No cuddles, no kisses, no problem

Summary

Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder: Episode Summary

Title: No Cuddles, No Kisses, No Problem
Host: Hallie Batchelder
Release Date: April 10, 2025

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1. Opening Remarks and Personal Updates ([01:02] - [12:18])

Hallie Batchelder kicks off the episode with a candid reflection on her appearance in the previous week's episode, highlighting her discomfort with studio lighting and sharp furniture angles. She humorously recounts how her outfit inadvertently gave the illusion of an erection, expressing both embarrassment and amusement.

Notable Quote:

"It looked like I fucking had a 12 inch erect penis. You would have thought I shove one of these unwells under my fucking sweater."
[01:23]

Hallie then divulges her current state of being unwell, managing a high fever and dealing with various items in her pockets, including a thermometer and what she identifies as poppers. This leads her to humorously lament about her chaotic lifestyle impacting her health.

Notable Quote:

"I'm on my period, so I guess everyone should seek shelter because everyone will rue this day."
[01:02]

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2. Navigating the Dating Scene in New York City ([01:23] - [26:23])

Hallie delves deep into her tumultuous experiences with dating in New York City, debunking the romanticized notions inspired by shows like Sex and the City. She contrasts her reality with the idealized version of dating, sharing a particularly disastrous date to illustrate her frustrations.

Notable Quote:

"If you're not getting a text the next day after you hook up with a guy, they can go themselves. Like, what am I, a fucking flashlight with a beating heart?"
[10:24]

She discusses the challenges of finding meaningful connections, highlighting issues such as men’s fear of commitment and her disdain for superficial interactions. Hallie emphasizes her preference for older men, believing they possess better emotional intelligence and sexual prowess compared to their younger counterparts.

Notable Quote:

"Men should be able to come so easily. If a guy can't come from sex, we gotta go to the doctor."
[26:23]

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3. "Am I the Asshole" Segment: Listener Submissions ([27:51] - [43:17])

In this popular segment, Hallie reviews and adjudicates listener-submitted scenarios to determine if they are acting selfishly or not. Her blunt and humorous approach provides both entertainment and advice to her audience.

a. Dropping a One-Sided Friend

A listener questions if they are in the wrong for ending a friendship where effort was unreciprocated. Hallie firmly supports the listener, emphasizing the importance of reciprocal effort in friendships.

Notable Quote:

"Friendships are a two-way street. You should be getting what you're giving, like always in life."
[29:10]

b. Criticizing a Friend's Marriage at the Wedding

Another listener wonders if they are the asshole for telling their girlfriend she made a mistake marrying her partner during the wedding. Hallie defends the honesty of the action, despite its timing.

Notable Quote:

"If you have a concrete reason, like your reunion trip, they should be able to understand why you're saying no to that wedding."
[34:50]

c. Skipping a New Friend's Wedding for a Reunion Trip

A listener seeks judgment on choosing a reunion trip with college friends over attending a new friend’s wedding. Hallie encourages prioritizing long-standing friendships while suggesting ways to maintain the new friendship.

Notable Quote:

"Reuniionship with your friends is a very concrete reason to skip a new friend's wedding."
[40:15]

d. Commenting on Exes' Sexual Performance

A listener admits to telling every new person they meet that their ex is gay to deflect rejection, wondering if this makes them an asshole. Hallie critiques this behavior, highlighting its dismissive and rude nature.

Notable Quote:

"Guys should be able to come so easily. If a guy can't come from sex, we gotta go to the doctor."
[43:17]

e. Ending a Long-Term Relationship for a New Interest

A listener asks if they’re in the wrong for leaving a three-and-a-half-year relationship for someone else. Hallie argues that it’s better to pursue genuine connections rather than stay in unfulfilling relationships.

Notable Quote:

"Carpe diem. Seize the day, seize the dick."
[39:50]

f. Crushing on a Roommate After a Failed Situationship

A listener wonders if they’re the asshole for developing feelings for a roommate after a situationship didn’t work out. Hallie encourages exploring chemistry and moving forward rather than holding onto past relationships.

Notable Quote:

"Chemistry is a strong thing. It's a powerful thing. I say go for it."
[42:30]

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4. Open Discussion on Sex and Relationship Dynamics ([44:46] - [53:59])

Hallie transitions into a frank discussion about sex, offering advice on improving sexual relationships. She emphasizes the importance of communication and sexual compatibility, sharing her strategies for ensuring satisfying encounters.

Notable Quote:

"If you can master a good blow job, he will text you eventually, whether it's a booty call or whatever."
[44:46]

She advocates for giving partners multiple opportunities to understand each other’s preferences, suggesting that after three attempts, one can better judge sexual compatibility. Hallie also touches upon the balance between physical intimacy and emotional connection, expressing her personal boundaries regarding cuddling and the aftermath of hookups.

Notable Quote:

"I don't want to be the flashlight with a beating heart. I have feelings too."
[51:30]

Hallie concludes this segment by reiterating her stance on not investing time in partners who don’t meet her standards, advocating for self-respect and prioritizing personal happiness over societal expectations.

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5. Closing Remarks ([53:59] - [55:44])

As the episode wraps up, Hallie invites listeners to engage with her on social media, encouraging them to send in questions and topics for future episodes. She reinforces her commitment to providing unfiltered and honest discussions, assuring her audience that she will continue to share her experiences and insights.

Notable Quote:

"You're not getting rid of me. You're not getting in this podcast anytime soon. I'm here to stay."
[55:35]

Hallie signs off with her signature blend of humor and authenticity, leaving listeners anticipating the next episode.

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Conclusion

In "No Cuddles, No Kisses, No Problem," Hallie Batchelder offers an unfiltered look into her chaotic dating life in New York City. Through personal anecdotes, listener interactions, and candid discussions, she provides both entertainment and relatable insights for her audience. Hallie's blunt humor and honest reflections make this episode a compelling listen for anyone navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

Transcript

[Lily]

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[Hallie]

I'm on my period, so I guess everyone should seek shelter because everyone will rue this day. What up, you little fuck? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York.

[Lily]

Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.

[Hallie]

Hi, sexies. Everyone, welcome back to Extra Dirty. Before I start this episode, I needed to, like, go over how ugly and beyond I looked in last week's episode. Guys, this is my first time in the studio. The first time with this lighting. And also this couch has very sharp angles to it. So I honestly didn't know what I looked like. And I looked back at the footage from last week and oh, my God, I wish production had stopped me. It looked like I had my pants bunched up like this. Everything was tucked under my sweater. I thought I was going for like, the cute, cozy look. Like a little sultry, like, oh, she's very cozy in the couch. She's marinating in the couch. No, it looks like I fucking had a 12 inch erect penis. You would have thought I shove one of these unwells under my fucking sweater. That's what it looks like. It was absurd. It looked like I had a boner the whole time. And I was super excited to be podcasting, which I was, but, like, not that excited, you know? Like what? Anyways, I'm sick. As you can probably tell, my super seductive and, like, sexy voice that I have going on right now. I started off the week with, like, 102 fever. I feel like maybe my lifestyle is finally starting to catch up with me just a touch. I literally have, like. Like, look what's in my pockets right now. If you're watching this on YouTube, I'm gonna vocalize it for people that aren't watching it, but I have a thermometer just in case a fever spikes. I have a pack of cigarettes just in case I forget that I have a fever. I think this is a popper. Oh, my God, are these poppers? I have a lighter for the cigarettes. Wait, I'm dead that I had poppers in my pocket. I didn't even know. And then. Okay, so this is probably why I have a cold. It's because all these things combined. My pocket don't make sense to me at all. Wait, the poppers really threw me off. I haven't worn this coat in a little bit. But, yeah, I'm fucking sick. What else can I catch you up on? I'm on my period, so I guess everyone should seek shelter because everyone will rue this day. If a gust of wind comes at me strange, I flip it off. That's how I'm feeling today. I'm getting laid regularly right now, but, like, I still hate men. My opinion on men has not changed. Honestly. If anything, it's been extremely solidified. Everyone still pisses me off, you know, like, all these men want. Like, they just want a fucking blow job. Like, that's all they want. Like, what happened to hi, how are you? Or, like, let's go out to dinner, or, like, let's go on a date, or let's see you in the light of day. They're just like, oh, like, give me head again. I get it. It's a beautiful. A beautiful Sucky McGee. But there's more to me than just my Sucky McGee's. There's more to me. Okay, let's do a quick little, like, throwback dating story. Now that I'm on the topic of dating and how much it sucks in New York City, let's start there. It was probably five years ago when I first moved to New York, and when you first moved to New York as a girl, you think that you're Carrie Bradshaw and you think that you should just be dating. You think you should be dating everyone and just saying yes, and, oh, my God, life is so beautiful and Mr. Big is gonna sweep you off your Fe. And you're just gonna ride off into the sunset. You're gonna experience heartache, you're gonna experience breakups, you're gonna experience situationships, you're gonna experience chlamydia. All is true. But you know, it's not as romanticized as you see like in the Sex in the City. It's like a lot shittier. You know, I can barely get a guy to ask me out. I, I like I said in the last episode, men are scared. They're scared of these days. I don't know what's going on. This species is dying in. In my opinion. But sorry, that was just a random tangent on men let dating story. So I thought that like you were supposed to just like say yes to dating. And dating as you guys know, it's a hobby, it's a sport. It's like a plant you have to water, you have to give it attention. Like people really put their whole back into dating, in my opinion. And I really don't have time for it. I just, my lifestyle is not conducive with romantic partnerships right now. So it was like one night, it was like a Friday night. We went to this kid's like birthday celebration. He like rented out a bar or whatever and I went with some girlfriends. And like everyone was partying. Someone offered me a bump. And like, I don't say no to much. Definitely not saying no to a bump. But I did not know the bump was pink. And I thought that was only a Miami thing. So it ended up being 2 CB and everyone's vibing, you know, the house music is going and the vibes are flowing and this fucking random ass kid who I. I guess hit it off with was giving me attention. And one thing about me is I like attention. And he ended up asking me on a date. We exchanged phone numbers and he followed up the next day. And when I saw the text the next day, usually my like gut reaction to a guy asking me, I would be like. Like now in today's age would be absolutely the not. Like I have to like really know you in person. If I'm saying yes to a date, I don't say yes to dates. Like, I need to hook up with you a few times before I say yes to a date. But that's like a whole other issue. We'll get to that later. So I was like, you know what? Yeah, you know, I'm fresh in New York City. I should be saying yes to going on dates. So you set a time, we meet up. We meet up at like the fucking Gans of Ord or something. And I see this troll looking ass man in the lobby of the building and I said, there is no way. I don't know what Lucifer asked. Potion 2 CB has. And that made me just see rainbows and butterflies in like whatever. This man was not in the slightest my type. He looked like kind of like asparagus. I don't know. He. And just like, nothing about him was my type. He looked shy and not outgoing. He wasn't funny. We go up to the top, like, I was about to like, turn around and say goodbye. I don't know, like, what got into me to say yes. But like, I would feel so bad standing someone up on a date. That's really not my style. I wish it was, but like, I have like guilt and shame and anxiety. I would never want someone to do that to me. So I ended up going through with the date and I was like, you know what? Maybe he has a good personality. Like, maybe we'll just give it a go. No, there was nothing about this date that went smooth. It was like a very tumultuous. It was like turbulence. If dating. If a date was like a turbulent plane ride. That was the whole thing. Nothing was smooth about this date. We get up to the roof, he orders like a Magnum bottle of champagne. And I haven't eaten anything yet. So I got fucking cross eyed and lit and like, the conversation was horrible. I'm cross eyed at this point, I'm starving. You can barely find my waist. And this man, all he's fed me is fucking champagne. And I get the gesture. He was trying to like look like a baller. But this kid was like, what, 22 probably. And like was probably just trying to impress me with a bottle of champ. Like, I need to eat something, please. And then the vi. The conversation, like, we had nothing common and he wasn't funny. And as you guys know, being funny is so important to me. If you're not funny, like, I hate you. Like, I would rather you be ugly and funny than the other way around. So then he wanted to, like, continue the night. And I don't know what to say. No, it's like one of my biggest flaws. I do not know how to say no. I'm working on it. I've worked on it in therapy. Saying no just doesn't roll off the tongue naturally to me. And so he brings me to like the fucking Spaniard. After which, if you guys don't know what the Spaniard is, it's just like a dive bar. In New York. It's like the least romantic place probably in New York City. Like, I would rather like. Like I think giving a girl like a tour of like a graveyard would be more romantic than bringing me into the Spaniard. And then he leans in for a kiss at the end of the night and that's always awkward and also like, as you know, like, I can't say no. So like it was an awkward, like Dodge and I leaned back and then he sprinted the street and he was never to be heard from again. I think we both knew it was just like a atrocious state. And since then, I've never romanticized dating again and I've never romanticized New York City and I've never had a real, you know, Carrie Bradshaw moment. After that I went straight to Samantha Jones route. After that I went straight Samantha Jones. I'm not really big dater. It's not really my thing. I travel a lot. And like I said a million times at this point, guys don't ask me on dates because I think they're scared I'm gonna bite their head off, which is usually probably the case.

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[Hallie]

I feel like dating in general is something you really have to, you know, make time for. Like, anything else that you prioritize, you have to make time for it. It's not really on my top priority list. I also, like, don't have that much time. I guess right now I'm, like, busier than I've ever been in my life. Like, I remember, like, months and months and months ago, I double booked, which I feel like is common in New York City. Sometimes you got a double book, you have one date, and then you have a following date. I think I. If I the guy, like, the most would be the second date. For me, that was the case. Like, I had been talking to this guy for a while, and he was planning on staying with me, but I had really liked this guy. And I do this thing when I like someone where I put all my eggs in one basket. And I was really trying to fight the, like, putting all my eggs in one basket so I wouldn't get hurt kind of thing. But it turns out that, like, if I like someone, I'm literally just hooking up with that person. I wish it wasn't the case because I probably would save myself from, like, getting my feelings hurt when I. When it's not necessary, but, you know, can't change me. But anyways, I like this guy, and he was planning on staying at my apartment, and I was really excited, but I was like, fuck, I can't like this guy too much because he did have a lot of fucking red flags. So what I did is I double booked and I went on a date with this guy who is the sweetest man ever. He had been begging and begging, so persistent on asking me out. And I kept, like, pushing it off, pushing it off. But I was like, wait, this is the perfect opportunity to, like, spread my eggs a little bit into different baskets. Give this guy a shot. Maybe we'll hit it off. So I accepted the date. But, like, this date was at like 6pm it was like a cocktail. Ish. That kind of ran late. And then I knew that later that night, this guy from fucking wherever was landing and staying at my apartment. So I kind of felt bad for the first guy. But you know, what doesn't. What he doesn't know won't kill him. You know, ignorance is bliss in this situation. But it did get kind of awkward because I was continuously checking my phone. This man was like, I'm landing. What's your apartment number? Blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna be there in 30 minutes. And I was like, oh, this other guy is. Or trying to order more and more drinks. Wants to go do like a final, final espresso martini liquid dessert situation somewhere else. And I had to figure out, like, an excuse. I think I said I had, like a job interview the next day in, like, I don't know, that's probably the last thing I should have said to get out this date. Because one, I'm an influencer. What does that even mean? And two, like, it was a Saturday, so nothing made sense. It was like the worst excuse in that given situation. I think the guy was picking up on the fact that maybe I was just not interested, which wasn't the case. I liked the guy and I was kind of interested. I just, like, wanted to sleep with the other guy more and he was like, on his way ubering to my apartment. Apartment. But I feel like that's not a unique experience. I feel like people double book in New York City all the time. And it's not just women doing it. I bet men do it a lot more. But yeah, like I said, dating is just seems to be not my horizon right now. But I don't, like, seek out the dating lifestyle. I'm sure if I really got into it, if I'd hinge, you know, I put my full into dating, I could probably swing a date. I just think that for right now, you know, I'm like, never in the same place for more than four days at a time. It feels like right now, and I'm just busy, you know, just doing me. But I always feel like men will just come to me. Like, they'll just fall in my lap and the stars will somehow align and that fate will just be on my side. But as I'm getting older, I feel like I will have to, like, make a conscious effort to take part in dating as a thing and as like almost like a sport, like an extracurricular activity. Like, I gotta give it some attention at some point. I don't think right now is the time. But, like, who knows? I could meet the love of my life tomorrow. Or maybe I already know it. I don't fucking Know, but yeah, that's where I am with dating right now. And that's what dating pretty much looks like in New York, I think. Unless you can prove me wrong. I mean, if anyone has a great dating life, please, please write into the show and I want to hear about it. I want you on the show. I want to hear about your superb dating life. I want to hear about girls that are going on dates multiple times a week. I want to like, how do you. My ADHD could never also. Where are you finding these men? I look around, I see no talent. There's done. I talked about this last week on the POD with Live. I look around these dive bars, which is apparently where you're supposed to find the men. That, that and like sporting events. But there's only so much dribble, dribble in swing, swing, you know, throw, throw that I can fucking fake before I get sick of the shit. Okay. Can they come to the members clubs? I thought they would be at the members clubs. You think these rich men would be like flying amok. But I don't know who's single. Approach me. I like. I'm not a mind reader. These men just think we can read their minds and read their boners. I can't do any of that. You have to come say hi and stop being a weird freak. Sorry, got emotional with that one. Apparently you're supposed to meet like the Love youe Life in your late 20s. I don't know what doctor, scientist or person discovered that. I think that's a bunch of. And this is why I go after older guys is because I don't think men have the EQ that we have at the same age. There are seven years behind us. So if you're 27 years old and you're hooking up with a 27 year old man, they're 20 years old. Mentally, emotionally, they're only physically your age. Literally, they're only physically your age. And that's about fucking it. Like, you're not going to talk to a guy your age and be like, yeah, you get it. It's very, very fucking rare. And that's why a little bit of an age gap will be better for you in more ways than one. Like, you'll get treated better. They're better in bed. They check a lot of boxes that guys our age do not check. Okay. I think a lot of people that think they've met the one they're gonna marry, the ones in long term relationships right now, the ones that just got married, maybe call me a pessimist I think I'm a fucking realist. Most of those people will be divorced by the age of 40, and then they're gonna be like, damn, I Wish I was 28 and still hot and didn't settle for some fucking limp d ass pussy just because I thought I should. But that's just, like, my thought on that. Also, I'm not, like, one that's like, oh, my God. I'm not, like, a hopeless romantic. I'm just, like, hopeless. I guess at this point, I'm. I'm. I just, like, see, I see a situation in the situation around me, in the dating situation, New York. I see people's dynamics, and I just read it at face value. I'm really good at that. That's why I'm trying. I'm not a patient person. This. My romantic life is one aspect of my life that I will, without a doubt, always be patient with. Because I do not want to look back years and years and be like, damn, I wasted time and energy on a man that, like, wasn't fucking shit. Like, I don't want to have any regrets when it comes to, like, men. Imagine, like, having a regret over a man. That's disgusting. Everyone needs to pull it together. Okay? My last thing on dates is if you were to ask me on a date, which, by the way, I'm looking at every camera right here. I. If you want to ask me out on a date, I'm open to it. I'm not against it. But you have to be hot and funny and not a fucking weird little pussy freak. Okay? Maybe a little bit of a freak, but not a pussy freak, okay? And this is what my ideal first date would look like. Like, I don't need the flowers. I don't need you to call me an Uber. I have my dad's credit card for that. I don't need any of that shit. This is what I do need, though. I say, ideally, a date would be in the evening. I don't believe in coffee dates. I don't want to see you in the light. I need to have a slight buzz going. If I don't have a slight buzz going, like, how do I know if we're gonna, like, get along? That could be up to say, it may be a little alarming. That could be a red flag of mine. But, like, I need to, like, have, like, a little bit of a jag going. Like, the vibes need to be, like, rolling off the tongue, you know, like a little giggle. Like, I need to have a little flush on the Skin. And also I need to know if I want to fuck you or not. Like, if I don't know that off the first date, then I probably don't want to fuck you. And I don't have any interest on going on a second date. I think a perfect first date you would be getting cocktails. I don't. I don't need food. Well, I need food, but I don't want to eat on a first date. Especially, like anything handheld. Like maybe do like apps, but, like, I don't want to be fucking ripping, like, hunking down like a hamburger or anything like that. And then just like, do like a couple drinks, dim lighting, candles, romantic environment, not too romantic. Nothing like cheesy or forced, but, you know, anything. Like kind of like a hole in a wall. Like a boutique. Like Italian. Like, not Italian restaurant, but because I don't want food. But, like, what am I trying to say? Like, I want to say members club, but that's like, not relatable at all. Because ideally I would love to just like, go to like, Zero Bond or Shea Margot and just, like, sit in the corner and have a couple drinks. But I'm trying to think just like I'm like a hole in the wall place where you can get drinks and then maybe like, share a kiss at the end of the night. I don't really have a strong stance on sleeping with the guy on the first date. I don't think you should have rules around that at all. If it doesn't feel right, I would say don't do it. Like, I wouldn't, like, force it and be like, oh, like, I don't know if I want to sleep with you, but then, like, try to make it happen. I wouldn't do that. But if you guys are handsies hot, like handsy hot and heavy. Like, can't keep your hands off each other the whole night. And, like, the only other option is, like, at the end of the night. Like, don't stop yourself just because you're, like, not supposed to sleep with someone the first date. Like, I had anal on a first date once and I don't regret a damn thing about that. I would do it again. It slipped. I don't know, it just happened. And honestly, it was because we were hot and heavy the whole night. Like, it just happened sometimes. But I don't believe in, like, oh, you should wait to the third date. Like, you should wait till, like, you know, the seventh moon of the third date. And it has to be like, the wind has to be like, the Tide. And then, like, you have to be a Taurus and a Libra. I don't believe in any of that fucking bullshit. If you want to. If you don't want to go to bed, that's about it. But, yeah, that would be my ideal first day. Ideally, they would text me when I got home if that's the route I took. Or they would text me if I got home safely the next morning after they sent me home in an Uber from their apartment. Other, like, if I'm not getting a text the next day after I hook up with a guy, they can go themselves. Like, I don't understand that. What am I, a fucking flashlight with a beating heart? I have feelings too. Like, hi, how are you? Like, maybe check if I have a UTI or not, because we just had sex 19 million times. What about that? What about that? These men. But, yeah, I text with device and my whole thought on, like, if you don't hit it off on a first date, like, do you ghost, or are you just super transparent? I've. I've had it both ways. I've hooked up with a guy. I stayed, like, I stayed at his place for a full week, and then I landed back in New York City, and I was slammed with a, hey, I don't think we're meant to be. We're not compatible. And I thought we had hit it off. Like, I thought we were, like, in sympatico. I thought we had Kiki'd like, so hard. And this man hit me with, like, the, yeah, no, this is not gonna work. I never replied to the text, but I will say there was something about, like, that that just, like, closed the chapter and it was easier to get over. Like, yes, for a week, I was like, kind of like, you know, my ego's a bit bruised, but, you know, bruises heal. And it was, like, quick and easy. And, like, I got over it. The ghosting situation kind of, you know, I get it, and I've done it to guys plenty of times, but I do think that it kind of, like, leaves things, like, open ended. But the thing is, like, who the cares if you want to leave it open ended? Whatever. You're eventually gonna get over that too. So if you want to go. So if you don't want to ghost and you want to be a dick for a second, yeah, you can do that too. But, yeah, that. That is dating, I guess. Builds character, you know, Sometimes you gotta get your ego bruised. I know I need to be taken down a notch sometimes. It's definitely good for me. I need to be humbled or put in a corner and put in time out. Sometimes it's good for me but it sucks and I don't like it and stop doing it. I wish men would treat me nicer.

[Lily]

My name is Lily and I've had hydradenitis Suprativa HS for years. I finally found some relief since taking Cosentyx. Relief means I can show up more.

[Cosentyx Representative]

Cosenty Secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe hidradenitis. Suprativa HS don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx before starting get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentix or cosentyx.com Ask.

[Lily]

Your dermatologist about Cosentyx.

[T-Mobile Representative]

The Ego Power plus savings event is on at lows right now. Get a free select EGO 56 volt battery with purchase of a select trimmer, blower or mower kit. That's a $299 value. Plus. Shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn, so get ready for spring with the latest in innovation from Ego, the number one rated brand in cordless outdoor power only at Lowe's we help you save. Offer valid through 416. Selection varies by location while supplies last.

[Hallie]

Okay guys, speaking of horrible dates in my horrible dating life and this shitty situation, you know, that is dating in New York. Let's talk about you guys for a little bit and let's do Am I the Asshole? Because some of you guys can be assholes too. And honestly, thank fucking God because it makes me feel so much better. You know, misery loves a little company. Sometimes it's nice to know we're all in the same boat. We're on the same ship. We're in this together as a shared experience. So let me read a couple of things you guys submitted some situations and I will, you know, debate whether you guys are the asshole or not. And I'll be fucking honest about it too. Okay, this first person says, am I the asshole for dropping a friend who never put any effort into our friendship? No, you're a person with a beating heart. Why Would you put any energy into something where you're not getting anything back? That's a one way street, babe. Friendships are a two way street. Relationships are a two way street. You should be getting what you're giving, like always in life. Or they're all sorts, like no point, this person seems like a bad friend. And you're going to realize as you get older, your circle is going to be going to get extremely small. You should only have one. My dad always says this. You should only have one to three friends where you could call up at 2am and say, My car broke down, I'm on the side of the road, I need you to come pick me up, no questions asked. And they would get in their car and do it for you. There's only going to be a few people in your life that are going to do that for you. And you're gonna find those friends as you get older. You know, the trash is gonna take itself out. You know, we gotta trim the extra fat. Okay? We don't need any bad relationships or friendships in 2025. And you should know your worth. You should know what you give as a friend. And if you're not getting that back, then tell them to go fuck themselves and shove a pole up their ass respectfully and kindly and gracefully with lube. Okay? So I think you're not the asshole. I think you're a fucking queen for that. I've dropped so many friends that didn't put the effort in. I'm sure friends have dropped me too. You know, down the road sometimes you just grow apart. And that's okay too. Sometimes your interest in your lifestyles would just take you in different directions. And that doesn't always have to be like a bad thing. It doesn't always have to be a harsh breakup split. Sometimes you just go in different directions. And that is life. That's what life will do to you. You know, I've definitely experienced that too. But no, I would not say you were the asshole at all. And don't be too hard on yourself about situations like that, okay? This next person says, am I the asshole? Because I told my girlfriend she made a mistake marrying her man and we were at her wedding. No, this is something I would so do. I would be like, how can I make this wedding about me? Like, this is something I would do too. Maybe we're both assholes for doing this, but maybe I would have, you know, in hindsight. Hindsight's always 20 20. Maybe I would have had this conversation with her before, but ultimately, when it comes to, like, your girlfriend's relationships, you can give them as much advice that you possibly have, but, like, they're the ones that are gonna have to live with it. They can take all your advice and probably, like, do nothing with it. That's their life, that's their journey. And if there's something wrong with this man, I promise you she's going to find out herself eventually one day, whether you, you know, flag that or not. So, no, I don't think you're the asshole. Doing it on her wedding day is kind of insane. Kind of a baller move. Definitely something I would do. But no, I don't think you're an asshole. You're just being an honest. You're trying to be a good friend and. And she'll appreciate that. Maybe not in that moment in dress, but I think down the road she'll give you a pat on the back for that. I'm trying to think, like, if I've ever disliked one of my friends, boyfriends or husbands, people that they're in relationships, like my close friends. Like, I'm trying to think, like, my friend Lauren, like, I love her boyfriend so much, I feel like they suit each other so well. But I remember in the beginning when he was kind of like, being a boy to her, I was like, oh, this guy sucks. And also selfishly, when my friends get into relationships, I'm like, like, ugh. Like, who am I gonna have fun with? Like, no one wants to go out with me anymore. Everyone's like, happy. Like, can someone be like, sad and go out with me and, like, take tequila shots with me? Like, I kind of feel like I'm losing a friend to a man whenever my friends get in relationships. But I try to think, do I hate this man or do I just want my fun friend, my single friend? But then, like, if I look at the glass half full, I'm like, well, at least there's like another hot bitch I don't have to worry about. She's taken. So maybe there's more men for me. But, you know, that's just like being positive, trying to look at the situation positively. But, you know, I've definitely hated some of my friends situationships. But, like, in those situations, trash has taken itself out. There's not much I had to say, you know, but my friends that have serious boyfriends right now, I gotta say, maybe I'm lucky. I like all of them and. But I've definitely had friends with situationships where I want to kick them in the fucking balls and shove My fist into their ass and then rip out their guts and then show them their guts and be like, look at this beating heart of yours that's in my hand. I never had to do that. But I've wanted to. I've thought about it. Anyways, next question. This girl goes, am I the asshole? Because I am not going to a new friend's wedding and going on a reunion trip with my college friends instead. No, they were your friends first, I think. Weddings. Oh, my God, there's so many fucking weddings right now, and I don't have a boyfriend. I don't want to go to a wedding alone and, like, celebrate someone else's love. No offense. Unless they're, like, a family member or best friend. I just kind of get, like, sad at them. When I go and I'm like, oh, damn, she looks happy. She looks really happy. I get, like, kind of, like, negative at them. But, no, I would probably do the reunion trip with my college friends, too. Those are your bitches. Those are the girls you shook. Shook, like, were shaking ass with back in the day. Those are the girls you were drinking pig Whitney with in Cabo circa 2012. Like, those are your real fucking bitches. Go on that reunion trip. Shake some ass with your real friends. A new friend. They'll understand, too. If you say no to that wedding, they should be able to understand why you're saying no to that wedding. As long as you have, like, a concrete reason. I would say reunionship with your friends is a very concrete reason to skip a new friend's wedding. And I will die on that hill. Okay. Okay. I feel like there's ways to, like, remedy the situation. I would still, you know, like, send a gift. You know, maybe write a card. Maybe, like, get a couple dinners with that new friend just to, like, you know, fluff her up a little bit and then say, you know what? I can't make it to the wedding. But, like, I sent you a really nice gift. You can't be mad at me. So as long as you, like, check all those boxes and do all those things, I feel like you're absolutely in the clear and that you shouldn't feel bad about that at all. I don't think you're the asshole at all. Am I the asshole? Because I tell every person I meet that their ex is gay because he wouldn't come from sex. Yeah, I think all my exes are gay. Like, literally, if a guy, like, rejects me, I'm like, oh, he's definitely gay. Like, sort of the ass. Ass. It's not a me problem. They're just gay. Is that okay to say? Am I gonna get in trouble for saying that? I don't even care. Like, I just think everyone's gay if, like, if they're not coming from sex, either they have ED erectile dysfunction or they're thinking about Joe Schmo from the Equinox locker room. Okay? I don't think there's any in between. I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong. Unless you have like a Venus fly trap that's. That's biting it or something. But I don't think that's a you problem, babe. Guys should be able to come so easily. If a guy can't come from sex, we gotta go to the doctor. There needs to be a doctor visit asap. I've not. Unless they have coke dick. I mean, I ran into that problem, but they usually. When you have coke dick, you can't even like, get hard. It's like fitting a Slinky into a hole, you know, it's not enjoyable for anyone. It's like a Rubik's cube you cannot solve. And it's frustrating. But, you know, that is hooking up with frat boys in college, that was like my whole college experience. You just bunch of coke dick left and right. Actually, it's been my post college experience too. You know, cocaine's quite the drug, but, you know, okay, this person asks, am I the asshole for ending up with a guy a friend had a situationship with? Yeah, you are an asshole. Actually, I still love you and thank you for writing in. But as we all know, situationships and the ending of them for any bitch, they hurt harder and stronger than the ending of even the longest of relationships. The key word in this is situationships. If you had even said relationship, I would even been like, eh. But like situationship, that is gutting and kind of rude and cruel. I mean, how close are you with this friend? I need more. I need more context. How close are you with this friend? How long was the situationship? What is your definition of a situationship? Mine is gaslighting, like the back and forth. Does he like me? Oh my God, he's coming over. Oh my God, he's not replying to me. Oh my God. I'm posting stories from. Oh my God, is he viewing my story? Oh my God. He's like, I'm only looking to see if he viewed my story. It's like a whole fucking clusterfuck of emotions that go from really high highs to really low. Lows and you're just venting about it to all your bitches and all your girlfriends. And if you were one of those bitches that your friend was venting to about this situationship, then I would say, yeah, you're 110% an asshole. I don't think I would do that. I don't even think I would get into a situationship with my enemy. It's just like one of those things where you just don't do. There's so much dick in the world. I'm looking at all the cameras. There is so much dick everywhere. I promise you there will be another man that will please you, that will make you finish than your friend's ex situationship period. Let's do another one. That one made me upset. Am I the asshole because I left my three and a half year relationship for the guy I told him to not worry about? I mean, like, not really. I mean, honestly, I feel like in situations like that you're doing them a favor. If it wasn't the guy that you told him not to worry about, it was going to be another guy. Because obviously you had wandering eyes. So I think in the long run you're doing that person a favor. Are you the asshole? He's gonna probably say you are. He's gonna tell all your friends and his mom and his sisters that you are a major asshole. But look at it this way, you did him a favor and now he can go off and not please other ladies and you can go off with the new man that you know seems to be cutting it. He wasn't cutting it. If he's not cutting it. Life is too short. Carpe diem. Sees the day, sees the dick. Okay? We're not getting any younger. We're not getting, you know, we're not getting it. We're not gonna be this hot in 20 years. We gotta figure it out. Get laid. Get that man. Get him now. And the guy will get over it, you know, he'll be fine. I don't think you're an for that. I think that is a super relatable experience. I feel like it's always the guy they tell, like, you know, it's always the person you tell him not to worry about. But he probably put that idea in your head anyways. He was like, do I have to worry about this guy? And you were like, no. But then you were like, wait, should he though? And then like, so blame him. It's his fault this person was over the relationship. And if you're even having conversations where like, they're like, should I be worried about this guy? You guys aren't in a good relationship. There's something that's already missing. Should I have to worry about another person? Would never be a conversation in a healthy and stable relationship that just like wouldn't come up at all. You'd be like there. That wouldn't, that thought would not enter your mind or his mind. So I'll, I'll say it again. Like, if it wasn't the guy he was like, should I worry about it would be a different guy. So I, I think that relationship was already over in her head at least. Am I the for crushing on my failed situationships roommate that I have more chemistry with? Situationship is a friend of mine and so is his roommate. No, it depends how long the situationship with. And honestly, if you're feeling go off who you have the most chemistry with, I don't think you're the at all. I think you should just like tell the other guy to kick rocks and say, hey, you weren't cutting it and like it. It is the. If the guy is. If the roommate's also giving you that same attention, that same vibe and the chemistry is there, then I would explore that. Because, you know, the other, the other relationship or situationship didn't work out. So why stop yourself from exploring something that would? Maybe it's fate. Maybe the stars were aligned. Maybe, maybe you were put in the other situationship's life to meet the roommate and that's how it's just supposed to happen. You can't control these things. You didn't pair them together as roommates. Things just happen. He can move out. He can move out. I suggest he move out. I think he should move in with you. No, I don't think you're the asshole at all. I think like, you know, chemistry is a strong thing. It's a powerful thing. But I don't think you should deny feelings or exploring something just because of a one month, you know, fling bender. Like it's a blip in the time space continuum. It doesn't really count. Yeah. In the grand scheme of things. So I say go for it. I would go for the roommate. I've gone for the roommate before. You know, I, I once was hooking up with two roommates and they didn't know about it and they were also on the same lacrosse team and that was bad. They found out eventually. But that was my freshman year. I feel like, oh, that was the good old days. The. I used to love the crossboys. So much. Like I couldn't stop myself from having chemistry with anyone on lacrosse team. I was having chemistry with everyone in Sigma Chi and everyone on lacrosse team. It was a you. But no, I think if you yeah, yes, period. Go for the roommate period. And if it doesn't work out, we'll find a new building. We'll find a new pair of roommates.

[Lily]

My name is Lily and I've had Hydradinitis Suprativa HS for years. I finally found some relief since taking Cosentix. Relief means I can show up more.

[Cosentyx Representative]

Cosentyx Secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe hydradenitis. Supra tiva don't use if you're allergic to Gosentyx before starting get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections, some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com Ask.

[Lily]

Your dermatologist about Cosentyx.

[T-Mobile Representative]

The Ego Power plus savings event is on at lows right now. Get a free select EGO 56 volt battery with purchase of select trimmer, blower or mower kit. That's a $299 value. Plus. Shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn, so get ready for spring with the latest in innovation from Ego, the number one rated brand in cordless outdoor power only at Lowe's we help you save. Offer valid through 416. Selection varies by location while supplies last.

[Hallie]

So some people have been dming me about sex and I love talking about sex. Guys. I feel like I need to talk about it more on here and they've been just asking me like what? What do I do if I'm hooking up with someone and the sex just like isn't getting better? And I think about this a lot because I always give guys three times to really like figure out if they're good and bad or not. I know when I first hook up with someone I'm not like eating their ass the first time and pulling out my craziest fucking tricks. The only thing I make sure I'm extremely good and really, really show up for is sucking dick the first time I hook up with someone I make sure that blowjob is Michelin star. I make sure I pull it all the stuff, tops. It's almost like. I call it, like, pick me head. Like you. It's the most pick me head ever. Because I. It's like, it's full service. Five stars, Michelin star, gorgeous, flawless, sloppiest, no teeth head you'll ever see in your whole entire life. I think that if you do that, a guy will always come back, because they'll be like, wow, that bitch was really good ahead. And at the end of the day, guys just want their dick sucked. They really do. That's all they care about, is getting a blow job. I swear, if you can master a good blow job, your life will be a tiny bit easier. Okay. I know it's a lot of work, and they don't call it a job for nothing. And you might need to stretch your neck. You might get some whiplash. But at the end of the day, if you can master a good blow job, he will text you eventually, whether it's a booty call or whatever, but he's gonna promise you he's gonna hit you up again. That's never steered me wrong. But, yeah, I would give it three tries because I feel like on the third try with someone, you can finally, like, build the courage to be a bit more communicative. Like, you can communicate what you like. They are communicating what they like. You can just tell based off, like, their body language and the way they're lifting their hips and flipping you upside down, swinging on the chandelier. You can just tell, like, what they're into. And then once you know what they're into and once they know what you're into, you can, like, lean into that instead of doing, like, all that extra shit that, like, no one cares about. Like, I know for me, like, when a guy tries to impress me with, like, too much, like, too many moves, I don't feel like you really need that many moves. Is that crazy to say? Like, I feel like either I'm starting in missionary or in cowgirl, and, like, I'm having a great time, and then I'm finishing a doggy strong. And, you know, I feel like other than that, like, I don't need anything like, suit. Like, sex can be really good in just those three positions. You know, have some good head in between that and, like, get, like, maybe change the scenery, maybe go on the kitchen counter, maybe go in the shower. But other than that, you don't need to make it too complicated. I feel like the More complicated. You make it the first time you're having sex with someone. Like, you're gonna, like, miss important cues. Like, listen to their body, listen to, like, you know, just, like, listen to those cues and, like, those physical cues and see what they like. But, yeah, I'm giving guys three tries. If by the third time, you still think he's, like, kind of if in bed and, like, not matching your freak or he's, like, too freaky for you. Not everyone's a crazy freak. Like, me. Like, for me, personally, Like, I love, like, like, rough sex talkative, you know, I just, like, love getting my absolute rocked. But, like, that's, like, a me problem. Not everyone likes that. Some people like, you know, the more intimate, romantic lovemaking stuff so that, like, if you're not, like, a physical match in that way, then you're gonna know right off the bat. But, yeah, I would give them at least three tries, if you think. I mean, for me, I try to give them three tries to see if they're boring in bed. I typically can tell off the first try if they're, like, gonna be a little bit of a freak or not. But you never know. I never know how much a freak they are until, like, they vocalize it really to, like, what they, like. Like, a guy's not gonna be like, eat my ass in the first hookup. And if they do, I don't know how I'd feel about that. If on the first time they were like, eat my ass. I'd be like, wait, what? Who are you? I barely know you. We just had dinner. But yeah, also, like, are they giving you head? That says a lot about a person. Is he going down on you? That shows, like, philanthropy. Is he a philanthropist? Is he generous as a person? Is he giving back to the community? Okay, you can tell a lot about a guy if he's going down on you or not. Like, is he a giver? Is he selfish? Does he just want his nut? Does he want you to finish? You can tell a lot about a person's character based off of these first three times you're having sex with them. So I would say give it three tries, and if by the third, you're still questioning it, he's not gonna fix. It's not gonna fix. I don't believe in, like, oh, you really have to train a guy to, like, be good at, like, no. Like, I really don't. Like, I don't have the time and energy to teach a guy how to do, like, I'm not teaching anyone how to like find my clip at the age of 27. That's insane to me. Maybe that's like okay to do when you're like in high school and college. Like guys are still learning. But I still find at the age of 27 that guys are still learning and I just don't care. Like it gives me the ick when I have to like tell a guy like, this is what you should be doing. Like, I don't want to do that with any man. They should know already. They should know. But like, maybe if you like have the time and energy to like train a guy, that's your prerogative. But for me personally, I. You will not catch me trying to lead a man to my clit. That's like, you know, leading a dog to water. I'm not gonna know. He should know. He should know that at this time in our age. Yeah, that's why I don't go for anyone that's even a month younger than me at this point. Because some of them still don't like, they don't know what they're doing. That's why what I was saying earlier, I was like, older guys, they know what they're doing because they've had more experience, unfortunately, they've had more experience and I'm mad at them for that, for getting with people before me. But they still have more experience, they know what they're doing. So it's usually just easier and like better. They like have better sex lives. Oh, more things about hooking up with guys after hookup. Are we cuddling? Are we cuddling after hookups, guys? Is that a thing? Because for me it really depends on a couple things. One, am I hammered? Because sometimes I can be like a lover when I'm hammered. I'll like get cozy right in like the little nook and like cosplay like a full blown relationship. But most of the time I feel like cuddling is something I try to stay away from just so I can protect my own heart, my own peace. Because if I'm cuddling with a man, you know, I'm like catching feelings if I'm kissing them goodbye. I probably have caught feelings if. Yeah, like do. Are we kissing like our one night stands goodbye, Is that a thing? Because I feel like you should not be doing that and cuddling is. It depends on the guy, I guess. But like I don't really like to cuddle in general. I'm a very physical touch person. Foreplay. But like after it's like I get post not clarity and I'm Like, I don't really want to be touched right now at all. Like, you're sweaty and gross. I'm sweaty and gross. Like, shower, and I'm gonna shower. Maybe we can shower together and then maybe we can, like, revisit the cuddling situation. But I mean, it depends. Maybe after the third hookup, maybe I'm cuddling if I like the guy. If I'm hooking up with someone like, like after the third time. Unless, like, they're just, like, a blatant booty call. I'm probably developing some sort of feelings. Probably after three times. Yeah. Okay, guys, that is all for this solo episode this week. I had so much fun. I always love doing these solos. I love hearing what you guys have to say, your input, your questions. So DM me if you want me to cover any topics, I promise I will get to every single topic. Because you're not getting rid of me. You're not getting in this podcast anytime soon. I'm here to stay. So anything you like, have a question on or want my opinion on anything, just please just write in to Extra Dirty or DM me. Personally, I try to look at all my dms, but other than that, thank you all for tuning in. This week I will be available to watch on YouTube as always and to listen on every other platform. I love you, you weird freaks. And yeah, goodbye.

[Lily]

My name is Lily and I've had Hydradinitis suprativa HS for years. I finally found some relief since taking Cosentyx. Relief means I can show up more.

[Cosentyx Representative]

Cosenty Secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe severe hydrativa. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections, some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough, had a vaccine or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema, like skin reactions, may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentix or cosentyx.com Ask.

[Lily]

Your dermatologist about Cosentyx. I'm sure you can relate to being in a bad relationship and feeling like there's something better out there. No, I'm not talking about your dating life. I'm talking about your home Internet. Right now with US Cellular, you can get fast home Internet for just $39.99 a month when bundled with a wireless plan. And it comes with a three year price lock guarantee so you don't have to worry about it changing on you after the honeymoon phase. So break up with your old expensive cable Internet and get us cellular. Make the switch today. Terms apply. Visit uscellular.com for details.

[Cosentyx Representative]

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[Hallie]

Day like that uncharted trail a stone's.

[Cosentyx Representative]

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[Lily]

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[Cosentyx Representative]

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[Hallie]

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