Podcast Summary: Hacking Your ADHD

Episode Title: Sticks, Stones, and Systemic Issues: The ADHD Bullying Study with Brooke Schnittman
Host: William Curb
Guest: Brooke Schnittman
Date: March 30, 2026
Episode Link: HackingYourADHD.com/283

Overview

This episode tackles a crucial, often overlooked aspect of ADHD: how people with ADHD become targets of bullying not only in childhood but throughout their adult lives. William Curb sits down with Brooke Schnittman—ADHD coach, bestselling author, and advocate—to explore her groundbreaking global study examining the intersection of ADHD and bullying. The discussion dives deep into definitions, personal stories, systemic issues, physiological responses, and actionable strategies for breaking the cycle and building resilience.

Major Discussion Points

1. The Genesis and Methodology of the ADHD Bullying Study

[02:58-04:45]

• Brooke shares her personal history: bullied from age eight through adulthood, which led her to suspect a larger, systemic issue within the ADHD community.
• The study’s audience: 162 self-selected adults with ADHD from around the world.
• Survey questions: Experiences of being bullied as children and adults, scenarios and settings of bullying, whether respondents were ever the bully, and coping mechanisms.
• Bullying defined: “Repeated targeted behavior involving a power imbalance and causing harm, where the targeted individual struggles to defend themselves.”
• Survey included both quantitative and qualitative (open-ended) responses to verify experiences.

"So many of the respondents in this survey didn’t realize that, in fact, what they were receiving was bullying until they met with an ADHD professional… they thought it was a 'them' problem."
— Brooke Schnittman [05:50]

2. Breaking Down Bullying: Repetition, Power Imbalance, and Harm

[06:19-14:01]

• Power imbalance: Not only traditional (boss/teacher), but also social (popularity, group dynamics), emotional (dependency), and systemic (neurotypical vs. neurodivergent norms).
  • Example: Teachers or bosses singling out individuals, social exclusion, manipulation.
  • Internal struggles like RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) and working memory challenges magnify vulnerability.
• Freeze response: ADHD brains often default to freezing rather than fighting back, due to immediate, physiological survival reactions.
• Repetition: Bullying involves more than one incident; a single severe event can function like bullying if power imbalance and significant harm are present.
• Harm: Extends beyond physical/emotional to include social or reputational damage. Teasing, exclusion, and “just joking” comments deeply affect ADHDers.

"We’re not just talking about overt, like you see in childhood… as adults, bullying is more covert—chronic criticism, exclusion, micromanagement."
— Brooke Schnittman [11:19]

3. Surprising Results from the Survey

[14:10-15:46]

• Bullying rates escalate well beyond the neurotypical population:
  • 90.7% were bullied as children
  • 82% bullied as adults
  • 70% bullied across their lifespan
  • 63% specifically targeted in the workplace
  • 54% experienced bullying within adult relationships
  • 14.2% reported online bullying
  • 22.4% admitted to becoming bullies themselves (“victims become perpetrators”)
  • Many tried therapy, but half felt it “missed the mark” until they received ADHD-specific help

"The highest number of bullying incidents in adulthood was in the workplace… and 22.4% of the adults who completed this became the bully."
— Brooke Schnittman [14:10]

4. Invisible Disabilities and Systemic Disadvantages

[16:49-18:47]

• Invisible disabilities: Observed to be more prone to bullying—classmates don’t see the difference and teachers/colleagues misunderstand traits.
• Systemic ignoring: Society, infrastructure (such as sidewalks), and organizations are not structured for neurodivergent needs.

5. ADHD, Family, and Interpersonal Dynamics

[19:13-21:23]

• Parenting struggles: Both hosts share stories of parenting neurodivergent children and the cyclical frustration and empathy involved.
• Metacognition and reflection: It's easy to forget ADHD’s hidden struggles, even as an adult with ADHD parenting ADHD children.

"We are more likely to remember the first and the last, and in the middle? Forget about it."
— Brooke Schnittman [21:15]

6. The Lasting, Systemic Impact of Bullying: Perfectionism, Masking, and Trauma

[23:17-27:31]

• Hypervigilance: Bullying and rejection lead to constant scanning for criticism and people-pleasing.
• Perfectionism as a maladaptive coping mechanism: Many ADHDers internalize the need to be perfect to avoid criticism.
• Masking: Trying to blend in, even at the cost of authenticity, which prevents real self-development and perpetuates anxiety.
• Therapy pitfalls: Standard therapy increases anxiety without ADHD-aware approaches. Recognition and validation of experiences are crucial.

"When we mask… you never really feel the feelings. So you don’t work on yourself and you don’t progress."
— Brooke Schnittman [26:17]

7. Intervention, Support Systems, and Education

[28:19-36:08]

• Reciprocal support: Having just one friend who genuinely understands and accepts you can be transformative.
• The importance of education: Both for victims (to recognize bullying and choose safe people) and for the larger community or workplace (raising awareness, promoting universal design).
• Workplace bullying: Handles workplace examples and what individuals can do, including seeking informed help and, if possible, leaving toxic environments.

"If we can choose certain people… who are going to be nice and value us and lift us up… that is going to change your confidence level."
— Brooke Schnittman [34:32]

8. Advocacy and Agency: Navigating Work, Relationships, and More

[36:48-44:44]

• Limitations of behavioral tricks: One-liners and scripts don’t always work mid-freeze; executive function challenges make it hard to recall advice during stress.
• Leaving toxic situations: Sometimes the best decision is to leave, but doing so is especially hard for someone with ADHD due to the overwhelm of change.
• Role of reflective pauses: Both hosts emphasize the importance of slowing down, reflecting, and making informed choices (job interviews, relationships).
• Romantic relationships: You may not truly know a partner for several years—a challenging idea for impulsive ADHD brains.

"You do have a voice, but sometimes it is so toxic that you need to leave."
— Brooke Schnittman [38:26]

9. Concrete Coping Strategies and Proactive Self-Care

[45:00-47:27]

• Communication: Clear, direct stating of needs (vs. hinting/people-pleasing) is crucial in all relationships.
• Restorative practices: EMDR, nervous system regulation, Internal Family Systems, regular reflection.
• Building self-awareness: Not waiting for total shutdown before seeking support or reflecting.
• Boundary-setting: Selecting environments and relationships that support your nervous system.

"For most people, bullying declines with age. In this sample of adults with ADHD, it didn’t… It’s about reclaiming control, rebuilding confidence, and choosing environments that really fit your nervous system."
— Brooke Schnittman [47:05]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the realization of bullying as an adult:
  "They thought it was a 'them' problem, that they were just on the outside, that they needed to change who they were… until they identified that, A, they have ADHD and B, this is bullying and it’s not okay."
  — Brooke Schnitman [05:50]

• On the challenge of fighting back in the moment:
  "I had a hard time fighting back. I would freeze in situations… when we are threatened or not understanding social cues, we’re misinterpreting it and we’re not standing up for ourselves."
  — Brooke Schnittman [08:28]

• Statistics from the study:
  "90.7% of the 162 people… were bullied as children. 82% were bullied as adults."
  — Brooke Schnittman [14:10]

• On masking and self-development:
  "When we mask… you never really feel the feelings. So you don’t work on yourself and you don’t progress."
  — Brooke Schnittman [26:17]

• On the challenges of seeking change:
  "Many ADHDers stay in bullying situations because the executive function required to leave… often feels more overwhelming than the bullying itself."
  — William Curb [48:54]

• Final thought:
  "Awareness is everything… but it’s also not about staying stuck in the past. It’s about reclaiming control, rebuilding confidence, and choosing environments that really fit your nervous system."
  — Brooke Schnittman [47:05]

Important Timestamps

• Introduction to the study: [02:58-04:45]
• Defining bullying & survey method: [04:57-06:19]
• Personal story of power imbalance: [06:30-08:28]
• ADHD brain freeze & physiological response: [09:07-09:44]
• Bullying data and statistics: [14:10-15:46]
• Masking and therapy pitfalls: [26:01-27:31]
• Adult relationships and job choices: [39:00-42:44]
• Concrete advice for managing bullying: [33:19-36:08], [45:00-47:27]
• Final takeaways: [47:05-47:38]

Actionable Takeaways

• Recognize the signs: Understand that bullying against ADHDers is often more covert in adulthood (chronic criticism, exclusion, micromanagement).
• Evaluate environments: Use body signals and nervous system cues to assess workplace or relationship safety.
• Seek out reciprocal, affirming relationships—even one can make a large difference.
• Prioritize education: Both for yourself (to spot bullying) and for others (advocating for neurodiversity awareness).
• Don’t mask for survival; strive for environments where you can be authentic.
• Regulate your nervous system: Use therapeutic techniques and grounding practices to counteract stress responses.
• Set clear, direct boundaries. Communicate needs without apology or excessive justification.

Conclusion

This episode pulls back the curtain on the persistent problem of bullying within the ADHD community, urging listeners to move beyond self-blame, recognize covert aggressions, and proactively seek support and environments that nurture, rather than undermine, their neurodivergent strengths. Brooke Schnittman emphasizes that healing and progress require both self-awareness and systemic change—and that nobody with ADHD has to navigate this alone.