Ever catch yourself thinking, “I should be better than this. I should be doing more. I should have started earlier” and then spiraling? In this solo episode, I’m diving into the world of "should" and how it quietly drives guilt, shame, and burnout, especially for high performers and ambitious, growth-oriented people.

Recently, I injured my rib at my son’s ninja gym birthday party and being forced to pull back on training actually gave me surprising mental relief. So today, I explore why having more ways to train, work, parent, or “optimize” yourself can actually make you feel worse about whatever you choose.

Drawing from my background in applied positive psychology and the science of cognitive behavioral therapy, I break down:

- The three main categories of “shoulds”
- How thinking traps like catastrophizing, personalizing, and overgeneralizing feed the “should” spiral
- The difference between neurotic obligations and values-based aspirations
- Practical ways to notice your “shoulds,” question the beliefs underneath them
- How to decide when to either turn them into concrete, values-aligned plans, or consciously let them go.

If you’ve ever felt haunted by the feeling that you’re not doing enough or not far enough along, this episode will help you build awareness, create kinder inner language, and reclaim your energy from unhelpful “shoulds” so you can focus on what truly matters to you.

LINKS
Episode with Ethan Kross on Chatter
James Clear's Atomic Habits
Episode with Katy Milkman on How to Change
Is self care stressing you out? Solo reflection

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Decision Fatigue, Perfectionism, and the Problem With “Should”