Mini-Ep 426: Trying for Normalcy

Summary

Episode Summary: Forever35 Mini-Ep 426: Trying for Normalcy

Release Date: January 15, 2025

In this insightful and heartfelt mini-episode of Forever35, co-hosts Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu navigate the challenges of seeking normalcy amidst ongoing natural disasters, personal struggles, and listener inquiries. With their characteristic humor and self-awareness, they delve into topics ranging from community support during crises to personal relationships and career fulfillment.

---

1. Navigating the Los Angeles Wildfires

The episode opens with Doree and Elise discussing the severe wildfire situation in Los Angeles, as projected by Governor Gavin Newsom to be the worst natural disaster in U.S. history.

• Community Impact and Support Efforts

  Elise reflects on the surreal nature of the disaster, comparing it to the early days of COVID-19:

  "It feels really surreal. I mean, I just, it has that feeling, things have taken on that feeling of kind of a different disaster early Covid, where all the days melt together and you don't know what day it is and you're on this heightened alert all the time." [03:10]

  The hosts emphasize the importance of supporting those affected by the wildfires. They highlight the preference for monetary donations over physical goods, recommending gift cards to retailers like Amazon and Target. Doree mentions:

  "There's a lot of places that have said, hey, we are full up on supplies, but we would welcome gift cards... it's kind of best to have the flexibility to restart." [04:20]

  They also guide listeners to their Instagram for GoFundMe links and direct assistance options, ensuring that support reaches those in need effectively.

• Updates on Wildfire Containment

  The discussion touches on the unpredictable nature of the fires, mentioning the Palisades fire with less than 15% containment:

  "...the Palisades fire, is only like some percentage, like less than 15% contained as of this recording." [03:50]

2. Personal Stories: Pets Amidst Crisis

Doree and Elise share personal anecdotes about their pets and how the wildfires have affected them.

• Fostering an Evacuee Cat

  Elise talks about fostering a cat displaced by the Palisades fire, which has caused tension with her resident cat, Abe:

  "We have a fire evacuee cat that is really rocking Abe's world. And that's continued to be very difficult. Like, he kind of disappeared for a while because I think he was trying to escape." [06:55]

  Doree empathizes, sharing her own experiences with pet dynamics:

  "We do not have any foster pets. I feel like Bo would probably be okay with a small dog... but I think he would try to eat a cat, and I don't think he would take kindly to a large dog." [08:37]

3. Listener Questions: Offering Support and Finding Fulfillment

The heart of the episode revolves around listener-submitted questions, where Doree and Elise provide thoughtful advice on personal challenges.

• Supporting a Sister During Fertility Struggles

  Listener's Question:

  • "I have a sister who is currently going through fertility struggles. The timing of my new baby has made her feel worse. How can I support her without making things harder for her?" [21:43]

  Doree's Response:

  "Continue just sort of like, checking in with her and not making it about the baby. I would check in with her to be like, oh, I'm so tired... maybe text her about Real Housewives or something. Just sort of like, quote unquote, normal stuff that is not baby related." [22:42]

  Elise's Insight:

  "Remembering all the other things that you enjoy as part of your sisterly bond and leaning into that... your relationship has so many more colors and shapes and phases that you can lean into." [23:55]

• Career Success and Self-Love for a Young Violinist

  Listener's Question:

  • "I'm a 25-year-old violinist struggling with career success and self-love. I'm completing my master's but feel far from my dreams and lack confidence. How do I find fulfillment and meaning?" [21:43]

  Elise's Response:

  "Your life and your path is long and you're only in one stage of it... fulfillment really has to come in a lot more intrinsic ways." [26:41]

  She encourages the listener to identify what they love about making music beyond career titles:

  "There are a lot of ways to do that thing that don't involve like getting into a specific orchestra or getting that specific job." [28:10]

  Doree Adds:

  "You are still quite young. It is not too late to do something else. I think you will find ways back to the violin that might not involve playing in an orchestra, and that's okay." [30:07]

4. Sponsored Segments and Community Resources

While the episode includes sponsored content, Doree and Elise seamlessly integrate it without disrupting the flow of their conversation. They briefly mention resources and support avenues for listeners affected by the wildfires, ensuring that helpful information is accessible.

---

Conclusion

Forever35 Mini-Ep 426: Trying for Normalcy offers a compassionate exploration of maintaining equilibrium in times of chaos. Through personal stories, community support discussions, and empathetic listener advice, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu provide a space for reflection and connection. Their genuine approach underscores the importance of community, self-care, and the enduring quest for normalcy amidst life's unpredictable challenges.

---

Notable Quotes:

• "It feels really surreal... you're on this heightened alert all the time." — Elise Hu [03:10]

• "There's a lot of places that have said... gift cards... it's kind of best to have the flexibility to restart." — Doree Shafrir [04:20]

• "You are still quite young. It is not too late to do something else." — Doree Shafrir [30:07]

• "Fulfillment really has to come in a lot more intrinsic ways." — Elise Hu [26:41]

Transcript

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

They say opposites attract. That's why the Sleep number Smart bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft. Sleep number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep number does that too. Why choose a sleep number smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now it's the lowest price of the season on the top selling i8 smart bed your best savings plus special financing limited time shop a sleep number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.

[Elise Hu]

How are those peepers feeling?

[Dory Shafrir]

Are they feeling scratchy or gritty? It might be due to dry eye Dry eye is increasingly common, affecting millions of US adults, and can range from occasional or acute symptoms of dryness to a chronic condition known as dry eye disease, which affects more than 38 million Americans and is diagnosed by a doctor. Everyone's tears evaporate, but with evaporative dry eye, tears escape too quickly, more than what's considered normal. Healthy tears have a natural protective outer layer that holds in the watery component, but for about 9 out of 10 people with dry eye, the outermost layer is deficient or damaged, which can cause too much tear evaporation. The eye care experts at Bausch and Lom offer Perfluorohexaloctane ophthalmic solution, the only prescription eye drop that treats the signs and symptoms of dry eye disease by directly targeting tear evaporation. If you're experiencing experiencing symptoms of chronic dry eye, you should talk to an eye doctor to discuss whether tear evaporation may be the cause of your discomfort and if Maibo could help you achieve relief. Remove contact lenses before using Maibo and wait at least 30 minutes before putting them back in. Eye redness and blurred vision may occur if you experience chronic dry eye. Talk to an eye doctor about prescription treatment options like maibo and visit meibo.com to learn more.

Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shafrier.

[Elise Hu]

And I'm Elise Hu and we are just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums and this is.

[Dory Shafrir]

A mini episode where we hear from you, we share comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember we are not experts, we're podcast hosts and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.

[Elise Hu]

We Continue to be broadcasting or podcasting from the heart of Los Angeles.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes.

[Elise Hu]

Where we are in what Governor Gavin Newsom has projected is the worst natural disaster in US History. And not over yet, not out of the woods yet. But we do appreciate listeners and all of your messages and kind thoughts that have been sent our way. So thank you for reaching out.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes, it's so appreciated. And yeah, we're grateful for this community. So thank you.

[Elise Hu]

It feels really surreal. I mean, I just, it has that feeling, things have taken on that feeling of kind of a different disaster early Covid, where all the days melt together and you don't know what day it is and you're on this heightened alert all the time. You're kind of like in a state of hyper vigilance. And the kids were out of school at the end of last week, so that really brought back those vibes. And yeah, you know, we have winds kicking up again this week too, and they're the Santa Ana winds. And who knows what's going to happen because these fires, especially that big one, the Palisades fire, is only like some percentage, like less than 15% contained as as of this recording.

[Dory Shafrir]

Crazy. Where are you directing people who want to help who are not in Los Angeles?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, there's a lot of places that have said, hey, we are full up on supplies, but we would welcome gift cards, gift gift cards to Amazon, to Target, to big box stores because a lot of the folks who have been evacuated or who have lost their homes and lives completely have just said, like, kind of cash is best. You know, if we just start over when we need to start over, it's kind of best to have the flexibility to restart. There's there that store co op, I believe, that has been getting a lot of attention on Instagram because they are not only taking physical supplies and donations here locally, they're also directing folks to mail gift cards to them. So I have sent some folks there who have reached out saying, hey, I want to send some gift cards and things. Our Instagram stories and I think you put out a grid post as well, just about GoFundMe and direct assistance to families who listeners might have a direct tie to.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I also, I made a story highlight for the wildfires and I also added those GoFundMe links to our bio. So you should be able to find all that on our Instagram in our show notes Everywhere. All the places.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Are you still glued to local news? Are you trying to like find some space where you're kind of like taking a break from all of the.

[Dory Shafrir]

Well, I think. I don't think local news is still on, like, wall to wall. Yeah. Wall to wall coverage. I was actually surprised. I was driving home this morning from dropping off Henry and like, NPR was just like, npring. Like, there was like a segment on Sudan. There was a set. Like, I was like, oh, okay, I guess we're not doing all wildfire coverage. And I kind of wanted more. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, wait, what? What is going on? But I, you know, it's unrealistic to expect that, like, everyone is going to be doing all wildfire coverage all the time. I am, like, checking in on the. The Watch duty app.

[Elise Hu]

Mm.

[Dory Shafrir]

And just sort of like, noting where are there new evacuation areas, like, what is happening? But yeah, I'm not glued to the local news anymore. Are you?

[Elise Hu]

I turned on one of the NPR stations in LA yesterday and they were doing an A show with a segment on vegan breakfasts. And it actually made me feel really normal and not insane because I was like, oh, okay. This is like, typical Sunday afternoon programming.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, totally. Right. There is like, that normalcy aspect.

[Elise Hu]

So vegan breakfast. Yes, of course. Yes, of course. We. Our world. Our most affected little creature right now in the Hugh household is Abe, our cat. Because not only was he frustrated about the introduction of the puppy a few months ago, but then we decided to foster a fire evacuee whose house in the Palisades was destroyed. And so we have a fire evacuee cat that is. And so now we have this foster cat that is really rocking Abe's world. And that's continued to be very difficult. Like, he kind of disappeared for a while this weekend because I think he was trying. I know he was trying to escape. So we are podcasting with him in my lap right now because we're trying to just kind of like, regulate his nervous system.

[Dory Shafrir]

Oh, Abe. Oh, bud. I. I mean, I. Like, we do not have any foster pets. I. I feel like Bo would probably be okay with a small dog. Like, our. One of our babysitters has a. A very small dog who she brings quite frequently. And, like, they're fine. They just sort of like, ignore each other. I don't think he would take kindly to a cat. I think he would try to eat a cat, and I don't think he would take kindly to a large dog. Like, that would. That would be a disaster. But he. I think he would similarly be pissed if, like, if the dog stayed because, like, he's used to Molly, the little dog of our babysitter coming for like a few hours, but then she leaves. Right, Right.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dory Shafrir]

If he was like, wait a second.

[Elise Hu]

You'Re not going anywhere.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, exactly. I think he'd be pretty pissed. So, Abe, I feel you. I get it. Yeah, I get it.

[Elise Hu]

I'm just so glad he's still. He hasn't successfully made his great escape. He's tried have people written in and called in and texted in with questions unrelated to fires. I feel like we could, we could really use, you know, other topics to think about.

[Dory Shafrir]

I think we could. And we, and we have, we have quite a few that we will get to after the break. But I do want to mention before the break, we have a little fun, little sponsored segment from our friends about and Lom. And.

[Elise Hu]

And we don't want it to surprise you.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, we don't want it to surprise you, but it's. It's a fun little, fun little conversation that Elise and I had about dry eyes that is actually like, quite apt given our current it's so apt weather situation.

[Elise Hu]

And it's actually an affliction of mine which made them a great sponsor for this show. So we, we don't want you all to be confused. It is a branded segment, um, but it is embedded in this episode. So just stick with us through that as it is quite an apt message for this era.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes. Now we're moving into something a little special. Even though this is a podcast for your ears, we're going to take a minute to discuss your eyes. This segment is brought to you by the eye care experts at Bausch and Lom and produced by Acast Creative. You may know that dry eye is increasingly common, affecting millions of US adults and can range from occasional or acute symptoms of eye dryness to a chronic condition known as dry eye disease. But did you know that dry eye disease affects more than 38 million Americans? Common dry eye symptoms may include a scratchy, gritty, tired or heavy feeling, redness, overall eye irritation or vision changes throughout the day. But when these symptoms become chronic, it can indicate damage to the eye. And if they aren't addressed, they can keep coming back and get worse over time, eventually disrupting day to day activities. So today we're going to play a little game of dry eye fact or fiction. But if you relate to anything we just said, it may be time to see an eye doctor. All right, so Elise, here's what, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to name some possible causes of dry eye.

All right?

You will respond saying, if you think they are true or false.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dory Shafrir]

Okay.

[Elise Hu]

Hit me.

[Dory Shafrir]

Okay, the first is the environment, which means dry or cold air, wind, dusty conditions, even poor air quality.

[Elise Hu]

Yes, I'm going to say true. True.

[Dory Shafrir]

That can.

[Elise Hu]

That can affect your dry eye.

[Dory Shafrir]

All of those things can cause dry eye symptoms. Okay. Digital device use.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, true for me, definitely.

[Dory Shafrir]

Totally. And that's because when we use digital devices, we may forget to blink. Oh, yeah. Looking at screens for long periods of time can cause dryness and irritation.

[Elise Hu]

That makes sense.

[Dory Shafrir]

Here's another one. Age.

[Elise Hu]

Say it ain't so, but I'm gonna guess it's true.

[Dory Shafrir]

You're right. Tear production slows down as people age. Here's another big one. Hormonal changes.

[Elise Hu]

I think hormonal changes could definitely affect everything.

[Dory Shafrir]

So true.

[Elise Hu]

It affects your eyes, too.

[Dory Shafrir]

And in particular, menopause may cause dry eye symptoms.

Oh, well, that would make sense.

I mean, there we go.

[Elise Hu]

We go through so much during this time period.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yep. Okay, and last one. What about tear evaporation?

[Elise Hu]

That one. I don't know. How does tear evaporation connect to everything?

[Dory Shafrir]

Okay, so that is true. And that is because symptoms like scratchiness and grittiness are often caused by, get this, tears evaporating too quickly. Isn't that funny? Yeah, it's crazy. Millions of Americans suffer from this. So what I think is so crazy is it's so common, yet many people may not realize their eye symptoms are due to dry eye. And while dry eye has historically been connected to age and hormonal changes, in today's digital world, it's really no surprise that dry eye symptoms are increasingly being observed among younger generations. Yeah, not all dry eye is the same. And like the tear evaporation thing, for example.

[Elise Hu]

Right. You would have never known, right?

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, like I would not have known that too much tear evaporation is one of the most common causes of dry eye. So if you're experiencing persistent dry eye symptoms, Bausch and Lomb may have the answer for you.

The eye care experts at Bausch and Lom offer Mibo perfluorohexaloctane ophthalmic solution, the only prescription eye drop that treats the signs and symptoms of dry eye disease by directly targeting tear evaporation.

Everyone's tears evaporate, but with evaporative dry eye, tears escape too quickly more than what's considered normal. Healthy tears have a natural protective outer layer that holds in the watery component. But for about 9 out of 10 people with dry eye, the outermost layer is deficient or damaged. Which can cause too much tear evaporation. So if chronic dry eye symptoms are impacting your day to day activities, it may be time to talk to an eye doctor to see if tear evaporation may be the cause of your discomfort and if my Bo might be right for you. You can also visit Meibo.com to learn more.

As a final reminder, if you are experiencing symptoms of chronic dry eye, make an appointment with an eye doctor to discuss Maibo Remove contact lenses before using my BO and wait at least 30 minutes before putting them back in. Eye redness and blurred vision may occur.

[Elise Hu]

For additional safety information and full prescribing.

[Dory Shafrir]

Information, visit meibo.com you're encouraged to report.

[Elise Hu]

Any negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA, visit fda.gov or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

[Dory Shafrir]

This segment was brought to you by BAU and Lam and produced by Acast Creative.

[Elise Hu]

And we're back.

[Dory Shafrir]

And we're back. And if you want to reach us, our voicemail number is 781-591-0390 and our email is forever35podcastmail.com Again, you know, you can always visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Instagram @February35 podcast. Sign up for our [e-mail] newsletter and you can shop our favorite products at Shopmy Us Forever35. And again, like I mentioned at the top of the show, we will also have links in our show notes and on our website for places to donate. I know most, most places are really asking for donations of gift cards and cash at this point. If not like direct donations to people because I mean it's great. Like places are overwhelmed with donations of physical goods. But I think it's, I think it's just sort of become a lot. So thanks and thanks again everyone for your help and support. All right, and now we are going to take our actual break and we will be right back.

[Elise Hu]

Foreign.

[Dory Shafrir]

Let'S make a resolution to save more money in 2025. I gotta say, every year we make resolutions. Some we stick to, some we don't. I've tried to keep my desk clean and yeah, never quite make it through the year, never quite make it through the month. But when you can make things automatic, that's how you make resolutions stick. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids and retirement. With just five minutes, you can set up a healthy money habit that takes others years to learn. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. You don't need to feel like financial wellness is impossible. Acorns gives you small, simple steps to get you and your money on track. Head to acorns.comforever35 or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] Forever35 here's the thing. I'm not a huge fan of winter. In fact, I moved to Los Angeles to get away from winter, but I still make myself feel cozy with sweaters and blankets that are going to keep me warm. I just also don't want to spend a fortune with quints. You can treat yourself to everyday luxury at an affordable price. They have these fisherman sweaters that are like the definition of cozy. I'm obsessed. They come in cashmere. They come in cotton. I have a cashmere one. It's like the softest again, coziest thing I think I own. So yes, love. And if you really want to up the luxe factor, check out their Italian leather handbags, washable silk skirts, and European linen sheet sets. Whatever you're looking for, Quince is able to bring you these luxury items priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands by partnering directly with top factories. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. And of course, they use premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. Treat yourself this winter without the luxury price tag. Go to Quince.com Forever35 for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Forever35 to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Forever35 let's be real. Life is too short to feel squeezed and squished, and luckily you don't have to. Today's episode is brought to you by Honeylove, the brand that's completely reimagined shapewear. Honeylove uses targeted compression to sculpt and smooth where you want it and ease off where you don't. That means it's super effective and comfortable to wear all day long. It's shapewear that works with your body, not against it. And honeylove's best selling super power short is the go to. It has targeted compression technology that distinguishes between areas where you want more support and areas you need less compression. Plus, flexible boning in the side seams prevents it from rolling up or down, so you'll never have to sneakily adjust yourself in public again, even after a night of dancing. And honeylove isn't just about shapewear. They also have unbelievably comfortable bras. I particularly love the crossover bra. I'm wearing it right now that gives all the support of traditional bras without using any underwires. It's probably the only bra I forget I'm wearing. I know it's wild. Treat yourself to the most comfortable shapewear on earth and save 20% off site [e-mail] forever use our exclusive link to get 20% off honeylove.com forever. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and please support our show and tell them we sent you. Start the new year with confidence thanks to Honey Love.

[Elise Hu]

If you have a business, then you know the difficulty of growing your own audience or your own customer base and how you want your customers to stay yours. With Shopify, you own your customer data.

[Dory Shafrir]

And relationships, allowing you to build deeper.

[Elise Hu]

Shopper connections by tapping into marketing tools.

[Dory Shafrir]

Like Shopify Email and Shopify Inbox, which.

[Elise Hu]

Is Shopify's customer messaging app.

[Dory Shafrir]

Shopify is the best all in one.

[Elise Hu]

Commerce platform capable of handling your business's complexity no matter how big you grow.

[Dory Shafrir]

We have used Shopify for Forever 35.

[Elise Hu]

And the experience was super easy and seamless, which is exactly what we need.

[Dory Shafrir]

Because we want our lives to be.

[Elise Hu]

More easy and more seamless. Importantly, we were able to keep it looking like a Forever 35 store because.

[Dory Shafrir]

Shopify lets you keep control of your brand from your storefront. Look to your back office operations.

[Elise Hu]

Stop leaving sales on the table.

[Dory Shafrir]

Stop switch your business to Shopify and discover why millions trust Shopify as their all in one commerce platform to build, grow and run their business. Sign up today for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com forever35 all lowercase. That's one month for just $1 at shopify.com forever35 shopify.com forever35.

All right, we are back and Elise, like you were asking before, we did get some emails and texts from our listeners. You want to take this first one.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, sure.

[Dory Shafrir]

Hi, Dorian.

[Elise Hu]

Elise, Question for one of your mini apps. I had my first slash only baby five days ago. Congratulations. And also have a sister who is currently going through fertility struggles. The timing of this birth has coincided with some setbacks for her, and all the excitement over my baby and well wishes from mutual family have made her feel even worse. She and I have had some honest conversations about how she is feeling, and I've done some things like drop off meals to her prior to the birth, but what else can I do to be supportive and not make things worse for her? Tori, I feel like you have talked about maybe not this specific question, but just during times where you were having struggles with fertility, like, and seeing, you know, some of your friends and peers and even your sister are kind of like celebrating new babies. What is your advice for this sister who just had a. Just is at home with a newborn?

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I mean, I think it's. It's really. Well, first of all, it's really thoughtful of you to be thinking about her at this time. I mean, you just had a baby. It's like, it's a very emotional and tumultuous time. So the fact that you're, like, even thinking about your sister, like, tells me that you're a really thoughtful person. So, you know, thank you for doing that. I think you can say to her, I'm gonna take my lead from you. You know, I, like, I totally understand if it's hard for you. I would love to see you and have the baby meet you. And if that's too tough right now, I totally get it. And yeah, I would just. I would continue just sort of like, checking in with her and not making it about the baby. Like, I would check in with her to be like, oh, I'm so tired. I was up all night with the baby. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. I would just, you know, maybe text her about Real Housewives or something. Just sort of like, quote unquote, normal stuff that is not baby related. That would be my advice. What do you think, Elise? Do you have any thoughts?

[Elise Hu]

No, I think that's lovely. You know, we. We are all multifaceted people and obviously a fresh, you know, a new baby is a time where you kind of are very focused on the child. But just taking a wider lens, that advice that you just offered, you know, and just remembering all the other things that you enjoy as part of your sisterly bond and leaning into that, I think is smart. I'm thinking of our conversation with our guest, Megan Cain. And how she felt singleism, that bias towards single people from her coupled friends the most when they like focused on her. Singleism. Yeah, to the. To the exclusion of other things. And so I wouldn't overthink this either. You know, your sister's still your sister. You guys are in different states currently of fertility, you know, but your relationship has so many more colors and shapes and. And phases that you can lean into.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes, yes, yes. I hope that helps and keep us posted on how things are going. All right. We got another text that I thought was really interesting. Hi, Dorian. Elise, I'm a Patreon subscriber and love everything you both do and the community you've built. I'm wondering if you could talk a bit about career, success or lack of and how that can affect your whole perception of yourself, how to find self, love and also meaning in your life with your career and outside it. I'm a violinist and since I've been a child, my only love and dream was being a violinist. I wanted to perform. I loved performing. I wanted to be a successful orchestra musician, renowned pedagogue or quartet violinist. I cared more for my success and my career than any other aspect of my life. I thought if I worked hard, then everything would fall into place. As I've grown, my love has stayed, but my fear has grown and my lack of self confidence has grown. I want the career so badly, but I also want stability and to feel like I have achieved success and to feel like I'm impacting the world. Right now I'm in my master's degree but 25 and no stable job outside of some gigs. I think about what I thought my life would look like at this age and I'm far from it. I thought about how my level of playing would be and I'm far from it. I'm full of disappointment, lack of confidence and fear. I'm trying to shed these, but it is tiresome to work when I don't know how to overcome the specific obstacles in my playing. I struggle. Do I keep going down this path? At what point do I stop? If I alter course? How do I live with that and find fulfillment and self love and meaning in the core of my being? I don't think I can win an orchestra job that I've dreamed of. I don't know what to do. But at the end of the day, I just want to feel proud of myself and fulfilled in my life.

[Elise Hu]

Wow, this is a big existential question and you're only 25, so one thing to keep in Mind is that your life and your path, you know, ideally is long and you're only in one stage of it. I identify with a lot of aspects of this in that for so long, you know, like being a journalist and like being very good at being a journalist has been so central to who I was and my ideas of success and my notions of like, you know, achievement. And I think that you maybe are getting to this earlier than I did, but like by my mid-30s, I was really like shedding a lot of that and questioning a lot of that as well, because it is sort of. You do get to a point, whether you have achieved your particular career goals or not, where you, you kind of ask yourself, like, is this all there is? Like, I either did this or I didn't make this mark. And it's like, okay, now what? And so fulfillment really has to come in a lot more intrinsic ways. And so I would ask yourself, I would ask yourself, like, when you were playing and when you really love making music, what is it that you love? Like, do a real, like, kind of audit. What is it specifically that you love? Like, what is the magic that you feel when you are making music or being creative or being the most you, you can be? Because there are a lot of ways to do that thing that don't involve like getting into a specific orchestra or getting that specific job. Like, you can do those things that make you feel the most you without the title, you know, or the on paper achievement. And then also along the same track as you're kind of identifying what it is like that those times when you're feeling like most inflow, you know, or most sort of aligned with your soul. Like, think of the other times that you feel that way. Like, I often feel as fulfilled when I'm like out in the field and reporting a story. I often feel as fulfilled when I'm like really laughing hard, like belly laughing with friends at dinner, you know. And so like, I try to lean into those things that feel really great, even though there's no like, career marker for it, you know, there's no. But then I've hosting a party where everybody is kind of getting to know each other and my friends are becoming friends. Like, I have realized that brings me great fulfillment and joy and in fact, I pay to do it. Nobody pays me, you know, but I do it because it makes me feel the most. Elise. And so I would ask yourself, listener, to kind of just to reflect and, and, and remember also that to me, I felt like a lot of pressure at 25 when I was your age too. And now looking back, now that I am, like, you know, gonna be 43, I just feel like, oh, you, you have so much more time to figure all this stuff out too. So please, as we say to each other and often to listeners, like, give yourself grace and like, take. Take the time to just kind of listen to your inner voice.

[Dory Shafrir]

Mm hmm. I think that's such good advice. You know, I remember in my 20s, like, hating when people were like, you're still so young because you don't feel so young. Like, you know, I always say, like, you're never as old as. You've never been as old as you are right now.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

I don't want to be patronizing in any way. I just feel your life is long.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I don't think, I don't think you are being patroniz because I'm about to say, like the same thing that, you know, and I know it's really hard to, like, give up on a dream that you've had for, you know, your whole life, essentially, but you are still quite young. It is not too late to do something else. And I think, you know, you will, you will find ways back. If you, if you're not a professional violinist, I think you'll find ways back to the violin that might not involve playing in an orchestra, and that's okay.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. You might love it more. Yeah. It might make you feel more fulfilled to play music without a clear objective at all.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, totally. Okay, let's take another break and we'll be right back.

[Elise Hu]

We'll be back.

[Dory Shafrir]

Here's the thing. I'm not a huge fan of winter. In fact, I moved to Los Angeles to get away from winter. But I still make myself feel cozy with sweaters and blankets that are going to keep me warm. I just also don't want to spend a fortune. With Quince, you can treat yourself to everyday luxury at an affordable price. They have these fisherman sweaters that are like, the definition of cozy. I'm obsessed. They come in cashmere. They come in cotton. I have a cashmere one. It's like the softest. Again, coziest thing I think I own. So yes, love. And if you really want to up the luxe factor, check out their Italian leather handbags, washable silk skirts, and European linen sheet sets. Whatever you're looking for, Quince is able to bring you these luxury items priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands by partnering directly with top factories. Quince only works with factories that use safe ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. And of course, they use premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. Treat yourself this winter without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.comforel35 for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U I N C E.comforel35 to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.comforel35 acast powers the world's best Podcasts Here's a show that we recommend.

[Elise Hu]

We.

[E]

All have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast and our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.

[Dory Shafrir]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com all right, we are back. Hello, we have a message about pet insurance. Do you want to take this one?

[Elise Hu]

I really want a pet insurance brand to sponsor this show, so just a call out once again, but that is not the text. The text is hi guys. I'm so weirdly passionate about pet insurance and I had to text I got it when I got my Bernie Doodle as a pup and wow, it has paid off. She's a normal active dog, but some weird business has required her to have two shoulder surgeries and physical therapy in two years. My pet insurance covered 80% of costs after meeting my deductible of $250. And because I'm a huge nerd, I once made a spreadsheet calculating the ROI of her pet insurance. It is staggering. I have saved over $10,000.

[Dory Shafrir]

Wow.

[Elise Hu]

I know it's an easy cost to think is quote optional, but my dog is otherwise super healthy and has no genetic abnormalities, so this came out of left field. I'm privileged enough that it was never.

[Dory Shafrir]

A choice of whether she would get.

[Elise Hu]

Surgery, but the insurance made the costs much easier to stomach. I think pet insurance saves you from having to make incredibly painful decisions based on finances. And I passionately three exclamation points recommended to everyone I know. If you really don't want Insurance.

[Dory Shafrir]

At least start a savings account for.

[Elise Hu]

Your pup with regular contributions because some shit absolutely will happen. Don't I know it. Wishing Oscar the best. And then she sent a photo of Phoebe doing her physical therapy after her last surgery.

[Dory Shafrir]

Excellent.

[Elise Hu]

Oscar got his sutures out so he no longer has, you know, those stitches in anymore and is on the mend. He had, I think, three to five days and he's allowed to be. He's clear for regular activities and baths again.

[Dory Shafrir]

Really? Oh, okay.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. I'm pleased to report this news, but kind of like I'm cautiously reporting this news because who knows what else he's gonna eat? And I don't think I'm out of my new pet insurance 15 day waiting period yet. That dog.

[Dory Shafrir]

That freaking dog. This is. This is all. This is all good information. Thank you for sharing.

[Elise Hu]

I love your spreadsheet. I love that you made a spreadsheet.

[Dory Shafrir]

I know. You know, Elise, I was at Costco yesterday and you know when you're like, leaving and they have like, the car and the solar panels, like all the. They're like hawking between the register and the exit.

[Elise Hu]

Yes.

[Dory Shafrir]

They also have pet insurance.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, Costco pet insurance.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes, there's Costco pet insurance. I don't think it is Costco pet insurance, but, like, they contract with someone who does pet insurance. So that might also be. That might be one to look into.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I was like, oh, mental note. Must tell Elise.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, we'll put that in our Costco and Trader Joe's Rex. Yeah, exactly. Oh, and speaking of Trader Joe's Rex, we have one. We have one.

[Dory Shafrir]

We did get one. We got a text that said, I have a Trader Joe's rack. I'm not sure if these have been mentioned yet, but they are definitely worth a mention. The Trader Joe's pop up sponges. They are so great. I've been using them for at least 10 years, maybe longer. Made of vegetable cellulose, so no microplastics and come in a pack of 12. They're not the most exciting thing, but they are great.

[Elise Hu]

I didn't know about this at all. We have these pop up sponges. Oh, okay, I need to get some. I'm out of soap and I'm out of hand sanitizer that I. Both of which I purchase at Trader Joe's. So I'll just pick these sponges up too while I'm there.

[Dory Shafrir]

Okay. Hot tip.

[Elise Hu]

Do you have anything else you've seen at Trader Joe's lately?

[Dory Shafrir]

I'm trying to think if there's Been like, a new thing. These aren't new. But I. I used to eat the chicken cilantro wontons pretty regularly, and I've switched to the shrimp gyoza.

[Elise Hu]

Yum.

[Dory Shafrir]

The Thai shrimp gyoza. Now, I. I, like, developed a thing where I don't like eating, like, the whole, like, creature of something. No. Like, I don't like to eat whole shrimp, but. Oh, the, like, cut up shrimp is like. Okay, okay.

[Elise Hu]

I had a very dory specific thing.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. I had a very traumatic experience at a crab boil.

[Elise Hu]

Well, we need to hear that. Maybe we save that. That's.

[Dory Shafrir]

It was just. It's. It's not like, that exciting. It was just. I. I was celebrating a friend's birthday, and we went to, like, a. Like, one of those crab places in, like, Burbank or something, and they just dump a ton of crabs, like, on your table.

[Elise Hu]

Oh.

[Dory Shafrir]

And I was. Yeah. I was so grossed out that I was like, I. This is so disgusting. I cannot, like, I'm not gonna be able to eat crabs, like mussels, scallops, shrimp, like, anything where you're eating the whole creature of something. I'm like, this is vile. So that's just.

[Elise Hu]

So it was a transformative experience for you.

[Dory Shafrir]

I'll eat crab when it's not in its full form.

[Elise Hu]

Yes.

[Dory Shafrir]

I'll eat shrimp.

[Elise Hu]

You'll eat it in, like, you'll. Would you eat crab in a sushi roll, for example? Yes.

[Dory Shafrir]

I've eaten. I've eaten crab rolls for a while. I wasn't. And then I was like, I think. I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I can make it.

[Elise Hu]

Okay. Now we know what not to do for Dory's birthday.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. No crab boils. Really? No shellfish boils or fish fries or anything of any kind?

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dory Shafrir]

All right. Well, thanks, everyone, for listening. We appreciate you, and we appreciate your support, and we will talk to you soon.

[Elise Hu]

Until next time.

[Dory Shafrir]

Bye.