Mastering the Mundane: ADHD-Proofing the Everyday w/Amy Marie Hann

Summary

Hacking Your ADHD

Episode: Mastering the Mundane: ADHD-Proofing the Everyday w/Amy Marie Hahn

Host: William Curb
Guest: Amy Marie Hahn (The Activated ADHD Mama)
Date: October 27, 2025

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Overview

This episode zeroes in on the daily, boring, repetitive tasks that people with ADHD often find overwhelming—chores like dishes, laundry, meal planning, and calling in prescription refills. William Curb and ADHD coach/author Amy Marie Hahn discuss why “mastering the mundane” is so difficult for those with ADHD, challenge common productivity myths, and share actionable frameworks for building sustainable routines that fit ADHD brains. They also dive into the role of shame, the importance of self-compassion, and why focusing on “just enough” is more helpful than aiming for perfection.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Why mundane tasks are uniquely hard for ADHD brains
• The impact of shame and gender roles, especially for women
• Building realistic, sustainable systems for consistent daily routines
• Focusing on capacity, not perfectionism or fantasy productivity
• The crucial distinction between real rest and numbing
• Reframing self-care as a functional necessity

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Mundane Tasks Are Extra Hard for ADHD

• Interest-Driven Brains: Mundane, repetitive tasks are less stimulating, making them feel insurmountable for ADHDers compared to novel or interesting challenges.
  • “For many of us, the kind of realm of domesticity is not fun. We really struggle, especially with the mundane things, the repetitive tasks, the boring tasks of life.” — Amy Marie Hahn (03:07)
• Executive Function Burden: Poor prioritization and unrealistic expectations lead to unmanageable to-do lists and avoidance, increasing stress and chaos.
  • “If you struggle with knowing how many realistic things you could do, you end up with this unrealistic list because of executive functioning challenges, so your brain goes rogue and does the most interesting thing—which is almost always the least essential.” — Amy Marie Hahn (05:19)

2. The Cycle of Shame and Social Comparison

• Extra Shame for Moms: Gender norms and expectations intensify guilt for women/moms who struggle with housework.
  • “For women... there’s an extra level of shame, because there’s so much traditional gender roles expectation that it’s just supposed to be easier.” — Amy Marie Hahn (03:40)
• The Hidden Struggles: Most ADHD struggles happen “below the surface,” making people feel isolated and embarrassed when their homes aren’t “guest-ready.”
  • “People on the outside don’t see the struggles that really impact people.” — Amy Marie Hahn (08:37)
• Community Is Key: Sharing struggles with others with ADHD lessens shame and unlocks practical solutions.
  • “Having a place where you could share these things—just realizing you’re not the only one—is so helpful too.” — Amy Marie Hahn (09:09)

3. Why Traditional Productivity Advice Fails

• The ‘Three-Pronged’ Approach: Relying on medication or therapy alone isn’t enough; real change requires tailored behavioral strategies for everyday life.
  • “I had medicine and therapy, but the lifestyle—HOW you’re designing your life—is the biggest part. I didn't know I was allowed to do that.” — Amy Marie Hahn (13:05)
  • “I didn’t realize I needed to design my life another way.” — Amy Marie Hahn (12:30)
• Misapplied Tools: Many develop coping mechanisms like perfectionism or anxiety-driven punctuality, which are unsustainable and stressful.
  • “I was relying on perfection anxiety; I was overthinking and overanalyzing everything, and underperforming in ways I didn’t realize.” — Amy Marie Hahn (16:35)

4. Amy Marie Hahn’s ADHD Routines Framework

The “Three Daily Tasks” System

• Start Small: Begin with three essential daily tasks—the minimum that keep chaos at bay (e.g., one load of laundry, clean the kitchen once, have a meal plan for the day).
  • “My daily tasks are: one load of laundry, once a day clean sink/dishes, and have a plan for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” — Amy Marie Hahn (21:00)
• Gradual Growth: Build up to six or seven regular tasks a day by adding self-care, then weekly and monthly tasks as capacity allows.
  • “People want a quick fix... but intentionally limiting executive functioning and having a clear ongoing plan is key. You start with a daily three.” — Amy Marie Hahn (18:07)

Weekly & Monthly Organization

• Weekly: “14 weekly tasks” spread throughout the week (e.g., towels on Tuesday, bathroom cleanings).
• Monthly: “21 monthly tasks,” with realism about energy fluctuations (especially for women).
  • “If you have 21 monthly things, you have a buffer—it’s not every single day, because you’ll have low-energy days, especially around your cycle.” — Amy Marie Hahn (23:29)

Focus on Core Priorities

• Right-Sizing: Tasks should be “big enough to feel like you did something, but not overwhelming.”
  • “Cleaning the bathroom might mean scrubbing tile one day, or just five minutes wiping counters on another.” — Amy Marie Hahn (25:04)
• Including Self-Care Essentials: Sleep, eating, movement—the functional basics come first.
  • “In my checklists, I start with basic self-care: sleep, eating, moving. We’re not getting fancy, just the essentials.” — Amy Marie Hahn (26:14)
• Stimulation as a Tool: Include fun and interesting activities before everything is done, because the ADHD brain needs stimulation to get “boring” things done.
  • “We need the stimulation and the fun to actually be able to do the boring things. That mindset shift is so important.” — Amy Marie Hahn (26:36)

5. Building Self-Compassion and Real Rest

• Celebrating Small Wins: Recognize the emotional difficulty of “simple” tasks and reward yourself for tackling them.
  • “With ADHD, it’s not about how long something takes, but how much resistance there is. Start celebrating doing it, even if it feels silly.” — Amy Marie Hahn (28:56)
• Intentional Rest vs. Numbing: Identify the difference between proactive rest (reading, gentle activity) and scrolling/social media “numbing.” Real rest is planned and restorative.
  • “We often do numbing, not resting. When you actually do the boring thing first, you can rest and enjoy it, instead of stressing that you ‘should’ be doing something else.” — Amy Marie Hahn (31:02)
  • “Rest is not about eliminating all stimulation, but about lowering it to a sustainable level so you’re not seeking dopamine elsewhere.” — William Curb (37:27)

6. Avoiding Burnout and Acknowledging Capacity

• Don’t Aim for ‘Zero Inbox’: Trying to do 20 things a day leads to burnout and cycles of exhaustion.
  • “It would be so much better if you give yourself permission to do six or seven things a day, every day—instead of burning out on day one and being wiped out the next three.” — Amy Marie Hahn (33:19)
• Comparing Fairly: Everyone’s external presentation is deceptive; judge your progress against your own needs, not others’ appearances.
  • “I don’t have to do life like them. If I can get my work done in four hours, why should I do it their way?” — Amy Marie Hahn (35:35)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Redefining Success:
  “It’s not about being Martha Stewart. Just the basics: laundry, dishes, meals. If that feels chaotic, it adds so much more stress.” — Amy Marie Hahn (07:33)
• On Medication & Skills:
  “Pills don’t teach skills. When I first got on medication, I got really good at commenting on Reddit… but that’s not what I needed!” — William Curb (14:08)
• On Emotional Costs:
  “So much of ADHD is not about how long the task takes, but about resistance.” — Amy Marie Hahn (28:56)
• On Rest and Productivity:
  “Not all rest is created equal. If you scroll your phone out of avoidance, you just end up more tired with nothing done.” — Amy Marie Hahn (31:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:07] Explaining why boring, repetitive tasks are particularly challenging for ADHD brains
• [03:40] The added shame faced by women/moms with ADHD
• [05:19] The executive functioning trap: always choosing novel tasks over necessary ones
• [08:56] The value of ADHD community and sharing hidden struggles for support
• [13:05] Why medication/therapy alone aren't enough—lifestyle design is essential
• [16:35] Using “perfection anxiety” as an unsustainable coping mechanism
• [18:07] Amy’s “Three Daily Tasks” system and intentional limitation
• [21:00] Concrete examples of daily, weekly, and monthly task structuring
• [23:29] Building flexibility for low-energy days and cycles in monthly planning
• [26:36] The paradoxical importance of fun/stimulation in doing boring tasks
• [28:56] Task resistance and celebrating small, “invisible” victories
• [31:02] Numbing vs. real rest—why intentional rest matters
• [33:19] Why scaling back task lists avoids burnout
• [35:35] Individualizing work and home capacity, and resisting comparison

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Actionable Takeaways

• Design routines for your actual capacity, not your fantasy self
• Start with three core daily tasks; add more only as energy allows
• Clarify your weekly and monthly core priorities—don’t overload yourself
• Build real rest and stimulation into your routines
• Celebrate completion of “high-resistance” tasks, even if they seem simple
• Let go of social comparison and perfectionistic standards

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Closing Thoughts

Amy and William underscore that ADHD-proofing your life is about working with your brain, not against it. Compassion, realistic planning, and honoring your own rhythms are the keys to long-term success… and to genuinely reclaiming time and energy for what matters most.

“You’re not a robot. You get to design how you do life—and that’s not only okay, but necessary for people with ADHD.” — Amy Marie Hahn (27:33)

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Connect with Amy Marie Hahn (Activated ADHD Mama) and find more resources via Instagram or her book, Master the Mundane. Show notes and transcripts for this episode are available at hackingyouradhd.com/253.

Transcript

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[Amy Marie Hahn]

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[Amy Marie Hahn]

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[William Curb]

Welcome to Hacking youg ADHD. I'm your host William Curb, and I have ADHD. On this podcast, I dig into the tools, tactics and best practices to help you work with your ADHD brain. Hey team. This week I'm joined by Amy Marie Hahn, better known online as the Activated ADHD Mama. Amy's an ADHD coach, community leader and author who specializes in helping ADHD moms wrangle the boring, repetitive tasks that tend to bury us things like dishes, meal planning, and remembering to call in prescription refills. In our conversation, we talk about why traditional productivity advice often doesn't work for ADHD and why these mundane tasks can create so much stress and shame. We dig into some of Amy's strategies that help people build realistic systems to make these things easier, and how starting with just three daily tasks can create stability when your brain constantly craves novelty. We talk about capacity, executive function, burnout, and how to reframe self care and rest as functional tools Instead of guilt trips. If you like to follow along on the show notes page, you can find [e-mail] 253. All right. Keep on listening to find out how to make peace with the boring tasks.

[Podcast Host]

All right. Well, it's so great to have you here with us today and tell me a little bit about yourself and what you do.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Sure.

Okay.

I'm Amy Marie Han. I help moms with ADHD manage their.

Home and family life.

So it's really the boring things, you know, that's the things that we struggle.

With or interest driven brains that for many of us it's the kind of realm of domesticity is not fun. And we really struggle especially with the mundane things, the repetitive tasks, the boring.

Tasks of life that. And really a lot of the things.

That I teach also apply to men as well.

But kind of my heart and focus is the content I create is focused on moms.

But a lot of it is really applicable that we can talk about. Kind of the strategies are applicable to men as well.

Especially because I think for women, I focus on women.

I think there's an extra level of shame as well. Because there's so much of just the traditional gender roles where there's this expectation that things are gonna be easier and there's an extra level of shame, it's harder.

So I started kind of figuring this.

Out for myself and then that kind of led into me creating a coaching community where I help moms with these things and let's do a book. And that is really my focus is the boring things for moms with adhd.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Cause your book is titled Master the Mundane and that's definitely something that is hard for us. It feels just so like I was doing the dishes this morning and being like, I don't really want to do this, but it does need to get done because. And I'm like, we kind of put it off a few days, so maybe I'm gonna have to do another load after this afternoon to make sure that we're like caught up and I can make dinner and not have to be like scrounging for plates and stuff.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Exactly. It's the repetitive tasks. And what happens is, you know, there's so much shame. People think like, well, I just should just be able to do this instead.

Of recognizing, like, it's okay that it's hard. Like being once you're kind of can be honest that like, this is really hard for me.

You're able to give yourself a lot.

More compassion and then get creative of.

Like, how do I, you know, make myself do these things? So it's not impossible. But for most of us, if you don't have that perspective of grace and.

Giving yourself, like, understanding that, like, there's.

A reason, it's not because most people go to that place of, like, I'm a bad mom or I'm just a mess, or I'm, you know, there's all.

These things that we do internally.

But when you can kind of break that and understand, like, there's a reason that the mundane tasks are. If you have an interest in your brain, your brain's always going to want to go to the novel tasks.

And so a lot of times what, you know, our brains do is we're always. And especially because executive functioning. So it's really at the heart of it, it's.

This is all executive functioning that, like.

Executive functioning, you know, prioritization, time management. But, like, prioritization. If we struggle with knowing how many.

Realistic or how many things we should be able to do, and then we had this unrealistic list because of our executive functioning challenges, and then we struggle with prioritization, which. Picking what's urgent.

And so what happens is then your brain is going to go rogue and.

Do the thing that's the most fun and the most interesting, which is almost always the least essential or, like, necessary task, because the necessary, like, mundane tasks are the ones we don't want to do. So I try to help folks get good at the mundane tasks, and so they're less like, getting. Going rogue and doing all, like, the random, like, gotta paint the bedroom. Because that seems interesting and novel, when in fact, it's not really gonna help you, like, feed your family dinner tonight.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Cause this morning I was, like, looking, I'm like, oh, I need to go to the grocery store again. I just went, how is this? And it's amazing how that in my head, I'm like, how is this happening again and again and again? And even though, you know, it's been years that I've been doing this, it's still my brain wants to be like, no, you do a task and it's done.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Exactly.

Yeah.

And we want that and we have.

To kind of get creative.

How do we create that for ourselves.

So that we do have that kind.

Of sense of completion and we're each a little bit different of, like, what that feels like, but that.

And there's so many things like that.

When I talk to HD families, and there's. When we get it out loud of, like, hey, what does life really look like.

And it's like, there's so many things.

That are so common where it's like.

I'm going to the grocery store three or four times a week because I never get all the things I need to get.

And so then they feel embarrassed admitting that out loud because it's like, I know. I know I'm wasting time. I know I'm wasting money. I know I'm wasting mental energy. But it's like, all the other strategies you've learned don't really work. So, like, kind of stepping back, but.

It'S really hard if you're kind of.

All of life feels like that kind of the chaotic. The. The basic things of everyday life, like the laundry and the dishes and the getting meals for everyone and, like, just having clean clothes to wear, like, that kind of stuff. We're not talking about the, like, Martha Stewart level. Like, are the baseboards cle and is, you know, like, just the basic stuff.

If all that stuff feels very chaotic.

It just adds so much more stress to your daily life, and it makes it even harder to, like, have clarity and to make wise decisions and regulate your emotions and support your kids and all of that.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, you want to be. Have this done so that you can do all the stuff you want to do. Because it's when the house is a mess and there's just everything going on, like, that is also, like, a trigger for making our ADHD worse. I am completely overlooking this mess and not thinking about what I need to do for it. It is creating this, like, low level of stress that maybe escalates into a high level of stress. And. Yeah, then especially with what you're talking about, with that, like, that shame piece where you're like, the house is a mess because I haven't been able to keep up with things, and then, you know, my kids want to have a playdate, but can't have another family come in here.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

That's a big one, too. People being embarrassed to have people over. That's super common. And so.

And honestly, I think it's so common.

For everyone with ADHD that, like, there's these things that people on the outside don't see, like, the struggles.

The struggles that, like, really impact people.

And people are like, oh, I'm just. I'm doing okay.

But then when you get into, like.

What does your home life feel like? What is it?

You know, what do you feel like.

When you're at home? And. But as I've worked with thousands of women over the years, it's like, these Things are so common that so many people deal with and there's so much shame about it.

So the master of the day in the book, it came out, I have a course in community and I have been adamant that, like, I have created the course that the community people don't think they need it.

But it is so important. Just having a place where you could, like, share these things.

It's not just learning, but, like, being.

Able to, like, share and realize that, like, you're not the only one is so helpful too. Because if you stay within the shame, it's really hard to, like, hack it, you know, to find what is actually going to work for you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I've definitely found when I've been in ADHD groups in the past and someone will like, bring up some issue that they're dealing with their ad, and, like, you can do something about that. Holy smokes. I just kind of considered that what life is. I didn't think about the fact that, yeah, there are things to do about this. And me sharing has done that for other people where they're like, oh, you can do that great.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

And also, I think too, if you think about executive functioning, I think the.

Thing is that I help a lot.

Of, you know, I say I help.

Moms manage their home and family because let's say most moms, when, you know.

When I talk to people, like, that's.

What they know they need help with.

But it's all interrelated because it's like when you're kind of maxed out in.

Your capacity, it impacts everything else. So it impacts your, you know, ability to regulate your emotions, which is like one of the biggest ones. Like, how do I regulate my emotions? Well, it's like, if your life is so, like, a lot of people use the spoon example. They think about, like, if you're executive functioning, if you're, you know, have these unrealistic expectations of yourself, of how you're.

Doing life, and then you're kind of.

Running on empty, kind of aren't thinking strategically about how you're using your executive functioning. It's gonna. You're gonna get to a point where you, at the end of the day at 5 o', clock, where you wanna.

Hide in your room and you can't.

Deal with the clutter and you can't deal with the noise and you can't deal with your kids and you can't deal with the big emotions, and you're like, I don't even know what's for dinner.

You know, it's like you get to.

That point where it's just like your brain is done and it's like.

And then that gets so much harder once you have kids. Cause it's like, maybe when you were 25 and you felt overwhelmed and you overextended yourself at work and you took on a project that you, you know, whatever, you, like, said, yes, yes, yes.

And then it's like you hit your wall and then you could go hide in your bedroom and you could order doordash and like, that was okay.

But then you're trying to raise neurodivergent.

Kids who are themselves, like, dysregulated and hangry and are reliant on you to, like, feed them and you know where their soccer socks are. And, like, you can't do that anymore. And so it gets a lot more complicated. You have to figure out a new strategy for how you.

[Podcast Host]

And I think that's why we see so many late diagnosed women is because they have been managing so well beforehand. And then they have this, as I saw this especially, like, during the pandemic, where it was like, oh, yeah, suddenly having people home 247 has made it so that what was manageable before is now just a little. Maybe not a little bit, but is more. And I just. I can't cope with this. And it's, you know, it has this cascading effect.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Absolutely.

Those windows all in time are huge for me.

I'm like, I totally.

I can't. For me, even.

It was hard to recogn that I tried to. Even going into the pandemic, I was completely overextended and I didn't.

I didn't realize it.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, which was, you know, very kind of. Kind of ADHD unicorn. In the mid-80s, when I was five, my sister was diagnosed first.

So my story is a little bit unique because when I hit my ADHD.

Wall, I was on medicine. I was on medicine almost all my life.

And I thought I was coping, but.

Then I realized, like, I was. I was not.

There was all these kind of side things I was struggling with on the.

Side that I didn't kind of realize were rooted in my ADHD struggles. Because I had been just trying to do life like everyone else was doing it. I didn't realize that I needed to, like, design my life another way. I didn't know I was, like, allowed to do that, that I could kind of, you know, adjustment expectations and how I spent my time and my energy and all the things. And so, yes, I totally hit my wall and had zero cause I could affect all the things I said. You know, wanting to hide in my.

Room at 5pm and not want to deal with the noise and the clutter and like all those things. Like I was totally there.

But I was, had been in therapy, I was exercising and I was on medicine.

And so it was like. I think a lot of people think that's part of it. But the lifestyle, like how you're really designing your life is a huge, huge part of it.

I didn't know it was, was allowed. And so that's kind of what I.

Do is like help people to design the life. Even if you, you know, dig into.

The literature, it's like everything says kind of the three prong approach for kids is the best thing. Medicine, behavior, strategies, you know, education, like understanding their brain.

And so I had the first two.

Things but I didn't really understand especially as an adult. Like the behavior piece.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it is one of those things that feels like it should have a lot more. Well I should say often the way I when I like see it online, it's that people choose one place to focus and they're like, that's the one that we do. And it's important to do all of them because you're like, yeah, I am very pro medication. But it's like, yeah, pills don't teach skills. And if you don't have those skills, you know, like when I first I didn't get diagnosed until my 20s and what I tell people is like, yeah, when I first got on medication I got really good at commenting on Reddit. That's not particularly what I wanted, but it was, I was like, oh yeah, I can do this all night. And I'm like that's great, super. But that's still, I'm still not doing.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

The things I need to get to where you want to go well.

And also I used to tell people like I think without medicine it's really.

Hard to learn the skills.

Like I don't even like therapy. I'm like, I don't know how I.

Could have like show up in therapy or like go deep and really understanding my ADHD and having kind of that self awareness and being able. I am combined type. So I'm like very physically hyperactive and mentally hyperactive. So yeah, a hundred percent any medicine like. And I know a lot of people just think and as I talk to moms too, I had this comment the other day on my Instagram and someone.

Was like, well I made it this far, like what's the point in like getting a diagnosis. And I'm like, there. It's like everything, everything's the point that like, because it's not just like a label, because I think people just think.

Oh, that's my personality type. Like, well, I guess I'm just messy or I'm just, I'm just disorganized. And like everyone should just adjust.

Instead of like there's some education like.

In accept self acceptance and self awareness. That's a huge important piece of it.

But there's also like, you can, if.

You understand ADHD and you understand that the, the ways that you can structure your life that are going to help you thrive. There's.

You can, it doesn't have to like.

Hold you back and impact you and ruin your relationships and your finances and all the things that it can, where it can keep you stagnant if you don't do that work.

[Podcast Host]

And often the way that we're managing when we don't have the diagnosis is through these. I'm very rarely late and I do that mostly through anxiety, which is not a great coping mechanism. And so like having learned skills of, you know, being using my calendar more and having alarms and stuff, I'm like, oh, I can just live a less anxious life and still get to places on time. That's definitely worth it.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

You're not relying on the anxiety, you're relying on tools and strategies.

For me, it was, I was very.

Like the perfectionistic, like in that even.

Though I had medicine, but it was like I had medicine, but I also, instead of having tools and skills, you know, it's like the three things, it's.

Like the medicine, the self awareness and like skills and tools. Like, I wasn't using skills and tools. I didn't have a huge depth of.

Self awareness in terms of how ADHD.

Was impacting like my relationships and my struggles. Like I needed to grow the education piece, but then the skills and tools, like I was leading on like coping.

I was leaning on perfection anxiety because.

I was like overthinking and over analyzing everything.

And I was really underperforming in a.

Lot of areas, which I didn't realize because I was putting so much energy in like just doing life that I was like, there was this, all this energy towards my gifts and my skills and the things that I really do uniquely well because I was so focused on like covering up and hiding in like the things that were my struggles. And also my struggles were still holding me back in ways, you know, I was still like the chaos and over committing and overextending. I was definitely way more stressed than I needed to be.

[Podcast Host]

The over committing is one of the huge ones I always see where I'm just like, oh yeah, I can do that. And then it's like, why did you say yes to that? Again, not even something you really want to do.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Part of that self awareness is like cluing into that.

Like I think I. There are so many things I just was living from like a. I should do it.

This is the way you're supposed to do it.

Instead of like leading on the skills.

Of like, okay, this understanding my need.

For autonomy and like understanding things that.

Are really healthy and good for HD brains that I didn't have that self awareness to even like think, do I want to do this? Do I not? I just, I'm just supposed to do this, I should do this. So I need to. So it took time to really understand my capacity.

[Podcast Host]

So what are some of the tools that you're like kind of getting people to explore here, to kind of like find this capacity and find these ways to, you know, not be quite so held back by their adhd?

[Amy Marie Hahn]

So I've created kind of a framework.

To kind of to lead people through.

You know, people want a quick, a quick fix.

I mean if there's one kind of overarching strategy, it's. It's just this idea of intentionally limiting executive functioning and having a really clear.

Ongoing plan of my priorities. So that starts with its six to seven, so kind of six to seven boring tasks.

So giving yourself permission, understanding that the.

Boring tasks are boring and they're mundane, we're able to do some of them.

It's going to take intentionality for us to be strategic and to hack like.

How to figure those out.

So I'm going to focus on these.

Kind, these specific tasks. So it's six to seven boring tasks.

A day and you kind of work up to that.

So you start with a daily three. So you start with just three daily tasks that you're focused on that are like the core essential tasks.

And we're trying to do those three every day. If we do those three every day, then we're, you know, not getting in.

That place where we're like you talked about with the dishes. We're like, well I didn't do these.

Yesterday, so now today I need to do it again.

It's gonna feel more stressful.

So we're kind of just staying on.

Top of like the daily chaos.

And then in time you kind of focus on adding the next kind of step is like self care and getting really clear on like what is gonna.

Help you the most to function.

And then the next step is adding.

Two weekly tasks, then one monthly task.

And so you kind of fill it out. It kind of builds out. You're going from like figuring out the.

Daily chaos to then kind of getting the weekly chaos under control, the ongoing weekly things and then the monthly things.

Those things don't change much.

You know, maybe, maybe a few times a year I'll tweak my lists.

But so you have a really clear.

Plan of like, these are the essential things.

So you're spending less energy thinking about what's a priority.

You have a really clear plan of what's a priority. So it's.

So it's giving yourself time to like.

Design this life that there. And it takes, you know, some self reflection and. But it's giving yourself permission to like, focus on what matters most to you and is most essential to you and then letting a lot of other things go.

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[Podcast Host]

Can you give me some examples of those different levels of tasks so I can get a little bit concrete sense?

[Amy Marie Hahn]

So my daily task. So it's funny, I still have to.

Look at my list.

So my daily tasks are three things.

That I try to do.

An important part is not trying to.

Do everything at once. It's giving yourself room to like go through the thing.

So my daily tasks are two.

I do one load of laundry, so.

It'S not always closed, but I try to like in the morning I kind of see like, are the laundry baskets full?

Do I need to wash the sheets? Do I need to wash the towels? So I like wash something, wash it.

And dry it, and then it all goes in.

I have this big basket, so I fold once a week. But so I kind of like moving the laundry along.

I once a day clean the sink, like dishes, unload the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, clean sink, clean counter. So it's kind of like the kitchen is tidy once a day.

I'm not.

My standard is not that it stays.

That way all day, but like once.

A day it's like, this looks good, I'm happy. And then and then we also use.

A lot of paper plates nights. But that's.

It's like, I figured out, like, this I can maintain. I can't do it.

I can't keep it that way all the time.

And then the third is kind of.

Have a plan for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

So usually, like, I'm making breakfast for the kids or helping them, or you get your Cheerios, whatever. Do you need me to pack a lunch? What am I gonna eat for lunch? Oh, I have something to eat for lunch. What's for dinner?

Do I have what I. We need for dinner?

So it's. So at least for, like, that day.

I'm like, okay, I have everything we need. I know it's for dinner tonight. So I'm not, like, thinking in advance.

So it's like, if I can just.

I have a plan for those couple three things.

That's usually kind of like in the.

Morning while everyone's eating breakfast and drinking my tea. That's kind of my daily three.

So I kind of encourage people to.

Focus first on getting good at that, figuring out what the kind of daily thing is, and then you kind of move on.

And then the weekly tasks are part. I mean, a big part of it is kind of narrowing down your weekly tasks.

So I encourage you to have 14 weekly tasks and then 21 monthly tasks.

So what happens, I found, and I.

Did this for a long time is.

Like, so many monthly things. I wanted it to be a weekly thing because, like, feeling like, because. But then when you kind of put it all out out there, you're like.

Okay, that was a lot of things to happen in any one week.

So, for example, would be the car, washing the car. There was a season where I would try. It made sense for us to, like.

Try to go through the car wash once a week.

In this current season of life, I have three busy kids. My kids.

My oldest is in high school, my.

Other two in elementary school. I just don't have capacity to do that. And my car is kind of gross. But it's once a month, I can go through the car wash. And so when I said one thing, one monthly task a day. But I have 21 things, so I'm assuming not every day. Like, there's a buffer, especially for women. Assume, like, there's going to be one week, the week, the couple days, like.

Leading up to your period, the first.

Couple days of your cycle, your energy is going to dip. Okay. So we're going to plan for that. So the goal is at the end of the month, I'VE kind of worked through the things, but, like, so the.

Car wash, that's on my monthly list.

So once a month, I'm going to.

Go through the car wash and clean out the car. It's not going to be perfect, but it's like, good enough for me.

So part of it is this exercise of, like, narrowing down and simplifying, like, the basics instead of the alternative. Is what we usually do is, and I did forever, is I'd come up with this, like, crazy, like, Martha Stewart level. Like, ha. Like Google ChatGPT. I want to clean my house. Give me a schedule. And it would be like, 10 things a day that you would need to do to have the perfectly clean house that I don't.

I can't do that.

And so I'm not just talking about cleaning. And so within these tasks, it's also like, one of them. I. I think it's important for you to identify. It needs to be big enough that it feels.

Because you have to kind of right size it for you.

That, like, it feels like, okay, I did that. But like, med checks. Like, calling for, like, med refills is.

Like, one of my things because I absolutely hate doing that. So it's like calling for med refills. You know, wash the dogs.

You know, like, I clean instead of cleaning. I don't clean out the refrigerator every week.

I clean out the refrigerator once a month.

So, like, things like that going to Costco. So it's important for you to kind.

Of like, narrow down, like, the core.

Tasks, like on tues for a long time. On Tuesday, two weekly tasks were like, wash towels and clean the bathroom. And so I gave myself freedom in that because sometimes clean the bathroom would.

Look like I'd have energy and I'd.

Be like, oh, I'm gonna scrub the tile. And sometimes that looked like, okay, I'm gonna take five minutes and like, wipe.

Down the counters and spray the mirrors. So I think it is important that.

You figure out, like, the important part.

Is, like, narrowing down what is actually the core tasks that are most important to you.

Like, what does it feel like? So for me, if I wipe down the counters, that level of cleaning the.

Bathroom, if I walk in my bathroom on any given day, it's good enough for me. It's not perfect, but, like, if some random person dropped by, I'm not, like, embarrassed. It's a disaster, you know?

So it's not about just cleaning the house. It's also like the.

I kind of think about the ongoing tasks of, like, home and family and Identifying what core things.

[Podcast Host]

Do you also include some of like the self care tasks in there too or is this kind of just that like a separate bucket that we're looking at?

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Yeah, so I have, so here's kind.

Of how it works. I have checklists and it kind of.

Starts the kind of first one is.

Like Daily 3 and kind of like basic self care. Like in I talk about the essentials, sleep, eating, moving, like we're not getting.

Fancy, we're just like, those are like.

The three core things.

And then we kind of move to.

Kind of create a little more structure and rhythm, getting a little more specific.

So like, and also adding in stimulation. So one of the core things that I found is especially for moms, a lot of people withhold the interesting and stimulating things until they get a handle.

On the boring things.

But what happens is that's not how our brains work. We actually need the stimulation and the fun to actually do the boring things. So in that mindset shift is really important for people. So I kind of think about it two ways. So in the 6 to 7, I.

Don'T include the self care. I think about the self care as the ways you get to six to seven because it's what. When you start with three, like start.

With your daily three habits and then focus on kind of identifying those core.

Self care habits that are going to help you the most and getting really clear on those. And then that's when you get to like add the weekly and the monthly because that's going to give you more mental and physical energy.

[Podcast Host]

We were saying it's so easy to want to do everything all at once and just completely overload yourself. There's looking at your like daily schedule and like I'm gonna plan things down to every 15 minutes and it's like.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

I can't, it doesn't work.

Yeah, you can't.

You're not a robot.

So I do, in my course I go more into like time blocking because I do use time blocking, but I.

Kind of teach it in a different.

Way because what happens is most people, they've like, I've tried time blocking because it's like they've gone through and they've, they've taken that whole like that mars the Stewart level cleaning. Like they've talked everything that needs to possibly get done. And then how do I figure that and fit that in my life? And instead I kind of teach it.

From a way of like, first let's.

Focus on the basics and then focus on adding things in your life that.

Are really Energizing to you that actually, you know, you can fit into your life and.

And that honestly, that step takes a.

Lot of time for a lot of.

Women because there's a lot of, you.

Know, the shame or the guilt or. But that's what enables you to kind of go on and do more.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I mean, I think that shame and guilt piece is just such a huge thing to. For people to like, realize and understand that it. That is we have adhd, things are going to be hard and we can't just. There's so many times where I'm just like, oh, I should have done this already. And it's like, okay, but I didn't. And let's be beaten myself up about it hasn't ever worked before, so. And I don't think it's gonna work in the future.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Yes.

And Pony people think. People tell me all the time too is I think especially even with the weekly tasks, like so much of HD that people don't understand is like, the resistance is the most important part in terms of like, what's the resist.

Not as much about how long something takes is about how much resistance is there. Because I'm gonna have.

For me, I hate phone calls.

Like, I struggle with auditory stuff.

So, like, there is so much resistance in like a phone call. Whereas, like, okay, a 45 minute organizing.

Project might be easier for me to do. So you kind of have to get honest about, like, what's really hard for.

You and celebrate doing it. Even if you think it's easy. Like, if it's you, like, it should be easy. That's fast.

Like it's a phone call. But you have to stop beating yourself.

Up and start celebrating doing the thing like I did.

That was enough. Like, I checked it off.

Even if I think it should have been easier.

Who cares?

Like, I checked it off. So for a lot of people, this system and it.

This is what helped me.

Like, I now spend a lot of.

Time doing fun things. I'm more productive than I've ever been. I've made huge strides in my business.

But I had to really learn to.

Allow myself to rest and to do fun things and to make time for my interests. But a lot of people say, like, they're doing more.

Like they think this, oh, six out of things. I'm never going to do it.

But.

But what hap. Because what happens is normally we procrastinate and so we waste all this time procrastinating or doing things that aren't important. So we were like, we paint the bathroom or you know, find some random thing, like the progressivity that feels productive, but it's not really, like, the thing.

That needed to get done.

And so we were, like, wasted all this time procrastinating instead of, like, just getting the thing done and then doing fun things. So you find that once you learn to do that, you actually spend a.

Lot more time doing things that are rewarding and energizing. And so it's not like you're spending a ton more time doing boring stuff.

[Podcast Host]

Well, and I am thinking, like, to this, you were talking about rest and these, like, procrastination things we do that are not rest, but are, like, you know, sitting there scrolling on your phone. It's not really restful, but it feels like, oh, this was my rest time. And a. Can't get that back now. Well, I'm still tired and can't do anything right.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Exactly. A lot of the things that are kind of the numbing and a lot, especially, I would say, you know, more.

Inattentive types struggle with this, too, of, like, the paralysis. So kind of being stuck in paralysis or, like, doing something out of. Or avoidance. Doing something out of avoidance.

But it's still. But when you feel like you should.

When you're like, I know I should be doing this.

Even if you're like, even if I'm reading a book out of avoidance, it doesn't feel good because it's like, I'm.

You know, I should be doing that thing. I should. You're like, the stress is building instead.

Of, like, it's a very different relationship with yourself when you're like, okay, I did the boring thing. And, you know, I'm gonna take 15 minutes to do that.

And now I don't feel bad If I spend 45 minutes reading this book because I'm, like, proud of myself as opposed to, like, you know, stuck.

[Podcast Host]

And it's so important to make the time for the rest, too, because it feels. It feels like we could be doing other things because we're like, yeah, if I've just jammed everything into my calendar. And because there are days that. That works. That's the thing that I think is the biggest poison there is. Like, there are days where I have just put everything on my calendar, and from start to finish. Today I did everything, and it was great at the time. And then I'm dead the next day. But, hey, I still got everything done. When I'm like, but at the board.

[William Curb]

I was dead the next day.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Exactly. That's kind of the burnout. That's a big part of what I talk to people about too.

It's like, that what happens and especially when you have neurodivergent kids, that's like, yeah, you're dead. Your kids still need you to help.

Regulate their emotions, even though you're dead tired.

So, like, we can't be going for broke. Like, we used to do that and that worked. But, like, we have to intentionally keep.

Stuff, you know, keep energy in the tank.

It's not basically that same example of, like, you know, using it all and.

Then at 5pm having nothing left.

We have to learn that, like, our families, our kids, need us not just to, like, have dinner and take a bath and all that stuff, but, like, also to be kind and to, like.

Have patience for them. You know, one of my kids really always needs someone, like, body double for, like, homework. And so.

So it's learning too. If you step back in that big picture life, that. Because people are like, I have so many more things to do than six to seven things. But what happens is if you're like, okay, I'm gonna do these 20 things, you always feel like a failure because.

It'S always hard to get the 20 things done.

But even if you get 15 done, and then the next day you're, like, negative five, or then the next three.

Days, you're, like, exhausted and wiped out.

It would be so much better if you give yourself permission to, like, I'm gonna do six to seven things today, I'm gonna do six to seven things tomorrow, I'm gonna do six to 7 things.

And then you're gonna make time for rest.

You're gonna.

You're. You're not gonna be so depleted. So. So much of it is kind of breaking that depletion cycle, and it means.

Your life might look a lot different.

Than other people that you know, and that's okay.

[William Curb]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Well. And often when we are doing that comparison of someone else's life, we're doing, you know, like, I'm seeing my internal life. I'm only seeing them for 20 minutes a day, and they've got it all put together. And you're like, well, I actually have no idea what their life is like, if.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Exactly. You know, but also, for me, let's. Yeah, I tell people that all the time.

Like, they're able to do that, but it.

Honestly, so much of it is just learning your capacity.

And.

And you might. Someone might do this, and they're like, okay, I'm gonna try this, and you might stay. Because we have different seasons and we have. We don't all have the same. You know, this is, I tell people too this. It also depends on if you have a really boring job and if you are trying to homeschool and you hate doing it and it is like, like draining you, you're not gonna be able.

To do six to seven things because.

It'S like that's your boring, the, your boring tasks. So this process take, you know, sometimes.

Takes time to like learning how to design your life.

But for me it was recognizing part of the growth was like also recognizing that like yes, I get a lot.

I probably get have more downtime than maybe some other moms that I don't. It doesn't matter what she does.

But also I can get a lot.

Done in a short amount of time.

So it's like even as I look.

As a professional, like, I mean I'm.

Self employed so I know not everyone is.

Not everyone has that control.

I'm thankful that I do. But I'm like, I can get, I.

Can get a lot of work done in four hours. Someone else.

So they might get, have as much.

Work done in four hours.

So like why do I have to try to do life like them if I can get a lot of work done in four hours and then I can rest for an hour or go.

To the gym for an hour.

Like we're not that like I don't have to do life like them because.

Instead of trying to like punish myself and like make myself like I don't need to sit at a desk for four hours just because to like prove something to them.

[Podcast Host]

It's one of the funny things of. Yeah the self employment of like, well, I have have weird work hours. And also they're not going to be eight hours a day nor is it. And it's important to realize people that do work 8 hours at work 8 hours a day usually aren't working 8 hours a day. They have all sorts of other things going on during their day that they're not just like sitting there typing the entire time.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

Well, and also understanding my own creative process. Like I know I could make myself do that but I would be more tired. I would not be as creative. My words. Like it doesn't really matter what anyone else is doing.

It matters you identifying your own capacity.

And what matters to you and what is good enough for you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So I was wondering if you had any final thoughts you wanted to leave the audience with.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

If this seems interesting, go check out my book. I have my book, how to Master the how to Manage youe Life, Home and Family. As a mom with adhd, come find me on Instagram. It's me, Mariehan.

I create a lot of content for.

Moms and I hope this was helpful for whoever's listening.

[William Curb]

Well, thank you so much.

[Podcast Host]

I think this was a great conversation.

[William Curb]

Thanks again to Amy for coming on the show and thank you for sticking with us all the way to the end. Before you go though, let's do a quick rundown of Today's top tips. 1. Work on designing your routines for your actual capacity, not your fantasy energy levels. Pay attention to your natural energy rhythms and give yourself permission to do less when you're depleted.

[Amy Marie Hahn]

2.

[William Curb]

It's often not about how long a task takes, but how hard it feels. Remember, just because something simple doesn't make it easy. Build self compassion by celebrating when you complete these high resistance tasks and noticing the effort that you're putting in.

[Podcast Host]

3.

[William Curb]

There's a distinction between rest and numbing, so we need to plan intentional rest that actually restores our energy. ADHD rest is often about just lowering stimulation, not eliminating it entirely. Try something gentle, but engaging enough so that your brain doesn't go looking for dopamine hits elsewhere. Alright, that's it. Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode. Feel free to connect with me [e-mail] contact if you'd like links or to read this episode's transcript. You can go to the show notes [e-mail] 253 if you'd like even more Hacking your ADHD Be sure to sign up for my newsletter any and all distractions which comes out every other week. In it, I give out my best distractions of the week, be they what I'm reading, what I'm playing, or what I'm watching. I also try to give out a few bits of actionable advice in each newsletter, although your mileage is certainly going to vary there. If that sounds like something you're interested in, head on over to hackingyouradhd.com newsletter to sign up. I also wanted to make sure you knew about our Patreon, which you can [e-mail] Patreon it's a pay what you want model, meaning that you get all levels of Patreon for the same amount. You can pay $0 or $2 or $10. It's all the same to me. I appreciate everyone that wants to join. You get early access to all the episodes and you get access to the hacking your ADHD discord, which I'm trying to get a little bit more active on, and we'll see how that goes. But if that sounds like something you're interested in, you can just go to hackingyouradhd.com Patreon and join us. And also, don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel, which you can [e-mail] hackingyouradhd and finally, if you'd like another way to support the show, the best way to do so is to tell someone about the show, especially if you think a particular episode would resonate with them. Just click the Share button on your podcast player. And now for your moment of Dad I was in the store the other day and saw this all black goth corn. Or as it's better known, corn on the macabre.

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[Dana]

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[Dana]

So Dana oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on the them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

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[Amy Marie Hahn]

Nice.

[Dana]

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[Jeff Bridges]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible trade in in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

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