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Episode 377: Teeing It Up with Hilary Lassoff - Forever35 | Wave AI Podcast Notes

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Episode 377: Teeing It Up with Hilary Lassoff

Forever35

Mon Nov 10 2025

Summary

Forever35 — Episode 377: Teeing It Up with Hilary Lassoff

Date: November 10, 2025
Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Guest: Hilary Lassoff, founder of Bunker Club

Overview

This episode centers on self-care through community and sports, focusing especially on women and queer representation in golf. Doree and Elise welcome Hilary Lassoff, founder of Bunker Club—a social club for women, queers, and underrepresented voices in golf. Through humorous and candid conversation, they explore Hilary’s journey, what Bunker Club stands for, and why golf can be a uniquely empowering act of self-care.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up and Good News (04:02–11:00)

Hosts celebrate recent political victories, particularly in Virginia, and note the role their community played through charitable giving.
Commentary on robust voter turnout and the positive energy in typically bleak times.
Lighthearted conversation about parenting logistics: kids’ birthday parties, dealing with sensory overload, and dividing parenting duties.

Notable Quote:
“Yay for democracy, yay for turnout in an off year. I’m pleasantly surprised because it’s been feeling pretty bleak. But let us just celebrate this one night that was pretty phenomenal.” —Elise Hu [06:46]

2. Introduction to Hilary Lassoff (14:39–15:02)

Doree introduces Hilary as a golfer, poker player, boxer, vintage car enthusiast, and most notably, founder of Bunker Club.
Hilary is described as gregarious, community-minded, and energetic. Doree recounts DM’ing Hilary after learning about Bunker Club.

3. Hilary’s Approach to Self-Care & Mental Wellness (15:02–16:13)

Hilary’s self-care is holistic, extending far beyond skincare into practices like meditation, walking, and, importantly, golf.
Her girlfriend has recently helped deepen her engagement with skincare, but Hilary stresses simple routines and finding mental peace in nature and sport.

Notable Quote:
“For me, self-care runs the gamut. Different things I like to do or partake in that bring fun and peace to the day.” —Hilary Lassoff [15:02]

4. Golf as Self-Care & Personal Growth (16:13–19:18)

Hilary describes golf as both an athletic and personal identity builder, offering her a sense of independence from a young age.
Notes the historical lack of welcome for women and LGBTQ+ people in golf and how Bunker Club addresses this.
Golf became Hilary’s “mental safe space,” allowing her to meet diverse people and eventually inspired the idea for Bunker Club.

Notable Quote:
“It was almost this individualism that I got to play and create my own identity in.” —Hilary Lassoff [16:46]

5. Founding Bunker Club: Mission & Community Building (19:18–23:28)

Bunker Club emerged from a realization that LA lacked inclusive golf and social spaces for women and queer community members.
Hilary describes wanting to create a “golf world” akin to a blend of The L Word’s Planet, Soho House, and a country club—just for underrepresented groups in golf.
Community is at the heart: social events, member dinners, and creating environments where people can fully be themselves.

Notable Quote:
“It’s not about a man versus women thing, but in community, in women, we share something so special… we get to really find safe spaces and learn better.” —Hilary Lassoff [20:22]

6. The Structure and Access to Bunker Club (23:28–24:53)

Events are “traveling,” popping up at various LA locations.
Physical space is a goal for the future. There are plans for satellite memberships and digital connection.
The membership process involves an application and a mutual “energy and vibe check”—emphasizing intentional, positive community building.

7. Bunker Club Programming: Events, Clinics, and Retreats (24:55–27:50)

Monthly member dinners, poker nights, bi-weekly golf clinics (for all levels, total beginners welcome), social events, and retreats (Cabo, Japan).
Callaway donates clubs for use by new golfers—eliminating barriers to entry.
Programming tailored to competitive golfers and casual/curious participants alike, with an emphasis on human connection over business growth.

Memorable Exchange:
“If you’re a person that’s super competitive, we make sure to put you in the competitive groups… whereas somebody that just wants to come and kick it... they get to participate in that as well.” —Hilary Lassoff [26:32]

8. Golf, Identity, and Family History (27:50–32:44)

Elise shares her own (reluctant) golf background, noting how sports culture shaped her adolescence in Texas.
Hilary talks about being a twin and trying many team sports—not just golf—reiterating the value of team and community.

9. Coaching Styles: Growth & Gender Dynamics (35:42–41:10)

Discussion of how coaching approaches affect skill and self-perception, especially for girls and women.
Hilary contrasts the male-dominated, “one size fits all” methods of her youth with more individualized, affirming coaching today.
Importance of seeing each student (child or adult) as unique, and coaching “the person” rather than just the technical skill.

Notable Quote:
“It’s not about teaching people how to play golf. It’s teaching a person.” —Hilary Lassoff [36:21]

10. Why Should (More) Women Try Golf? (42:19–44:34)

Golf is humbling, childlike, and confidence-building. It provides a rare chance to start something new as an adult, whether casually or competitively.
The health and social benefits—being outdoors, longevity, global accessibility—are highlighted.

Notable Quote:
“Golf, to me, very much mirrors life… you get to show up how you want and be an individual contributor… It’s putting us back in that childlike mentality that you get to go out and learn something new and be humble.” —Hilary Lassoff [42:35]

11. Making Golf Fun & Accessible (44:34–45:57)

Hilary and Elise talk about lowering barriers and removing the intimidation factor.
Emphasis on play styles, pace, allowing fun and leisure, and not requiring perfection or technical mastery.

12. Favorite Golf Movies (45:57–47:33)

“Tin Cup,” “The Greatest Game Ever Played,” “The Legend of Bagger Vance,” and “Caddyshack” all get shoutouts.
Light banter about golf movie nostalgia.

13. How to Connect with Hilary & Bunker Club (48:01–48:29)

Find Bunker Club on Instagram: @bunkerclubla and at bunkerclubla.com
Bunker Club merch also available: noted by Doree as “so cool.”

Notable Quotes

On golf and community:
“To me, creating spaces for anyone to do that is my complete passion.” —Hilary Lassoff [22:53]
On breaking gender coaching molds:
“Now...having someone be able to look at you and see you...and be like, there’s not one way to do something.” —Hilary Lassoff [36:21]
On trying new things:
“It’s so humbling to them…you get to really set that down. I don’t want to say golf is therapy, but…you learn something about yourself.” —Hilary Lassoff [43:04]
On perfection in sport (and life):
“It’s not about being perfect…It’s just about showing up with what you have that day.” —Hilary Lassoff [41:46]

Segment Timestamps

04:02: Doree & Elise highlight election victories and celebrate democracy.
14:39: Guest Hilary Lassoff introduced.
15:02–16:13: Hilary’s self-care practices, emphasis on meditation and golf.
16:46–19:18: Hilary’s personal golf story and value of individual sports.
19:18–23:28: Founding and philosophy of Bunker Club.
24:55–27:50: Bunker Club’s events, clinics, and inclusivity.
35:42–41:10: In-depth on coaching, gender, and individualized teaching.
42:19–44:34: Hilary’s pitch for newcomers to golf; emotional and social benefits.
45:57–47:33: Favorite golf movies discussion.
48:01–48:29: How to find Bunker Club and its standout merch.

Tone and Style

The conversation is open, supportive, and often funny. Both hosts champion self-care in its many forms, blending practical tips with honest self-reflection. Hilary’s passion for building inclusive spaces is palpable, and her answers are warm, candid, and inclusive.

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is for anyone curious about finding (or making) their place in a frequently gatekept activity, the joy of community and women’s sports, and the many facets—emotional, social, and physical—of self-care as we age. Whether you’re an athlete, a self-care devotee, or simply love a story of community innovation, you’ll find plenty of inspiration and pragmatic wisdom here.

For more:

Instagram: @bunkerclubla
Membership/Merch: bunkerclubla.com

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Transcript

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Elise Hu (0:30)

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Dory Shafrir (0:34)

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Hillary Lassoff (0:36)

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Elise Hu (0:37)

False.

Dory Shafrir (0:38)

True.

Elise Hu (0:38)

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Hillary Lassoff (0:41)

That's gotta be true again.

Elise Hu (0:43)

Carvana will pick up your car from your door or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.

Hillary Lassoff (0:47)

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Dory Shafrir (0:50)

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Elise Hu (0:51)

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Dory Shafrir (1:13)

Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shafrier.

Elise Hu (1:20)

And I'm Elise Hu. And we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.

Dory Shafrir (1:24)

Today we have Hilary Lassoff on the podcast. Hillary is the founder of Bunker Club, which is a community and social club for women, queers, and other underrepresented voices in golf. And she's just doing something really cool. Yeah, we had a really interesting conversation with her about being an athlete, why she loves golf, why people should get into golf. She really wants Elise to come play golf with her.

Hillary Lassoff (16:46)

Yeah, well, at least I'm. Like I said before we even started the podcast and recording, I really am excited to golf with you and maybe not even change that perspective, but kind of get you golfing again and, like, finding a new love for it. Because I think it's my own experience, and I think a lot of people share in this experience is, as we know, golf is very rooted in a very specific culture that, as women, when we're young, growing up, it's not something actively that is presented to us or even welcomed to us, even if we have family members that play. I grew up. I didn't have any family that played golf. My mom had, like, a boyfriend when I was, like, 14, and he was a really big golfer. And so my mom fell in love with golf, and then I subsequently really fell in love with golf, and I was like a big athlete growing up. And I'm also like a twin, and I have a twin sister, and so very much. And I think even in hindsight, kind of almost in a way, like, competing for my own. Like, I grew up in team sports and, like, love team sports, but once I found golf at, like, a very young age, it was kind of almost this, like, individualism that I got to play and kind of create my own identity in. I got to. And even though golf clothes then kind of still now for women are, you know, we're working. They're working on that. We're working on. That's another conversation. But we got to, like, you know, I got to pick my own clothes. It wasn't just, like, the same uniform that you're going to throw on like the rest of your teammates. And I. And I do think, in retrospect and in hindsight, like, that was something really important for me to kind of have my own identity. So golf really gave me that. And I was able to. I used to hop the fence. I had a country club behind my house, and I would hop the fence and go play golf and just kind of make it my own when I. On my terms, when I wanted to go. So I fell in love with it. Really quickly, and I became, yeah, really good at golf, and I ended up going to school to play golf, and now, you know, working in the golf space and providing a space for women and for marginalized groups in the queer community to join in a sport that, yeah, has been rooted in a very different culture and a gatekeeping S culture. So, yeah, golf has been. Golf is. Has been all the things to me and has afforded me meeting so many amazing people. I've been to so many places to play golf. And so, yeah, having now being someone who can provide that opportunity to someone else through golf is really special to me.

Hillary Lassoff (20:22)

So many dudes. So many dudes want to come in and tell you. And I think that's. And it's so important because it's not about, like, a man versus a women thing, but in community, in women, we share something so special. And then when you filter that down to sub communities within that, like, the LGBTQ community and other, you know, multicultural groups and, like, other marginalized groups, like, we get to really find safe spaces and we get to learn better. We get to enjoy company more. And that's just. That just is. And that's, like, the beauty of community and us getting to. To pick and choose that. But, yeah, so we would go out a bunch to play golf, and I was like, oh, my God. And especially in la, as we know, like, there's not a ton of golf courses that you can kind of just post up at, right? Catch a vibe Have a cocktail after, have a. Have maybe have a dinner after. It's kind of almost, to me, it's. And it's, you know, it's a country club versus just a kind of like a public. You roll up. You don't have, like, your space or where you go or, like, where you want to hang out. So I kind of started bunker on the premise of, oh, my God, I love to play golf with the people I love the most. And wouldn't it be so cool to create an actual physical space in, like, a golf world? Almost kind of like if you guys watch the L Word of Any listeners have watched the L Word, like a planet mixed with a Soho house mixed with, like, a golf country club, but just for us and just for women and just for the queer community and like, this beautiful growing community that we're. That we're experiencing and that we're, you know, like, taking part in. So that was kind of like the premise for it. And then very quickly, it was like, all of a sudden, everybody was like, oh, my God, I grew up playing high school golf, Elise. Like, you're like, oh, my God, I played, like, golf with my dad, but, like, I never felt welcome. Or, oh, my God, like, I, you know, played golf in college, but, like, I don't really have a group of girls to like or group of queer women or, like, to go out and play golf with. And then the wheel started turning of, like, oh, my God, like, physical space. Yes. And like, maybe part two or three or four. But how can we actually build a really cool community where we can do golf and have fun and then we can also do really cool social events, too, that, like, we just get to kick it, like, Dory, at, like, our dinner. And, like, we have member dinners and really cool social events. And so, yeah, just trying to create. And I don't. Yeah. In a very real way, like a safe, special, different place that people can just come and, like, be themselves and set their day down or set something that they're going through down or have a safe space or really fun space to maybe talk to somebody else about it or feel, you know, like they can kind of open up and the bunker. What I've seen over the past 14 months is really kind of this, like, secret sauce magic of when people enter the space. And it is about the people. There's a flow there that people can just feel like. And Dory, you can. You're. Thank you for nodding your head. It's. That's what makes me so happy. Like, people can kind of just come and set. Set themselves down and, like, be themselves. And to me, creating spaces for anyone to do that is my complete passion.

Hillary Lassoff (25:02)

Yeah, those get me so excited because we're constantly in a, like, think tank on, like, what this programming and what this curriculum is. And sometimes I can get. I'm like, thinking I want to do. I want, like, drones to deliver, like, cocktails to people when they, like, walk up to, like, these are, like, the things that I have to, like, sit down sometimes and, like, you know, like, take. Take it, take a breath. But we do a lot of dinners. We typically do, like, in the club, a monthly member dinner, where every single month, you know, you get to come to a dinner, hang out with a group of people. We do. We have been doing, like, a fun poker night, typically once a month. We've been trying to do. We host, like, really fun, amazing golf clinics. So anyone that, like any level Is like, welcome. So even if you've never played golf before in your life, if you're listening to this podcast or if you're on Instagram or you hear about this from a friend, and you're like, this sounds really fun, but I don't even know what golf is, you can still come and we teach you. Like, I wouldn't even say teach you golf, but teach you, like, it's okay to just show up to try something new. So we facilitate that. Yeah, in clinics on Saturdays, bi weekly, anytime anyone's like a super beginner, we callaway is like one of our, you know, like, partners. They've given us a ton of clubs, so we have all the equipment that anybody needs to ever come and do that. And then we also do really big retreats, like, bimonthly. We're actually planning one in Cabo right now. We're hoping to do a Japan trip in 2026. So, Elise, let's get you going. Dory, this is. This is the trip for you. But, yeah, we really try to plan really fun, different experiences where we're kind of like the golf VIP concierge for you every step of the way. So if you want to get better, if you want golf lessons, if you just want to come to the retreat and, like, hang out and play some golf, if you're a competitive golfer, and that's really important to you, and that's kind of part of the application interview process. And we're seeing that a lot more is, like, we want to know about you. Like, we want to service you as a member, like, in that reciprocity. Like, if you're a person that's coming to the club because you're super competitive, we're going to make sure that we put you in, like, the competitive groups of golf. So you're having the time and you're enjoying and you get to, like, have that competitive spirit. Whereas somebody that kind of just wants to come and kick it and, like, can I say, like, get high or whatever? Can I say on podcasts, like, just kind of come and, like, hang out and, like, take mushrooms and, like, look at nature, but, like, be with people, they get to participate in that as well. And because we know all the people, like, right now we have just over 100 women in the club, I hope that, like, no matter how big and how this business kind of flourishes and all the people that we reach, to me, like, the business is never going to outweigh, like, the human connection, the human touch of the people in the community.

Dory Shafrir (32:44)

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Hillary Lassoff (36:21)

That's very thought provoking. That's so real. Because it's such a good question. Honestly, up until very recently, I didn't quite understand or I, I didn't see that the way that, for example, in golf, the way that I was coached in golf my entire life. And again, being in a male dominant sport, like take a hyper focused male sport and insert like females trying to learn a lot of the time from like a male coach. Even today, I was always told, and women are still told, not not even just like, like in a coaching mechanism, but in like an actual teaching mechanism of a sport. Like, this is how you should do it and this is how the boys do it and this is what the swing is and you have to, you use your body to fit into that mold. And I, looking back, was doing that so much throughout my entire golf career and that was obviously all that I knew. But now, like my girlfriend, a partner who we run Bunker Club together, we actually met planning a golf event for Bunker Club like over the phone and fell in love. And like now we're doing this together and she's an incredible golf coach and like golf mentor to me. And it honestly wasn't up until like this past year when, because she's like my coach now and teaches me and just mentally and like, like she's so elevated in the way and she always says this and it's resonating so much in this conversation is like, it's not about teaching people how to play golf. It's teaching like a person. And so there's so many different mechanisms to like how to teach that person. And every single person is different. So it's not just someone coming. And we try to now to, in this hindsight, in the way I was coached and kind of never. I used to be told, like, I'm a really handsy golfer and I use like my hands A lot. I was always told from men, like, that's not the type of swing that you should have. You should have a much more like linear, straight, like up the line swing. And now like when we're kind of coaching together and when she's coaching me, it's like my hands are my best attribute and like leaning into that and having somebody in your life, whether you're like a really young girl and like your daughter's age or even in our adult life, having someone be able to look at you and see you if you're learning something new or even if you're seasoned and then and be like, no, actually that's. There's not one way to do something. And because you're a person that does this or thinks this way, or you know, your body is shaped this way or you had an injury and now like you can't rotate that much, like this is another way to do it. That's been a huge like aha moment to me. And we've been embodying that a lot in like the teaching within bunker and how we're kind of showing up for the people that really do want to learn and understand like, understand new thing because obviously that's super intimidating as well to show up in something new. So we want to make sure that, yeah, we're not just. It's not like a one size fits all. So I'm learning through everything that we're doing, which is very cool.