← Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Why men lose interest, k*nks, & having a roster *solo!*
00:40:26
Hallie is BACK for a solo episode babe!! Hallie talks about the holiday season: Blackout Wednesday, Thanksgiving, the endless family time, and the CHAOS that comes with it (*ss eating, potentially! and allegedly!). Then Hallie answers all of the s*x questions that she knows you're thinking, but sometimes too scared to ask, because it's EXTRA DIRTY after all! Hallie wraps up by answering some 'Am I The Asshole' questions too - besos babe! 💋🍸
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- [00:00]
A
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- [01:18]
Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York.
- [01:30]
Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.
- [01:38]
Ho ho ho. Welcome back to Extra Dirty. It's just me and you guys today. I feel like I haven't done a solo episode in a hot minute. And it is very important to me as your mother and president that I sit down with you guys and just talk to you one on one. So that's what we're going to do today. And let's get chaotic. I feel like I haven't had a very like out of pocket insane episode in a hot minute because I've been like super like clenching my hole and trying to be like PC and like very buttoned up. I'm not gonna do that today. We're gonna take a different approach and be unhinged because I'm feeling unhinged today. I am well rested and just feeling like a little chaotic today. It's raining outside. Sometimes the weather affects my mood in that way. So I feel like we should do a proper catch up before any and talk about the things that have passed since the last time I sat down with you guys one on one. It was just Thanksgiving, which is whatever. I don't. I love Thanksgiving. Okay? And like, that's ironic because I do have issues with food, but like I do like the holiday aspect of getting together with your family. Everyone cooks and bakes and goes to mama's house and has a good time. I like that. What I don't like about Thanksgiving is small talk. I have so much adhd, and I'm really bad at small talk. It should be something I'm very good at, especially in this industry where I have to small talk with literally everyone on the face of the planet. But there's something different about small talking with your relatives that just. I don't know, it just. It feels. It makes me super anxious, and I hate it so much. It's like the repetitive conversations. It's like, how are you doing? How is work? Blah, blah. All the things I don't want to talk about when I'm, like, chilling and relaxing and having a glass of wine. I don't want to catch you up on who I'm not dating, who I'm not sleeping with, and this scandal, that scandal, and, you know, being an influencer slash podcaster. These are things I don't want to talk about when I'm just, like, hanging out with my fam. But those were all the topics that were covered at Family Thanksgiving. And let's talk about Blackout Wednesday, which is a holiday in itself, which I am way too old probably to be celebrating yet. I lead the charge on that holiday every single year. I was this close to not going out that Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna be a big girl and put on my big girl pants right now. And I'm gonna stay in, maybe make some tea or some red wine, and go to bed early. As soon as that text hit around 9pm, which is kind of late in Boston, that text hit around 9pm being like, should we go out? I can't say no. I'm really bad at saying no. It's gonna be one of my New Year's resolutions, is to be better at saying no. Because I say yes to literally everything, and it bleeds into every aspect of my life. Sometimes it's a great thing, like saying yes to everything. It makes life more interesting. Exciting. You always have stories to tell, but it also makes your body count extremely high, and we can't have that. Although I haven't had sex in so long, like, I will say, I mean, I did eat this guy's the other week on Blackout Wednesday. That was on accident. This is why it gets bad when I say everything, because I didn't bring up eating this guy's. This guy wanted his. And he verbalized that. Which, by the way, you don't see a lot of that, but you see kind of a lot of that. It kind of throws me off. But I'm like, all right, I'm down. Whatever. So I did that. And then I woke up the next day. It was Thanksgiving. I obviously had a couple glasses of wine on Thanksgiving. But Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, I was like, I don't even want to say the word alcohol. I was like, I don't even want to look at a bottle. I'm staying in. I, like, was repenting. I considered, like, getting a rehab subscription. What is it called? It's like when you go to aa. I was considering that after I eat. This guy's in the suburbs of Boston. It was really a really scary day. Especially on a Wednesday. I feel like if you're gonna eat, it's like, at least a Friday, Saturday activity. Maybe Thursday, but definitely not a Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. That's a whole feast in itself. That was my Thanksgiving, and I can't believe it's already almost Christmas. We have a busy month. I was just telling Marshall, my very handsome, sexy producer. I was like, I am spread so thin right now because I say yes to everything. Like, and I want to be able to, like, this is the time to do it. I'm in my 20s. I have the energy to do it. I'm single. I, like, I can go to everything without having to answer to anyone. But it. I'm so tired. I have a million things today. I have, like, an island mag party. I have a garage event. Shout out. Garage. I love you guys. And I have to go to art Basel at 7am tomorrow. And I'm there for 36 hours. Have five events to go to within that time. Spanish. And then I head down to Nantucket Friday morning at 6am and this will probably be announced by the time this episode airs. But my sister. Shout out. My sister will be engaged by then. Snaps for her. I love that we're on completely different timelines right now. She's my beautiful, sober Pilates instructor and I'm the drunko wench. Two different paths, but we still love each other and appreciate each other for our differences, which is something they don't tell you about sisterhood when you're really young. Because she's only 15 months older than me. And I remember just wanting to bite her fucking tits off. Like, her head off. I wanted to tear her head off. She would always steal my fucking clothes. We were in the same class. We'd fight over parties and like, like, social Outings and, like, what we were gonna wear to semi and, like, pre games, post games. Who could have friends. Like, it was like, we're always in a fucking fight. She was an introvert, I was an extrovert. And it always caused a lot of arguments. She was extra sensitive. I'm extra abrasive. We just didn't match. But now at our ages of 29 and 28, you know, I can look at her and be like, oh, my God. I, like, love those things about you that I don't have. Like, I respect you so much more. And I think she looks at me and she's, like, proud of the things that I have that she doesn't have. And I feel like in that way, we complement each other. Sisters. It's kind of a beautiful thing. But I love, love her. I'm so happy for her. Another one bites the dust. But if it's gonna be anyone, it'll be my sister. She's gonna be engaged to this amazing man, Peter, and I'm just very happy for them. But it's just like another wedding on my schedule. Damn. Like, everyone's got my besties, are getting married or are married or I don't know, but I love that for them. What else I will be. When this episode comes out, I will be in the midst of my Tripping with Tarte, which I am so honored to be a part of. Guys, I have been watching Tripping with Tart, like, all the social content that surrounds that for a few years now. And I feel like as an influencer or someone in this space, being invited to Tripping with Tart is kind of like an honor. Like, it's like a badge of honor that I wear very proudly. So I'm excited to go. That'll be in Turks and Caicos, and there's a great group of girls going, and I'm sure that's gonna be a time and a half. There'll be lots of sure, lots of stories that will follow up that trip. Hopefully some fun guests as well.
- [09:15]
B
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- [10:38]
A
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- [11:43]
All right, that was a cute little wrap up of what's been going on with me. I thought for this next segment we'd get into some fun things like sex. And on this show we talk about sex and some things that other podcasters won't talk about. Clearly, because I get in trouble for a lot of things on this show. But like, let's do it. Let's have fun with it. Okay, the first question is, why do men lose interest after sex? And how do you tell if you won't Men, you know, that's like the post, not clarity. I think that has nothing to do with the girl. To be honest, men lose interest after sex because it's a them problem, not an us problem. I feel like they're probably just not in a place to be in a relationship or they're gay. I mean that's so easy to go back to. But I think a lot of men are gay. I think there's this aspect also when a man, like an emotionally unintelligent man, hooks up with a girl like before they hook up with him, there's this aspect of like the chase. And I feel like in a man's immature little small pig little mind, once they like get with the girl, hook up with the girl, there's this like, oh, like check, like I won the prize. And that element of the chase that was like enticing and interesting to them. It gets completely eliminated. So there's that, which is why there's that argument that you should wait to like have sex with someone. I don't necessarily typically follow that or believe in that because I feel like if a guy loves you or fucks with you or likes you, any of those things, it'll, it'll not matter if you like sleep with them after 20 minutes or after 20 months. I really think it doesn't matter if a guy, I think it has to do with their brain, their stupid little mice brains. I would say that's an important element as well. But like if a guy doesn't want to see you or whatever after you guys hook up, have sex, have this like intimate moment, then he's not the one, he's not your man, I'm sorry babe, he's not your husband.
- [13:43]
So bye. Let the trash take itself out. And how to tell if a man won't lose interest after having sex with you? I feel like it's kind of obvious, like he's gonna be wanting to make plans with you, initiating texts, calling you, wanting to see you after. Like men aren't like that smart. So I feel like they're pretty black and white and they're not like going to be purposely trying to send you mixed signals. They're very like transparent human beings in my opinion, because they're kind of dumb. So if he wants to, he will. Easy as that.
- [14:14]
Okay. How do you know if he's actually good in bed or just confident?
- [14:20]
Cuz he like we'll know what he's doing. You can have a cocky thinking, like your kneecap is your, like it's literally happened before. I just think there's a lot of cocky, confident guys that think they know what they're doing and they don't have a vagina. They don't know what feels good on a woman. So cockiness With a guy will get you nowhere. In bed, you have to, like, listen and be receptive to, like, what the woman wants. And, like, that takes a lot of learning and practice on their end and communication and all those things. But also, I would say knowing if a guy's good in bed gets very, very confusing, because I've thought so many guys were good in bed because I like them. And then hindsight's always 2020 here. You look back on those past sexual encounters. I'm doing a lot with my hands right now. You look back on those sexual encounters, and you're like, wait, I just was obsessed with him. He was actually pretty ass in bed. So it's, like, hard to tell in the moment, but. But I think a guy that's generally good in bed is confident a little bit, but also caters to, like, what you want because everyone wants something different. So for a guy to be good in bed, you also have to be, like, pretty vocal about, like, what you like. Takes two to tango, babe. How normal is it to encounter kinks? Not super normal. I mean, everyone has, like, baby kinks. Like, you know, like a little, like, light choking. Like, I wouldn't even count those. But I've only encountered, like, a few hardcore kings. That's kind of like, throw me for a loop. Like, the guy with the baby voice where he's like.
- [15:59]
This baby girl, like, that was my widow princess. Like, that. I did not like that one. I did not give him my consent to act like that. Like, what are you doing? I have no idea. But, like, what other kinks are there? There's, like, you know, there's bdsm. I've done, like, a bit of that, but I like doing that. So, like, that's fun for me. But, like, it's not normal for a guy you're just hooking up with to, like, pull out a rope in blindfold and, like, ball gag and just be like, what's good, babe? Like, that is not normal. And honestly, you should run for the hills if that's the case. A conversation probably should be had in some rapport should be built before people start pulling out whips and chains, unless that's what you're into. But, like, I feel like it's not super normal to just right off the bat.
- [16:49]
I'm not kink shaming, by the way. I love a little kink, but, like, this is just my opinion. What other kinks are there? I'm trying to think, like, if a guy wanted to, like, on you or, like, have him pee on you.
- [17:05]
It's okay to say no to that. Like, that's not. I would be kind of like, confused by that. And that's not something normal I've seen a lot ever. I've never actually encountered that ever. There's this one guy I like that loves, like, skull, but I feel like that's kind of normal. I also kind of like that, but other than that, like, I haven't seen many crazy kings. I actually know this billionaire that is a furry. The furry king. He like, has girls, like, run around, like, with a butt plug that has a tail attached to it. I don't think I would do that in role play. I would do role play, but it would have to be.
- [17:42]
Specific. A lot of the porn I watch is role play. So I'm like always curious, like, what that would be like for me. But, like, I feel like I wouldn't be able to, like, keep a straight face. I'd be like, giggling the whole time, like, not taking the guy seriously at all.
- [17:56]
Do guys actually want to go down on girls or do they just tolerate it? No, I think a lot of guys love it. I think a lot of guys love, love, love, love it. I would say most guys like going down on girls because most guys like having the ability to make like, whoever they're getting with feel good. And I feel like that's important. Like, that can like, turn someone on in itself. That's like half the reason why I like giving head. I feel like, powerful doing it. All the powers in my mouth, maybe that's how they feel. I don't know. But like, I think guys like doing it. Personally, I think that's like, I get why girls get in their head. I know a lot of girls that hate guys going down on them. But like, I'm like, that's like the most fun part. What do you mean? It's just like in their head, they get too self conscious. They can't enjoy it. So, like, that's a girl issue. But I feel like most guys typically enjoy it and should do it more often.
- [18:52]
Is it normal that I can't finish every time? Yes, honestly. I mean, I typically finish every time, but like, I make sure that happens whether.
- [19:06]
He'S already finished and I just do it myself right next to him. I will make sure I finish every sexual encounter unless I'm like, super up. And there's like some reason why I can't. But I feel like it's very normal for girls to not finish every time. Especially at this age, in your 20s. Like, I don't I think it's normal for a lot of people to, like, not have it figured out yet. You really have to, like, be in tune with your body and know your body and know it feels good for you and also be comfortable with whoever you're hooking up with. I feel like I'm abnormal in the sense where I kind of, like, shut off my brain and I just kind of, like, hone in to finishing. A lot of people get, like, caught up on, like, you know, like, the guy and, like, whatever, and there's a lot of moving parts. Like, I understand all that, but, like, if you just focus on it, you'll make it happen. But I would say practice makes perfect. Get a good vibrator, figure out what feels good for you, and also communicate with your partner what you like, or else it's not going to happen. But, like, I think comfortability is, like, the biggest factor. And if you're not comfortable with the guy, then you probably shouldn't be, like, hooking up with him. And that's on, period. Why do men want morning sex so bad? Honestly, I think they're just horny, as in the morning. I think. I think it's just, like, a biological thing. I'm not even kidding. I mean, I'm not a guy with a dick, but I feel like they just wake up hard and they're just like, all right, what can I. And if you're a warm body next to them, that's probably what's gonna happen. I don't love morning sex. I only like morning sex in the spooning position. But, like, there's nothing. Like, there's no harder task than giving head in the morning hungover. Like, that's something I don't subscribe to, but I'll do it if need be. But I think it's literally just horny in the morning. I can look it up right now. And I'm no biology major, but it says right here, due to a spike in testosterone, which is the highest in the morning and increases libido. So they literally got a fucking tripod between their legs when they wake up due to biology. And that's on period. Does body count really matter to men anymore? I think to some men it does.
- [21:18]
I mean.
- [21:21]
Yeah. I mean, to some men it does. And we're never going to get around that. But a secure man really won't give a About your past or whatever. I mean, I'm not, like, saying your body counts, like, 5,000. I mean, that's kind of. There's the limit does exist but like, a secure man won't really ask you about your body count. I feel like. I mean, why does he care, slash want to know? Like, that's none of your business. Like, I don't ask. Like, that's not even a thing I really think about. It's like, what's this man's body count? Unless he's like the town bike or the community bike, which I've encountered a few times, which I get wary about those guys. I'm sure they get wary about me too. So it's two way street. It's an antiquated way of thinking. And he sounds like a fucking loser. Why is he asking these questions like, mind your fucking business and buy me a fucking dirty martini. Is it a green flag or a red flag if he watches a ton of porn? How much is a ton? I mean, I do like my dose of porn, but I'm a single ass in the city.
- [22:28]
It depends. I used to hook up with a guy that watched way too much porn and I was like, this is not real. Like, this is fantasy land. Like, if you watch too porn, it like desensitizes you to sex. And that's like, kind of dangerous in my opinion, because it's like, not real. I would say, yeah, it's a red flag for a guy to be watching, but it's definitely not a green flag. I mean, was that part of the question? Is it a green flag or red flag if he watches too much? It's definitely not a green flag, babe. Unless it's a video of you guys, it's probably leaning towards the red flag because it creates this like, fantasy land. And it's not like real sex. Like, porn is like, not real sex. It doesn't like, look like that. It's a lot messier and dirtier and grungier in my opinion. That's what I mean. It like desensitizes you to sex and sex is like a intimate thing. So you don't want to be desensitized to that. How long is the right amount of time for sex? Are we all faking stamina? I mean, it depends how up I am. I can last. I mean, I've lasted all night before. That's not normal, but that took a lot of alcohol and. Yeah, but I would say that no longer than.
- [23:42]
Like, sober. I haven't had sober sex in a really long time. I hate to admit that. And I don't think the morning counts after a night out because I'm still kind of drunk.
- [23:54]
Like nine to 20 minutes. I would give it a window of nine to 20 minutes. I'm gonna look it up. I hate to be like Dr. Halley right now, but, like, I have to look this up. It's gonna bother me. Average amount of time for sex.
- [24:08]
5.5.4 minutes. What? For a woman, the average time to reach orgasm is longer. It's about 13.4 minutes. All right, thank you. It does take a hot minute. However, there's a wide range. Blah, blah.
- [24:24]
Okay, so for men it's 5.4 minutes. Yeah, because a men, like, it literally takes a two pump and dump and then they're done. But it takes a little bit longer for women. For average, 13.4 minutes.
- [24:39]
Normal is relative. Yeah, that checks out to me. I do believe in the fact that, like, if a guy finishes before a girl, he should dedicate all this time to helping her finish and get over the finish line until she's done. Like, I don't even count sex to sex if I don't finish, honestly, because, like, what's the point? What are we doing here? So, yeah, I think that's like 10 to 20 minutes. Perfect for me. Honestly, sober, but like, it depends. I can go on a whole sex bender and then I forget the minutes and the hours.
- [25:14]
But that's on a rare occasion. Only holidays.
- [25:22]
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- [27:45]
Is it normal to fantasize about someone else when you're with your partner? No, babe, it's not. You should break up with your man. I've done this a few times. Like, when I'm not over a situationship and I'm like, trying to get a underneath another guy to feel something. Yeah. Picturing someone else has got me over the finish line and helped me through it. But is that normal or healthy? I don't know. I don't also think I'm the right person to be asking this question, too. I want to, like, preface this whole episode like, these are my opinions, thoughts, and how, like, I'm never going to lie to you. My opinions might be wrong sometimes or bad or tainted or, like, kind of fucked up. But I'm not gonna sit here on my show and lie to you guys. You can take it. You can either say, okay, I'm gonna take this piece of information. I'm gonna do exactly not what she's doing, or I'm gonna do what she's doing. I can't control that. So I just want to say that. But fantasizing about another guy while having sex, I would say is not a great thing. Definitely not a great thing for the guy. Have I done it? Yeah. Will it happen again? Probably. And that's on period. It happens sometimes. Never like a celebrity, though, does that. I feel like that happens with some people. Like, they picture, like, hot celebrities. Like, I have to, like, know the guy. I have to have, like, rapport with the person. But maybe that's just me. What do you guys secretly want but never ask for free to, like, suck on their balls and eat Their ass. But, like, they all secretly want it. I swear.
- [29:31]
I promise you. Take that with what you will. I don't want everyone out here just eating everyone's ass. Like, I can't have that, like, going around. Also, like, on the more wholesome side of things, like a guy, some of them want to be like a little spoon. They want a little cuddle from behind. If you're like, in that phase of the relationship, I rarely cuddle and if I'm cuddling someone, I'm pretty up. Like, I don't really love. I don't love to cuddle or sleepovers really. But if you're in a relationship or a situationship, try being the big spoon. A man needs a little hug too. Are guys actually intimidated by sex toys in the bedroom? I think insecure men, and probably guys that are like in their early twenties, don't understand it, the lore of it yet. Because a secure man will know that this is just a tool for them. This is going to help them do less work. Honestly, at the end of the day, this is just spicing things up. It'll help your girl finish quicker. It's a fun thing to add in the bedroom. If a man is thrown off or, like, doesn't want toys in the bedroom, he's a. No offense, but, like, offense, like, what? I don't understand that. That's happened to me a few times. But like in college, when a man is like, oh, like, I'm not good enough. I'm like, yeah, you're not. You don't know what the you're doing. You're rubbing my, like, kneecaps. What are we doing here? I got class, I got places to be. No. Why do people like choking?
- [31:08]
Not to get Dr. Howley on you guys again, but I do think that there's like a wave of adrenaline that like, helps you, like, finish quicker. I'm not even kidding. It also, like, it's passion. It's something I'm not saying. Choke all your out. Like, I don't think there's any guys watching this anyways. But, like, don't like, see that. Like, start seeing stars. Like a little light choking. It shows passion and aggression. It shows a guy is physically present. I don't know. There's something about her that makes me feel like a guy is more like, he's there. He's there with me right now. And it's just hot. Honestly, I think it's hot. I'm into like light choking or heavy choking. Honestly, there's been a few times I've almost passed out. I wouldn't say do that, but I just think it, like, is a little fun thing to spice things up. But that's just me. What's the actual etiquette for sending nudes in 2025?
- [32:05]
The etiquette, I would say no unsolicited. Anything that goes for boys and girls. I think that sending nudes just unsolicited is nuts to do this day and age. Unless you're, like, in a serious relationship. I just think that it gets a little dicey. Like, I don't want to unsolicited dick pic. Like, I feel like you should see, I accidentally leaked my email, like, a year and a half ago, and I posted something on my Instagram story and I, like, put my email or something, and I didn't have much of a following back then, but I had, like 40k or something. Like, whatever. It was, like, sizable, but it was not that much. Oh, my God, all the creeps sending me emails of their. I was like, this is disgusting. Get that away from me. Like, I don't want to see that. No. So after that, I'm like, no unsolicited dick pics. It like, I'm like, PTSD from that. The etiquette, I would say. I don't know. I'm not the wrong person to ask because I don't send nudes anymore. And if I do, I'm really, really up and they're on Snapchat, honestly. And, like, I don't even use Snapchat anymore. As someone that, like, has, like, a following, kind of. I. It's kind of risky to send news I can't have what I send on the Internet. Makes me a little nervous. Although that day will come. And when that day comes, we will all blame AI okay, it's going to be AI because I'm not claiming her. But I would say the etiquette is just like. What do you mean, etiquette? Like, are we talking, like, positions? Like mirror selfies? Are you opening your legs, popping the phone up? Like, I'm trying to think of etiquette, because nudes can be, like, kind of innocent. Like a little, like. Like cute lingerie, but things are still kind of covered, or your whole fallopian tubes are out in their face? Like, I don't know the etiquette these days because I haven't sent a nude in so long. I would just say, be careful. Honestly, that's my etiquette. Be careful. If he's not texting you after you hook up, is he done or Is he nervous? I, you know, I feed my own delusions with this one. Typically he's probably just not interested or he has a very serious FBI job that he can't be on his phone or he's dead or something like he's in a coma. There's rare circumstances, I don't know, but usually, typically if a guy's not texting you after you guys hooked up, like at least three days after, just like checking in, like being like, hey, I want to do something again, he's definitely just not interested. He doesn't with you. I'm sorry, babe, but we're in this together. This has happened to me a million times. Do you have any dicks I've sucked that I wish I could have taken back with the lack of texts I've gotten afterwards? It happens to all of us in the best of us. But you know what? It builds character and it builds lore and we know what to look for next time. But we're probably gonna do it again because this is just part of girlhood in the 20s, you know, you just gotta lean in and accept it. Also, he's probably gay. When in doubt, he's probably gay. What's the real difference between a guy who wants sex and a guy who wants you? You'll know when a guy wants sex and I think you'll know when a guy wants you. I think if a guy wants you, he will cater to your love language and check all the boxes and I think checking all of those love languages are important to like show a guy fully wants you. Like acts of service, quality time, gift giving, like, etc. I don't even know all them physical touch like I feel like a guy will do each and every single those. If a guy is seriously interested of you. If a guy just wants to you usually it's just like a very detached guy that is very physical, touchy and just wants to. And I'll text you after like 11pm like you'll know when a guy just wants to you and you'll know when a guy super into you. I think it's going to be pretty clear. Like I said, guys are pretty simple beings. Like you'll know it's gonna be pretty black and white. There's not gonna be any gray area. Are we allowed to have a roster in 2025 or is it toxic? Babe, always have a roster. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. I think I don't care what year it is, it's gonna be 2065 and I'll still Have a roster if I'm single. Like, I am guilty of doing this at all times. I think it's really hard to have a roster without getting attached to one guy. I think it's honestly a skill to have a roster. Rosters really only work if you're, like, in the mindset where, like, I'm literally just gonna, like, keep all these guys at arm's length and be detached and just, like, sleep with them and not spend too much time with them. No sleepovers, no pillow talk. And I feel like you also have to have a pretty busy schedule, and your priorities have to be, like, not men. They have to be, like, work and your friends. And then men are just like, your labu boos the roster outside of your inner circle in your life. All right, guys, that was a fun, fun little, cute little segment. I always, like, love doing those. Like, I never get bored of those, to be honest. Next. We haven't done the segment in a hot second. It's one of my favorite segments. It's Am I the. So I'm going to be reading your submissions, and I'll be deciding whether you're the. Or maybe I'm an too. Because typically I agree with you guys. Okay, first one. I made a guy believe he gave me chlamydia and bullied him, and I was the one who gave it to him. A little gaslighting action, I see. Yes. In this situation, you're the asshole. Would I theoretically do the same thing to save face? Yes, I would probably make the same call. As long as you learn from this experience, I think that we can move on guilt free. But.
- [37:52]
I mean, at the end of the day, you both had chlamydia. You both had to take the same pill to get rid of it. He feels a little bit more guilty than you do.
- [38:03]
Like, whatever. It'll take a week to clear, and then you guys will be happy and fine. And dander. I tell one of my roomies very obvious lies when she pisses me off because she's very gullible. I think this is just playful and funny. If it's very obvious lies, like, she needs to get a grip because the real world out there is tough. Okay? Everyone's lying out there. So for bestie saying really obvious lies, like, the sky is pink and she's buying that we gotta get homegirl like a babysitter. Okay? That worries me for her. I hope she doesn't live in a big city, but yeah. Are you the. I wouldn't call you a. By the way. I don't like, calling anyone that listens to my podcast an like, I feel like an doing that. I love you all. You all. You all are freaks. But for the sake of this game, I have to. Are you the in the situation? I wouldn't say, like, major. No. I mean, compared to the last one we just did. No, you're not an. I think this is kind of funny. Like, my friend was that global, I'd be doing this, too. All right. I became really turned off by this guy's dependency on his dog for emotional support. Yeah, I would, too. I don't think you're the. I think this guy needs to, like, get a grip.
- [39:21]
Like, what do you mean he has emotional dependency on his dog? I thought only girls were allowed to do that. This is tricky because I've never had a dog. I have brothers. Like, I don't. Like, I lived in the city. I didn't grow up having animals. So it's hard for me to say and judge a relationship between a man and his dog because I know that is a special bond a lot of men share with their dogs. Like, if is this guy, like, able to travel with her without his dog? Like, is it, like, interfering with your plans with him? That's where I draw the fucking line. Is the dog in the room when you have sex? That's happened to me, and I really didn't like that. That happened to me last year, and I really didn't fucking like that. I was like, get your fucking dog out of the room. Like, this poor dog is gonna have to go to therapy. Like, it's weird. It felt weird. I was like, is this normal? I don't have a dog. I don't know what's normal. Why is your dog in the room? What's happening? But I don't know. It would maybe give me the ick, too. It gave me the ick with that guy. Honestly, I don't think you're an asshole.
- [40:25]
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- [42:08]
Okay, I made my ex sleep at the foot of my bed like a dog. Another dog. Instance when I was upset with him. No, I would have made him sleep on the roof. Like, if I'm fighting with a guy, like, I don't want to share a bed with you, even if it's the foot of the bed. I think you're honestly showing remorse and kindness to him in that moment. Letting him sleep in the bed. I would put him on the roof. Make him sleep in the car.
- [42:34]
Yeah. On the couch, on the floor.
- [42:38]
No, you don't get the warmth of the bed would be my take. But no, I think you were nice opposite of an I think you were exuding lots of kindness in this one moment. Am I the for ending things twice with my ex, once the day before his birthday and once on the 4th of July? I mean, I don't think. No, maybe the birthday one, but like, who gives a fuck about the 4th of July unless he's like, it means a lot to him. It is a fun. I mean, the fourth of July is supposed to be a day of celebrating and like, all your friends are getting fucked up, blah, blah, blah. It would probably throw a wrench in his day, I'm not gonna lie. But.
- [43:21]
If he already ended things on his birthday, I mean, he should probably have been like a little cautious about the holidays to follow. So I don't think you're the. I've done this. I've had. I've been broken up with on a birthday. I think too it happens sometimes. But sometimes birthdays bring up like a lot of like, emotions and reflection and like, you get like, very reflective. I mean, I'm like that on My birthday. So maybe you were just like having like a big fight on your birthday and you decide to end things because you're like, I don't want to celebrate another birthday with you. I don't know. I could see it happening. Do I think you're an asshole? Eh, I'm on the fence with this one. But the fourth of July one, no birthday. Eh, maybe. Okay, I'm a nanny new to this family. I clogged their toilet and blamed on the six year old. I would have done it too.
- [44:12]
I don't think I would have done it too. I would keep doing that too. I mean, isn't that what they're there for?
- [44:21]
I mean, that's just an easy cop out. Like, what do you want to say? That was me. I took the massive in your. In your beautiful, humble abode. No, you don't want to do that. It's just easier to blame the six year old. They're taking shits all day anyways, so I probably would have done it too. I don't think you're the sexted my ex boyfriend's dad. Oh, yeah. I need some more context. Like, did he.
- [44:47]
Did he break your heart? Did he cheat on you? Did he end things like, this is a powerful move. This is a power move. This is checkmate. This is a bold ass move. Do I think you're the. I'm gonna need a lot more context. Like, did you break up with him for the dad? Maybe you're the in that situation. Did he cheat on you with your best friend Becky?
- [45:12]
The dad. That's what I would do. His dad sex the dad. That's like hot. Honestly, I need to take a page out of your book. I need to have you on the podcast. That's very fun. I've never. I mean, I'm at the age where like the guys I'm hooking up with, their dads are pretty old but.
- [45:33]
Kind of hot. I don't think you're the though. No, but I need more context to. To really deem whether you are or not. Okay, last one. I imagined I was having sex with someone else for the last four months of an awful relationship. We just talked about this earlier in the episode. I think I. Exactly. Awful relationship. I would suggest you get out of the relationship. If you're picturing other guys while you're boning another one.
- [46:01]
Run for the hills. But like, it's kind of hot and you got to do what you got to do sometimes. Like I've done it before. It happens. But like, I wasn't in the best situation. Or I was trying to get over someone. Like, you're never doing that in a healthy spot with the person. You're like, that's just two plus two equals four here. But are you the. No, but, like, are you guys done? Like, then if you keep doing it, it's gonna be coming to a point where this poor guy's, like, in love probably, and, like, making love to you. And you're thinking about, like, Joe Schmo from the burger shop down the street. Like, we can't have that.
- [46:36]
So I would say end it. If you have ended it, I wouldn't say you're an. These are all learning experiences that'll happen. It's life, okay? It's part of life. But, yeah, that was a good one to end on. I like this. I like this segment. So, like, whenever you feel like the. Just DM my account. Spam my account, please, with I am the. Or questions about sex or questions about anything. Relationships, platonic relationships, the weather, I don't care. Ask me anything. Or just tell me something absurd. Like, I read everything from that account on this show. So just please make sure you're submitting everything that crosses your beautiful little mind. But anyways, guys, I love you all so much. I will be doing more of these solo episodes. This has been so much fun. As always, you can Watch me on YouTube, tell your friends about the show. Like, subscribe, comment, nice things, five stars. And as always, you can watch me on any other platform. And yeah, I love you guys. Enjoy the holidays, and I will see you next week. Kisses. Bye.
- [47:50]
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