← Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Hallie Batchelder is Extra Dirty
00:45:52
Welcome to the show you freaks! It's episode 1 of EXTRA DIRTY and you're exactly where you need to be. Hallie kicks off this weekly spill sesh strong: how being a chubby kid made her funny, becoming a muse for a Canadian's wild fantasy, the (very honest) scoop on her cosmetic work, why she got her real estate license, and the secrets of her parents' rock-star romance. Of course, she could not do it alone: so listen in to hear what special guests stop by. Hint: one of them just rolled out of her bed from the night before... So whether you're here to laugh, gasp, or join the sh*t talking, pour up a drink and dive into the debauchery. Muah muah! Follow @extradirty on socials, leave a review, a 5-star rating, and follow the show wherever you get your podcasts. See you next Thursday. Love you cookies!
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- [00:00]
Halle
Hey, guys, have you heard of Gold Belly? It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic famous foods from restaurants across the country, anywhere, nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food. They ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls, and even Ina Garten's famous cakes. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your Life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code gift.
- [00:44]
Graydon
Hi, my little freaks. We're having little. Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Halle from the streets of New York. I had every intention of staying in last night. Welcome to my podcast. Welcome to Extra Dirty. I am so excited to be here with you guys. I know it's taken a minute, I know it's taken a long minute, but, guys, perfection takes time. I was gonna come out with something that's, like, shitty and, like, I would have to redo and, like, it was kind of ass, like, whatever. I wanted this to be perfect for you guys. Like, I was just being a woman of the people at this point. Okay, this podcast is going to be so graphic, so horrendous, so dirty, so slutty. You're going to look at me so differently. Please keep your AirPods on when you're listening to this podcast. I will say do not listen to it at church. Do not listen to it at a classroom. Do not listen to it in front of your parents unless your dad is single. Please, for the love of God, strap in. We're going to have a fucking fun time. I'm so happy to be here. It's going to be epic. I, like, might get canceled, okay? But if I do get canceled, guys, I want to be canceled for, like, a really hot, controversial, like, athlete or maybe some, like, hedge fund guy that's gotten arrested. I don't know, like, something interesting, but, like, not too deep. We'll get into that later. But anyways, welcome to Extra Dirty. This podcast will not only be Extra Dirty, but probably most of the time, I'll be still, like, living on the fumes of my night before as I have consumed, like, 100 extra dirty martinis. Like, they'll still be in my system as I sit here and talk to you guys. If you guys don't know me, you know, I kind of, like, fell into social media. I started posting on TikTok like, a year, a year and a half ago. And honestly, I was just making that Platform more of, like, my private story. Honestly, I was like, no one's, like, being honest on this fucking platform. Like, no one's, like, telling the truth or, like, showing any flaw at all. Everything's just like, a perfect little, like, clean girl aesthetic image of what their life is. And that is just not what life's about. Life is fucking rough. Anyways, all that shit was very short formatted content, and I was like, I feel like I could yap for hours about, like, what's going on in my mind. So here we are. Another fake blonde with a podcast. I apologize, but, like, here we are. Like, I'm not that mad. I feel like on TikTok, I'm so, like, ambiguous, like, what's going on with my, like, love life. I'm very good about, like, you know, dropping little hints there and here. Like, I definitely sleep around and I make that known. But I'm never, like, name dropping. I'm not like, a fucking weird freak. So the thing is, like, with what I do and, like, me just talking and doing, like, debriefs online, like, I have a lot of men being like, I want to stay as far away from this bitch as humanly possible because at fear I might talk about them online. I will. But, like, I'm only going to talk about you if you give me something, like, to talk about. Usually, like, these men, they piss me off and they think they can do whatever. Hi, sorry. I'm here to talk about it. Why not? So what is going on in my love life right now? My most recent conquest. I call them conquests because what else are they? I made the mistake of hooking up with this man. He was in the entertainment industry, which, by the way, stay is humanly far. Oh, wait, am I in the. Wait, I'm considered. This is the entertainment industry, right? He was in the entertainment industry. And, like, red flag number one, I feel like those men are just super narcissistic. Their egos are bigger than my fake tits. Like, it's just a lot of narcissism. Let's call him Old Spice. I'm going to give a code name for the man. Let me wet my whistle before I tell this fudgeing story. Asmr. Also, guys, look at my coaster. It says, all right, let's talk about it. Okay, so I met this guy. We got introduced in the middle of the summer, whatever. And he was hot. Like, he was sexy. And honestly, I don't regret a thing because of how sexy he was. And I'm the type of girl that I See a Hawkeye and say, we connect. I will sleep with that man that night. And I don't feel bad about that. I feel like that's pretty normal, but just no one says that, like, that's okay. And I don't see why that's frowned upon. I feel. I feel like that's good work ethic. Like, you see your pride. Go get it. Go get it. So anyways, we met. He wouldn't sleep with me upon first meet, which is probably a green flag for him. I'll give him that. Probably a red flag for me that I was super pissed off about it. So I never thought I'd see this man again. Anyways, I get a phone call, like two days after I meet. I never thought I would talk to this man again. And I missed two phone calls, like, from this man. I was like, okay, he must got like in a car accident. I don't know what happened. So I go, is everything okay? Like, I was in the middle of moving, whatever. And he was like, no, I just want to hear your beautiful voice. I'm like, this voice, this vocal fry. You gotta be fucking kidding me. From then on, we started talking. He would call me for like two hours every night. And I don't talk on the phone. I'm also like a horrible fucking texter. Like, text me if you're making plans or if someone died or if a baby was made. But other than that, like, please do not bother me. So anyways, we would talk on the phone because this man was fucking hot. So we would talk on the phone for two hours a night, and he would tell me all these stories. He'd be like, what's your hobbies, baby? Yeah, yeah, ye. And I was like, hobbies? I don't have fucking hobbies. I go out, I drink a little, and then I do what I need to do to make money. And then I watch reality TV and rock and peace. But anyways, he called me up and he goes, I wrote this beautiful short story about you, and you were my muse. And I'm like, what the flying fuck are you talking about? But anyways, obviously I want to hear the story, guys. The story was the most insane thing I've ever fudgeing heard of. Honestly, I hope it goes into. Because what. So this is the story you told me. Goes. So like, this couple, they meet on a farm. This guy works at a gun range. He teaches people. I'm just giving you guys the bullet points. He teaches people how to shoot guns, essentially, whatever. They get set up, they go on A date. And she's like, what do you do? He's like, I shoot guns. She's like this prim and proper bitch and she's like, oh. Like, I hate guns. Like, I'm so scared of guns. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They fall in love, whatever. He goes to work and she starts like, stealing the guns out of his cabinet and starts like, fucking herself with the gun. And I was like, I don't understand how we got. How am I the muse? I was like, how? How am I the muse to this fucking story? I do not understand. But anyways, this girl is stealing this man's guns, taking them out of the cabinet and using them as a big fucking massive rifle dildo. I was like, okay, continue. They'll end of the story is he walks back into his apartment or his ranch, I don't know. They're on a fucking ranch. And she's fucking herself with the fucking massive rifle. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh, my God. Caught off guard and accidentally pulls the trigger and blows her head off through her body, out of her head. I was like, oh, he likes me. Oh, my God. I was like, what the actual fuck? It was the weirdest thing ever. But honestly, me being the person I'm demented to in the head, I was like, this might be a match made in heaven. Anyways, he invites me. Let's call it Canada. He invites me to Canada. Okay. Beautiful old Canada. I go, okay, let me just grab my fur, let's go. And I stay out there for like a week or so. And we eventually, like the first night, we didn't hook up, but he brought me to this weird ass 3 hour cinematic movie masterpiece and then just drops me off my hotel. And I was like, I did not fly and take a kayak and a train and a bus and roller skates to get here for you to not fuck me. So now I was pissed and I was like, what is this? Like, I feel like I was getting punked. I was waiting for production to pop out with the little cameras and be like, what the flying fuck? But no, the next day he was like, I have to build rapport with someone before I engaged in sexual activity. And I was like, okay, like, we get it. Like, take your pants off. I don't. It was getting frustrating just because I was like, I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way for the hotel, but I didn't spend all this money to fly all this way for us to not be doing cartwheels in your bedroom. So anyways, the second night and all the nights from there on, we ended up hooking up and it was fucking crazy. Like, he had studio grade bondage equipment in his drawers that looked like they had tags on him. Like, I don't know if he went to Home Depot and purchased all this for me. Like, oh, my God, I was so flattered, but holy hell, this man had put me in a hog tie. Do you know what a hog tie is? Production. Yeah. You know what it is? Like, it's like, hold on. So he had me like this picture, like, oh, so it's like this. And it was like that. Okay.
- [09:58]
Maria
Variety raves Maria is absolute perfection. And Entertainment Weekly hails Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie. Brings tragedy and triumph to the last days of opera singer Maria Callis.
- [10:10]
Angelina
Finally, I am in control.
- [10:12]
Maria
And critics agree it's a towering tour de force performance from Angelina Jolie and a career best.
- [10:18]
Angelina
My life is opera. There is no reason in Opera Maria.
- [10:23]
Maria
Directed by Pablo Larray for your consideration now playing its lech theaters and on Netflix December 11th.
- [10:30]
Amazon
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- [10:55]
Graydon
No way.
- [10:56]
Amazon
Download the Amazon Music app now to start listening terms apply.
- [11:01]
Graydon
So we had me at a hog tie like this, and I couldn't move. And then he had this extension bar. Like, you know how you put like shades up or whatever? It's like a pole they put in between your legs. I don't know what this angle looks like, by the way. So you put this pull between your legs and if you move your legs a little more out, you can't go back in. So I dislocated my hip. I literally think I tore my acl. But it was the craziest. I honestly, I would do it again. Honestly, Mr. Old Spice, you can call me anytime. You'll always have a seat at my table. But anyways, that ended tragically for a plethora of reasons. For me, long distance, there's just like, I feel like a physical aspect of a relationship is so important. Yes, the emotional connections, also fine. But also, I just don't think I have enough emotional maturity. I'm very self aware, but like, I'm very toxic. And I guess, like, I have very low emotional iq. So I just think long distance for me wouldn't work because I would be plotting how to pick fights with someone that's in a different time zone, like all day long just for like my own entertainment. I don't think it was the right fit. Not because he was the wrong person. I think I just have like a lot of growing to do, which you'll probably see on this podcast. Like, I'm probably going to come off as a mess most of the time. I'm not going to tell you, like, this is how you should be doing things. Honestly, if anything, this is how you should not be doing things. Maybe, but it's entertaining and it's the truth. Enough of that nonsense, guys. Let's go back into the nitty gritty. I want to get into my childhood, the origin story. People need to understand the lore, the true lore. How did I become this product? And honestly, a lot of it goes back to childhood. A lot of people don't know this. As a child, I was super fucking chubby. Like it was really cute. But like, not during the time period where sugar lips were really popular. I was the youngest my grade, the last to hit puberty, like all of that stuff. So I remember like all my friends were like so petite and skinny and blah, blah, blah. And I was this like chunky monster, like little chunkster with a boy haircut. Because, you know, my mom has a really short, cute little pixie haircut and we thought that would look really cute on me. It doesn't look really cute on a nine year old. That's a little obese. Also, like, maybe don't get that right before you attend an all girls Catholic school. I remember my first day, fifth grade. I walked into the school and Mr. Fucking Helm. Yeah, shout out Mr. Helm. I'll always remember this. He goes, oh, where's your sister? Fuck you, Mr. Helm. Like that stayed with me forever. I was super chubby. So honestly, I felt like the way I was able to make friends was through like being funny. I feel like my sense of humor had to carry because my looks weren't like people weren't my friend because I was like this hot, cute little like thing. Wait, is that weird to say about a 9 year old? I don't like, I was like not a popular girl. I wasn't popular because I was like, pretty. I was popular because I was funny and I was kind and I was able to make friends with everyone. But I remembered in eighth grade was when I first got really skinny. We had a little bit of an Eating issue there. I got really thin and it was the first time boys recognized me. It was the first time I made friends with, like, the cool girls in my grade. So from that point on, I attributed, like, being super thin to having value as a person. Someone that you could be friends with, which started this whole other fucking series of drama. We'll get into that on another date. But yeah. Anyways, High school, I had one boyfriend. He was at the Brother. I went to an all girls Catholic school. Like, how fucking ironic that is. I'm sitting on a podcast called Extra Dirty and I went to an all girls Catholic school for eight years. Psa. To all the parents watching, don't send your child to an all girls Catholic school. It's like caging a wild animal and then releasing them into college. Like, I turned ho because of that. The thing that is interesting about, like, the all girls Catholic school lore is, like, I went to that school for eight years. I'm not even Catholic. I don't even. I'm Protestant. I'm a CEO. I'm a Christmas, Easter only type of bitch. Okay? Like, that church, like, a church hates to see me coming. Like, trust me on that. Like, I've literally had sex in a church parking lot. Like, I am not like your typical Catholic school girl. Maybe like the kind of Catholic school girl you see in pornos, but, like, I'm not your typical, like, prim and proper, like, Blair Waldorf type of bitch. Like, that's just not who I am. But it was a great school. It was a private school. I wasn't a great student. I was like, probably a B average student. Just because I didn't give a fuck. I didn't put, like, my whole pussy into, like, academics, which is fine. Whatever happened in the Great War of 19. Like, I'm not using that right now. As I sit on this couch, I just feel like there was no need for me to really dive into academics. I mean, it works for some people, but it just. It wasn't my thing. Okay. Anyways, my parents weren't very strict. I mean, I think some of you have seen my dad online. Like, I post him a lot on my TikTok. He is me personified. Like, I. The apple does not fall far from that tree. He's fucking funny. He's so unserious. And he's like, like a little cringy, but, like, in a fudgeing funny way, which I think I am too, to be honest. And then my mom is like, the complete opposite. They're in, like, in a Rock star relationship. You have to have a rock and you have to have a star and you both need each other for the whole machine to be well oiled. I feel like that's super important for a relationship. Like, I don't want to date someone that has a bigger ego than me. Like, we would kill each other. I think we'd act like it would be on, like, the Daily Mail. Like, we would kill each other. But yeah, they weren't strict at all. My mom was more of, like, the emotional support. My dad is more of, like, the financial support. He still is. Shout out, dad, for this beautiful apartment. I love you so dearly. Thank you, Dad. I love you. You're my favorite. When I think about it, actually, have I dated more rocks or more stars? The men I've dated are fudgeing, no offense, duds. And then they would, like, cheat on me. I remember my first boyfriend, he cheated on me while I was in rehab for an eating disorder. So it's only I could break out the cage and go, like, confront him about it. I was dealing. I wasn't. Like, I was a knitting class. I don't. Like, I couldn't deal with his bullshit. He was cheating on me with my, like, best friend's twin. And I was knitting and coloring inside the circles and like my little kumbaya group trying to heal myself. And he was out there, like, playing me. I was like, after that, didn't trust any men. Even if they're a rock or they're a star. Men just suck in general. I don't know. I'm still figuring out it's a whole thing. Going back to my parents. They are amazing. They're like my best friends. I feel like as I've gotten older, I've appreciated spending so much time with them. Like, I, like, look forward to hanging out with them. They're way cooler than I'll ever be, but they're great people. But no, they were not strict. Honestly, I think they just sent me to the all girls private Catholic school so they could get me into a good college. And my dad's rich, so, like, I feel like he could afford the private school. I don't. I don't know, guys. Yeah, you're gonna have to ask him when he's on the podcast. He always used to say, 42, five down the drain, which was my tuition, like, per year. 42, five down the drain. I would say, like, selling dumb or, like, uneducated or just like, I can't believe this is the product I've made. He'd be like 42, five down the drain. Like, I've created a monster. It's his fault. We go to Bergdorf together. Like, he brings me there. Like, it's not like I'm going alone. He comes with me and he approves of every purchase. Not only does he approve of every purchase, he picks things out. So speaking of my dad, he does commercial real estate development. He absolutely crushes it. He, like, really wanted me to be in it just because our personality types are so similar. At one point in time, when I had first moved to New York City, I had literally no idea what I wanted to do. This is before social media. I had no job, and I was luckily able to get away with that for some time. I would host this here and there in the summer on Nantucket. But for the most part, I was not doing anything during the year. So my parents were like, you need to get a job. Like, you. Like, this is like you're 24 years old. Like, I don't know what the you're doing with yourself. And also, at the same time, I really wanted a new rack. Like, I really wanted new tits. So I told my mom. I was like, mom, like, I think I need new tits. They kind of look like a rock and a sock. Like, my weight really fluctuated and like, like, picture a rock in a sock. It's kind of like, you know, it's like, not cute. So I was like, all right, I need a new chest. And my mom's like, we'll pay for it if you get your real estate license. So I was like, kid in a candy shop. I was like, pen to paper. I was like, I got my real estate license within two weeks. I think it was honestly a world record. I got that so quickly. At the same time, I was seeing this billionaire and he was, oh, my God, this is. He's going to be a whole chapter of this podcast. But I'll go a little into that because he kind of goes into this story. He called me from London one morning. He was like, fucked up. 7am there, and I was like, so head over heels over this man. He was like 15 years older than me. Like, hedge fund daddy. Saw he was. Checked all the boxes. Besides the fact he was like a Peter Pan man, like, this man is never going to grow up, never wants to grow up, has a lot of money, can get any fudgeing bitch he wants. Is also like, semi attractive. I miss him. He was fun. All right, I'm getting distracted. So anyways, at the same time, he also thought I needed new tits. Honestly, I think he planted the seed, which is kind of fucked up. But, like, he was like, I'll pay for them. He was like, holly, like, all Venmo. So him and his best rich daddy friend Both Venmo me four grand for my tits. It was like 12 grand. But they both Venom me four grand. They think they own each tit. They named them like Francesca and Consuela. I don't know. Like, they think they own my chest. But little do they know, I pocketed that money. It was just like play New York money at that time. I pocketed that money, got my real estate license, and then my parents paid for it. So I ended up getting the fake tits. And I've never sold a house in my life, but I love a crown molding and I can appreciate good interior. A one bed, a one bath. And I know what areas of New York are the best in the city. I know where the daddies are. I know where the rent is the highest. And that's where I typically hang out because I know they can afford nice things. You know, the thing about real estate, it's like location, location, location. Just like you guys right now, sitting at your little laptop or your phone or whatever. You're in the right place right now watching the right podcast. Like, look at us. We're just growing together.
- [22:02]
Maria
Variety, raves. Maria is absolute perfection. And Entertainment Weekly hails Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie. Brings tragedy and triumph to the last days of opera singer Maria Callis.
- [22:13]
Angelina
Finally, I am in control.
- [22:15]
Maria
And critics agree it's a towering tour de force performance from Angelina Jolie and a career best.
- [22:21]
Angelina
My life is opera. There is no reason in opera Maria.
- [22:26]
Maria
Directed by Pablo Laray for your consideration, now playing its lech theaters and on Netflix December 11th.
- [22:33]
Halle
Hey, guys, have you heard of Goldbelly? It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic famous foods from restaurants across the country, anywhere, nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food. They ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls, and even Ina Garten's famous cake. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your Life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code gift.
- [23:05]
Graydon
Okay, now that I've told you guys that different men own each of my tits, I have a little secret to share with you guys. There's actually currently, right now, as we speak, a man in my bed. I didn't want to, like, tell you that, but, like, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. But I feel like we went so hard last night. I feel like he could use a little bit of the hair of the dog right now. So let's get him up. I feel like Cookie. Come here, lover.
- [23:30]
Lauren
Surprise.
- [23:32]
Cookie
I don't know what I feel worse from the fucking dominoes or the vodka.
- [23:37]
Graydon
Here, get your fucking mic. Okay. Hi, guys. This is great in Cookie Cutler. Okay, guys. I feel like most of you know who Graydon is, but if you don't, he's, like, my best, most funniest friend. We sleep together all the time. He's so good in bed.
- [23:55]
Cookie
This is true. We do sleep together a lot.
- [23:57]
Graydon
No. Yeah. And you turn on your sound machine. It's always, like, super magical. We get cozy. No, I actually do, but I do have my AirPods in watching real Housewives.
- [24:06]
Cookie
Oh, okay. Well, this morning I woke up. Halle woke me up and she said I took.
- [24:11]
Graydon
It was 11. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but it was 11:45.
- [24:16]
Cookie
Okay. But that's my morning. Halle told me that I was taking up the whole entire bed, but this morning I woke up and her head was on my shoulder.
- [24:23]
Graydon
And he hates physical touch. You don't like when I cuddle or hug you or anything?
- [24:28]
Cookie
I don't like that because you have a vagine. Okay. If you were a man, I wouldn't mind.
- [24:33]
Graydon
I can't make sure you, like, cuddled up with someone. Like, I can't picture you, like, being the big spoon. Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
- [24:38]
Cookie
I just think anatomically, I have to be the big spoon. One time I was cuddling with somebody and I fell asleep and I woke up and they were just gone. And I'll be honest with you, I really haven't cuddled since.
- [24:50]
Graydon
So have you ever a woman, or are you, like, a gold star?
- [24:53]
Cookie
Do you know what a gold star is?
- [24:55]
Graydon
It's like they had a C section, right?
- [24:59]
Cookie
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A gold star is when you have a C section.
- [25:03]
Graydon
It's like you can't. You did not even, like, come out of a vagina. Not only did you not sleep with a woman, you didn't even come out of a woman. You came out of their stomach.
- [25:12]
Cookie
That's actually a good point.
- [25:12]
Graydon
Not me teaching you about being gay again.
- [25:14]
Cookie
Well, that's not, like, actually gold star, but, like, that, like, could be a.
- [25:18]
Graydon
Thing that's platinum star.
- [25:19]
Cookie
Like, never touched a vag. Yeah, I'm a gold star.
- [25:21]
Graydon
Yeah, your mom had a C section.
- [25:24]
Cookie
No H, that's not actually what a gold star is. A gold star is when you're gay and you've never been with a girl.
- [25:29]
Graydon
So you're not a gold star.
- [25:30]
Cookie
Because I'm a gold star.
- [25:32]
Graydon
Okay.
- [25:32]
Cookie
Yeah, I'm a gold star. Loud and proud.
- [25:36]
Graydon
So like, let's get back to like our origin story. I feel like a lot of people don't know, like how we became friends, how we met.
- [25:41]
Cookie
We should tell them the story of how we actually met.
- [25:44]
Graydon
Okay, let's tell it.
- [25:45]
Cookie
You would remember more than me, probably.
- [25:47]
Graydon
Are you really counting on me for memories?
- [25:49]
Cookie
So I walk into this party on Nantucket. Obviously. Shit face. This was like my first time actually going to the Nantucket. The year I believe was like 2021, right after Covid. So this is my first like taste in Nantucket, kind of. And I see this girl and she's like snatched. She's like her skin's pulled back. I'm like, did she get, I'm like, did she get a facelift? Like, what's going on? And I was like, your skin is so amazing. Like what do you do? And you told you like get your botox at this girl in New York. But like you live in Boston. So at the time you were living in Boston and you would go to New York to get your face done.
- [26:24]
Graydon
I remember this flash forward.
- [26:26]
Cookie
I didn't know this bitch lived in was from Boston. I didn't know she had a house in Nantucket. So I thought I was never going to see you again. And then we were in Boston on a cold, rainy ass night.
- [26:37]
Graydon
Set the mood, set the tone.
- [26:39]
Cookie
We're on this yacht. That's where Hal and I really rekindled. And I was like, oh my God, you like are from Boston. Like you're here. Oh my God, let's hang out. So that's how we started hanging out. And then I look over and there is this man. And he was like a tech CEO, founder, I think he is.
- [26:56]
Graydon
I worked, I worked for him for a little bit. Like when I was like, didn't have a job, trying to figure out what I was doing. He was like a crypto baddie. Like he like promised me all these things. He used to put me up at the Nomo Soho and like work on his like computer for like this new app he was creating.
- [27:12]
Cookie
Okay, no offense, but like that's all he could afford if he's do in crypto. Is the Nomo Soho?
- [27:17]
Graydon
No, that was a red flag.
- [27:18]
Cookie
Yeah.
- [27:19]
Graydon
And he had like a no hate to the Nomos.
- [27:20]
Cookie
Soho.
- [27:21]
Graydon
And he had this really good friend who was bald that was, like, working on his crypto. This is, like, such a side note. I went on this date with this man. He was, like, bald and, like, it was the sketchiest thing I've ever done. He promised me, like, $10,000 in, like, physical cash.
- [27:35]
Cookie
No.
- [27:35]
Graydon
And he said he would only give it to me if I sucked him. I didn't suck him. I didn't him. He was bald, so he looked like Mr. Clean. So he shows up to this D with a suitcase of ten grand in cash and gave it to me.
- [27:51]
Cookie
Did you keep it?
- [27:52]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [27:52]
Cookie
What'd you have to say?
- [27:53]
Graydon
And I told him I had a UTI and I couldn't hang out with him for the rest of the week. That made me sound like kind of an escort. It wasn't like that. I didn't even kiss him. Honestly, I feel like he got bamboozled that night.
- [28:05]
Cookie
Anyway, I hope he's well, but I looked over my shoulder, and his pants were down to his ankles, and his whole entire was out noise.
- [28:13]
Graydon
Cheek spread.
- [28:14]
Cookie
Cheeks spread. Blackout drunk. And I was like, is somebody gonna put this guy's pants on? I can't be looking at this.
- [28:21]
Graydon
We had people seasick. The waves were tumultuous. And this man is, like, ripping his asshole apart. Like, basically in a fetal position. Like, I like. Anyway, I've seen darker parts of that man. And.
- [28:34]
Cookie
Yeah, his internal organism. I could see his throat from behind. It was crazy.
- [28:41]
Graydon
You can't say that.
- [28:43]
Cookie
Yeah. You know, I think we shared that moment of seeing this man's. And that's when we became friends. We've been through it.
- [28:52]
Graydon
Wait, speaking of men with gaping, when was the last time you have entered or have been entered via throat, via ass, via ear, with a man via ear?
- [29:04]
Cookie
Like, yesterday. It's been a really long drought, and I feel like I'm, like, in the Sahara desert, like, one of those animals who, like, can't really access the watering hole. And it's not. I don't think it's the rain that's, like, blocking me from accessing water. I'm starting to think it's me.
- [29:23]
Graydon
No, I think your type is bad. Your type is straight men, so that automatically sets you up for failure.
- [29:28]
Cookie
Okay, I would just like to correct, like, it's not straight men.
- [29:31]
Graydon
What is straight?
- [29:32]
Cookie
Like, I like a more masculine man, which is totally fine. But I don't know. I mean, I definitely don't think my TikTok videos help.
- [29:39]
Graydon
When was your last sexual Encounter, flaying, romance. A spark that lit a fire under your beautiful plump ass.
- [29:48]
Cookie
Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. The last time. Let's just go with the last time I got diddled or diddled somebody else.
- [29:55]
Graydon
That sounds illegal.
- [29:56]
Cookie
I'm going to be honest with you. I don't remember.
- [30:00]
Graydon
No, like, you have to. Like, I'm telling you right now to.
- [30:03]
Cookie
Pick a date over. Over a year ago, probably, that I fucked. I've sucked.
- [30:09]
Graydon
You're the sucking queen.
- [30:10]
Cookie
I used to be. Not anymore.
- [30:12]
Graydon
We're going out tonight. Again.
- [30:14]
Cookie
Tonight? Halle is having a party. I think tonight's my night where, like, I really want my eyes to cross. Last night we were pretty drunk, but tonight I want to be even more drunk.
- [30:24]
Graydon
Anyways, I feel like we could go on and on about fucking crazy stories. We've been like. We've seen so much together. Like, besides, like, the darkest parts of people's.
- [30:31]
Cookie
I think we've seen a lot of Lauren.
- [30:36]
Graydon
Wait. Freak of the week here.
- [30:43]
Maria
Variety raves Maria is absolute perfection. And Entertainment Weekly hails Academy award winner Angelina Jolie. Brings tragedy and triumph to the last days of opera singer Maria Callis.
- [30:54]
Angelina
Finally, I am in control.
- [30:56]
Maria
And critics agree it's a towering tour de force performance from Angelina Jolie and a career best.
- [31:02]
Angelina
My life is opera. There is no reason in opera Maria.
- [31:07]
Maria
Directed by Pablo Larray for your consideration. Now playing its lech theaters and on Netflix December 11th.
- [31:14]
Production
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- [31:54]
Cookie
Lauren's here.
- [31:58]
Graydon
Guys, this is Lauren.
- [32:00]
Cookie
Lauren's here.
- [32:01]
Graydon
Guys. We're the three best friends that anyone could have. We're the three best friends.
- [32:06]
Cookie
Anyway, welcome to the casting code.
- [32:09]
Lauren
Thank you, guys. I feel very welcome.
- [32:12]
Graydon
I know.
- [32:12]
Cookie
Should we all touch each other?
- [32:13]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [32:15]
Cookie
Let's all hold hands.
- [32:16]
Lauren
Just let us. Let us.
- [32:17]
Graydon
No, no, I'm okay.
- [32:21]
Cookie
I see how it is.
- [32:22]
Graydon
All right. Hey, guys, if you don't know Lauren, Lauren's the one that, like, makes. She's the reason I'm alive. I feel like she keeps my schedule together. It sounds like you work for me.
- [32:30]
Lauren
No, I like might be production.
- [32:31]
Graydon
No, she's. When I call it production in my tick tock, she is production I'm calling for. Yeah, Like I wouldn't show up to anything on time. I'm not a planner. I am just a personality hire. Yeah, yeah.
- [32:45]
Cookie
Fish is just good at getting shit done.
- [32:47]
Graydon
She's also really good in bed.
- [32:49]
Lauren
Oh my gosh.
- [32:50]
Graydon
Wait. She shows me her sex tapes all the time. It's like what?
- [32:53]
Lauren
Getting right into it.
- [32:54]
Graydon
You know when you're like on like a sports team and they like rewatch tape just like see where they like could have like done better. I'm not.
- [33:00]
Lauren
You're that for you.
- [33:01]
Graydon
Yes.
- [33:02]
Lauren
Do you have any feedback?
- [33:03]
Graydon
You're amazing. Recoil is insane.
- [33:07]
Lauren
What happens to you?
- [33:07]
Graydon
And then I don't. We'll go into. Anyways. This is Lauren. Introduce yourself, my little freak of the week.
- [33:13]
Lauren
I'm Lauren. Um, I'm from New Jersey. That's like probably the most uninteresting thing about me. But me and Halle have been best friends for like six years now.
- [33:24]
Graydon
Six years.
- [33:24]
Lauren
Yeah. Yeah. So my. My college roommate was Halle's best friend from high school. And then we met and we fell in love.
- [33:33]
Graydon
We did.
- [33:34]
Lauren
We did. We had a week of just going out straight together. Every single night we would go to bed.
- [33:40]
Cookie
Sounds like you're legit. Let's vote.
- [33:42]
Graydon
A week. It was like a year.
- [33:44]
Lauren
Last week we went accidentally end at a gay bar and it was like all lesbian couples with.
- [33:50]
Graydon
There was flags everywhere. We had no idea.
- [33:52]
Cookie
Gay bar or gay bar?
- [33:53]
Graydon
No, it was a gay bar.
- [33:55]
Lauren
There was like a lot of lesbian couples and we were just like sitting. I think we were one of them. Yeah.
- [33:59]
Graydon
No. Yeah.
- [33:59]
Lauren
We might have been one of them.
- [34:00]
Graydon
We were one of them.
- [34:01]
Lauren
I think people thought that we were one of them.
- [34:03]
Graydon
No, definitely, definitely. People thought I was chowing down on you. Doing the lawn putting from the rough. The whole nine. Yeah.
- [34:09]
Cookie
Munching muffin.
- [34:10]
Graydon
Anyways, we've known each other for how many years?
- [34:13]
Lauren
Like six years now.
- [34:14]
Graydon
You've never seen me in a relationship.
- [34:16]
Lauren
I haven't. But I've seen you in multiple situationships.
- [34:19]
Graydon
I think that's always crazy that you've never seen me committed.
- [34:23]
Lauren
Yeah. And you've only seen me committed.
- [34:25]
Graydon
I. I was committed to them. They weren't.
- [34:28]
Lauren
They weren't committed to you.
- [34:29]
Graydon
No, no.
- [34:30]
Lauren
You thought they were. And I was always trying to like tell. I was like, they're not hot. Even though some of them were. I Was like, they're not hot, Halle. Like. Like, you could do so much better. And now looking back, we're like, lacrosse was really hot.
- [34:43]
Graydon
Lacrosse was hot.
- [34:44]
Lauren
Lacrosse was really hot. But I was trying. I'm. I was very convincing. I was like, he's not hot. Trust me.
- [34:49]
Graydon
He's the hottest guy I've ever caught with ever in my whole entire life. Yeah. So you have a boyfriend. We love him.
- [34:54]
Lauren
We love him. Actually, you didn't like him at first, though.
- [34:56]
Graydon
I'm sure I didn't like that I had.
- [34:58]
Lauren
He hit on Halle.
- [35:00]
Graydon
No, he didn't.
- [35:01]
Lauren
Yes, he did. He added you on Snapchat in front of me when he didn't like me.
- [35:04]
Cookie
No.
- [35:05]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [35:05]
Cookie
To do.
- [35:06]
Lauren
No, no, no. Here's what happened. Here's what happened. My boyfriend now, at the time, like, didn't want anything to do with me. And. Yeah, in. Yeah. And, like, in order to, like, show me how he didn't want to have anything to do with me, he was like, I'm just gonna, like, flirt in front of her. I'm gonna, like, add her best friend on Snapchat and, like, would, like, put his phone down so I could see everything. This was when he was, like, mean.
- [35:30]
Cookie
And then the second didn't have a fuckboy face, right?
- [35:32]
Lauren
He had a detox. No, he's, like, perfect, but, like, for those, like, he's an angel. But, like, he wasn't an angel until the second that he asked me to be his girlfriend. Up until then, I was a doormat.
- [35:43]
Graydon
That and, like, the Holland Tunnel.
- [35:46]
Cookie
Did you, like being dormant or did you, like.
- [35:48]
Graydon
And you were. You were so thick. Lauren used to, like, show up, like, my house on N. Like, be wearing, like, AF1s and, like, Jordans.
- [35:56]
Lauren
Yeah, I wore, like, Jordans with, like, Nike mid calves to the beach.
- [36:00]
Graydon
No, no, that was fake Dior Jordan.
- [36:04]
Cookie
They were fake.
- [36:04]
Lauren
Yeah, they were, like, custom made. Like, they just, like, took.
- [36:07]
Cookie
Oh, with the fabric.
- [36:08]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [36:08]
Cookie
Oh, yeah.
- [36:09]
Graydon
That is extremely ghetto.
- [36:10]
Lauren
And you wore leather pants. Pants to the beach. But here we are.
- [36:13]
Graydon
They were real leather. Then you met Jordan. You guys fell in love so deeply. He also has a massive piece.
- [36:20]
Cookie
Who?
- [36:21]
Graydon
Jordan's like a walking tripod. You know, like that thing that's holding up this camera right now that looks like Jordan. He's a third leg, a man. If, like, a gust of wind ever hit him from behind, he would be standing up still.
- [36:31]
Cookie
I love that.
- [36:32]
Graydon
And I love that he deserves that, honestly.
- [36:34]
Lauren
Yeah, he deserves a big day.
- [36:37]
Cookie
Dick.
- [36:37]
Lauren
He has, like, short arms, but he's making up for it sounds like a T. Rex.
- [36:41]
Cookie
Yeah. He has short limbs but a big dick.
- [36:44]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [36:44]
Graydon
He's like Tyrannosaurus.
- [36:46]
Lauren
I also think he like lifts so much those arms like progressively like get higher.
- [36:50]
Cookie
Oh.
- [36:51]
Graydon
What?
- [36:52]
Cookie
Totally.
- [36:54]
Graydon
He does have short biceps.
- [36:55]
Lauren
Yeah, he's got a really long.
- [36:58]
Graydon
We're not body shaming Jordan on episode one. We love Jordan.
- [37:01]
Cookie
No, we're complimenting.
- [37:03]
Lauren
Yeah. We're going to tell them about this later.
- [37:07]
Graydon
The thing is that's nice about me and Lauren is like we have very different tastes in men. I think we all have very different taste in men. Honestly, like, especially me. Actually. I feel like you guys have the same taste in men. I feel like you would go for someone like Jordan.
- [37:21]
Cookie
Like a pretty boy.
- [37:22]
Graydon
No, you would go for Jordan.
- [37:23]
Cookie
I would go for Jordan. I'll go for Jordan right now. Tell him to come over. Jordan.
- [37:29]
Lauren
Jordan loves Jordan. Jordan loves Jordan. You and Jordan have a very special relationship.
- [37:34]
Cookie
Yeah, we do. Anyway, enough about him. Yeah.
- [37:36]
Graydon
So we're going out tonight. What is the pregame going to look like, you think? I'm like terrified. The fact that we have to get ready in like an hour and a half.
- [37:42]
Cookie
Should we tell them what the pregames usually look like?
- [37:44]
Graydon
Yeah, let's tell them.
- [37:45]
Cookie
Okay, let's. Let's run through it.
- [37:46]
Lauren
Well, I don't really drink that much.
- [37:49]
Cookie
Which is amazing for us.
- [37:50]
Lauren
Yes. Because I'm always driving. If it's an. If we're in Nantucket or I'm always, you know, directing.
- [37:57]
Graydon
I used to hate it. I feel like when you're younger you're like, like you're not taking shots and now we're like, don't take a shot. I feel like you should because I take this because I don't want to Uber on Nantucket and she is the dd. She is trusted by my parents. That's true. The vehicles, that is.
- [38:11]
Cookie
She's on the car insurance.
- [38:13]
Graydon
Like, yeah, you should be. Other than some other siblings.
- [38:16]
Cookie
But Fish is the type of person where she can go out and like have like you'll have like one drink.
- [38:21]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [38:22]
Cookie
But like you don't need to be like shit faced to have fun. Like you always have fun.
- [38:25]
Lauren
I'm there for the music. I'm there for the networking.
- [38:28]
Graydon
Used to go out to network.
- [38:30]
Lauren
Yeah. Halle would drink for us and I would network for us. And honestly it works. It worked out pretty well for us.
- [38:36]
Graydon
Here we are.
- [38:36]
Lauren
Here we are. But yeah, no, Halle's and Graydon are probably ripping shots together. I am looking on in amazement.
- [38:46]
Graydon
Looking on is crazy.
- [38:47]
Lauren
I Am looking on in amazement. I'm like, wow, I would die. I would be in the hospital.
- [38:53]
Graydon
Sounds like shade. You're throwing. No, but anyways, we might die, but in a positive way. In a way that like we'll go out with a bang hopefully. But the pregame, what are, what are we having people over tonight? And then I'm throwing a party later in the evening and the wee hours of the night, I will be so cross eyed. I will be crossing both streets at once because I'm gonna be like, people used to like.
- [39:16]
Lauren
Or I don't know if people do still think this but like some people think it's a bit like you're crossing. No, no, like you fully.
- [39:23]
Graydon
I had meningitis. No, I had meningitis as a toddler.
- [39:26]
Cookie
I had it too. We both almost died.
- [39:29]
Lauren
But you're not cross.
- [39:30]
Cookie
We did you. I almost died like, but I'm not crossing.
- [39:33]
Graydon
I had a brain infection when I was 2 that affected my equilibrium. So they used to call me headwound Halle. I would just fall over, tip over. Like just simple tasks like walking. So then I turned completely cross eyed. Like this production zoom in. I'm looking at both screens right now. No, literally I would get so cross eyed. So at 6, I got contacts. But when I drink the muscles behind my eyes that keep them straight normally even right now, I'm like give out teetering. If I'm tired or a little tipsy, my eyes will just give out strength and I'll just go like this. So that's when Lauren knows that it's.
- [40:07]
Lauren
Time to take to close the tap. And you know, it's great. And I think I've said this before, but when someone looks at us and like they're like, you're leaving, you're leaving so early. I'm like, look at her.
- [40:17]
Graydon
That's what you do.
- [40:19]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [40:20]
Graydon
That is such a coffee.
- [40:22]
Cookie
You just like nod your head. You're like, yeah, look over here.
- [40:25]
Lauren
Look at her eyes. They're like, oh, oh, of course. Take her home.
- [40:29]
Graydon
That's how you get out of going like leaving. Look at her.
- [40:31]
Cookie
They're like, we totally understand. Like, take your time getting out. I hope you get home safe.
- [40:35]
Graydon
When you get back, make sure you.
- [40:37]
Lauren
Get her home safe.
- [40:39]
Graydon
I'm screaming.
- [40:40]
Lauren
And honestly, h, I think we should start using that moving forward. Like if we're just not having good times.
- [40:44]
Graydon
Yeah, you're so, so beautiful.
- [40:47]
Cookie
Do you just go up to them and cross her eyes over?
- [40:48]
Lauren
I'm like, look at her.
- [40:50]
Graydon
That's so real.
- [40:52]
Lauren
Wait we should do that.
- [40:53]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [40:54]
Lauren
I think that's our new cop out. Because I hate, like. I hate being, like, pressured to stay.
- [40:57]
Graydon
It's a good cop out, but just, like, loop me in.
- [40:59]
Lauren
Yeah, I got you.
- [41:00]
Graydon
Next time.
- [41:01]
Lauren
But, like, sometimes, like, you're just out of it. I can't loop you in. You're. You're looped.
- [41:04]
Graydon
I'm never that out of it. Don't drink.
- [41:09]
Lauren
Stay in school.
- [41:10]
Graydon
I really don't want to go out tonight. I'm not gonna lie, guys, it's your.
- [41:13]
Lauren
Party, literally hosted by you. You're on the invite.
- [41:16]
Cookie
You are hosting the party. You have to go.
- [41:18]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [41:19]
Lauren
Honestly. Well, what's fun is Hal's hosting a pregame. And I think what's so great about glassware is your glassware.
- [41:27]
Cookie
You're gonna let other people use it.
- [41:28]
Graydon
No, I'm not.
- [41:29]
Lauren
Can I use it?
- [41:30]
Graydon
Yeah, you can use it. You're not a drunk like the rest of people coming over.
- [41:33]
Lauren
Also, though, like, I love that all our friends have meshed.
- [41:37]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [41:38]
Lauren
That's so important. Well, us, but also, like, your home friends. My school friends.
- [41:43]
Graydon
I don't have really. I feel like besides you guys, I don't really have that many more friends. Real friends I would consider, like. Oh, like, I could trust them with your dirtiest secrets. I mean, I'm telling everyone else here my dirtiest, darkest secrets, but. Yeah, things that would probably get me, like, in trouble with the police, like those things. I feel like I wouldn't try to help. Not get away with anything. Yeah.
- [42:04]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [42:05]
Graydon
Like, would you bury your body for me?
- [42:06]
Lauren
Yeah. Great. And what's our relationship?
- [42:09]
Graydon
Yeah. So how does the dynamic work here? You're probably wondering because I'm so perfect. And, like, they're like, oh, my God, Halle, you're so perfect. Like, how can we, like, share time? I have to split between the both of them. It's like, I'm divorced, parents, like, the product of. How do you guys get along? How do you co parent this beast?
- [42:25]
Cookie
I would. So I'm a cancer Leo Cusp. And I couldn't really tell you what the. Wait.
- [42:29]
Lauren
I can't wait. I'm a Leo cancer.
- [42:31]
Cookie
She's a. Wait. Wait, what? Leo cancer Cusp.
- [42:34]
Lauren
Yeah. Wait. No, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- [42:36]
Cookie
Cancer Leo.
- [42:36]
Lauren
Yeah. Yeah. I'm a. We're the same. You're July 22nd. Yeah, I'm July 23rd.
- [42:42]
Cookie
Oh, yeah.
- [42:42]
Lauren
I'm the first day of. Leave it.
- [42:44]
Cookie
So we have the same.
- [42:45]
Graydon
Oh, my God. Significant.
- [42:47]
Lauren
We have, like, the same cost, but different. Like, like, like fire Sign. No, no, no. Like, main sign.
- [42:54]
Cookie
We need to get our charts read or something. But Fish and I just have a really sensitive, like, loving connection.
- [43:00]
Lauren
We do.
- [43:01]
Cookie
You know? Although she's way more sensitive than me.
- [43:03]
Lauren
I'm sensitive. And I'm thinking she might start crying. Like, you will, like, have my back.
- [43:08]
Cookie
Yeah.
- [43:08]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [43:09]
Cookie
Sometimes Halle goes for her throat.
- [43:11]
Lauren
No.
- [43:11]
Graydon
Well, sometimes I get very angry.
- [43:14]
Cookie
Sometimes Halle gets, like. At the end of a night, she'll be really drunk, and she'll sometimes jump on the neck.
- [43:19]
Lauren
And, like, not in a mean way. I'm just very sensitive. Like, I take everything so seriously.
- [43:24]
Graydon
Like, it's really hard to argue with you.
- [43:27]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [43:27]
Graydon
Because you will cry.
- [43:28]
Lauren
I will cry. And I'm like, that's it. Like, she never wants to see me again. Like, that's it. Our friendship is over. Like, all over. Because she was like. I don't know. Like, what if she said to me before. I'm, like, thinking about a time where, like, I took it so personally.
- [43:45]
Graydon
Like, the summer on your birthday. Like, oh, yeah. You were so sensitive.
- [43:50]
Lauren
I was so sensitive.
- [43:51]
Graydon
People that were staying at my house wanted to go to dinner with me. Yeah. They were staying at my house. But you would auction them off to my house because they couldn't stay at your boyfriend's house.
- [44:00]
Lauren
No, actually, we should talk about.
- [44:02]
Graydon
Because that was. You aren't coming to my thing. And I was like, wait, they're staying at my house?
- [44:09]
Lauren
No, no, no, no. I was just. I felt left out because normally in Nantucket, I always stay at your house. And this is the first time that I wasn't staying at your house where, like, everyone was there. So I was, like, feeling left out. And because I was feeling left out, I just started crying at Cisco. And actually, I'm mortified. And my boyfriend's brother likes to bring it up now. He's like, are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry? Like, you cried at Cisco?
- [44:33]
Graydon
I'm glad he does. Yeah. Because you should have been embarrassed.
- [44:35]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [44:36]
Graydon
You're being we little freak.
- [44:37]
Lauren
I was being a freak.
- [44:38]
Graydon
Yeah. And I was like.
- [44:39]
Lauren
And then I came home and I was like, h. I was like, you.
- [44:44]
Graydon
Can come to dinner, too. But, like, I was like, no.
- [44:47]
Lauren
And I walk around the block.
- [44:48]
Graydon
You were also staying at your boyfriend. So I was like, are you going to leave your boyfriend and their family and their cookout, their barbecue, the thing that they're throwing for you and come to my parents?
- [44:55]
Lauren
Look at me in the eyes. Yes, I will leave him. That's just kidding. Yeah. I'm thinking about The Hamptons trip now.
- [45:04]
Graydon
Oh, the Hampton Strip, guys.
- [45:07]
Cookie
That's what I was referring to.
- [45:08]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [45:09]
Graydon
No, guys, we were at.
- [45:10]
Cookie
We forgot what happened.
- [45:11]
Graydon
We went. It was a brand trip. It was, like, one of the first brand trips I've ever been on. But, like, we were sharing a room.
- [45:15]
Lauren
The three of us.
- [45:16]
Graydon
Luke was there, too.
- [45:18]
Cookie
No, no, just us three.
- [45:19]
Lauren
No, it was just us three.
- [45:20]
Graydon
We were at. Okay.
- [45:21]
Lauren
She was there for another one. This one was just us three. And I was being the. Like, I was being the plus one. I got there. I opened up every single present. I got into the pajamas that were on my bed.
- [45:32]
Cookie
As you should.
- [45:33]
Lauren
I stole some of great products. Like, I was. I was there.
- [45:38]
Graydon
But, like, we went to Surf Lodge. A guy in your building.
- [45:42]
Lauren
Wait, I ran into him today. Yesterday. I run into him every single day. His name is Chow Down.
- [45:48]
Cookie
What?
- [45:49]
Lauren
His name is.
- [45:50]
Graydon
What do you mean? Well, that came along.
- [45:51]
Lauren
His nickname is Chow Down. He lives in my building. I literally have the exact same schedule as him. I saw him this morning. I saw him yesterday.
- [46:00]
Graydon
We met at Surf Lodge. And I was drunk, and I said, come back. And I was really cute.
- [46:04]
Lauren
He's really cute. He's really tall.
- [46:06]
Graydon
And I was weird, though. His giggles. He's telling hyena.
- [46:08]
Cookie
Wait, I wasn't here.
- [46:09]
Lauren
I think he was really nervous. You were in there. This is the weekend with Liv.
- [46:13]
Cookie
Yeah.
- [46:13]
Graydon
Yeah. You weren't there.
- [46:15]
Lauren
And we brought him back.
- [46:16]
Graydon
He went down on me in front of.
- [46:18]
Lauren
Yeah, in front of us. Me and Liv were, like, hiding in the bathroom, and we were like, okay, well, it's been, like, two minutes. Maybe you should come out now. We come out.
- [46:26]
Graydon
You giving me two minutes to work. My masterpiece.
- [46:28]
Lauren
Yeah, we. It didn't seem like you were feeling.
- [46:31]
Graydon
It, because his laugh was really weird. I don't know.
- [46:34]
Lauren
Yeah. And then we came out and we were like. Show us what you were doing.
- [46:37]
Cookie
Okay. I received a video this night. Do we want to talk about that?
- [46:42]
Lauren
That was. That was Chow Dao.
- [46:44]
Cookie
Was that from you?
- [46:45]
Graydon
No, no, that was for me.
- [46:47]
Cookie
Okay.
- [46:47]
Graydon
Or Liv. And then group chat.
- [46:49]
Cookie
It was Liv. Or Fish sent it to me. And there's this. I see this hair underneath the sheet, and Halle's there, and I'm like, is she, like, playing with, like, a stuffed animal? Like, why is her hair under the sheet? It was Mr. Chow Down. Chowing down Chowing down underneath the.
- [47:06]
Lauren
Giving the name.
- [47:09]
Graydon
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
- [47:10]
Lauren
And then we set him on his way.
- [47:12]
Cookie
It's funny because I'll get those videos, and I will not Think one thing of it.
- [47:15]
Graydon
Sleep over. You have to go.
- [47:18]
Lauren
Bye. We, like, literally the way that we, like, hurried that man out of the room. Like, he didn't even have time to put his shoes on.
- [47:23]
Graydon
He was like.
- [47:24]
Lauren
By the time he was outside, he was weird, though.
- [47:27]
Graydon
He was a weird little freak.
- [47:28]
Lauren
Yeah. But anyway, I live in the same building as him, and I see him every single day. And I'm like, hey. And he's like, hey, how you doing? And then, you know, we talk about something for, like, the 30 seconds of the elevator ride the minute the weather outdoors and. Yeah, every day.
- [47:43]
Cookie
That's the worst.
- [47:44]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [47:45]
Graydon
Poor man. Mr. Chowdown. Okay, like, we need this. Wrap this up. We have to get ready with the shower, with the bathe. I'm sure greed has to take a nap. I need to take a couple shots. I think, before we go. Guys, guys, we should give a little, like, Real Housewives tagline. Like, what would, like, you know, juice up the ending of this? Okay.
- [48:01]
Cookie
Yes, yes.
- [48:02]
Graydon
You can start and then Lauren. And then I have to think of mine because. Okay.
- [48:06]
Cookie
I love this. Okay, let's run it back.
- [48:07]
Lauren
This is your moment to shine.
- [48:09]
Cookie
If you won't suck my quacky, at least drink one, period. You like that?
- [48:17]
Lauren
That was good.
- [48:18]
Graydon
All right, Lauren, you go.
- [48:18]
Lauren
All right. Where am I looking? I may not drink, but I eat every day, period. Guys, I'm screaming. I do eat every day.
- [48:28]
Graydon
No, you do.
- [48:29]
Lauren
Yeah. Used to be I was thick ac more than once a day.
- [48:33]
Graydon
I don't even know what mine would be.
- [48:34]
Lauren
You got it.
- [48:35]
Graydon
Like, you miss 100 of the cum shots you don't take, period, period. All right, guys. Cheerleader. All right, all right. So, like, let's wrap it up, guys. We have to get ready with. Go take shots. This has been so much fun. I'm so excited for everyone to be here. Even if, like, you're just here to, like, make fun of me if I'm crazy, I don't fucking care. We're gonna have so much fun. This was amazing. You're going to see a lot more of this situation going on. It's gonna be a lot of chaos, a lot of unhinged, raw energy. We're gonna raw dog this whole fucking thing. Subscribe, like, review. Give us five stars. All that fucking shit. You can find us on all platforms, wherever you watch your podcast, YouTube, whatever. Whatever floats your fucking boat anywhere. Always happy to be here. Love you all and thank you. Episode one. Let's do it.
- [49:23]
Cookie
Bye.
- [49:24]
Lauren
Bye.
- [49:31]
Maria
Variety raves Maria is absolute perfection in Entertainment Weekly. Hails Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie, brings tragedy and triumph to the last days of opera singer Maria Callis.
- [49:42]
Angelina
Finally, I am in control, and critics agree.
- [49:45]
Maria
It's a towering tour de force performance from Angelina Jolie and a career best.
- [49:50]
Angelina
My life is opera. There is no reason in Opera Maria.
- [49:55]
Maria
Directed by Pablo Laray, for your consideration, now playing its lech theaters and on Netflix December 11th.
- [50:02]
Amazon
Once Upon a time, Amazon Music met audiobooks, and listeners everywhere rejoiced. Oh, yeah, because now they could listen to one audiobook title a month from an enormous library of popular audiobook titles, including Romanticism, Autobiographies, True Crime and more. Suddenly, listeners didn't mind sitting in traffic or even missing their flight. Amazon Music Unlimited now includes Audible Download, the Amazon Music app now to start listening terms apply.