Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder

Episode: The Threesome Rule Book & Should You Cheat Back?
Release Date: March 13, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of Extra Dirty, host Hallie Batchelder delves deep into the complexities of modern relationships, exploring themes of infidelity, boundary-setting in threesomes, and the emotional turbulence that accompanies these intimate dynamics. With her characteristic humor and honesty, Hallie shares personal anecdotes and engages with listener submissions to provide a candid look into the messy side of love and lust.

Hallie's Personal Cheating Story

Timestamp: [00:30] - [32:08]

Hallie opens the episode with a reflective narrative about discovering her boyfriend of two years was cheating on her during her freshman year of college. She recounts the emotional turmoil and the impact it had on her approach to relationships.

• Initial Commitment and Naivety: Hallie explains why she decided to enter college with a boyfriend, emphasizing her reluctance to face the unknown without a familiar support system. "I wouldn't let go of this relationship. I needed it to get me through at least the first trimester of college." ([03:45])

• Red Flags and Betrayal: The story unfolds as Hallie notices her boyfriend's suspicious behavior, such as not sending goodnight texts—a significant red flag for her. She shares the moment of betrayal: "The first fucking text I see on my phone is, this man had betrayed me. And I was like, holy fucking shit." ([07:15])

• Confrontation and Aftermath: Upon confronting her boyfriend, he admits to the infidelity but offers minimal remorse. This leads Hallie to retaliate emotionally by making out with another man, showcasing her vulnerability and confusion. "We did the whole, like, little ex-boyfriend game where we'd check in." ([15:30])

• Transformation and Growth: The betrayal marks a turning point for Hallie, evolving her into a more assertive and self-reliant individual. She reflects on how this experience shaped her future relationships and her understanding of loyalty and self-worth. "I feel like that's where I kind of turned into, like, an evil, little, you know, ho." ([25:50])

"Am I the Asshole?" Listener Submissions

Timestamp: [32:08] - [45:33]

In the second segment, Hallie transitions to a popular Am I the Asshole? (AITA) segment, where she reviews and responds to listener-submitted relationship dilemmas. This interactive portion offers diverse perspectives on what constitutes right or wrong behavior in complicated romantic scenarios.

1. Threesome with Boundaries Gone Awry

   • Scenario: A listener shares her discomfort after her boyfriend violated agreed-upon boundaries during a threesome, specifically kissing another woman and not using a condom as promised.
   • Hallie's Response: She criticizes the boyfriend for disrespecting boundaries and suggests that he lacks the respect necessary for a healthy relationship. "He doesn't respect your boundaries and he's kind of a dick." ([35:20])

2. Applying to Jobs in Different Cities While in a Relationship

   • Scenario: Another listener questions whether she's in the wrong for secretly applying to jobs in other cities, intending to end her relationship post-hiring.
   • Hallie's Response: Hallie empathizes with the emotional complexities, advising open communication to avoid unnecessary hurt. "I would advise you just to sit down with this man and say, listen, if I get a job, my dream job, and I have to move, I don't see us making it work long distance." ([38:45])

3. Rejecting a Boyfriend's Mother's Engagement Ring

   • Scenario: A listener feels uncomfortable accepting her boyfriend's mother's engagement ring and wonders if she's being unreasonable.
   • Hallie's Response: She supports the listener's desire for personal happiness and autonomy over her own ring, highlighting the importance of individual preference in significant relationship symbols. "I don't think you're the asshole, but I do think that it will be a careful and, like, you know, very gentle conversation." ([40:10])

Throughout the segment, Hallie balances humor with sincere advice, offering listeners relatable insights while validating their feelings and decisions.

Personal Updates and Reflections on Nightlife

Timestamp: [45:33] - [End]

Towards the end of the episode, Hallie shares personal updates about her family visiting New York City and reflects on her evolving relationship with nightlife.

• Family Visit Dynamics: Hallie discusses her parents' visit, highlighting the blend of familial love and the challenges of balancing personal freedom with family expectations. She jokes about her parents' predictable routines and her own attempts to enjoy social outings despite their presence. "Just because my parents are in town, this is usually the case, doesn't mean that you can't go out after and have your own fun." ([50:05])

• Changing Relationship with Nightlife: She expresses a diminishing interest in late-night activities, attributing it to personal growth and changing priorities. Hallie humorously laments her inability to keep up with the party scene, showing a desire for more meaningful and less exhausting social interactions. "Maybe that's my frontal lobe developing, or maybe that's just like, me aging, really." ([54:30])

• Looking Forward to Future Plans: Despite feeling burnt out by nightlife, Hallie shares her excitement for an upcoming trip to Miami, anticipating a return to her vibrant social life. "It's going to bring me back into my Miami days, which I've touched on very briefly." ([60:00])

Hallie's candidness about her personal life and changing dynamics offers listeners a window into the real-life challenges of maintaining authenticity while navigating societal expectations.

Conclusion

In this episode, Hallie Batchelder skillfully intertwines personal storytelling with interactive listener engagement, providing a multifaceted exploration of love, betrayal, and self-discovery. Her unapologetic honesty and relatable experiences make Extra Dirty a go-to podcast for those seeking unfiltered conversations about the messy, yet human aspects of relationships. Whether navigating the fallout of infidelity or setting boundaries in unconventional relationship structures, Hallie's insights resonate with listeners aiming to find their own path in the complex landscape of modern romance.

Notable Quotes

• "I wouldn't let go of this relationship. I needed it to get me through at least the first trimester of college." ([03:45])
• "The first fucking text I see on my phone is, this man had betrayed me. And I was like, holy fucking shit." ([07:15])
• "We did the whole, like, little ex-boyfriend game where we'd check in." ([15:30])
• "He doesn't respect your boundaries and he's kind of a dick." ([35:20])
• "I would advise you just to sit down with this man and say, listen, if I get a job, my dream job, and I have to move, I don't see us making it work long distance." ([38:45])
• "I don't think you're the asshole, but I do think that it will be a careful and, like, you know, very gentle conversation." ([40:10])
• "Maybe that's my frontal lobe developing, or maybe that's just like, me aging, really." ([54:30])

Key Takeaways

• The Importance of Boundaries: Establishing and respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, especially when introducing additional partners into the dynamic.

• Communication is Key: Open and honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings, particularly when contemplating significant changes like moving or introducing threesomes.

• Personal Growth Through Adversity: Experiences of betrayal and relationship challenges can lead to personal growth, fostering resilience and a clearer understanding of one's needs and desires.

• Balancing Personal and Family Life: Navigating personal freedom while maintaining familial relationships requires balance and clear communication to ensure mutual respect and understanding.

Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder continues to offer raw and unfiltered insights into the complexities of modern relationships. By sharing her own experiences and engaging with listener stories, Hallie creates a space for honest dialogue and communal understanding, making each episode a relatable journey through the highs and lows of love.