Forever Ago – Special Spring Break Episode: Ketchup vs. Ranch Showdown

Release Date: May 7, 2025
Host/Author: American Public Media
Podcast Series: Forever Ago® – A history show for the whole family by Brains On

Episode Overview

In this special Spring Break episode of Forever Ago, host Joy and producer Nico Gonzalez Whistler take a hiatus, handing the spotlight over to their friends at Smash Boom Best. This edition features a tantalizing debate between two beloved condiments: Ketchup and Ranch. Hosted by Molly Bloom, the episode promises a “saucy showdown” filled with humor, creativity, and insightful arguments, making it a must-listen for condiment enthusiasts and history buffs alike.

Introduction to the Show

The episode kicks off with Molly Bloom introducing Smash Boom Best, a debate-centered show where two contenders are pitted against each other for the title of "best." In this installment, Ranch is defended by comedian and writer Davon Bland, while Ketchup is championed by Merk Nguyen. Caroline, from Mendota Heights, Minnesota, serves as the judge, bringing her creative flair to the proceedings.

Molly Bloom (00:00):
"Hi, I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best."

Declaration of Greatness

Ranch Takes the Stage

Davon Bland passionately advocates for Ranch, highlighting its versatility and emotional connection.

Davon Bland (04:16):
"Ranch is a delicious dressing and dip that has stood the test of time. With its creamy but slightly tangy flavor, it is America's favorite salad dressing."

He shares a nostalgic story about how Ranch helped him enjoy vegetables as a child, emphasizing its role in fostering friendships and togetherness. The inclusion of Randy the Cool Ranch Kid, a playful persona, adds a humorous touch to his declaration.

Randy the Cool Ranch Kid (06:29):
"Stephen and his wife eventually bought a ranch that they named Hidden Valley, where they sold the dressing. Hidden Valley Ranch is still sold in stores today."

Ketchup Counters

Merk Nguyen responds by tracing Ketchup’s deep historical roots and its global influence, presenting it as the ultimate comfort condiment.

Merk Nguyen (09:07):
"In English, we call it fish sauce. Now, you might be thinking a fishy catch is a little. I disagree. It's rich in smell and history dating back to 300 BC."

He creatively connects Ketchup’s origins from Southeast Asian fish sauces to its modern-day ubiquity, showcasing its adaptability across various cuisines worldwide.

Rebuttals

Ranch Strikes Back

Davon Bland counters Merk’s points by addressing Ketchup’s acidity and sugar content, questioning its health implications.

Davon Bland (13:40):
"You're telling me that ketchup has so much acidity in it that it could take rust off things. That is, you don't want that inside your body."

Ketchup Defends Its Throne

Merk Nguyen retorts by likening Ketchup to the evolving Pokémon, symbolizing its enduring popularity and versatility.

Merk Nguyen (14:11):
"But ketchup is like the Pokemon of sauces. It gets stronger and stronger with each iteration."

Micro Round: Shakespearean Monologues

Both debaters showcase their creativity through Shakespearean-style monologues, adding a theatrical flair to the debate.

Merk Nguyen delivers an elaborate ode to Ketchup, intertwining historical references with pop culture nods.

Merk Nguyen (19:37):
"Attention to all citizens of Bland Land. I apologize for how society's been run by former ruler Ranch's ravenous hands..."

Davon Bland responds with a lyrical homage to Ranch, infusing poetic language that highlights its superior taste and cultural significance.

Davon Bland (21:23):
"Ranch a salad dressed a tang for thine own tongue. Verily, I seek the ranch, my search begun."

Sneak Attack: Fashion Line Challenge

In an improvised round, debaters conceptualize fashion lines inspired by their condiments.

Davon Bland envisions Ranch Magazine, featuring cowboy chic with a touch of whimsy.

Davon Bland (24:16):
"We're talking leather cowboy hats... little lassos that you could grab your ranch with, but they're all bedazzled with diamonds and things like that."

Merk Nguyen introduces Ketchup Chromatica, a vibrant and versatile fashion line reflecting Ketchup’s diverse applications.

Merk Nguyen (25:22):
"Ketchup Chromatica. This Glistening red treasure packs a powerful punch... ketchup crocs... and ketchup night guards."

Final Round: Six-Word Slogans

Both debaters succinctly encapsulate their condiment's essence in six words.

Merk Nguyen (27:18):
"Ketchup. The ultimate Pokemon of sauces."

Davon Bland (27:31):
"Ranch Helps food taste better."

Judgment and Conclusion

After a tightly contested debate, Caroline awards the victory to Ranch, citing its humorous approach and engaging storytelling.

Caroline (28:03):
"Ranch."

The episode concludes with heartfelt shouts of appreciation from both debaters, reflecting mutual respect despite the competition.

Davon Bland (29:01):
"I think Merk did a great job."

Merk Nguyen (29:38):
"Aww, Davon. I just want to say, you know, you are a legend."

Notable Quotes

• Molly Bloom (03:26):
  "Every debate consists of four the declaration, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six."

• Davon Bland (04:16):
  "Ranch is all about friendship, togetherness and making sure folks enjoy what they eat."

• Merk Nguyen (09:07):
  "Today we use ketchup on so many American favorites like meatloaf, burgers, fries, and hot dogs."

• Caroline (28:32):
  "Ranch is fun because it was, like, funnier."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Forever Ago seamlessly blends the educational mission of the series with the entertaining format of Smash Boom Best. By delving into the history, cultural impact, and personal anecdotes surrounding Ketchup and Ranch, listeners gain a multifaceted understanding of these everyday condiments. The engaging debate, enriched with creativity and humor, underscores how seemingly ordinary items like sauces can have fascinating backstories and significant roles in our lives.

For those eager to decide for themselves, Smash Boom Best invites listeners to vote online, ensuring that the battle continues beyond the episode.

Head to smashboom.org to cast your vote and join the conversation!

Special Thanks to:

• Hosts: Molly Bloom, Joy, Nico Gonzalez Whistler
• Debaters: Davon Bland (Ranch), Merk Nguyen (Ketchup)
• Judge: Caroline from Mendota Heights
• Production Team: Anna Wegel, Aron Walda Selassie, Jess, Dueler, Derek Ramirez, Shayla Farzan, Sandon Totten, Rebecca Rand, Rosie Dupont, Rachel Breese, Anna Goldfield, Ruby Guthrie, Lauren Humpert, Joshua Ray, Mark Sanchez, Charlotte Traver
• Executive Producers: Beth Pearlman, Chandra Kavati, Joanne Griffith
• Announcer: Marley Foyer Worker Otto

Stay tuned for more exciting debates and historical explorations in future episodes of Forever Ago!