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Hallie Bachelder (1:02)
I almost got kicked out of my own party. I'm not going to the bathroom to do drugs with this girl. Which is what he thought I was doing. I fucking wish I was like, I'm not doing blow in the bathroom. Do you have any, by the way? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night. Hello, you little freaks. Welcome back to Extra Dirty. Here we are. I woke up a little, okay, I went out last night. I was a little hungover this morning. My brain. I have like two brain cells, like, dancing in my head right now. They're telling me to go back to bed. But I thought it would be better if we sat and went over the night with you guys. I went to this party last night. I threw this party last night. And I almost got kicked out of my own party for some reason. I don' no like, the rule that you can only go two people to a bathroom is such a rule, in my opinion. Like, the little security guy was standing at the door and he was like, one to a room. And I was like, I can't get this core set off to save my life. I need my friend to help me take this off. And he was like, one to a room. I was like, do you want to help me take it off? And he was like, no, I can't do that. I was like, okay, do you want me to piss my pants? And he was like, no. I was like, okay, so two plus two equals four here. I'm not going to the bathroom to do drugs with this girl. Which is what he thought I was doing. I wish. I was like, I'm not doing blow in the bathroom. Do you have any, by the way? But no, that was where. And he was like, I'm getting my manager. I was like, go get your fucking manager. It's my party. But anyways, we resolved it. We kissed, it was cute. And I didn't pee my pants. That was good. I just, like, I'm a problem solver, but sometimes I'm, like, solving my own problems because I am the root of them, if that makes any sense. That made no sense. But. But yeah, that was my night. I was up till 4am Domino's might have been in the mix. I woke up and I. The first sight I saw was that rent was due and there was about a million fucking dipping sauces laying on my kitchen counter. So there's that. You know what? You win some, you fucking lose some. At least it was Friday, so I don't feel that bad about it. If that happened on Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday, I mean, I would feel a little more guilty. But, like, that's what you're supposed to do on a Friday. I feel like you're supposed to have a hangover on a Saturday. I honestly don't remember the last time I haven't been a little hungover on a Saturday. But, you know, I'm still in my 20s. I can get away with this, so I don't feel that bad about it. As for prospects at this party last night, there was a couple people there that I've actually slept with. But, you know, the thing with me is, like, after I sleep with a guy, I kind of just, like, discard them. Like, I don't get, like, emotionally affected by a man I've shared a bed with. I don't know, it just, like, doesn't affect me. I'm like, okay, we can be friends, whatever. And also, for some reason, I think this is a me problem. But I feel like I get the ick right after I get with a guy. I guess it's like post nut clarity, but, like, for me, and I'm like, I don't look at you the same anymore. Let's talk about getting the ick for a second. Like, there's. So I think it's a red flag of mine. I look for the ick in a man. It's like, you know that saying, like, looking for tits on an ant? I look for the problem, and I'll always find one. I'm like Nancy Drew when it comes to discovering a man's Flaws. Let me name a couple of my ex. Like some of the ones I can think of right off the top of my head is like a man making a joke and like no one hearing it and like no one laughing. Flip flops. A man waving down a cab and not getting that cab when they put their height in their dating profile. I don't give a if you're six. Two gym selfies. That's the basic one. But like, that needs to be stopped. Sometimes when I want to lose feelings for a man, I just picture them curdled up on the floor of their shower. Like picture that like, like on, like curdled on the floor of their shower. Just like rocking back and forth. I picture that to lose feelings. That's actually happened before. A bad hairline, which I can't really talk for because my hair is not the best, but they can. They can be mad at my hair too. I don't. We can be mad at each other's hair. That pisses me off too. Ladies or gays. I don't think there's any straight men watching this podcast, but how I would avoid giving a girl the ick. I mean, I really think dressing well is so important. That means a lot to me and I feel like a girlfriend can help with that. Like a girlfriend can. The girlfriend effect. You can make a man dress well. I've seen it happen time and time again with my friends that have boyfriends. Obviously I don't have boyfriend, but if I did, I would show them how to fucking dress. Be funny. I think being funny is so underrated. Like, I would rather an 8 that has the best sense of humor ever rather than a 10. Supermodel stud GQ esque man that literally is dry as the Sahara desert. If you can't make me laugh, my pussy will stay dry. And that is two plus two equaling four. Thank you. So the other week I was talking about my fake tits. Honestly, I can't stop talking about my fake tits. It's like one of my favorite personality traits. But like, let's get into the other things that I've gotten done. The procedures, the nipping, the tucking, the needles. Like all the things that make me horny. Thank you. Should we just start off top to bottom, head to toe? Okay, this is going to be fun. Head to toe. Let's start with the hair. The hair is all fake. I have really bad hair. I have very thin hair and I bleach the out of it. I don't. I don't help myself in that aspect, but it's like one of those things where, like, I'm not good to my hair, so I have to continue to be bad to it. I have to add the extensions. I refuse to walk around like a rat. I'm okay with not having the best hair. Like, no bitch is ever gonna be like, oh, my God, is that Rapunzel frolicking through the streets of New York City. I will never get mistaken for Rapunzel, and I'm okay with that. I will die on that sword. That's okay. Hair, fake, bleached, all the things. I'm a natural brunette. Fun fact. But I feel like brunette's, like, more of, like, for my relationship era. And I have to be blonde when I'm in my single era. It jives better with my single activity. It the girls. I gotta get it. The girls that don't go bleach your hair anyways. Let's go. The eyebrows. I have really blonde eyebrows, which is shocking because I have brown hair, as we just talked about. So I have to get them tinted and threaded. That's not that big of a deal. That's probably, like, a very tiny thing. I got done Botox. I get everywhere. I've gotten filler in my cheeks. I've gotten filler in my lips, which you guys always remind me online. Duck lips, fish mouth. Ba, ba ba ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. I don't fucking care. I'm gonna keep doing it too. Thank you. I've gotten Botox all over my forehead and then Botox in my jaw. My jaw is real, which a lot of people don't believe. I don't know why I'd lie about everything else and just lie about my jaw. That makes no sense. What else? We've covered the mouth. Oh, my teeth tent. The front tent are fake. I had a really bad nail biting problem, which I fixed, obviously. I have a great little set of nails right now, so I have. My front 10 teeth are fake. I honestly think she did such a good job. A lot of people on the, like, veneers are difficult. People are gonna come at you for them. Out of all the things I've gotten done, like, all of the things, my veneers is probably what I got attacked most for online. People get really fucking fussy about veneers. It seems like projection, if anything else. All right, sorry, that came off so aggressive, but I mean it with my full fake chest. But anyways, the last, like, most major surgery I think I've ever gotten is my tits. And I got my tits, like, two years ago. I just felt like my. They looked sad. I don't know how to put it. Like, I'm not explaining, like, why I got them done. I just. Honestly, I didn't need them. I just really wanted them. And honestly, I find anesthesia, like, going under is, like, so fun to me. It's like. It's like a little roller coaster, and you wake up with, like, a fake rack. It's like, yeah, sign me up. Like, I want to do that, but honestly, I thought that was gonna be the hardest surgery to recover from. They're cutting you open. They're going underneath the muscle, you know, I woke up on that cutting board or whatever it's called, the doctor's chair. I call it a cutting board because it literally was one. And I thought I was gonna be out for the fucking count. I woke up, and I felt fucking great. My mom was in town to take care of me. I went out to the hotel bar. At her hotel, we had about 10 espresso martin, and I was trying to show everyone my tits. So the next day after that, you know, anesthesia, it has, like, numbing effects, like, medicine effects. So, like, I was really in no pain when I woke up. But the next day, not only did I wake up feeling like I did 100 million pushups, I was also suffering from a hangover. So I don't recommend. This is a psa. Don't do that. Because that was diabolical of me. And honestly, I don't know why my mom, like, thought that was a good idea either. I was trying to show everyone that worked at her hotel my chest. I was unwrapping. I was unbannaging. It was psychotic. And I was not only high off whatever drug medication I was on, I was fucking lit on espresso martinis. Like, I was like the Tasmanian Devil running around with fake tits. It was amazing. Would I do it again? Yes. I honestly think about wanting to redo my tits because a lot of people think they're real, and this could be a me problem. But I do not like that I did not go under the knife for nothing. If I'm getting cut open, I want everyone to fucking know about it. I might put it in my bio. I might update my Facebook status. I might tweet about it. Like, I want everyone to know I fake tits. I want them to look a little faker, too. They look real. She did that good of a job. So, honestly, I've been thinking about it. I might go back under the knife just to feel something. And, yeah, that's plastic surgery head to toe with Hallie Bachelder. Now let's get into the juicy stuff. Let's talk about men or boys or lack thereof. I don't know. Let's get into all of it, boys. These children running around breaking our little hearts. I haven't had a boyfriend since I was in college. He sucked. But I've had many situationships since then. And honestly, I think any girl would agree with me on this. A situationship and breaking off a situationship hurts a lot more than an ending of a relationship, in my opinion. It's just so. There's so much ambiguity, no closure. Were we ever anything in the first place? What are we even cutting off that no contact. There's just so many. There's too much gray area. And I fucking hate gray area. Ocd, black and white. That's how I think. If it's not like this, I get flustered, okay? But I've had many situationships, many men that I probably would have dated, but they did not want to date me. They're lost. But like, whatever. Anyways, let's go over a few of them. We had thing two who wouldn't fuck me and I was really annoyed with him. And he thought that not having sex and not finishing made him perform better in the gym. I think thing two is gay, I'm not gonna lie to you. Then we had third string self explanatory. He was third string athlete. He was a professional athlete, but he was riding the bench and I was riding him. But he was just. He had a bad hairline. Whatever. We had Peter Pan. I was obsessed with Peter Pan. The man that never wanted to grow up, never will. But his pockets were fatter than any pockets I've ever seen. They were so deep. We would go out to dinner. No, we'd go out to drinks. This is what won me over. Like, we would go out to drinks and this man would be at the bar and he'd be like, do you want a margarita? And I was like, okay. Tahin on the rim. Yes. That's so cute. And then he'd be like, should we just tip a thou for two drinks? He'd be like, should I just tip a thou? He would tip $1,000 everywhere we went. It was the hottest thing ever. Peter Pan called me, I miss you. But like, he was trouble. But he. I will give him this. He was always very transparent. He would be like, I'm sleeping with other girls. And I would be like, I am so cool at that. I'm a cool Girl, I'm chill. You can do whatever the fudge you want. We're not dating. Like, it's totally fine. I would sob over this man in. In private, in silence. And then he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. I, like, didn't even have time to tell him that. He, like, gave me chlamydia once. Like, he has no idea. Hopefully he got that checked. Anyways, who else? We have Old Spice. Mr. Old Spice. You remember him from the first episode. He. We're still getting over that one. That was a little bit of trauma, but, like, good trauma. Trauma that will build character and a little bit of personality. It adds to the lore. Honestly, every situationship, I've taken a piece from each and every single one of them. It creates the lore. And honestly, I look at every situation and anything in life as a learning lesson, and you learn something from every single one. So I know a lot at this point because we've had a lot of situationships that have just failed, crashed, and burned. But you know what? Here we are to tell the story about it. I actually answered this question on Harry's podcast, Boyfriend Material, and he was like, would you rather get ghosted? Or rather have a guy type out a paragraph explaining in detail every single reason why they don't want to be with you, don't like you, what's wrong with you, etc? And I was honestly, like, ghost the out of me. Honestly, ignorance is bliss. I don't need to know why I suck and why you don't want to sleep with me and why I'm not a compatible partner. Old Spice did that with me, which kind of threw me off because it was just a blow to the ego. But honestly, someone's got to do it. My ego has gotten a little inflated, I'm not gonna lie. But he wrote out, like, a long paragraph just being like, I don't think we're compatible. This is Y xyz. I think he had an opening statement, three supporting arguments, and then a closing outro, and I just, like, never replied. I'm not gonna lie. That one stung. That one bit me in the ass. But I guess I commend him for the honesty. But there's. There is such thing as too much, honestly. Like, I don't need to know everything about me. I don't need to know how other people perceive me sometimes in a negative light. If you have nice things to say about me, blow up my phone. But if you're gonna drag me and tell me what's wrong with me and why you don't want to continue things anymore, then like, yeah, just ghost me. We're good, bro. We're good, brother. And that's enough for now. I feel like it's already triggering me. We'll revisit those men on a later day. But for now, Lauren and Graded will be joining us again. I am so excited. So for now, let's just cut the cameras production. I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of a water break and yes, we'll be right back.