Bestie catch up: toys, boys, & chaos?!

Summary

EXTRA DIRTY with Hallie Batchelder

Episode: Bestie catch up: toys, boys, & chaos?!

Date: September 11, 2025

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Episode Overview

This week, Hallie Batchelder is joined by her ride-or-die besties Lauren Fishbein and Liv (Graydon Cutler is mentioned but not present) for a full-on, unfiltered sleepover-style catch-up. The trio dives headfirst into Hallie’s recent life chaos, dating droughts, wild sexcapades, toy talk, and NYC girl drama—with plenty of laughter, raw hot takes, confessions, and unexpected philosophical moments. If you’re here for honest friendship energy, oversharing, and unapologetically chaotic girl talk—pour yourself a martini, this is your episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hallie’s "Celebrity Eyes" & Doctor Adventures

[01:56–08:19]

• Hallie discusses her ongoing eye issues—bad vision, astigmatism, and being a little cross-eyed.
• She’s seeking a “celebrity doctor” because, as she says, “I have really bad eyes and I need a celebrity doctor to treat them.” (Hallie, 06:34)
• The conversation devolves hilariously: “No, I don’t know how Helen Keller got anything done. She was supposedly a writer, actor, singer...” (Hallie, 03:10)
• Friends joke about Hallie wanting ‘celebrity eyes’ for better outcomes picking up guys at bars.

Notable Quote:
“My eye prescription is higher than my GPA from college.” (Hallie, 03:48)

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2. Dating Droughts, Self-Reflection & Wanting Attention

[08:19–13:14, 14:58–16:39]

• Hallie admits she’s in a sexual “drought”—joking it’s affecting her health and morale.
• Liv reveals Hallie recently said: “I want a boyfriend” for the first time ever—shocking the friend group.
• They unpack how Hallie’s social media presence, especially talking openly about hookups, makes some guys weird or hesitant.
• Hallie reflects on insecurities, wondering, “Is it something I’m doing wrong, or is it something that’s wrong with me? ...I’m just kind of, like, unwanted, unloved, and rejected by society.” (Hallie, 11:28)
• The group reassures her, chalking it up to energy and not her fault.

Notable Quote:
“Any attention I get is negative attention—from rancid clips I say online...” (Hallie, 09:56)

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3. Vibrator & Sex Toy Recommendations

[16:39–20:35]

• The trio swaps notes on their favorite vibrators, complaining about lack of power and the tragedy of toys dying mid-session.
• Butt plugs are discussed as game-changers, with Hallie humorously endorsing them: “It’s the best thing ever. I put Lauren on.” (Hallie, 18:39)
• They joke about toothbrushes and phones as improvisational toys.

Notable Quote:
“It starts my day. It’s like a coffee.” (Hallie on morning vibrators, 20:26)

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4. Pop Culture Lightning Round: Cardi B, Taylor & Kelsey, Sydney Sweeney

[25:48–31:00]

• Hallie explains the Cardi B trial (“getting sued for like $24 million for... a verbal altercation”) and highlights Cardi’s courtroom sass.
• They gush about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey's engagement, focusing on Taylor’s “just a girl” energy and her “conservative” half-million dollar ring.
• The random revelation of Sydney Sweeney dating Scooter Braun sparks collective confusion—“That’s like, very new and really weird.” (Lauren, 30:03)

Memorable Moment:
“Someone goes, ‘Cardi, you look so pretty.’ She goes, ‘Thank you.’” (Liv, 26:53)

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5. Sexual Preferences, Red Flags & Chaotic Hookup Stories

[36:45–53:00]

• Rapid-fire questions hit everything from “red flag” drink orders (Bellinis, Frappuccinos, Extra Dirty Martinis) to the most chaotic things done post-hookup.
• Hallie on chaotic exits: “I’ve left while the guy was in the shower.” (39:43)
• “I don’t count if I don’t finish.” (Hallie, 45:49)
• Anal sex, butt plugs, and porn preferences discussed at wild length. Hallie’s gone viral for losing a nail during butt play, unfazed by haters.
• Group confessions about favorite porn genres (gang bangs, “girl cracked in half by BBC,” etc). Liv prefers using her imagination to porn.

Notable Sequence:

• “Have you ever had to tell a boyfriend you didn’t like his family or friends before?” “Yeah, it’s like, my favorite activity.” (Lauren, 44:43)

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6. Friendship, Girl Drama, and NYC Antics

[32:48–35:02]

• Stories of running into mean girls at West Village bars—overheard being called “ugly.”
• The group unpacks their reactions and the weird ritual of public girl-on-girl meanness.

Notable Moment:
“If you're gonna say something rude in public about people...if someone hears you, you are obligated to be a part of that conversation.” (Liv, 34:10)

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7. Cultural Differences, Trips, and the “Turkey Friend” Saga

[21:18–23:26]

• Liv recaps a sometimes-lonely, culture-shocked trip to Istanbul—“I was just kind of, like, claustrophobic...I just felt so far from home.” (Liv, 22:07)
• Supporting each other through homesickness and friend FOMO.

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8. Would You Rather & Relationship Hot Takes

[44:22–49:56]

• Would you rather: “Give up martinis forever or sex for a year?”
• “Could you date a friend’s brother?” and “Worst thing a guy did in bed?” all elicit wild and funny confessions.

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9. Closing Chaos: Happy Endings, Business Ideas, & Last Laughs

[54:05–57:20]

• The group swaps stories about “happy ending” massages, debating whether that’s cheating if it’s a gift from a wife.
• Hallie pitches the ultimate NYC business: “happy ending tent” with a celebrity eye doctor partnership.
• Everyone cracks up over the “Lasik ending pipeline.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Hallie: “I have really bad eyes and I need celebrity eyes on these eyes.” – 06:39
• Liv (re: Hallie’s love drought): “I think it would be so good for you in every aspect.” – 14:58 and 15:17
• Hallie: “It's not about that. It’s about finding them...they’re nowhere. They're just, like, dead.” – 31:50 & 31:54
• Lauren (on men’s drink orders): “A Bellini? That is queer. A Bellini, shoutout to my queer community.” – 37:43
• Liv: “If you’re gonna say something rude in public...you are obligated to be a part of that conversation.” – 34:10
• Hallie (on chaos): “Saying I had work tomorrow because he was doing baby voices. It was Saturday. I didn’t have any work.” – 39:21 & 39:33
• Hallie: “Probably get on all fours, arches back and tell me to fist his ass...That's where I lost my nail.” – 47:33–47:43
• Liv: “I don't watch porn. Is that weird? Should I watch it?” – 53:06
• Hallie (business pitch): “Maybe my next extra dirty activation—I can have a happy ending tent, dude.” – 56:38

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• [01:56–08:19] – Eye Doctor Chaos & "Celebrity Eyes"
• [08:19–13:14] – Hallie’s Drought, Insecurities, and Wanting a Boyfriend
• [14:58–16:39] – Friend Therapy on Relationships/Situationships
• [16:39–20:35] – Vibrator Reviews, Sex Toy Chat
• [25:48–31:00] – Pop Culture: Cardi B, Taylor & Kelsey, Sydney Sweeney
• [32:48–35:02] – NYC Girl Drama: The "Ugly" Accusation in West Village
• [36:45–40:47] – Sex & Dating Rapid Fire: Red Flags, Most Chaotic One Night Stand
• [44:22–49:56] – Would You Rather & Relationship Debates
• [54:05–57:20] – Happy Endings, Cheating?, and Joke Business Pitches

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Tone & Energy

• Super casual, hilariously unfiltered, and authentic. Imagine a 2am group chat come to life—raunchy, girly, vulnerable, supportive, slightly chaotic but always entertaining.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is classic Extra Dirty—no topic off-limits, full transparency about the struggles and joys of single life, sex, and friendship in NYC. Whether you’re after honest dating talk, the inside scoop on viral girl drama, or just want to laugh till you snort, Hallie and her besties deliver. It’s the podcast equivalent of a group FaceTime when everyone’s had two drinks and zero reservations—pure, extra, and never clean.

Transcript

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[Hallie]

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[Liv]

If you were in a relationship with obviously a man that you like and ticks all your boxes, but like a healthy relationship, I think it would be so good for you in every aspect.

[Hallie]

My type is really bad right now.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night. Okay, guys, welcome back to Extra Dirty. I am here again with my two besties, Lauren and Liv. Welcome. I hate doing those introductions because, like, I saw you guys yesterday and we've.

[Lauren]

Been here for 30 minutes.

[Hallie]

I've been telling you guys, stop talking. Save for the pod. You want to talk about my celebrity eyes? Save it for the pod. You want to talk about body counts? Save it for the pod. All right, can we first talk about my celebrity eyes?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, guys, this morning I had a doctor's appointment.

[Lauren]

Oh, you went.

[Hallie]

I went.

[Lauren]

You look like your little.

[Hallie]

Oh, what?

[Lauren]

Wait, something. Wait, what?

[Liv]

She didn't get anything done.

[Lauren]

But it was not a celebrity.

[Hallie]

It was.

[Liv]

Dude, that's like when Lauren said she was getting her teeth done and I was like, oh, your teeth do look different. And she was like, I haven't done anything yet. I was like, oh, no.

[Hallie]

She's like, you look like. You look like you can see. I can't. I actually can't see through. Really sad. I feel like. Who's that guy?

[Lauren]

Just anyway. Blind person. Frank.

[Hallie]

No, no.

[Lauren]

So just any blind man on the street, that's what you feel like just could have named anybody. Could have named anybody names. Anne Frank.

[Liv]

No.

[Lauren]

Female. Who is that man?

[Hallie]

Oh, that's a classic mix up. No, I don't know how she got. I don't know how. I don't know how Helen Keller got anything done. And she's supposedly a writer, actor, singer.

[Lauren]

What? Where did you get this?

[Hallie]

Wait, I'm not making that up.

[Lauren]

No, she's actually not. I know.

[Hallie]

What did Helen Keller do for a living? I think she was like the influencer. Helen Keller was like the influencer of her time.

[Lauren]

There's a lot. She definitely went to that celebrity.

[Liv]

A lot of conspiracy theories that Helen Keller wasn't actually blind or deaf.

[Hallie]

No, that's about Stevie Nicks or. Sorry, I was close to that one. No, Harry Potter was an author, activist and educator. How.

[Lauren]

Singer, songwriter.

[Liv]

How though this is like Ableist, I fear.

[Hallie]

No, I'm just saying like I. I can say that because I am. I'm really blind. My eye prescription is higher than my GPA from college.

[Liv]

What is it like 4 something?

[Lauren]

That's really bad. No, it's not.

[Hallie]

And she asked me if I wanted to get the surgery where they. Because I need a muscle correction because I'm cross eyed. But not only am I cross eyed, I have bad vision and astigmatism on top of that. So my gosh, double homicide.

[Lauren]

But at least you're like Halle, this. Wait, hold on. This surgery that Hallie is talking about is like. Do you know the surgery?

[Liv]

Lasik?

[Lauren]

No, no, no. There's this difference. So imagine you're looking at me, except Hallie isn't this severe. But imagine you're looking at me, one eyes going. And you're the other one out there.

[Liv]

And you're getting that surgery.

[Hallie]

No, but she said down the road cuz she's like with age, like your eye crossing may get worse.

[Lauren]

It's just going to go. And it's just going to be like that.

[Hallie]

And she's like, I'll be 85 and I'll be looking at the front door while I'm looking at you guys.

[Lauren]

Like I'll be like, like the grandma.

[Liv]

But it kind of only. Really? I've never noticed it when you're sober.

[Hallie]

No, that's. But like I'm not going sober. I'd rather be cross eyed than like.

[Liv]

Like your version of getting like loosey goosey. It's like your eyeballs going in directions.

[Hallie]

Yeah. And I was like, I. I told her that. I told the do. The celebrity doctor said, listen, the only time going Crosshead is an issue is when I'm drinking. And that's usually when it's like a telltale sign that I should probably be going home or going to bed.

[Lauren]

We can't lose that. You. You'll stay out all night.

[Hallie]

Like, my issue right now is, well, hopefully it's dark.

[Liv]

Can I just tell them about the celebrity eyes? Cuz this was the craziest thing H's ever said. I had to stop on the road in West Village to hold my crotch so I didn't piss myself. It was insane. Hs just passively talking about, like, her eyes and telling us she's going to a new doctor. Because she went to one doctor and didn't like the office. It wasn't like, pretty enough.

[Lauren]

She said. She said I sent her somewhere. And I was like, she's like, I saw her.

[Liv]

You sent me to a dump.

[Lauren]

And I was like, number one, my doctor is a female, so I don't know. I mean, a male, so I don't know who you saw. Number two, you said, like, Chinatown, my doctor is fully in the west villain. So I. I don't know where you went. Random. Okay. Anyway.

[Hallie]

But it was my second one and I. They keep giving me worse and worse.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Prescriptions because they're trying to fix your astigmatism. But first she was finished. First she was shooting on my doctor, and then this is where it progressed.

[Liv]

This is where it went to. So then she goes, no, I found a new doctor. I'm going tomorrow. He specializes in celebrity eyes.

[Hallie]

I go, I know celebrities that have gone to this doctor.

[Liv]

I go, what did you just say? She goes, yeah, he specializes celebrity eyes. I go, we all have the same exact eyes.

[Hallie]

No, we don't.

[Lauren]

And now you don't.

[Hallie]

I have really bad eyes and I need a celebrity doctor to treat them.

[Liv]

You have really bad eyes, and you're a celebrity.

[Hallie]

And I need celebrity eyes on these eyes.

[Liv]

We'll go to the.

[Lauren]

We'll go. We'll go to my guy in Chinatown.

[Liv]

Yeah, actually, I won't, because I have.

[Lauren]

Really bad eyesight, okay.

[Hallie]

To the point where I can't see across the bar and pick who I want to sleep with.

[Lauren]

She's like.

[Hallie]

I'm like, that's why I have a bunch of losers on the list of my notes app.

[Liv]

That's actually due to my eyes excuse.

[Lauren]

I agree.

[Liv]

That's a good excuse. It's not real, but it's a good excuse. And like, I am behind that. I. I only slept with you because I'm Blind. Oh, I thought you were cute because I was blind.

[Hallie]

I only you because I'm really blind.

[Liv]

I used to like you when I was blind, but then I went to a celebrity eye specialist, stylist, and now I have a permanent sparkle in my eyes, and I can see, and I don't like you anymore.

[Lauren]

Liv goes, what are you gonna do? Walk out of there with a twinkle in your eye? They're gonna like.

[Hallie]

Is that why you. Why you said I look different?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I can see it all. It's, like, all over you. It's like you walked in there. There was, like, fairy dust on you. You walked out. You're like a celebrity.

[Hallie]

I only do that on the weekends.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

And they're gonna tattoo, like, a permanent sparkle in your eye.

[Hallie]

That would be lovely.

[Lauren]

They're gonna sign it.

[Hallie]

That'd be great for pics. You know, you can do that on Face app.

[Liv]

They're gonna be like, rainbow. She's gonna have rainbow pupils.

[Hallie]

You couldn't add a sparkle in your eye.

[Lauren]

Wait, show me how they're gonna add a rainbow.

[Liv]

You see a sparkle in my eye in my next Instagram.

[Hallie]

Just know.

[Lauren]

Wait. We should do that as a promo. Let's. Let's put twinkles. Twinkles in our eyes.

[Hallie]

Okay. All right. I want to talk about my drought. Yeah, I want to talk about my drought.

[Liv]

Your drought.

[Hallie]

It's affecting my health. The Internet's concerned, but it's just because I haven't gotten laid. They don't understand this is a side effect.

[Lauren]

What's the longest that you've ever gone? The longest?

[Hallie]

15 years. 14 years.

[Liv]

Okay. After that.

[Hallie]

Six months, probably.

[Lauren]

Okay, so this drought isn't.

[Hallie]

There was this drought.

[Lauren]

I remember the drought.

[Hallie]

We're coaching.

[Lauren]

We're.

[Hallie]

There was this one creeping up on a new record. I'm not trying to set this record. I'm not going out of my way.

[Lauren]

Wait, we're, like, months away.

[Hallie]

Yeah, we're okay.

[Liv]

I don't think there's anything bad about not sleeping with guys.

[Hallie]

I do. I beg to differ. You guys are both like blood getting laid by stallions every day. And I can't even watch Sex in the City.

[Lauren]

Why. Why did I just dab you up? Or about the stallions, then, like, getting. It's more about the stallions.

[Hallie]

Even watch Sex in the City without whimpering. Now I'll be like.

[Liv]

And they don't even have good sex.

[Hallie]

Samantha does. I'm trying to watch Sex in the City because it's the fall, and that's like. That's what I do, but, like, I get too horny. I have to turn it off and put on, like, true crime.

[Liv]

Can I tell you something? You said something the other day that I have never heard you say.

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah.

[Liv]

And I don't know if everyone's ready for this. Halle uttered the words, I want a boyfriend.

[Hallie]

I kind of just want, like, someone. I want someone that, like, gives me attention. No one's giving me attention right now. And any attention I get is negative attention. So from rancid clips I say online, they're like, oh, like, I've been having this issue where, like, I. I've had sleepovers with guys, and I feel like they hold back because they don't want to give me, like, a pizza review the next day on Tik Tok.

[Lauren]

You mean?

[Hallie]

You know what I mean. A pizza review.

[Liv]

Pizza review.

[Hallie]

You know how, like, Dave Port, he does pizza reviews? I think people think I do that with dick. Let me kind of what I do, but not really what I do.

[Liv]

That's not what you do. The guy who, like, stool or whatever, who, like, said that on his podcast, literally, like, what are you talking about? I don't think he's ever seen your videos. You don't, like, review the sex you've had with men. That's not what you do.

[Lauren]

Only when they cross you.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I feel like you're pretty respectful.

[Hallie]

I feel like evergreen. That's a. That's a podcasting term.

[Liv]

It's just funny. It's like a.

[Lauren]

Like, it's.

[Liv]

You're. It's just funny. Like, I don't understand celebrity podcaster. You need a guy who's not, like, phased by that.

[Hallie]

No, I know, but they seemed like I was on impulsive, and I remember Logan saying, it's going to be really hard for you to find a husband.

[Liv]

That's really.

[Hallie]

I kind of, like, that kind of sat with me, and I was like, you may be on to something here, because it's just the way I talk. It's a bit crass, but also, I can't see.

[Liv]

Does that. Is that something that, like, is in the back of your mind? Like, does that worry you? Like, do you believe that?

[Hallie]

No, I don't believe that, but I just think that, you know, when you go through, like, spurts of just not getting laid, you kind of just start, like, reflecting and being like, is it something I'm doing wrong, or is it something, like, that's wrong with me? And I already feel like I've kind of, like, had, like, a pretty, like, insecure summer like, was in the summer I anticipated. So I'm just kind of, like, unwanted, unloved, and rejected by society.

[Liv]

Okay. That, like, is sad. And I don't. I don't think. I think you need to look at it differently. Differently. But, yeah, you're not putting out the energy that you want to be. Like, it's not coming to you because you're. You're not putting that energy out. And, like, it's not like, never trying. It's not like you're trying to all these guys, and they're like, ew, get away. Like, it's not.

[Lauren]

No.

[Hallie]

I decided, and I, like, kind of didn't want to, like, I don't know if I wanted to sleep with someone this summer. I probably could have.

[Lauren]

I could have, but that one's been, like, getting silly. Goose.

[Hallie]

I know, but, like, I need. We need to have a new game plan.

[Liv]

Even when we've gone out, like you.

[Hallie]

We don't talk to anyone.

[Liv]

You get silly, and then you're like. Or guys will try to talk to you, and you're like, get away.

[Hallie]

I also feel like my body language is a bit off. Like we were talking about. I kind of, like, sit like this.

[Lauren]

And now you're gonna sit.

[Hallie]

Now when I go to Shea. Margot. Hello, men.

[Liv]

I would like to talk to you.

[Hallie]

Men. I welcome you all with big smiles and a sparkly, twinkly eye. Oh, in hell.

[Lauren]

And maybe, like, Maybe, like, we save the cosmos until.

[Hallie]

Yeah, we'll do one.

[Liv]

Cause that's definitely not gonna happen.

[Hallie]

One wine.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Big wine. Fall. We're gonna have. But I just think I need to sled it out a little bit.

[Liv]

Get it out of my wine. Fall.

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[Hallie]

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[Liv]

Can I tell you guys something? The other night when H said I want a boyfriend, I've been like, I was like thinking about it the past couple days and I actually on a serious note, than if you were in a relationship with a. Obviously all your boxes, but like a healthy relationship. I think it would be so good for you.

[Hallie]

I don't know.

[Liv]

I think it would be so good for you in every aspect.

[Lauren]

The only situation My type is really bad right now. Yeah, the only situation. Sorry.

[Hallie]

A grief asked her.

[Lauren]

Click with it. The only situationships that I have ever seen you in. You are so toxic. And one guy, there's one guy that you would try and fight with and he would call you be like, what are you doing? And you'd be like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh yeah. He'd be like, you pick fights. You can't do that on the next one.

[Hallie]

Why can't I pick fights?

[Lauren]

Speaks my love language.

[Liv]

Can I tell? I pick. I pick a lot of fights.

[Hallie]

You are bad about the two, but.

[Liv]

Like the right man will put up with them.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I.

[Lauren]

Your fights are different than her fights.

[Hallie]

Really?

[Lauren]

H will like literally just stop answering for like a week.

[Hallie]

I know. All right, what else are we talking about?

[Lauren]

What's your ideal fall?

[Hallie]

My ideal fall Love life fall Love life Fall is I wake up, I have a yogurt and a pumpkin spice latte.

[Lauren]

Oh, wait, are those out my day?

[Hallie]

Yeah, they're out.

[Lauren]

Yes, I'm getting one tomorrow.

[Liv]

They're so good.

[Lauren]

Oh my God.

[Hallie]

And then I just have the weight of a very beautiful six five man on top of me whenever I please.

[Lauren]

Yeah, probably gonna have to go to work.

[Hallie]

No, after work. I have to work too.

[Liv]

Oh, that's literally the goal.

[Hallie]

Yeah, but where are they?

[Liv]

I love being smushed. Sorry. Don't you just love, like, being smothered?

[Hallie]

No, I, like, love being, like, almost killed.

[Liv]

No, I don't mean sexually. I mean, like a hug.

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, same.

[Hallie]

I meant to ask you guys, what vibrators are we using?

[Liv]

This fall wand always.

[Hallie]

Is there, like, a specific one?

[Liv]

Yes, I'll say.

[Hallie]

Because I wanted to buy a new one. It's because I like mine, but it's not powerful enough.

[Lauren]

No, I had it, like, that's the one that I have.

[Hallie]

It has, like, four. Four speeds.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's. It's.

[Hallie]

What speed do you hang on?

[Lauren]

The highest.

[Hallie]

Always. I need a blank.

[Lauren]

And if it's not charged. I know.

[Liv]

Same.

[Lauren]

Lauren. Same. Oh, my goodness.

[Liv]

Wait, I'm sending it to you, right? No.

[Hallie]

Have you ever had one die mid sex? Because that happened to me when a guy was going down on me and using it on me, and I was like.

[Lauren]

It's like the most.

[Liv]

I've had one die, not mid sex alone. And it was terrible because it just died.

[Lauren]

And I was like, mine died and I made Jordan.

[Liv]

Now what?

[Lauren]

Like, mine died and I made Jordan stop. And I was like, you're gonna wait. Like, I'm gonna wait.

[Hallie]

Have you ever used a toothbrush?

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Hallie]

When was the scenario?

[Lauren]

Like, if, like, I think, like, I was, like, younger and one died, and I was like.

[Liv]

I've used my phone.

[Lauren]

I'm sorry.

[Liv]

You can, like, make it vibrate.

[Lauren]

How? I don't know. Show me. Because this. This would solve all of. Show me now. This would solve all of Jordan's problems. Jordan, give me your phone.

[Liv]

It's like, really vibrator. I'm sending it to you. It's $98. It's so good.

[Hallie]

I would spend.

[Liv]

I brought it to Turkey with me.

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah. How. How big is it, though?

[Liv]

It's like a mini wand. It's probably this mini.

[Lauren]

I think I need to get a new one, but mixed with the butt plug. That one.

[Liv]

Sending it in the group.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

What?

[Hallie]

Have you used a butt plug before?

[Liv]

No.

[Hallie]

It's the best thing ever. I put Lauren on.

[Lauren]

You did?

[Hallie]

I wasn't, like, with her, but, like, I put her on.

[Lauren]

She was there. She put it in. I put it in, then she left.

[Hallie]

I said, open. Open your gaping hole now, and I'll throw it in there.

[Lauren]

Let me show you this, and then I'll leave.

[Hallie]

No. Yeah, I just like that.

[Liv]

Like sex or.

[Hallie]

Yeah, during sex.

[Lauren]

During.

[Hallie]

It's like an explosion of, like, an. An orgasm, but it just, like, you can't, like, escape.

[Lauren]

It's really? You don't need, like, a 50 pound weight like Halle's? Well, you could do.

[Liv]

I have, like, a.

[Lauren]

It's like a finger. You can get a little one that's like a finger.

[Hallie]

Mine's like a stainless steel. Steel light bulb.

[Lauren]

It goes deeper. Got it. And it just like, kind of like plugs.

[Hallie]

Steel light bulb. Yeah, it's like a wine stopper.

[Liv]

Has it ever, like, shot out?

[Lauren]

I mean, maybe if you, like, push really hard. But that's, like, really scary.

[Liv]

Knocks him out.

[Lauren]

He needs to go to that celebrity eye doctor.

[Hallie]

She was a great celebrity eye doctor. Her name is Dr. Brissette. Celebrity Eye doctor. Well, that's what I call her.

[Liv]

Dr. Weinstein did my tits.

[Hallie]

It's nothing to do with my beautiful eyes.

[Liv]

Just wanted to throw it in.

[Hallie]

There has nothing to do with my sparkly, beautiful eyes.

[Lauren]

Everyone watching? Nothing.

[Hallie]

All right, guys, let's get back on track. We were talking about vibrators and dildos and all those things. Pumpkin spice lattes in my ass. How often do you guys use my vibrator? Yeah, when I wake up and go to bed? Every day.

[Lauren]

Every day.

[Hallie]

Unless I'm, like, traveling. Like, I didn't, like, bring one to Columbus, Ohio, with Matt.

[Liv]

Alex, you do it every morning.

[Hallie]

It starts my day. It's like a coffee.

[Lauren]

That's, like, her shot of energy.

[Hallie]

Yeah, it, like, it depends. Like, it deters whether I'm gonna be in a good mood or not.

[Liv]

I got Botox today. Can't wait for it to kick in.

[Hallie]

I need to get bojacks.

[Liv]

I hate when my forehead moves.

[Lauren]

Like, my eyebrow is probably gonna be up, especially with this angle that you put me on. It's, like, right at this eyebrow.

[Liv]

The worst migraines ever since my Botox left the system and left my system, and I was in Turkey, and I literally landed, and Meeks was like, you're what? I've never seen your forehead move so much. I was like, first of all, why.

[Hallie]

Do you say that?

[Liv]

He's, like, so innocent. He didn't know. It was, like, rude. He's like, your forehead is moving a lot. I'm like, okay. And so my forehead was moving a lot, and I was getting migraines and panic attacks, and hopefully the Botox helps.

[Lauren]

Lib, how was your trip to Turkey?

[Liv]

It was good. It was very different. It was good, though. Turkey, like, that city. Istanbul is, like, a very cool city. It's huge. Guys, we would have so much fun if we did, like, a group trip to Bodrum. Obviously. So down, but, like, Istanbul, so Cool. But John was working. Like, he was gone five hours out of the day. And, like, what were you doing? Kind of just hanging. Kind of just hanging out because, like, I can't drive there because it's so. It's like the most populated city in the world.

[Hallie]

It's like on the left side, right?

[Liv]

No, it's not. It's on the right side. But the driving is just so.

[Hallie]

No, it's in the right.

[Liv]

It's crazy. So I was kind of cooped up and like, whatever, we'll make it work next time. But we had fun.

[Lauren]

It looked really pretty.

[Liv]

It's so pretty. Yeah, I was right on the water. I just felt so far from home. Like, it's so different. Such a culture shock that I was just kind of, like, claustrophobic.

[Hallie]

What's the time difference?

[Liv]

Seven hours.

[Lauren]

It's not bad.

[Liv]

So I couldn't go to my mom until like, 3:00pm what was Israel. Seven hours.

[Lauren]

Oh, okay.

[Liv]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Lauren]

It's hard for like, that prolonged period of time. Yeah. Because we. You would be awake and we would be sleeping.

[Liv]

I also keep in mind I don't have friends there yet. Like, he had. He barely knows his team, new friends. So I. Well, I don't like knowing the wives or girlfriends that haven't met any of them. So next time I go, he'll be more like, solidified with a friend group and I will meet.

[Lauren]

Okay, well, you'll never be closer with anyone.

[Liv]

No.

[Hallie]

I don't know. I feel about you going to Turkey, making new Turkey friends.

[Lauren]

I need friends of Turkeys.

[Liv]

Any Turkish girls want to hang?

[Lauren]

I was going to start. Hi, Turkey Onas. What up?

[Liv]

Turkey on a.

[Hallie]

This is Turkish in Turkiana.

[Liv]

No, guys. Danielle Felong commented on my video that I made in Turkey about, like, the skincare there. And she said, hi, I'm a Turkey, or something. And I said, hi, I'm a Turkey, back to her. And people in the comments were like, this is so offensive. Like, you are so offensive. And I was like, okay, people are.

[Hallie]

Not so sensitive, you know? Like, people are so sensitive these days. Like, I wish sometimes you could just say whatever the fuck you wanted without, like, thinking that it's gonna offend someone.

[Liv]

Hi, I'm a Turkey. Should not be offending anyone.

[Hallie]

Like, the Helen Keller bit in the beginning might hurt someone's feelings. But, like, I would like to say that I'm blind, so I'm an ally with Helen. Remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? That one you meant to book. But you got sidetracked and completely forgot about it until now. You know your overdue annual checkup that's been three years in the making. Why not book it today? Zocdoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now and it's all online. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. Appointments made through Zocdoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. I know for me personally my eyes have been so bad I'm trying to figure out how to get a new eye doctor. I use Zocdoc and it was very easy. They gave me a bunch of options and I actually have an appointment this week through them. Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to ZocDoc.com/extradirty to find an instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com extra dirty Zocdoc.com extra dirty Introducing Family Freedom from T Mobile.

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[Hallie]

Up to.

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[Hallie]

Can we talk about the Cardi b trial?

[Lauren]

Yeah, but you have to explain it to us because we don't know anything about it.

[Liv]

Get ready for the Extra Dirty pop culture segment.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I want to talk about a couple pop culture things. This is not a pop culture podcast, but there's a couple things that have been catching my eye on my fyp. The first being the Cardi b trial. I don't know if you guys are locked into that at all, but Cardi B right now is getting sued for like $24 million for like getting in a verbal altercation with this random nobody.

[Lauren]

For a verbal alter.

[Hallie]

She's saying it's not verbal, but like the trial is hysterical.

[Liv]

She's so funny. The the guy goes, so you're saying she was overweight and she goes, I didn't say that. But I did say she was a like, period. Yeah.

[Hallie]

She was like, I was pregnant and I couldn't defend myself from that. Look at her.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Are you calling her fat? Look at her.

[Liv]

She goes, I mean like, use your eyes. She's so funny. She's walking out of the courtroom. Someone's going, cardi, what's the verdict?

[Hallie]

Cardi, what's the verdict?

[Liv]

She's ignoring everyone. And someone goes, carter, you look so pretty. She goes, thank you.

[Hallie]

I'm obsessed with her.

[Lauren]

Like 24 million something to her. She's like, I'm just here for like.

[Liv]

Is she having another baby with her new boyfriend?

[Hallie]

I don't think. I think they broke it out.

[Lauren]

Now what?

[Hallie]

I don't know. I might have made that up. What do you think about the Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift's engagement?

[Liv]

Obsessed.

[Hallie]

I love how she did it. Like, everyone else announces their engagement just like so normal. Like a combined collab post.

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Liv]

At the end of the day, you guys, Taylor Swift is just, just a girl. She's just a girl. She's the most famous woman on the planet and like insanely talented, whatever. But like, at the end of the day, like, she just wants the same things everyone else wants. Normal.

[Lauren]

Like. Yes.

[Liv]

Her ring is absurd. It's like a half million dollar diamond. Honestly, it's kind of like it's perfect on the conservative side for them. Like they are billionaires.

[Lauren]

She's also like, has really big hands.

[Liv]

The swifties are gonna come.

[Lauren]

Sorry. No, but do you know what I mean? Like, it's perfect for her.

[Liv]

She's like five nine.

[Lauren]

Yeah, she has big hands. Yeah, she's five nine. She's bigger. She's like five' 11.

[Liv]

Oh, but the thing is good for her hand. She could have had.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

And guys, she could have. She's so wealthy. She could have had any type of ring or proposal she wanted.

[Hallie]

She's not buying it for herself.

[Liv]

But. Okay, but he's loaded too. Yeah, but like, my point is she's just like so sentimental and cute and like appreciates the little things. Like she got engaged in a garden full of flowers with like an old mine diamond ring.

[Lauren]

I like the ring.

[Liv]

In a Ralph Lauren dress. Like, I'm obsessed.

[Lauren]

Do you like the ring?

[Liv]

I like the ring. It's very her.

[Lauren]

It's her. It's very fairy tale.

[Liv]

I like it. It's cool.

[Lauren]

I appreciate it being different.

[Liv]

I appreciate. I like the setting.

[Hallie]

Did you watch her appearance on the podcast? It kind of made me A Swifty.

[Lauren]

I watched the whole thing. I woke up extra, not extra early for it.

[Hallie]

Whoa.

[Lauren]

No, no. I, like, accidentally woke up really early, and I had nothing else to do. And I watched it, and I really appreciated it. That energy quote really resonated with me.

[Hallie]

No, she's cute.

[Lauren]

That resonated big time.

[Hallie]

I was like, she's like a girl next door.

[Lauren]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna carry that with me.

[Liv]

She's like, the girl next door that's, like, the most successful genius.

[Hallie]

No, like, I like her now. And I always was like, her. Not like that, but kind of like, I don't. I don't want to hop on this train. Like, I'm different, but, like, I kind of get this. Being a Taylor.

[Lauren]

I still don't think that I would, like, go to the tour.

[Hallie]

I wouldn't dress. Yeah, I wouldn't do all that.

[Lauren]

But I did listen to a few songs after that podcast.

[Liv]

Do you guys know that?

[Hallie]

I was like, we're on our way.

[Liv]

Swifty. Growing up, like, I went to every concert every year. She would do a. Literally a concert a year, and I would go to all the concerts at Gillette, Guys. I was just obsessed with her. One time, she touched my brother's hand, and I. Sobbing, screaming, crying, throwing up. It was like, how dare you?

[Hallie]

Like, I was like that with, like, t. Pain.

[Liv]

Yeah. And I was obsessed with her. And then I kind of forgot about her when I was, like, in my Drake era. I love 10 years. And now I still listen to her music and I cry.

[Lauren]

I do listen to her songs now. I. There was a few that I listened to.

[Liv]

I'll send you the good ones right now.

[Lauren]

I'll tell you.

[Hallie]

What do you think about Sydney Sweeney and Scooter Braun?

[Lauren]

That's, like, very new and really weird.

[Liv]

She's so wrong.

[Hallie]

I feel like that's, like.

[Liv]

She's so random.

[Hallie]

My. I wasn't really shocked by that. Pretty good. Like, I was like, okay, you guys can go date, like, in a corner. Somewhere in a corner.

[Lauren]

I just kind of scrolled.

[Liv]

Yeah, I have fun wearing denim at, like, coffee shops.

[Hallie]

Who else is getting engaged?

[Liv]

Everyone. I don't know.

[Hallie]

Seems like everyone but me.

[Lauren]

Fuck. How did. Wait, what does your dad say?

[Hallie]

Stay alive till 35.

[Lauren]

So by that time, we're still good.

[Hallie]

We're still looking good.

[Lauren]

We're still looking good.

[Hallie]

Lauren gives the best advice. What does your dad say?

[Lauren]

It's your dad's advice.

[Liv]

It was good advice.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Yeah. I, like, want you say that too, so.

[Hallie]

No, I know I just. I'm just like. I really think I'm just in a drought. And I'm horny and I'm just, like, feeling weak because I haven't, like, eaten a man's soul in a long time. You know what you always say Jennifer's body. I'm Jennifer's body.

[Liv]

I can't wait until.

[Lauren]

And I'm. What's the other girl?

[Liv]

She's gonna meet her person and then be like, oh.

[Hallie]

Guys. You guys treat me like a charity case sometimes when you talk like this. She's gonna meet her. Her man someday.

[Liv]

We're talking about dating.

[Lauren]

I know that's trying. I was trying to support our friends.

[Liv]

Talk about you, like, your charity case. Like, you're not.

[Lauren]

If anything, I'm your charity case.

[Hallie]

You're mine, girl.

[Liv]

Insane to say.

[Hallie]

I don't know what that means, but you're my girl.

[Lauren]

Thanks.

[Liv]

No, I mean, like, because we're so stressed about dating right now. One day you're gonna meet your person's gonna.

[Hallie]

You're not.

[Liv]

No, I mean, we as in, like, you, but we as a group. As a group.

[Hallie]

I'm not stressed about dating because the thing is, I don't want to date. It takes a lot of energy. But, like, I just.

[Liv]

But that's the thing when you meet.

[Hallie]

I just want them to come to my door.

[Liv]

Do you know what I mean? Like, when she meets the person that's right for her, it won't take energy.

[Hallie]

It's not about that. It's about finding them. We've talked about this. They're nowhere.

[Lauren]

They're just, like, dead. Honestly, guys, like, I. Reese, I was at the lake house this weekend with.

[Hallie]

They're not the lake.

[Lauren]

No, I know. I was with our family friends who are like 40, 32, 34. Like, it's new York. It's seriously New York. One of them was like, I'm moving to Austin. Like, all the guy. All the hot guys are there. She's like, I went there for a weekend. I met like, 10 guys. I had 10 dates. Like, it's literally New York.

[Liv]

There's something wrong will just happen when it's supposed to. Like, it has.

[Hallie]

I know. I don't think it's. Yeah, I don't think so. We got other fish to fry.

[Liv]

It will happen.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

It's not meant to happen right now if it wasn't.

[Hallie]

I'm excited for this fall.

[Liv]

Right.

[Hallie]

I'm excited for this ball.

[Liv]

So excited, too.

[Lauren]

We just run that little.

[Liv]

Can we wear sweaters.

[Hallie]

For like, one week and then I'll log in.

[Liv]

I want to wear a sweater.

[Hallie]

I want to be a slut in a sweater.

[Liv]

Same.

[Hallie]

I want to be the sluttiest girl in a sweater.

[Lauren]

Slut in your new Ralph Lauren gray.

[Hallie]

Sweater Cardia you never commented on.

[Liv]

Remember when we were walking in West Village and I tried to look for Laurens? Those girls at the. We're like being so mean and like calling us ugly.

[Lauren]

Can we. Yeah, but tell the whole story.

[Liv]

I. Forget it.

[Lauren]

We were walking in the West Village. It was Anton's. We ran into friends that we knew. Like the outdoors. Like the. Yeah. Daddies that we knew. The Anton's outdoor seating. We're talking to the daddies and I'm like looking directly at the girls sitting next to them and they're having a full blown conversation. Like, the girls are as far away from me as Hal is. And they were like. They're like. Literally watched a girl say this. She goes, do you think they're pretty? To one of. One of her friends. And her friends goes like this.

[Hallie]

They're probably just. And I go, the guys were talking to us.

[Lauren]

Yeah. And I go like directly into her eyes.

[Liv]

I was like, oh, yeah, Lauren, sit on biz.

[Hallie]

I was like, you could have stood on more business.

[Lauren]

I think we'll live. Literally left the street with her eyes still on them.

[Liv]

No, I'm not the one like, don't. I was like, are you good? And then they obviously mean. They were like, went back in their shells and like, pretended like they didn't just say something offensive. I don't know.

[Lauren]

The girl did like a double take. She was like, rude.

[Liv]

If you're gonna say something rude in public about people calling people ugly in public, okay. If someone hears you, you are obligated to be a part of that conversation. I think she forgot you calling me ugly.

[Hallie]

Rude.

[Liv]

I called you out on it. So did my friend. You have to apologize or stand on business. One of the two. You can't just pretend like it didn't happen and start business.

[Lauren]

Like, yeah, hello, you are ugly.

[Liv]

It was so crazy.

[Hallie]

She forgot that she, like wasn't behind her phone screen.

[Liv]

It was so crazy.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

She was like a real life troll.

[Liv]

That's the same girl that's like on Reddit.

[Hallie]

Like, I mean, they were so ugly too.

[Liv]

I don't even remember.

[Hallie]

Then we were all like, that wasn't about me.

[Lauren]

No, no, no, no. That's not how it went. We left there and Halle goes, that wasn't about me.

[Hallie]

No.

[Liv]

Hallie goes like, no. We told Hallie what happened? She goes, well, it definitely wasn't about me.

[Lauren]

I was like, okay, so it's either about.

[Liv]

Probably you're right. You're probably right.

[Hallie]

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[Lauren]

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[Hallie]

Gonna ask you guys some questions, okay? You are probably gonna answer Lauren's like rage texting right now. Someone, okay, is there something a guy could order on a date that would be a red flag? I talked about this the other day and you know what I said?

[Liv]

What did you say? I actually have one.

[Hallie]

There's a coffee order too. Like imagine latte. Like what if he got like a frappuccino with like sprinkles and whipped cream?

[Liv]

You know who orders strawberry matcha?

[Lauren]

Who?

[Liv]

John makes.

[Hallie]

I will say strawberry Matcha is so fire it slaps.

[Liv]

But every time he orders it I'm.

[Hallie]

Like, okay, okay, but like what would be a drink order that would be a red flag?

[Liv]

A vanilla bean frappuccino with whipped cream. Cream.

[Hallie]

No drink order for a Cosmo. A cocktail I don't think a hot take. I don't think a Cosmo. I think that's standing on business in your masculinity.

[Liv]

A Bellini.

[Hallie]

That is queer. A Bellini shout out to my queer community.

[Liv]

Honestly, an extra dirty martini guy. Yes. That's for the girls. Stop. Like get a normal martini.

[Lauren]

What about like a Cosmo? That's where you say that?

[Hallie]

No, I think a cosmos. Great.

[Lauren]

I think anything in like a fun like glass that's just Jordan does.

[Liv]

Or a flute.

[Lauren]

Jordan would Jordan like, gets like drinks with flowers in them.

[Liv]

Should I talk about my dream last night?

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah.

[Liv]

Yeah, dude, I had the craziest dream last night.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Liv]

As some of you may know, like.

[Hallie]

The episode of adhd.

[Liv]

Lauren and I are dating. Well, Lauren's engaged. I am dating Lauren's fiance's best friend. And they like always joke. It's not a joke about being neighbors. When my boyfriend moves back to America, like, they want to buy houses next to each other. Okay. I had a dream last night. I had a dream last night that they were like literally gay for each other. And like every. I was like, I would see me little plans. I would like see Meeks in our house. Turn around, he'd be gone. Where did you go? How you're obviously gonna live.

[Hallie]

How big is this block?

[Liv]

Big enough for all of us. Not the point. The point is that they were gay for each other in my dream. And I was getting annoyed.

[Lauren]

But like the funny thing is like, that I actually would happen.

[Liv]

I know. And then I told them about it this morning and Jordan was like, well, yeah, that's exactly what's gonna happen.

[Lauren]

And I was like, okay, now I'm even more mad.

[Liv]

Okay, Hallie thinks she's not gonna live next to us.

[Hallie]

What's the most chaotic thing you've ever done during or after one night's stand?

[Lauren]

I love that you sent the vibrator to our group chat.

[Hallie]

What's the most chaotic thing I've done after one night stand? Saying I had work tomorrow because he was doing baby voices.

[Lauren]

I need you to leave. I have work tomorrow.

[Liv]

On a one night stand doing baby voices.

[Hallie]

It was Saturday. I didn't have any work tomorrow.

[Lauren]

Most chaotic.

[Hallie]

The most chaotic thing. Like, what's the most chaotic thing you can do? Like get the out of there. I've left while the guy showering you.

[Lauren]

I feel like that would be the most chaotic thing I have left while someone's showering.

[Hallie]

Also, what's his face? He would always put on stand up comedy after we Would have sex.

[Lauren]

And I'm like, that's really weird.

[Liv]

I kind of love that.

[Lauren]

I just watched that episode of Sex in the City where, like, all the men are freaks and it's like, circus music that could be in it.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Which episode?

[Hallie]

I saw that, too. The season one.

[Lauren]

Season one. Or maybe even season. Season one. Maybe season two, when her and Big break up. So season two. Oh. And it's like, the circus music and, like, all the freaks in New York when she's caught.

[Liv]

Okay.

[Lauren]

Looking through that man's lockbox.

[Liv]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Okay.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Maybe we should do, like, probably, like, leaving while he's sleeping.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

No, yours is the McQueen.

[Liv]

I left while he was sleeping.

[Hallie]

Would you rather date someone who's obsessed with their ex or someone who's never been in a relationship?

[Liv]

Never been in a relationship.

[Lauren]

Never been in a relationship.

[Hallie]

I'm.

[Liv]

I'm John's first girlfriend.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I thought he had that other girl.

[Lauren]

They weren't, like, really, like. It wasn't a real date.

[Hallie]

Sad about her at the lake a couple years ago.

[Lauren]

It wasn't a. Yeah, they weren't actually dating.

[Liv]

They were, like, situational.

[Hallie]

They were like, me with every single guy.

[Lauren]

He was. Yeah, he, like. I feel like he's like, never, like.

[Liv]

Did you just call? The boyfriend was sad about another girl at the lake. She just said that to try to piss me off. And it worked.

[Lauren]

And it worked.

[Liv]

She's mad because she wasn't involved in John and Jordan's joke about the house. If we ever lived next to each other, you would obviously be invited.

[Lauren]

Invited to live next in the same neighborhood.

[Hallie]

Maybe I have other plans. Anyways.

[Liv]

My boyfriend. The fact that my boyfriend was upset about another girl made me so mad that my ears are red right now. That's how crazy I am. I just want everyone to know.

[Lauren]

Look.

[Liv]

How dare he?

[Hallie]

Okay?

[Liv]

How dare he?

[Hallie]

Literally.

[Liv]

I'm gonna wake him.

[Hallie]

When is the last time your friends had to take you home from the club?

[Lauren]

The last time I hung out with you. Marshall, I'm crying. Last time I hung out with you.

[Liv]

That time we met Peyton and Emma at Zero Bond and you got in.

[Lauren]

The Uber and split your mouth open.

[Hallie]

That was bad.

[Liv]

That was bad.

[Hallie]

Also, Sammy had to put me to bed the other night, which is, like, really. Like, I had a really scary. Like, our flight because they got a private jet from Nantucket to Columbus, and it was at 5pm departure time, so I was like, okay, I'm going to the brewery all day.

[Liv]

Oh, God.

[Hallie]

So I was slinging back Froze, like, whatever. I got to the PJ with Sammy. They're waiting out front, and like, I already had like a pretty strong Jag going.

[Lauren]

A what?

[Hallie]

A Jaguar. What's like a buzz? And they were all right. So we got on the flight and they're like, what do you want to drink? So this, you know, like the flight attendant.

[Lauren]

I know you wanted to say butler.

[Liv]

She wanted to say maid.

[Hallie]

No, I didn't know if I was like the pilot.

[Lauren]

Personal celebrity. Eye doctor. She said, I didn't know if it was the pilot.

[Hallie]

Guys, we need to get words out.

[Lauren]

Dude, I'm fucking weak. I'm sorry. It was her eye doctor. She heard there was celebrities on the flight. Imagine the pilot.

[Hallie]

There were actual celebrities on that flight.

[Liv]

The pilot puts it in cruise and he's like, well, it's time to give Ali her champagne.

[Hallie]

I had three vodkas on the rocks with a little pineapple. And I was going cross eyed trying to talk to Alex. And Alex is like, stay with me, stay with me. We have to make it through the whole.

[Lauren]

She'll call you out for it.

[Hallie]

She's like, the eyes are going, holly. We're like halfway through the flight, like, let's go. We land, we go to her room. Matt brings us up espresso martinis to like, try to wake us up. And I'm trying to maybe just espresso, maybe without the martini. So at that point, I'm lit. I'm just like, I'm getting your Jag. Yeah, I'm jack jacked up. I'm jiggity jagging. And then we go to the event, which is an unwell hydration event. And we're pouring like vodka down our throats. And then we go to dinner after. And then I'm ordering wine. I'm like, I want the Chablis. I want the Chab. And I'm like, I'd be in the hospital.

[Liv]

I would too.

[Hallie]

No, she was like, be throwing up. And then after my, like, my whole thing with them is like, let's do scotch on the rocks after. And she's like, hi, you need to go to bed.

[Liv]

Sammy's like, sure, I'm down.

[Hallie]

Sammy went out after.

[Liv]

Sammy's so funny. I'm obsessed with him.

[Hallie]

Sammy went out after he put me to my room and goes, I'm going out after. I woke up in my Ralph Lauren sweater and the girls in my denim.

[Liv]

Climbing him like a tree.

[Hallie]

Thank you for that visual.

[Liv]

I mean, we all know it's true.

[Hallie]

Okay, anyways, let's do another question. Have you ever had to tell a boyfriend you didn't like his family or friends before? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lauren]

It's like, my favorite activity.

[Liv]

Same love it in Lauren's bio.

[Lauren]

Literally. Like, yours sister pissed me off today.

[Hallie]

Yeah, but that's just sisterhood.

[Lauren]

Yeah. I've also, like, never had any siblings, so.

[Hallie]

Yeah, so you kind of just adap. Adapt, like being mad at a sibling role kind of in those situations.

[Lauren]

Yeah, totally.

[Hallie]

But, like, if you don't like your partner's friends and there's an issue if your friend's partner doesn't like you, that's a bigger issue.

[Liv]

There's never been an issue where I haven't literally, like, liked the person. It's more like situational. I'm like, why did that person. Person say that or act that way?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Liv]

You need to say something.

[Lauren]

Yeah, you're good. Yeah.

[Hallie]

You know, would you rather give up martinis forever or give up sex for a year?

[Lauren]

Give up martinis forever.

[Liv]

Forever.

[Hallie]

I'm. I'm on the road of sex for a year, so I'm throwing away my martinis at this point.

[Liv]

Yeah. What would I do?

[Lauren]

Four months. We're so far away from a year.

[Hallie]

I. I wouldn't even count that guy in May, because I would. We were. And, like, in a twin bed. And, like, no one finished. I don't count. If I don't finish, it doesn't count.

[Lauren]

Okay. That's actually kind of a.

[Liv]

Well, then to that standard, I have had sex with, like, three people.

[Hallie]

Mine still stays the same. But listen, before that was. That was, like, early April.

[Liv]

Yeah, no, it was a wine weekend. Right.

[Hallie]

No, the other one before that.

[Liv]

Oh.

[Hallie]

Like, good sex.

[Liv]

Which one was that?

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah, that's April. Like, maybe late March. Right after Miami.

[Liv]

He will rule the day.

[Hallie]

Okay. Could you date a friend's brother or totally off limits? Well, my brother went down on live.

[Lauren]

So I think it's okay.

[Liv]

I think.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I think it's okay.

[Lauren]

I think it just depends what you want with that brother. Like. Like, if you're, like, what do you.

[Hallie]

Want with my brother?

[Lauren]

No. Do you know what I mean?

[Liv]

Like, we're, like, best friends now, though.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So it's okay. You got a best friend out of it. So you got a best friend out of it. But, like, if you're just. If you're gonna, like, ruin the relationship.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I completely agree.

[Liv]

If it's, like, the one, go for it.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

If I feel like it depends on, like, what stage of your life you're at. If you're like in high school and you're going after, like, your best friend's older brother, I feel like that's kind of off. But, like, if you're, like, in your 20s and like, somehow, like, it was introduced.

[Lauren]

Yes. I think that's appropriate when you're older.

[Liv]

Yeah, I agree completely. Also, how fun would that be if, like, one of your friends ended up, like, marrying your brother?

[Hallie]

I know we'd be related.

[Liv]

That would be so fun if you.

[Hallie]

Stuck to the Sammy route. Okay, what's the ickiest thing a guy has ever done in bed? Not. Let me finish.

[Liv]

That.

[Hallie]

Probably clip, clip, clip.

[Liv]

Probably everything.

[Hallie]

Probably get on all fours, arches back and tell me to fist his ass.

[Liv]

Did that really happen?

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And did you do it?

[Hallie]

That's where I lost. Lost my nail.

[Liv]

I'm done. I'm done. Can we have it back? Like, can we.

[Hallie]

Got it back probably within the next day.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God.

[Liv]

I want to frame it.

[Hallie]

Yeah. I mean, they were. They were like, press on. So tape was bound to happen. It was bound. I had no nails. It was like I used to put on press ons and it was like, literally just skin. Yeah. Sometimes, like, like I'd be hooking up with guys, I would just, like, take them off, knowing that, like, they might get lost.

[Liv]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

That clip went viral on Extra Dirty and I was getting a lot of hate for that.

[Lauren]

For the nails.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

You were just a girl.

[Hallie]

It's a girl with.

[Lauren]

Just trying to be a girl.

[Hallie]

Saying.

[Liv]

What were they hating on?

[Hallie]

Like, like fatherless behavior.

[Liv]

Like, why a nail falling off but.

[Hallie]

Like, in his ass.

[Liv]

You all need to get a grip. It's called life.

[Hallie]

Well, I didn't have a grip, clearly.

[Liv]

Yeah, right.

[Lauren]

The nails didn't have a grip on it.

[Liv]

Something else had a grip. Tell you that much on your nail.

[Lauren]

I've never done it. But you like about plugs a baby one.

[Liv]

I don't do anal.

[Hallie]

You've never tried it?

[Lauren]

It's like a finger.

[Liv]

I've tried it.

[Lauren]

You've tried it?

[Liv]

Yeah, I've tried it.

[Lauren]

Did it hurt?

[Hallie]

I feel like once you get past the anal threshold, there's like a sweet spot and then it's.

[Liv]

I literally was like, get the. Away from me.

[Lauren]

How dare you?

[Hallie]

Like my college boyfriend, did he have a massive piece?

[Lauren]

No, I think any piece would hurt that.

[Liv]

No, no, he didn't. If he sees this now.

[Lauren]

That reminds me of the episode where Samantha. Like, guys, I'm like, on such a Sex and City kick. I really friends remember the episode of Samantha where the guy Has a really small penis.

[Liv]

James.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah.

[Liv]

And he's like, such a stud.

[Lauren]

Yeah. She's like, all right.

[Liv]

She's in love with it.

[Lauren]

Put it in. He's the one, but it is penis.

[Hallie]

And then she gets with the other guy who's too big.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah.

[Liv]

She's like, oh, yeah, that one is good.

[Lauren]

Oh.

[Hallie]

Have you ever encountered too big? Is there such thing?

[Lauren]

No, no.

[Hallie]

Lauren's smiling because she knows her boyfriend has a hog.

[Lauren]

No, no.

[Hallie]

I think there is such thing as too big.

[Lauren]

I think there is such thing as.

[Hallie]

There's definitely something.

[Lauren]

I've never big, but I've never encountered.

[Hallie]

I've seen it on pornhub.

[Liv]

I've never.

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Hallie]

Do you know what porn I like?

[Lauren]

I know what porn you watch. Split open. Girl gets literally cracked in half by BBC. Yeah. By biggest dick known to man. Girl gets.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Girl stuck in the corner.

[Liv]

Girl stuck in washing machine getting BBC split open.

[Hallie]

Girl gets cracked in corner. Can't move because she's stuck.

[Lauren]

Can't move because she is split open from vagina to stomach. What's wrong with me? I don't know. Can't you just look up? Like, sensual loving.

[Liv]

Loving, like what?

[Lauren]

Story time.

[Hallie]

I need a celebrity, guys.

[Liv]

Someone commented on my ad the other.

[Lauren]

Day and said, you look at therapist.

[Hallie]

I need a celebrity therapist.

[Liv]

Did you hear me? Someone commented on my ad the other day. Two people. And. Because it got, like, boosted. So like a ton of people saw it and they said, you look like Bonnie Blue. And the other person said, I thought this was Bonnie Blue.

[Lauren]

And I was like, brunette. Thank you.

[Hallie]

Bonnie Blue net.

[Liv]

Bonnie Blue net.

[Hallie]

Wait, but like, I think Bonnie Blue is beautiful.

[Liv]

Okay.

[Hallie]

But she's talking about her. But she gets cracked too much.

[Liv]

She needs. Jesus Christ. I'm dead ass.

[Lauren]

But, like, needs.

[Hallie]

Yeah. An anti crack advice.

[Lauren]

She needs.

[Liv]

It's really scary.

[Lauren]

She needs a cardiologist, therapist.

[Hallie]

What other porn do I look at?

[Liv]

She needs a celebrity.

[Hallie]

I like. I like Gang Bang.

[Liv]

What? Are you serious?

[Lauren]

I can do that for you. Do you watch, like, Sasha Gray?

[Hallie]

No.

[Lauren]

Really?

[Liv]

Who's your favorite?

[Lauren]

Have you ever watched Sasha Gray?

[Hallie]

I know. That is. I probably have watched her. She's the.

[Lauren]

She's the porn star in Entourage that VIN states. But she's like, oh, I feel like you would really like her.

[Liv]

Yeah, she's so hot.

[Lauren]

But she's like. That's like her thing is getting bangs and anal.

[Liv]

Do you watch.

[Lauren]

There's your girl. Hallelujah.

[Liv]

Anal porn.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I don't.

[Liv]

Do you watch porn? Oh, I don't watch porn.

[Lauren]

Really?

[Liv]

Yeah. No.

[Lauren]

That's the mood during sex sometimes.

[Liv]

Like, before both of you just cuddle up and watch it.

[Lauren]

Yeah, one time. Guys, this is so funny. This is, like, insight onto, like, Jordan's, like, we're Jordan's, like, family. Like, just how funny Brandon is. We and Jordan are legit. Like, in PJs, ready to go to bed. Brandon, like, hops in the bed with us and he's, like, just talking. Have a normal conversation. He's like, all right, guys. Like, let's go to bed. He just, like, sits there and, like, pulls up pornhub and starts watching the craziest porn. Me and Jordan, like, brandon, go to bed. What are you doing?

[Liv]

Remember when Brandon did that? When we were all in the living room at Jeff. He put BBC porn on the tv.

[Lauren]

That was so.

[Liv]

You were there.

[Lauren]

You were during.

[Liv]

It was when we went to Greenwich Polo last year.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God, that was so funny. He, like, put it up on. He's so funny, dude.

[Liv]

H's like, funny.

[Hallie]

I, like, know.

[Liv]

Why did I just do that?

[Lauren]

Yeah, she's like that.

[Liv]

I don't watch porn. Is that weird? Should I watch it? I feel like it's not.

[Lauren]

Wait, so when you're alone and using your vibrator, what do you do?

[Liv]

My thoughts.

[Hallie]

Too much brain.

[Lauren]

My thoughts are like. Yeah.

[Liv]

I literally just think of my.

[Hallie]

I need a visual.

[Lauren]

Okay, well, before him, we got shot up.

[Liv]

I would think.

[Lauren]

I can't.

[Hallie]

I can't. I can't deal with that. I just think of my boyfriend. I can't deal with that.

[Liv]

What's wrong with that?

[Hallie]

Like, what did you do before that?

[Liv]

Think of other men that I think are hot. Like, literally think of a man. You know who else I used to think of?

[Lauren]

That doesn't work for me.

[Liv]

Works for me, I think. Someone I hate sometimes I can't say.

[Lauren]

It, but can you look at me and go like this? Oh, I know. I knew her even.

[Hallie]

When is it? Who? Rodgast?

[Lauren]

Yeah, just her pressing. I was like, I thought about him.

[Liv]

And then every time I see him, I'd be like.

[Lauren]

Okay, I think that you should watch some porn by yourself now that he's away and just see what it does for you.

[Liv]

Okay, well, me and him will watch it on Google Meet.

[Lauren]

Okay. Together. I don't think you should watch it.

[Liv]

With him, because on Google Meet, you can. Like, that's how we watch movies. You can watch them. You can put it on Google. Me, and then we're also in the corner.

[Lauren]

No, I don't think you should watch it with him for the first time. I think you're gonna laugh.

[Hallie]

I used to watch massage room porn too. I really don't know what that is. That was the first porn I ever watched when I was like, 15.

[Lauren]

What is massage room porn?

[Hallie]

Like, so, like, they're like. And I used to, like, reenact it with my high school boyfriend.

[Lauren]

Holly. What is massage room porn? That's terrifying.

[Liv]

Is it like a masseuse?

[Hallie]

Yeah, it's like a masseuse.

[Liv]

Oh, it's like a happy ending.

[Hallie]

Obsessed. Yeah.

[Liv]

Have you ever got one?

[Hallie]

Or is it.

[Liv]

Remember.

[Lauren]

Wait, guys, remember the story that girls can get into. Wait, cut the name. But the story that told us.

[Liv]

Yes.

[Lauren]

Did you hear the story?

[Hallie]

Maybe.

[Liv]

It's insane.

[Lauren]

So I'm gonna tell the story, but just bleep the name every time.

[Liv]

Call him Robert.

[Lauren]

Robert went to get a happy ending.

[Liv]

No, he went to get a normal massage.

[Hallie]

Oh.

[Liv]

At the new school he. He transferred to. It was like a sports massage. Oh, and they have the lady at that school, they have the. The lady come to your apartment? So she came to his apartment and he was like, cool. Like, great massage. Thought it was done. And then all of a sudden she just starts yanking him.

[Lauren]

No.

[Liv]

And he's like, yay, yo. But obviously he was, like, down.

[Lauren]

He said it was like the worst finish of his life.

[Liv]

Oh, really?

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah, he said it was. He just was like.

[Hallie]

He didn't tell him an old lady.

[Lauren]

No, just like. He just said it was the most, like, it was the worst, like, finish of the life. Like, he's like. He's like. It felt like. It just felt wrong.

[Hallie]

Yeah, it was like a guilty one.

[Liv]

One of.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Meeks's teammates wife bought him a happy ending massage for his birthday.

[Hallie]

What?

[Liv]

Recently.

[Lauren]

I don't think I would do that.

[Liv]

And I was like, would you ever want that? And he was like, that's weird.

[Lauren]

That's really weird.

[Liv]

He's married.

[Lauren]

Honey, what would you like for your birthday?

[Liv]

Cheating.

[Lauren]

Happy ending.

[Liv]

I'm crazy, so.

[Lauren]

No, I don't think that's cheating.

[Hallie]

His birthday.

[Liv]

Oh, no.

[Hallie]

I was like, how are you not mad?

[Liv]

She was like, why is she looking at me?

[Lauren]

I don't think that's cheating. Like, if you're. Wait, wait, hold on. I think if a guy is not telling you and going to get a happy ending somewhere else, I think that's weird.

[Liv]

I know someone who used to do that.

[Lauren]

But if I'm a wife and I'm getting you a happy ending, I don't think that's cheating, but I think if the guy's hiding it and going consistently, I think that's really weird.

[Liv]

Yeah, you're right.

[Hallie]

You're right.

[Liv]

You're right. If I bought, like, if you bought.

[Lauren]

It for me, you're clearly okay with it.

[Liv]

That's so true. Maybe we should. Maybe you should do.

[Lauren]

Hallie goes in and gives out happy. Hallie becomes a masseuse. Yeah.

[Hallie]

Maybe my next extra dirty activation. I can have a happy ending tent dude.

[Lauren]

And a celebrity eye doctor. Unreal.

[Liv]

Lasik. Happy ending.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Happy ending during.

[Lauren]

While getting Lasik. Oh, my.

[Hallie]

By the celebrity room.

[Lauren]

Guys, I think that's a business right there. That's a business.

[Hallie]

No.

[Liv]

Because you have to be so still during Lasik.

[Lauren]

Strap them down.

[Liv]

No.

[Lauren]

Fine. Lasik too. Happy ending room in the same practice.

[Liv]

Lasik and then Lasik ending. Lasik ending pipeline.

[Lauren]

That's a business right there.

[Liv]

Are we all right?

[Lauren]

I'll write you a business model. Are we fine business. Drop a devil.

[Hallie]

Anyways, I love you all guys. You can watch on YouTube. Listen to me on any other platform. Liv, you want to close it out? Guys.

[Liv]

Love all of you. Seriously.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Liv]

Subscribe like, subscribe like. Comment. Comment. Please don't comment anything.

[Hallie]

Tell your friends.

[Liv]

Tell your friends.

[Hallie]

Share.

[Liv]

Send it to your mother.

[Hallie]

Watch it on YouTube.

[Liv]

Make a Marzini and watch it again.

[Hallie]

Yep.

[Liv]

And you know what to do. We love you. Good night.

[Lauren]

Goodbye.

[Hallie]

Goodbye.

[Liv]

Surprise.

[Hallie]

Beach day.

[Lauren]

No excuses.

[Liv]

I'm in.

[Hallie]

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[Lauren]

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[Hallie]

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[Lauren]

Let's go.

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[Liv]

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[Lauren]

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[Liv]

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[Liv]

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[Hallie]

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[Hallie]

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