Podcast Summary: Forever35, Episode 376
Title: Women, Texting, Talking with Kate Baer
Date: November 3, 2025
Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Guest: Kate Baer (Author & Poet)
Episode Overview
In this engaging and heartfelt episode, Doree and Elise welcome poet and bestselling author Kate Baer back to the podcast to discuss her new poetry collection, How About Now. The conversation weaves together personal anecdotes on sportsmanship, self-care practices, the sustaining power of female friendships, the evolving landscape of social media, and Kate's creative process. The hosts and guest share a genuine, often humorous, and always self-aware look at adulthood, change, and what it means to support one another.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Doree’s Tennis Team Adventure (02:17–16:37)
- Tournament Recap: Doree shares a detailed play-by-play of her rec tennis team's journey to the national championships in Scottsdale, including strategy, team dynamics, and high-stakes drama.
- Sportsmanship & Strategy:
- Doree prioritized fairness and rest for her team, promising each player at least one match (03:14).
- She meticulously researched opponents, using a spreadsheet to track players and "stacking" strategies (03:57).
- Dramatic Match & Unexpected Victory:
- Doree recalls a pivotal, suspenseful match involving a competitor's injury, leading to her own win by default and her team advancing (07:00–11:24).
- “I was down 1:5 in the second set... I started to feel a little bit better. I was like, okay, I can rally…” – Doree (07:00)
- Aftermath & Reflections:
- Describes awkward interactions with the other team post-match and muses on the randomness and emotional complexity of winning that way (13:07–14:44).
- Elise draws a parallel to a recent Wimbledon outcome, highlighting the unpredictability of sports (13:30).
2. Introducing Kate Baer (19:33–20:14)
- Kate’s Return: The hosts express excitement about reconnecting with Kate and introduce her latest poetry collection, How About Now.
- Life Updates: Kate reflects on a period of huge personal and world change, joking, “Every time I’ve ever put out a book... it’s been unprecedented times. At a certain point we can stop saying that.” (19:57)
- Midlife Crisis: Kate candidly shares experiencing health issues and existential anxiety at 38, which inspired her book (21:06).
3. Self-Care in Practice (22:12–24:38)
- Kate’s Routine:
- Daily long walks—“My self-care is just leaving my family and going for a walk.” (22:56)
- Prefers walking alone: “I want to be completely alone by myself so I can like, feel my… body, like feel myself away from everything.” (23:17)
- Mixes upbeat music, silence, and voice messages from friends.
- Friendship Voice Notes:
- Evangelizes for the Marco Polo app; frequent, casual voice memos nurture deeper, more intimate relationships (25:02).
- “It creates an intimacy that’s like a marriage. And I need those kind of relationships in my life.” – Kate (25:22)
4. Poetry Reading: "Women Texting, Talking" (27:08–27:43)
- Kate reads her poem "Women Talking," which exemplifies the day-to-day support and humor shared with friends via group texts.
- “We all write back, man do I love frogs, and go about our days.” – Kate (27:43)
- Elise celebrates the poem’s nod to real friends: “And you get to name check some of your friends too.” (27:46)
5. Friendship as Lifeline (29:59–32:08)
- Meaning of Close Friendships:
- “I could never stay married, I could never raise my children without friends.” – Kate (30:25)
- Historicizes and normalizes women’s communal support structures, from Amish porches to modern group chats.
- On Marriages and Expectations:
- “To put so much pressure on this one other person to fulfill all your emotional needs is nuts.” – Kate (31:44)
6. Instagram, Social Media, & Creative Work (32:08–35:20)
- Social Media Evolution:
- Discusses how platforms, especially Instagram, have become more commercial and algorithm-driven, complicating authentic engagement and book promotion.
- “Now I’m pushing my book cart down a kind of empty street…” – Kate (33:01)
- Concerns:
- Expresses unease about the future of online spaces: “Our literacy rates are dropping... It’s such the wild west of the Internet.” (34:22–35:20)
7. The Creative Process and Theming in How About Now (36:02–37:23)
- Personal Growth: This book differs from earlier collections due to changes in age and perspective.
- Process: Relies on ongoing notetaking, structured work blocks, and drawing deeply from real life.
- Inspiration: Finds solace and material in stories by and about women, in both literature and friendships.
8. Poetry Reading: "A Self Help Guru on Instagram Tries to Save My Life" (39:59–40:42)
- Kate shares a poem skewering online wellness trends and shallow advice.
- “I will not be baptized in a Bogo wellness workshop free to podcast subscribers...” – Kate (40:00)
- Doree: “I love that so much. And so fancy shade.” (40:43)
9. The Country Life (41:42–43:18)
- Kate discusses pros and cons of moving to the country: loving the privacy and landscape, challenged by some local politics and missing urban conveniences.
10. Favorite Lines and Poems (43:31–44:47)
- Kate’s favorite piece: “You used to text me for nudes but now it’s just for information. For our taxes.” (43:47)
- On writing: “I write so much by ear… when all the chord notes come together, that feels really good.” (44:12)
11. Remaking the World & Taking Action (44:56–48:58)
- Excerpt from “Watershed” prompts Elise’s question: “What are we waiting for? What can we do to remake the world in a softer, kinder image?” (44:56)
- Kate answers:
- The danger of waiting for others to change things—politically or personally.
- “I’m the one that can make the change... If you feel bad about something, taking one action step to help somebody else will immediately make you feel better about everything.” – Kate (47:01)
- Advocates focusing on real-world engagement over online solutions.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On friendship and emotional labor (30:25):
“I could never stay married, I could never raise my children without friends. I don’t think you could go to many corners of the world and not find groups of women gathered talking together. …This is how we’ve always survived.” - On self-care clichés (22:12):
"I feel like people have been telling me my whole life that if I just went for a walk... But I started to go on these daily walks, and I was like, oh, this does help." – Kate - On Instagram burnout (33:01):
“Now I’m pushing my book cart down a kind of empty street because everyone’s over on reels…” - On waiting for someone else to act (47:01):
“If you feel bad about something, taking one action step to help somebody else will immediately make you feel better about everything.” – Kate (attributed to Nora McInerny)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Doree’s Tennis Team Saga: 02:17–16:37
- Kate Baer Introduction/Updates: 19:33–20:14
- Self-Care Practices: 22:12–24:38
- On Friendship via Voice Notes: 25:02–27:08
- Poetry Reading—Women Texting: 27:08–27:43
- Meaning of Friendships: 29:59–32:08
- Instagram/Social Media Overview: 32:08–35:20
- Creative Process: 36:02–37:23
- Poetry Reading—Self Help Guru: 39:59–40:42
- Rural Life Reflection: 41:42–43:18
- Favorite Works Discussion: 43:31–44:47
- Remaking the World/Political Reflection: 44:56–48:58
Episode Tone & Style
Throughout, the conversation is candid, funny, and alive with mutual support and gentle ribbing. The tone blends vulnerability with humor, always circling back to the importance of community, self-reflection, and showing up in the real (not just virtual) world.
Recommended for listeners interested in:
- Poetry and writing
- Female friendship
- Navigating adult life and midlife
- Sports and teamwork as metaphor
- Social media’s impact on creativity and connection
- Resilience, humor, and self-awareness in modern life
Closing:
Kate’s book How About Now is out now. Find her on most platforms @katejbaer. This episode is a love letter to the ways women support each other, survive change, and still make time for the healing magic of a long walk and a good group text.