T-Mobile Advertiser (1:32)

Oh, I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with. Hey where are you going?

Dory Shaf (1:36)

To T Mobile.

Gift Wrapping Host (1:37)

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Dory Shaf (2:12)

Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shaf.

Elise Hu (2:19)

And I'm Elise Hu and we're just two friends who like to talk a.

Dory Shaf (2:21)

Lot about serums and this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember we are podcast hosts, we are not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed. Yes.

Elise Hu (2:40)

Okay. Yeah, I want to hear about your weekend. Mine was exactly the same both days, which I can get into, but I want to hear about what's going on with you.

Dory Shaf (2:48)

Yeah, so I had a lot of tennis this weekend. I played a singles.

Elise Hu (2:54)

Because tennis doesn't stop.

Dory Shaf (2:56)

Tennis doesn't stop. I played a singles match on Saturday. Well, I took Henry to a soccer game. It was very muddy. I played a singles match, and then my team had a playoff match that afternoon. So Saturday was very tennis heavy. And then Sunday, Henry had a baseball game, and then we had another tennis match, a doubles match, and my doubles partner and I got totally killed, which, you know, always humbling.

Elise Hu (3:32)

I watched this happen for a different sport. Yes.

Dory Shaf (3:35)

But, you know, I actually feel like I played pretty well. Like I was, I was like, oh, you know what? I can. I. I had some like, good highlights. So I wasn't like, totally. It was just one of those things where I was like, oh, these, these people are just better. You know what I mean? It wasn't like a thing where, like, I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and that was why they won. It was like, these people are just objectively better than I am, which is a thing, you know?

Elise Hu (4:02)

Yeah, no, I watched a lot of that happen with volleyball because I was in a volleyball gym all weekend and.

Dory Shaf (4:09)

Yeah, what happened?

Elise Hu (4:11)

First of all, I had sensory overload. Those places have the worst acoustics and lighting possible. Like, somebody needs to reconfigure the gym experience for parents because we have to spend like a good nine hours a day back to back in these tournament gyms. And it's at least, I'm going to say, 20 volleyball matches going on. So like 40 teams playing against each other on the court, each one getting reft with the whistle and line calls and everything at the exact same time. And so all you hear is just this cacophony of sound. It's brutal. And. And ava had a two day tournament, so we had to be there at 7am on Saturday, 8am on Sunday. And then they play an hour and then they ref an hour, you know, for their pool, and then they play and then they ref and the parents are just stuck there. I haven't figured out how to drop them off and find something else to do during one of these turn ins yet because it's the beginning of the season and I should be there, like to see if I'm going to drive all the way to Irvine or Anaheim or something that's far away from me. It's not like I have a bunch of other things going on. I can't go, like hang out with my friends.

Dory Shaf (5:29)

Totally.

Elise Hu (5:30)

So I ended up in a gym for two days. And it's so funny because I was really complaining about this with my friend Meredith, Ava's volleyball auntie. And she was on Instagram and she texted me an image of the Insta stories from Armie Hammer's ex wife, Elizabeth Chambers. And she was at the same time, same gym, in the same situation, complaining about the same thing.

Dory Shaf (5:57)

Oh my God, that's so funny.

Elise Hu (5:59)

So we're all there. Everybody's going through this, but the team played the play. The team played actually better on Sunday when they lost three matches, so all six sets than they played on Saturday when they won two out of three matches. And the reason why is they go in. This is the first. This was the first tournament of like every club in Southern California and in their age group had to show up. So it was like 200 some clubs spread over three different gyms in three different places. And they go in with seeds based on the reputation of the club and the reputation of that team because some of them are assumed to have played together and stayed together. Our seating was abstract because Ava's club that she ultimately chose after the great recruitment fracas of 2010, 25.

Dory Shaf (6:55)

Right.

Elise Hu (6:55)

Is that she. She. Their. Their team is almost completely new. So their seating was sort of like a guess.

Dory Shaf (7:04)

Yeah.

Elise Hu (7:04)

And so they went in, seated 32 out of 200 or something in Southern California. And all the teams in the top 50 played in the same gym in the same location. And they're all fighting to be in the top 12 because apparently it's the top 12 teams in a region that end up getting to go to nationals. But again, this is abstract. It was just sort of like a guess that this team would play in this place. And based on the ranking is how they pool. So those are the three and it's pools of four. So you. The three teams that you would play against over the course of a day are in your group of four are in your pool. And based on their position of not being in the top 12, they had like easier opponents the first day. Okay. For their level. But since they won most of their sets, they Ended up having to play against a top level pool. I see the next day. So everything got harder the next day. And guess who was in that top level pool? The team she shunned. The team where she sprained her ankle at the tryout and the coach carried her.

Dory Shaf (8:13)

Oh, no.

Elise Hu (8:14)

And stayed with her for 45 minutes to wait to get her to the ER and she, like, mentally, she, she said that coach gave her side eye. He didn't acknowledge her. He was not graceful. So awkward. And I was like, ava, you should say hi. And she's like, no, I'm avoidant.

Dory Shaf (8:33)

No.

Elise Hu (8:34)

Also it's a lot to ask of her because she's not the adult in this scenario, of course. And she's, she's freaked out that he hates her and all these things and he was not that nice. And so anyway, they had to play across the net from. She had to play across the net with.

Dory Shaf (8:50)

You know what that says to me is that she made the right choice.

Elise Hu (8:54)

Because that's what the other coach said.

Dory Shaf (8:56)

Yeah. If this coach is so petty and like immature that he's going to take it so personally that one 12 year old didn't join his team and take it out on her, then like, that's not a coach you want to, like you don't want to be on that coach's team.

Elise Hu (9:11)

It's interesting you say that because our coach, the coach of the team, she wound up at totally without prompting. At the end of the day, he's like, man, I didn't have great experiences with that coaching staff because he had to ref their game. And he was like, they were a little rough with the girls.

Dory Shaf (9:28)

And Ava was like, yeah, he was.

Elise Hu (9:31)

Full on crashing out. And so it's, it all makes her feel more validated in her decision despite the fact that she didn't have any friends anyway. So she didn't have any friends at the time when she chose that team, but now she does. So all in all, a good experience. The wins weren't there, but sometimes the wins aren't there, but you're playing really well, which is exactly what you're describing about tennis. And so the girls actually feel fairly good.

Dory Shaf (9:54)

Good, good.

Elise Hu (9:55)

Yeah.

Dory Shaf (9:56)

Well, Elise, we do have a bunch of communiques from listeners, but before we get to those, I just want to everyone that we do have a sale going on right now on our patreon@patreon.com Forever35. It's 20% off. We only do this once a year, so head on over there and sign up for our patreon while we are on sale because we are also doing a live recording for our Patreon subscribers, a live recording of a casual chat on Wednesday, December 10th at 7:30pm Eastern, 4:30pm Pacific. We will be chatting away. We'll be taking your questions live on the show, and we're just so excited to get to do this. So if you want to be a part of that, sign up for the patreon@patreon.com Forever35 and all paid subscribers will get access to the live recording. So check that out. And before we take a break, Elise, we have a couple of emails and texts that I just want to read quickly. Okay. We had asked people if they had any suggestions for our shop My shelves, and someone wrote in to say, I know you've discussed good tween face care and makeup products. Would love to see a shelf for that. I have a tween and she's just getting started with interest in skin care and makeup.

Elise Hu (11:21)

Oh my gosh, Isabelle would love to curate a shelf for us. Yes, Issa should absolutely do it. She's my 10 and a half year old. She's getting into skincare, but she's also tried a lot of things because of her older sister who's 30 routine. So we should set Issa on this task.

Dory Shaf (11:39)

That would be so great. Okay. And then we also got an email from a listener named Katie who said on a past episode you had a question from a listener about how to celebrate your forever 35 birthday. All the suggestions were great, but I think you missed one obvious one, which is what I did for my 35th. Inspired by the podcast Self Care for My 35th, I wandered around a local downtown area reading a book, eating good food, and doing some fun shopping. I capped it off with a manicure, facial and massage and went out to a fancy dinner with my partner. For me, that was all self care. At that point in my life, I know it's a privilege to take off the time and be able to be that self indulgent, but I think whatever is in reach and answers the question what will make me feel cared for and restored seems like a great theme for our Forever 35th. Oh, that's great.

Elise Hu (12:33)

That's a good one. And that is a good one. So gratifying to hear that you did that and the show has some link to it. It's just so lovely all around.

Dory Shaf (12:44)

All right, well, before we take a break, just a reminder that you can call or text us at 781-591-0390 and email us at forever35podcastmail.com you can also visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Instagram @forever35 podcast and our newsletter is now on Patreon. You can sign up at our free Patreon tier and still get the newsletter. So that's at patreon.com forever35 and you can shop our favorite products including hopefully by the time this airs our tween shelf at shop my us. Yeah, slash forever 35. And after the break we have a few listeners who wrote and called in with aging parent content.

Elise Hu (13:27)

This has been an ongoing conversation but very gratifying.

Dory Shaf (13:30)

Yeah. So we'll be right back with that. I think one of the worst things about gift giving is when you find something truly perfect for everyone on your list. But you also love everything that you bought for everyone, which is kind of what happened with my quints order. Everything's so soft and well made. I'm seriously tempted to keep it all for myself because Quint pretty much has your whole list covered. They have Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50 when you'd normally pay $200 or more. Then there's the denim that goes with everything, silk tops and skirts for when you need to look put together, cashmere beanies and scarves and down jackets that actually keep you warm. Those Italian wool coats that they have, they're absolutely at the top of my list. They look designer, feel luxurious and are made with premium materials. I did get myself the 100% cotton oversized cable cardigan which I am obsessed with. I wear it all the time. It's a staple for sure and I am gonna give one to my best friend this holiday. But like everything at Quint, the price won't make you panic. We're talking way less than other brands charge. By working directly with trusted factories that maintain high standards for both craftsmanship and ethical practices, and by cutting out the middlemen and markups, Quince is able to pass those savings straight to you. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with quince. Go to quince.comfore35 for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.comfore35 to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comfore35 don't panic. Purchase gifts this year. Check out Uncommon goods for thousands of one of a kind gifts you can't find anywhere else. I'll bet Your list begins and ends at Uncommon Goods because they make holiday shopping stress free and joyful. You'll discover presents that feel meaningful and personal, never rushed or last minute. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, so every gift feels special and thoughtfully chosen. Like the one I'm getting for Matt. Don't tell him. Which is a custom pet embroidered sweatshirt with Bo's face on it. It is so cute and I know he'll love it. I kind of want to get a matching one for myself. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Every purchase is a chance to choose something remarkable and feel good about where your money goes. Like how with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give a dollar back to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date, so don't wait. Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com Forever35 that's UncommonGoods.com Forever35 for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods we're all out of the ordinary. All right, we are back. Elise, do you want to read this first message?

Elise Hu (16:51)

Sure. Hi, I'm a fairly new listener. Thanks. Vibe check for the intro. Oh, I'm really glad that that pod swap worked out. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for the ongoing conversations about elder care this fall. I've become immersed in trying to make a plan for my mom's financ and feel like I have no friends or peers to discuss it with. She has a very tiny but incredible for also raising 4 kids amount of money and I'm trying desperately to help her organize so she can hang on to it for when she needs it. But no financial planners or accountants will talk to us because the amount of money is so low. I love research and spreadsheets so I'm happy to try and work this out for my mom, but I'm worried I'm going to mess something up and feel responsible and pay for her for the rest of my life. I'm literally making a PowerPoint to initiate the conversation about all of this with my siblings that things so we can at least get on the same page. Anyways, thank you so very much for the solidarity and information you and your listeners have shared. I wish we could start a support group on Slack or something. Thank you so much. My first reaction is that I recently interviewed your rich BFF Vivian Tu, who you all probably know because she's just this giant creator. And Vivian talked about how so much of financial advice is out of reach unless you have like $200,000 or more invest. And she really started her brand as your rich BFF to be approachable and for people like women and communities of color that has have been traditionally left out of financial planning advice. She was like, so often the people who have, who sort of know what financial products are and like know the names of sep iras and this, this product or that product, they learn because their parents have money who then talked about these things on the golf course or wherever else that they talked about it. And so she said that this day, in this day and age, there are so many great and free or nearly free robo advisors like Robo Investment Advisors that are actually pretty good. Like where you put in a set amount of money and then you say how you want to invest. Like there's, there's an app on my phone that I'm trying out called Stash. There's one from Wealthfront that I'm using. This isn't gonna cater specifically to planning for your mother's fund, you know, sort of like retirement fund or fund for any of her healthcare or medical expenses down the road. But if you want to invest, what I'm saying is that you don't have to go to like a Charles Schwab or whoever else that it's going to charge you a huge fee. There are ways to invest through Robo advisors that actually have been, you know, as reliable as the market is. So don't count, don't, don't, don't take my financial advice. But like, yeah, there's, there's other ways to get into it without a giant sum of money. And that's just kind of the recent takeaway that I got from your re your rich bff. And if you don't follow her, you should follow her on TikTok and Instagram.

Dory Shaf (19:51)

All right. Another listener wrote in who said listening.

Elise Hu (19:56)

To all the comments in question about aging parents, such a difficult topic I don't think gets discussed enough and it can be a really lonely experience. Some folks have written in about Medicaid trusts, which are trusts that can allow you to set aside your assets so you can qualify for Medicaid, which is unfortunately the largest payer of long term care costs in our country. Though that does not count all the unpaid labor performed by loved ones. I would caution folks to just be careful exploring this option and working with attorneys. I am a financial advisor and there are attorneys out there that solely focus on Medicaid trusts as the best option and they sometimes charge quite a lot of money for it. Excessive amounts in my view. I have even seen clients who had these trusts done incorrectly or they were never given proper instructions on how to actually put assets in the trust and so they are pointless. Also, depending on how much in assets you have, you may really not want to plan on relying on Medicaid services or Medicaid LTC facilities, which typically have a much higher staff to patient ratio. Not saying it isn't a good option, but be really careful about which attorney you work with especially. I would be skeptical of any estate planning or elder law attorney who only does Medicaid trusts or presents that as the only option. Okay, so that's a useful guide. If you're going to an attorney to do some long term care planning and they only give you this one option, then yeah, maybe be wary.

Dory Shaf (21:23)

I feel like this is also one of those things where it's like we have such an amazing array of listeners, you know, like we have someone who can just be like, hey, you know, just do your due diligence because I have experience in this. I just love, I just love our listeners, that's all. Just wanted to put in a shout out for our listeners. All right, you know we have more to say and I know listeners have more to say on this subject. We, we have another voicemail that we're actually going to play next week on this topic. So keep writing in about this. I feel like, you know, there, there is a community of listeners who need a place to commiserate about this and we are happy to be that place.

Elise Hu (22:03)

We sure are.

Dory Shaf (22:04)

We are going to take another short break and we'll be right back with some berry content. Ooh.

Elise Hu (22:10)

All right, stay tuned.

Dory Shaf (22:15)

Sometimes the holidays are the best time to get a steal of a deal on things you've been wanting all year. So if you've been thinking of trying Masterclass, I recommend trying it now. Especially if you're going to be traveling, change your commute or travel time into a classroom. You can learn wherever you are on your phone, laptop, or even your tv. You can go audio only mode or watch the videos. You can even download classes to watch offline and make the most of your travel time. Masterclass goes with you and fits into your life. I love using Masterclass as a way to keep my doomsday in check also. And if I find myself reaching for my phone too often, I'll open Masterclass instead and take a look around. Suddenly I'm watching Amy Poehler teach me ways to apply the principles of improv to my life or atomic habits. Author James Clear teaching me to develop good repeatable habits. I guess that's why 88% of surveyed members feel that Masterclass has made a positive impact on their lives. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com forever35 for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com forever35 masterclass.com forever35.

Elise Hu (23:38)

Oh hey.

Gift Wrapping Host (23:38)

Welcome to gift wrapping.

Elise Hu (23:39)

Whoa.

T-Mobile Advertiser (23:40)

So we Saldana hey, can you wrap these please?

Dory Shaf (23:42)

Wow.

Gift Wrapping Host (23:43)

IPhone 17 you splurged at T Mobile.

T-Mobile Advertiser (23:46)

You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new Center Stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

Gift Wrapping Host (23:52)

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

T-Mobile Advertiser (23:54)

Well, it's better than socks.

Gift Wrapping Host (23:56)

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

T-Mobile Advertiser (23:58)

No AT T Mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

Gift Wrapping Host (24:04)

Incredible.

T-Mobile Advertiser (24:05)

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my Aunt Rosa. Forget that.

Gift Wrapping Host (24:08)

Aunt Liz will be jealous like my family drama.

T-Mobile Advertiser (24:11)

Oh I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey where are you going?

Gift Wrapping Host (24:15)

T Mobile the holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill credits and four eligible board inside essentials for well qualified customers. Got to pay plus taxes, fees and $35 device connection charge credits and in balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact US Finance Agreement 256 gigabytes $830 required. Visit T mobile.com.

Dory Shaf (24:44)

All right, we are back and we have a voicemail about berry storage.

Elise Hu (24:49)

Hi Elise and Dory. I have a very quick berry storage tip. We're in the Pacific Northwest and we go berry picking a ton every summer. So for storing berries and keeping them as fresh as possible for as long as possible, you need to store them in glass mason jars. Do not wash them beforehand. Huge mistake. Wash them as you use them. They store really well in those glass mason jars. All right, thanks.

Dory Shaf (25:17)

Bye.

Elise Hu (25:18)

For context, I never know what to do to make my Berries last longer after I bring them back from the store. And we talked a couple weeks ago just about how I just leave them in the plastic berry containers. But is there a better way to store them?

Dory Shaf (25:29)

Yeah. So what's funny about this is we got some, like, conflicting messages about this. There is the, like, do not wash your berries in any way, shape or form camp, which was what I had always understood, like, that you weren't supposed to wash your berries before you store them or before you're going to use them because it makes them soggy. And that's what this listener who just called in is saying too. But then we also have some people who are saying to wash them in a very specific way. Could you read this next text?

Elise Hu (26:04)

Hello ladies. Just listening to Mini at 470 about berry storage. When I come home from the store, I immediately place the berries in a bowl of water and add a splash of white vinegar and baking soda to the water. I then stir it around, let sit for a few minutes, and then strain and rinse them. After that, I leave them out to dry on a plate with one of my reusable towels. Pod recommended I find the berries taste better, last longer, and I am also satisfied to see the dirty water left behind.

Dory Shaf (26:31)

Ew.

Elise Hu (26:32)

Yeah, I don't know if I want to see the dirty water left behind because then I know, but I guess you know, they're from the earth. They're from the earth. I shouldn't be so.

Dory Shaf (26:42)

They're from the earth.

Elise Hu (26:46)

They grow from the ground. They are from mother nature. So what am I getting grossed out about? Okay, well, I have seen that TikTok hack too, with the water and the splash of vinegar and baking soda. I just haven't tried it for myself. And it seems, it seems like so like a bridge too far, you know, like an extra task. I have to. I already don't like. I already dislike putting away my groceries.

Dory Shaf (27:11)

Remember when we were like, spraying our groceries during like the lockdown days?

Elise Hu (27:17)

Yes, sure did.

Dory Shaf (27:19)

Okay, we got another email from again, a Pacific Northwest person who said we're not reusing our Ziploc bags. I'm shocked by this. We live in the Pacific Northwest, so maybe we're more environmental than most, but damn, I am shocked. We reuse, wash our slash wash ours many times and try to use glass also for berries. Again, Pacific Northwest, try and use a container where berries aren't stacked on top of each other. Only wash before eating and store in a glass jar or container with lid in the fridge. Love the pod. Thanks y' all. So this echoes our first voicemail, who was also from the Pacific Northwest.

Elise Hu (27:57)

Maybe it's a regional difference.

Dory Shaf (27:59)

Maybe it is. Are we, are we like, blowing the lid off of this? This is very interesting. This is, you know, this is one of those topics where I never would have guessed that our, like, offhand discussion of berry storage would have really touched a nerve.

Elise Hu (28:18)

This happened with your rant on the freebies, the trial size things too. Yes. I was just like, oh, yeah, I think I'm gonna take my. Take my empties to Sephora. And you're like, no. So funny. Speaking of Sephora, before we let you go, there's one more comment or text from a listener that said, just saw a Mac makeup commercial with Kris Jenner saying, Mac is back, question mark, exclamation point, question mark. For me, it never went awake. I still have my I love my Mac 24 hour concealer.

Dory Shaf (28:56)

Well, we discussed this about how Mac is now at Sephora.

Elise Hu (29:00)

Oh, is that why it's quote unquote back? Okay, gotcha.

Dory Shaf (29:04)

I guess, I guess.

Elise Hu (29:05)

I see. I see.

Dory Shaf (29:07)

All right, well, thanks everyone for listening.

Elise Hu (29:09)

Just a few reminders that we have our Patreon live casual chat on December 10, 4:30 Pacific, 7:30 Eastern. Don't forget to sign up for our Patreon if you haven't so that you can be part of this live casual chat experience. On December 10th. We are running a 20 off discount. Now, all you have to do is use discount code serums to get 20% off the five dollar a month or ten a month tiers at our Patreon, where we have lots of extras for that low, low price plus 20% off.

Dory Shaf (29:42)

All right, thanks everyone for listening.

Elise Hu (29:44)

Talk to you next time.

Dory Shaf (29:46)

Bye.

Elise Hu (29:53)

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Gift Wrapping Host (30:23)

Welcome to gift wrapping.

Elise Hu (30:24)

Whoa.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:25)

So we Saldana.

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:26)

Hey, can you wrap these please?

Dory Shaf (30:27)

Wow.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:28)

IPhone 17s.

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:29)

You splurged at T Mobile. You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift gift for everyone.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:37)

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:39)

Well, it's better than socks.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:41)

So I have to trade in my old phone right?

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:43)

No AT T mobile there's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:49)

Incredible.

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:50)

In fact wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa. Forget that, Aunt Liz will be jealous.

Gift Wrapping Host (30:54)

Sounds like my family drama.

T-Mobile Advertiser (30:56)

Oh I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey where are you going?

Gift Wrapping Host (31:01)

The holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits and four eligible coordinates on essentials for well qualified customers. Got okay plus taxes, fees and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact US Finance Agreement 256GB$830 required visit t mobile.com.