Is It True? “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing” - Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Summary

Podcast Summary: Good Inside with Dr. Becky | “Is It True? Nobody Knows What They’re Doing”

Episode Date: May 5, 2026
Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Guest: Myleik
Theme: Challenging the idea that "nobody knows what they're doing" in parenting, and exploring how curiosity can bridge the gap between self-doubt and expertise.

Overview

This episode tackles a ubiquitous, self-soothing sentiment among parents: “Nobody knows what they’re doing.” Dr. Becky Kennedy and guest Myleik explore how this phrase both supports and limits parents, discuss the realities behind feeling clueless, and offer a practical framework for navigating tough moments with curiosity, compassion, and self-awareness. Through candid stories, reflection, and humor, they demonstrate that while no one has all the answers, there are skills and mindsets that help parents show up for their children—and themselves—in more grounded, confident ways.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comfort and Limitations of “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing”

[01:10]
- Parents often use this phrase as a comfort after difficult parenting moments, but it can also lead to skepticism: “But maybe some people do [know what they’re doing].”
- Dr. Becky challenges the extremes: the notion that no one knows what they’re doing versus the illusion that someone always does.
- Quote:
  - “Is there anything in between that would be useful as a framework?” — Dr. Becky [01:35]

2. Real-Life Parenting Moments—Self-Doubt and Public Pressure

[02:49] Myleik shares a vulnerable story of her child melting down in a pizza place—a relatable scenario:
- Feeling judged by others and pressured to prove she’s managing the situation.
- The internal monologue: self-blame, fear of “bad parenting,” and projecting into the future.
- Quotes:
  - “It was just—no matter what I seemed to do, it wasn’t ending.” — Myleik [03:36]
  - “I have to show everyone that I’m not okay with this.” — Myleik [03:51]

3. Shift from Blame to Curiosity

[05:47]
- Dr. Becky emphasizes the power of leaving both extremes (self-blame, blame of child) and instead being curious about what’s happening beneath the surface.
- Myleik admits this took practice; initially, she cycled through self-criticism or viewing her child as “bad.”
- Quote:
  - “It's always someone's fault. Yeah.” — Dr. Becky & Myleik [06:39–06:40]

4. Redefining Expertise in Parenting

[06:42]
- Dr. Becky rejects being called a “parenting expert,” emphasizing that continuous learning, not mastery, is essential:
  - “I really do feel like I’m someone who loves to learn… Experts are kind of at the end of their learning journey.” — Dr. Becky [07:03]
Balance between “nobody knows” and “someone always knows”—every parent has moments where they feel competent and clueless.

5. Noticing Competence in Others

[07:44]
- Myleik recounts a moment observing another parent handle a stressful situation with calm authority—not shaming her child or performing for outsiders.
- Quote:
  - “She’s got it. I just... I felt like she’s got this handled. And I was like, she knows what she’s doing.” — Myleik [09:29]
  - “I’m not proving my good parenting to you by being overzealous about something that I actually don’t even think would be helpful in the moment.” — Dr. Becky [09:41]

6. The Heart of It: Curiosity and Decoding Behavior

[12:04]
- The most useful skill isn’t “knowing,” but getting curious about motivations behind kids’ (and adults’) behavior.
- Analogy to coaching: the outward problem (e.g., hitting tennis balls into the net) is just a clue to deeper issues, not the whole story.
- Quotes:
  - “Decoding behavior… you have to wonder, you have to use the most generous interpretation.” — Dr. Becky [12:19]
  - “We have to understand those are problems, but they're actually just a symptom of the problem that I have to figure out.” — Dr. Becky [15:34]

7. Applying Curiosity to Ourselves

[19:26]–[20:18]
- Parenting fosters self-compassion: instead of self-labeling (“I’m a monster for yelling”), apply curiosity to your own triggers and patterns.
- Myleik gives examples of knowing her own stress points and recognizing when she’s more likely to yell.

8. The Antidote to Self-Judgment and Complacency: Curiosity

[21:56]
- Both “nobody knows what they’re doing” and “some people have it all figured out” shut down curiosity.
- The “in between” is a space to be curious, reflective, and open to change.
- Quote:
  - “What’s in between is actually just, can I be curious?” — Dr. Becky [22:06]

9. Practical Examples: Transforming Hard Moments

[22:00–25:47]
- Dr. Becky shares a travel tip: engaging kids’ curiosity upon hotel arrival to ease the transition and minimize tension.
- Myleik tries a similar strategy—packing suits in backpacks so kids can begin changing and she can breathe.
- Both describe how foresight and understanding their own and their kids’ patterns help them “know what they’re doing”—at least some of the time.

10. Growing “Sturdiness” and Modeling for Children

[26:11–32:47]
- Myleik describes calmly handling her son’s public outburst, recognizing he was reacting to a “violation of expectations.”
- Over time, her son begins vocalizing these moments: “I wasn’t expecting that,” rather than melting down.
- Quotes:
  - “He asked me… and I glossed over the answer because I didn’t think it mattered, but it mattered a lot to him.” — Myleik [27:56]
  - “We never get it perfect. But that is one of my favorite lines: ‘You weren’t expecting a line, you weren’t expecting pepperoni…’” — Dr. Becky [31:33]

11. Update to the “Nobody Knows” Mantra

[33:44]
- The revised mantra:
  - “Nobody knows what they’re doing all of the time. Can we tack that on the back of ‘nobody knows what they’re doing?’ Let’s hold ourselves accountable.” — Myleik [33:44]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 01:35 | Dr. Becky | “Is there anything in between that would be useful as a framework?” | | 03:51 | Myleik | “I have to show everyone that I'm not okay with this.” | | 06:39 | Both | “It's always someone's fault. Yeah.” | | 07:03 | Dr. Becky | “Experts are kind of at the end of their learning journey. And that feels very sad to me.” | | 09:29 | Myleik | “She knows what she's doing.” | | 09:41 | Dr. Becky | “I’m not proving my good parenting to you by being overzealous about something that I actually don’t even think would be helpful in the moment.”| | 12:19 | Dr. Becky | “Decoding behavior… you have to wonder, you have to use the most generous interpretation.” | | 15:34 | Dr. Becky | “We have to understand those are problems, but they're actually just a symptom of the problem that I have to figure out.” | | 22:06 | Dr. Becky | “What’s in between is actually just, can I be curious?” | | 27:56 | Myleik | “He asked me… and I glossed over the answer because I didn’t think it mattered, but it mattered a lot to him.” | | 31:33 | Dr. Becky | “We never get it perfect. But that is one of my favorite lines: ‘You weren’t expecting a line, you weren’t expecting pepperoni…’” | | 33:44 | Myleik | “Nobody knows what they’re doing all of the time. Can we tack that on the back of ‘nobody knows what they’re doing?’” |

Practical Takeaways

Don’t settle for extremes: Real skill in parenting lies between total confusion and rigid certainty.
Practice curiosity: Replace blame with gentle questions—about your child’s needs, and your own responses.
Decode behavior: Surface-level problems are often only clues to what’s really going on.
Model sturdiness: Show up calm and sturdy in tough public moments; you’re not parenting for the audience.
Recognize progress: Even small shifts (like a child learning to say “I wasn’t expecting that”) show your influence.
Affirm new mantras: “Nobody knows what they’re doing all of the time.”

Flow & Tone

The episode is candid, affirming, and rich with concrete examples and humor. It reassures parents that struggle is universal, but also challenges the resignation of “nobody knows” by offering practical, compassionate steps to become more grounded and effective. Both Dr. Becky and Myleik use gentle self-deprecation, warmth, and practical wisdom to invite listeners into this “in-between” space where learning—and good enough parenting—happens.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Does this sound familiar? Your baby wants to be held, needs to be held, and you need to do 10 different things at once. You're holding your baby while also trying to make coffee, get breakfast ready for your older kid, answer emails and all those small and big tasks to make up your day. And what I see with so many parents is that when you can stay close to your baby and have your hands free, everything feels a little more manageable. That's why I recommend Ergo Baby carriers. Baby wearing has so many benefits. Babies tend to feel more settled when they're close to you. And that closeness can make a difference for parents too. But here's the key. You only get those benefits if your carrier actually works for your body. Otherwise your back hurts and you're taking off your carrier after five minutes. It's why I'm a big fan of Ergobaby. Ergobaby carriers are designed to be truly ergonomic and newborn ready so you can use them comfortably from the very beginning. They have patented design that supports the parent by distributing the weight evenly for a lighter, more comfortable carry. And they have options for every stage, which is why so many parents keep using them as their baby grows and grows. If you think that kind of support will make your day to day that much easier, use code DrBecky20D R B E C K Y20 for 20% off site wide@ergobaby.com There's a sentence parents say to each other like. Like it's a warm blanket. Nobody really knows what they're doing. And it's usually delivered with that kind of shrug, or it's delivered over coffee or just kind of whispered in a group text after a rotten day. And without a doubt, it is meant to make parents feel better. And sometimes it definitely does. And sometimes it makes you look around and think, but maybe some people do. And that mom at pickup, when that parent is dealing with that tantrum, like, I like the way that parent handled it. And this other parent who's telling me how they dealt with their kid lying, I don't know if I would have done that, but I kind of like that too. And then there's a bigger zoom out. If nobody knows what they're doing with the job, that probably impacts our own life and the world in the biggest way. I don't know, does that maybe mean something else if we're all just winging it? And can we think about that question without going to the extreme and the opposite? The opposite extreme is, oh, someone has it all together and is Always perfect. Is there anything in between that would be useful as a framework? Well, Myleik is here again to help me unpack this because I think it's really important and I wanted to talk to her about it. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is good inside. I'm glad you're here.

B (2:49)

My oldest. Just. We are at the cutest little pizza place by our house, and I'm by myself. I have the stroller. I have my tablet. I've got it. I've got everything I need. Screaming on the floor Threw the tablet on the ground through it Threw it through it. Hanging out of the stroller. I'm trying to order a pizza. Everybody's staring at me. And I'm just like, wtf? Yeah, wtf? How did I get here? How did I get here? I mean, he's through this expensive thing that he supposedly likes.