← Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
Worst s*x advice on Reddit & your juicy confessions
00:43:49
This week on Extra Dirty, Hallie serves up a beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy solo episode packed with unhinged stories, tough-love rants, and listener chaos. She shares her giggle attack on magic chocolates, questions why her hips hurt after a wild weekend, and breaks down the key differences (and men) of Nantucket vs. The Hamptons. Hallie reacts to the worst sex advice on Reddit—calling out double standards, defending women making the first move, and unfortunately learning about earwax kinks—before handing out Kindness & Rue to friends, brands, and even her middle school teacher. Then it’s on to your most batshit submissions, from scheduling a boss’s affairs to an NBA footjob, crashing a boyfriend’s car on purpose, and an allergic reaction from kissing. Sprinkle in thoughts on letting a guy miss you, the logistics of fisting, and a whole lot of pookie energy, and you’ve got a Hallie classic. Follow @extradirty on socials and don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review to ke...
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- [00:00]
Hallie
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- [00:34]
Angie
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- [01:04]
Hallie
When I'm a mom, I wonder what I'm going to be telling my daughters. I'm going to be cursed with like, four, like, slutty daughters. I already know, and they're going to be like, mom. And I'm like, when I was your age, babe. Like, don't even ask. Also, don't I hope this, like, podcast is like, unwatchable when they're like, oh God, imagine my kids watching the show. Oh, my God. What up, you little freaks? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night. Okay? What's up, you sexy little muffin? Welcome back to Extra Dirty. It's me, Hallie, just sitting here alone again. But you know what? I like these solos I talk about all the time. I could talk to myself for hours. And sometimes after these solos, I'll get home and like, literally just be talking to myself for hours and be like, this would have been great for the show. But anyways, I am coming off a long weekend in the Hamptons. Let me just tell you, the Hamptons is not for the week. I thought Nantucket wasn't for the week. Montauk. And the Hamptons is not for the week. The debauchery we got up to was unmatched and I was scared in lots of moments. We went to Surf Lodge, which, honestly, like, disclosure was Playing at a grand old time. I don't typically like that kind of music in the lights flashing make me, like, feel like I might have, like, a seizure. But I was vibing, and somehow I got my hands on some magic chocolates. And I'm not a big magic magic chocolate type of girl. I don't like being out of control of my own body, which may shock some people. Like, when you look at me, I think you think, oh, this girl parties and does everything under the sun. It's not the case. I don't like things that kind of alter my brain chemistry for the most part. But I accidentally slipped a little chocolate into my system, and I thought it was just, like, it had salt on it. It looked like a beautiful chocolate caramel that was just looking at me in the eye. Look like a little sweet treat. So what did I do? I got my hands on it and took the whole bar. Not the whole bar, but the whole square. All of a sudden, I swear, like, the walls started moving. Like, my phone literally looking at my text. I look at my phone, I go, holy fuck. It looks like I could grab into my phone and pull out the words and then dangle them in someone's face. That's what, like, my text thread looks like. And then we went out, and I was freaking the fuck out internally. I couldn't stop laughing. I had the giggle attacks, and I was dying laughing. Everyone's looking at me like I was a fucking crackhead. I swear there was, like, ecstasy in it because every time someone would brush up against my arm, I felt literally everything. I swear there was ecstasy in it, but it's kind of fun. I, like, would do it again. I like the tail end of it. I did not, like, the first hour, literally. I remember, I think Miles Teller was, like, at the table next to us, and I just remember being like, I can't get up. I can't sit up. I don't. I didn't even see him because I couldn't see anything. Everyone looked like Legos shapes. I felt like I was in Roblox. Everyone looked like buildable Legos. And then my brother called me because I was like, I'll get you in. Like, come join us at the table. Like, there's room. And then I go up to the front, and he somehow gotten some altercation. Not altercation, but, like, he was arguing with one of the bouncers. There's something that happened when I wasn't there, and I was like, can he come in? It's just him. He's alone. He Goes, no, he's on something and he can't come in. I go, well, can I have some? Like, what's going on? Are we on something here? Like, he was not having it. He's like, you can get the out of here too. Bouncers freak me out. Especially the ones in New York. Or like the extension of New York being the Hamptons. They all just have this, like, weird, like, chip on their shoulder. It's almost like an ego thing. I'm like, why are you yelling at me? I'm not yelling at you. I didn't even say anything bad. So Chad was really mad. He had to walk away. But we ended up having a really fun night. But I'm definitely still feeling it today. You know when you party so hard and you're like, sore, and you're like, why are you sore? Why do my hips hurt? I bruises all over my legs. Probably because I have low iron. But, like, I like, what was I up to? I want to know. Like, my bruises tell a story. Did I fall? Did I slip? Did I hook up with someone random? Like, I need to know. But anyways, it was fun. I've only been out to Montauk, like two times this summer. This trip was more work related, you know, a brand wanted me to stay out there for Sunday night, and I was like, I'm not gonna go all the way out there for one night. That's insane. So I ended up staying a whole weekend at one of my friends houses. And I got to say, I was probably like, top three weekends of the summer. People always ask me the difference between Montauk and the Hamptons versus Nantucket, and I'm like, nantucket, the Hamptons, it's like, almost incomparable. I feel like Nantucket is like, there's only one town center. Nantucket's 12 miles by 14 miles. So there's one town center. You can't like, buy tables there. It's like an elevated bar scene, I would say. And I also compare it to like an extended country club. Like, it's very, like, family oriented. I feel like people don't really go to be seen there. I feel like almost people go to, like, hide there and be like, chill and like, go to the beaches and like, be like more like lax. The Hamptons. I feel like you go to be seen and you buy tables. Get up, you can get bottle service. It's senior. I would say the party scene is better. The food, I feel like, is probably better too. I feel like the food on Nantucket's like, okay, like there's a couple good places, but it's not. I wouldn't like go to Nantucket for the food. They have some good lobster rolls at some spots, but it's not crazy. I would say the men Nantucket versus the Hamptons. Definitely the Hamptons. I feel like there's a lot more action going on out there for men and like just having like a variety of men to pick from. The men on Antochet are beat. It looks like an ad for Lily Pulitzer or Sperries. And we've talked about this before. I do not like Sperry's man. I don't like tucked in shirts with the belt. The men there look too clean and buttoned up. Like I need some more tattoos. Like some like jewelry. I don't know. Some like edginess. Like all those men look just too nice for me. Like I would eat them alive. Like Jennifer's body style. Like I need a little bit more of like a toxic man. I feel like you can find that in the Hamptons. The men on Nantucket are all, I might. They're secretly gay. I think I know Grindr pops off there. According to Graydon. That's what he's told me. I just think the men on Nantucket aren't for me. But I'm going on a rant now which leads me to my next segment. Like, let's go on a rant for a hot second. Foreign this episode is brought to you by Zoc Talk. I don't know about you guys, but my entire social bead is filled with different health trends. Red light therapy can solve every skin problem. You should be slamming olive oil shots first thing in the morning. How about we give the algorithm a rest? Turn to IRL healthcare professionals who can help you meet your health goals. And with zocdoc, it's easy. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. 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Scope the profiles, send memes, keep the chat fun. Hype each other up, flirt a little, maybe plan a hang. It's always better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder double date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. I thought for this next segment I would, you know, go on rants on things that you should send your friends. They're all going to be different and send them to your friends when they need like a little pep talk or something or they just need a slap in the face via me via these clips. So let's get into it. Send this to your friend who has anxiety right now. Anxiety is a state of mind and I feel like placebo effect. The only way to think you are not hungover is to convince yourself you're not. Get up, get outside, get a diet coke, get a dildo, touch some grass. FaceTime, your best friend. Don't text your existence. Put on reality tv. Binge, watch Love Island. Binge. Watch any reality tv. You know, take an edible maybe. I mean, that's not really my thing, but I hear it does wonders. Okay, but do anything besides convince yourself that you're hungover. If you tell yourself and if you're telling other people, hi, I'm hungover, your body is going to think you are. But if you say, hi, I'm fine. I don't. I'm not. I'm literally fine. Then you're not gonna be hungover. People ask me all the time, hallie, do you get hungover? I don't understand. You always seem so. Not down bad. It's because I look in the mirror every time after I drink and I say, you are not the H word. Hungover. You're not it. It's not gonna get me today. Hangovers fear me. I don't fear them. They don't want to with me. And that's what I tell myself. And that's on God. Also, I feel like any favorite cheat meal hungover, Uber eats meal could cure any symptom. For me, I have A few that I circulate through one of them for some reason. Chicken pot pie. I don't know why. A chicken pot pie in the wintertime, that cures me. Soup dumplings with some, like, noodle situation. Some chicken teriyaki. Very good. Also chipotle. Chipotle always just, like, hits the spot. I feel like hangover meals have to have, like, a lot of grease in them to, like, soak up all the alcohol. There's, like, a science behind that, I'm pretty sure. And five guys, I feel like five guys just always does the trick. Do, like, a single patty cheeseburger in those Cajun fries. Me this up sideways. That sounds really good right now, honestly. And I'm not hungover. I'm two days sober, so I'm going to Lollapalooza tomorrow. That's not gonna last very much longer. Okay, next one. Send this to your friend who is hung up on a situationship. Babe, same. We're sisters in this. Okay, but, like, the only way to, like, get over a situationship is to, like, sack the fuck up. Okay? Look in the mirror and say, you're a bad bitch and get over it. We're not getting hung up over men this day and age. So they're literally just penises with body parts that are attached to it. Men are dumb. Anytime I'm hung up on a situationship, I literally asked my friends to slap me across the face because I just, like, men are just. I can't. I can't. Also, I usually am, like, so down bad over a situationship, and then the next day I'm like, was I okay? Like, someone, like, have a pulse check on me? Because there's no need. That thing about situationships, is there situations because he's making it one probably. Like, even if you're locked in on this man and he's giving you mixed signals, I always say this. You don't want to be telling your future kids down the road, like, oh, my God, remember when, like, daddy was, like, really shitty to me, the man you're supposed to be with, long term, you're never going to have to question. And I always save that standard for a man, which is why situationships, you, yes, they suck in the moment, but they're gonna be easier to get over. Like, this is not the man. Like, this is not the man of your dreams. This is not a man you wanna bring home to your dad or your parents or your brothers. Like, no, this man is gross, so get the fuck over him right now. Okay, next, send this to Your friend who doesn't wanna go out to happy hour on a Friday? Girl, we're, like, in our 20s, and we only live once. And you're hot. And, like, it's summer, and you can wear that cute little outfit that, what, this is our prime. We're in our peak. Our bodies are tight, our skin is clear, our skin is glowy. We want to flaunt that on the streets, okay? You're not going to find a man sitting inside watching Real Housewives. Although that sounds ideal to me. I like the sound of that. But it's impossible. Unless you're really avid on the dating apps, which I am, but, like, it's not working for me. But anyways, get out there, look cute, put a full bead on, do your hair, and meet a boy at a dive bar. Babe, we only live once, okay? The man of your dream is gonna be at the bar tonight, so go out with your girlfriends and look cute, okay? Send this to your friend who's been itching to text her ex. Itching to text her ex. As long as the ex hasn't been the one making you itch, then I guess I understand this, but, girl, we need to stop texting our exes, because why haven't our exes texted us, okay? Don't be the one to send the first text. Snap the out of it. There's so much dick in the world. What are we doing being hung up over anyone? Like, literally, there's so much in the world. You go to Starbucks. Dig. You go to 7 11. Dig. You could go to the gym. Dig. You go to the beach. Dick. Like, there's so much dick. Okay? There's dick, you know, everywhere. Marshall liked that one. I'm just saying, like, what are we doing? That's why. Like, I don't get that hung up over guys. It's just because I'm like, I'll find another one to torture me. I, like. I don't know. I don't even think about texting my exes anymore. Both my exes that I've, like, dated. Seriously, I'm like, I wouldn't even look at them sideways, you know? If I were to walk past him on the street right now, I would be like, oh, next. I don't really think about him that much. It just sucks in the moment. But, like, you'll get over it. I promise you, you will get over it. Life's gonna throw a lot of curveballs at you and a lot of balls in general. Actually, your ex will be the least of your worries at Some point in time. Okay, There's. You'll be okay, babe, I promise you. Next one, send this to your friend who hasn't gotten laid in months. Babe, seem. What's going on? There's a pandemic. I don't know what's happening. I don't know where they're hiding, but if you find out where they are and where they're residing, in the tunnels, in the bushes. I don't know where the fuck they are. But let me know DM me and I'll come with you and we will like find them together. But no, it's okay. I. I've been honestly saying this recently and maybe it's because I haven't gotten laid in a few. It's okay to take breaks and it's good to take breaks. It's really good. I think it's good for the mental to take breaks. You don't need dicks coming like out of your ears inside of all the crevices of your body at all times. That's not healthy, okay? I don't think my health insurance covers that anyways. We'll be okay. I think a break is good and you're hot and don't worry about it. But like, also like we need to get back out there. Okay, let's go to the bars. Staying in is not gonna do us justice. Okay? But you'll be fine. I also would say, like put yourself out there 100%. But also like don't stress about the fact that you haven't gotten laid in months. And like jump the next guy you like, jump his bones like the next random guy you see on the street just because you haven't gotten laid in months. Like we don't need to be adding random tallies to our body count just for the funsies of it. So just be patient with yourself. When it's supposed to happen, it's supposed to happen. But also like make sure you're putting yourself out there and not like hiding under a rock in your apartment, you know? But like, do you, babe, let's be honest. Some of the best ideas happen in the group chat at 2am with Shopify. You can go from we should totally make this a thing to we just made our first sale in a day. Whether you're building a community or launching a full blown brand, Shopify makes it easy and it's trusted by millions. Yes, millions. Shopify is actually the platform the extra dirty merch business runs on. Whether you're just testing an idea or going all in, Shopify makes it so easy to launch and scale. You don't need a team. Shopify is the team. It's your store builder, your fulfillment ops, your content assistant, all in one. 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They look adorable in my kitchen cabinet. I'm obsessed. Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with quinn's. Go to quinn's.comextradirty for free shipping on your order in 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.comextradirty to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comextradirty okay, next segment. Let's get the into it. Okay, I'm gonna read an article, Worst sex advice from Reddit, the R word. I'm triggered and I feel like I'm gonna throw up right now. Never take any advice from Reddit unless it's a recipe. I always say that I don't look on Reddit. I have my friends look. If I'm getting, like, weird story views, if they're like, higher than usual and I get anxiety, I'm like, can you look and just make sure, like, there's no nudes on there? Or if there's something like, crazy that's going down, like, but if that, like, if that's not the case, I don't look anyways. I'll look for this fucking worst sex advice Reddit article because it's my job to yap on this podcast. And here we are. Okay, eight of the worst sex tips from Reddit. The first is if you sleep with more than Five guys. You're going to wake up one morning when you're 35 and hate yourself, babe. What? No. Is this even sex advice? Because no, that's just like, a mom being a mom. But when I'm a mom, I wonder what I'm going to be telling my daughters. I'm going to be cursed with, like, four, like, slutty daughters. I already know, and they're going to be like, mom. And I'll be like, when I was your age, babe. Like, don't even ask. Also, don't I hope this, like, podcast is, like, unwatchable when they're like, oh, God, imagine my kids watching this show. Oh, my God, I'm going to have to put, like, parental control on all their phones. Hopefully you don't get bullied in school. But anyways, if you sleep with more than five guys, you're going to be fine. Once I slept with more than five guys in one weekend, and I live to tell the story, and I'm okay. I feel like shit happens. And it builds lore. It also builds community. Okay, Sometimes these friend groups be looking good. This is horrible advice, though. I feel like it's crazy, this day and age for a body count for a girl to be, like, less than 5. And, like, no, hate if it is less than 5. I feel like that's really respectable. But, like, if I'm gonna respect your low body count, don't disrespect my high body count, okay? It goes both ways. That's a double standard. I'm not gonna call you a prude, but, like, don't call me a. And if you do, I'm not gonna take offense to it. I'm probably gonna say thank you next. I just saw this Love island thing where they do a body count challenge. I think I've talked about this on here before, and they were talking about it was just funny. And it's just, like, such a crazy double standard to me because they were just going through the lineup and all these girls were like, my body count six. Like, I could never go on that show for this reason, because my body count is not six. And all the guys were like, oh, fuck, bro, it's so bad. And I'm like, wait, y' all fucking weird for that. Like, why do you care? Everyone has a past. That's what I tell myself anyways. But if a guy had a body count that was like, 100, I'd be like, okay, whatever. Maybe that's something wrong with me, but I don't know. Okay, next one. Pee inside the girl after you finish but before you pull out so you don't have to use a condom. Wait, let me reread this. This is fucking nuts. Pee inside the girl after you finish but before you pull out so you don't have to use a condom. The ammonia in your urine will neutralize the sperm. Babe, did you go to sex ed? No. This is weird. And a weird fucking fetish, and you're a weird freak for this. I'm. I've heard of this too. With like, anal, like, peeing their ass. Like, don't do that, please. Get your pee away from me. Go to the bathroom, you weirdo. I don't believe that is how biology works. This seems like bad advice. And for any young girl watching this, if a man tells you that peeing inside of them will neutralize it and that you don't have to use a condom. No, they just don't want to use a condom and they're being weird freaks and they just. I mean, like, I get condoms, like, don't feel as great, but, like, if you're not on birth control, it's like the safer way anyways. Next. His explanation was that he didn't know it was also frustrating for a woman to have all the buildup without a release. He didn't know sex doesn't end after the man comes. This is kid 16. Like, what the. This man essentially thinks that sex is over when he comes. Who wrote that somewhere, like, what, in the sex bible? I don't think that's the case. Babe. This is why you should also. I feel like, yes, maybe it's harder to make a girl finish. It takes longer, but there's definitely a lot more buildup and a lot more release, in my opinion. But I'm also not a man with man part. So, like, I don't also know the answer to that. But this is why you should always make it like, it's a generous thing to make a girl finish first before you finish or after you finish, even if you have postdoc clarity. The gentleman thing is to also make the girl finish. This is a two way street, babe. Why do you get to only want, like, what? Why are you the only one that gets to have fun? That's not how that works. I would never talk to this motherfucker again. And he will rule. He's on my real list. Whoever wrote this in this is dumbass. This is why I don't trust Reddit. This got me fired up. I'm like, honestly, like, getting hot in here because looking at that that pissed me off a little bit. Next one. Never make the first move or the second or the third. Guys will think you're desperate. No, these are these like teenagers writing these in. Like, it literally seems like it. I think making the first move as a girl in 2025 is fucking hot because these men are fucking lame and they can't make the first move. They're a bunch of pussies that are scared of my fake tits. So sometimes you have to make the first move. Like, these men are intimidated, which is fine. But like, I hate this double standard that, like, a guy should always be making the first move. It makes no sense. Like, go up to a guy and say, hi. I don't think it's the end of the world. I don't think it's desperate either. It's a stupid piece of advice. Is this segment meant to piss me off? Cuz it is. Had an army buddy, Tommy, test whether a girl is an STD or not by fingering her with your. By fingering her with ear wax on his finger. He said if it caused her pain, she had one. I'm speechless for the first time ever. Like, what is this a thing? I mean, I don't even know how to react to that. How does he get our earwax? Also, like, if a guy were to be like, I need your earwax to stick it in you to test whether or not you have an std, I would be like, get the fuck out of my apartment. Like, what? This seems like also like, it would cause an std. Or like, at least like BV or like this seems it would cause like a yeast infection. If a guy wanted to stick wax in my fucking vagina, I would be like, no, shove an umbrella in your ass, you fucking weirdo. Maybe call me old fashioned, but I just feel like, get tested, go to an urgent care. That's what I do. When I get with a fucking sketchy guy, I go straight to urgent care. And then I get Starbucks. And then I get like, you know, that's how I start my day after a sketchy guy. But I would never let a man do this. And this is horrible advice. Anyways, next. My friend was. Tell me about a time she went to a cute guy's place to hook up. While on his bed with minimal clothing, he licks his hand and slaps her badge. It killed the mood for her and she left. I don't know if this is really advice, but this is crazy. This guy sounds like a jokester and maybe he thought that was funny. And cute and like a giggle moment. But if I'm like bringing a guy home and he like, slaps the out of my puss, he's getting a slap across the face and his dick is not getting wet ever. That kind of pissed me off. Maybe I'm just in a pissy mood today. They're saying they got this from porn. And I always say, like, porn kind of desensitizes men, I think, in ways, because porn, although I love my fair share of porn, the porn I watch is scary. And, you know, maybe this could probably fit into some of that category. But it's not real life. You know, that's not like what real sex is. It's like glamorized almost and produced. It's like a production. It's like you're putting on an act almost. So I feel like it kind of desensitizes people's, like, thoughts and views on what sex should look like. So if they're getting this from porn, they should put down the fucking computer a little bit. I mean, just like, not real. Also, I feel like if you're hooking up with someone for the first time and they slap you in the puss, that's kind of like a no go. My books. Unless, like, kind of like some form of like, consents given. Like, that's not funny or cute and he should be taken off the street streets. Okay, Pop rocks and blowjob. Never again. I've actually, I think I've done this. I've done stuff with pop rocks at very young. Like when I was like, my 15, 16, 17. I think it's fun to spice it up. I wouldn't say that's horrible advice. The only thing with pop rocks is it's sticky after it pops and melts. I think it's more fun for like a makeout situation. But like, after you get that, all of your dick and you're like, trying to sit on it. No, you're gonna get stuck to him. And it, like, might give you a yeast infection because of all the sugar that's going on there. I just think maybe it's best to avoid. Unless you're like, hopping in the shower after or cleaning off or doing a good job with that. But, like, if you have to, like, stop after giving a blowjob with pop rocks to get in the shower, clean up. It could be a bit of a mood killer. So I get that maybe that could be bad advice, but I think it's kind of hot and certain. Like, it's like, me fun, like an ice cube while giving head is fun hot whack. I think those are fun elements to introduce when having sex sometimes. But like this is not like the biggest no go to me.
- [30:04]
Angie
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- [31:05]
Hallie
Okay guys, that was a fun segment. But like, honestly, don't take any advice from Reddit ever. It's a bunch of bullshit and I would not be taking my sex tips from Reddit. Like, no decline. Anyways, let's go on to our next segment which is going to be kindness and wow, who am I spreading kindness to today? And who will rue for eternity and days to come? Let me just tell you, I'm gonna start with. I'm gonna spread kindness to my friend Hunter. Hunter, that beautiful, sexy man I stayed with all weekend. He's one of my good friends. He let me stay at his East Hampton home and that was just really nice of him because he didn't have to do that. He didn't have to put up with my ass all week. He's just such a dear friend and I love him and we had such a fucking fun weekend and I hope to do it again with him sometime. Sometime soon. Maybe not in the summer though, because I will be recovering from that Montauk weekend until I'm like 32. But whatever, we had a good time and I love him. And if you're watching this, I love you and you're sexy and I wish you were straight. Anyways, who are you? There's this one brand I'm not going to say who it is they're going to ru because they won't work with me because I'm not brand safe. What the fuck about me is not fucking brand safe, you motherfuckers. Dumb pieces of motherfucking shit. I don't even want to work with your brand anyways. Ugly tasting ass shit. I'm not bitter or anything, unlike your fucking drink. But, like, I'm not bitter. But yeah, you're going to roo and you will fucking eat your words eventually. Who else will rue? My history teacher in seventh grade that caught me plagiarizing and wouldn't let me go on the school whaling trip because she made me rewrite the whole fucking paper. I didn't know at the age of 11 that copy and pasting and changing minimal wording was plagiarism. I was doing the googling. I did the work. I googled. It was a tough lesson, but you didn't have to lock me inside the classroom and make me miss class activities. So I had to rewrite the whole paper while you watched over me making sure everything was footnoted. It was really a footnoting issue. Oh, you know who also Ru? That teacher from my high school that just got arrested for being a fucking pervert. Like, cut the shit. What's up with these fucking perverts lingering at all girls Catholic schools. What are you doing? You're a fucking weird perv. You're gonna rue who also rue the passport companies. It's very difficult. I am a smart girl. I like to think that's what my mom tells me every day. I would like to think that it's easy to get a passport renewed. It's really not. They make it really difficult for you. They really want to work for that. I was like, I don't know how to do these things. Where's the time of the day? I can't go in person. You need a headshot with a blank wall. But like, why can't I use this? Like, from my Instagram? It's very confusing. And I'm just a girl. Men should have to deal with this. I don't know why I have to do it. It's rude. I could keep going. I could have a whole episode of like people and things that will ru. I'm going to stop there. But anyways, for the next segment, we have listener submissions. I asked you guys to tell me something bad shit crazy. I promise these will remain anonymous. And let's go through some of them. They were fucking nuts. You guys are nuts. And it makes me feel sane. So thank you. I used to schedule my boss's affairs in his calendar, but labeled them as home showings so his wife, who shared that calendar, wouldn't know he was out cheating. That's crazy. And you are an accomplice. I'm not judging you. I'm judging the man. It's always the man's fault. But, wow. He probably thought this poor wife was probably like, damn. Like, my man is making bank. He is bringing home the bacon. He was trying. He's trying to support us. Look at all these showings. No, he's just getting his dick wet. What an. But, like, that's kind of tea that would entertain the out of me. I'm assuming this man is in real estate, so I'm, like, wondering, like, was he actually doing showings? And just like. Like, these people, like, on the kitchen counter or some. Because that's, like, kind of hot. Like, I've watched porn like that. I watch a lot of porn like that, actually. So I, like, I get the vision. But he's a bad man, and he will root. He's on my list. That's t. Okay, next. If my boyfriend of five years doesn't propose me this year, I'm gonna his friends, period. Girl, period. I didn't even hesitate there. Get that rock. Or just suck off his friends. Like, I would do the same shit. I'm not judging you at all. I support this with my full jest. Get that rock. Or he can kick rocks. I mean, I've seen people in relationships, and I feel like six plus years, it gets to be like, okay, what are we doing? I mean, it depends how old you are, of course. I feel like if you're dating, like, high school sweethearts or whatever, and maybe you're just like, 21 now. Like, that's pretty young to get engaged for most people, so I get that. But if you're in your 30s and he still hasn't given you a rock after five years, like, I would just move on and fuck his friends because his friends might be able to give you what you want. A fat rock. Are his friends hot, too? And you set me up with one. DM Me? I gave an NBA player a foot job, and he asked me to finger his ass. But I had acrylics. Oh, my God, guys, I am obsessed with you all. I once have done this. I once had the press on nails. These are my real nails now. But I have fingered a guy's ass with my acrylics. And I had really bad job at, like, Biting my nails, I would bite them down basically to the bone. So when I would stick. Do the stick on glue on nails, they would fall off so easily. So I remember, like, I would lose my nails and like, this one guy's ass on the regular to the point where, like, I just start taking them off. Before I did it, I would just, like, rip it off and, like, throw it behind me and, like, fingers, ass. Then if you, like, saw me in the streets and I had, like, all my hands, like, fingers on besides, like, these two, you knew I had a good weekend anyways. I think that's. I didn't even acknowledge the foot job part. That's interesting. A foot job is something I've never really tapped into. You know, these NBA players can be into some weird shit. How does that even work? Are they obsessed with the foot, or do they like the foot feeling on their dick? I've always wondered. And that's like, a lot of working out that. Do you have to have very flexible, like, hip joints for that to really work? If I'm picturing it the way it should be picked, I want to finish this up with saying, I respect you. I see you, and I'm not judging you. I think that's kind of fun. And it. Whatever. Okay, next. I crashed my boyfriend's car on purpose because he wouldn't shut the up. These men won't shut the up. I get you, honey. Sometimes that's the only way out. I'm hoping it was, like, just a slight fender bender and it wasn't something insane with insane damage. Who's paying for that? These are the questions I have in mind. But, like, sometimes these fucking men won't shut the up. Put a sock in it. I would just dump the. I was getting my nails done once. When they tapped the phone, it went to a video of me and doggy girl. I feel like this has happened to me before too, but, like, not with me. I was having sex with this guy, and we were having so much morning sex. And then we. Whatever. I went to go shower after, and while I was showering, he must have been watching porn or whatever or something. We get in the car, like, CarPlay goes on to his phone, and porn just pops up. And I was like, we just had nine rounds. Like, what possible. Like, how does your dick even have anything left in it? It's probably shooting blank. But that was, like, kind of reminded me of that story. I don't know. He was fucking weirdo and sex addict. But it's okay. They probably didn't Know what was going on anyways? Just say it was like a cinematic masterpiece and that you were like a creative arts major or something. That's what I would have done. I would have never showed face at that nail salon ever again, though. Okay, what's next? My boyfriend almost broke up with me the other night because I told him I had a body before him. What is wrong with these men? Your boyfriend would hate me. That's like, the first thing that comes to mind. He would hate my guts. I would break up with him over this. To be honest, he sounds like a prude loser. Like, why is he shaming you for that? And you should break up with him immediately. Starting having an anaphylactic reaction while hooking up with Guy because he had peanuts earlier that day. I've actually heard of this happening. Like, horror stories of this happening. Always have your EpiPen on you, because God forbid a man likes to PB&J. But also, these are things if you're highly allergic to peanuts. This is a conversation I would have before or making out or anything like that would be the first thing I tell someone is, I will die if I eat peanuts. So, like, let's not eat peanuts if you want to touch me. Like, these should be conversations he should be having. Just for your own safety, you know? We gotta stay safe out there, babe. Okay. 69 with a guy queefed on his face. Uncontrollable. He jet launched me off the bed. Rue he will brew. That's kind of funny, though. I feel like a man wouldn't be really scared of a queef, though. He sounds like a ass. Like, grow up. Just a queef. They don't hurt. They don't bite. 69 is also like. I feel like a queef is prone to happen. He should know better. But I would have punched him in the face if he had launched me off the bed like that. I would have slapped him, backhanded him in the fucking face. Goodbye. Never talk to him again. He sounds like a weirdo. My boyfriend is 22 and his mom sold his laundry. Well, listen, when I'm home, my mom does my laundry too. She doesn't let me touch it. In my opinion, she doesn't want me to with the laundry. She's a very type A but perfectionistic OCD queen, which I don't mind because she does really, really, really good laundry. So maybe this is that situation. If he lives alone and is dropping off his laundry to his mom's house, that's a different story. I don't do That I can figure it out when I'm in my own apartment, but, you know, 22, he gets a little grace. That's not the craziest thing I've ever heard. Well, on the list of things that we've read off today, I feel like that's on the, you know, tamer side. But if he's still doing this at 30, then we have a conversation that needs to be had. I still think he's in the clear, though. 22 is not that old. Every time I get with the guy, I let him come in me and then I bidet the shit out of my couch. Hashtag no baby, period queen. I don't know what a fudgeing bidet is. I just had to ask production, which we kind of go, what's a bidet? A bidet, like, I would even buy that, like, Amazon, like, fudge, but I feel like that's not good for your PH levels at the end of the day. I would just pee immediately after or get an IUD. Babe, it's 20, 25. Get that IUD. I promise you it's not terrible pain. It's not fun, but it's better than giving birth. That shit's probably really painful, but bidet sounds like a lot of work, and it'll probably take out the natural PH of your own vagina. And we got to keep that or you're going to get yeast infections or be prompt to, like, utis and shit. Like, it's a very complex creature we have down. But I get a. Cream pie's hot. I'm into cream pies, too. He needed space, so I vlogged and posted it in our shared album when I wanted to chat. That's so real. That's like, the level of crazy I want to be on in my next relationship. It's giving, like, having conversations with people through, like, Venmo or, like, email or, like, I've had, like, people I know, like, Chad, like, with one of his ex girlfriends, they used to, like, contact him through, like, LinkedIn. Like, crazy ass. But I feel like this is fine. I wouldn't do it, though, because if he's asking for space, it's probably because of, like, this that you're doing, you know? Like, maybe just take a be and give him a moment. Let him miss you. Let's let that heart grow fond, babe. Let him miss you. I feel like that's a very important thing that I wish I knew when I was younger is, like, allowing a guy to miss you is so important and healthy for a Relationship. That's funny, though. And I respect the level of crazy. Guys love fucking crazy bitches. We've discussed this. One time, a guy whipped out a carton of milk from his nightstand during back shots. Why? Like, was he thirsty or did he want to pour it on you? Did he want to, like, emulate, like, the image of come all over your body? I have a lot of questions. I feel like that would smell and probably soil his bed. That sounds like a very messy situation. I don't know how I feel about this. To be honest. I probably wouldn't talk to this man much more. My situationship didn't hit it good last night when we hooked up. I texted him that it's over, period. I have nothing to say besides period. If he's not hitting it right, he's not going to learn how to hit it right. And we can't be teaching these men how to hit it in 2025. I'm so sick of teaching men how to, like, know what to do in bed. Like, I'm. I'm too old for this. So if he's not hitting it right, and even as a situationship, because sometimes we're so delulu to thinking, like, the sex is better than it is. If you think your situationship isn't hitting it right, he is not hitting it right. And that's on. Period. Thank you. Okay, next one. Fisting is underrated. If you're a size queen, you must try it. Like, you like that much girth. Is the girth worth it? I mean, I don't know. I feel like if I can handle anal, then I can really handle anything in there, but I just don't think fisting would just, like, cross my board like that. Like, it just doesn't sound appealing. And a fist is fucking big. Well, my fist isn't. I probably could handle my own fist. Maybe I'll try fisting myself first and seeing how it feels. And then maybe I could ask someone to do it. But that's crazy. There's also a lot of knuckles going on, you know, like, maybe if it was shaped right. I'm just trying to look at my fist right now. Also, like, would have to take my rings off. That could get interesting. But, I mean, I'll give it a go. I'll give anything a go. Once I told my situationship that I was in a car accident and he sent me a dick pic in response. He sounds like a immature loser, but, like, also, like, he probably thought that was the funniest thing ever. But also, are you okay, that's, like, so rude to reply that I would never talk to him again. That's such, like, a Snapchat thing to do, which makes me feel like this guy's really young and immature. He needs kick rocks, and you deserve better than that. Also, like, get off Snapchat if he's snapping you. We've talked about this, guys. If he's snapping you. No, he's too young, and you need to know, decline. Unless you're, like, 16 to 21, then that's okay. Okay, next one. My friend wanted to steal a guy's insulin pump so she could pretend to have it and save him. Oh, my God, that's fucking bad. Crazy. But, like, what if he accidentally died? Is that insulin for diabetes? Yeah. Yeah, babe, we got to give him back the insulin pump. We got to give him back if he starts seizing or having, like, an issue on the floor. And then, oh, I see what you're doing there. Honestly, it's kind of genius, but, like, evil. But, like, genius. Just, like, don't forget where you put it. And then you could have, like, a save the day moment. I mean, oh, my God, I think I'm crazy, and then I reach it like this, and I'm like, think, thank God I'm not. Or maybe I should get on another level of crazy. Sometimes I think I'm not crazy enough. I'm kind of passive sometimes, but, like, I'm crazy in silence. Like, no one's gonna ever know. Like, I'm spiraling in my own brain, but that's okay. Okay, last one. I was this couple, and the boyfriend would lock the girlfriend in the closet while he me. Oh, that's kind of hot. But, like, I would be really mad if I was the girlfriend. Also, that's not, like a threesome. That's, like, getting kidnapped. Like, this girl's like. I'm picturing this girl, like, banging down the door, and, like, all she hears is, like, that's like, a cuckold situation. All she hears is, like, oh, my God, her boyfriend railing another girl. That would, like, be my worst nightmare. But if you're into that kind of. Maybe she's, like, in the closet masturbating. I don't know. This could go two ways. Either, like, really hot or really, really scary and not. And, like, this guy needs to, like, be stopped. But if this couple, I'm assuming, is into, like, taking on a third, then it was probably, like, the latter. They probably were, like, were into it. That was crazy, too. I love this. For her, I would do that with a couple once I was at this, like, I was at, like, a bar in New York, and this couple honed in on me. They were, like, so obsessed with bringing me home, but it was almost like in a sketchy kind of way, like, where they, like, kind of were, like, were scouting out girls. And, like, she was, like, coming on to me through the guy, and she was like, we want you to come home with us. And I was like, I don't. I'm not into that. She's like, well, like, we really want you. Like, we think it'd be fun. We do this with girls all the time. Like, you're super sexy and hot. Like, come home with me. And the guy wasn't even talking to me. It wasn't like, a group effort. It was like the guy gave her the thumbs up, and the girl was the one, like, trying to sell me on it. I think I was, like, in catchy Shibi or something, and like, this very loud, like, clubby space, and I was like, oh, my God, I need to get the fuck out of the situation. It was kind of sketchy, but it was fine. I love to tell the story. Anyways, these were fucking crazy. I love these. I love the segment. We have to do this again. I'm gonna save the rest for, like, next week's episode or something. But anyways, I love you guys. This is such a fun episode. As always. Like, subscribe, comment, tell your friends about this podcast. Say nice things. As always, you can watch me on YouTube and you can listen to me on any other platform. But for now, I love you guys. Enjoy your week. Enjoy your weekend. Love you all. Bye.
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