You Ask, We Answer: Summer Recs and Feminist Takes

Summary

Forever35 Podcast Summary

Episode: You Ask, We Answer: Summer Recs and Feminist Takes

Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Air Date: June 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This listener-fueled “You Ask, We Answer” episode features Doree and Elise diving into a wide range of summer queries and feminist perspectives. With their signature warmth, humor, and thoughtfulness, they tackle practical recommendations—from bathing suits and chunky sandals to post-surgery recovery—and deep-dive into nuanced debates on romance reading and moving out of high-cost cities. Listener participation is at the forefront, with numerous audience responses included. The episode’s through-line: how self-care and feminist perspectives can coexist with everyday practicalities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. LA Celebrity Sightings & the Power of YouTubers

[03:04–10:20]

• Elise recounts attending a major Santa Monica Pier event hosted by YouTubers Salish and Jordan Matter for the launch of a youth skincare lip balm.
• The event’s “full amusement park buyout” highlights the outsized cultural reach of YouTubers vs. traditional media.
• Khloe Kardashian and her kids were in attendance; Elise and Doree reflect on the staying power and cultural impact of the Kardashian family.
• Notable Quote:
  • Elise: “This is the clearest evidence that YouTubers have completely taken over media in a way that is so far surpassed, like, what HBO can do, you know, unless it’s Game of Thrones or one of its biggest franchises.” [05:32]
  • Doree: “I continue to be fascinated at their continued hold on popular culture. Others have tried and failed.” [09:20]
• Amusing musings about the ever-evolving LA “bucket list” of sightings and events.

2. Summer Swimsuit & Sandal Recommendations

[11:21–17:34]

Bathing Suit Recommendations:

• Listener seeks: “Quality women’s bathing suit...nothing too low or too high cut...not itchy.”
• Doree recommends Bowden and Land’s End for quality but pricier suits.
• Elise recommends J. Crew for long-lasting, stylish options and Aerie (Aeropostale’s teen intimates line) for simple, affordable two-pieces.
• Both share a common “don’t love” for viral Instagram swimsuit brand Summersalt.
• Notable Quote:
  • Elise: “My favorite two piece is from Aerie…so comfy. I get tons of compliments on it.” [12:59]

Chunky Sandal Recommendations:

• Listener wants lightweight, colorful, chunky sandals (not just black).
• Elise’s unconventional pick: Crocs Brooklyn Low Wedge Mat Wrap Sandal—stylish and great for all-day wear.
• Doree: FitFlop’s Neo D Hiker Water Resistant Sandal (“chunky Teva” vibes), adjustable straps for various fits; “mom seal of approval.”
• Additional sunrise alarm clock recommendation for gentle waking.

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3. Moving Out of High Cost-of-Living Areas

[22:15–24:45, 24:56–26:11]

• Listener shares her successful move from LA to Sacramento, citing better home, salary, and overall quality of life—“the best decision I ever made.”
• Doree and Elise underscore the listener’s practical tips: research salaries, visit area, be ready for a tough but ultimately rewarding adjustment.

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4. The Romance Novel/Feminist Debate

[26:19–29:34]

• Listeners address a previous debate: Is reading romance novels “just porn” or something deeper?
• Academic references (Ann Snitow’s 1979 analysis and Janice Radway’s scholarship) suggest romance as both a site of resistance and self-discovery for women.
• Listener-librarian pushes back against the husband’s “just porn” assertion for romance novels, citing genre diversity and “sneaky misogyny.”
• Notable Quote:
  • Listener (as read by Elise): “What often gets labeled romance is really just a story about a relationship...from a woman author, and often traditionally from a woman’s perspective, though of course the genre is diversifying.” [28:11]
• Hosts celebrate the engaged, feminist feedback from their community.

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5. Surgery Recovery Tips (Hip & Knee)

[30:08–36:43]

• Multiple listeners chime in with practical recovery tips:
  • Essential equipment: crutches, walker, raised toilet seat, ice water machine, loose clothes, medication chart, backpack for carrying essentials.
  • Across responses: PT (physical therapy) is critical for successful recovery; keep up with it and advocate for more if needed.
  • Support systems: consider home healthcare if recovering alone, and discuss med management in sober households.
  • Tips for caregivers and patients, e.g., “don’t overdo PT,” “stay ahead of pain meds,” and embrace asking for more help.
• Notable Quote:
  • Listener: “More than anything: do your PT—even if you ‘graduate’ from PT, if you don’t have the range of movement you expect, go for more PT if you can.” [35:02]

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6. Hosts’ Intentions & Reflections

[37:40–41:25]

• Elise: Aims for consistent strength training; celebrates “weak butt syndrome” humorously.
• Doree: Reflects on tennis sectionals (inspirational older women competing), emotional shifts with son’s end-of-school transition.
• Both appreciate “Maysember” commiseration and celebrate listeners’ family milestones.
• Elise: “My intention is going to be to really enjoy family time because I have my parents here for the next month.” [40:31]

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Notable Moments & Memorable Quotes

• Kardashians & Reality of LA Living:

  • Doree: “It's like LA Bingo…went to an event for the Kardashians.” [10:54]

• On Feminist Romance Scholarship:

  • Listener: “I have thankfully left academia behind and can now just read novels for fun.” [27:13]

• Surgery Practicality:

  • Listener: “You may want a small backpack as you go from room to room as you can’t even carry a phone when both of your hands are on a walker or crutches.” [33:07]

• Hosts on Listener Feedback:

  • Doree: “I love our listeners so much and I hope our listener who wrote in with the original question…maybe got a little clarity on it.” [29:34]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• YouTuber Event & Kardashian Story: 03:04–10:20
• Bathing Suit Recommendations: 11:21–13:31
• Chunky Sandal Advice: 14:04–17:34
• Moving Out of High-Cost Cities: 22:33–24:56
• Romance Reading/Feminism Discussion: 26:19–29:34
• Surgery Recovery Tips: 30:08–37:35
• Hosts’ Intentions & End-of-School Reflections: 37:40–41:25

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

Forever35 maintains its hallmark approach: candid, self-aware, practical, and always community-minded. Listeners steer much of the conversation, with the hosts giving generous space to diverse opinions and life experiences.

Key Takeaway:
Even the most personal forms of self-care and lifestyle choices intersect with larger feminist and community conversations—and sometimes, the best answers come from each other.

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For more:

• Contact: 781-591-0390 or forever35podcastmail.com
• IG: @forever35podcast
• Patreon for bonus content

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Transcript

[Dori Shafrier]

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[Elise Hu]

I didn't know that. Okay, I can't wait to try that out.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yes, I like, I feel like all shoes should be washable, but they're not, so I'm glad Rothy's are. I've already washed mine a couple times. And after they're dry, it's like they're brand new. They're still soft and easy to wear and clean. Like day one. Rothy's make so many stylish shoes. From flats to sandals, they're spotted everywhere for a reason. Discover the world of [e-mail] that's R O T H Y S dot com. Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shafrier.

[Elise Hu]

And I'm Elise Hu. And we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.

[Dori Shafrier]

And today is one of our you ask, we answer episodes. We have so many great questions today and also a lot of great responses to questions from our previous episodes. Thank you all for writing in, calling in, texting in, and a reminder, you can do that at 781-591-0390 or email us at forever35podcastmail.com you can also email us a voice memo. Please don't text us voice memos. They Google voice makes it unnecessarily complicated to download those. So it's easier for us if you email us a voice memo or call and leave us a voicemail. Um, but yeah, lots to get into today. How are you doing, Elise?

[Elise Hu]

I'm good. I have been excited to tell you about my weekend in which I finally, like, became a real Angeleno and saw Kardashian. Because it's so funny because Issa, my daughter, is like, I feel like I'm going to be a real Angelina when I see a coyote. Like, there's a coyote on my street or something. And I'm like, oh, she's never seen a coyote. Yeah, I'm like, I've seen like four coyotes. So I definitely have passed that, you know, test. But I hadn't yet been at a party with a Kardashian or an event with a Kardashian. So now I think I'm a real Angeleno because now I have been at an event with a Kardashian and a bunch of the Kardashian kids who I did not recognize, but I have friends who like, keep up with said Kardashians and they're like, oh, that's stormy. And that's so and so. And that's so and so because she had all the kids with her.

[Dori Shafrier]

What was the event? This thing.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

[Dori Shafrier]

Oh, thank you.

[Elise Hu]

So today's. Today's YouTubers are doing so much better than traditional television that they can rent out all of the Santa Monica pier for a launch event of one vertical of their skincare line. So Salish and Jordan Matter. You know Jordan Matter, one of like the biggest YouTubers out there. Yeah, Salish. And Salish is his daughter. So his daughter has basically grown up as a on YouTube and is now 16. And Salish has a Sephora or has a skincare line called Sincerely Yours that is sold at Sephora. And when they launched Sincerely Yours, I think last summer, it, their mall events had such throngs of people there that they became security incidents. Like they had to do all these various security protocols and follow ups because it was so huge. Like, Salish is today's Backstreet Boys, you know? And so Salish and Jordan are doing great. And so is Sincerely Yours her line, because they were able to rent out the entire Pacific park, which is the amusement park on the Santa Monica Pier, with, like, the Ferris wheel and all the other rides and all of the other food vendors and everything, so that if you were there for the event, you got to do all the games, ride all the rides, eat all the food for free. Plus, there was additional activations as well. Plus, they put in, like, all these vendors. They had stage activities. There were so many giveaways. And I was just like, this is the clearest evidence that YouTubers have completely taken over media in a way that is so far surpassed, like, what HBO can do, you know, unless it's Game of Thrones or one of its biggest. Yeah, big, big, big franchises. So it was wild, and it was really cool. I don't know if I was invited or my daughter was invited. Like, both of us went, but my daughter has been in Salish videos, and so I think maybe. And Sincerely Yours is a youth skincare line. They have a great mist. They have moisturizer. They have cleanser. They have, like, cute packs and all these things, and are now evolving into lip balms. And so this whole Iowa was just for the lip balm launch. It wasn't even for the skin care line launch. It was just for the lip balm launch. And so Ava went with me, and it was incredible. I was just, like, really blown away by the scale of this.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elise Hu]

And they were filming a bunch of content. Khloe Kardashian was there.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yep.

[Elise Hu]

She was there with the kids. And Ava ran into a ton of her friends. She had acted with one of the girls who's now in Rock Squad. Rock Squad is another major YouTube channel, and the entire Rock Squad was there.

[Dori Shafrier]

This is wild.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. And I knew some of the moms because of the. Because of Brat tv. So I, like, found some moms to hang out with in the VIP area, and they were kind of telling me what's up and catching me up on things. But I don't feel like I really got the full experience because, again, I wasn't sure if I was being invited there or Ava had been invited there if you. And I went. But instead, I was, like, chaperoning more. I still was able to, like, make a little bit of content, but, like, had I gone with a girlfriend of mine, I think it would have been a different experience, because once I went with Ava and got left behind, be honest, I was left behind so that she could hang out with her other teen friends and do their teen things. And I think she's the more important demographic here.

[Dori Shafrier]

Right.

[Elise Hu]

Let's face it. Yeah, I was, like, hanging out with the moms, just chilling, just, you know, waiting for time to pass by. But Jordan had a nice little meet and greet with Dhar Mann. Dhar Mann, who was another one of the biggest YouTubers, which Ava has always has also acted for. So it might have been her world.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah, I'm pretty now.

[Elise Hu]

I'm pretty sure it's her.

[Dori Shafrier]

I don't know.

[Elise Hu]

Anyway, we had a great time. I mean, you should have been there for the people watching alone, you know,

[Dori Shafrier]

I mean, look, if I invited.

[Elise Hu]

Fascinating.

[Dori Shafrier]

Fascinating, I might have gone.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, I think you would have wanted to. It's just, like, kind of fun to observe, you know? Like.

[Dori Shafrier]

Well, even, you know, even. Even Henry has watched Jordan and Salish Matter because they are now on Netflix.

[Elise Hu]

Netflix. Yeah, they're on Netflix now. I mean, that. They had a crazy Netflix deal after already doing so well on YouTube. But Jordan's really nice. He's super professional. You know, they have, like, a really tightly run operation. I'm, like, happy. I'm happy for Ava to drop in on the matter productions every once in a while, you know, and she. She doesn't play a big role. She just comes in because they need, like, an teen for this thing or that thing, like, and so it's like, great, fine. Sounds good.

[Dori Shafrier]

What a world.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, I know. It was quite a thing. And I could not wait to tell you that I'm not sure which kids I met or which kids. Which Kardashian kids I was around. But you might be able to help me out later. At least from your Reddit. Reddit sleuthing, you might be able to tell.

[Dori Shafrier]

Oh, I'm pretty familiar with the Kardashians. I follow a couple of them on Instagram.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Well, then.

[Dori Shafrier]

And I am, you know, I am just like, I continue to be fascinated at their. Their continued hold on popular culture. It's. It's like. I mean, it's amazing. Others. Others have tried and. And failed.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. I will say this is such a strange observation. And, you know, with. With the Kardashians, I think that it's a little. I guess this is probably assumed, but maybe it's not that. Did she do something? Did she get some sort of procedure with her arms? Because her arm. Which is very strange.

[Dori Shafrier]

Who? Chloe.

[Elise Hu]

Chloe.

[Dori Shafrier]

I mean, look, they have always been very

[Elise Hu]

open.

[Dori Shafrier]

Not open about the procedures they've had done. I mean, don't you remember the whole. When Kylie first had her lips done, she was like, this is just from my lip liner. And it was like, oh, what?

[Elise Hu]

No, I don't. Yeah, I just. All I watched was the only Kardashian content I've seen was back before Caitlin transitioned. So it's been a while. So I guess Kylie was just a little teenager then. She must have been 15 or something. They were in high school. Yeah, they were in high school.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah. Anyway,

[Elise Hu]

so that's my update that I was excited to tell you about.

[Dori Shafrier]

That's really something.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dori Shafrier]

But you can, you know, you can check that off. As you said, you can check that off your LA checklist.

[Elise Hu]

LA Bucket list.

[Dori Shafrier]

Right?

[Elise Hu]

Exactly.

[Dori Shafrier]

It's like LA Bingo. You know, it's like went to an event for the Kardashians. So we have a couple of questions that I want to read before we take a break. One of them was a text that we got and it said, hi, I'm looking for a quality women's bathing suit. Nothing too low or too high cut. Something that isn't itchy or doesn't feel terrible is a plus. Please share any brands.

[Elise Hu]

You bought a new bathing suit just last summer for Mexico. Did you? And that you liked. If I recall.

[Dori Shafrier]

I got a couple of like, rash guards and short kind of like bathing suit. Short bathing suits because I wanted them for, like the cenotes and, you know, zip lining and stuff. And they were fine. But I would not recommend them to this listener. I have heard Bowden makes a really nice bathing suit. It's going to be a little pricey, but I would check them out. I've also heard really great things about Land's End bathing suits.

[Elise Hu]

I have. I don't have either. I have a lot of Bowdoin clothing. I do like Bowdoin clothing. I. I recommend my J. Crew, like for some of my both one pieces and two pieces. I have J. Crew bathing suits, which are great. There's something. I don't know. I like them for my body type.

[Dori Shafrier]

They.

[Elise Hu]

They last a long time. There's some cute ones. And then this is. I don't know if this is a women's bathing suit. I think I'm just cheating for the deal, for the good deal. But my favorite two piece is from Aerie. A E R I E. Like the teen. It might be the teen intimates line from. Is it. Is it not Abercrombie? It's like Aeropostale. Yeah, I think it's Aeropostale teen intimates line aerie. They. I don't know why I was on that site, but I found a very cute plain, not padded, forest green bathing suit that now I wear all the time is so comfy. I get tons of compliments on it.

[Dori Shafrier]

Wow. Okay.

[Elise Hu]

And I think it was like $26. Did you ever fall for the Instagram, the viral Instagram swimsuit brand Somersault? Because a lot of my mom friends have bathing suits from there.

[Dori Shafrier]

I bought, I think I bought a somersault bathing suit at one point and returned it.

[Elise Hu]

Okay. A lot of my mom friends like those. I don't know why. I think they're nice, well designed in terms of like the cuts and sustainable. Maybe though there's a lot of greenwashing going on these days, so I'm not sure.

[Dori Shafrier]

So true. All right. Well, there are some wrecks. If you have suggestions for bathing suits, please get in touch. Let us know what you are loving this season or what you have loved in past seasons and let us know. All right. We also have another request for a product.

[Elise Hu]

Hi, Elise.

[Katie Shindon]

Hi, Dora, it's Katie Shindon. I'm calling for a recommendation on a chunky sandal.

[Elise Hu]

Please.

[Katie Shindon]

I know Dori has recommended great chunky sandals in the past. A Dr. Scholl's variety, I believe. I'm a Doc Martin girl. I've been wearing Doc Marten sandals also for years and I'm just at a loss. Like the new ones that I love are too heavy for my 57 year old foot to clump around. Like I can't lift them even though they're amazing. Anyway, I'm just in need of a really cute, lightweight, chunky, cool colors. Maybe not just black, I don't know. I just need sandals and I love sandals and I need cool ones that fit me and look good. So I come to you guys for this information. Love you.

[Dori Shafrier]

Elise. Do you have any, do you have any chunky sandals?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, I have a unconventional wreck for a chunky sandal.

[Dori Shafrier]

Okay, listening.

[Elise Hu]

Because I don't otherwise wear Crocs. I do not wear Crocs generally my kids kids have and do, but they made a chunky sandal a few years ago that I loved that didn't look like Crocs. It doesn't have that kind of clog look. And I guess the closest I went on their website to look for you listener and the closest appearance, you know, the closest looking sandal that still is around to the ones I have are the are called the Brooklyn Low wedge mat wrap Sandal. And they're in white and incredibly comfortable. Like, I have done music festivals in them. I have done long days, like at the Rose bowl or wherever, where I'm on my feet the entire time in Crocs Chunky sandals. So there is. That is my unconventional recommendation. What about you, Dor?

[Dori Shafrier]

I actually do have a. Have a recommendation that I bought last year from Fit Flop. Okay. Which is like a, you know, a comfort brand. But they. They have actually made some really cute shoes. Like, I've bought some of their shoes that I have really liked, and they have a few sandals that I think would fit the bill for you. They have a fisherman sandal that is really cute. And then I also have. It's called the Neo D Hiker Water resistant sandal. It kind of looks like a chunky Teva. I have them in, like, an olive green, but they come in black. They come in silver. They come in, like, a couple other neutrals. I also, my. I convinced my mom to get them too. And she was initially very hesitant because, you know, I have a narrow heel, which makes. Often makes buying shoes a little tricky. But she has a very narrow foot. Like, she has a really narrow, small foot. And a lot of times she has trouble buying sandals that don't come in narrow. But these have adjustable straps.

[Elise Hu]

Nice.

[Dori Shafrier]

And she bought these and she loves them as well. So they have the mom seal of approval. I would say they only. They come in whole sizes except for eight and eight and a half. I would say size down if you are like in between sizes. At least that's how they fit. Last year, Like, I. I'm usually like a nine and a half, and I got a nine and they fit. If I'd gotten the 10, I think they would have been too big. There's my recommendation.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, great.

[Dori Shafrier]

Okay. Um, and then we got an alarm clock recommendation. This was in response to another listener question. Um, my husband introduced me to the Sunrise alarm. There are many brands, but we have one from Monroe and company. I'm shocked by how it wakes me up. It gets bright gradually over about 20 minutes, and I cannot sleep once. It's at its brightest. I love it because there is no jarring noise in the a.m. if not this brand, then there are many others. Hope this helps.

[Elise Hu]

Yay.

[Dori Shafrier]

Okay, great. All right, we are going to take a short break. Before we do that, just a reminder, call or text us at 781-591-0390. Email us at forever35podcastmail.com Our website is forever35podcast.com we have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. Our Instagram is @forever35podcast if you want more of us, which why wouldn't you? Our patreon [e-mail] forever35 we have a free level where you get access to our newsletter and then for $5 a month you get our weekly casual chat which we now do on video. We just scheduled our next live casual chat so those are always fun. Yes, you get access to our community chat in the Patreon app you get our pop culture episodes and then at $10 a month you get ad free episodes and a shout out to on the podcast each and every month. So check that out. Patreon.com Forever35 we are gonna take a short break and we'll be right back.

[Elise Hu]

We'll be right back. All right. I have to admit I remember buying my dad a bunch of silly and useless stuff growing up for Father's Day. A lot of golf related things because he played a lot of golf and I was like, oh, I'll just get you this golf contraption of one sort or another. And it was just like plastic, useless plastic. A lot of Father's Day gifts end up in this category of a show of love gift. But not useful. Storyworth isn't one of those. It gives your dad a year long experience and gives your family a book full of stories he would definitely never think to tell on his own. And the stories that guy has. Each week Storyworth sends him a question about his life and he's supposed to respond however he wants. Writing back over email, voice recording or new. This year, a guided phone call. No apps, logins or tech hassles. Storyworth meets him where he's at so he can focus on the joy of remembering and reflecting. This is very important for the dads in my life. You can even choose from pre written questions, write your own or let Storyworth create personalized questions based on his life. I like to ask what's the biggest adventure you went on and see how he answers it. You get each story as he tells it and after a year, Storyworth compiles everything, his words, his photos, his life into a beautiful hardcover book. This year they released Storyworth's unlimited plan. So you buy it once and then you can give Storyworth memoirs to friends and family all year. Plus it comes with all their newest features and multiple full color book copies. This year, give dad a gift that captures who he really is before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June 21st order right now and save up to $20 at StoryWorth.com forever30 save up to $20 at storyworth.com forever35 storyworth.com forever35 when I don't get my movement in for the day, I find it harder to prioritize my to do list and I feel antsy. But when I get to do my morning or afternoon workout, I feel unstoppable. That's where Peloton comes in, helping you unlock all the expansive, joyful feelings you get through movement with the Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, physical movement is known to unlock cognitive clarity, emotional release, and to give a sense of expanded possibility. The cross training Tread plus is built to make that experience more personal and more immediate. Where Peloton IQ comes in is removing the decisions for you and building a workout roadmap that's completely yours so you can just move. Especially if you're working out at the end of the day. I know my brain is just done making decisions between work, home, dinner, whatever else you have going on. Removing friction from this one area of your life lets you unlock energy somewhere else. Peloton IQ also provides intelligent strength coaching so you can stay in the moment. It was designed to handle the rep counting and the form correction in real time so you're free to drop fully into the experience and show up. And with one smooth spin of the swivel screen, you can go from running on the Tread plus to strength training off of it without losing momentum and breaking the flow. Let yourself run, lift, fail, try and go Explore the new peloton cross training Tread [e-mail].

[Dori Shafrier]

All right, we are back. We got a question recently from someone who was thinking about moving away from a high cost of living area and wanted to know our thoughts, our listeners thoughts, etc and I did get a voicemail in response.

[Katie Shindon]

Hi Doran Leaf, this is Catherine, longtime listener and I wanted to call in about comment on the listener who was questioning moving out of a high cost of living area. I actually did make this decision almost six years ago now during the pandemic. My husband and I made the decision to move to Northern California and the Greater Sacramento region, which is now becoming Kai Positive but at the time was still a lot more affordable than Los Angeles and it was really a difficult decision at the time and there was a lot that we really loved about la. You know, the food, the cultural aspects. My husband grew up there and had a lot of ties so that was a hard decision, hard adjustment to rebuild a community. But we were able to get a beautiful house that we would have never had. Wonderful yard for my kids, which I really wanted. I researched the salaries too and I was actually, and I was in, I'm in healthcare, so the pay is actually better in this area and the health. And so it was just such a better financial situation. It allows us so much more freedom. We do have the house and the yard I wanted and that was really important to me and I think it was like the best decision I ever made and the community has come with it and it took some time, but I think my overall quality of life is so much better and I am so glad we made the leap. I would just, you know, do the research, visit, know it's going to be a hard transition if you do it and it's going to take time, but I would, I would do it again. I have no regrets.

[Elise Hu]

That's a lovely take. Great. You love to hear it.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yes, I agree. That is a lovely take. Thank you so much for this. Elise, do you want to take this next listener email?

[Elise Hu]

Hi, I loved the May 25 you ask, we answer, especially with the reading theme. I have two comments. 1. I really enjoyed reading Amy Schne's book Animal Instinct and was shocked when Elise said it wasn't available at the LA Public Library. I live in the Bay Area, but taking advantage of the fact that most California libraries allow anyone living in the state a library card. I have one from lapl and when I popped up on Libby, I saw the book is available there. It might have been missed because you have to scroll down a little to find it. 2. I was surprised at how strongly I reacted to the discussion about reading romance. I hope the reader who wrote in is listening to Reading Smut, the podcast hosted by Brea Grant and Mallory O', Meara, the guests, former guests of Forever 35. They were on episode 370 for discussion and appreciation of romance writing. Thanks so much for all you do. Your new episodes are always at the top of my listening list. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know why Animal Instinct doesn't show up for me in Libby, but it doesn't. So I don't know. I mean, obviously I want it. So I even put like a request that if they do get it to please let me know.

[Dori Shafrier]

So hilarious. Okay, we actually got a few messages about the romance question.

[Elise Hu]

Great.

[Dori Shafrier]

This listener writes. I have nothing to say about what the listener should do, but there's actually an interesting feminist debate about this. In 1979, Ann Snittow. My favorite college professor in the 90s, wrote an article, mass Market Romance Pornography for Women is different. Huh? She writes about reading romances as a way to assert, slash, claim slash, explore their own sexuality. In 1984, Janice Radway wrote a book, Reading the Women, Patriarchy and Modern Literature. And they say, check out that cover art in which she posits that romance novels allow women to learn to cope within patriarchy and that the novels can be a site of resistance. I can't imagine that current scholarship is ignoring the enormous growth in romantasy, et cetera, readership, but I have thankfully left academia behind and can now just read novels for fun.

[Elise Hu]

That does sound very academic, like all of these analyses and, you know, interpretations of what's going on here. But I love that that exists. And it's great that this reader's own domestic, you know, back and forth then led to. Led us to learn about all of this scholarship, as she said. Okay, next one says, I want to push back on agreeing with the husband who accused his wife of consuming romance books like porn. Pornography is obviously a word used so subjectively often to dismiss or attach shame to anything outside very narrow examples of sexuality and gender. But I think the husband was referring to content a person might use exclusively to masturbate or engage in sexual fantasy in a quick, disposable way that is different than many books in the romance genre. Romance books are so diverse, and there is a spectrum of very spicy, with depictions of physical sexual activity to very little or none at all. Many romance books are focused more, at least as much on feelings and relationships and all the other aspects of storytelling and literature. What often gets labeled romance is really just a story about a relationship that may or may not involve sex by a woman author, and often traditionally from a woman's perspective, though of course the genre is diversifying exponentially more recently without shaming porn. I think this husband sort of reduced a whole genre of literature traditionally associated with women into a very narrow understanding of one aspect of the genre, sex. And look, maybe this rife is really just into the spiciest romance has to offer. Great. But I can't shake the feeling there is some sneaky misogyny and heteronormative ickiness and as you pointed out, insecurity involved in this husband's assertion that his wife's reading habit is really, quote unquote, just porn. I'm thinking of all the authors, booksellers, and legions of romance readers who have to fight for respect in literary spheres being reduced and dismissed by this dude. Not to mention the spaces within romance that bipoc and queer folks have worked hard to carve out within this genre. Just one librarian's opinion, but this was bugging me. Thanks as always. Love that. I hope this listener feels supported by the community. And if you want to read more, there's a ton of scholarship. As it turns out, there's a ton of feminist scholarship on all of this.

[Dori Shafrier]

There you go. I love this. Thank you so much everyone who weighed in on this so thoughtfully. Like this is so. This is so great. I love our listeners so much and I hope our listener who wrote in with the original question maybe got a little hear this. Yeah. Is getting to hear this and maybe got a little clarity on it. So thank you. All right. We are going to take another short break and when we come back, we got a lot of great responses to the listener who called in or wrote in about recovering from surgery.

[Elise Hu]

Okay, great.

[Dori Shafrier]

So we will be right back.

[Elise Hu]

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[Dori Shafrier]

We are back. This listener says My young adult daughter had three major surgeries in the hip area. We found crutches, a walker, a raised toilet seat and a machine that gives a continuous flow of ice water to all be helpful. These can all be found on sites like Facebook Marketplace. You want loose pants or shorts that are easy to pull on. A printed chart to fill in medications is helpful because you will most likely be on multiple meds to start out with. Don't forget to stay ahead of pain meds and to stay up on things like Miralax. You may want a small backpack as you go from room to room as you can't even carry a phone when both of your hands are on a walker or crutches.

[Elise Hu]

Oh that's so smart.

[Dori Shafrier]

Have additional pillows handy for sleeping or take the ones from the hospital because they throw them out anyway. She found that swinging into the shower with the crutches and coming out of it to the walker was easiest and as Elise said, definitely do the pt. Sending you lots of good thoughts.

[Elise Hu]

Great tips.

[Dori Shafrier]

So many good tips. Wow wow wow wow. Okay, we also got a voicemail on this same topic.

[Katie Shindon]

Hello Elise and door, It's Katie Shinden. I'm calling about surgery, recovery and yeah, I've had two knee replacements. I had first one 2023, second one 2024 and man, yeah, do your PT. Definitely. You know, just follow all the instructions. Take time off work. Like really take care of yourself. I can't remember if you said you have small children. I did not. My children are adults but I have a special needs adult child who still needed a lot of care so I had to reach for that for help. But it was so worth it because I move so much better now. My life is 100% better now. That I have two new needs. I work with small kids, I sit on the floor, I jump, I run, I do all that. So hip surgery. I have a couple friends my age, late 50s, also have had them. Again, just take the time off work, really stretch. Do all your pt. Find a good show to watch. Oh my gosh. I watched all of succession during last surgery. But just really, really take it easy. Don't overdo physical therapy.

[Dori Shafrier]

Thank you, Katie. Katie is one of our most devoted listeners and often calls in multiple times. So we have played two of her voicemails this week.

[Elise Hu]

Oh yay.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah. So thank you. Elise, do you want to read this next one?

[Elise Hu]

Sure. Pause the pod to write in re hip surgery. My mom had a hip replacement three years ago for her surgery. They had her up and moving around right away. Some people are discharged from the hospital day of surgery. Moving and doing your PT is critical, she would say. Even if you quote unquote graduate from pt, if you don't have the range of movement you expect, go for more PT if you can. My mom was also very active despite badly needed hip replacement surgery. So her doctor made it sound like recovery would be a breeze. I think that was true compared to a typical hip replacement candidate. But it was still really hard. My mom lives alone, I live nearby, so was able to move in until she felt comfortable being alone. But I had not planned to take time off work other than the day of her surgery. I was able to move some things remote, but she ended up hiring a part time home healthcare worker to be there during the day so I could go back to work in office. So depending on your situation, you might want to research companies, see what it costs in advance just to have a plan. You also mentioned your husband is sober. Might be worth having a conversation about having strong pills in the house. There might be a time early on when you need his help to manage your meds. And depending on what your husband is sober from, that could be challenging.

[Dori Shafrier]

Very thoughtful. Really thoughtful and great advice. Thank you so much.

[Elise Hu]

These are great things to remember for just post surgery recovery, even if it's not hip replacement.

[Dori Shafrier]

Finally, another listener is basically saying like you gotta advocate for yourself. They said if their surgeon doesn't prescribe physical therapy, harass them until they do. For some reason it's not a given like it is with knee replacement surgery.

[Elise Hu]

Huh?

[Dori Shafrier]

From experience with my dad who had multiple hip replacements, more than two, long story, I can tell you that the recovery goes much smoother with physical therapy than without.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, yeah. I think my dad didn't do enough the first time. And then was much better with his second hip. But the cutest thing, the most endearing little thing about his replacement hips is that one of them, or both, I guess, are titanium. And so he has to carry a little card for the metal detectors at the airport in case he sets them off because he has a. Because he's, like, part robot, you know, he's part cyborg. Yeah. So I think now he got a knee replacement, too, earlier this year. Clearly, this family. My family needs a rheumatologist on call. We're gonna. Yeah, we're gonna go. Because my brother was like, my knee's starting to mess up. And I'm like. At first it was my right knee, but these days my left knee. And he's like, maybe there's something going on with the family and our joints, huh?

[Dori Shafrier]

Oh, my gosh.

[Elise Hu]

Exactly. Yeah. Where's our sound effects?

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah. All right, well, that brings us over here to the intention zone. Yep. We do need a sound effect for that. Elise, did you leave the house and do strength training?

[Elise Hu]

I did. I did twice. And then I couldn't move, like, between. And then I had to take, like, a long break in between because I hadn't been doing it a lot. And then I was so sore, my butt hurt so bad. Long time. Weak butt syndrome. Dead butt syndrome.

[Dori Shafrier]

Suffer over syndrome.

[Elise Hu]

So I. I need to. I have. I have gotten back into it. I feel pretty good about that. And there just needs to be more consistency.

[Dori Shafrier]

Fair enough. Fair enough.

[Elise Hu]

What about you? Well, we didn't really cover sectionals at the top of the show.

[Dori Shafrier]

That's true. We talked about on the casual chat.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dori Shafrier]

Sectionals was good. The team did not do that well. I did okay, but we had fun. And it was, like, nice to be away. The weather was great, and it was just, like, nice to be playing tennis. I also. I mentioned this on the casual chat, but another thing that was really cool was there were multiple levels there. So I'm a 3 0. There was. There were the 30 women, and then there were the 40 women, and then there were, the 50 plus women, and there's levels in between each so that, you know, you're three zero, then you go to three five, then four zero, four five. So, you know, women who are five zero are very good at tennis. Most of them. I. I would say you can't be a 50 without having, like, played in college. Um, and these are also women who are over 40, so I got to watch some of their matches, and I was like, wow. Like, this is very inspiring to see these women playing such high level tennis. You know, I like not to make assumptions, but it did look like several of them were like into their 50s. Um, so that was very cool. And I saw a woman in her 70s who was playing a 40 match and like, I would love to be playing 4 oh tennis when I'm in my 70s. Like, that's amazing. So, yeah, so it was very fun on like many levels. And then this week, you know, it's Henry's last day of school soon, beginning of summer. Like there's a lot of feelings he's going to different school next year. So, you know, just like a lot happening. So gonna try to just take it day by day, enjoy the beginning of summer and just like be there for him also. But a lot of big feelings lately, I would say.

[Elise Hu]

And we should shout out all our listeners and wish all our listeners kind of a happy commencement and graduation to all your family members because this is one of the big graduation weekends and last weekend really was too, I think so.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Congrats to all the grads and all the families who helped support your graduates and get through. So that's happening all over America right now. So congrats. And my intention is going to be to really enjoy family time because I have my parents here for the next month and it's really great to just all be able to be together. And then every time we're together, we plan our next adventure together as a family. So we're already thinking about what we're going to do for winter break and to get to see each other. So yeah, congrats to everybody. Happy graduation season. You made it through Maysember everyone too. And we will talk to you next Monday or Friday if you are a casual chat listener.

[Dori Shafrier]

Yeah. And Forever 35 is hosted and produced by me, Dori Shafrier and Elise Hu and produced and edited by Sam Hunio. Sammy Reed is our project manager and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone.

[Elise Hu]

Talk to you next time.

[Dori Shafrier]

Bye.

[Elise Hu]

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