Plain Vanilla Ice Cream

I just want plain vanilla ice cream. I am in our church fellowship hall, it’s a large multipurpose building with a dining area, kitchen, and serving area. I am walking up to the table to place my order of ice cream. I really don’t care for ice cream, but occasionally I will just randomly crave it. I usually don’t even finish it. But my pastor had bought a commercial-style ice cream machine for our church and was obsessing over it. It even somehow found his way into sermons and he was constantly tinkering with it. So I guess all that talk made me want to try some.

Now I am at the table where my close friend is serving. I say to her, “I just want plain vanilla ice cream.” Of course, she tries to talk me into extra toppings. Because want kind of person just wants plain vanilla ice cream? “No, I just want plain vanilla ice cream”, so she rushes to the machine, but hands the bowl off to a stranger. This stranger walks up to the table and gives me the ice cream. She is beautiful. She has long auburn colored hair and green eyes. But when she smiles, it’s like the world stops spinning. I’ve liked some girls before but never had a person captivate me like this.

So I give her my awkward introverted smile back but I am speechless. I want to ask, “who are you?”, but I just can’t get the words to come out of my mouth. I didn’t know it at the time, but one year later at the same place, we would be formally introduced by my pastor, eventually fall madly in love, get married and raise a family together. It’s a journey that started with plain vanilla ice cream. A moment that is frozen in time. The moment when I saw her for the first time.

Our journey together is not over, but hanging over me is this dark cloud of dread and fear. It’s the unknown. The moment when I will see her for the last time. I don’t know when it will be, who will go first, or whether it will be unexpected or not. But I am hoping that I will look into her green eyes, hold her hand, and see her smile one last time. Because, after all, I just wanted plain vanilla ice cream, but she has given me so much more.

“To love is to be afraid. You are frightened, deathly terrified, that something will happen to those you love. […] And love enslaves us all, for you cannot have love without fear.”

― Marie Lu

I think that fear and love are two of the most powerful emotions in the world. Fear keeps us from doing things that we otherwise would have and love makes us do things that we otherwise would not. Marriage is where fear and love collide. Maybe that is why falling in love is such a powerful emotion. The fear of rejection is blasted away by the feelings of love and acceptance. God made marriage to be this delicate balance between fear and love. But it is the joy and victory of love over the fear that makes love so amazing.

This is the story of fear and love. This is how love wins.

Overcome Fear by Living in the Present

The Power of Now

Fear makes your mind fast forward to an uncertain future. But by focusing on the now that is certain you can ground yourself at the moment you are in. I cannot control what might happen in the future, but I live in the moment I am in right now. Tomorrow everything could change but right now I have the love of my life by my side.

At a sweetheart banquet at our church, I passed out note cards and everyone wrote down their worst fear about marriage. By far the most common was losing your spouse. Other answers included failing your spouse in some way. All of them involved the future. The reality is that those fears could become a reality.

The chance of one of you dying before the other is real. Depending on your particular situation, I am sure that things like age, health, and lifestyle play into it. But it’s at least a 50/50 chance that your spouse will die before you.

So, you overcome this fear by living in the moment you are in, instead of the one that you are not. God gives you grace to live in the moment you are in right now, not the one that you might be in tomorrow. By distancing yourself from the future, you can learn to live in the Grace that God has given you for today.

Jesus, in His great Sermon on the Mount, said the following:

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:33-34

Jesus was teaching that you should live in the present instead of worrying about tomorrow. Fear of tomorrow is overcome by living in today. There is this song that I enjoy listening too, it is sung by several groups and it’s called Fear not Tomorrow. It contains the powerful words, “Fear not tomorrow, God is already there.” God will be there for you tomorrow just like He is today.

The Power of Here

I want you to open your Bible and put your hands on the pages. You are here right now in this moment and all the promises of God’s Word are right here with you. Fear is no match for the truth of God’s world. And that truth will help you when nothing else in this world can.

A car battery has a red (hot wire) and a black (ground wire). The ground wire is connected to the frame of the car and without that “grounding” the red wire can’t work right. So the car will not start, and all the electronics will not come on. Love and faith are the same way, if it is not grounded to the frame of the Bible it just will not work right. Touch your Bible, read its pages, memorize it, and ground your love for the Lord and your spouse in its truths.

Truth is the antecedent of fear. All three of my daughters went through this phase where they were afraid of the dark. So one of the things I did to help them was I would turn on the lights and let them look at everything in the room, under the bed, in the closet, and behind the door. Then when I turned out the lights, I explained to them that the room was exactly the same as before. The truth drives out fear. God’s Word is the ultimate truth, and you are experiencing truth right now where you are at. Reality is truth and it is here, fear is in the future and it is not here.

For example, if you have a fear of your spouse cheating on you, turn the lights on so you can see the truth. Talk to them about it and see what they are doing on their phone or the computer. Or ask them to tell you about their relationships outside of the home. So by “turning on the lights” and exposing the truth you destroy that fear. Truth triumphs over fear.

Use the truth that you have right now to overcome whatever fear you are experiencing in your life. The Bible is the ultimate light, so use that light to ground you in the present and keep your mind from drifting to fear of the future. When I am afraid about something, I find a bible verse about it, and I quote it to myself. That verse that I have in my heart keeps me grounded in the present and helps me stay with God right now.

I love the words of Psalm 119

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Blessed art thou, O Lord: teach me thy statutes. With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches. I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways. I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.
Psalm 119: 11-16

The power of God’s Word in the here and now is the greatest weapon against any fear that you could ever have. If you have fear in your life, use the truth in the Bible to ground you to the here and now.

The Power of Praise

I like to think about how incredibly good God is to me. His goodness is something that I can rejoice in right now. In fact, if nothing else I can rejoice in who He is to me. This a...