]

I thought something else.

[Holly]

Oh, like a missing.

[Lauren]

Why is my hand like this?

[Liv]

I thought. Lauren thought the past tense of Rob was rub.

[Lauren]

Honestly, I Questioned it for a minute myself. I had to reread it in my head.

[Holly]

I would do something.

[Lauren]

All right, so you rob men nightly at your club.

[Liv]

Good for you. I love that.

[Host (Hallie)]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

At your job. But what is your job?

[Holly]

She's taking a lot.

[Lauren]

I hope you take a lot of money, girl.

[Liv]

Literally, go for, like, do your thing.

[Lauren]

Have you ever taken money from a guy?

[Liv]

No, never.

[Lauren]

I guess that's, like, all we do in relationships, though.

[Liv]

Well, like, in the form of gifts maybe and things.

[Holly]

And I owe Jordan a lot of money that I'm sitting on.

[Lauren]

You owe him money?

[Holly]

Yeah. I'll, like, go to the grocery store and I'll charge him for half. And then he will go out to dinner and he'll pay. And I'll probably also ask for half.

[Liv]

Yeah, yeah, girl.

[Lauren]

Math.

[Liv]

I mean, that's just how it was.

[Lauren]

But, like, you guys are about to be married, so, like, whatever. Everything's half now.

[Holly]

He told me that he needs to see six months of bank statements before he agrees to sharing. Sharing a.

[Lauren]

What do you mean?

[Holly]

I spend a lot of money. It's a problem.

[Liv]

H. She spends everything on clothes.

[Lauren]

Really?

[Liv]

Everything.

[Holly]

I spend, like, everything.

[Lauren]

It's really scary.

[Holly]

But I have, like, a lot of my investments, you know?

[Liv]

What your ap.

[Holly]

No, no, no. Like, I have a lot of my investment accounts.

[Lauren]

But, like, what investment accounts are you talking about? Like, what are you invested in?

[Holly]

Well, I don't know. My dad. Can I invest a lot of my stocks?

[Liv]

Oh, yeah, he does. He does. Lauren's dad does day trading.

[Holly]

He's, like, really in the middle of seeing patients.

[Liv]

Yeah, like, day trading.

[Lauren]

Hearing his stomach.

[Holly]

Like, it's actually really funny. Get, like, random alerts. Being like, something was traded and it's like one o' clock in between a patient. He was like, oh, I'm going to, you know, like.

[Liv]

Which, by the way, I respect your hustle. Like, you have a safety net, and your safety net is Jordan. So spend that money, girl. Get those pony hair heels.

[Holly]

I agree.

[Lauren]

I think. I legitimately think Jordan is literally the best at his job.

[Holly]

He's so good.

[Lauren]

Like, I wouldn't trust anyone else with my money, and I never will.

[Liv]

I literally left my old wealth manager for Jordan after knowing him for two months.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Like, there. He's just, like, so legit and so good at his job and so professional.

[Holly]

Isn't it crazy how smart he is now?

[Lauren]

He's so smart. When we met Jordan, her fiance, he was the dumbest guy ever. I swear. I used to be like. Like, he was so Dumb.

[Holly]

He really was. He like, he really was.

[Lauren]

No, we used, we used to tag team, make fun of him.

[Holly]

It was really bad. I got really frustrated at one point when he was still in school. I was like, we gotta wrap this up. You gotta go into the real world. You gotta learn. Yeah.

[Lauren]

He was also like in college, I guess and like focused on basketball. Yeah.

[Holly]

But that's what he does. He focuses on one thing. He focused on basketball and he worked so hard at basketball and he was like really good for his height and size.

[Liv]

Screaming. He was really good for his height, size and build.

[Holly]

And then he left and he focused on finance. And I was really, really, really good at ultra high net worth.

[Lauren]

He's really good on this.

[Liv]

He is. Let me tell you something.

[Lauren]

You know who.

[Liv]

Jordan Made me a good buck last year. I invested all my money with Jordan. Continue to. Is this not for Jordan?

[Lauren]

For new edge, More money. You know who's not gonna be. You know whose wealth isn't gonna be managed by Jordan? Who? The guy that made $2.5 million. Yeah.

[Holly]

He doesn't cut it.

[Lauren]

No.

[Liv]

Goodbye.

[Holly]

He doesn't cut it.

[Liv]

He doesn't fit the bill.

[Lauren]

No. Okay, next confession. I don't know how he got on this tangent.

[Holly]

Okay.

[Host (Hallie)]

Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay giving you access to up to 500 of your paycheck any in getting paid up to 2 days early with direct deposit. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com/rintage that is chime.com extra dirty Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services the secured Chime Visa credit card in my pay line of credit provided by The Bank Corp. NA or or Stride Bank NA MyPay eligibility requirements apply in credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+ status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. No minimum balance required. Chime card on time Payment history a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Commercial Disclaimer Voice]

Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits plan features in Texas and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits. Credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[Lauren]

I once gave a guy ahead just so I could use his lake house and ride the jet skis. He. He looked like my ex. This sounds like a.

[Liv]

That sounds great.

[Lauren]

Like a great Saturday.

[Holly]

Like a lot of girls. I feel like it's a pretty like bonus.

[Lauren]

Like, if you have a summer home, I will sleep with you.

[Holly]

It's like the if you have a boat thing.

[Lauren]

I don't know if I don't really care about boats.

[Holly]

What about a yacht?

[Lauren]

I mean, I did go yacht shopping with what's his face.

[Host (Hallie)]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That we will not name. But we talk about him all the time on here. And I will say I was aroused after yacht shopping. Yeah, but it was a yacht. Like, I don't want to be on your dinghy. My ex from high school, he, like had a fisherman boat. And I was like, this is sauce. Like, it smells like salmon. You smell like salmon and you have calluses all over your hand.

[Host (Hallie)]

Wait.

[Lauren]

I was talking to someone that went.

[Liv]

To college with him the other day.

[Lauren]

And did he talk about it? He was like, my. He went to the same school as him in college and he was saying that his ex used to hook up with him with my ex. And he was like, he had the rap for being like the meanest. Like, he has a horrible reputation at.

[Holly]

Like, very religious.

[Lauren]

Yeah, he's pretty religious. But he's actually the most narcissistic, biggest I've ever met. He was just like such a loser. I remember my first car I got. I remember the. So clear as day. My dad got me a range over a book and I was so excited about it. And he goes, I can't believe your dad got you that. Like, this is just so, like, it's disgusting. Like, blah, blah.

[Host (Hallie)]

And I was like, it's my birthday.

[Lauren]

I'm sorry. You're weird and you don't have good taste in cars and you have a Tacoma.

[Liv]

He was jealous.

[Lauren]

He was jealous and jealous of you.

[Holly]

He also didn't like a guy.

[Lauren]

He didn't like me. Like, I've always had a personality where I feel like I'm kind of like an attention a little bit. And he. He didn't want me to get attention from anyone.

[Liv]

Was he an attention?

[Holly]

Did he like attention?

[Host (Hallie)]

Well, he was a period.

[Lauren]

He Would cheat on me the most. Beat chicks.

[Holly]

Did he, like, attention Sounds like the worst person, like, in a room. Did he want to be the center of attention?

[Lauren]

He just, like, had a smug attitude, like, he was better than anything else.

[Liv]

He sounds like, you're playing.

[Lauren]

You're playing hockey at a D3 school. Like, you're not even that good at whatever you're doing. Like, I can't even hear it.

[Holly]

Strangely, you guys dated. That seems like a. I think we.

[Lauren]

Dated because I was a different person in high school. In high school, I hadn't hooked up with anyone. I was very, like, goody two shoes. Like, really snorting Adderall to me was really nuts. We used to do that in high school.

[Holly]

I really, like, wish I could go back and see you in high school.

[Lauren]

Yeah. I honestly really think he, like, damaged my outlook on men and how I approach men.

[Holly]

That's really sad.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Because I'm gonna get him.

[Lauren]

You would hate him. He's five' seven.

[Liv]

What?

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Liv]

So he's a dick.

[Lauren]

He had a big one, though. He had a great dick.

[Liv]

And he's five' seven.

[Lauren]

I'll give him that. I'm, like, triggered even thinking about him. Like, all right.

[Liv]

My high school boyfriend was so narcissistic and terrible. I just.

[Lauren]

I mean, like, do you, like, vet that to age, though, or do you, like.

[Holly]

The person?

[Lauren]

But he was, like, so mean to me.

[Holly]

Clearly. He was mean in college too. So it.

[Liv]

One time, my high school boyfriend was so mad at me because basically he thought this kid at school was flirting with me. Keep in mind, this is the sweetest kid ever.

[Holly]

Crazy people.

[Liv]

So he sent his friends to go take a baseball bat to that kid's car. Ruined the kid's car. So I'm on the phone with the kid. I'm like. Because he's like, I'm pressing charges. And I was like, please don't. Like, he's gonna. Like, I was like, please. Like, I'll help. Like, I'm so sorry. I don't know how this happened. Like, please don't press charges. I go to my boyfriend's house at the time. He's like, phone. Every time I went over, he'd be like, phone. And he would just go through my phone. I'd be like, yes. He went through my phone. Saw that I had been on the phone with him, and he got so mad, and he goes, get the out of my house before I do something I regret. Like. Like, as if he was gonna, like, hit me.

[Holly]

What?

[Host (Hallie)]

Yeah.

[Liv]

It was insane. So we run outside My ex boyfriend. For my. I have no pictures of him.

[Lauren]

Where does he live?

[Liv]

I have no idea. He's blocked and everything. He's like the loser. If you're seeing this, you're such a loser.

[Holly]

That's actually. I just. I can't believe you guys dated people like that.

[Liv]

It was terrible. I mean, I. We ended right after that. That was like the final straw.

[Holly]

I was like, what?

[Liv]

Yeah, but that. But my point is like that shapes you. Like that shaped it. Ruined my next relationship with my great boyfriend. My ex. My great ex boyfriend.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Holly]

You always thought.

[Liv]

Yes, he was. He was a sweetheart. Like my first boyfriend in college was this sweetest kid ever. Like, he was the best boyfriend. And I ruined it. Cuz I was so up from my ex. Like, I was so up. I. I just didn't know how to be normal in a relationship.

[Holly]

It's really sad.

[Liv]

It's really sad.

[Holly]

I mean, it's better though to do it when you're like 17, 18.

[Liv]

Totally. Or it'd be better to just walk out of the relationship in the first place, you know?

[Holly]

But you don't know how to do that. Yeah.

[Lauren]

You also don't really have anything to compare it to at that age. So true. So you're like, oh, this is like how you.

[Liv]

This is love. This is love.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's like, God. But like, I don't think I'd put up with that now and be like, babe, I'll destroy you.

[Liv]

No, of course not. No, no, we would never put up with that now.

[Lauren]

I can't make sure a man being mean to you live.

[Liv]

Yeah. It was crazy.

[Lauren]

Or you.

[Liv]

It was crazy.

[Lauren]

I want to be like this.

[Liv]

That's probably what made me like, what? That's probably what made me kind of like hard shelled. Yeah, you know, like those.

[Lauren]

Those same.

[Host (Hallie)]

Literally.

[Lauren]

I have been dating two different guys.

[Host (Hallie)]

With the same name and they're labeled.

[Lauren]

Jake 1 and Jake number 2.

[Holly]

Do we know Jake 1 or Jake?

[Liv]

Well, whoever Jake is, you should probably go with him.

[Holly]

Allie one time sent me a Snapchat one time like this. And the. The caption was me scrolling through my.

[Lauren]

It's gone extensively longer.

[Liv]

I'm not gonna lie, I'm crying.

[Holly]

It was a good Snapchat. It was really funny.

[Lauren]

Like some of these guys. I don't. Wouldn't pick him out in a lineup.

[Liv]

Wait, wait.

[Lauren]

Can I look at this?

[Holly]

I know that.

[Liv]

Can I look at this?

[Holly]

Holly, one time I walked past the guy in the street, I was like, h. That's the guy. She's like who that she had sex with?

[Lauren]

Yeah. Oh, sometimes I'll reintroduce myself. Can we talk about Lex?

[Host (Hallie)]

Ro Dick.

[Lauren]

Like, would you rather be mentally unwell or would you rather like be mentally well but not get your. Like not have working? Like not have orgasms or get hard? Cuz Lex, like if you were a guy.

[Holly]

If I was a guy, yeah. Well, I think it depends.

[Liv]

Absolutely.

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Read some of the names in my body.

[Liv]

Some of the names on Halle's body count list. Okay. Uncle Hockey. Aristotle.

[Holly]

Poet.

[Liv]

Henry. Hank. Glasses. The blonde. One question marks after each one question mark. North Sea, obviously.

[Lauren]

North Sea's on there.

[Liv]

Obviously.

[Lauren]

Did you get to the mechanic yet?

[Holly]

Firefighter.

[Liv]

Firefighter. Did that say Tesla? No.

[Lauren]

Machine machinery guy.

[Liv]

What?

[Lauren]

The guy that worked on. I didn't know that in college.

[Liv]

I'm freaking out.

[Lauren]

Yeah, that was my judgment was we.

[Liv]

Might have the first walk off on extra dirty. I. I need to breathe. Wait. I have something in my notes that I wanted to talk about.

[Lauren]

Okay, then talk about it. This is the place to do it off though.

[Liv]

I don't remember.

[Lauren]

My brain's not working, so I won't even be offended.

[Liv]

So last night we were talking about how sometimes I go the Lauren way and I don't drink. I get a diet Coke. And sometimes I go the Holly way and I get a martini. But it's like pretty, pretty. Like I'd say it's like 60, 40. And Jordan was like, you know what it is? Holly is literally like the devil on my shoulder with a little martini. She's like, come on, live. Like, let's have a good night.

[Host (Hallie)]

Like.

[Liv]

And then Lawrence on my other shoulder with a diet Coke and she's like, you're gonna hate yourself tomorrow. Don't do it. And it's just so accurate and it's like so cute. Like, I want mini Lauren and Halle.

[Holly]

I want little to get like little like things on your shoulder.

[Liv]

Little like cake toppers.

[Holly]

I just know that I knew that you would need more naps today than usual. Yeah, it is dry January, so I always do it. And I always do it with Jordan. But like in Feb, like I'll get a drink here and there.

[Liv]

Yeah. I can't believe you're not going to get a drink on my birthday.

[Holly]

Do I even need one? I act the same. Do I not act the same?

[Lauren]

Yeah, Lawrence always acted the same.

[Holly]

How funny was I at dinner?

[Lauren]

I like when you don't drink. Honestly.

[Holly]

The dinner when I was honestly actually crying hysterically. Where were we at Chamber. Go.

[Lauren]

What were you Saying when you drink, you get like anxious.

[Holly]

When I drink, I get sick. And then I'm no longer fun and I make everyone's problem.

[Liv]

I think you're fine, but I get it.

[Lauren]

You, like, want to get an iv, but sometimes you are fun.

[Holly]

Sometimes I'm fun.

[Lauren]

But it's like a treat when you get drunk drunk.

[Holly]

It's like Lauren's drinking.

[Lauren]

But like, also, it's so nice in the summer because Lauren can drive the cars. Like, we can get home safe. Like, there's a DD all the time. And like, someone that will, like, she's like my seeing eye dog. Like, she will lead me to the exit.

[Holly]

And sometimes I need to be the sore one because otherwise you guys would literally walk in trees.

[Lauren]

There's. I would die.

[Liv]

Well, I think I'd be fine.

[Lauren]

Live would be fine.

[Holly]

You're fine.

[Liv]

I'm fine.

[Holly]

You're fine.

[Liv]

Like, I don't.

[Lauren]

That was really just targeted at me.

[Liv]

I rarely, like, get. Get hammered. Like, if I'm drinking, I'll have like a cute two drinks.

[Holly]

I'll know you're blackout when you get home and you're like, I'm blackout.

[Lauren]

Wait.

[Liv]

And then I start like screaming and throwing my clothes around.

[Holly]

Yeah, but like, when you're out, you're fine.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

No, my good friends and college friends.

[Lauren]

Wait, I have a question. I have a question. I have a question.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

What would be worse to you? A guy, Your man cheating on you with a girl or a guy?

[Holly]

A girl.

[Lauren]

Oh, that would be worse.

[Holly]

I think I wouldn't take it as personally if it was a guy because.

[Liv]

I'd be like, oh. Like, I'd be like, oh, you just don't go my way.

[Holly]

Like, oh, we can stay friends though. Like, yeah, you like, if it was.

[Liv]

A girl, I'd be like, oh, like.

[Holly]

You think that she's hotter than me.

[Liv]

Yeah. You think she's beautiful.

[Lauren]

I'd be more fun if it was a girl.

[Holly]

I would be more offended if it was a girl. If it was a good guy, I was like, you know, I'd be like, oh, I can't really blame him. It's. It's his sexuality.

[Liv]

Like, you're gay. Like, I'm a gay bestie, but like a girl. No, you're done.

[Lauren]

I want to have three some with two gay men. I've decided.

[Holly]

I think you could probably make that happen very quickly.

[Lauren]

You could probably literally send one text.

[Host (Hallie)]

And it would happen.

[Liv]

You could have done it last night.

[Lauren]

I could have done it last night. I could have had. I could have gotten trained by all gay men. Last time I.

[Holly]

You know who would let you for sure do it?

[Liv]

It.

[Host (Hallie)]

Hunter.

[Holly]

Yes.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

That was the first person that you.

[Lauren]

I mean, me and him almost did something like interesting over new year's. Like, like we almost had like a foursome with one straight guy. His friend was gay and he was hing up with hunter and we're on the same bed with a speaker. And I was like, let's get this thing going.

[Holly]

How Thing about h is like, I'm crying.

[Lauren]

My guy was like, if this was.

[Holly]

Me, like, I would call my friends the next day and be like, I.

[Lauren]

Did the craziest thing last night. I don't tell them any.

[Holly]

She doesn't tell us anything. And then like weeks later she's like, yeah, by the way. Or like hunter said something. We were like, what?

[Lauren]

Yeah. Wait.

[Liv]

And Holly said, yeah, by the way.

[Lauren]

I don't really tell you guys when I hook up with people, but there's been not much to say recently.

[Liv]

No, but even when you are hooking up with people, you won't tell us. Remember that one time she wouldn't tell us who she hooked up with.

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Liv]

You wouldn't tell us who. I was like, holly, we're your best friends.

[Holly]

You're like, I forgot.

[Liv]

It was like I never found out. Then there's me. If I. I mean, I'm obviously in a relationship now, but like before, if I've been like grazed lips with a man, I'd be like, guys, no.

[Lauren]

September was really like, I really need to reel it in. After September, I hooked up like six guys that month or any of them repeat.

[Host (Hallie)]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So I felt like I was recycling. It's good for the environment but headache so bad you have a headache. We're almost done. I believe that American idol can change my life for the better.

[Holly]

Abc. Monday's American idol is new.

[Lauren]

Why are you so emotional?

[Holly]

I didn't think I'd ever get to be somewhere like this.

[Lauren]

Where your vote turns dreamers. You ready for it?

[Holly]

You're on the Hollywood league into idols. There it is.

[Commercial Announcer]

The golden ticket.

[Lauren]

You are inspiring.

[Liv]

You're pretty incredible.

[Commercial Announcer]

American Idol New Mondays, 8, 7 Central.

[Holly]

On ABC and stream on hulu.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Lauren]

You guys have been cracking me up.

[Liv]

Should we talk about the muncher?

[Holly]

No, we just said, oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Lauren got her box munched finally. She doesn't, like, tell the people why. Tell her friends why you don't like getting eaten out.

[Holly]

I don't. I've never liked it. I just. I don't know why. I've never liked it ever. And we were literally sitting at dinner and we were talking about it. And also, keep in mind, our dinners. Our dinners are always me, Liv, Hallie, and Jordan. That man comes with us everywhere. He is one of the girls.

[Lauren]

Yeah, he's the girl.

[Liv]

He's our best friend.

[Holly]

He's our best friend. He is one of the girls. He's best friends with Halle. He's best friends with Liv. Like, he's so just.

[Liv]

I said to Jordan, I said, are you gonna eat out my friend tonight? Because I texted Lauren a couple weeks ago, and I. I just randomly had a thought, and I texted her, and I was like, I'm really concerned. Like, can you let Jordan eat you out? Like, I. Like, I fear you're missing out on, like, a lot in life.

[Lauren]

No. Like, it feels like she, like, wasn't one of us. Right.

[Liv]

And so at dinner, I'm like, are you gonna be my friend? Or whatever? And Lauren's just saying, like, you know, I just don't really like it. And I. As a joke, obviously, everything I say is a joke. And I look at Jordan and I go, maybe it's a Jordan issue. And he goes, can I say it?

[Host (Hallie)]

What?

[Liv]

I used to be known for eating. We go.

[Lauren]

We're like, what? Shut the up.

[Liv]

We all look at him like this. Well, we look at each other like this. We look at Jordan. Yeah, you need to leave.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

And then I was drinking that night, so I'm obviously being crazy. I'm like, oh, my God. And he was best friends with my boyfriend. Like, were they eating together? And then Jordan goes, I'm texting John, and me and Lauren look at each other.

[Lauren]

We go.

[Liv]

They're probably texting about eating.

[Lauren]

We remember when Lauren goes, when I hook up with another guy. Yeah.

[Liv]

But Jordan was basically like, I used to be known for eating. Like, I eat everyone's.

[Lauren]

You know what we were like, yeah, bother me, Lauren. You looked at me. Bothers you? I was literally.

[Host (Hallie)]

Lauren.

[Lauren]

Nothing. Nothing bothers you.

[Holly]

No, I was more like, what Is he saying, like, so funny thing to say? And then now we call him the people.

[Liv]

That was the. I. I laughed so hard in that moment. Like, oh, my God. It was.

[Lauren]

Do you guys think these guys are hot?

[Liv]

Holly's son.

[Holly]

Get off. Rya.

[Liv]

No, stay on.

[Holly]

But now that PM thing is the funniest thing I've ever like.

[Liv]

Also, Jordan told my doorman that he's my brother because we thought it would. My doorman don't see this.

[Lauren]

We thought it'd be, like, easier. Your doorman's an avid follower of action.

[Liv]

Easier for him to get up because, like, I'm not supposed to let guests into my gym in my building, but, like, Jordan, there's no gym in their building. So Jordan comes to my gym, and I usually go down with it.

[Lauren]

Jordan's never asked to come to mind.

[Liv]

But today I was like, so not okay. I was like, you just come get the key. So he told my doorman that he's my brother. And this is a couple weeks ago now. He's done it a few times. Every time he sees me, he's like, what up, Su?

[Lauren]

I'm like, I'm gonna text him right now. Why have you've never asked to come to my gym?

[Liv]

Oh, no.

[Holly]

So wait, the. The next day, like, I was getting my after this dinner, and now we've labeled Jordan the pm the muncher. Liv is literally in the middle of the street, like, running away from him, screaming, the. The PM chasing me and George.

[Liv]

You want get over here.

[Lauren]

He texted me Tuesday at 6:39am and unsented. Why?

[Holly]

Because he meant to send it through.

[Lauren]

His, like, business phone, probably.

[Liv]

Look at this picture of us last night.

[Holly]

Look at Howie. Look.

[Lauren]

Guys, we were on one last night. Wait, Jordan's typing.

[Holly]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

He hasn't slept yet. And he's texting you to meet up at what? Oh, Lauren's face of shock.

[Liv]

Jordan was here. I just like, should we have him?

[Holly]

I went to bed at 1, and I'm struggling, and I didn't even drink. I just don't. I don't understand.

[Lauren]

What do I need?

[Liv]

I kept feeling guilty last night. I kept saying to Holly, like, I feel bad that I'm not going home. She's like, why? Like, have fun. Like, you never stay out this late. It's fine. And I was like, you know what? It is fine. Like, I. I. Oh, I guilt myself. I'm like, I have to stay on my sleep schedule. I have to go home. I have to do this in the morning. Like, I didn't have to do today. Like, it was fine. So I stayed up. Anything to do. Stayed out till 4. Ordered a case last night, and it was at my door this morning.

[Lauren]

I go, I have SAA in lap pool. He goes, lives is closer. He goes, you swear? Question mark? Yes. He goes, that's a game changer.

[Liv]

I'm texting him.

[Holly]

This is what I mean. Like, we're just best dating.

[Lauren]

I thought you were further than five minutes. Who told you that?

[Holly]

I. I don't. Literally don't know. This is so funny.

[Lauren]

We can work out together.

[Liv]

Hallie's trying to hijack my.

[Lauren]

What?

[Holly]

You guys are so.

[Lauren]

Guys. I'm just, like, offended. I didn't know about. Like, you guys were all gonna work out this morning together, and no one asked me.

[Liv]

I don't work out with him.

[Lauren]

I.

[Liv]

When I'm working out. I also let him into my gym. No.

[Holly]

Oh, my God.

[Host (Hallie)]

No.

[Liv]

We don't work out together. We don't even talk.

[Holly]

He's just in there.

[Liv]

No, I just let. I use.

[Lauren]

Because that would be really inappropriate.

[Liv]

Like, when I use my key card, I, like, swipe him in. I'm like, you do your thing.

[Lauren]

Go. You just swipe in to get into your gym? Yeah.

[Holly]

Like a little fob.

[Liv]

Yeah, it's a fob.

[Holly]

Oh, she's about to text him.

[Lauren]

You don't need to swipe into mine.

[Liv]

We'll see who wins.

[Holly]

I was like, I'm gonna make.

[Lauren]

You might be taking Jordan away to my gym.

[Liv]

Wait, guys. No, I'm not. Actually, this is. I think this is funny.

[Lauren]

No, we're. We're just kidding around.

[Holly]

You guys are so funny.

[Liv]

Guys, what do we think? Actually, we need to re. We need a factory reset on all three of us. Look at me.

[Lauren]

How do we factory. What's a factory reset?

[Liv]

Because we're being, like. We're being too adversarial.

[Lauren]

What's that mean?

[Holly]

We're not adversarial.

[Lauren]

We're.

[Liv]

We're being a little adversarial.

[Lauren]

I don't know what that word means.

[Liv]

If you explain a little, like, what do you mean by that? You know?

[Lauren]

And, like, we're just kidding. I'm kidding. I don't think you are.

[Liv]

I am kidding.

[Lauren]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Liv]

If he goes to your gym.

[Lauren]

If we're all kidding, then we're not being adversitario.

[Holly]

I think it's this. I think it's the way that we sat today. I think.

[Lauren]

Yeah. I can't, like, see you enough.

[Liv]

I know.

[Lauren]

And I.

[Liv]

It feels like there's distance between us and I'm longing for your touch we.

[Holly]

Talk about what are we doing tonight or after today?

[Lauren]

So I'm gonna go out.

[Liv]

You're going out right now?

[Lauren]

Probably.

[Holly]

Are you gonna meet up with Connor?

[Lauren]

I'm probably gonna be over Connor.

[Holly]

What are they doing?

[Lauren]

But, like, hopefully he's still awake. I don't know.

[Holly]

I mean, I would hope that he's like, sleeping.

[Liv]

Wait, let's text them.

[Lauren]

Let me text him right now.

[Holly]

But question for you. When you stay out until 7 in the morning. Yeah. Are you like, bounce back the next day or do like, does your sleep get bugged like, a few days after?

[Lauren]

I don't have good sleep anyways.

[Holly]

Like, how, like, what's your, like, you know, sleep schedule?

[Lauren]

Like, every day?

[Holly]

Like, what's a good sleep?

[Lauren]

Yeah, like six hours.

[Liv]

Lauren, do you remember the one?

[Lauren]

Sometimes, some nights I'll like, I'll recharge and say 15. Yes.

[Liv]

One time slept until 10:30 and I was texting Lauren. I was like, going over. Like, she's not. Something happened.

[Lauren]

She's not.

[Liv]

Yes.

[Holly]

I was like, maybe give her another hour.

[Liv]

Cuz h you always wake up. Like you wake up every few hours and you go on your phone. So it all like. It always says you were active a few hours ago and it was 11am and Tik Tok and Instagram both said active yesterday. So before midnight. And I literally was like, lauren, something happened. I was sick. I was calling my mom. I was like, what do I do? I don't want to show up at Hal's door. And then she thinks I'm like, being insane by like showing up at her door. But, like, I'm really worried.

[Holly]

I was like, give her another hour shower.

[Liv]

And I was on my way over. I called John. I'm like, john, what do I do? And he's like, go, go check on Halle. And I was about to leave my apartment and she texted me.

[Holly]

She's like, what?

[Liv]

I was like, oh, thank God.

[Lauren]

Sometimes. Well, because I've been taking like, I'm prescribed, but like, I've been taking like a Xanax on a Sunday just to like, reset. Reset. Which is probably bad.

[Liv]

No, I think it's okay if you're prescribed.

[Holly]

I mean, I would just die. I would just die if I. My schedule, like, what did I do? I was in Miami for Basel and I.

[Lauren]

My schedule has been insane.

[Holly]

Stayed up until 4 in the morning and then I was actually came home and. And. And was not.

[Lauren]

I don't think I've been busier in my whole entire life than I am these past three months. Like, remember that one time I went straight.

[Holly]

Yes.

[Lauren]

I went to Miami and then with Nantucket and then went to Boston within like, five days.

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I was like, I'm not. Okay. I don't. My body doesn't know time zones anymore.

[Holly]

I don't know how you did that. And you were. Were you drinking?

[Lauren]

Of course I was.

[Holly]

I remember, you know, the sky blue.

[Lauren]

Sky blue.

[Holly]

You came home. You came home and you were like, fish, I need to come over. It was like, is that what I made you make my chili? Yes. It was like a Friday. She's like, I can't go out. You need to make chili.

[Liv]

What should we do tomorrow?

[Lauren]

I would love to brunch, but, like, that.

[Liv]

Is it gonna be snowy? Oh, I should have sat like this the whole time. It's so comfy.

[Holly]

Wait, wait.

[Lauren]

Wa.

[Holly]

So Monday.

[Lauren]

We're off.

[Liv]

Monday.

[Lauren]

I'm a influencer.

[Holly]

Okay, well, I'm off.

[Liv]

We're not off on Monday.

[Lauren]

We're on. We are on. We're always on.

[Holly]

I'm off on Monday, so I would like. We should brunch. Let's do a pasties on Monday. Okay. Which one?

[Lauren]

I mean, I can text the girl.

[Liv]

Let's do pasties. Yes.

[Lauren]

Let's do that.

[Liv]

I like pastis for brunch. I like Asheval for like a dinner.

[Holly]

Early dinner.

[Liv]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lauren]

No, this is a great episode, I think.

[Holly]

Think great episode.

[Lauren]

I feel like this is the most raw and authentic we've ever been.

[Holly]

I mean, would definitely been authentic.

[Liv]

I just love being raw for sure and authentic. It's kind of like my brand.

[Lauren]

There's something about being raw and authentic that there's just. You don't talk about enough.

[Liv]

I feel like people don't talk about how Halle literally collabed with Sydney Sweeney and Amanda. Like, that was insane.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

That was sick.

[Lauren]

That was cool.

[Liv]

Yeah, it was so cool. Remember last night? You were so.

[Lauren]

You thought it was AI Holly.

[Liv]

Halle was so drunk last night, being so funny, by the way. Like, oh, my God, how you were on one last night. I was dying laughing the entire time. And then you. You're, like, scrolling through your reels and, like, your ads were popping up and you were like, what? What are we doing?

[Lauren]

I, like, forget I do this as a job. Like, you know, like ads and stuff.

[Liv]

I know.

[Lauren]

I hate listening to myself talk too, which is crazy that this is my job. Okay, we're going to end this episode. I love all you guys. This was insane. And really scary, honestly. And this will be interesting to see how this is all chopp. As always, you can watch on YouTube and listen to me on any other platform.

[Holly]

Any other platform.

[Lauren]

Any other platform. This episode will be interesting. I'm not gonna lie. But I'm very excited for it.

[Host (Hallie)]

All right, love you guys.

[Lauren]

Bye.

[Holly]

We're gonna go later.

[Lauren]

Hey, neighbor.

[Liv]

Celebrate all things spring with Birch Lane.

[Lauren]

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