← Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
A Tween Parenting Shift for the AI Era (Introducing The In-Between Years)
00:16:58
If you’re parenting right now, it can feel like the world your kids are growing up in is changing faster than you can understand it. AI. Social media. Phones. New technology showing up everywhere. And many parents are wondering the same thing: How am I supposed to guide my kids through something I barely understand myself?
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- [00:00]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Here's something I hear from parents all the A lot of the things that are good for kids don't always feel good to kids. It's why I love finding things that flip the script, turning a potential power struggle into a moment kids enjoy. Haya does that with vitamins and the part kids really love the experience. The first box comes with a refillable glass bottle they get to decorate with stickers so it feels personal, playful, and totally theirs. Taking their vitamin becomes a small daily ritual they can actually look forward to. The vitamins themselves are chewable, not gummy. With no artificial dyes and zero added sugar, they're packed with essential nutrients to support growing bodies. And for parents, it's easy. Refills show up on your doorstep. No last minute runs to the store required. Hiya Also makes probiotics, fiber, bedtime essentials, and so much more. So you can build a simple, feel good routine for your family that runs smoothly in the background. If you want a healthier option your kids will actually be excited about, you can use my code drbecky for 50% off your first order at hyahealth.com that's h I y a h e a l t h dot com if you've been listening to Good Inside for a while, you know that my focus has always been helping parents build strong, connected relationships with kids. And as kids get older, that relationship gets more complicated. Between and teen years just bring new territory. Phones, social media, shifting friendships, dating, independence, identity, and now things like AI and technology that we're still figuring out ourselves. A lot of you have been with me at Good Inside for a while and I keep hearing the same thing. Dr. Becky Our kids are older now. Can you please grow up with us? And so we are. And this is really one of the main reasons why we created a brand new podcast called the In Between Years, hosted by my colleague Dr. Cheryl Zigler. Dr. Cheryl is a clinical psychologist who has spent decades working directly with tweens, teens and their families. And every week on the In Between Years, she talks with real parents about the questions that start showing up during that stage of life and the moments that just feel confusing, scary or totally new. Just to get ahead of any questions, I will still be weighing in on the tween and teen years. I mean, I have so many ideas I want to share too. And honestly, Dr. Sheryl has been the colleague I've gone to to ask my own questions, to talk about my own struggles with the tween and teen years in my house. And so from time to time. I'll drop into the pod as well. Questions that Dr. Sharl is going to be exploring are gonna be things like, how do you talk to kids not only about technology, but about AI? How do you stay connected when your kid starts to turn more toward their peers? How do you guide your kid through their mistakes without them pushing you away or slamming the door in your face? And today I want to share a short clip from one of Dr. Sheryl's recent conversations. This one is with a parent who's feeling something I think all of us are feeling right now, the sense that technology is moving faster than we can keep up with. And in this moment, Dr. Sheryl reframes the whole problem in such a grounding and powerful way. And she offers a simple way parents can talk with their kids about AI without fear, without shame, without panic, and without needing to be the expert. Please enjoy this clip from an upcoming episode of the In Between Years from Good Inside.
- [03:40]
Parent
I have a son who is seven and I have a daughter who is nine and a half. And we are just on the cusp of navigating all the things technology and social media and AI, and that's kind of why I'm here today, because it's all very scary. And I don't really know. How can I equip my kids for something that is so swiftly changing when I don't even feel like I have a handle on it? I think that that's what I'm afraid of.
- [04:10]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
You're scared of, like, three major things. Number one is the unknown. I don't even know this thing, right? I don't even know. I don't know what kind of consequence can I. It's just the unknown. Number two, even if the unknown becomes somewhat known to me, it's going to change. I know it's going to change. And it seems like it's changing really fast. So I'm always going to be behind, like, I'm never going to know, like, how's it changing? Where's this showing up? And number three, I don't know how to prepare myself for this. If I can't prepare myself for this, how am I supposed to prepare my kid for this?
- [04:42]
Parent
Yes, absolutely correct.
- [04:44]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
So the first thing I want to say, you know, the image of, like sometimes people call it, like I do a volcano or there's like the iceberg and the tip is what you can see, and then most of it underneath is what you can't see. The tip of the iceberg is like, AI, the. The unknown. Is it going to take over. Is it going to replace humans? It's going to replace jobs. Like, ah, all the fears. Right. That's like the tip. But all the stuff underneath. What I hear you saying is not really about technology. Right. It's really about how do I raise my kid so that they can think for themselves, so that they can protect themselves, so that they know the difference between it's not just right and wrong anymore, it's like between real and fake.
- [05:28]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yes, yes.
- [05:30]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
How do I raise my kids so that when they do watch something next year at a sleepover on someone else's iPad, they still feel comfortable to come home to me and say, I saw this thing. I don't know, Mommy. It was confusing.
- [05:44]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yes.
- [05:45]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
Right?
- [05:45]
Parent
Yes.
- [05:46]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
So I want you to start reframing that, like, as opposed to, oh, my gosh, AI terrifies me. Maybe it's more like my kid growing up, growing older, and be exposed to things that I don't know that much about is really scary to me. So when we do that, what that does is help you get grounded in knowing, oh, I don't need to be like a tech expert. Oh, maybe it doesn't matter. What is the difference between chat, GBT and Claude? Like, I don't even know. Right. All of a sudden that's less important. And there are a couple of things that are the difference between the kid who discovers AI and starts doing things on there that would make you uncomfortable, and between the kid who goes on it and then goes. Literally yells from the couch, like, mom, come here, let me show you this thing. Mom, come here. Look at what this thing can do. Right? So here's how I want you thinking about the setup, because you are so clear. I want to be prepared. I want to just be equipped to deal with what might come. So the first thing I want you to do is I want you to be curious about the things your kid's curious about. What are they curious about? Like right now? Right? I might be curious about animals. Oh. I might be curious about, you know, the rainforest. Eventually. It's like, I'm curious about this thing called AI. I heard it can do, like, really cool things. And I want you to be right alongside with her, being curious with her. The biggest mistake I see that parents make, it's usually of teens, is that they feel there's that humility that they don't have. Like, they feel like they should know everything because, like, up until this minute, I kind of did know most things right until she's 10, maybe even 11. 11. It might start Changing. You're the smartest human being she knows, you and her teacher, right? You're the. You're everything to her. You're the smartest. You're the most beautiful. You know everything. And any single solitary thing that's wrong in her life, somehow you magically know how to fix it.
- [07:50]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Right?
- [07:50]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
That's the power of you today. I know. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. And this is really cool, too, though. You're gonna go from that, and then all of a sudden, she's gonna be like, I heard this thing and my friends are talking about it, and maybe they seem a little sneaky about it. So, like, am I not supposed to be going home and talking to my mom about it? Right? And then that's where they're. One foot in childhood and one foot in that beginning adolescence. Like, so should I keep that? So by you saying I want to be ahead of it, it just sounds something like this. You know what? This might be the year where at school or maybe even with your friends, they might start using something called ChatGPT or Claude, right? Or something like that. And it's funny because she might say to you, oh, yeah, I've heard of that. Oh, really? Tell me what you know about it. Yeah, I would love to know what you're learning about it, because it's changing so fast that I used to know kind of things on it, but, like, I don't know if I do anymore. Or you can say if this is true. Something like, I would love to hear what you're excited about with this. I know for me, I've used it a little bit. Like, I ask it for recipes. You probably don't even know that, but that's how I make recipes. Or when I was, like, redesigning your room, I took pictures, and it helped me come up with the coolest design ideas. So now you're normalizing something, right? You're saying, I've used it to a little. Whatever. The truth is a little bit a lot, not at all.
- [09:12]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Whatever.
- [09:13]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
And this is how it's been helpful for me. That's how you set the tone of, like, hey, with some moderation, with some guardrails around this thing. This can be really cool. Now, where could it get bad, right? Because if it was just so great, we wouldn't be talking about. You wouldn't be scared.
- [09:33]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yeah.
- [09:33]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
And then she could be like, you know what? And then you just give a kind of a mild example. I don't know. I've heard, like, because it's so Amazing. You can take like pictures of things and then you can change them.
- [09:43]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yeah.
- [09:43]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
And I know sometimes imagine if people did that, like it could hurt someone's feelings or something. And you just keep it like that. That's 11 year old appropriate.
- [09:51]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yes.
- [09:52]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
It just can change pictures. Right. When she's 13, you're going to go deeper. When she's 15, she's going to tell you a story and you're going to be like, whoa. Yeah, right. But at 11, when she's young, you're just sort of like curious and you're acting very open and you're sprinkling in little things.
- [10:15]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
One thing I see over and over with parents is just how much we're carrying. The data backs this up. Most parents spend nearly every waking hour focused on someone else. So if you feel exhausted, stretched thin, or like your brain never really shuts off, that makes complete sense. I've seen how powerful it can be when families have more support. When parents have trusted caregivers, the mental load lightens and they're actually able to be more present, not because they're doing more, but because they're not doing it all alone. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted background checked caregivers, whether that's support for a newborn before or after school, help or even care for an aging parent. You can search by experience, read reviews, and find support in a way that feels safer and more intentional than social media or word of mouth alone. And do you know that you can find activities, camps and daycare on care.com too? For a limited time, you can use the code Good35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium membership. Because when you have support, you can show up as your best self for the people who need you.
- [11:27]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
Here's the biggest thing today I will say that I know, I really know is going to keep evolving. I would say something to her like it is actually created to sound like you're talking to someone. Like maybe even like you're talking to me, or like you're talking to your dad or like you're talking to, you know, grandma. And then she's, you know, she's, she's living in this world, she's growing up in it. So she will understand that. And then you can say, so one of the things that I've heard is not that great is that sometimes people go to it, like instead of going to an adult or a teacher.
- [11:58]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yes, right.
- [11:59]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
So now I'm trying to role model for you how you're getting to the hard stuff. But it's not fear based, it's you're calm, she's calm. You're giving her, especially as a beginning conversation, just the right amount of again, curiosity. And so she might. What do you mean? And so I actually just shared with everybody a funny example this morning. Right? A little example you could use. I have a teenage daughter and she, her legs hurt yesterday and so I talked to her last night and I said, oh, so what did you wind up doing about your legs? I know that they were so sore. Do they feel better now? And she said, oh, oh yeah, I chatgpt what to do about sore legs. And it told me to wear compression socks. And in that moment I thought, see that? That chat replaced me. And that's a pretty benign. Like that was good advice. I don't have a problem with that. But if I have an 11 year old and maybe they got their period for the first time, right? Or somebody said something really mean to them at school or they have acne and they heard all these different things they could possibly do about it, do I want them going to artificial intelligence or do I want them coming to me?
- [13:07]
Parent
How can I encourage her to come to me first without going to AI? Like, is there anything that I can like set the tone for now before she's using it to like encourage her to always come to me first? Because I would hate that obviously if, like for her to go to that first, you know.
- [13:27]
Dr. Cheryl Ziggler
Again, she's nine and a half, so she is not yet as impulsive as like a kid in puberty or a teenager is. Okay, right? She's not yet as impulsive. So what you want to do is predict that out because that's your mindset anyways, I want to prepare. So what you want to say is like, oh, so one of the things that I know people do, because they really do, I know people do, is sometimes they go to it for things like advice or, or they tell it their deep feelings or they talk to it like a friend or even like a therapist. Right? Cause we know the stats right now. It's like nearly 40% of teenagers say they do that and even more adults do that. So this is very real. And then you say to her, not like, and that would be really bad. I didn't never want you to do that. I want you to come to me, right? What you want to say instead is, and you know what, like, I kind of understand in some ways why people would do that because it's always there, it's always available, it's never distracted. It gives you usually some pretty good advice, but we don't always know what it's going to say. And sometimes for some kids, they'll say they feel like it's less embarrassing because they can tell it anything and it's like it's a bot, right? It's not a person. So if you say someone was mean to you today, you don't have to worry that it's going to get all upset and call a teacher so you can say to her. And so while I do understand why people do that, here's what I want to do in our house. Like if I ever have a question about you, like, you know, you've never been 11 before. And so if I have a question about, like, am I doing the best thing for an 11 year old daughter, how about I make you a deal. I am not going to go to an AI chatbot. First I'm going to talk to, and then you could say your best friend, your sister, you know what I mean? You're going to model for her. What you want for her to stay in human relationships. Relationship. So you can say, okay, so let's make a deal. All right, I promise like the first time that you go to the mall by yourself and she's gonna laugh, right? This is sound foreign to her, but I promise I'm not gonna go on my phone and ask like what I should do and how the rules are. Promise. Okay, I'm gonna talk to you aunt so and so, who has an older daughter, I'm gonna talk about with her. So you're not lecturing her, you're not saying. So then when you have a problem, you need to come to me, right? And then you can say to her, okay, so now let's think about it for you. Like maybe you say, you know, next month you're gonna be getting a phone or whatever. So when you have a problem at school, like let's say somebody was like mean to you or you had a question about something and you felt personal and maybe you were starting to feel like you weren't sure if you should ask me, like what are you gonna do? What do you think you can do? What do you think you can talk to? And hopefully she'll say, I would, maybe I would talk to aunt so and so, maybe grandma, maybe you blah, blah, blah, and say, okay, let's make a deal. Let's just, let's start with like a person who actually knows us and we actually know, we'll start there. And then maybe if together we want to see what it says we can do that together.
- [16:26]
Dr. Becky Kennedy
So that was my close colleague and friend, Dr. Cheryl Ziggler, host of Good Insight's new podcast, the In Between Years. One of the things I love about this conversation is the shift she makes. Learning to live with technology or AI isn't about being an expert in technology or AI. It's about staying connected to your kid. It's about curiosity. And actually you can only be curious if you don't fully understand something. So if you don't fully understand it, you're doing an a job. It's all about creating a relationship where your kid can still come to you when something confusing shows up in their world. And even if they know you don't have all the information, that's kind of what the tween and teen years are all about. Your kids don't need you less, they need you differently. If you're parenting a tween or teen or if you know those years are coming, I just know you're going to get a lot out of this show. Every Wednesday, Dr. Sherrill talks with real parents about the challenges that show up during these years and helps you understand what's actually going on underneath your kids behavior so you can respond in a way that keeps your relationship strong. Because as our kids get older, our relationship is kind of the only strategy we have. And even when teens say they don't need you, they still need you. And as for me, I'll be popping into that show once in a while because of course I still have things to say about those years as well. You can find the In Between Years wherever you listen to podcasts. Just search for the in between years from good inside hit follow and start with the latest episode. And then you can always email us podcastoodinside.com to tell us about it. We love to hear what you liked, but trust us, we like to hear what you didn't like or what you want more of, or what we got wrong or what needs more nuance or what needs to be different to apply to your specific situation. Your voice really does shape what we do here. Your voice helped shape opening up this whole new podcast so we could grow up with you. And so we want your voice to shape exactly what it will look like. So please email us podcastoodinside.com and let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground and place your hand on your heart. And let's remind ourselves because we really need this reminder in the tween and teen years, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain. Good inside. I can't wait to hear from you. Okay, parents, quick check in. If your brain feels like it's holding everyone's schedule except your own, you're not doing it wrong. You're carrying a lot. I see this all the time. School, emails, activities, chores, dinner plans. And somehow it all lives in one person's head. Usually Mom's. And that gets exhausting. That's why I love Skylight Calendar. It's a smart touchscreen calendar that takes everything swirling around in your brain. Schedules, chores, meals, grocery lists, and puts it in one place where the whole family can actually see it and participate. It syncs with Google, Apple, Outlook, all of it. And you can color code each family member so there's a lot less. Wait, I didn't know in your house. Plus, with the free Skylight Companion app, you can add or update events, lists, and more on the go. And I appreciate this. If after 120 days you're not 100% happy, you can return it for a full refund, no questions asked. Right now, you can get $30 off a 15 inch Skylight calendar at MySkylight. That's com Becky. That's m y s K Y L I G H T com Becky.