Hacking Your ADHD

Episode: Reclaiming Your Capacity with Meredith Carder

Host: William Curb
Guest: Meredith Carder
Date: April 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this engaging conversation, William Curb sits down with ADHD coach and author Meredith Carder to explore the often-conflicted space between ambition and actual capacity for adults with ADHD. They swap stories, insights, and practical strategies for aligning goals, planning more effectively, managing shame around daily tasks, and embracing the natural rhythms of an ADHD brain. Expect actionable tips, self-compassionate wisdom, and empowering ways to "stop trying to sprint a marathon."

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Embracing Obstacles and Flexibility (03:19–04:15)

• ADHD and Adaptability: Both hosts comment on the inevitability of obstacles and how ADHD brains often become adept at adapting.

  • Meredith: "The sooner we accept that there's going to be roadblocks and obstacles, the better we are at coping with them." (03:33)

• Frustration with Routine Tasks: ADHDers often expend more energy than expected just getting to everyday appointments or calls.

Ambition vs. Capacity: Understanding Bandwidth (04:47–07:52)

• Dreamers and Doers: ADHDers are "big dreamers" and creative ideators, but face executive dysfunction that makes execution hard.

  • Meredith: "A lot of us are big dreamers... But when we start wanting to go after some of those things, we're not always able to make up for the executive dysfunction we're experiencing." (05:15)

• Detail Blindness: It's easy to jump to the vision’s end-point, glossing over the many micro-steps required.

• Losing Self-Trust: Repeated "failures" to complete even small goals can erode self-trust.

  • Meredith: "They lose that self trust that the things they are looking to accomplish are even for them." (06:31)

The Shame Spiral of "Simple" Adulting Tasks (07:52–10:49)

• Simple ≠ Easy: Everyday tasks like laundry, dishes, or paperwork can be deceptively difficult for ADHD brains.

  • William: "Sometimes that's just us conflating simple with easy." (07:23)
  • Meredith: "With ADHD, those simple things are much harder for us... So we don't want to get support or have a strategy for the simple things because we think they should be easy." (07:52)

• Shame and Social Perception: Both share stories of embarrassment over messy cars or dishes, and how social expectations heighten that shame.

  • Meredith: "I was trying so hard to kind of look like that put together person... And then somebody asked if I could be the coworker that drove to lunch that day... They would jump in my car and see the rolling trash can it was." (08:47)

Redefining What "Adult" Means & Adapting Systems (11:09–15:27)

• Questioning Old Models: Many "must-do" adulting expectations are inherited or unexamined.

  • William: "Where did I come up with that definition other than, like, as a child being like, monitoring, like, this is what adults do? I'm like, that's—adults are everything." (14:24)

• System Hacks Example: William shares his “bin” system for laundry instead of using drawers or hangers, reframing the task to fit his brain.

  • Meredith: "That's actually a really brilliant idea. I might have to steal that... Sometimes we do have to really catch ourselves in those patterns of thinking that because we were taught this is the way to do something, that that's the only way." (12:47)

ADHD Capacity is Variable: Sprinters, Not Marathoners (15:27–19:39)

• Energy Fluctuations: Capacity isn’t consistent. Some days are high energy; others, not at all.

• The Sprinter Analogy: ADHDers work best in focused bursts, followed by necessary recovery.

  • Meredith: "People with ADHD are sprinters, not marathoners... Sprinters need to recover... And I think just accepting that about our work styles is really important." (15:58)

• Planned vs. Unplanned Breaks: Planned rest is restorative, while unplanned (e.g., doomscrolling) is less effective.

  • William: "If I have a planned break where I'm like, oh, I'm going to stop and do this thing that I want to do versus... just distracted... I'm going to have so much better recovery." (19:00)

Planning for Capacity & Rest—Not Just Productivity (21:45–24:50)

• Making Peace with Rest: Scheduling recovery time, and learning to silence the “I should be working” voice, is a crucial ADHD skill.

  • Meredith: "It’s not something that...you're still not gonna have times where you're feeling bad about rest. But...unwind that conditioning that, you know, needing to rest is a bad thing." (22:02)
  • William: "It does take a bit to get yourself into that brain set of... I've planned this break and it is okay that I'm not doing work." (21:45)

• Self-Check-ins: Build flexible check-in points to ask: Do I want to keep going? Would a pause help?

  • Meredith: "Having check-ins set when I...hope for... a high-focused period. Having that flexibility to...pause and be like, okay, have I had any water? Have I eaten any food today?" (23:21)

Practical Planning Systems and Monday Meetings (25:13–30:51)

• Meredith’s Routine: Each Monday, she hosts a planning meeting (in her membership community) where members independently plan their week, set intentions, and share their top priorities.

  • Meredith: "We spend about 10 or 15 minutes independently planning our week... My process... I keep all of my meetings and appointments in my Google calendar, but I need to see it on paper too, to really understand what my week looks like." (25:26)

• Detailed Planning: Uses both weekly and daily paper planners to block time for essentials (lunch, creative projects, recovery).

• Setting Realistic Expectations: With kids and life demands, sometimes the priority is just to hang out with family and not stress about unfinished work.

  • Meredith: "It felt a lot different this week to get to Friday knowing that I didn't, like, you know, do a lot of extra stuff...I didn't feel like I was doing something wrong because...I needed to recover." (27:05)

Building the Habit of "The Pause" Before Decisions (32:52–35:51)

• Practice Pausing: Anticipate upcoming asks and intentionally delay giving an answer.

  • Meredith: "...I said to my group, I said, one of my intentions this week is to not say yes on the call...sometimes I'll even rehearse language before I know I'm going into a meeting where I'm going to be tempted to commit to something that I haven't really thought about it." (33:05)

• No-Shame Reflection: If a snap decision backfires, reflect compassionately. “If negative self talk worked, we’d be masters at everything we’re doing. But... it just makes things a little bit harder next time." (35:08, William)

From Reactive to Proactive: Regulating and Planning for the Unexpected (36:10–40:43)

• From Reactivity to Groundedness: Weekly planning creates a proactive, less stressed environment.

  • Meredith: "I felt like I was always in a really reactive state... Now I feel a lot more grounded in my entire week." (36:10)

• Buffer Time: Intentionally plan for “unexpected” chaos—technology fails, double-bookings, or ADHD time-blindness.

  • Meredith: "It's really helpful with ADHD to always plan a little bit of time for like the unexpected." (38:14)

Using ADHD Strengths Judiciously & Planning Recovery (41:04–41:59)

• Dopamine from Last-Minute Success: The adrenaline and focus from “coming in hot” can be useful, but it’s costly long-term.
  • Meredith: "I feel like I used to live my life coming in hot all the time... But when we're doing that all the time, then there's, like, a lot of recovery that's going to be needed...The cost is bigger now." (39:32)
  • William: "When we are using our, like, ADHD skills...it is we are borrowing from our future selves and that recovery is so much harder." (40:43)

Aligning Goals with Skills and Values (43:09–45:01)

• Beyond “What You’re Good At”: Set goals based on values and strengths—not just what you’re skilled at.

  • Meredith: "It's not just the skills that we need to identify. It's what do we value? Sometimes we're good at things that aren't really a good values fit for us long term." (43:09)

• Aim for Alignment: Ideally, pursue goals where the percentage of interesting, values-driven work outweighs the boring or draining bits.

  • Meredith: "Finding what those skills are, finding what your values are, and kind of matching them I think is really helpful." (43:33)

Building Self-Trust Is Key (45:52–47:10)

• Rebuilding Self-Trust: Years of undiagnosed ADHD may chip away confidence. Rebuilding self-trust is foundational for sustainable ambition.
  • Meredith: "Oftentimes that can be the first step when you do want to embrace your ambition a little bit more is to work on rebuilding that first because that's what's going to carry you through when you do find your capacity is stretched." (45:52)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "The sooner we accept that there's going to be roadblocks and obstacles, the better we are at coping with them."
  – Meredith Carder (03:33)
• "Sometimes that's just us being like conflating simple with easy. This is simple. Well, yeah, but it's not easy."
  – William Curb (07:23)
• "People with ADHD are sprinters, not marathoners... Sprinters need to recover."
  – Meredith Carder (15:58)
• "If negative self talk worked, we'd be masters at everything we're doing. But it does not work."
  – William Curb (35:08)
• "Just because something was hard or felt impossible before doesn't mean that we can't find a different way to do it that works for us."
  – Meredith Carder (46:44)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:19–04:15: The flexibility and patience required with ADHD
• 05:15–07:52: The ambition vs. capacity struggle; the loss of self-trust
• 08:47–10:49: Shame about daily tasks—messy cars, dishes, social perception
• 11:09–15:27: Adapting systems—making adulting tasks ADHD-friendly
• 15:58–19:39: “Sprinters not marathoners;” the need for rest and recovery
• 22:02–24:50: How to build peace with planned rest and capacity check-ins
• 25:26–30:51: Meredith’s proactive Monday planning system
• 33:05–35:51: Practicing the pause before decisions; rehearsing boundaries
• 36:10–40:43: Moving from reactive to proactive, planning for buffer time
• 43:09–45:01: Setting goals aligned with values rather than just skills
• 45:52–47:10: The importance of rebuilding self-trust

Final Takeaways

• Recognize and design for your real capacity, not just your ambition.
• Redefine “adulting” standards to fit your life and actual needs—ditch the shame.
• Use planning rituals to ground your week and reclaim bandwidth.
• Recharge intentionally, not just when you collapse; planned rest is powerful.
• Build self-trust gradually—it’s the lever for sustainable change and ambition.

For more info, show notes, and links:
hackingyouradhd.com/287