Forever35 Podcast Episode 344: Becoming A Man with Ash Perez

Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Guest: Ash Perez
Release Date: March 17, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 344 titled "Becoming A Man," Forever35 hosts Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu sit down with Ash Perez, a multifaceted writer and producer known for his work across various media platforms. Ash brings a rich perspective as a first-generation queer individual of Cuban, Korean, and Filipino descent, navigating personal transformation and professional growth in the public eye.

Self-Care Practices and the Impact of COVID-19

Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu begin by reflecting on the five-year anniversary of the COVID-19 shutdowns, sharing personal anecdotes about the early days of the pandemic. This sets the stage for Ash Perez to discuss how COVID-19 significantly altered his life.

Ash Perez elaborates on his self-care journey during the pandemic:

"My self care is just like, I'll even text my girlfriend and be like, if she's not in the house with me, I'll be like, hey, I'm going on do not disturb. And I just watch basketball and it is so nice. And like even during commercials and stuff, like I don't go to my phone, I just sit there and try and like be present."
(12:23)

He emphasizes the importance of single-discipline focus, limiting phone usage to enhance mental well-being:

"I started putting, like, limits on my phone and the apps, and it just gives you cognizance of, like, how often you're on it."
(13:04)

Professional Journey and Transition to Los Angeles

Ash Perez shares his professional trajectory, highlighting his rise from an intern at BuzzFeed to becoming a full-time writer and producer in Los Angeles. His move was significantly influenced by Doree Shafrir, who encouraged him to join her team, facilitating his transition from the bustling environment of New York to the creative hub of LA.

"You're actually the reason that I was able to move to LA, because I was in New York at BuzzFeed and did not want to be there anymore..."
(15:13)

Personal Transformation and Gender Transition

The conversation delves deep into Ash's personal life, particularly his gender transition following the loss of his father to COVID-19. This pivotal moment led Ash to reassess his identity and embrace his true self.

Ash Perez reflects on shedding old identities tied to his father's expectations:

"When my dad died, I realized, like, I had so much. I was so tied to the idea of being Daddy's girl... Those layers kind of just shed themselves."
(25:10)

He discusses his ongoing journey with transitioning and the physical and emotional changes it entails:

"So growth is constant. I'm starting to get my beard. My voice is still lowering... I have acne because I am just going through a second adolescence right now."
(32:40)

Exploring Masculinity and Manhood

Ash Perez offers a nuanced exploration of masculinity, contrasting his experiences as a transgender man with societal norms. He highlights the privileges associated with manhood while grappling with its complexities.

"The biggest thing that's fucking insane is just feeling physically safe wherever I go... I get a lot more respect. I feel like if I say something, people automatically default to listening to me."
(28:56)

Ash also shares insights from his series "New Guy Tries," which chronicles his journey into manhood and examines broader themes of masculinity and patriarchy:

"We were all reflecting on our dads and brothers and Systems of where. Where did we get this from?"
(27:37)

Dealing with Fame and Public Life

Ash discusses his accidental rise to fame through BuzzFeed, managing public recognition, and maintaining personal boundaries amidst growing online attention.

"We went in a span of six months from nobody knowing us to having 700,000 followers... But now, post my dad, I'm very public about my grief and I share pretty much every part of that."
(35:32)

He reflects on the challenges of being relatable online while preserving his authentic self:

"My whole personality was about being awkward. It kept me in this kind of stasis of staying young and awkward, even as I was maturing a little bit."
(36:03)

Relationship with Family

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Ash's relationship with his mother, Cookie, and how her support has been instrumental during his transition.

Ash Perez recounts the initial struggle his mother faced when he came out as bisexual and later as transgender:

"Fifteen years ago, when I came out as bisexual, my mom cried for, like, four years and couldn't deal with it... Now she's been putting together so much stuff from my childhood."
(42:26)

He highlights the evolving understanding and acceptance within his family:

"My mom just saw me and was like, oh, my God, you're so much happier... So let them do whatever they're doing to be happy, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else."
(44:52)

Facing Transphobia and Advocacy

Ash addresses the current socio-political climate, emphasizing the threats faced by non-cis, non-white identities, especially trans children. He advocates for empathy and understanding as critical tools to combat transphobia.

"I just try and, like, you can be a dick or not... the only way through this is for everybody to have more empathy."
(47:54)

He shares personal experiences of encountering transphobia and the importance of supportive communities:

"I got uninvited to my best friend's bachelorette party because she didn't feel comfortable seeing me shirtless... The last thing trans people and people of color need right now is to be a sounding board for all of the horror that's happening in the world."
(45:07)

Self-Care Practices Continued

Ash elaborates on his ongoing self-care strategies, aligning them with his personal growth and mental health maintenance.

"I don't read the news. I don't need to know how horrible things are for trans people. It's terrifying to just be myself and be in my body."
(48:38)

He emphasizes creating meaningful content as a coping mechanism and a way to foster human connection:

"All I can do as a trans person is to put my humanity on display, and then it's your choice whether you want to be a dick or not."
(49:49)

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Ash Perez encourages listeners to engage with his work, including his series "New Guy Tries" and his Substack newsletter. The hosts express their gratitude for Ash's candidness and the depth of the conversation, highlighting the importance of such dialogues in fostering understanding and self-care.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Ash Perez: "When my dad died, I realized... Those layers kind of just shed themselves." (25:10)

• Ash Perez: "The biggest thing that's fucking insane is just feeling physically safe wherever I go... I get a lot more respect." (28:56)

• Ash Perez: "We were all reflecting on our dads and brothers and Systems of where. Where did we get this from?" (27:37)

• Ash Perez: "I don't read the news. I don't need to know how horrible things are for trans people. It's terrifying to just Be myself and be in my body." (48:38)

• Ash Perez: "All I can do as a trans person is to put my humanity on display, and then it's your choice whether you want to be a dick or not." (49:49)

Where to Find Ash Perez

• Substack: What Are We Even Doing Here?
• Instagram: @ash_perez
• Series: New Guy Tries on Second Try

This episode of Forever35 offers a profound and intimate look into Ash Perez's journey of self-discovery, professional evolution, and the intricate dance of embracing one's authentic self amidst societal challenges. It's a must-listen for anyone navigating similar paths or seeking deeper understanding of gender, identity, and resilience.