Righto, this week’s been a goodie. I had a really fun audition that was set in the 70’s and called for a New York accent. I was lucky, I had a week to work on this script (usually you get a day or 2), so I worked with my dialect coach to get some help with the NY accent. Building the set and costume was so much fun! I didn’t realise that a lot of my wardrobe can transform into 70’s boho pretty easily. I even wore my Grandpa’s watch from 1971 and my Nan’s jewellery to really get into the era. My Nan’s ring especially felt like it suited this character (I posted a couple of pics onto my Substack feed of the look and vibe I went for).

Here’s the truth though, over the past month. I’ve put up a handful of auditions I truly thought I’d be a good fit for. I’ve given them my all, and sent them off into casting ether. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but if you dont get the gig, you dont get feedback, you dont even get a “No” you just get silence, nothing, an air sandwich. So this week I really grappled with self doubt before I sent this audition off. I had a big old cry in my therapy session and I learnt that most of my fears are total bullshit. But even as I hit send yesterday, I still felt like a failure, I still doubted myself, even though I know I gave it everything. I have no idea if that feeling ever leaves you as an artist, but one thing I do know about myself is that, even with bucket loads of doubt, I still submitted the tape, so to me, that’s a win. Moving forward, despite the fear.

So maybe as creatives that’s all we need to do, feel the fear and do it anyway…

Big Love

Lola x

p.s i also did an oracle card reading for you at the very end of this diary ep! Hope it resonates with you, there's some goodies in there!

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