← Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
The drought is over & Sketchy September is back
00:52:37
The Extra Dirty Summer is over and get ready for an even filthier fall! This week, Hallie recaps fashion week and being out for every night for 10 days, how the drought is OVER and Hallie has officially been back on the horse (because afterall, it IS Sketchy September), and the ICKY message she got on Raya. Then Hallie plays a NAUGHTY game of would you rather & ends by answering your questions: s*x fantasies, throwing rocks at an ex's car, & why all men will rue! DM me or Extra Dirty with any of your dying questions so we can answer them on the pod. Love you freaks!!
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Transcript101 lines
- [00:00]
Jeff Bridges
Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.
- [00:02]
Dana
Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?
- [00:05]
Jeff Bridges
Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So, Dana.
- [00:12]
Dana
Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.
- [00:24]
Jeff Bridges
Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.
- [00:31]
Hallie
Nice.
- [00:32]
Dana
Je free.
- [00:32]
ExxonMobil Announcer
You heard them.
- [00:33]
TV Show Promoter
T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.
- [00:40]
Jeff Bridges
So what are we having for lunch?
- [00:42]
Dana
Dude, my work here is done.
- [00:44]
T Mobile Announcer
The 24 month bill credit experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credit send and balance due. If you pay off earlier, Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence Data 182025 Visit t mobile.com ABC Wednesday.
- [01:02]
TV Show Promoter
Shifting gears is back. He has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.
- [01:09]
ExxonMobil Announcer
What what?
- [01:10]
TV Show Promoter
With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.
- [01:15]
Graydon
Hey buddy.
- [01:16]
TV Show Promoter
A big home improvement reunion welcome.
- [01:21]
Graydon
Oh boy, that guy's a tool.
- [01:23]
TV Show Promoter
Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.
- [01:31]
Hallie
You can't just eat anyone's ass. It depends whose ass it is.
- [01:33]
Graydon
I feel like I would eat anyone's ass.
- [01:36]
Hallie
That's disgusting.
- [01:38]
Graydon
Like, well, like in my bed. I don't like be like, oh, you get your ass eaten. You don't. I'm like Oprah with ass eating. What up, you little freaks? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys. I had every intention of staying in last night. Buenos dias, everyone. Welcome back to Extra Dirty. Apologies for the way I appear right now. My eyes are under a little bit of construction. I'm in the process of getting lasik. I'm getting that done next week and I'm like a little scared because I watched them do it while I was sitting in the doctor's office today, like doing my pre op thing and oh my God, they like. It looks like peeling an egg. It looks like skinning a grape. And I'm Kind of nervous, but I literally can't see anything. And we've talked about this a few times, a few episodes. My eyesight is quickly declining fast, so I'm gonna be out next week. Well, I'm gonna have an episode next week, but I'm gonna be. I don't know what the recovery looks like. I hear it's very simple and easy. Graydon said he's gotten it done before, but I'm looking forward to be able to see. To see people, to see men. Although I haven't seen a hot guy in the longest time. I was thinking about. Someone asked me that the other day, and they were dead serious. They were like, when was the last time you saw, like, a really, really attractive man? And I was like, I genuinely can't think of the last time. And I don't know if it's because my eyes are bad or because they're all hibernating somewhere in the city, but, like, even walking down the street, going out at nighttime, I don't see Hawkeyes, and it's becoming an epidemic, but hopefully it's an eyesight issue. And not that there's no hot men left in New York City, because then I'm gonna have to move. But anyways, I am just coming off the bender that is Fashion Week. I want to recap that a little bit before getting into everything else. Fashion Week, Holy. I feel like I got in the ass. That's what it feels like Fashion Week is. It was chaos and a lot of it. You know, I was out every single day for the past 10 days. And will I be going out tonight? Yes, because Graydon's in town. But, oh, my God, it took maybe years off my life. And I feel like I hoard myself out because this was the first Fashion Week that I'm, like, actually attending things, doing front row at things, and just, like, kind of immersing myself in the whole Fashion Week process. Fashion Week, it kind of felt like, you know, everyone's back from European Summer. Everyone's back from their east coast, you know, whatever, Hamptons, Nantucket, whatever you vacation, everyone's back. So it kind of feels like the first week back to college, you know, everyone has their nice blowout. They just got their color done. It even feels like their seniors, juniors, sophomores in a freshman class in the influencer world. Like, there's different parties, There are different friend groups. There's things that some people can't go to. There's, you know, there's ring. I don't know. It feels like a Lot of fucking shit going on at once. Feels like orientation. But damn, the amount of parties. People were like, there were just like, there were some days where I was going to five things in one day. And why was I whoring myself out like that? And there's a whole argument to our influencers ruining fashion Week. And like, maybe because sometimes some of those events I was sitting there being like, I love fashion, but like, why am I here? I feel like there's people that are like, way more in the fashion world that are like a lot more deserving to be at these things. Yes, I love going to the events. I love meeting new people. But, you know, I think there's an argument for maybe influencers maybe are ruining that space because I was sitting there at some of those things being like, what the fuck am I doing here? But it was fun. I have no regrets. I just feel like maybe it took years off my life. But that's just September in general here. It's like a nonstop party. I feel like it's gonna be a non stop bender. And my birthday's the 30th of September. I'm turning 28. So until I cross that finish line, that is my birthday, I am gonna party and not feel any guilt around it. Like someone said to me the other day, being like, I cut out drinking for a little bit and then I reintroduced it, but I just didn't feel like it was that fun when I cut out drinking and I was like, I don't think it would be that fun to do that. Like, why would I stop myself from going out and just like ripping it while I still can? Like, I only look like this once. You know, I took four days off drinking once and I didn't feel a difference. I was bored. It was lackluster. Nothing happened. What else happened in the past couple weeks? Oh, I got laid. Which I feel like is so important because I was like hitting a six month drought and I feel like I was dying. Like, I was paler in a summertime. I feel like there was blood being sucked out of my body because there was no men in my life and I just needed a warm body on top of me. I don't care who it was, but I ended up meeting this really hot guy, which I told this story on Tick Tock. I met this beautiful man and he was so hot. Arguably out of my league. Probably not, actually. No, he wasn't out of my league. He was fine, gorgeous, beautiful, but like, almost too beautiful. And there's an argument there where men are too beautiful. And they don't have to try that hard at anything because we hooked up and I was kind of, like, underwhelmed, I guess the word, without, like, getting into too much detail. But I was just kind of like, okay. And, like, we talked for way too long, and it was a Sunday night, and I was like, I'm exhausted. I just did the whole fashion week thing. It was like, the last night. And I was like, listen, I just want to have sex. What are we even talking about? We taught. We covered every topic we could possibly cover. And then it got down to karate. And I started showing him my karate moves because he asked. It should never get to me, showing any man kata or my karate moves. That is not how you woo a man. And I am shocked I even remember my karate moves, to be honest. But it was good. I'm glad I got that out of my system. And I feel like I go through phases. Like, when it rains, it pours. So, like, I just feel like the men will come now because I go through droughts where it's, like, very dry. But then once I break with, like, the seal with one man, that's when I enter the ho era, what I call sketchy September. And I plan on being extremely sketchy this September. I want to be juggling as many balls as possible. And I mean that literally, But I feel like I deserved it. Like, I didn't hook up with a single soul this summer. And that's not like me. My friends were starting to worry. It was affecting my mood and my temperature. I was becoming an extra cunt, a mega cunt, a cuntasaurus, if you will. But here we are. Here we're back. And what else? I feel like I covered pretty much everything I needed to cover, that is this month. Graydon's in town. Thank God. We are both, like, kind of depressed. I get seasonal depression. He gets seasonal depression. He gets really emo when summer ends, and I don't blame him. I don't like change, especially seasonal change. I get nostalgic and depressed, and I associate summer to fall as going back to school, AKA the fun is over, AKA I have to go do real life shit now. And I can't have fun, and I can't have a beautiful tan and glisten gorgeous skin. So I just feel like there's a lot of negative feelings that go into, like, this season, going into fall. But I love the fall. It's my birthday month and arguably, like, a beautiful month or the best time to be in New York. I feel like everyone's alive and back and ready to rip it. But then, like, I miss Nantucket. But my parents are coming next week to the city after my surgery and we're gonna go shopping. Hopefully I can see the clothing.
- [10:11]
TV Show Promoter
Are there things that you need to check off the Sketchy September list? Like, gotta hook up, gotta do this.
- [10:19]
Graydon
Sketchy September is all about hooking up with people and saying yes to every opportunity. Even if that puts you in a sketchy situation. Okay, that is Sketchy September. It may be saying yes. Everything is something that they teach you not to do. That's what your parents tell you not to do. Don't talk to strangers. I say talk to strangers. Embrace the strangers. Even with open arms and open legs. But don't have many sleepovers. Travel for dick. I feel like that's always part of good. A good sketchy September. I will be traveling for dick this September. If that opportunity is presented. I will be saying yes to a lot of dates. I don't say yes to dates typically ever, because it gets me in like, weird predicaments. But weird predicaments is the foundation of Sketchy September. And you know what Sketchy September does for us? It gives us lore. It teaches us life lessons. It gives us the stories to tell our grandkids when we're older. If you decide to have grandkids, I don't know what you are doing, but I feel like that's the fun in it all. Like, I had the sketchiest September last year and it provided me so much content and I don't regret a fucking thing. Will it cost me a couple years of therapy? Probably. Did it cost me some emotional baggage in wounds? Probably. But they're great stories to tell. I got a lot of stories out of that one, actually. So, yeah, that's exactly what I will be doing this year. Will we be having sleepovers? No. Unless I'm blacked out. We know how we feel about sleepovers. We don't do them. That's why going to his is easier than kicking a man out of your bed. Because sometimes it's hard to be creative when you're coming up for an excuse for that. Although I did both this past week, I will say it was not one guy, it was two. And I'm proud of that. But one was a repeat and we love to recycle. It's good for the environment. But both cases, one was at my apartment and the other was at a hotel room. I left right after the deed was done. I couldn't been out there quicker. And then the second one, when he came to my apartment, he said, peace. And I said, oh, you're leaving. And he's like, what do you want to cuddle? And I said, I like, this is why I like you. This is why I like you. Get out of here. Scram. I might have said scram, but this is one of my friends, so it's fine. Anyways, what else? I just feel like, yeah, that's sketchy September. And I'm like, just down to get down. And I need. Need that for my own sanity or for my insanity. You know what this fall also is about? It's not flaking on plans. I will say that's been my biggest pet peeve recently. I could have a broken limb, and I will still make that fucking dinner plan, even if it kills me. Even, like, if I look like the blood is drained out of my body. I hate a flaky, like, be a woman of your word, okay? If I have time to make the commitment, you should have time to make the commitment. And don't flake last minute. I rarely flake, and I only flake when it's like I have no other option. But I feel guilt. Like, some people just flake for us, like a fucking hobby. Like, that's so rude, in my opinion. Don't be a flaky whore. Anyways, I just needed to get that off my chest. Although I do cancel on dates all the time. I will say I got this. I've been getting a lot of gms people. I've been getting people ask me on dates, but this is a hot take. I got this one the other day, and I don't know how I feel about it, and I'm gonna read it. And I love when men are assertive. But, like, I don't know, maybe it's me. There's such thing as too assertive. Like a match with this guy, and he goes, I'll see you this weekend for drinks. What's the best number for me to tell you where to meet me? It's like, what, babe? What? You're not telling me what to do already. It seems like almost like demanding and controlling. Like, I get what he's trying to do there, and he's. He thought he ate with that. He did not eat with that, and I will not eat with you. Okay, if that's how you're gonna talk to me. But I get some woman like that, I'm like, oh, wow, he's taking charge. Like, he's really leading. He's such a man. That's so masculine and hot. No, babe, like, what if I have a blowout that night? Like. Or like, what if I have a nail appointment? You're not telling me how to rearrange my schedule. I'm not meeting anywhere. What happened to hi, hello? It can kind of come off as like, arrogant. Is that the right word? Like, get your arrogant ass out of my face. But I mean, I guess you can tell me where to meet you if you're paying for dinner. You know, there's definitely a balance. And maybe this is why I'm single. Because I would. I, like, wouldn't. I did not like that text and I almost unmatched them. I'm just going through my Raya matches. I've been matching with a lot of 23 year olds and I'm turning 28 this month and I need to stop because that's not good for me.
- [15:50]
Jeff Bridges
Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.
- [15:52]
Dana
Jeff Bridges. Why are you still living above our garage?
- [15:55]
Jeff Bridges
Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you. Teach me. So. Dana.
- [16:01]
Dana
Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly. At T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.
- [16:13]
Jeff Bridges
Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.
- [16:21]
Graydon
Nice.
- [16:21]
Dana
Jeffrey, you heard them.
- [16:22]
TV Show Promoter
T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.
- [16:29]
Jeff Bridges
So what are we having for launch?
- [16:31]
Dana
Dude, my work here is done.
- [16:33]
T Mobile Announcer
The 24 month bill, credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers. Plus tax and $35 device connection charge credit sending balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1929.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Ocliffe Speed Test Intelligence data 1H 2025 visit t mobile.com Meeting.
- [16:50]
Graydon
New people just got way more fun. Because now you don't have to do it alone. With Tinder's new double date feature, you and your bestie can match together. Tap the double date icon to see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off. Scope the profiles, send memes, keep the chat fun. Hype each other up, flirt a little, maybe plan a hang. It's always better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder Double date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Okay, let's do a segment. Sex. Let's talk about sex. Guys. We haven't talked about sex. And like, actually, I was just talking about how I got the other night. But, like, let's talk. Let's talk about sex. Let's have a sexy segment. We talk about sex. Sexy, raunchy topics. Let's do a sex. Would you rather. And I'll do it with myself. I'm on a solo mission here. Would I only choose one positive one? Sorry, I am blind, so bear with me. Only choose one position forever or never do your favorite position ever again. I would ride dick forever. That's my favorite position. I like to be on top. I like to be dominant. I would miss doggy because you can, like, text and sometimes like, text or like whatever's on the tv. You know, you can get other things done while you're in doggy. But, you know, I can only really. I feel like the. There's a 99 chance I'm finishing while I'm on top, and I can't give that up because it's just more difficult in taxing in other positions. So that's what I would do. One of every five dicks doesn't get hard or you don't get wet, there's a solution. I would choose not getting wet, which sometimes happens if I'm like, on crazy substances. You know what happens sometimes? But I would rather not get wet and then just use lube or something in my bedside drawer. If there's a will, there's a way. And I'm creative. Okay, so just use lube or something. Not water lube or spit or something. But sometimes my mouth can't get dry, and that's a whole other thing. I always have lube handy, though. Sometimes I even put it in my purse when I go out. Yeah, it's always my travel on. Because you never know. You never know. Next fart during 69 or he farts during 69. I once was hugging with this guy and he finished and, like, farted the whole time. He finished and he couldn't stop because he wasn't going to stop one of them. And it was so embarrassing for him. And I, like, made it known that it was really embarrassing. But then I dated him for three years, so it wasn't that embarrassing. We got over it. It was kind of like a funny joke that we had with one another. But I don't know, would I fart or he fart? Probably Me, because I don't want that shit in my fucking face. I'll get pink eye. I have enough eye problems as is. You think I want pink eye on top of that from a man? No, I'd rather ifr and just deal with the embarrassment after, but hopefully the situation would never happen. Okay, next. Never be able to have sex while drunk or only be able to have sex during the day. I don't know. Probably only be able to have sex during the day. I mean, I have blackout shades. I prefer, like, it to be dimly lit. Like, I don't really want to see all their, like, fucking weird facial expressions while they're grunting and moaning and like, all that. But you know, drunk sex is so fun. I know that's like really toxic and bad to say, but like, I just. In my wild self, I turn into a porn. Like a porn star when I'm having sex. When I'm drunk. I would miss that. But people are sober all the time and I guess they have sober sex. I just get all self conscious. Maybe that's something I need to go over in therapy. I don't know. But yeah, definitely sex during the day, but like, whatever. Only have cookies forever or only have marathon sex forever. Every time I have sex, I try to make it a marathon. Although cookies are hot sometimes in like, public settings. But probably marathon sex burns a lot of calories. It's a workout. It's. You finish more than once. I feel like marathon sex is the clearance. Are here quickies you're not finishing? Rarely. I don't like that. A quickie means he's finishing quickly. And that's just not the vibes. Those are not the sketchy September vibes that were on, ladies and gentlemen. Hook up with someone who dirty talks way too much or someone who never makes a sound. I prefer dirty talk over everything. I hooked up with this guy the other day, guys. The guy just mentioned I could hear a fucking pin drop in there. And that's one of the reasons why I deemed it to be maybe not that good. Because, like, I. It was just after so much talking and maybe that's why he didn't want to talk. But, like, I was doing some talking and he was just like, kind of staring at me like a deer in the headlights. And I was like, what the f is this? What is happening? And I kept being like, oh, my God, what is going on? Like, in my head? And he would kind of like, stare at me as he's like, pumping into me and just be like, I just like looking at you. That's all he would say. And I was like, oh, thank you. It was really awkward, honestly. And I don't like that. So I'd rather dirty talk. I love a guy that talks you through it and like a fun, flirty banter. Always fun, always enjoyable. And I feel like when a guy talks, like, helps you, like, get to the finish line, you know, Dirty talk is good. We like dirty talk, but not like baby talk. We've talked about how I have a disdain towards baby talk. Like the Goo Goo Gaga, my widow peony. Going into Woo Woo. I don't what the fuck is going on here. We don't like that. Oh, it's freeing up so much ptsd. We don't like that. Have amazing foreplay but bad sex or skip foreplay but have amazing sex. Skip foreplay and have amazing sex. Because you don't really need foreplay if everything's getting chucked off in amazing sex. Like you were finishing. Everything's getting touched. It's rough, it's fun. He's talking, you're doing all the positions. It's long enough. You finish multiple times, he finishes multiple times. You're hanging from the chandelier. I'd rather that over a guy going down on me and finger blasting me. Like, what is this, the third grade? Okay, maybe seventh grade. The tenth grade. I don't. No, don't quote me on that. I feel like it's kind of hard to finish when a guy is going down on you. A lot of people agree with me on that. I mean, I can. The first time I ever finished was when that happened. But it's not for everyone. Sleep with someone who's way too hairy or someone that's completely hairless. I've hooked up with some really hairy men and I will say it's sometimes hard to navigate the balls when everything's really hairy. I don't know, it depends on your preference. I prefer hairless and balds. I like to keep myself like that. I don't mind if a guy has a little hair. But like, now I'm picturing completely waxed and bald. I don't know if I would like that either. It's very porn star esque. Sometimes I watch porn and I'm like really freaked out by how hairless people are. But then again, like, you can't have the best of both worlds. But like, if it were to be completely bald between the hairiest bush I've ever seen, like, I don't want to be flossing either. So let's go with bald. Neither are ideal, though. We're all human. Accidentally call them the wrong name during sex or have them call you the wrong name. I've been in both situations. Sometimes I'll like, completely forget who I'm on top of. Like, if I'm really blacked out. That hasn't happened since college. I've like, hopefully evolved a little bit since then, but I have completely forgot if it's like a dark enough room. Like, I'm like, wait, who am I on top of? Like, what is going on here? And I know what you're gonna. You whoreless wench. You are a. Or you fatherless whoreless wench. Wait, now what am I trying to say? You fatherless whore wench. Yes. Maybe in those situations I would agree with you, but guys have called me the wrong name too. Like, my name's not Sarah, babe. Or the worst is when you call them your ex's name. I've had that happen to me on both sides. I mean, it's not ideal, but like, we're all human. It happens best of us. If that happened to me in a sober situation, I'd be a lot more mad. Mad. But also it's a good excuse to pick a fight. And sometimes that's fun too. Only hook up with people who store after sex or only hook up with people who cry after sex. Snore. I mean, snoring is completely normal. Crying is diabolical and, like, weird. Like, I once gave a guy a blow job in Miami and he cried after. And I was like, what are we doing here? I do not subscribe to whatever's going on here. And he was talking about his ex. He was really rich, so I like, kind of gave him the benefit of the doubt. But I was like, first you couldn't get your debt card and now you're crying about your fucking ex. And I'm like, cradling you, consoling you about your ex. And we're naked in my bed and I'm the big spoon. It was a horrible situation, but I never saw him again. But yeah, definitely a snorer I can get rid of. Like, I'll wear AirPods, or like, we'll have a two bedroom because hopefully you're rich. There's ways around that. Or like, we can set you a sleep therapist. Maybe you have sleep apnea. I can't have crying though. Why? Like, grow the fuck up. Why are you crying? He is too big or too small. I'd rather him be too big. Too small. I just can't Marry. There's nothing we can do there. Too big. There's things we could do there. I can work with too big. I can't work with too small. There's no if, ands, buts, and in betweens about it. I don't even know if that's a real saying. But, like, I don't know. People say there's no such thing as too big. I've definitely experienced too big. Like, there is such thing. Like that Rice, the episode from Sex and the City where Samantha's like, is it in yet? And she has to, like, smoke a fucking joint and, like, be high to take the dick. Like, that's what I would do. I would put my vagina on some CBD bullshit, some CBD lube, and just. I would wear it. I would train my punani to handle the big dick, but the small dick, I just don't think I would able. I don't know. There's nothing you can do about either. And I'm not one to come for a man's anatomy because I manipulate mine all the time. You know, These tits are fake, as we know, and I change them every fucking month. They're like wheels at this point. But, you know, maybe if it's too small, we could put a prosthetic. Or you could just rail me with a dildo. We could make it work either way. Or we just go our separate ways. Okay. Accidentally FaceTime your grandma during a hookup or a puke on his dick during a blowjob. I think I've done both. I'm not even kidding. I've definitely thrown up on a dick, although I don't really have a gag reflex. I think I was just really up. But it was. Honestly, it turned out to be like, extra lube. It, like, made the blow job better. And he had no idea. But I had an idea, and it was in the shower. This is actually not too long ago, but, like, I was definitely gagging on this man's dick, but he was, like, loving. It makes a guy. Like when you gag on a guy's dick even. I even, like, add gagging noises sometimes just for sound effect. Because guys love feeling like you're like, they're way too big for you to handle. Even if that's not the case, I pretend like I'm choking on that shit all the time, even if I'm not. Even if they're too small. Even, like, you just, like, add theatrics and they feel like the fudgeing, man. And then they'll finish, and then you're done with the blowjob and you can get that shit done with. And then next, I accidentally was having sex once to the next point. Have a FaceTime. My grandma. No, not my grandma, but I once, like, you know how you can send voice notes over Instagram? Dm? I once sent a fan or someone that followed me, like a voice, like a two minute voice note of me having sex with the guy. And they were like, what the is going on? Also, once I accidentally sent a voice note of me, like, literally using my vibrator masturbating to like guy friend group of mine on accident over Instagram. Dm. Instagram and DM is dangerous. I swear they have it out for me. That's why I put always have my phone on do not disturb now. And that shit's far away from me or even turn it off. So now the next time I'm on dnd, who knows what I'm up to? Okay, next, your man's kink is role play as Shrek and Fiona Parentheses ogre versions. Thank you for that clarification forever. Or only be able to role play as animals. I feel like I role play as animals anyways. When I'm having sex, it's very animalistic and fun. I don't think I get on board with the Shrek and Fiona stuff. I feel like the green dye would get on my sheets. I don't know if I want to with wigs like that. I don't know if I'd like that. I would try that once. I want to get more into role play when I have a significant other because I just, like, want to try everything. I think I would do Shrek and Fiona once. I'm not going to lie. But like, I don't think I could do that forever. That sounds like a lot of fucking work. Imagine you just want to fudge your husband and he's like, put on the wig, babe. I would be like, I am tired. We have children. We have children to cater to. I don't have time to paint my whole body and put on the wig. How do Shaq and Fiona even talk? I haven't watched that movie in a long time. Isn't it a kids movie? There's a lot of things going on that's wrong with the picture. But I would choose animals and I would choose rabid wolves forever. Okay, next one. Accidentally send a sex to Owen Thiel or accidentally send a sex to Grace o'. Malley. Honestly, I would do either of these with my full chest. I feel like if I Sent a sex to Owen Thiel. He would like reply, not even question it, and like sex me back and be like, I'm into this. And then we'd have like a full blown conversation, even if it was an accident. I feel like me and Owen would just be sexing it up until I'd be like, wait, what the are you doing, babe? Like, what are we doing here? But I wouldn't have scaries about that because Owen is my king and I love him. And like, he would think that was the funniest thing ever and give it back to me a little bit. It honestly might turn me on. If I sent his sex to Grace o'. Malley, I know exactly what her reply would be. She'd be like, dude, this is totally not meant for me. Like, who's. Who are you sending this to? And then she'd probably guess like three boys that she's seen me out in public with. And then she'd be like, lol, no problem @ all. And I wouldn't feel scariest about sending sex to Grace either. She'd be like, get it? Honestly, period. Grace would support it. Owen would support it. Love them both dearly. And I, I would rather send sex to either of these people than to like Alex. Alex would be like, what the. And I'd be like, oh, scary. That would be scary. Hopefully knock on one. That never happens. Hopefully I never accidentally sex anyone. That's all for this sexy little segment. That was really fun. And honestly, why don't we do that segment? More production. Marshall. I like that segment. That's really fun.
- [33:08]
TV Show Promoter
Dancing with the Stars is back. Tuesdays, the celebrity dance competition and social media phenomenon returns with an electrifying new cast, including wildlife conservationist Robert Irwin. Social media personality Alex Earle, stars of the secret lives of Mormon wives Jen Affleck and Whitney Levitt and more join hosts Alfonso Ribeiro and Julianne Hough for a season premiere guaranteed to pump up the jam. Who will win the coveted Len Goodman mirrorball trophy? Watch new episodes of Dancing with the Stars live Tuesdays at 8, 7 Central on ABC and Disney next day on Hulu.
- [33:39]
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- [34:11]
Graydon
Now. I'm gonna face some Graydon because he's literally like in my bed right now cradled up like a little ball and he just texted me that he's hammered. So like I'm trying to see like what he's doing. Hi. Hi. How are you? Are you drunky little.
- [34:27]
Hallie
Is there a problem?
- [34:29]
Graydon
No, there's no problem. I can't see anything. I'm recording right now. It gets a bit blurry and I can see. Would you rather accidentally send a sex to Grace or Owen Thiel?
- [34:51]
Hallie
Probably just because I don't want to see like any women seeing my. Probably Owen.
- [34:58]
Graydon
Owen would probably reply and be like, period.
- [35:01]
Hallie
He'd probably call me and be like, I got your tax, like love.
- [35:05]
Graydon
I'm coming over. Yeah. Yeah.
- [35:12]
Hallie
Would you rather send a nude to your grandma or your dad?
- [35:20]
Graydon
My grandma, she. Her eyesight's worse than mine, so maybe like she wouldn't be able to like appreciate all the angles. Like I would never. In what world would I want to send a nude accidentally to my father?
- [35:37]
Hallie
My friend did that one.
- [35:38]
Graydon
Would you. Would you rather send a nude to Alex or Matt?
- [35:47]
Hallie
Probably Alex.
- [35:49]
Graydon
Yeah, no brainer.
- [35:51]
Hallie
Cuz that that would get a little sticky. I want to keep drinking.
- [36:02]
Graydon
They're holding me hostage in here. I'm sweating.
- [36:06]
Hallie
It's so hot in here too.
- [36:08]
Graydon
I'm talking about hairy ball sack. Would you rather suck on a hairy penis or like a bleached sack?
- [36:16]
Hallie
Bleach.
- [36:17]
Graydon
Yeah.
- [36:19]
Hallie
What do you mean?
- [36:20]
Graydon
Like they bleach their ass and it's all bald and stuff you.
- [36:24]
Hallie
Oh, I thought you said bleach sack.
- [36:26]
Graydon
Yeah, I did.
- [36:29]
Hallie
I would rather. Well, first of all, a dick can only get too hairy because it doesn't like grow to the tip. I'm probably gonna go for the bush, honestly.
- [36:38]
Graydon
You like flossing like that?
- [36:41]
Hallie
Yeah, like I don't. You can't just eat anyone's ass. It depends whose ass it is.
- [36:46]
Graydon
I feel like I would eat anyone's ass.
- [36:48]
Hallie
That's disgusting.
- [36:50]
Graydon
Like, well, like in my bed, I don't like be like, oh, you get your ass eaten. You don't. I'm not like, I'm like Oprah with ass eating.
- [37:00]
Hallie
If you want to eat someone's ass, you have to do like a full background check. Like you can't just go in there.
- [37:06]
Graydon
Why?
- [37:08]
Hallie
Because you never know. Some people are just weird.
- [37:11]
Graydon
Well, maybe like the guys you get with. No, specifically the street guys, because they're not as cleanly.
- [37:20]
Hallie
They don't know. They don't sound like the gays. Like, they don't, they don't power washing their holes.
- [37:26]
Graydon
Do you douche?
- [37:29]
Hallie
No. I don't get.
- [37:31]
Graydon
Oh, forgot you're not a bottom.
- [37:35]
Hallie
Yeah.
- [37:36]
Graydon
Wait, these questions are, these questions are funny. Would you rather role play Shrek and Fiona for the rest of your life or role play as animals for the rest of your life?
- [37:48]
Hallie
As animals? Yeah, Shrek and Fiona. Because they can actually talk.
- [37:57]
Graydon
That's actually good point.
- [37:59]
Hallie
Or else I'd be going around like talking.
- [38:01]
Graydon
I know, but like shucking Fiona. Imagine you have children and like you have to like, like before you every time you would have to put the wigs on, the crown on. You would have to like cover your whole body in green PA instead of just, instead of just like mooing.
- [38:30]
Hallie
So they have to dress up. But if you role play an animal, you don't have to drop dress up as the animal.
- [38:36]
Graydon
Well, it could be easier. Just like tack on a butt plug. Like with a tail. You could be like a lion.
- [38:43]
Hallie
True.
- [38:44]
Graydon
Once I bought, almost bought a butt plug that had a tail in it. Okay, let me wrap this up. I feel like this is funny and like I'm gonna keep it in the episode. Do you have anything else to say.
- [38:57]
Hallie
Now?
- [38:58]
Graydon
Hurry up. Okay, I will continue. Bye.
- [39:05]
TV Show Promoter
Dancing with the Stars is back. Tuesdays, the celebrity dance competition and social media phenomenon returns with an electrifying new cast, including wildlife conservationist Robert Irwin. Social media personality Alex Earle, stars of the secret lives of Mormon wives Jen Affleck and Whitney Levitt and more. Join hosts Alfonso Ribeiro and Julianne Hough for a season premiere guaranteed to pump up the jam. Who will win that coveted Len Goodman mirrorball trophy? Watch new episodes of Dancing with the Stars live Tuesdays at 8, 7 Central on ABC and Disney. Next day on Hulu.
- [39:38]
Hallie
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- [39:53]
Graydon
So you can text an insta talk.
- [39:55]
Hallie
And say, you won't believe where I am.
- [39:59]
T Mobile Announcer
T Mobile has the best mobile Network in the US based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data 1H.
- [40:04]
Graydon
2025C T mobile.com network okay, let's do our next segment. Let's talk about. I want to do a classic Q and A. I haven't done one of these in a really Long time. These are always good. Whether that's sex related questions, whether that's just, like, personal get to know me questions. You know, there's a lot of lore behind these eyes, these eyes that don't work. And I can't see right now. But next week I will have celebrity eyes. And I want everyone to be clocked in when that happens. First question. Have you. What's a sex fantasy you have. You have and have never done? Most sex fantasies I've completed, I will say I feel like there's a couple role play situations that I haven't, like, done. Like, I've had a threesome. Like, I've done the massage. I used to love the massage room sex. And I would reenact it with, like, one of my boyfriends. I've done the bdsm. I've gotten tied up, blindfolded, you know, slap spanked, spit on the whole nine yard. I've done everything I wanted to do in that space. But, like, I really haven't tapped into, like, real role play where, like, I've, you know, met a guy with a, at a bar, like, done a wig, done, like a full, like, bust down, like, outfit that just seems like a lot of work. And I don't know if I would do that with like, a random ass guy. I would say, like, getting on a desk of like, a guy that had, like a high power position at a company, like, in the middle of the day would be like a fantasy. And I've never done that. I like, love the idea of, like, getting caught. That's always fun. But then if I were to get caught, like, I don't know if I'd like that give me anxiety. But like, the thought of getting caught, hot. That's why I used to have sex, like, in the bathroom of clubs all the time. But that was during my, like, really insane era. But, like, I don't think I could get away with that now. I don't think you can, like, do that like, at Zero Bond. I think I would get kicked. Like, my membership would get revoked. We don't want that. But I'm sure people have done that. The Zero Bond bathroom, because they do have single stalls and they're roomy. I will say, why do guys go on dates? And they say they're not ready to date because men are insecure and they want validation from woman to make themselves feel better. Because men like their egos getting stroked. And I'm not, like, a man hater. This is just all what my mom taught me. A man, like, Needs this ego stroke to like function. And I don't know if that's society's fault or what, but like they need them. Like they need us telling oh, you're amazing. Oh, like blah, blah, like giving them attention and then they just pull away. I also think that we live in a world where men, because of social media and just dating apps, etc, they have a lot more options than I think our parents did. You know, our parents used to meet their significant others organically, where they'd go out, get their number, leave it on their voicemail machine or whatever, the send smoke signals. I don't even know what the was going on, but I just feel like we live in a day and age where everyone has options. And I also think porn has affected it. Like people have this like idea that like all women are like, are supposed to like not only porn. I also think social media, there's a lot of Instagram baddies out there and I think it's kind of warped a guy's skew on like. I just feel like they think that they could always achieve something better or get something better and that there's just so many options. I don't think necessarily it's a you problem, it's them problem. And remember that men's frontal lobes are way more underdeveloped than ours, which means they're a lot more emotionally immature. Which is why you should go older. I always say emotionally, men are seven years younger than us. So if you're 24 and you're dating a 24 year old, I'm not going to do the math. But you can do the math. You're basically dating someone that's 18, okay? And we don't need that. So if you're 24d, 31 year old, why am I making the math hard when I could making it like 23 and 30, you know what I mean? Anyways, that would be my answer to that. Have you ever imagined someone else while you're sleeping with someone? Yes. That was the quickest answer I've ever had. I even imagine people when I'm like alone. Is that normal? Like when you're like masturbating and you like picture someone to like help you really get across that finish line to make it really pow. I do that. But yeah, I do this all the time. Like most times I'm picturing someone else. No, that's not true. If I'm like really into a guy, like I'm picturing them and like it's amazing. But like if I'm Getting over a guy that I'm not ready to get over. I'm probably picturing the guy I'm not over with the guy I'm using to get over the guy I'm not over, if that makes any sense. It's bad. It's not good. But that's the honest truth, in my opinion. And I don't lie. Am I the found and threw rocks in my ex boyfriend's car when I figured he was a new girl in my city? This is a canon event. We. I think we've all been there. I mean, I have a couple more questions. Like, were you guys broken up? Did he break up with you? And then he started dating the new girl and then he found out. That's not okay. We can't be damaging people's property and catching cases out here because it's not worth it. And you could get in a lot of trouble for that. But, like, have I ever taken revenge on an ex? Not to this magnitude, but I've. Yeah, we all have our girl moments and that's okay. But, like, I wouldn't, like, damage his expensive property because, you know, we don't want to be paying for it at the end of the day either. I'm gonna keep that anonymous because I don't want you catching a case out here. But no, it happens to the best of us. Girl, I'm with you. Next. I used to hook up with a guy all the time and loved it. Now men repulse me. What the fuck? Maybe you're gay, Maybe you like puss. But like, men repulse me too, but I'm just not on the puss train. I can't hop on it. Puss, puss. It's just not a train I want to hop on yet. Like, I've dipped my toe in the puss, but I. I can't fully commit to the puss. I haven't done that a long time either. And it was like, as I said, for the male gaze, like, you know, experimenting with girls is fun. Try it or don't try it. But like, I go through phases all the time where I hate men. They're disgusting human beings most of the time. And they shall all rue. They will rue for eternity in days to come. And they piss me the off, these men. I want to, like, get inside their brains and, like, get in the folds of it all and just be like, what is wrong with these creatures? Like, who taught you to act like this? They all need their shit slapped, like, right out of them backhanded. Sometimes not that I condone that, but I'll look the other way if that's what you choose to do, sis. My sex drive is way higher than my boyfriend's. Dump him. That's what happened with my ex. He had no sex drive. It was like I was trying to fuck a potato. I was like, what is happening? I was like, is this thing on? I used to beg to suck his dick. And I think he was like, probably gay. But if you're begging anyone to fuck in your mid-20s or you're begging anyone to suck them sideways in their mid-20s, what are they going to be like in their mid-40s? They're probably gay. They want to get bent over and pummeled. I would just move on and say goodbye to this man. And he should look within. Okay, next, I need you to talk some sense into me and help me quit worrying so much when dating. You know, dating is a hobby and it's a skill, and it takes time out of your day, and it's like trial and error. Which is why I don't like doing it, because that sounds like all, like, a lot of work to me. Like, I've said I'm not, like, an experienced dater. It's something I should tap more into if I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. But I think people shouldn't. I mean, I'm trying to put, like. It's so easy to, like. The issue I have is when I first like someone or have, like, a successful encounter with a guy, I romanticize, like, the next 10 dates, and I romanticize, like, this image of, like, what our lives could be almost. And I get kind of, like, cuckoo for cocoa puffs about that, which is something I need to try not to do. I think if you just, like, have fun dating and, like, try your best not to put so much weight to those dates and just, like, look at it as, like, fun, which is so much easier said than done. I don't even think I could take my own advice when it comes to that, to be honest. Like, I don't have dating figured out. I'm in my mid to late 20s, and I still have a lot of room for growth when it comes to dating. Maybe that's what my next year is about. But, like, usually when I like a guy, I. I'm not. Like, I've never been a position where I'm, like, dating around. And if I am dating around, I convince myself I don't like, like, the guys. Because if you really like someone, I Feel like you know, immediately and then everyone else is off the table. But then again, maybe it shouldn't be like that. Like, I don't have all the answers when it comes to dating, but I will say it is kind of a pain in the ass. It's trial and error. Try not to, like, overthink it. I'm an anxious overthinker. But if you're not, just be like, it's not that deep. Okay, next. Is long distance relationship in college worth it? I would say no, not at all. That's when you should be experimenting. Like, why would you? There's so much dick on your campus. Within 50ft, you could go down the dorm room hallway, knock on the door for dick. You know there's dick everywhere and everyone's horny. You're in college. There's no point. Like, I get young love and everyone's in love. I just don't. None. Maybe I'm speaking out of, like a bitter place because I got cheated on with my long distance relationship in college. And it just. I've seen the statistics. It doesn't typically work out. And usually he's to blame. I just feel like there's way too much temptation and they're way too immature. It just, like, doesn't usually work out. And then they justify their cheating and they want you back. And then you go back and forth between this game of like, oh, my God, I love you. But then they break up with you when they. When they want to. Becky on the side. Becky turns out to be trash in bed. They want you back. And then they find Jessica, who gives great head, but, like, she's kind of a. And he. This is comfortability with you. It's just like, fucking men suck at that age. And I'll tell you that, I've told you that. I just don't think long distance is worth it in college. Long distance, if they, like, are overseas and they're like, professional athlete, when you're a little bit older, that's better. Not in college, though. Not when you're 18. Be so fucking for real. Love you, but be so fucking for real. Okay, next. How. How do I lock down the man I'm seeing with out him realizing I want to lock him down? Oh, I feel like I've answered this one before, you know, like, how do you really lock down a guy? Asking. You're asking someone who has no men locked down currently. So maybe you're asking the wrong person. I feel like being coy is the only answer to really lock down a guy like, don't act too interested, but act interested enough in meeting the right guy that's in the right mind space. But I don't think there's a really rhyme or reason to locking down a guy. I think a guy has to be ready to be locked down for it to go anywhere. And like, if you're even like, having to put effort into locking down a guy, is he the right one? He should be all about you. You're probably a baddie. I don't know what you look like, but you're probably a baddie out of his league. So he should be begging to be locked down. Tell him to get with the program and sack the up and that's on period. Rate your first time having sex 1 to 10. I mean, this guy had a massive tripod dick. I've talked about this before. It was awkward. I mean, no one has an amazing first time having sex. It is awkward. It's probably their first time. There's a lot of nerves. It's like, I mean, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing on the younger side. For me, it was like I was 14, 15 years old. He was a little bit older. Legal. Legal. Within legal bounds, but he was. He claimed he fucked someone before. I don't think he did. It took him 30 minutes to put on a condom in the bathroom. I was like, what is he doing in there? He's probably trying to get hard, probably jerking out. I don't even know what the fuck he was doing. But it was awkward and it was painful and it. No, I didn't finish. And it was on a leather couch. I would say it was like a five, though. He. It was. We loved each other. It was young love. I really cared about him and I was ready. I was ready somehow ready to do it. So I felt like it was cute and romantic, but it hurt like a fucking motherfucker. I remember that. And I remember, like, my parents were like, upstairs. It was like, in my basement. I was young, but yeah, it was like five or six. It could have been worse. It could have been better. Like, no one has a 10 out of 10. And if you have, I would love to hear it. My daily routine. I've never gotten asked this good question. So I usually wake up. If I have energy, I'll use my vibrator. I'll take a shower, brush my teeth. I do my skincare routine. I always usually Uber eats Starbucks. It's like a. I usually get a brown sugar shaken espresso with the strawberry Cold foam, Grande. Always get that. And I always Uber eats it. And then typically I'll go down to the cafe that's right underneath me. I'll get like a little nibble, something, some breakfast. I'll go through my emails, my calls, things I have to get done. I'll always have reality TV playing in the background. You. Sometimes I go down to my sauna and I'll like, work out like midday, maybe do some light exercise. Usually not usually go down there. I look at the machines and then I like go into the sauna and pretend that sweat is like, me working out. I'm like, not in a big working out era right now. And then I'll go upstairs. If I have to record the pod, I'll come here and do that. If not, I'm pretty much a homebody until the evening, and that's when the beast is awakened in me. And then I will go out on the town, usually to a restaurant with my girlfriends. Or I'll go to like, shame or go or like zero Bond. And then I'll have casual dinner. And that usually turns into more drinks. Sometimes it turns into like me going to the club on a random Tuesday night and me ending up in a limo in Times Square chugging vouch cli clo down my throat until four in the morning and having an after at mine. It really, it really depends where the. I've been really feral recently, so my sleep schedule's a little off, but yeah. And then hopefully I usually get some sleep after that. I could have a healthier lifestyle, I'm not gonna lie. Okay, next, how to talk to a guy you like if you're typically shy and too nervous. Smile, eye contact, body language, and just be yourself. That sounds so tacky and cheesy and like, whatever, but literally be yourself, because being yourself is what is gonna. You don't wanna, like, switch up. So, like, a lot of guys are into the shy thing. Some, like, just be you. And like, maybe you think you're being too shy, but, like, just being you will always be enough. And always remember that whether you're shy, introverted, outgoing, loud, being you will always be enough. And that sounds so corny, but I truly believe that because you want to change who you are, you do not want to change who you are within the first few conversations with the guy and then feel like you're like locked into acting like that if that's not your true self, and then say the guy likes it. And then going forward, you, like, pretend to be someone that's not you just be you and like, don't overthink it, Beastly goose. And if you're into drinking, have like a little martini. Loosen up. Like, it's all fun. He's probably nervous too. Men are scared of us. Don't forget that. That was a good one to end on a little positive note. And I will say, even though I was a little bit blind for this episode and I can't see much and it's putting me kind of in a bad mood, I love sitting down here with you guys and just yapping if there's any. I mean, I kind of like that get to know me segment. Even if it wasn't like, like no one's ever asked me my daily routine. Even if you have a question about like me, my personal life or me and my sex life, feel free to ask me anything. I love answering all those questions. That was a really fun segment. I feel like this was a really fun episode. I love you all, as always. You know where to watch me. YouTube, like comment, subscribe, show your friends, post it on your story because I'm always reposting those. So if you're watching this podcast post, I repost pretty much every single one. And if you're listening, you also know where to listen to me. Every other platform. Give me five stars. I love you guys and I will see you next week with Grady Pop. Bye.
- [57:50]
ExxonMobil Announcer
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- [58:16]
Dana
When life brings the blah. Add more yabba dabba doo with some tasty fruity Pebbles. Early morning meeting.
- [58:23]
Graydon
Blah.
- [58:23]
Dana
Someone brought the Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Run errands.
- [58:27]
Graydon
Blah.
- [58:28]
Dana
Head to the store for Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Fruity Pebbles. Less blah, more yabba dabba doo. Pick up Pebbles cereal today. Yabba dabba doo in the Flintstones and all related characters and elements copyright and trademark. Hanna Barbera.
- [58:44]
Ashley Furniture Announcer
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