Dylan Kevitch: Shut the F Up and F Me

Summary

Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder

Episode: Dylan Kevitch: Shut the F Up and F Me

Release Date: September 18, 2025
Host: Hallie Batchelder
Guest: Dylan Kevitch

Episode Overview

This raucously candid episode of Extra Dirty features Hallie Batchelder in conversation with irreverent internet personality Dylan Kevitch. Known for their unfiltered humor, the hosts tackle everything from hookup drama and NYC nightlife to dating norms, sexuality, and the uniquely chaotic ride of being young, single, and a little bit “extra dirty.” With no topics off limits, Hallie and Dylan deliver a packed hour of outrageous stories, deeply honest moments, hilarious dating scenarios, and wild insights on modern relationships and sex—all with loyal bestie banter and zero filter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life in NYC and Early Careers

• NYC Vibes & College Life ([02:28]-[04:01])
  • Dylan and Hallie reminisce about their years in New York City. Dylan moved to NYC at 18 to attend Pace University for commercial dance.
  • Dylan reveals he didn't graduate due to hating academic work:

    "A secret is I didn’t actually graduate because I failed all my academic classes because I hate homework." – Dylan ([04:03])

  • Both commiserate over shared academic struggles and mental health.
• Origins in Social Media ([04:57]-[05:58])
  • Dylan started as a dance content creator, even performing on cruise ships (Holland America).
  • Cruise ship life was both a dream and a source of depression, prompting his leap into social media.
• Grinder in FiDi Stories ([03:03]-[03:26])
  • Dylan jokes:

    "All those Wall Street men are all gay. And they're cheating 100 on, like, little twinks like me at the time." ([03:14])

2. Sex, Dating, and Relationships—The Extra Dirty Way

• Taste in Partners ([03:26]-[03:51])
  • Dylan prefers older men:

    "I love a 45 daddy." – Dylan

• Hallie's Billionaire Situationship ([08:23]-[09:10])
  • Hallie tells a wild story of a rich ex who sent her home on three connecting flights:

    "He wanted to humble me. So he sent me on a flight that was like three connecting flights back from the Bahamas..." ([08:23])

  • She reveals an unexpected pregnancy from the relationship.
• Sexual Preferences & Performance ([10:30]-[14:41])
  • Dylan:

    "This is where shut the fuck up and fuck me comes from. Because my pussy is so dry." ([10:30])

  • Both swap stories about being “performative” during sex, moaning theatrically, and the importance of “eye contact”—making sex “a whole performance.” ([11:21]-[11:40])
  • Both are happily single, uninterested in commitment, and voice disdain for bachelorette parties:

    "Bachelorettes are so weird." – Dylan ([15:14])

3. Unfiltered Talk on Sexuality

• Labels, Bisexuality, and Gay Theory ([27:09]-[29:12])
  • Hallie and Dylan discuss the prevalence of closeted or bi men, especially in places like Grindr, and observe:

    "Most men are gay." – Hallie ([27:09])
    "A hole is a hole. And when all guys are together...they're just horny." – Dylan ([27:47])

• Hookup Culture & “Bottoms” vs “Tops” ([16:34]-[17:28])
  • Candid discussion on gay hookup culture; Dylan discusses the “spectrum” from orgies to “rubbing and licking.”
• Hallie's Bi Experiences ([29:12]-[29:53])
  • Hallie:

    "I am a gay man in a woman's body." ([29:08])

  • She describes intimate encounters with bi-curious men, being a people-pleaser, and how she “loves” giving pleasure.

4. Growing Up, Medication & Self-Discovery

• Adderall Stories ([20:48]-[23:06])
  • Both share having been put on Adderall as kids, feeling emotionally numb, and only realizing as adults how much it affected them:

    "I grew up on medication that numbed all my emotions. So I just felt, like, really numb..." – Dylan ([21:04])

• School Memories and Bullying ([25:57]-[27:02])
  • Dylan recalls being bullied in private school for being openly flamboyant:

    "I wore dresses at my third grade birthday party...I didn't know it was different until I got bullied." ([25:59])

  • Hallie and Dylan agree things are (a bit) better for queer kids now.

5. Iconic Rapid-Fire Dating & Sex Scenarios ([38:47]-[52:47])

Hallie throws out hypothetical “dating and sex life scenarios,” and they rapid-fire react:

• First date/Instagram vanity: Dylan would take pics of his date—for gay guys, it’s “fine,” for straight men “off.”
• Ordering chicken fingers off the kids menu: “Giving cheap.” ([39:41])
• Having a “hard out” on a date: Both hate it; “I want you to potentially f*ck me after.” ([40:13])
• Bad sex/pillow princess:

  "I'm giving my all. I'm winning an EGOT from my performance." – Hallie ([45:46])

  • Both agree pillow princesses (who just lie there during sex) are a dealbreaker.
• Red flag drink orders: Jack & Coke (“bad breath”); lychee martini or Cosmo for men (“get up and run”). ([31:23]-[32:38])
• Micropenis partner: “Easier to perform on—sometimes manageable is good.” ([42:04])
• Friends' nickname is 'Mr. STI': Hard no; Hallie’s had chlamydia, Dylan has not—“antibiotics were fun.” ([46:07]-[46:38])
• No pillows/dirty beds: Immediate turn-off; both passionate about clean beds. ([49:38])

6. Hilarious & Memorable Quotes

• "Violence is fun sometimes." – Dylan ([07:07])
• "Every time I used to watch you... before, I started asking people to me..." – Dylan ([02:13])
• "You ugly piece of..." – Hallie, on people who put hotter friends as dating profile pics ([41:51])
• "I always say, I wouldn't lose followers from the situation." – Hallie, on nudes leaking ([45:01])
• "Jealousy is a disease, get well soon." – Dylan ([54:14])

---

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• NYC & FiDi Grindr Life: [03:03]-[03:26]
• Hallie’s Billionaire Ex Story: [08:23]-[09:10]
• Dylan’s Cruise Ship Origins: [05:26]-[06:43]
• Performance in Oral Sex: [11:12]-[11:40]
• The “Shut the Fuck Up and Fuck Me” Mantra: [10:30]
• Theory that All Men are Gay: [27:09]-[28:13]
• Adderall Childhood Trauma: [21:04]-[22:18]
• Dating Scenario: Chicken Fingers on a Date: [39:34]
• First Alcohol Poisoning Stories/Hospital: [53:35]-[54:04]
• Final Toast & “Jealousy is a disease”: [54:14]-[54:19]

---

Memorable Quotes by Segment

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|---------|-------| | 04:03 | Dylan | "A secret is I didn’t actually graduate because I failed all my academic classes because I hate homework." | | 11:21 | Hallie | "That’s direct eye contact. Is everything direct?" | | 15:14 | Dylan | "Bachelorettes are so weird." | | 27:47 | Dylan | "A hole is a hole. And when you’re all in, like, the locker room...all guys are together, it's like they're...just horny." | | 29:08 | Hallie | "I am a gay man in a woman's body." | | 31:23 | Dylan | "A Jack and Coke...makes people's breath smell really bad." | | 45:46 | Hallie | "I'm giving my all. I'm winning an EGOT from my Performance." | | 54:14 | Dylan | "Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon." |

---

Tone & Energy

• Language/Tone: Explicit, unfiltered, and wildly humorous. Both Hallie and Dylan mock themselves and others with equal zeal, interspersed with moments of genuine vulnerability.
• Dynamic: Conversational, fast-paced, and reactive. The chemistry between Hallie and Dylan creates a non-stop back-and-forth of storytelling, oversharing, and quick-witted quips.

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For Listeners

• If you love to laugh at sex and dating foibles, value honesty over propriety, and enjoy the messy ride of being young, queer, and a little chaotic, Extra Dirty brings relentless entertainment, major hot takes, and affirming relatability.
• For those navigating their own “dry spells,” roommate stories, bizarro dating scenarios, or “pillow princesses”—this episode is a must-listen, with ideas and comfort for every flavor of relationship drama.

---

"We are the star of the show."

– Hallie ([52:36])

Transcript

[Announcer]

Dancing with the Stars is back. Tuesdays, the celebrity dance competition and social media phenomenon returns with an electrifying new cast, including wildlife conservationist Robert Irwin, social media personality Alex Earle, stars of the secret lives of Mormon wives Jen Affleck and Whitney Levitt and more. Join hosts Alfonso Ribeiro and Julianne Hough for a season premiere guaranteed to pump up the jam. Who will win the coveted Len Goodman mirrorball trophy? Watch new episodes of Dancing with the Stars live Tuesdays at 8, 7 Central on ABC and Disney. Next day on Hulu. Introducing family freedom from T Mobile. We'll pay off four phones up to $3200 and give you four free phones, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com familyfreedom.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phone via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement. Example Apple iPhone 16, 128 gigs $829.99 eligible trade in. Example iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact us.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. We should go clamping.

[Dylan Cabbage]

What's that?

[Hallie]

It's like glamorous camping.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay, I like the sound of that.

[Hallie]

Like, you know, like Paris and Nicole. Simple life.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You're literally speaking a dream of mine.

[Hallie]

What up, you little freaks? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night. Okay, guys, I have a very special guest today on Extra Dirty. And, like, you guys know I never bring guests on, so this is a big deal for me. I'm kind of nervous. I even put, like, makeup on.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Me, too.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It's in my bag.

[Hallie]

Everyone, welcome. Dylan Cabbage. Yay. Dylan production crap. Yay. I am so excited to have you on.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, say last. I'm so happy to be here.

[Hallie]

This is gonna be a really fun episode.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm, like, ready for it.

[Hallie]

Like, the amount of people I send you to, I'm like, all your shares.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And you know what? Like, every time I used to watch you, like, before I started asking people to me, I was like, that's like the only that, like, I really like vibe with me. Yeah. Like, I just feel like I relate to you. Like, you're just like Chicago.

[Hallie]

Yeah. You know, we're just like vibe in New York. How long have you lived in New York?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I went to college at Pace University for commercial dance when I was like 18.

[Hallie]

Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

But I guess for like a decade.

[Hallie]

Yeah. You lived here for a decade?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Well, almost a decade.

[Hallie]

Have you always lived. You live in the Upper east side?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, so I came from. I love, like, family stuff. Okay, well, like, like, I mean, like, I like, I feel safer around family.

[Hallie]

No, I do too.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Rich, old money family.

[Hallie]

That's same. You're gonna feel really safe around me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I love you already. Wait, so I started in Fight Eye, which was the best grinder in the city.

[Hallie]

Oh, really?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, my favorite hookups ever.

[Hallie]

Really?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God. Like, I never had sex like that since I lived in Fight Eye. All those Wall street men are all gay. All gay. And they're cheating 100 on, like, little twinks like me at the time.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. Wait, so what is your type? Do you like older? You don't like younger?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I. So, like, the thing is, it's like my. The same age for me is weird. I don't know. I feel like you're the same exact age as me. It just feels competitive. Yeah, I feel that because gays are like, kind of just like. I don't know, but like, maybe like two years younger. It's like, I don't know. I like it, but. 45. Oof.

[Hallie]

Yeah. I love a 45 daddy.

[Dylan Cabbage]

A big daddy.

[Hallie]

Yeah. And where did you grow up?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Philly.

[Hallie]

Philly.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

So that's not too far from here.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, not at all.

[Hallie]

And you did all four years of college?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay, but a secret is I didn't actually graduate because I failed all of my academic classes because I hate homework.

[Hallie]

Wait, I don't like homework either. Mental illness.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Me too.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So thank God I was a Covid graduate because I didn't need to graduate. But also, like, even, like, if I were to pursue dance, I don't need an education.

[Hallie]

Wait, that's so funny that you're an actual through and through dancer. Yeah, like, not everyone knows that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No one knows that. It's just. You know what it is? The dance world is so toxic.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And like, it's just a small world.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I want people auditioning to, like, dance for me. Like, I don't want to audition to dance for someone.

[Hallie]

I feel like you have, like, main character energy where you could have backup dancers. I could picture you just walking through the streets, like, with just like five backup dancers with you at all times.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, that's. That's the dream.

[Hallie]

When did you start on social media? Did you work at Locks Club?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I was doing some research, so I was like, kind of like the content creator, like, intern vibe.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Did you see the intern?

[Hallie]

Yeah, I saw the intern stuff.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So not really. I was kind of just like there to like, help, like, you know, make up something. But. But okay, so they needed star power. They needed star power. They needed like a hot, sexy guy to just it up.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

But I. So I started social media. I was dancing on a cruise ship like I told you.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I got so depressed there.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Because.

[Hallie]

Wait, what do you mean you were dancing on a cruise ship?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, so right after college, my. It was covet. It was tough. And then I made. I got like a first, like professional dance job on a cruise ship. I was like, okay, good. You know, I can travel the world.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I can just get the out of here.

[Hallie]

Like on one of those, like Mohegan Suns. Like the Royal Caribbean.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like Holland America.

[Hallie]

So would you like, go on stage and perform for like, people that like, would go on cruise ships?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, like every week was a different vacation. So that's when I really started to know what kind of, like, alcohol I like to drink.

[Hallie]

Okay. And what is that?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Gin.

[Hallie]

Gin. You know I can't drink gin.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Why?

[Hallie]

Because it makes me into like a violent.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You know what the thing is, is that it does make me violent too.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I know. Because it's the only one. I think I. Correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, I think it's the only one that is fermented, like, differently or like made organically from potatoes.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It is. Oh, I didn't know that.

[Hallie]

I think my mom told me that it reacts with everyone's body differently. So some people it makes it like really, like, sexual. Some people it makes it really like I'm violent.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm violent and sexual. And I I not, like, violent. Like I want to beat you up. I just like, grab you and dance with you and I throw like I throw myself.

[Hallie]

Wait, maybe like that's kind of how it makes me. But like, I remember back in the day when I was drinking gin, I just want to curb stomp all these that cost me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

But now maybe it'll turn me into like a more like violent sexual person.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Not like an illegal way.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Listen, violence is fun sometimes. But what were we saying?

[Hallie]

I don't know. We were talking about violence and gin.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, yeah. No, literally.

[Hallie]

But you were on a cruise ship.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I was on a cruise. I was on a cruise ship and we went to like, the Caribbean. That was great. And then we went to Alaska. It. I was starting to go to bed thinking, like, what the hell Am I living above? And my whole tick tock page was like, cruise ships, like, going down.

[Hallie]

You know, one of my, like, things that I do, like, before I like, go on a flight, I will watch like airplane crash simulations. Like, in the middle seat.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, you're like, you want to watch airplanes crash? When you're in the sky, you're definitely drinking gin on the plane. Like that.

[Hallie]

No.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Wild.

[Hallie]

No, just like, with people that are like, sitting next to me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Are you in first class?

[Hallie]

Like, obviously, yeah, now I am.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. But like, I'm getting there. Yeah, I'm gonna.

[Hallie]

We're getting there.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You're on your way. You know, it's embarrassing when you're in coach and you have to walk by, like, the first class people. Like, I'm so embarrassed because I don't belong there.

[Hallie]

No, we don't belong there.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I don't belong there.

[Hallie]

We were never built for this.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I'm build for it.

[Hallie]

Have you ever sat in the back row of like a Spirit Airlines flight?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Uhhuh.

[Hallie]

Cuz I have too.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I've done it to la.

[Hallie]

There was this one guy that I hooked up with, Billionaire. Like, he was a rich guy and.

[Dylan Cabbage]

He didn't want to like, but he.

[Hallie]

Wanted to humble me. So he sent me on a flight that was like three connecting flights back from the Bahamas after this, like, lavish. We went to his friend's island and everything. And then he sent me back. I'm like, economy, back row, like spirit.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, there's other ways to humble people. Yeah, but was it good?

[Hallie]

It was so good. But then he got me pregnant.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Are you being serious?

[Hallie]

Dead ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I couldn't keep that. Yeah, yeah. Well, you don't have to.

[Hallie]

No, but like, at least I don't think so. I don't know.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You don't need a kid right now. No, no, no. I mean, your kid would be so iconic.

[Hallie]

It would. I should have kept it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

The guy was like, your baby would be like, crawling like around with us.

[Hallie]

No. Yeah, I'd bring the baby out to the club.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. The baby would literally be so huge.

[Hallie]

Yeah, that was like my last, like, situationship.

[Announcer]

Dancing with the Stars is back. Tuesdays, the celebrity dance competition and social media phenomenon returns with an electrifying new cast, including wildlife conservationist Robert Irwin, social media personality Alex Earle, stars of the secret Lives of Mormon wives Jen Affleck and Whitney Levitt and more. Join hosts Alfonso Rivero and Julianne Hough for a season premiere guaranteed to pump up the jam. Who will win the coveted Len Goodman mirror ball trophy? Watch New episodes of Dancing with the Stars live Tuesdays at 8, 7 Central on ABC and Disney plus next day on Hulu at Carl's Junior Lake Birds. Get the bag. Build your own bag after 8pm for 5.99. Get a Cali classic single fries plus chicken stars. Or get a spicy chicken sandwich. Onion rings plus chicken stars. This deal is stacked. Don't hit the sack. Hit the drive thru. Build your own bag. Just $5.99 only. A Carl's Jr. You build it, you eat it. Order your bag on the app and unlock even more burgers insides available for a limited time at participating restaurants. Tax not included.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Price may vary.

[Announcer]

Not valid with any offer discount or combo.

[Dylan Cabbage]

See up for details.

[Hallie]

What's your love life like?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay, so this is where shut the fuck up and fuck me comes from. Because my pussy is so dry. Wait, same like, I do not fuck like that.

[Hallie]

That's why I keep reposting because I, like, want people to shut up. And me too.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I've gotten some guys to, like, come over, but, like, okay, this is where. Where I get a little vulgar.

[Hallie]

Tell me everything.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So tight.

[Hallie]

Your ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yes.

[Hallie]

I'm guessing your bottom. We haven't even covered that ob.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I. My. I have such a good ass. Like, and my back and arch. So.

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I was like, made for it.

[Hallie]

But like, I need a bbl.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, no, you don't. No, no, it's not like the thing anymore. I feel like.

[Hallie]

No. A baby bbl. I just distract them with good head.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I know. I was watching you and you. I was watching your podcast of how you give really good head. And honestly, I feel like I could totally. I, like, was picturing you doing it too.

[Hallie]

Really?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. And I can just be like. Yeah, she's definitely looking at them too.

[Hallie]

Yeah, right in the eye. That's direct eye contact. Is everything direct?

[Dylan Cabbage]

And it's like when you don't look at someone in the eye. It's so weird.

[Hallie]

It's so weird. It's like you're doing a job.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm literally like, look at me.

[Hallie]

No, it's like a whole performance.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Look at me.

[Hallie]

I turn into like, a porn star.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, no, it's a perform. No, no, it's a performance.

[Hallie]

I turn into like, like a porn star. You want to, like, pop out for that?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I. Yeah, like, sometimes, like, this is why I like, older because, like, you can like, be like, more like, performy. And I love kind of screaming sometimes.

[Hallie]

Like, give me an example.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. Like, they're just like. Like, you know, like, they Love it so hard. No, like, there's, like, sometimes where I'm.

[Hallie]

Like, you break into, like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, I'm like, this. But no, there's sometimes where it's, like, done. I'm like, I think I have a little too fun. But they love, love it. They love it Moaning.

[Hallie]

My moaning is so performative.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Can I hear it?

[Hallie]

And theatrical here.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Whatever you are scared. Okay. It's like a little one. I love it, but I know it could be, like, let me drink my own.

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah. Cheers.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Cheers.

[Hallie]

Cheers. I send you to Alex all the time. I'm like, you have. This guy is the funniest guy I've ever seen my whole entire life.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Literally. Like, you know what I love? I'm not even trying to lick your right now. But you know what I love about, like, you, Greedon and Alex and, like, that vibe is that you guys are so successful, but you're just so, like, living it. Like, you're living in it. You're not, like, annoying. Yeah. You know, like, you're really just like, this is it.

[Hallie]

I'm just like. Like, I hate the word influencer.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Me, too. I call myself an entertainer.

[Hallie]

No. Yeah. We are entertainers.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, I'm only influencing you to that side.

[Hallie]

I'm obsessed with you. I feel like we're the same person.

[Dylan Cabbage]

We are. And I knew this because I can feel it. What sign are you?

[Hallie]

I'm a Libra.

[Dylan Cabbage]

My mom's a Libra.

[Hallie]

Oh, God.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm an Aries.

[Hallie]

You're an Aries. So, like, am I a land sign or an air sign? Should we test our compatibility?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, I think you're, like, maybe a land. I'm not. I'm not familiar with the Libras, but. What's your moon?

[Hallie]

A Virgo.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Love a Virgo. Are you, like, organized in life but messy at home?

[Hallie]

Yes. I'm very OCD and perfectionist, which is why I was running three minutes behind you. I almost crashed out of my whole team.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, literally, I'm one of the most punctual people ever. I show up, like, 15 minutes before.

[Hallie]

It gives me anxiety. So, like, I feel, like, out of control when I am late or. And, like, I'm very timely, and I, like, feel like I want to be respectful of everyone else's time. So when I was behind you, I.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Was like, no, babe, you're fine. Just.

[Hallie]

Again. Okay, what were we talking about? Your arch.

[Dylan Cabbage]

My back. My arching back.

[Hallie]

Yeah. So you. So why were we talking about your arch? I don't care.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It keeps going back to my back.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Oh, your love life. What is your situation right now?

[Dylan Cabbage]

So I'm not really talking to anyone. I'm really so single. But you know what? I really am just looking to play.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm not. I get really. Yeah. And I just. I'm not. I don't want to be distracted by someone. Like, you know, and I think it's people. It's like really like we're. I'm at the age where like all my friends are getting married.

[Hallie]

How old are you?

[Dylan Cabbage]

27.

[Hallie]

Okay. Same.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, work. So. Oh, God. And it's just like I'm like going to weddings and stuff. And I'm like, this is. I can be so happy for them, but like, it's really not for me.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like at all. I don't subscribe and sorry guys if like you're mad at me for this, but bachelorettes are so weird.

[Hallie]

No, they're so weird.

[Dylan Cabbage]

They're so weird.

[Hallie]

They're so pick me and so creepy.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And it's like we're celebrating the fact that you're riding one for the rest of your life. And also it's just like, what are we doing?

[Hallie]

And why am I paying for it?

[Dylan Cabbage]

And exactly why am I paying for.

[Hallie]

Like my misery of being single and you are getting laid for the rest of your life.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I think it's really good if you're like a mother getting remarried. Like get. Go on a batch. Have the moms just go and let their hair down and just it up.

[Hallie]

I hate the sachets.

[Dylan Cabbage]

What's the Sasha like?

[Hallie]

You know, bride to be or like any of that stuff. Like one of my best friends is getting married. But like she's just like, we're going on vacation.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Which is fine.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No. And that's. I bring me to like Aruba or something. Please.

[Hallie]

Aruba. I have timeshare in Aruba. I'll bring you to.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Please. I've always wanted to go.

[Hallie]

Timeshare is like, it's. It's kind of suspect. Honestly. It's like we.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I actually really want to go to Greece.

[Hallie]

Really? We were just there.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I know. I saw. Like jealous of your life.

[Hallie]

No, that was really fun trip. You would have been the perfect addition.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Ugh. I need like a grease guys.

[Hallie]

So have you. Have you gotten since you started telling the Internet shut up. And me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, you haven't got once I had. No. But I've been rubbing a lot and like if like it's like a gay thing, like I feel like gays like gay sex isn't always penetration. It's like, rubbing and licking. And I feel like a lot of.

[Hallie]

Gays, I now are so, like, getting, like, they're at, like. There's a spectrum where they're either, like, at sex parties.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yes.

[Hallie]

Where they're like, getting, like, having, like, five sums.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Are most of your gay friends bottoms?

[Hallie]

No, Gray's not.

[Dylan Cabbage]

He's a top.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Which people get shocked by.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And he doesn't really hook up with many people. Like, I think I've said this before. I think I've had, you know, more than him.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Good for you.

[Hallie]

I know. I love, you know, real.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You know what?

[Hallie]

I.

[Dylan Cabbage]

That's amazing.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It really has better. Really?

[Hallie]

Yeah. It's like an explosion of fireworks.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Love that. And I do really love it, too. But when I stop doing it consistently, my. Just closes up.

[Hallie]

Yeah. I feel like a Boston cream donut.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, God, I need a.

[Hallie]

Can't get pregnant that way.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly. Just go in there, babe. Don't go in here.

[Hallie]

Don't break anything.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, yeah. You can hit the back door with the back, Jordan.

[Hallie]

So who do you listen to, like, as we're singing? Who are your favorite artists?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Tate McCray.

[Hallie]

Tate. I love her. I saw her last week.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I. When I was dancing growing up, I used to go to this convention called Bobby's. Or no, it was Dancer Palooza. I was like, all these different choreographers choreographing there.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I always did Bobby's Beat Camp. It was like, the jazz funk one.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I remember her coming in and, like, literally stealing the goddamn show. Like, she's been famous in the dance world ever since I was, like, doing competitive dance. Like, that is, like, been. Been doing it.

[Hallie]

She's insane. And I just saw her live, and.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I was like, did you go to the VMAs?

[Hallie]

No.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, you went to her. I don't know why. Yeah, right. I mean, kind of up me either, but.

[Hallie]

But I went to her actual concert.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I want to go in October.

[Hallie]

It was so her flexibility. My jaw was on the floor the whole time.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, she. She's known for her tilts.

[Hallie]

Like, how could you flop her? Like, is like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I don't know. Like, if I was like, oh.

[Hallie]

How would you fumble her as, like, a girlfriend? I don't know how she has ex girlfriends that aren't, like, on the floor crawling for her back.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Crawling for her back. Like, I think she's one of the most, like, insane human beings ever. Like, her performance at the VMAs. Like, all. First of all, all I think is, like, this is, like, working. Like, she's, like, dancing her.

[Hallie]

She's bugged ass out and, like, on top of that most incredible voice.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Such a good voice. And it sound. It seems like she's really good live. That's what I heard. Like, her voice.

[Hallie]

No, she's incredible. I don't know how you move like that. Dancing and then sing like that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. No, it's crazy.

[Hallie]

Oh, and she has asthma.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Of course she does. Literally. Of course she has asthma.

[Hallie]

God gives his strongest.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Warriors. Wait. His strongest soldiers the hardest jobs.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I guess I don't. I'm not good with, like, sayings like that. The only saying I know is when you spit.

[Hallie]

Tell me your favorite sayings.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I don't know if I'm saying it right, but when you're in, like, a moving car and you, like, spit outside the window, your spit comes flying right.

[Announcer]

Back in your face.

[Hallie]

I think that's just a fact. I'm saying.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. Yeah.

[Hallie]

A saying is like, you win some, you lose some.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Or like, the apple doesn't far fall from. The apple doesn't fall far from the tray.

[Hallie]

Yeah, there you go.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay.

[Hallie]

Or like, the back door is always.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Open and it's like. Or it's also like. And don't break anything.

[Hallie]

No, you break it, you buy it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yes, yes. We learn something new every day.

[Hallie]

Every day is a school day. That's another thing.

[Dylan Cabbage]

School.

[Hallie]

No, I hate school, too. Were you a good student growing up?

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I. I wasn't a good student growing up. I was just. My attention span was terrible, and, you know, I don't know if I even can say this. I, like, my parents literally put me on Adderall.

[Hallie]

You can say that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. My parents put me on Adderall. Same in ninth grade. And I feel like I grew up, like, with a weird, like. I don't know, like, I grew up on medication that, like, numbed all my emotions. So I just felt, like, really numb in my high school years. But, like, in middle school and stuff, I was crazy. But I think they were, like, at the time, that was a medicine that was kind of a new thing. And it worked. Like, when I first took it, I was getting great, like, you know, scores on my tests and stuff. They're like, oh, my God, this is amazing. So, yeah, I was just put on it for so long, and I didn't realize, like, it literally ruined my, like. I don't know, the way I can, like, feel. Yeah.

[Hallie]

Emotions. That's, like, something I've never even thought about it because I went on. I had really bad ADHD in like ocd. Kind of like when I was in seventh grade and I was like, kind of like figuring that out. And it was like a newer drug, Adderall, and by bands. And it was like, oh, like, if you go on this, like, you'll get really good grades. And I remember like, you just feel kind of like your whole body's numb, but you're like wired.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, literally. And it's like, I remember like you just. I couldn't even cry, like about like, and I just thought like, oh, like I'm just so like emotionless. But no, when I got off of it, I was crying.

[Hallie]

No, he. Crashing out. Crazy.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, the calm down's crazy. And also I was a by like.

[Hallie]

5Pm yeah, you probably weren't eating enough.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, honey, I wasn't. I. This was my meal. I'm not kidding. Every day I had like a. I went to Dunkin, I had a strawberry glazed donut with a cough. Didn't eat anything. And at lunch I literally sat there like looking at people like, why are you eating?

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And then I had a salad for dinner.

[Hallie]

Judging them.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. But a lot of my friends were put on Adderall too. So we kind of all were like really stale together.

[Hallie]

Yeah. You just weren't saying a word out like a word.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And then when I look back on it, I was like, mom, dad, like, what? Like, why do that?

[Hallie]

Did you put me through?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

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[Dylan Cabbage]

What was what gave me like a really crazy Story like from middle school. Yeah. Before you were put on drugs.

[Hallie]

Like, I don't know, like, I was just kind of. I didn't want to do homework. I think I was a very lazy kid.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Very lazy. And.

[Hallie]

Yeah. And I kind of just wanted to, like, hang out with my friends and not do much and then like go to bed when I wanted to and sleep in.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I. Half days or like two hour delays or snow day. Fuck me. And also, like, I. Did you ever used to play, like, hooky? Like, I'm so sick. And then your parents were like, it's fine. And that feeling when your parents said, it's fine and you can just go right back to bed.

[Hallie]

Bed.

[Dylan Cabbage]

O.

[Hallie]

And you're just out.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, out.

[Hallie]

I didn't realize, like, when we were young, like, how early we had to be up.

[Dylan Cabbage]

6:00Am yeah. Like, and then, like, pick out a whole fit. Yeah, like a whole fit. Like brushed our teeth, putting contacts. Like we were doing it all. Yeah, for what, though?

[Hallie]

For who? I went to an all girls Catholic school. Like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And I used to wear those sugar lips.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Love a sugar lip.

[Hallie]

And I was. Yeah, they were really.

[Dylan Cabbage]

They were really good.

[Hallie]

And I was kind of like on the chubbier side before, like eighth grade. And then they'd be like, holly, you look like a slot. Like, you have to like, take something from the lost and found in change. So we'd have to like go into.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, yeah. No, they used if like you're. If you wear shorts. If your shoulders were showing, you would have to go to the fucking lost and found. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not wearing your hand me down. Yeah, no.

[Hallie]

So weird.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And it's like, do you guys know what a sugar lip is?

[Hallie]

Yeah. Get with the fudgeing time.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, come on.

[Hallie]

Wait, so did you go to a private school?

[Dylan Cabbage]

So I went to public school and then my parents put me in a private school in like seventh through eighth grade. And it was like, terrible. Like, I got bullied there so much. Like, it was really bad. Well, because I was so, always so gay and flamboyant. Like, I never came out. Like, I was. I wore dresses at my third grade birthday party. Like, my mom painted my nails for kindergarten. Like, I was always just gay and, like, I would know. I didn't know that it was like, different or a thing until, like, I got bullied and people are like, you're gay. And then one day I remember I went home and I searched up, like, what gay men? And it just like, I was like, oh, is that like, not normal, like, at such a young age. So it was really weird.

[Hallie]

Wait, that's like, so powerful that you always, like, knew who you were, though. I feel like it's almost like. Because Graydon says the same thing. He's like, I was born gay. And, like, I never, like, no one ever questioned it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Like, people like, that's so. Like, that's so 10 years ago to get bullied for being gay. That would never happen now.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And it's like, people that do, it's like, get with it, please. And they're also gay too.

[Hallie]

Like, most of them are.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Well, yeah.

[Hallie]

What do you think about the theory that, like, most men are gay? Because Green says this all the time.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. So I actually have a really good thing to say about that.

[Hallie]

Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Preach, babe. So I went to overnight camp for, like, 11 years, and I stayed and I lived with, like, boys and stuff. AB and they used to, like, do things with me. And, like, I now see them with, like, wives and stuff. So get. Boys are just horny in general. So, like, a hole is a hole. And when you're all in, like, when, like, the locker room, like, anything, like, time, like, all guys are together, it's like they're everyone. They're just horny.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So it's like sucking dick is like. You can just put a paper bag over something.

[Hallie]

Like, a mouth is a mouth. A hole is a hole.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, it's a hole.

[Hallie]

I feel that way, cuz, like, I see a lot of people that come out with, like, kids and wives, but, like, I know they're on Grindr. I. I know, like, Green will open his Grinder in Nantucket. We'll be at, like, a restaurant, like, a popping restaurant, where, like, a dad's, like, with all, like, his family, his wife, his kids.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And he'll pop up Grindr and all those people will be on it. It honestly gives me anxiety.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, it's. It's really scary because I did hook up with a dad that had children, in a way, a wife did, you know?

[Hallie]

Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It was in. I was in college, though.

[Hallie]

It's okay. I mean, yeah, it takes two to tango, babe.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly.

[Hallie]

But, like, I've been hooking up with a lot of gay men.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, they're by.

[Hallie]

There's a bi epidemic. It's not epidemic, but it's an epidemic for me because I feel like they don't want part of the buy.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. They want the eye. Listen.

[Hallie]

They want the B.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And I 100 agree. Like, I feel like by is just, like, an excuse. Yeah. It's like, no.

[Hallie]

Can I say that?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, I think it's okay to say that.

[Hallie]

Everyone knows I'm not homophobic or anything like that. Like, I love gays.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, you do. You're a gay man at heart.

[Hallie]

I am a gay man in a woman's body.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I love that.

[Hallie]

But I keep, like, hooking up with these guys that, you know, want me to, like, fist their ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No.

[Hallie]

And that's a telltale sign.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And you wouldn't. You. Would you do that?

[Hallie]

Once I had a guide on all fours and he wanted me to, like, finger his ass and eat his ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Did you?

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You know what, Iris?

[Hallie]

I'm a people pleaser.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I actually respect that so much because I don't eat ass.

[Hallie]

You don't eat ass?

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I, like, eat it too.

[Hallie]

Like, no is not my vocabulary.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm picturing you eating. Yes.

[Hallie]

Like, I'll jump off a diving board to, like, go into someone's ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Can you eat my ass?

[Hallie]

Yeah. Maybe after this. That'll be a different segment for extra dirty. Oh, yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You have to subscribe.

[Hallie]

Yeah, you have to.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God.

[Hallie]

It's subscription only content. Yeah, I. But, like, guys just love their ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Again because we have a G spot in there. And that's why it's good to. It's good that you do that because that's probably why guys get so bored sometimes because they want to be, like, pleased by, like, their G spot too. Like, the dick isn't just the G spot. Like, you have a full on.

[Hallie]

In their ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

In their ass. And yes, it might be a little feminine when you're doing it and they're, like, arching their back. But listen, we're human and we're sexual and we like to play.

[Hallie]

What is your go to drink order on a first date?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I am a wine girl. I love wine.

[Hallie]

Like, I think wine makes me the horniest.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, red wine. Like, please, please, like, put me in.

[Hallie]

A cage and hide me from your dad. Yeah, Red wine makes me feral.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I want to be just, like, legs spread open on, like, a gorgeous bed and just go insane on my.

[Hallie]

You stole the words right out of my mouth, literally.

[Dylan Cabbage]

But no, I do like wine. And I also would just do a little gin. A little three, like, glasses of gin. It's just. It really amps it up. It's just when you get blacked out on it, you will not remember, like, we were just talking.

[Hallie]

No, it gets you nuts. Is there a drink order that you were with a guy that you'd be like, what the. You're a weirdo for ordering that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

A Jack and Coke.

[Hallie]

A Jack and Coke, yeah. That's a good one.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I know, but it makes people's breath smell really bad.

[Hallie]

Yeah, it's kind of a suspect.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like, I think it. I. I like the taste of it. But, like, I love Coke. Me, too.

[Hallie]

No, but, like, I love Diet Coke.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, me too, as well.

[Hallie]

Yeah, but, like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, Jack and Coke just makes people's breath smell sometimes. And you might not know it, but it does.

[Hallie]

Yeah. No, it's. It's just like. Yeah, it's a very aggressive drink order when there's, like, martinis.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, it's also like. It's more just like. Let's just wait till, like, after dinner. Like, get a Jack and Coke at, like, a dive bar or something.

[Hallie]

I think, like, for guys, a gin and tonic. Great. That's a great first drink order. Like a scotch on the rocks. Yeah, great first drink order. One that would freak me out is if a guy, like, sat down with me and he was like, can I have a lychee martini?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, I get where you're going with this.

[Hallie]

Do you know what I mean?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, okay. I got you. Yeah, I got you now. Yeah. Lychee martini.

[Hallie]

We were like, this is a red flag drink order.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, like, babe, don't even say Martini.

[Hallie]

Martini. Cosmo.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Oh, a Cosmo martini. I feel like a guy said, I'll have a Cosmo martini. Babe, you got to get up and run.

[Hallie]

I mean, my dad loves cosmos. Yeah, but, like, he's married, and he was.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, like, established one. Like, you're fine when you have that. Like, babe, drink all the cosmos and all the martinis. But fudgeing. Get a whiskey. Actually, not a whiskey. A scotch.

[Hallie]

No, whiskey is also, like, very potent in the smell.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, it is. Whiskey gives, like. Like, put on a fire, watch, like, Twilight, and don't talk to me.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. In, like, the middle of the woods.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Middle of the woods, yeah.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. We should go clamping.

[Dylan Cabbage]

What's that?

[Hallie]

It's, like, glamorous camping.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. I like the sound of that.

[Hallie]

Like, imagine me and you in the woods.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay.

[Hallie]

Camping. Like, you know, like Paris. Nicole, simple life.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You're literally speaking a dream of mine.

[Hallie]

And we could just like, make it chic and document the whole thing.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God. Like, please. I feel like I would. I feel like you would be Paris and I would be Nicole. Yeah, actually, we could be, like, either one, right?

[Hallie]

I, like, like, yeah, I think I would be Paris and you would be.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would Be Nicole, because I feel.

[Hallie]

Like you would actually, like, have your together, and I would kind of be like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And, like, if someone with us, like, I will.

[Hallie]

You will stand on business.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Have you ever been with a girl?

[Dylan Cabbage]

No. But when I went to overnight camp, like, I hooked up with a girl because our counselors used to make us, like, grab a girl and, like, bring up. Bring them to this place called boys hard Top. Like this. No, it's. It's Jewish overnight camp, guys. It's culty and weird, and that just.

[Hallie]

Sounds sexual in itself.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It's weird hard top. A boys hard top. I mean, it's boys hard top. It's like a volleyball court. And, like, we would have dances every Sunday, and our counselors, who were, like, 20 years old, were, like, convince us to, like, go get a girl in, like, one of the other cabins. And then when our cabin and age division is called to go home, bring her up to Boyd's hard top, and, like, we would just kiss, like, for two minutes. Like, a little lick in the mouth. And I remember. Sorry, Sabrina, but I remember I used to get with Sabrina, and, like, you're such a gorgeous girl. I love you. But, gosh, she wanted to go to second base. I was like, no, I can't do that. I can only just put my tongue in your mouth, like, for five seconds, and I would literally go, like this. Love you, Sabrina. I don't talk to you anymore.

[Hallie]

Sabrina, we love you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And that's when you knew. But honestly, probably just, like, that was like, the confirmation.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It was. I. I honestly didn't even need that confirmation. I was like, jesus, what am I getting out of here? But it was fine. I felt like it was two girls, like, one cup, so.

[Hallie]

Oh, I've been with a girl before.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. I feel like. No, you just look. You're just like. I feel like you would look hot kissing a girl.

[Hallie]

No. Yeah. I love kissing girls. Girls are. Girls, in my opinion, are better kissers.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. And you just give a lot of, like, sex appeal.

[Hallie]

Really?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I have. I'm in a drag spell right now.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Which is so shocking. But you need it.

[Hallie]

Like, I just, like, needed it for, like. I just, like. I don't know. I needed a reset, but now I'm ready to go balls to the wall. I want to be juggling everyone's balls. My mouth.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I feel like you're going to be like, I'm gonna hear you. Oh, yeah, you're gonna be. You're gonna hear me screaming. Like, you're going to be giddy from the upper.

[Hallie]

Yeah, you'll be hearing me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'll be like, I'll be sleeping and be like.

[Hallie]

Like, that's a raven.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. I had a vision. No writing.

[Hallie]

Well, like, guys right now are just like, hiding from me. I feel like men are just, like, kind of scared of me, to be honest.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Why? It's because you're like, you are like a strong woman. And like, you're not like. Like, you're just like. Boys don't like that.

[Hallie]

I feel like they like a weak.

[Dylan Cabbage]

They like a weak because, like, when a girl is more like when they give. Not saying that, like, you have masculine energy, but it comes up like, it's just like a masculine, like, way to just be like, stronger than a man, like, personality wise and just saying what you want to say, like, that kind of intimidates men. And when men are intimidating, it makes them just like, feel less than and they just never want to. So don't take it personally.

[Hallie]

I know. I just feel like maybe. Oh, is there. They're looking for us, Dylan.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, God. It would be so iconic to get arrested on here.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. Imagine they heard us talking about coke and they, like, came for us.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Marshall called the police and said hi. They're doing cocaine. Life gets packed fast. Between school drop offs, long work days, travel and social plans, the calendar barely leaves room room to breathe. Even the fun stuff can feel like just another item on the to do list. When life's full of time's tight, Instacart helps you stay on track. Instacart is more than a grocery app. It's a care company that works around your schedule. Get groceries and household essentials delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Whether you're hosting a barbecue, getting back from a trip, or juggling back to school chaos with reliable shoppers and a platform you can count on, Instacart delivers quality and convenience without cutting corners, so you can focus on what matters most. I once used Instacart in a pinch to grab SD cards for my podcast. After realizing I was completely out of them the night before a big interview, it saved me a last minute trip and kept my episode on schedule. Download the Instacart app. Use code EXTRADTY20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code X EXTRADTY20 to get twenty dollars off your first of eighty dollars or more offer valid for a limited time, excludes restaurants, additional term supply. Meeting new people just got way more fun because now you don't have to do it alone. With Tinder's new double date feature, you and your bestie can match together. Tap the double date icon to see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off. Scope the profiles, send memes, keep the chat fun. Hype each other up. Flirt a little, maybe plan a hang. It's always better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder double date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Okay, let's do this cute little segment. I feel like you're gonna thrive in this.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay.

[Hallie]

This segment, I'm just gonna be like, it's dating and sex life scenarios.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Cute.

[Hallie]

And the premise of it is, like, how would Dylan react in the situation? Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay, let's do it.

[Hallie]

And then I'll put my two cents in there if I have something to say. Okay, so say you're on a date and he asks you to take pictures of him for his Instagram. What would you do?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would take them.

[Hallie]

You would?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. You know, it's. It's fine.

[Hallie]

No, I feel like that's kind.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

If it were me, though.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And, like. And a guy was like, can you please?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, I feel like it's different if it's, like, two gays.

[Hallie]

Yeah. You know, that's true.

[Dylan Cabbage]

But if, like, I was a girl, I'd be like, babe. No.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I'd be, like, off.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, so you're on a date, and he orders chicken fingers off the kids menu, and he's a man. Well, then thank you for clarifying that. He's a man.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. I would be like, I'm paying for dinner because clearly he's not paying if he's getting chicken.

[Hallie]

He's giving cheap.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It's giving 100 cheap.

[Hallie]

Okay. I thought it would be getting, like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Well, actually, you know what the thing is? It's like, I don't want to eat. I just want to drink and have, like, a cute little.

[Hallie]

Like, I just want to drink and suck. Yeah, drink and suck.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, I don't want to see you eating.

[Hallie]

Drink and suck. Drink drinking. Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Hey.

[Hallie]

Hey. So say you're on a date and he tells you he has a heart out and he has to leave at a certain time. What would you do?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would be pissed. I hate when people, like, don't ask me to date you this night if you have plans. Yeah, Like, I want you to. I want you to potentially me after.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Like, literally.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like. Like, do not tell me you have to go.

[Hallie]

What do you think about on the first Date.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm okay with that.

[Hallie]

I'm so. I'm pro it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, because if they're not. Listen, guys, we all have to agree with this. If they're bad at sex, it's not gonna work.

[Hallie]

Oh, yeah. So might as well, like, cut to the chase.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Me.

[Hallie]

Okay. You're having sex and he high fives you mid sex.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God. I actually feel like that kind of happened to me before.

[Hallie]

Really?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. I don't know if it was a high five, but something like high fivey. I don't know. I. I don't know.

[Hallie]

Like a tunnel or something.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, just like, something like that. But I. You know what? I would probably blank out and not know what to do.

[Hallie]

I feel you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And keep writing.

[Hallie]

I'd probably ignore it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I probably finish. I'd be like.

[Hallie]

Yeah, like spirit fingers.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, so say you're hooking up for the first time in a sex playlist. Is all Sabrina Carpenter.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would. I would get distracted.

[Hallie]

You start singing.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would start singing, and I wouldn't. The third, second, third floor. And I promise none of this is a meta.

[Hallie]

Are you big?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I am. I love her.

[Hallie]

I love her. She's really cute.

[Dylan Cabbage]

She should come on this pod.

[Hallie]

I would love her to.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Sabrina, if you're available, please come on this podcast.

[Hallie]

Please, come on.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Please, please, please, please don't prove Haley's wrong.

[Hallie]

Okay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

So say you're having sex and he has a micropion. It's an easy sucking on a carrot.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. The sucking part would suck, but the writing and would be great because I wouldn't feel anything and I can really, like, perform and, like, it would just be like a practice show.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like in, like, there's cardio. Yeah. Like, for the gays. Like, when the dick's really small. It's honestly sometimes, like, okay, I can do this tonight.

[Hallie]

It's manageable. You don't want a big ass girthy.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I do.

[Hallie]

I think there's such, like, a thing is too big.

[Dylan Cabbage]

100. And I don't think it's too big for your mouth. Like, I like looking like my eyes are falling out.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

But, like, when it comes to my back door. Babe, like, relax.

[Hallie]

We can't, like, create a tunnel.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And also, like, who do they think they are? Like, they think they're really gonna fuck me.

[Hallie]

So.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Are you really gonna fuck me?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, so say you're having sex and he moans the name of the not preferred sex.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Hallie]

So, like, say you're him and he moans Halle.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Or Susan, I would be very confused, but I would probably just keep going. Yeah, yeah.

[Hallie]

I'm trying to think about me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I mean, for you, I feel like that would be kind of really. If it was Dylan, I'd feel like it would be fine. But for you, if a guy was you and he said, Katie, like, you would be like, what?

[Hallie]

No, this is the not preferred sex.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, sorry.

[Hallie]

So, like, say I'm like. I, like, assume he likes girls because we're having sex and he like, Matthew.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, I. I didn't read the question. Right. I would be, like, kind of turned on by it.

[Hallie]

You would?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

That's fun for you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Hallie]

I would be very confused.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I would just be like, huh?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, it would be confusing for you, I feel like. But for me, I'd be like, oh, yeah, Am I better than that piss here?

[Hallie]

So, yeah, Maybe I need to have more of that attitude.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay, so say you're texting and you ask for nudes. What do you do? You always send.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, yeah, I do.

[Hallie]

My Snapchat got hacked, though.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay. So. Yeah, so I think it's actually really iconic for nudes to be released, and I don't want to put that into the universe because there's some nudes that I take and it's like. Like a little, like, I'm, like, raunchy.

[Hallie]

Minor videos, and I'm doing, like, blow off.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh. I want to say no.

[Hallie]

Like, I love them.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I feel like.

[Hallie]

I honestly hope they get leaks.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, me too.

[Hallie]

They're, like, kind of iconic.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I feel like you would probably, like, you probably look so good.

[Hallie]

There's. There's this one video where I have a massive pink dildo and I'm just, like, plowing myself with it.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh.

[Hallie]

And, like, it's like, full, like, open legs, like, the whole thing. And it got. It got saved to camera roll when they hacked my Snapchat.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You're doing God's work.

[Hallie]

I am, but, like, people could learn a thing or two.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, exactly. You're like.

[Hallie]

I always say, like, I wouldn't lose followers from the situation.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yes.

[Hallie]

You know what I'm saying?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Okay, good.

[Hallie]

Okay. You're having sex, and he's a pillow princess now I'm.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm done. It's not gonna work.

[Hallie]

What is it? Can you give me a perfect example of a pillow prince?

[Dylan Cabbage]

You lay there and they just. You. And you're not, like, you're not pushing back on it. You're literally maybe arching a little bit, and they're just. It. And they're maneuvering you for a position. Like, you're not. Like, you're not in it with them.

[Hallie]

You're like dead fish.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, you're literally like this. Yes. But, like, you're not, like. Yes. Like, you're just not giving it to them.

[Hallie]

You're not. You're giving nothing.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And there is some times where I'm like, that.

[Hallie]

Well, sometimes I'm just, like, tired.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, exactly.

[Hallie]

But I'm always like, if I'm having sex, because it's, like, become, like, a rarity at this point.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I'm giving up my all.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly.

[Hallie]

I'm winning an EGOT from my Performance 100.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So if I want to be a pillow princess, forgive me. Yeah, right.

[Hallie]

Forgive me and just me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly. And they'll be fine with that.

[Hallie]

Okay. Say you're meeting his friends, and their nickname for him is Mr. Sti.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm. I would. I wouldn't know.

[Hallie]

No, no.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I would probably kiss him and maybe, like, hump a little bit, but no intersection.

[Hallie]

No.

[Dylan Cabbage]

We cannot not insert.

[Hallie]

Have you ever gotten anything? Because I've gotten chlamydia.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No. How was that for you?

[Hallie]

It was like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I feel like it's kind of fun to get it.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

The antibiotics were fun.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like, I. And, oh, you get drunker with antibiotics.

[Hallie]

Yeah. So I loved it. I'm not putting that out there.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, no, don't.

[Hallie]

Don't do that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Don't get. I mean, if you get chlamydia, it's fine. But don't drink on antidepressants or antibiotics. Yeah.

[Hallie]

But, like, both. You should drink on antidepressants.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Listen, you don't need. And never mind. Never mind.

[Hallie]

We're going down.

[Announcer]

Yeah, we're going down.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like, no.

[Hallie]

Okay, so you're planning a date, and he suggests you go over to watch and play video games.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Now.

[Hallie]

Now.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Because you want to know why their comforter probably smells like.

[Hallie]

It's probably, like, navy blue, too.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Navy blue. And it's not with a duvet cover.

[Hallie]

No duvet.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And the pillows are flat.

[Hallie]

No headboard.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And they have, like, an anime poster.

[Hallie]

Oh, my God. Like, Spider man and, like, a gaming console.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Ew.

[Hallie]

And a keyboard.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. And, like, there's, like, weird things, like.

[Hallie]

A very, like, crackable rag in the corner.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Crack. Like, like, they're. You're cracking the blankets in half.

[Hallie]

You pick up the blanket, it just turns to dust.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Boom. Yeah. Like, now it's literally. And I'm sure we've all been there.

[Hallie]

Before, and we've all been in, like, a college dorm.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, God.

[Hallie]

Have you ever, like, been in a frat house?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hallie]

Those are the scariest.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Terrible.

[Hallie]

They smell like farts.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like what? Like, just because you guys are men, like, it doesn't mean you need to be, like, dirty, disgusting.

[Hallie]

Also, like, they. My ex used to, like, pee in a water bottle next to his bed.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Get up and go to the bathroom, pig.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, no, literally, you know. No, literally, like, it's not cute. And it's like, you're not better than everyone to just have a disgusting ass room. Clean it up.

[Hallie]

Clean it up.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, seriously, get a mop. Yeah, seriously. Or all come together and get a cleaning service.

[Hallie]

No, literally, it can't be that expensive.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Anyways, that took a lot out of me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, it's really frustrating.

[Hallie]

Okay, so say you're planning a date.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And he wants to go on a silent meditation class.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I'm into that. Because you know what? People who meditate and stuff like that are really in tuned with their pelvic floor and they're just so sexually good.

[Hallie]

What is. Where's your pelvic floor?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Right here. Like your pelvic floor. Like your. Your hip, lips, your eyes.

[Hallie]

Okay. Yeah. And I feel like they're like, like very into, like.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Like chakras.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Karma sutra.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Yeah. And like your body, like they would find the clip.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like, it's like they can feel where everything just. And you're just like this. Wow. Like so. Yeah, I like that.

[Hallie]

Okay, fine. Maybe I'll be about that too.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I think that's actually something that you would really like.

[Hallie]

I think I should do that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

A yogi. They're probably gay, though.

[Hallie]

They're probably gay.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I'll bring them to you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay. So you wake up in his apartment and realize there's no pillows on his bed. Just one decorative throw cushion.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Now, I. Beds are a huge thing to me.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Half the European Euro pillows and have the chop and tuck that in. Like your bed is. Needs to be clean.

[Hallie]

It's essential.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Turned offy when the bed's disgusting. Stank.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dylan Cabbage]

So, no, I mean, we can have sex in it, but you will not be my husband or boyfriend.

[Hallie]

I agree.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Okay. So you say you're at his house and he facetimes his mom to ask where she puts the extra toilet paper. Wipe his ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Wait, wait, hold on. I'm sorry. See that again.

[Hallie]

So say you're at his house and he facetimes his mom to ask where she put the extra toilet paper.

[Dylan Cabbage]

He facetimes his mom.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Honestly, I Would just be like, you don't know where the toilet. Do you wipe your ass?

[Hallie]

Like, why is he wiping his ass with toilet paper?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah, like get a wipe and get. You know, literally get a wipe and a tushy.

[Hallie]

Yeah.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It's like a boudet. You know, Boudet. Somebody saying it right.

[Hallie]

Yeah, I know you're saying it right.

[Dylan Cabbage]

That is. You turn it on and it sprays your busy.

[Hallie]

Wait, I need that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

And then when you take a good one and you just spray that up there. God, it feels good. It's a shower.

[Hallie]

I love how you're. I think that would make me come.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No. Sometimes I'm like this. No. It's so good. Tushy, tushy.

[Hallie]

Sponsor him.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yes, Tushy.

[Hallie]

Okay. Say is Lock. Scream. Is him a selfie of himself?

[Dylan Cabbage]

I can respect the love. I think it's really amazing when people like love themselves. I really do. But no, no, I don't think.

[Hallie]

I think that's very narcissistic.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. 100.

[Hallie]

What do you think of Jim selfies?

[Dylan Cabbage]

You know, they turn me on.

[Hallie]

Is there like a big like red.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Flag on dating profiles when there's someone else in the first picture? Like, I don't know who.

[Hallie]

I agree with that.

[Dylan Cabbage]

You are.

[Hallie]

And it's always like a hotter friend.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Yes. And then you scroll and it's like that. It's the uglier one and it's ugly and it's just like. Or you know what you're doing when you put your hot friend in your first picture.

[Hallie]

Yeah. You ugly piece of. Okay. What if he hints at starting a couple's tick tock together?

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I see. I don't. I listen. I just don't. I think it's a recipe for disaster. And also I don't want a boyfriend like that, like posts and is like an entertainer like us.

[Hallie]

Like, that's what I always say. I don't want someone that's adjacent offline.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. I want someone rooting me from a doctor's office.

[Hallie]

I can't have someone that has. I always say that I would rather someone that has either like a lot more followers than me. Like extremely famous.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Or like no followers at all.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Like, not someone who's trying to like, do it with me and like build it with me. Like.

[Hallie]

Yeah. Like they're so famous, they're like hiding.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly.

[Hallie]

Or they have no followers.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Exactly.

[Hallie]

Like, we are the star of the show.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Ex. Like, I have to be the star and you have to be so. Yeah.

[Hallie]

So obsessed with you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

No, I'M so upset.

[Hallie]

I feel like we could go on for hours and hours. We can and do, like, a different. A bunch of different segments.

[Dylan Cabbage]

We should do one naked.

[Hallie]

We should do one naked and have.

[Dylan Cabbage]

It just be blurred out the whole time.

[Hallie]

We should, like, pretend like we're, like, on the beach. Beach and some sand in our bathing suits.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Just drink, like, a bottle of Malibu together.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, my God. Literally. Say last.

[Hallie]

What was your get up like? Alcohol of choice when you were in high school?

[Dylan Cabbage]

Tequila.

[Hallie]

Really? Mine was hypnotic.

[Dylan Cabbage]

I never heard of that.

[Hallie]

It's bloom.

[Dylan Cabbage]

What's that? What's that?

[Hallie]

It's really scary. Oh, like hypnotic and Malibu and then raspberry Svetka.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, yeah, the raspberry spatula. Yeah.

[Hallie]

It'll put you into a coma.

[Dylan Cabbage]

My first Friday of my college year, I ended up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

[Hallie]

Same.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Really?

[Hallie]

I got stretchered out once.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Wait, no, me too. And I thought. And guess what? The doctor was so hot. And my RA came into her room. All of us are throwing up. All of us.

[Hallie]

My R.A. hated me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh, I. Me too. And he was so hot. Of course.

[Hallie]

Wait.

[Dylan Cabbage]

We're so much alike.

[Hallie]

I know.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Are we.

[Hallie]

Are you.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Are we lying to each other? Just.

[Hallie]

No. I'm dead ass.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

This is all things I've said on the show before.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

My R.A. was named Holly, actually. And she hated me.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah. Because she's jealous of you.

[Hallie]

Yeah, we had the same name.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.

[Hallie]

See, that's a saying.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

And I feel like that's a great way to end.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

I had so much fun with you on.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Me too.

[Hallie]

I want you to, like, keep coming on, babe.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Invite me over. And we do have to do brunch, though.

[Hallie]

We do have to do brunch. I up that dumb. I was with.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Yeah.

[Hallie]

Keys. And I said you're.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Give me her number. I want to text her. I'm kidding.

[Hallie]

Literally. But I love you. And guys, thank you for tuning in again. Extra Dirty, another episode. As always, you can watch on YouTube and listen to me on every other streaming platform. Dylan, I love you. Where can they find you?

[Dylan Cabbage]

TikTok and Instagram. And maybe in your bed.

[Hallie]

Love you.

[Announcer]

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[Hallie]

Ever since switching to T Mobile, something weird has been happening. I get to cut lines.

[Dylan Cabbage]

Oh right this way.

[Hallie]

Who me? I can stream shows at 30,000ft and I was able to buy reserve tickets for my favorite band.

[Announcer]

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[Hallie]

Ah DSW Earth place of the humble. Brag here. The shoes are so good no one would ever know how little you paid if you didn't go telling everyone that is. And with never ending options for every style, mood and occasion all at really great prices, we'll definitely give you something to brag about. So go ahead. Stock up on fresh sneakers from your favorite brands or try those boots you always secretly knew you could pull off. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores [e-mail] Let us surprise you.