You Ask, We Answer: The New Format Debuts!

Summary

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Forever35: "You Ask, We Answer: The New Format Debuts!"

Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Episode Date: May 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Doree and Elise introduce a refreshed podcast format, now named "Mega Mailbag," combining listener Q&As, advice, recommendations, and life updates into a single, robust episode every other week. With their signature blend of humor and sincerity, they tackle questions about balancing hobbies and family life, navigating relationships alongside addiction recovery, discovering joy in simple routines, and offer crowd-sourced book and product recommendations. The episode is rich with practical self-care strategies and candid personal reflections, making it both useful and delightfully relatable.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. New Format Announcement and Hosts' Creative Updates

(01:48 – 08:15)

• The hosts roll out their new "Mega Mailbag" format, shifting from weekly advice minis to a biweekly, longer-form Q&A episode.
• Doree shares news of her new book deal for Cedar Drive, a suspenseful Los Angeles-set novel in the "Big Little Lies"/"White Lotus" tradition.
  • Quote: “You don’t know who died. You don’t know who did it. You don’t know how it happened. ...It’s like a big sort of juicy Los Angeles novel and I’m really excited about it.” (04:21)
• Elise is deep in editing a documentary on resilience among LA youth recovering from wildfires.
• Both discuss the benefits of creative collaboration, whether with editors or impact producers.
  • Quote (Elise): “Being able to be on the phone... and just have somebody to spitball with ... and then they helped mirror and articulate what we were saying back to us. ...This is awesome. We haven’t been in the room with other people in a while.” (07:11)

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2. How Do They Juggle Hobbies, Work, and Family?

(08:15 – 13:18)

Doree’s Schedule:

• Plays tennis 4–5 times a week, but expects to scale back for writing.
• Family childcare is shared with her husband, Matt, making room for both creative work and hobbies.

Elise’s Schedule:

• Tennis lesson every Friday, plays with friends midweek, running date on Thursdays—all “frozen” in her calendar for consistency.
• Emphasizes the challenge of finding creative headspace as a parent, and how preserving time for hobbies/social health means saying "no" more to freelance work.
  • Quote (Elise): “I need to have time after the kids go down to go out and get drinks with my friends and hang out. And so in order to do that and still get enough sleep, there needs to be other stuff that goes.” (12:45)

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3. Evolving Partnership: Friendship & Podcasting Reflections

(13:18 – 16:50)

• Listeners ask how Doree and Elise’s relationship has changed over nearly two years.
• They discuss starting as acquaintances and becoming close friends, and how their honest, low-stakes approach to launching the podcast helped their bond grow.
  • Quote (Doree): “We both went into it being like, we're just gonna be, like, super honest with each other. ...I think that was good. ...That we have been able to grow our friendship in that time as well.” (14:56)
• The “gift” of the podcast is getting to interview inspiring women from many fields. Episodes with Maya Shankar, Debbie Millman, and Lynn Slater are highlighted for their enduring impact.

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4. Micro Joys and Listener Happiness Hacks

(16:50 – 18:14)

• Listener shares joy in creatively listing items on Facebook Marketplace—a nod to discovering “glimmers” and micro joys in daily life.
• Elise recounts her partner Rob’s humorous item descriptions, highlighting how small, silly routines can be a creative outlet.

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5. Listener Advice: Navigating a Partner’s Addiction Recovery

(22:20 – 30:41)

A deeply resonant segment, featuring heartfelt listener letters and guidance for a listener whose husband has entered rehab:

• Advice Themes:
  • Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Setting up self-support is as critical as helping the addict.
  • Family/couples counseling and clear boundary-setting are encouraged.
  • Listeners stress the importance of Al Anon and support groups.
  • Multiple correspondents affirm: it’s valid to prioritize your own well-being, even if that ultimately means leaving.
    • Quote (Listener): “Getting off the ride is a completely valid option. ...Leaving was the kindest thing I ever did for myself and possibly for him.” (26:51)
  • Addiction can “creep” into other behaviors; support and self-understanding are crucial for partners.
    • Quote (Listener): “When you take one thing away, it can sometimes creep into another. ...Remember to take care of yourself first because you’ll be no good to him if you aren’t good yourself.” (29:22)

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6. Product & Book Recommendations

(35:25 – 47:09)

- AI & Tech Novels:

- *Playground* by Richard Powers (AI as a central theme; recommended by Pulitzer-winning author fan)
- *Culpability* by Bruce Holsinger (tech world fiction; “good enough for a boy”)

- Travel Tips (36:49 – 40:18):

- Extra socks and underwear for trips like DisneyWorld.
- Put a change of clothes in the outer compartment.
- Use Apple Airtags for luggage and valuables.
- “Packing retrospectives”—evaluate post-trip what was used/not used to refine future packing.

- Alarm Clocks for Better Sleep Hygiene (40:44 – 44:52):

- Braun BC22 Classic Analog Alarm Clock: minimalist, gentle light, non-disruptive design.
- Reacher Digital Alarm Clock: combines alarm and white noise with adjustable light.
- Hatch: sunrise-style light; app subscription provides extra features.
- Hosts debate subscription models for household products.

- Mineral Body Sunscreens (45:28 – 46:30):

- Alba Botanica: gentle, available as spray and moisturizer with SPF.
- Affirmation: “Any sunscreen is better than no sunscreen,” especially during pregnancy.

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7. Setting & Reviewing Weekly Intentions

(47:09 – 50:46)

• Doree:
  • Progress on summer planning—booked camp weeks and travel; next goal is to structure her book writing schedule.
  • Scaling back on extra commitments (like tennis team captain duties).
• Elise:
  • Adulting goals: paid parking tickets, scheduled medical appointments (breast MRI).
  • Expresses bittersweet feelings about her middle child's upcoming elementary school graduation, resolves to “enjoy some time with the children.”
    • Quote (Elise): “The thing about your kids is every day you spend with them could be the last time you spend with that version of the kid, because they’re constantly changing.” (49:41)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Doree on balancing ambition & self-care:
  “I have been playing quite a bit. ...but I will need to carve out some more time for book stuff going forward.” (09:12)

• Elise on time scarcity:
  “I feel like I don’t have enough time to work...but it is important to kind of have your hobbies and like leisure also just as a matter of self care.” (10:25)

• On podcast partnership evolution:
  “We went into it feeling like… kind of low stakes. Nice. That we have been able to, like, grow our friendship in that time as well.” (15:39)

• Listener on leaving a relationship with addiction:
  “Leaving was the kindest thing I ever did for myself and possibly the kindest thing I could have done for him. ...It allowed him to gain a deeper understanding of his addiction and its consequences.” (26:51)

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Listener Resources

• Al Anon: Support for loved ones of those with addiction.
• Pema Chödrön's Book: When Things Fall Apart
• Product Codes: Forever35 code for discounts at Geometry House (dish towels), Bowl & Branch (sheets), Alba Botanica (body sunscreen, via recommendations).

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Episode Tone & Style

Doree and Elise maintain a conversational, honest, and often humorous style, blending direct life advice with admissions of imperfection and struggle. They are generous in spotlighting both their own growth and their listeners’ wisdom, creating a sense of collective self-care.

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Useful Timestamps for Key Segments

• New Format+Host Updates: 01:48–08:15
• Work-Life-Hobby Balance: 08:33–13:18
• Podcast Relationship Reflections: 13:18–16:50
• Listener Addiction Support Letters: 22:20–30:41
• Book/Product/Travel Recommendations: 35:25–47:09
• Intentions & Mindful Parenting: 47:09–50:46

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For more self-care, product links, and bonus content, visit forever35podcast.com and patreon.com/forever35.

Transcript

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[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shafrier.

[Elise Hu]

And I'm Elise Hu. And we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And this is the first of our new format mini episodes that we're not calling mini episodes anymore.

[Elise Hu]

Yes, it looks like we're likely to call these mega mailbags based on the votes of our Patreon community. Okay, they are our advice time talk back Q and A episodes in which we take your questions and your calls and your texts and your emails and we also hear from you with what's going on in your lives. Any recommendations that y' all have, any requests for what's going on in our lives or recommendations that we have. So we're going to have these types of episodes on Mondays every other week. They were they are going to go in between our interview episodes which will be on the Mondays where it's not going to be advice episodes.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah, our Patreon is remaining the same. We're still doing our casual chats every week as well as everything else that happens on our [e-mail] forever35 and yeah, we, you know, we still want to get your questions and your comments, so please keep sending those in. We'll just be doing them every two weeks instead of every week in like a bigger mega mailbag episode. You can call or text us at 781-591-0390 and email us at forever35podcastmail.com part

[Elise Hu]

of the reason we are going to one regular longer form episode per week instead of the two that we were doing for the past couple of years is because both of us hosts have some exciting projects going on. Y' all know that I have been co directing a documentary about kids who are growing up amid the fire recovery here in Los Angeles that has started post production. So we're like heads down trying to edit and assemble a documentary. And boy, it's a lot, but also very exciting and artistically fulfilling. And then Dori just publicly announced. Now it can be told.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Now it can be told.

[Elise Hu]

Her new. Yes. Her new book deal.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. So I'm writing a book, another novel. It's called Cedar Drive. It is the story of three women who live on the same block in Los Angeles. Cedar Drive.

[Elise Hu]

Yes.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And there is a death at the beginning and kind of in like grand big little lies or a White Lotus tradition. You don't know who died. You don't know who did it. You don't know how it happened. And then the book sort of unfolds in the months before the death and you learn how it happened and what led up to it. But it's like a big sort of juicy Los Angeles novel and I'm really excited about it.

[Elise Hu]

And you know who died, right?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I do. I do know who died.

[Elise Hu]

Okay. I don't know.

[Commercial Narrator 2]

I don't know.

[Elise Hu]

I don't know your writing process. Maybe you're like, we'll figure it out as we go along.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I mean, you know, I actually had a couple of different versions when I first started. Like, I was like, who did die?

[Elise Hu]

Right.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

But it was also like who should I lead people to think died versus who actually died? So yeah. So it's been fun. I have not finished Will still. I'm still working on it and I Think right now it is, like, tentatively scheduled to come out winter 28, which basically means far. I know, but it really just means like the January to March season of 2028. So it's like a year and a half. Okay, so it's like, far, but not that far.

[Elise Hu]

This gives you time to finish it. Yes, because y' all sold it without it being completely done, right?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Correct.

[Elise Hu]

How much more do you think you have to write, like, percentage wise of the book or.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Probably. Probably a quarter to a third.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

It's a. I would say it's like about 2/3 or 3/4. Done.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

So not, like, not a ton. I'm not like, starting from scratch, but also, like, kind of a significant chunk. And I mentioned this on a casual chat, but I have a conversation with my editor on later this week where we're gonna kind of like, go over the manuscript so far and, like, where it's going. And that'll give me, like, I think, more of a road map.

[Elise Hu]

So also it's just like, generative, I think, to have an editor now because then you have somebody to go back and forth with.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes, I love having an editor. Like, I always thought people who, like, don't like being edited. I'm like, what are you talking about?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, no, it's the best part of the process.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

We.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, we brought some new producers on to the documentary actually, as we're. As we are applying for new grants. So there's more grants. There's like, grants that you can apply for all the time. And I feel like I've been unsuccessful. I've been like, we got a good. A good big grant last year that was unrestricted. But then for every one grant that we've gotten, I've probably filled out like 19. Right. And so this year or just a couple weeks ago, we engaged with some impact producers. So folks who work on, like, the campaign, the social impact campaign, end of a documentary. So, like, if your documentary is about, say, these people who are wrongfully imprisoned, they might have an impact campaign around the groups that would help with legal defense or something like that. So ours is a film about resiliency of young people. And so it's a little bit more broad. It's not like, hey, we need to get so and so out of jail. But I hadn't done any thinking about around it. And it's coming up in a lot of the grant applications. And so we hired some producers to come on and like, consult on this and just being able to be on the phone and just have somebody to Spitball with and like ask us questions which then we had to kind of think out loud and respond to. And then they helped mirror and articulate what we were saying back to us. And we were like, this is awesome. We haven't been in the room with other people in a while. So good.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

That's like. I love being able to have a collaborator. Like, there's just nothing better to have someone to like bounce ideas off of and work together. So that's so great. You know, we actually. We got a question that is like sort of related, which is.

[Elise Hu]

Okay, perfect.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Someone asked. Hi, Dory. I think it's so neat that tennis is such a big part of your life. As a parent with zero hobbies. Do my baby's swimming lessons count? Can you give us a rundown of a typical weekly schedule for you? How do you work, do childcare, dog care, and fit in tennis? Thank you for any guidance you can provide. I'd love to hear Elise answer the question too, even though I think she plays less tennis. So Slash has other hobbies. Well, I will say I think this is going to change pretty substantially over the summer when I really get into like book Zone because right now I'm probably playing like four to five times a week.

[Elise Hu]

Wow.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And I need to like dial that back because I'm going to need to like really buckle down on book stuff. Usually one of at least one of those is a match on the weekends and then one of those is a match during the week. And then I will sometimes have like one nighttime practice and then like one to two morning practices. One of the practices is usually a lesson because I do usually take a lesson every week. So I have been playing quite a bit. You know, Henry's in school, so that part of it is like, you know, that is kind of childcare. And Matt and I split up pickups and drop offs. So whoever takes him to school in the morning, the other person does the pickup. So there's that. And then also, you know, if I, if I go to practice at night, like Matt puts him to bed, he is perfectly capable of doing so. So yeah, so we've kind of made it work. But I will need to like carve out some more time for book stuff going forward.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, for me I feel like I don't have enough time to work. Like I need a lot more time to work than I currently have hours in the day to work. But it is important to kind of have your hobbies and like leisure also just as a matter of self care. So I almost always Reliably take a tennis lesson on Fridays because that's a standing thing. And then on Wednesday mornings I try and play with my friend Angela right after drop off. So I try to play like twice a week. And then I have a standing running date on Thursdays. And what has allowed me to maintain those is just like that they are frozen in my calendar. Just like my therapist is always every other Thursday at 9am and so because they're there, my other recordings and things that pop up can't come up. Like they're just blocked. Right. And so having those blocks are really helpful. I also have to have blocks in the afternoon because the kids have to be shuttled in so many different directions. And even with three parents like me and the two dads, it's. And a driver. Ava has a driver too, to drive her to volleyball. That's still not even. It's like not enough coverage sometimes. So I like one of the great frustrations of this seventh grade year. So the 25, 26 school year has been all the driving. I really feel as though the amount of headspace that I have needed in order to do my best creative work, I just haven't had. I just flat out haven't had. And I'm not willing to let go of things like going for a run on Thursdays because that's the only time I run anymore. And so that's part of the reason why we're doing one fewer episode per week. And then I'm thinking through like what I can take on. So I'll have random people from magazines or from substacks or whatever ask me to do commissions. Like write pieces about beauty culture, for example.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

No, I mean, I barely do freelance writing anymore because it's just not worth it. Like the amount of time it takes to do a reported 2,000 word piece for what places pay now, it's like unless you're promoting something, it's. I mean, it's grim.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just having to say no to more things. But in doing so, I think it allows me to a maintain my blocks of time for exercise or hobbies. Like I also, you know, my social health is very important to me. So like I need to have time after the kids go down to go out and get drinks with my friends and hang out. And so in order to do that and still get enough sleep, you know, like there needs to be other stuff that goes. And I feel like what has gone too much is like my work, like my concentrated flow.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I feel that for sure I'm Just

[Elise Hu]

rearranging some things to accommodate.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yep. So we got a couple other questions that I just want to touch on before we take a break. Someone wrote in and said, found this in my drafts. Oops. But realize these questions didn't come up too much on your 400th celebration, which was great. I was just thinking about how Elise had been on the pod for almost two years now. Curious how you would say your relationship has changed in this time. Also, if there are any takeaways from guests or each other, including Kate, that have really stuck with you.

[Elise Hu]

I. I mean, for me. And I'm curious what you would say. Dora. I feel like Dory and I didn't even know each other very well when we first started podcasting because we knew each other through our shared editor, Carrie Fry, who was lovely, and I'm so glad that she brought us together. Dory really kind of just took a chance to say, like, hey, do you want to do this? And, like, now we're legit friends, you know? Like, Dory, I didn't hear from Dory all weekend, and I was like, dory, how was your weekend?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And by the time I think I didn't get that text, I think I went to sleep, like, right after I texted you. It had just been such a chaotic, crazy weekend. And I was like, oh, yeah, I didn't talk to Elise all weekend.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I know. Same. But, yeah, now, like, knowing more about us and our personalities, I do think it's, like, funny that I was the one to reach out and be like, hey, we should do this, because this. That feels to me like so much more of, like, an Elise thing to do.

[Elise Hu]

Like, hey, let's just try this.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah, but maybe that's why you were so down, is because you were like, yeah, why not? And I. I don't know. Maybe I, like, sense that. But, yeah, we, like, didn't really know each other. I just got good vibes from Elise and was like, well, she. I. I also knew that you had podcasted and had, like, audio experience, so that was also important. We both went into it being like, we're just gonna be, like, super honest with each other. If we feel. If either of us feels like in three, you know, in three months. I think we gave it three months. Like, if we're. If we feel like this isn't working, like, we'll just call it off, like, no hard feelings. And I think that was good. Like, we sort of went into it feeling like, okay, this is, like, kind of low stakes. Nice. That we have been able to, like, grow our friendship in that time as well.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. It's been so fun. And, like, also in our. Get to the. To the guest question or the guest part of that question. Like, I feel like Forever 35, one of the great gifts of it is the opportunity to talk with so many women who are inspiring, who are talented, who are often their writers and creatives, comedians, musicians, whatever, doing things out in the world. And so we get great takeaways from a lot of these conversations. I was just thinking about, like, Maya Shankar, which was an interview that I did on my own one Friday afternoon because of a bunch of scheduling changes and how powerful that was. I remember Debbie Millman was really awesome.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I love her so much.

[Elise Hu]

Lynn Slater, about how to be old.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Oh, my gosh. Yes. You know what's so funny is when we post our clips on Instagram, we do them as, like, collabs so that we can post them on our own pages as well. And the clip of her. And so I see all the comments and the, like, the likes that come in. I am still getting comments and likes on that post.

[Elise Hu]

Wow.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

To this day, because, like, what she says just resonates with people so deeply. So it's. That's really. Yeah. I loved that episode. Okay, one more thing just quickly before we take a break, which is someone wrote in and said there's been a lot of discussion about Micro Joys slash glimmers on the show lately, which I love. I thought I'd share a new one I've discovered inspired by Elise's Rob. Okay. Listing items on Facebook Marketplace with clever slash ridiculous descriptions. I almost texted this to you and Rob. Then I was like, I love doing this. I know. Maybe this is one of his Micro Joys. I find it a good outlet for my creativity and also something I can do while watching TV after my kids go to bed. I listed a bunch of stuff tonight, and I'd been looking forward to it all day.

[Elise Hu]

This is like his. I'm. I'm reminded of one of his posts. It was like a deluxe drying rack, but.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

Or.

[Elise Hu]

No, it's just a drying rack. But he called it a deluxe drying rack. And he's like, have you ever seen such a deluxe drying rack? Like, there has never been a drying rack. More. More deluxe. And it's just like, so. They're just so, like, silly.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. But. So anyway, one of our listeners also feels this way.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, my gosh, that's so great.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah. I love this. We have to tell also, for those of you who still Want some of those geometry dish towels? We our discount with them is back to 15 off.

[Elise Hu]

Oh yay. So I'm gonna take advantage of this myself.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I know right? You can use code Forever in all caps for 15 off. And their website is Geometry House.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah. All right. So please do call or text us at 781-591-0390. Email us at forever35podcastgmail.com Our website is forever35podcast.com we have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. Our Instagram is @forever35podcast and again our Patreon is patreon.com forever35. You can join us at the free level. You get access to the semi monthly newsletter where we discuss pod highlights, product reviews, discounts, giveaways, more bonus content. There's always like some fun viral video in there. At $5 a month you get access to our Casual chat which is now on video, our live casual chats once a quarter, access to our community chat, monthly pop culture episodes and more. And at $10 a month you get ad free episodes and a shout out on the podcast each and every month. You can shop our favorite products at shopmy us./forever35 and after the break we had a few listeners write in with advice for the listener whose husband went

[Elise Hu]

to re okay, fantastic. We will be right back.

[Commercial Narrator 2]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

All right, we are back. Elise, do you want to take this first note?

[Elise Hu]

Sure. Hello Dorian, Elise, I wanted to reach out to the caller who wrote in asking for advice on self care while her husband is in rehab for Alco addiction. I have experience with this with my spouse. The addiction was not alcohol, but it did take several tries for him to seek treatment. He was gone for five weeks and this was almost three years ago now. I will say that timeframe you mentioned is on the low side of things. Depending on your financial situation. I know people stay up to 90 days. My sister did 90 days for alcoholism and she has been sober for eight years now. What I think is helpful is also setting up support for yourself both now and long term. I would recommend having family meetings or couples counseling while he is in treatment. Usually there will be a family weekend or a virtual session and continue this afterwards. Taking advantage of family support groups if they offer it. Have a Meeting before he comes home about boundaries and ground rules. For example, will all alcohol be out of the house? What will he do if he feels triggered? What will you do if he begins drinking again? It is important he shares his sobriety plan with you too. Understand you have no control over his sobriety or whether he will relapse. This is very hard. Do fun things. Walk your dog with a friend to a coffee shop, join a group fitness class, etc. I struggled with feeling angry after my spouse came home because I had been taking care of our dog kids home and was working while he was away. There is a lot of ongoing work afterwards and it is a long haul. I say this not to discourage you, but to prepare you for a marathon and not a sprint. I really wish you all the best. I totally echo that. As somebody who has also had addiction in our family, this is only for me. I mean, I don't know what's true for other people's experiences, but I have often felt like, you know, with my loved ones who have battled addiction, I'm like, oh, so you went and got treatment. You're done? Like, okay, great, you're healed. Sort of like my laryngitis is healed after my steroid therapy, you know?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes.

[Elise Hu]

And most addictions don't run that course, so.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Such a good point.

[Elise Hu]

Even being able to internalize that it is this long haul and that there are such ideas as dry drunks, essentially that you might be sober but haven't actually processed a lot of the triggers and the darkness that led to the addiction in the first place. And then obviously, there's a lot of evidence that addictive behavior can be genetic too, so it can be a lifelong battle. So for the loved ones, you know, we've talked about Al Anon, which is the support group for loved ones who have addiction in their lives, but also just being able to find group therapy or a therapist or, you know, friends who can really be there for you. As somebody who's not the one who's going through the. The addiction, but this the person who has. Who's kind of standing next to somebody who feels like they're on fire, like, that's really, really vital that you have a support system too.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

That's such good advice. All right, this next note I thought was so interesting. Hi, Dorian. Elise. I had so many pause the pod moments during mini app389 raising tweens. I have four. What do we do about AI? But the biggest was the listener in Atlanta with a partner entering rehab. This was me about 15 years ago, during our time together, my ex husband did four stints in rehab for alcoholism and addiction. I agreed with all of your advice. Al Anon is great. Therapy is crucial. And what Elise said about recovery likely being more than a four to ten week journey is so true. And I wanted to affirm that if for whatever reason she doesn't want to, quote, strap in for the ride, she doesn't have to. Getting off the ride is a completely valid option. Partners see addicts at their most vulnerable lowest moments. This vulnerability leads to emotional closeness that makes it super difficult to remember that you don't have to stay in the relationship if it isn't serving you and you do not need to take responsibility for supporting an addict's recovery. The Listener doesn't share exactly how her partner's addiction has affected their relationship. But healthy, loving relationships are incredibly difficult to maintain when someone is battling addiction. Even when recovery is going well, it can be all consuming and leave little space for showing up in relationships. If the listener wants to go on that journey with her partner, I'm sending her all the positive vibes. I just wish I didn't wait for my ex to, quote, hit rock bottom or become abusive to decide it was time to leave. Leaving was the kindest thing I ever did for myself and possibly the kindest thing I could have done for him. It allowed him to gain a deeper understanding of his addiction and its consequences. He passed away due to overdose shortly after our divorce was finalized. It was tragic and took some excellent therapy to understand on a deep level that I couldn't have saved him. I hope the listener's partner has a better outcome and that she's able to find all the joy she deserves, even in the mess. Finally, my book Rec for this Moment is Pima Chodron's little masterpiece, When Things Fall Apart. There's a reason it had a cameo in White Lotus. Thanks for all you do to help us take care of ourselves.

[Elise Hu]

That's a really lovely note and I'm so sorry that the life of your former partner ended tragically. But that's an important thing to remember. You can choose to not be in relationship with them. You can actually choose not to be in a relationship with your family members too. But it's obviously different types of relationships. So yeah, that's an important thing to remember.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

The whole.

[Elise Hu]

Put your own mask on first. Yes.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. All right. Do you want to take this last one on this topic?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Thank you all for sharing so openly. Hello. Writing in for the listener, whose husband started rehab when my husband and I met he was six months sober and we've had blips. He tried being California sober for a while, but it snowballed and he was back to his old habits of hiding it, et cetera, et cetera. I should also add we have now been together for 11 years. Thanks Tinder. I'm so glad you are already in therapy and have a support group. I think that is going to be very important, especially when he gets home. I don't know if you imbibe or use Kratom, but I think it's going to be very beneficial to his sobriety if you don't use or drink around him. When I met my husband I told him I wouldn't drink around him, period. When we would go to parties, weddings, out to dinner, hanging out with his family, literally anytime he was present with alcohol. I didn't drink because no one loves to be the sober person in the room full of drunk people, period. His family never stopped drinking around him and I know there's different opinions on this, but I think for a sober person's partner they need your complete support. Of course, have a drink when you go out with friends and he's not there. I don't exactly know what the next four to ten weeks looks like, but my husband recently did an intensive outpatient therapy program. You are going to need to be his rock and be supportive and then use your outlets, friends, therapy, support group to take care of yourself. I haven't gone to Al Anon but have considered it and this reminds me I should because I generally just don't understand how an addict brain works and believe me, they are different. This is also for a life thing. When you take one thing away, it can sometimes creep into another. When my husband stopped smoking weed, it then became an overspending habit. My husband is a chef and for the first several years we didn't have anything in the house. But when he felt comfortable and wanted to buy wine for cooking, he asked me to go to the liquor store with him and that went on for years before he felt comfortable going by himself. I can't imagine getting to this place was easy. So I would also suggest couples counseling for when he does come home so that you can process what came before and then find a healthy way to move forward together. After a miscarriage, two kids, a technical relapse with weed, some major overspending, we have started couples therapy and I wish we would have started much sooner. This probably isn't clear or concise, but remember to take care of yourself first because you'll be no good to him if you aren't good yourself. And it's a marathon, not a sprint. Much love. A lot of the same themes coming through here.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. Yes. This is tough. This is all tough. Thank you all so much for sharing, and I hope that some of this was helpful for our original listener and anyone else listening who is dealing with addiction in their lives.

[Elise Hu]

Yep.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

All right, we are going to take another short break, and we'll be right back. And after the break, we have some great product recommendations on a bunch of different topics. So stay tuned, stick around.

[Elise Hu]

We'll be right back.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

You know, I feel like we put so much effort into our skin care with all the serums, the treatments, facials, routines, et cetera, et cetera, but do we think about the thing touching our skin for eight hours every single night?

[Elise Hu]

Our sheets?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. Let's spend some time considering our bedding.

[Elise Hu]

Good point. Good point.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

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[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And I'm kind of obsessed with them.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, I'm so excited.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

They're super soft, but they also, they feel, like, substantial.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Like, I feel like I've gotten sheets in the past that just feel kind of flimsy. And these feel, like, really nice. Do you know what I mean?

[Elise Hu]

They're lux.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes, they are lux. And they were soft when I, like, picked them up out of the box. But, you know, you washed your sheets before you put them on the bed, and they got even softer, like, even just after the first. So great wash. So I'm obsessed. I love. It was so nice to come back from vacation and just, like, get into my cozy, comfy bowl and branch sheets. Oh, so nice. A lot of people start with the bowl and branch signature sheets, and then they add the matching pillowcases and a waffle blanket, because that combination makes the whole bed feel softer and cooler. It's one of those upgrades where you notice the difference the very first night. So upgrade your sleep with bowl and branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowl and branch.com./forever35 with code forever35. That's bowl and branch. B O, L, L A N D branch.com/forever35 code forever35 to unlock 15% off exclusions apply. Elise, I want you to picture this, okay? It's the middle of the week. You want a home cooked meal, but you can't think of anything to cook except the same thing you cook every week.

[Elise Hu]

True story.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah, it's like that's comfort food, but you want some adventure. Mm. But with hellofresh, you can cook up bold flavors from around the world without ever leaving home. Which I think you actually did do recently.

[Elise Hu]

I sure did. I made the Hellofresh classic beef tacos, which everyone loves.

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[Elise Hu]

a little chipotle lime crema. So we kind of. Yeah, we made it a little more

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[Elise Hu]

And it's classic, yet sure to satisfy. It was great for the whole family.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Elise Hu]

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[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Okay, we are back.

[Elise Hu]

We are back.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

We are, we're so back.

[Elise Hu]

Please,

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

should we, should we come back from every break saying that we are so back.

[Elise Hu]

Some real enthusiasm.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

We have some recommendations, a few voicemails about some recommendations.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

Hey, Dori, Elise. I just had a book recommendation for the listener that was looking for good novels about AI and the book is called Playground by Richard Powers. He wrote the Overstory and a couple others. It's a Pulitzer prize winning author and it's a great novel and AI plays a really important role in it. Good read. Highly recommend. Thanks a lot. Bye.

[Elise Hu]

Very cool. Good.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Have you read this?

[Elise Hu]

Keep on Coming. I haven't even heard of it. Yeah, I mean, I know Richard Power. I didn't know that this was like a big book. In AI. Okay. Fantastic.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Okay. We also got a recommendation. Great newer fiction about the tech world currently is Culpability by Bruce Holsinger. I found it to be riveting and gave it five stars. Not as fun as Dory's book, but pretty decent for a male author.

[Elise Hu]

Good enough for a boy.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Good enough for a guy. Okay. Culpability. Also a book I have not heard of. So thank you for the recommendation. Our next voicemail has to do with travel inspired by my big Disney World trip.

[Elise Hu]

Great.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

Hey, Doran Elise, I'm fresh off some travels and have some tips that I wanted to share just sparked by Dory's trip to Disney World. Just thinking about Disney World, pack extra socks. Because something we ran into was we would be out all day, we would come back to the room, people would like, chill or go swimming or whatever. And then you don't want to get into your gross socks that you wore all day. Same thing kind of goes for underwear. And then my general tip is to think about where you're going, whether you're going to be out all day, go straight to dinner, or whether you're going to be coming back for dinner. Because we also went on a trip recently where we were out all day and then just rolled into dinner. We didn't go back to the room, so we didn't change. And we needed far fewer clothes than I thought we did, so it sort of overpacked. And then I think my final tip for right now is that we had a bag drop after a red eye, but I wanted to have a change of clothes and like, wash my face, so I just put those in the outside of the suitcase so they were easy to grab. We don't do like a change of clothes on the in the carry on anymore. I know that was a common tip, but with Airtags, I am flying direct. I'm kind of like, I'm not going to lose this bag. I'm going to put my face in that. So I just put the extra change of clothes in the outside of the bag and anything you need to grab quickly in the outside side kind of compartment of your large suitcase. And yeah, airtags, the best. Definitely put one of those in your suitcase. And also if you have a bag with your passport saying you don't want to lose those, put your airtag on that bag. Anyway, safe travels, everyone. I would love to hear other people's tips because it's so fun to think about. Okay, bye.

[Elise Hu]

I heard in there that idea that, you know, she kind of had more stuff than she needed. Which reminds me of my friend Esther's tried and true practice of. Of doing a, like, debrief. Not a debrief, a retrospective. After every time she packs, she. After she gets back from a trip, she evaluates, and she's. She's sort of unpacking. She evaluates. Did I use this? Did I not? And then there's a list of, like, yeses and no's so that the next time. I love that she doesn't have any. The goal is to bring no extraneous items, nothing that doesn't get used, because it's inevitable that there are outfits that you pack that you don't wear, or more socks and underwear than you need or whatever liquids that are taking up space and weight.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes.

[Listener or Guest Contributor]

Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

So she doesn't edit, so smart.

[Elise Hu]

I'm not that rigorous because I don't like to unpack at all. I will leave a bag just still packed from the last. I have one sitting right next to me right now.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I just like that Matt will do that too. Which, like, didn't really matter when he was traveling a lot, but now that he's not traveling a lot, sometimes he'll

[Elise Hu]

be like, where are my pants? Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah. Or he'll, like, open up a suitcase and be like, oh, that's where that went from two years ago or whatever. You know, I do also find that, like, you know, sometimes you, like, add something last minute and you're like, is this a good idea? And then that turns out to be the thing that you wear all, like, the whole trip.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

So I feel like it's not necessarily, like, a good barometer of, like, oh, I packed this first, so I will wear it versus I packed it last. So I kind of like your I really like your friends retrospective. Yeah. Very interesting. Okay. I love everyone's packing strategies. These are so cool. Okay. And then we also had a listener asking for an alarm clock wreck.

[Elise Hu]

Yes.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yes. Okay.

[Listener or Guest Contributor]

Hey, y', all, this is Lila from Kansas City. I heard the voicemail from the woman who's looking for a analog clock. So they don't use their phone or feel tempted to use their phone when they're trying to sleep. And I've been really working on my sleep hygiene this year. It's like, my only new Year's evolution. And I currently bought for my analog clock. It's a Braun BC22 classic analog alarm clock. It's like a half dome circle with just, like, a classic clock face. And what's really cool is you can set it where you press the button if you need to check the time at night. And it's like this like golden light so it's not super like disturbing on your eyes. And the alarm is like not too obnoxious. It's your typical alarm clock, but it's super easy to set. It's super basic. I shopped around, I see them for $55 but I think I got mine for 38, but it's again it's a Braun BC22 classic analog alarm clock. MoMA sells them too. But you'll see it. It's like a half dome and it's like a simple circle clock face. And I love it. It's really helped a lot of my sleep hygiene. And one thing I learned and that's been helpful with improving my sleep hygiene is staying not reaching for your phone if you can 30 minutes after waking up or waking up, you just wait 30 minutes to check your phone and you should not look at your phone 30 minutes before bed. So it's been a system that I've been setting stuff with my phone so I wake up either to a relaxing podcast or music. But that have the alarm is really helpful so I am not paranoid about waking up. And also if I want to check the time at night, I'm not reaching for my phone and being tempted. Thanks again. Good luck with your sleep hygiene. Working friend.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Okay, great wreck there.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, we should start a shop. My shelf with the alarm clocks. Should make a little note because we're getting alarm clocks.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah, we are getting some good recommendations. Someone else linked to one that they found on Amazon, the Reacher digital alarm clock and white noise sound machine and they said it has white noise, rain, sounds waves, et cetera. If you need light background noise to sleep like I do. The other thing I like about it is you can dim the clock lights so that you can still have complete darkness when you go to bed. It also has all the normal clock slash alarm clock features. And most important of all, it allows me to keep my phone outside of the bedroom when I go to sleep.

[Elise Hu]

Good.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

And then someone else said I second the hatch. I pay the annual app subscription to access additional lights and sound options. About $60 a year. The sunrise style light instead of a jarring sound is a much more peaceful way to wake up. I also used it as a sound machine when my kids smaller. I'm sorry but like the idea of playing a subscription to your alarm clock, like we are just in like peak subscription.

[Elise Hu]

We are. I mean that's how territory every. That's every company's every Company is model. Yeah, totally. Including ours. So, you know, don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I know. I'm just saying, like, people always subscribe to magazines and to content.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I think it's just these, like, did you see that thing a few years ago where BMW was having people subscribe for heated seats?

[Elise Hu]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Like, it's that kind of stuff where I'm like, these are things can't they use.

[Elise Hu]

Can't it just be a transaction that is finished? Like, I bought it once and now it's my.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Exactly.

[Elise Hu]

Because all these businesses need you to keep coming back.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Right. So I don't know. These kinds of things I sort of, like, laugh about. Okay, our last text here, someone writes, any mineral sunscreen wrecks for body. I had a bad reaction to Badger and blue lizard sunscreens a few weeks ago. I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy, and people have told me to avoid chemical sunscreen. But skin reactions have me debating the risk if I just go back to my Neutrogena slash banana boat. Is any sunscreen better than no sunscreen?

[Elise Hu]

Dermatologists almost uniformly say that any sunscreen is better than no sunscreen. But I get that you are pregnant and so want to find something that's safe. Do you have any rec store for body?

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

There is an Alba Botanica.

[Elise Hu]

We like this sunscreen

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

that is a body. Like, they make a body moisturizer with that comes with sunscreen.

[Elise Hu]

I really like the Alba Botanica spray sunscreen spray for my kids, for their legs and arms and stuff before they get out the door in the morning.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah, I feel like their. Their products are pretty gentle. I have used this Alba Botanica one before, but maybe it's been discontinued because I don't see it anymore. But they're other. There are other products. Like, they do make a body sunscreen that is like specifically a sunscreen. This was a. But this. A moisturizer that had sunscreen added to it. So if you can find that. I thought that was a nice product. But I think their regular sunscreens are good also. But also, to Elise's point, I do think some sunscreen is better than no sunscreen. So good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. Okay, we are in the intention zone. We didn't used to do intentions in the mini apps, but now that we are doing these Mega man, the other week, yeah, we're gonna be doing intentions. So my intention for last week was to figure out the summer.

[Elise Hu]

How did I. How did that go? Are you Not.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

It's not fully done, but it is, like, it is pretty close. Like, we. I booked our tickets to the east coast. I have not booked our tickets home. But, like, at least we have a date that we're going.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

I figured out two more weeks of camp for Henry, and I think I have the third. Like, the third outstanding week. I think I. I know what he's gonna do. So now we have camp all figured out, so that's good. And then this week, I'm gonna really sit down and, like, figure out my book writing schedule.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

Fun.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Yeah. So that's exciting.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. So you're gonna. You're going to apply all of your scheduling expertise that you have, from captaining your recreational tennis teams to now your own work. So that's great because you've been, like, the master of the calendar for so many people.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

That's true. And I also have, like, I've told people that I'm not gonna be captaining for the summer or the fall, so that's good.

[Elise Hu]

You can clear the decks a little bit.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Clear the decks. Exactly. How about you, Elise?

[Elise Hu]

Well, my intention was to be an adult, and I did pay one of my parking tickets. Only to get a second parking ticket. No, right after I paid the first one. Because what happened was I parked at one of these soccer tournaments and I plugged in the car, the electric car. And for whatever reason, I assumed that. I guess my mind thought, oh, I've plugged in the car. I've done the task after I parked, but not the task of paying for that parking. I did not rent the asphalt. So then when I went back, I was like, oh, there goes another $75 or whatever these ridiculous tickets are.

[Listener or Guest Contributor]

So.

[Elise Hu]

But I did book my appointments. I have to get a breast MRI next before we decide what to do about my little papilloma. So I set that up, and it's really specific with these appointments. It has to be. The breast mri. Has to happen. Well, according to this place, like. Like the sixth day in your cycle. Like, six to 12 days in your cycle. So we needed to count backwards from the start of my last period, which happened to be very recently. So, like, I can do it next week, essentially. So it'll work out great. And then, yeah, this week we are coming on. Or we're. By the time this airs, it will be like the day after Mother's Day, but we are coming upon Mother's Day. So this week, I just want to enjoy some time with the children, like, do some. Do some good mombing. I feel Wistful, because my middle one is going to graduate from elementary school.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Oh, my gosh, next month.

[Elise Hu]

And it's like, man. And I read this caption in the New Yorker today that said something like, the thing about your kids is every day you spend with them could be the last time you spend with that version of the kid, because they're constantly changing. And it's true. It's just like, I don't know when the last day Ava was a kid, you know, because she's not one. And so it's just. It is very, on one hand, very fulfilling and gratifying to see them grow up. And then when I was at the fifth grade classroom this morning doing some teacher appreciation stuff, and I was like, they're not gonna be little anymore. So I'm just trying to, like, appreciate the time with the kids while they're kids, I guess will be the intention.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Oh, man. Yep. I know. I'm feeling that, too. As Henry wraps up. First grade.

[Listener or Guest Contributor]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

It goes so fast.

[Producer or Guest Contributor]

Yeah.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

All right, well, everyone, thank you so much. Forever 35 is hosted and produced by me, Dariusha Freer and Elise Hu, and produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sammy Reed is our project manager and our network partners, Acast. Thanks so much for listening.

[Elise Hu]

Talk to you next time.

[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

Bye.

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[Elise Hu]

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[Dorian (Dory) Freer]

All right, ladies.

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