Exposing our Body Counts with Alex Cooper

Summary

Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder: Episode Summary – "Exposing our Body Counts with Alex Cooper"

Release Date: December 12, 2024

In this rambunctious and unfiltered episode of Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder, host Hallie Batchelder teams up with her longtime friends and co-hosts, Alex Cooper and Graydon Cutler, to dive deep into their personal lives, relationships, and wild nightlife in New York City. This episode, titled "Exposing our Body Counts with Alex Cooper," is a rollercoaster of drunken anecdotes, humorous confessions, and candid conversations that encapsulate the essence of modern friendship and the chaos of city living.

Late-Night Antics and Clubbing Tales

The episode kicks off with Hallie and Alex debriefing their previous night's escapades. Hallie admits, "I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation" (00:18), setting the tone for an open and raw discussion about their partying habits. They recount their visits to various NYC hotspots, including Zero Bond and Tushi, navigating through intense drinking sessions and mingling with diverse crowds. Hallie humorously notes her struggle with staying sober, stating, "I kept falling into like the crevice of the table, behind the table into the corner" (02:47).

Discussing Body Counts and Personal Lists

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the concept of "body counts" — the number of sexual partners each host has had. Hallie humorously compares her list to a phone book, showcasing the extensive number of past relationships and encounters. Alex teases, "Do you rate them by the first time you had it or do you rate them by the good to the bad?" (04:13), highlighting the playful yet honest dynamic between the hosts. They laugh over the intricacies of maintaining these lists, with Hallie remarking, "I like how they, like, progressively got more famous. We agreed." (22:43).

Accusations of Grooming and Public Perception

The conversation takes a serious turn when Alex addresses allegations surfaced on TikTok accusing him of "grooming" Hallie. Alex defensively states, "I have been grooming her since the day I met her. Okay, what does that even mean?" (09:22), to which Hallie responds by clarifying their platonic and professional relationship, "It's only on holidays." (15:28). They delve into how public perceptions often misunderstand their interactions, stressing the difference between private camaraderie and misconstrued behaviors.

Graydon's Arrest Story: A Wild Detour

Graydon Cutler shares a gripping story about his encounter with law enforcement. He recounts, "I had a bunch of nips stuffed in my shoe. Like shooters. Like nips. And then I gave the cop a fake ID..." (20:07), describing his brief stint in jail. The group reacts with a mix of disbelief and amusement, especially when Graydon details the challenges he faced inside, including losing his jewelry and facing an hour-long detention. Hallie quips, "I feel like you were, like, sassy. Like I was crazy." (20:14), adding levity to the intense narrative.

The Infamous Ski Mask Grindr Encounter

One of the episode's standout moments is Graydon's bizarre encounter on Grindr. He narrates, "I meet up with this kid in a parking lot... he was approaching my car wearing a ski mask." (23:08), describing the unsettling situation where the individual attempts to engage sexually but fails to maintain composure, ultimately leaving Graydon unnerved. The story raises questions about online dating safety and the unpredictability of such interactions.

Plans, Reflections, and Future Nights Out

As the episode progresses, Hallie provides a detailed recap of their chaotic weekend, including missed ferry rides to Nantucket and their spontaneous trip that left Hallie without her wallet. She states, "I had to take a train. Like all like a ferry. There is no easy way of getting to Nantucket quickly..." (37:32), illustrating the unpredictable nature of their adventures. The hosts discuss their intentions to continue their nightlife endeavors, with plans to visit popular venues like Submerser and Little Sister, ensuring listeners that more wild stories are on the horizon.

Conclusion: Embracing the Chaos

The episode wraps up with heartfelt reflections and laughter, emphasizing the strong bond between Hallie, Alex, and Graydon. Hallie concludes, "I love you guys. That's all for today's episode and so many kisses and Bissell. Love you all." (34:18), reinforcing the show's theme of candid friendship and unapologetic storytelling.

Notable Quotes:

• "I was so having the most fun in my life last night." – Alex Cooper (00:04)
• "I got you." – Hallie Batchelder (01:56)
• "I have been grooming her since the day I met her." – Alex Cooper (09:22)
• "Jail's not fun. Like, I was in the real jail for a hot second." – Graydon Cutler (21:15)
• "Why is he wearing a ski mask? Because he's straight." – Graydon Cutler (26:35)

This episode of Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder delivers an unfiltered look into the lives of its hosts, blending humor, vulnerability, and outrageous stories that resonate with anyone navigating the tumultuous waters of relationships and nightlife in a bustling city. Whether you're a seasoned listener or new to the show, this episode promises laughter, shock, and a deeper understanding of the dynamic trio.

Transcript

[Hallie Bachelder]

You were actually drinking last night.

[Alex Cooper]

I was so having the. I was literally having the most fun in my life last night. Have you not learned anything about podcasting yet? Pull up your mic. Where's your mic?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Okay, guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie. The streets of New York.

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[Alex Cooper]

What are we talking about?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I don't know. I bunch of notes and I read a single.

[Alex Cooper]

Welcome back to Extra Dirty.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Hello, everyone.

[Alex Cooper]

No, you're going to do an intro for this. I'm going to be like the tail end because what you want new intro?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I don't want to drive this ship just yet.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I got you.

[Alex Cooper]

She's still in training wheels.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I'm still drunk.

[Alex Cooper]

Welcome back to Extra Dirty. My name is Hallie Bachelder and I had such a good time last night. I was thriving last night.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You were living your best life with those bangs bouncing around.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, let's tell them what we did last night.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Okay. What did we do last night?

[Alex Cooper]

So we went to a absolute rager.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, it was fun.

[Alex Cooper]

It was fun.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I got there so early. One thing about me is I will be prompt.

[Alex Cooper]

No, the best part of the night, you guys, is I'm standing at the DJ booth and all of a sudden I turn around and Graydon's eight foot body is literally laid up behind the DJ booth. And it wasn't like you on the ground. Graydon, he's in the other room being like, oh my God. It helped me. He was having a good time down there.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, he was having a ball. I kept falling into like the Crevice of the table, behind the table into the corner.

[Alex Cooper]

Lord help you. I saw you. You lost it a couple times. I had to grab you by the nipple and pull you back up from your nipple.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, I was trying to make a point to, like, not get that drunk last night. Because I feel like every time you see me, I'm in the worst shape ever. And Matt's like. Matt said to me before I left last night, he's like, you can go home if you want. Your eyes are crossing. And I was like, fuck, I failed.

[Alex Cooper]

I didn't see your eyes cross as much, but that could be because I was sitting next to you like this, so I was never making direct eye contact with you. I was just like, looking at the side of your head, so I didn't really see your eyes.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You were busy.

[Alex Cooper]

We should we talk about the tea of me literally talking to Remy about the guy that's dating an influencer that lied to everyone and said he fucked me?

[Hallie Bachelder]

We. Yeah, we. I forgot what, like, we say things to each other when we're drunk and you never know what I'm talking about. I never know what you're talking about. We just kind of like, not at each other.

[Alex Cooper]

You're always like, okay, Remy hooked up with this person and before she hooked up with him, she was like. He was like saying that he fucked me. I have my list right here. Let me show you the men I've fucked.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Oh, my God, my list looks like a phone book. Where's my phone? We. I would love to see your list. Show me your list.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Why is it in your email? Look at this cute little list cry.

[Alex Cooper]

And guess who's not on there? Her fucking boyfriend.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Wait, that's way smaller than I thought.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, anyways, you guys look at this list. Damn. No, no, no.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's a definitely a fool football team with people on the bench.

[Alex Cooper]

Do you rate them by the first time you had it or do you rate them by the good to the bad?

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, just in order.

[Alex Cooper]

Just in order. Yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah. Look at this. I banged a whole family of people.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, my God, they hold the same last name.

[Hallie Bachelder]

And one more twins. Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Anyways, yeah, so that was funny. Remy and I were laughing about that cuz I was like, I think that's maybe one of the most freaky freak behaviors.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Did you have any interaction with the Spanish?

[Alex Cooper]

I took a fan photo with him at Montauk when I was at Surf Lodge. I'm in the Hamptons a couple years ago. If any of the daddy gangs listening to this this is when I got kicked out of Rush Meyers and almost got kicked out of Surf Lodge.

[Hallie Bachelder]

What did you do?

[Alex Cooper]

I go to Surf Lodge and there's a guy that comes up to me and, like, he's cute, you know, and.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, he's hot, but he's Short King.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, yeah, Short king. And so he comes up to me. He's like, alex, like, I'm such a big fan. Can I take a selfie with you? What's his last name? I want to show you this. And I was like, yeah, for sure.

[Hallie Bachelder]

He was like, daddy Gang.

[Alex Cooper]

Daddy Gang. And I was like, oh, my God. I love, like, a guy that's Daddy Gang with a penis. So then fast forward. I never think of anything again. And then he told Remy that we had sex. I think that's the most disgusting thing for a man to lie about having sex with a woman. Freak. Sorry, I'm on one this morning.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, no, no, no.

[Alex Cooper]

Look at the photo. Look at the photo.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Oh, my God. The bleach Bond silver tone.

[Alex Cooper]

Halle is obsessed with my eras of blonde hair.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It needs to be studied.

[Alex Cooper]

To be fair, it used to be very silver, but I feel like it got me through a lot. It's probably how you feel about, like, filler.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I just, like, love the needle feeling. Not in my arms. But you do. You do.

[Alex Cooper]

I couldn't get my ears pierced till I was like.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I could see that. I could see you being, like, a little, like, bitch dealer, Swift fan. I want to get my ears pierced, but I need to.

[Alex Cooper]

What else happened last night? Listen to me. You did the classic thing that is the best thing in the world where Halle had the entire fucking club and the fucking bouncers looking for her phone. And I grab on to her, and I literally am holding on, clutching onto her purse as I'm, like, yelling at her, and I'm like, open your fucking purse right now.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Remy did that, too.

[Alex Cooper]

No, no.

[Hallie Bachelder]

And also no. Jordan hid my phone in my purse. She was being nice, but, like, she put it in there. I didn't know. No, Maria, I have dementia.

[Alex Cooper]

No. What? Okay, what else is great? And what else happened last night? Great.

[Advertiser]

Talked about this billionaire date.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, yes.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I kept trying to tell you about this last.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

And you were like, what are you saying? Like, you. Like, you couldn't hear me, but you.

[Alex Cooper]

Heard because you told me that this billionaire somehow knew me.

[Hallie Bachelder]

He said that back in the day that you guys were, like, at a Halloween party and, like, what's his face? Wanted to, like, set you up with this guy that I want to date with last week.

[Alex Cooper]

What was I wearing? Well, no, I feel like everyone knows. Like, what?

[Graydon]

What?

[Alex Cooper]

You remember all your Halloween costumes? Like, was I Snow White? Was it. Wait, I've never been Snow White. No, Wait, no. Was I Little Red Riding Hood?

[Hallie Bachelder]

No. Like, it was Halloween. You were definitely serving Face. But then someone was like, wait, she. She talks about like all the guys she's hooked up with online. And he's telling me this story as I'm on this date with him. And I was like, wow, we would do that? That's so crazy. I was like, I know, but like, it's safer with the older guys because they don't usually have tick tock.

[Alex Cooper]

That's true.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's honestly strategic.

[Alex Cooper]

So he's saying he was too afraid because I was literally like, talk about men. And then here you are ramping it up 10 times more.

[Hallie Bachelder]

He's like, I'm your worst. I'm like, I am your worst nightmare, actually.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait, okay, so tell me about the date.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It went well.

[Alex Cooper]

He looks more wholesome than I thought. When you showed me a picture of him last night.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Do you remember me showing you? Remember that?

[Alex Cooper]

I do. I feel like he looks like he's from Greenwich and he shops at Polo.

[Hallie Bachelder]

He is from Greenwich.

[Alex Cooper]

He is.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

And he was wearing a polo in the picture he was wearing. He has cute little, like spiky, like.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Good hair and he's like an uncle.

[Alex Cooper]

He's an uncle?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh my God. I'm obsessed.

[Hallie Bachelder]

But like, he's too wholesome.

[Alex Cooper]

Where did he take you?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Break him.

[Alex Cooper]

You would break him?

[Hallie Bachelder]

He brought me to this restaurant right next to Zero. It's called Tushi.

[Alex Cooper]

And did you have sex with him?

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, I didn't. I was stained.

[Alex Cooper]

You didn't. Did you guys make out?

[Hallie Bachelder]

We made out in front of the whole restaurant.

[Alex Cooper]

Is there any sexual chemistry? Cuz I feel like when nice guys are too nice, it's a little like, oh, no.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I don't know if he's too nice or too smart. There's something off though. I. I feel like I'm not giving him a fair chance because.

[Alex Cooper]

Why? He's a billionaire. I feel. You can look back.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I think he's low key. Like, was probably a nerd in his 20s and now he's like.

[Alex Cooper]

And now he's cool.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah, that's like an asset.

[Alex Cooper]

But I feel like of all the things you've probably looked past with men, like anything with him you could get past because he's a billionaire. Wait, did you see have you guys seen anything on TikTok about what people are saying about us?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah, I actually have a lot of things that. That you're grooming me. I was like, wait, what? Like she's grooming her.

[Alex Cooper]

I have been grooming her since the day I met her. Okay, what does that even mean? You've literally been doing this without me before you met me.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yes.

[Alex Cooper]

And now I'm just literally like helping you with production.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You're just the groomer.

[Alex Cooper]

I am literally the groomer. Come one, come all. If you want to get groomed by Alex Cooper, hit me up. Wait, no, I was actually more talking about like this. Like there was like a financial conversation. Did you see this? Oh, people were saying, like, there's something. I saw TikTok. It was too much. I was like too hammered. And they were talking about like the Renaissance.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Oh, I did. She was talking about like Jane Eyre or something. Like, wait. I was like, wait, what the fuck are you talking.

[Alex Cooper]

I think that they were like a little like perturbed by the conversation about like your dad having money or something.

[Hallie Bachelder]

They're probably broke. Anyone that comments being like, this girl sucks, blah, blah, blah. Son of flex, you're poor.

[Alex Cooper]

Here's.

[Hallie Bachelder]

And I don't. And I don't feel bad for you.

[Alex Cooper]

Here's the thing, I don't relate to that concept because I at one point was fudgeing broke. And so I can talk about this shit like, I worked fucking hard. Hard. You shut up.

[Hallie Bachelder]

But me, well, no, I don't. True.

[Alex Cooper]

Moving on. What else should we talk about? You think people think I'm grooming you?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Wait, there was one video that she's like, she's trying to ploy her out of like all this information. I'm like, no, that's just how we talk.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait, she's trying to pull all this information out. What does that mean?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Like, about, like sex stories and what I saw this whole like in depth video analyzing my every word.

[Alex Cooper]

Bitch. I literally wish we had a fucking camera on us when we were in my fucking house drinking whiskey. Because we literally are speaking the exact same way. If not.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, you don't remember when you gave me 17 house tour?

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[Hallie Bachelder]

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[Alex Cooper]

No, I. Matt and I put Halle to bed one night. We get to my house. Halle is literally so drunk. I'm pretty. So crossed.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I was so. I don't smoke Alec.

[Alex Cooper]

We get home and Halle's like, one more nightcap. One more nightcap. And I'm like, okay, fine. And Matt's like so excited. He's like, yes, one more nightcap. Whiskey. So I start pouring her whiskey and I make us ramen noodles. Halle was hesitant, but she took the noodles.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I don't like food, but I ate the ramen.

[Alex Cooper]

So then we ate and we brought you upstairs to the guest bedroom. Halle was like, I don't want to go to bed yet. You were literally stomping your foot. You said, I want a house.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I was like begging Lauren to stay up with me. I wanted to have a summer party.

[Alex Cooper]

Lauren immediately go. So we go upstairs and Halle is like, show me your closet. She's walking around in my closet. She's going into me and Matt's bed. We finally get her to into our room. We have a threesome. No.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Then they peg me.

[Alex Cooper]

We get her into her room and Halle sits down on the carpet and she's like, good night. And we're like, what are you doing? She's like, I was gonna just sleep on the bathroom floor. There's a perfectly good king size bed waiting for her. So Matt says, sit the fuck down. She sits down on the couch and Matt proceeds to take Halle's feet and starts taking off her shoes. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Because you don't know. I don't know where this is going. And we're like, literally shut up. We don't undress her.

[Hallie Bachelder]

But we're. The grooming started.

[Alex Cooper]

And this is where the grooming started. We tuck her into bed.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yep.

[Alex Cooper]

And she went to bed. She wakes up the next Day, she comes down for coffee and she asks me for a house tour. I'm like, I literally took you through my whole house last night. You kind.

[Hallie Bachelder]

But that morning I woke up, I literally didn't know where I was. I was like, this is. Doesn't look like the hotel.

[Alex Cooper]

Tell the fucking computer story.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Kelly, did you not watch our episode of Color Daddy?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I watched parts about.

[Alex Cooper]

Let's just run this back. Insert clip from Caller Daddy. I'm. Let me guess what you did.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

You went to the desktop. You press the space party.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You know, I couldn't watch the whole episode by myself. I knew.

[Alex Cooper]

Scary.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, it's very scary. And I knew what I was talking about all the time. So.

[Alex Cooper]

Did you. When you. Okay, wait, can we talk about. How are you feeling about having a podcast now? Did you get a good response? This is going to be your second episode. Like, how's the response been going?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I think it's been positive. I think we got some, I think, shock values. What's needed here?

[Alex Cooper]

Did you hear from the terrorist?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Which one?

[Alex Cooper]

The man. The man with the short story. No, I didn't know if he would reach out to you, being like, please don't talk about me.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Well, it's too late.

[Alex Cooper]

I'm so proud of you. I feel like you're doing such a great job. I've groomed you to success, and now I can let you fly. No, wait, are you coming tonight or.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, no, I am coming tonight.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, okay. You don't have to. No, I want you to. No, no, no. I want you to.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I'm gonna be thinking about that all day.

[Alex Cooper]

No, I'm saying, like, I don't want you to feel like you have to. Graydon, are you coming? But you know what I mean, like, I don't want you guys to feel.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Like you have not want us to come.

[Alex Cooper]

I don't want you guys to feel like you're kind of overheating, but I have to keep up.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Like, no, I'm over. It's 70 degrees. I just figured out my heat yesterday.

[Alex Cooper]

I have to take this off.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Okay.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait. Meeting Lauren's boyfriend last night was so fun.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Can I tell you something, though?

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

People online think that it's not just something I did, like, a few times, that it's like a service I provide. It's like, people think, like, Lauren will call me, like, hi, I'm making dinner. Jordan needs his dick sucked. Can you come Uber over? Not. That's not what it was. It's only on holidays.

[Alex Cooper]

We were specifically Memorial Day we were. I feel like it only happens in Nantucket. Where are the locations that's happened?

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's just Nantucket.

[Alex Cooper]

See, I feel like you guys get fucking freaky on Nantucket.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Well, like there's. It's like in the air. I think Nantucket's like where I've been my freakiest self.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, because it's kind of like Narnia. It feels like a fake land. Then you go back to reality and you're like, ooh.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Like, I just like drag men back to the basement of my parents home that has no windows and just like a gas bed and just let it rip. Wait, Graydon hooked up with someone the other day.

[Alex Cooper]

Get in here now. Just a quick one, then get back in bed.

[Graydon]

Breaking news. Graydon sucked and got sucked no in on the cape.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Did you guys 69?

[Graydon]

No, wait. I was in my car and I was driving and he was diddling me, obviously. And I got a new car and it's like, I don't know. I don't know how to work my new car, right? So I take my seatbelt off while he's diddling me, and if you take my. Your seatbelt off in my car, the whole car turns off. Okay, I didn't know this. So mid title, I'm driving, I take my seatbelt off because the seat belt's in the way. My whole car turns off. I lose control of steering and my car just stops in the middle of the road. This kid's hands in my pants, and we're. It was insane. It was like really dangerous. And we just look at each other and I was like, all right. That just like killed the whole entire vibe just a little. So then I had to turn the whole. The car on. I didn't know how to turn the car, and it was a whole thing.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait.

[Graydon]

But. Yeah, keep going. I'm trying to remember.

[Hallie Bachelder]

So who suck who first? Wait, also, who decides?

[Graydon]

Defender. You have a defender? Who decides who starts? I don't know who decides who starts when you. It's probably you.

[Alex Cooper]

Who is better. You think?

[Graydon]

Me, definitely.

[Alex Cooper]

You've been out of commission.

[Graydon]

I know. Muscle memory.

[Alex Cooper]

And I feel like sometimes the first time back, you really give it all you got.

[Graydon]

Oh, yeah. Like your life depends on it. Because it does.

[Alex Cooper]

Were you in the front seat? Did you pull over?

[Graydon]

No, I was driving.

[Alex Cooper]

Well, you're not giving while you're driving.

[Graydon]

Actually, the first time we. The first time we hooked up, I was driving and I was sucking him off with one hand on the steering wheel. This was years ago. And I almost crashed my fucking car into a telephone pole when I was. I used to be really crazy. If you can't tell.

[Advertiser]

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Oh, my God. It's the coolest thing ever. Hey, guys, have you heard of Gold Belly? Well, check this out. It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic famous foods from restaurants across the country, anywhere, nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food. They ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls, and even Ina Garten's famous cakes. Seriously. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your Life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code gift.

[Graydon]

I used to be nuts. I've been to jail. Did you know that? Have I told you that?

[Alex Cooper]

No. Why have you been to jail?

[Graydon]

I was really drunk and I was underage.

[Alex Cooper]

No, wait.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I feel like you were, like, sassy. Like I was crazy. The police, when you were young, the.

[Graydon]

Police chief in my hometown knew me by my first and last name because I would get in so much trouble.

[Alex Cooper]

Where did you get arrested?

[Graydon]

This place called the Xfinity center in Philadelphia. No. En masse.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Was it like at a country concert or something? Because I've almost got arrested there.

[Graydon]

Turks. Bentley. Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Classic.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I got fingered during that concert.

[Graydon]

Oh, my God.

[Hallie Bachelder]

In the mosh.

[Graydon]

Oh, my God. By the. On the grass.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Graydon]

In the back. In the green. By the trees.

[Hallie Bachelder]

By the porta potties. Yes.

[Graydon]

Yeah. That's where everybody used to get fingered. Should we go? Wait, that would be crazy.

[Alex Cooper]

So how did you get arrested? What were you doing? Just drinking.

[Graydon]

Okay, so I had a bunch of Nips stuffed in my shoe. Like shooters. Like nips. And then I gave the cop a fake id and then he ran it, and it, like, obviously was fake, so they threw me this lammer. And then my dad never came to pick me up, so they put me to real jail. Yeah. So annoying. It makes me so mad.

[Alex Cooper]

What was it like in there?

[Graydon]

Scary. So people. Well, they put me in a police fan. They took off all my clothes. I only had, like, my base layers on. They took all my jewelry.

[Alex Cooper]

You didn't spread the cheeks?

[Graydon]

No, I wish. Yeah, it was great. It's bad. You do not want to go to jail. Jail's not fun. Like, I was in the real jail for a hot second.

[Alex Cooper]

Like, how long?

[Graydon]

Like an hour.

[Alex Cooper]

I thought you were saying, like, a couple.

[Graydon]

No, no, no. Because my dad was taking his sweet time.

[Alex Cooper]

How much did it take to bail you out, you think?

[Graydon]

It was like, $25. It was like, yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Did you tell her the ski mask story? Were you?

[Graydon]

Did I?

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, sorry.

[Alex Cooper]

I can't get over the fact that Graydon just said that with one hand he was driving a vehicle, and on the other side, he had one eye up. And do you have the thing where you're. You're cross eyed? Right? So you can kind of look one eye up and one eye down at the dick?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I can do it.

[Graydon]

No, I wasn't looking at the road at all.

[Alex Cooper]

Crayden, pull over.

[Hallie Bachelder]

People die.

[Graydon]

This was when I was in high school. So, like, obviously I'm gonna do that in high school.

[Alex Cooper]

Obviously.

[Graydon]

You just keep one hand on this. Don't do this. You keep one hand on the steering wheel on a straight road. So then you just hold the steering wheel and you go straight.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Well, he was hot, though.

[Graydon]

Yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah, I know.

[Graydon]

He's always the hottest. On Thanksgiving Eve, it's like this weird thing.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah. People get hotter and.

[Graydon]

Thanks, everybody. Wednesday night on Things. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Every time. Sexy. Other than that. Need some work.

[Alex Cooper]

Who came first?

[Graydon]

None.

[Hallie Bachelder]

What?

[Graydon]

I know, because the car. My car turned off. It, like, fucked up the whole vibe.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Your car turned off? You turned?

[Graydon]

Yeah, I turned off and my car turned off and.

[Alex Cooper]

Why haven't you guys had sex?

[Graydon]

I don't really want to.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Green doesn't like sex.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, it's too much.

[Graydon]

I'm picky.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I wish I was more picky.

[Alex Cooper]

Do you have more bodies than her?

[Graydon]

No, I only have, like, eight.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait. 1, 2, 3, 4. Any same names?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I like how they, like, progressively got more famous. We.

[Alex Cooper]

We agreed. And what is the ski mask story?

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, you have to tell Alex the ski mask story. This is so important to society.

[Graydon]

Just, like, paint the picture in my head.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay? Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

[Graydon]

Okay, so once again, I'm on Cape Cock, Cape Cod, the hometown, the homeland. And I got this message from this person on this app called Grindr, which I use very cautiously because, like, I don't want to get killed, right? This person messages me, and it said a couple things in their, like, bio. And I was like, I just feel like I know who this person is, but he wouldn't send me a picture. He wouldn't send me pictures, so I had no idea who he was.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I feel like on Grindr, they just show, like, they're weird. Like.

[Graydon]

Yeah, they show, like, a torso picture.

[Alex Cooper]

Why did you feel like you knew who it was?

[Graydon]

I just had this. I had this feeling.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Well, he wasn't he tall? And, like, you. Like, there was only so many tall people.

[Graydon]

Yeah, like, not as tall as me. Like, tallish. Yeah. Ish.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay.

[Graydon]

And his picture was, like, a picture of, like, a picture frame, like, for his picture. It wasn't his body. And I was like. I feel like I, like, would know that picture for some reason. Anyway, so I meet up with this kid in a parking lot, and I could have been, like, brutally murdered. I'm not gonna lie. It was at, like, 1:00am and, like, this, like, weird part of town I don't go to, obviously. And I'm. I'm waiting there, and I look into the wood. I need to, like. I look in.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Keep going.

[Graydon]

I look into the woods. It's like a foggy night. Like, there's fog. This person emerges out of the woods wearing, like, a matching sweatsuit and a ski mask, approaching my car. And before he even got into my car, I knew who it was. Oh, I just knew. He gets into my car. The only way he would talk is, like, in mumble, so I couldn't recognize his voice. He was like, hey, like. Like speaking in tribal or something. Okay. He takes out his schlong. I'm not even kidding. It almost hit my dashboard. It was huge. And that's where the story ends, because he couldn't get hard. And then it kicked him out.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Did he. Wasn't he going back to his, like, girlfriend, too?

[Graydon]

Oh, wait.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait a second.

[Graydon]

I don't think so.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Wait, I thought you made it.

[Graydon]

I hope not. Well, not my problem.

[Alex Cooper]

Green. In that moment when he pulls out and you see it on the dash, are you, like. Are you.

[Graydon]

It's like it goes out my window on the other Side.

[Alex Cooper]

When Godzilla enters the picture, are you like. And what do you say? You try to like, jack him off? Do you touch him at all?

[Graydon]

I was like, it's gonna be a long night.

[Alex Cooper]

You gave her a little.

[Graydon]

Oh, I was putting my whole. I was putting my whole back into it.

[Hallie Bachelder]

That's the worst when you're off a flaccid penis.

[Graydon]

Just fucking shaking it. I'm like, what's going on?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Shake. Wait.

[Graydon]

No, literally.

[Alex Cooper]

And then how did he leave? Like, he just literally left in silence.

[Graydon]

I kicked him out and then I'm sure he did like a mumble and was like, why?

[Alex Cooper]

Did you ever see this man again?

[Graydon]

No, but he messaged me again last week. He wants more.

[Alex Cooper]

On the same app.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You have to do it.

[Graydon]

I will.

[Alex Cooper]

You have to reply and be like, bring the ski mask, like, for old time sake.

[Graydon]

No, I told him I know who he is.

[Alex Cooper]

What did he say?

[Graydon]

He was like, oh. Or something. But I was like, you're a idiot.

[Alex Cooper]

Right? Like, who cares?

[Graydon]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Why is he wearing a ski mask?

[Graydon]

Because he's straight.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, he is straight.

[Graydon]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

So does he have a girlfriend?

[Hallie Bachelder]

I think you said that like, oh, I have to get back to my girlfriend. Anyways, I don't like, really?

[Graydon]

No. I've never seen a person like, I don't really know his life.

[Advertiser]

I'm Livy Dunn, all American gymnast and Viori athlete. When you travel and train as much as I do, you find happiness where you are on the mat or on the sand. Movement and comfort are essential. That's why I live in performance. Joggers by Viori. Made from Dreamnet fabric that's made of 89% recycled materials, effortlessly soft and made to move as much as I do. My happiness starts here in the softest joggers on the planet. Get 20% off your first purchase at vuori.com libby that's v u o r I.com Livy exclusions apply. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over 70% and free returns. Go to viori.com livy and discover the full versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.

Oh my God. It's the coolest thing ever. Hey guys, have you heard of gold belly? Well, check this out. It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic famous foods from restaurants across the country anywhere nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food. They ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls and even Ina Garten's famous cakes. Seriously. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your Life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code gift.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's funny because, like, Raiden will go on Grindr on Nantucket and will, like, walk into crew and you'll be like, it's like a bunch of, like, married couples in their families. And he'll be like, he's on Grinder. He's on Grindr.

[Graydon]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's fucking insane.

[Graydon]

None of them are hot.

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's just Sad. Like it's 20, 24. Just come out.

[Alex Cooper]

I wish they could be like themselves.

[Graydon]

Yeah. I mean, I don't really care, but it's not my problem, you know? But none of them that are like, that hot.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, great. And I'm really sorry that that happened to you. Do you feel used so hard?

[Graydon]

Do I feel used? No. I'm big strong boy.

[Alex Cooper]

Are you hungover?

[Graydon]

Yeah, but I'm kind of drunk now from this Bloody Mary.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Wait, I feel great now.

[Alex Cooper]

I feel so good.

[Graydon]

Should we go out?

[Alex Cooper]

It's literally 11 in the morning.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait, wait. So you're coming tonight? What are you gonna wear?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Wait, what is the plan tonight, you guys?

[Alex Cooper]

I have no idea. The plan was we're gonna have a cocktail hour. I just thought it would be, like, nice to keep it going. Like, I want to keep celebrating you. Did you like my speech last night? No.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I love you so much. You don't understand.

[Alex Cooper]

I wanted to have, like, a little, like, cocktail hour with us to just like, keep drinking.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Is it just us tonight?

[Alex Cooper]

The three of us?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Now imagine I rented out a whole. Not stay home, stay home.

[Alex Cooper]

No, it's. I think it's gonna just be, like, everyone, like, kind of similar to last night. Ish.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, it's at a good restaurant too.

[Alex Cooper]

It is?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Where is it?

[Hallie Bachelder]

You don't know where it is?

[Alex Cooper]

I have literally no idea where we're going.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Going to St. Theo's have you been there before?

[Alex Cooper]

Never been there in my life.

[Hallie Bachelder]

That's great. Italian.

[Alex Cooper]

I think we just gotta, like, start drinking early.

[Hallie Bachelder]

We. I love when you're like this.

[Alex Cooper]

Maybe we'll go out again. Where do you guys go when we go out?

[Graydon]

I've only been to. I've only been out here to Little Sister twice. That's it.

[Alex Cooper]

You guy on my list.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Definitely been a little sister.

[Alex Cooper]

You know, the one and only time I was at Little Sister is when. See this hockey Player that I had, like, on and off talked to in college. So I'm there and I see him and I knew he had a girlfriend, but I see him and, like, we kind of knew each other from college. So I still went up to him. I'm not trying to fuck him, but then the rest of the night he was trying to fuck. And I always thought he was so hot. And I only had sucked his dick. It was the first, like, curved penis that I, like, did the gluck luck on. And I, like, really learned a lot from it. It literally was so huge. And then at the top more. But, like, kind of the whole to the side.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Down. Down would be crazy. Depends what way you're looking at it.

[Alex Cooper]

No, it kind of is like that straw. Like that.

[Graydon]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

What is that? That's to the side or is that up? That's down. That's down.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Well, it depends what way you're looking at it.

[Alex Cooper]

Listen, I was scared to have sex with it because I don't know how that would work.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You would squirt.

[Alex Cooper]

You would.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

I feel like that hit the side of my wall. It's not my G spot. Anyways, so I'm at little sister. We're talking. We're talking. It slowly gets more progressively flirty. And then we go to Avenue after two people.

[Hallie Bachelder]

So Avenue is closed. I've had sex in Avenue bathroom.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, my God. Avenue is so good. It' these tight walls, and everyone's just getting fucked. And so we're sitting up on the. We're sitting up. It's the end of the night, and I literally look him in the eyes and I say, I have no interest in doing this if you actually are still with that girl. Like, please. And the whole night he's been convincing me I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. She's so obsessed with me. I don't have a girlfriend. So obviously I. I bleed everywhere. You guys. I. I'm not kidding you. Yeah, the dick.

[Graydon]

The punctured you. It punctured an artery.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You guys.

[Alex Cooper]

I didn't realize how bad the blood was until in the morning. His agent walked in and was like, you have like a body armor shoot or something. And he walks, he goes, oh, we're both laying there naked. There's blood all over the sheets. There's blood on the wall.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I feel like men don't care about that.

[Alex Cooper]

It was so dark and there was blood everywhere. And then, you guys, less than a month later, he was down on when Ian proposed, and now they're married.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Oh, my God.

[Graydon]

That she's still bleeding.

[Alex Cooper]

I've never been the sense. Anyways, yeah. So now he's married and. I don't know. I don't know about that. Cheers to her. I hope he's not cheating. Hello, scummy.

[Graydon]

Here's the curved deck.

[Alex Cooper]

Have you had a lot of curved dick?

[Graydon]

Not to the side.

[Alex Cooper]

We upgraded.

[Hallie Bachelder]

That makes no sense.

[Alex Cooper]

What does it look like?

[Graydon]

Usually when you say a dick curve, you're like, it goes like this.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, hold it.

[Alex Cooper]

Like, it's sticking out of you right now.

[Graydon]

Like, either this way or this way. Not.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I know.

[Graydon]

That way.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, I feel like it has a hook to the left or right.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like just a little hook. It just starts going up, and then it just curves. Curves. Curves. More that way.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Like, kind of like my eyes.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, wait. So where are we going tonight?

[Hallie Bachelder]

We should go to Submerser.

[Graydon]

I don't know anything about New York.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I love Submers.

[Alex Cooper]

What's Submerser?

[Hallie Bachelder]

It's. You know, where Mercer Kitchen. Mercer Kitchen used to be. It's Sartiano's now, and they bought out the bar underneath, and it's like a club. Good Daddy's.

[Alex Cooper]

Regardless, we're gonna go. What are you gonna wear?

[Hallie Bachelder]

Petite disco.

[Alex Cooper]

Petite.

[Hallie Bachelder]

You've definitely heard of petite disco?

[Alex Cooper]

No. Okay, so we'll go out tonight.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I'm holding you to that.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, I'm ready.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I don't want to get too drunk tonight. I always say that. I feel like every time you see me, I'm so up around you, and you're like, oh, Halle's Holly.

[Alex Cooper]

I have the best times with you.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Okay, fine. I'll get up today. All right, fine, fine, fine. Okay. I feel good about this.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, you guys, I think we just crushed this.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, I think this is amazing.

[Alex Cooper]

Are you feel great in.

[Graydon]

I needed to get that off my chest. So I feel great.

[Alex Cooper]

The jail part or.

[Graydon]

No, I don't care about the jail part. The dick in my mouth.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, bye, guys. Wait, this is your show. Say something.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I hate the end. I hate the end every time.

[Alex Cooper]

Guys, this place has great energy. Tune back in every week.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Yes.

[Alex Cooper]

For this. Tune in for the tits. Tune in for great and sucking stories. I may be back every time I'm in New York. I need to come on this couch.

[Hallie Bachelder]

No, I really think you do.

[Alex Cooper]

It brings me back from the VP to here. Let's go. Perfect.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Love you all.

[Alex Cooper]

Love you all. Bye.

[Hallie Bachelder]

I took notes on this night because I literally had to, like, have other people piece it together. For me, it was quite the fucking night. I mean, guys, I am wrapping up the weekend. Obviously. I'm missing three nails. I just hopped out of the sauna. I could smell the tequila in merlot, exiting the chat. But, like, honestly, the missing nails, that's a fucking telltale sign of a good night. Also, I feel like I'm, like, three pounds lighter in hair extensions. Those I left on Nantucket. We'll get into that. Anyways, where did the night begin? We went out with a good group of people. Guys, I swear, we went to every fucking location in New York City. We went out with Alex and Matt. We started with a bigger group, a solid group, a great group at this restaurant, St. Theo's and we had some hors d'oeuvres. We got the drinks flowing. I again promised myself that I was gonna go into the night, you know, not drink that much, not embarrass myself in front of father. But alas, the eyes were crossing quickly as the night began. So we started there, and then we decided it'd be a good idea to go to Zero Bond. I love Zero Bond. I honestly don't know if Alex has been there, but I want to show her Zero Bond. So we went in the back, we had more dirty martinis. But by the time we were sitting down at Zero Bond, I could feel it. I was getting fuzzy. My eyes were definitely crossed. I had one eye looking directly in front of me, and the other eye was already looking at the next location of the night. Like, I woke up, went into my camera roll. I had a video of me, Alex and Liv. We were all in the bathroom. Liv had scissors. For some reason, one of us thought it was going to be a good idea to cut half of Alex's skirt off to make it, like, more micro. Honestly, it looked amazing. But I don't know who thought. Who trusted us with scissors? I don't know. But anyways, we started the night there. We dropped a couple flies. Probably, like, the people that actually had some logic that didn't want to continue the night. Because by that time, we. The drinks were fucking flowing. We were cozy. Then we texted our mutual. We have a mutual friend. New York. We texted him and his friends. They had a table at this place called the Mulberry. I mean, I call them the daddies. So, like, he had friends that were like the daddies. And we, like, went and met up with them. The one daddy that I had actually had gone on a date with recently. But, like, this man is perfect to the T. This man, he is successful, he is sexy, he is suckable. He's all the most important things you could think of. But just I think I am the problem here. And I don't want to, like, kinder his soul. I feel like I would cause a ruckus in this poor, sweet man's life. I mean, he's so sweet. So I go, lauren, this guy would be perfect for you. Like, go for the billionaire daddy. And she was like, wait, what? Like, why are you just giving the man. You just want to date with him? I know. There's more where that came from. There's more where that came from. So anyways, we did that and honestly, I don't really remember.

[Alex Cooper]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Hallie Bachelder]

Hold on. Let me check my notes. This is. This is sad that I have to check my notes up. Did we really do that? So I remember being at this bar, and this is a fun bar, but it's a small bar. And there's also no windows. Like, there's no exit plan. If that place were to light on fire, you know, like, I'm not climbing out of the dungeon. That's kind of how, like, I felt going into it. It's like very underneath. It's like subterranean. And it gets really fucking hot in there. And also, we didn't have that much room to sit. I also, like, didn't know if I was fucking with the music. And like, that can dictate my mood. I can go from a good mood to a bad mood really quickly. I remember, like, not jiving with, like, it was like playing Funky Town or some shit like that. I don't know. That wasn't my jam. So we went to the next spot and. But we could have called it a night after the third spot. Or was it the fourth spot? No. Yeah, we went to Due west, which I love, you know, I love a good due s on days. If you want to find hot rich men, go to Due west on a Sunday afternoon. Not me. Like, I should gatekeep places like that. But I'm a real one. Like, go to fucking Due West. Then we went there, and by that point, I think, like, my tapings were out and flapping in the wind. My hair was undone. We only have video footage. I don't have memory at that point in the night. But it was fucking fun. Like, we had a good time. Like, we were drinking, we are laughing. We were being silly. We were letting loose. I don't even remember what men we were with at that point. But you know what the most sickening part of this whole Situation is I had called a black lane, which is basically like a fancier Uber. It's like a car service to pick up me and Graydon. We decided like in our drunken endeavors that would be a good idea to leave at 6am and go from here to Nantucket. I made it a point to have the car pick us up at 6am on the dot so we can make this 12pm Ferry. We get there, our driver was like, I don't know the area. Like, I don't want to drive too fast. This guy was moving like fucking molasses. Which I respect because safety first. But we missed the boat by four minutes. I was literally waving to my friends that were on it. We were like, no. So what did we do? We went to the little diner right next to it and we got like three bloody Marys and a lobster roll, which honestly made us feel a bit better. But the fact that we woke up so early just to miss the fucking boat sparked a flame in my soul that I really don't even want to get into right now. But it was annoying, but whatever. And then I got to the island. We kind of got there, took a nap and then woke up and I was like, we were in fucking Nantucket right now. And what did I miss? What was the only piece of thing I left back in my apartment? My whole wallet, my purse. So not only did I have that long ass travel day going there, I had no ID to get into any single bar, Nothing. Although I do have pull there, so I was completely fine. But I couldn't fly home, so I had to take a train. Like all like a ferry. There is no easy way of getting to Nantucket quickly, especially on a weekend like Christmas stroll. But you know what? It was fun and we lived. Tell us. It was good. It was good night. It was good in multiple nights. It was a fun weekend. You know what I'm trying to say? I don't even have enough time to sit and talk about that in this episode. I'll get to that in a different episode because the debauchery, like, I feel like this nail that I am missing right here is probably lodge and some sailor's ass. But you know what? I live to tell the story. Barely. Like, my neck hurts and I need to call my mom. But anyways, what a fucking time. We crashed it New York City. So I'm like, I'm like giving a speech right now. Anyways, I love you guys. That's all for today's episode and so many kisses and Bissell. Love you all.

[Advertiser]

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