Lux Radio Theatre - The Awful Truth

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Lux Radio Theatre – The Awful Truth
Original Air Date: June 28, 2026
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Starring: Bob Hope (as Jerry Warriner), Constance Bennett (as Lucy Warriner), and Ralph Bellamy (as Dan Leeson)

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Episode Overview

This episode features a dramatized adaptation of the classic screwball comedy "The Awful Truth," originally a hit film and now brought to life on the Lux Radio Theatre. The story revolves around Jerry and Lucy Warriner, a witty and quarrelsome couple navigating misunderstandings, jealousy, and the bumpy road toward rekindling their love after a troublesome breakup and impending divorce. The production balances sharp comedic dialogue, heartfelt confessions, and memorable set pieces, showcasing the charm and chemistry of its all-star cast, including Bob Hope, Constance Bennett, and Ralph Bellamy.

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Major Discussion Points & Story Beats

1. Opening and Setup of the Main Conflict

• [00:30 – 03:47]: Introduction by Cecil B. DeMille

  • DeMille sets the stage with Hollywood flair, explaining the play's romantic springtime theme and the casting of Bob Hope, Constance Bennett, and Ralph Bellamy.
  • DeMille notes Lux Toilet Soap’s popularity in Hollywood as an amusing aside.

• [03:47 – 11:47]: The First Misunderstandings

  • Jerry returns from his supposed Florida trip, faking a tan, bantering with club friends about marital independence.
  • Surprise: Lucy is not home, and her whereabouts become suspicious when she finally reappears, accompanied by her music teacher Armand.
  • Jerry and Lucy exchange barbs and innuendo, each questioning the other's fidelity, culminating in mutual accusations of dishonesty.
  • Notable quote:
    • Lucy: “You weren’t in Florida and you weren’t in Montreal that time you said you were going there... If you were in Charleston, how come you mailed this letter from Perth Amboy, New Jersey?” [11:25]

2. The Divorce and Dog Custody Fight

• [13:00 – 15:50]:
  • Their escalating quarrels lead them to agree on divorce, sparking an absurdly comical courtroom battle over custody of their beloved dog, Mr. Smith.
  • The judge lets the dog decide, but Lucy uses a hidden rubber bone to tip the scales.
  • Notable moment:
    • Jerry: “But suppose he wants to live with both of us? Which end will I get? As if I didn’t know.” [15:02]

3. Post-Divorce Antics and New Entanglements

• [16:10 – 24:00+]:
  • Lucy moves in with Aunt Patsy and quickly meets Dan Leeson, an earnest and wealthy oilman from Oklahoma, while Jerry attempts to maintain visiting rights with Mr. Smith.
  • Comedic friction arises when Jerry interrupts Lucy’s new courtship under the guise of visiting the dog.

4. New Relationships, Lingering Jealousy

• [27:53 – 36:40]:

  • Aunt Patsy warns Lucy about “rebound” relationships; Lucy asserts she’s happy with Dan, rationalizing she never truly loved Jerry.
  • Both Jerry and Lucy attempt to move on, with Jerry feigning interest in a showgirl (Dixie Belle) and Lucy growing closer to Dan.
  • A pivotal dinner scene finds Jerry and Lucy, with their new partners, exchanging snide remarks and thinly-veiled jabs.
  • Notable quote:
    • Jerry: “Well, I always approve of marriage. I think it’s a wonderful way to spend a few weeks.” [30:44]

• [36:40 – 44:42]:

  • Jerry and Lucy’s mutual jealousy reaches a climax with comic misunderstandings, mistaken identities, and an array of comic altercations—including a jujitsu demonstration gone awry.

5. Final Showdown & Reunion

• [47:46 – 62:58]:

  • As their divorce nears finalization, both try to sabotage each other’s new relationships—culminating in one of radio’s great comic setpieces: Lucy impersonating Jerry’s “sister” at a stuffy engagement dinner, gleefully destroying Jerry’s pretense of aristocracy with jokes about their imaginary family criminal past.
  • Notable moment:
    • Lucy (as Lulu): “All the time I was working at the Virginia Club…”
    • Jerry: “You mean the time he went to prison, Jerry?”
    • Lucy: “You mean the first time he went to prison, Jerry?” [56:29]

• [57:40 – 62:58]:

  • After the disastrous party, Jerry drives Lucy to Aunt Patsy’s mountain cabin. The car keys are “lost,” trapping them together as the clock ticks toward midnight and their divorce’s finalization.
  • Tender confessions and classic banter ensue as they remember their love for each other.
  • Notable exchange:
    • Lucy: “It won’t be long now. Just 45 teeny minutes. Funny, isn’t it?” [60:52]
    • Jerry: “Listen, it’s all off. I’m not gonna go through with it... The divorce is off!” [62:14–62:29]

• [62:46 – 63:12]:

  • The couple emotionally reunites as the clock strikes twelve, reaffirming their love:
    • Jerry: “I love you, Lucy."
    • Lucy: “I love you.”

6. Closing Curtain

• [63:24 – 65:48]:
  • Cast returns for bows and light-hearted meta-banter with Cecil B. DeMille.
  • Plug for Lux Toilet Soap (original sponsor) and preview of next week’s play.
  • DeMille closes with a characteristic flair, emphasizing the show’s Hollywood glamour and inviting listeners back.

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Notable Quotes & Comic Highlights

• Jerry (Bob Hope), on their divorce:
  “Do you think I want people to think you preferred that eight-bar rest to me?” [13:30]

• Lucy (Constance Bennett):
  “You came home and caught me in the truth. And, well, it seems there’s nothing less logical than the truth.” [12:51]

• Jerry, upon being locked in the closet:
  “Frame. That’s what I am. Frame.” [23:23]

• Lucy, as Jerry's fake sister Lulu:
  "Now don’t you look at me like that, Jerry... We called him Jerry the Nipper. He likes to sneak them when nobody’s looking.” [53:43]

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Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• The Tan Fiasco:
  Jerry fakes a Florida tan—“Give it the juice!” [04:01–04:06]

• Dog Custody Courtroom:
  “Which end will I get?”—The judge humorously lets the dog decide which owner to stay with. [15:02]

• Fake Sister Dinner Scene:
  Lucy sabotages Jerry’s chances with Barbara and her parents by pretending to be his uncultured, drunken vaudeville “sister.” [52:48–57:12]

• The Final Reunion at the Cabin:
  Emotional mutual confessions as the couple realize their divorce is a mistake, just before the clock strikes midnight. [60:52–62:58]

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The Episode’s Tone and Style

• Fast-paced, bantering comedy: The script is packed with zingers, dry witticisms, and physical comedy translated for radio.
• Romantic screwball energy: Embarrassing misunderstandings, mistaken identities, and oddball side characters keep the tone effervescent.
• Touch of sincerity: Underneath the shenanigans, heartfelt vulnerability emerges at several key moments.

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Why Listen?

This adaptation of "The Awful Truth" is a prime example of Golden Age radio at its best: a sharp script, show-stopping cast (led by Bob Hope, never missing a comic beat), and sparkling repartee. The interplay of romance and farce is classic screwball, while the live radio format gives the jokes a fizzy, spontaneous feeling lost in more rehearsed mediums.

Listeners will delight in the enduring story of love rediscovered amidst chaos, set against the nostalgic backdrop of vintage radio theatre.

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Key Segments & Timestamps

• Introduction & Setup: [00:30–03:47]
• First Marital Blowup: [03:47–11:47]
• Dog Custody & Divorce Court: [13:00–15:50]
• Lucy Meets Dan Leeson: [17:27–20:00]
• Nightclub Dinner Showdown: [27:53–36:40]
• Fake Sister at Engagement Dinner: [52:48–57:12]
• Cabin Reunion & Resolution: [60:47–62:58]
• Curtain Call & Next Week’s Preview: [63:24–65:48]

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Highly recommended for fans of classic romantic comedy, vintage radio, and lovers of fast-talking, screwball humor!

Transcript

[Jerry Warriner]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Lux presents Hollywood. The lux radio theater brings you bob hope, constance bennett and ralph bellamy in the awful true. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil b. Demille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. And although it's still winter on your calendar and mine, it's spring in the heart of Bob Hope. Tonight, he's here with Constance Bennett and Ralph Bellamy to bring us the Awful Truth, a gay comedy that gives Bob plenty of scope as a Romeo. You'll remember the Awful Truth as a Columbia picture hit, and we've adapted it especially for these three stars. I won't tell you how many dozen scripts and thousands of feet of film were left along the wayside before we picked this play. But it was worth all the trouble when the irrepressible Mr. Hope began rehearsing his romantic role. With Ms. Bennet for inspiration and Mr. Bellamy for opposition. It's a brand new chapter in the Hope saga. In fact, I think we are making history. Bob's success story is amazing, even for Hollywood. But there's another success story that concerns the Lux Radio Theater, too. It happened in Hollywood, and it's happened in just about every other city, town, village or crossroads between here and wherever your loudspeaker is. And it's happening still in every day. That's the success story of Lux Toilet Soap. And the stars of this particular success are listening to the Lux Radio Theater right now. I say stars because it's not a single person. It's every one of you who uses Lux Toilet Soap. And that must be almost as many stars as are visible on a clear California night. Now we give you the story of Jerry and Lucy Warriner and their stormy voyage along the course of true love. One of the happiest hurricanes that we've ever sailed with. You see, it takes more than a singing teacher, a dog named Mr. Smith and an oil millionaire to stop Bob Hope. The house lights are down, the curtain goes up. And here's the first act of the Awful Truth. Starring Bob Hope as Jerry Warriner, Constance Bennett as Lucy and Ralph Bellamy as Dan. The sun lamp room of a Manhattan athletic club. Hank, the attendant, is busy piling towels on the shelf as a young man in gym trunks makes a hurried entrance. The young man is Jerry Warner. Jerry is tall and usually has a healthy look about him. But just now his skin is the color of old parchment. And there are two beautiful dark circles beneath his eyes and they are not from overwork. With a sigh and a groan, he stretches out on the table. Oh, well, good morning, Mr. Wyner. How are you this morning?

[Jerry Warriner]

Swell, swell. And I do mean my head. How do I look?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, you look a little.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, never mind. Just make me look good. Come on, unpack those bags under my eyes, turn on the sun lamp and give it all she's got.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, about 15 minutes on each side

[Jerry Warriner]

is all I'd recommend.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mr. Wyaner.

[Jerry Warriner]

15 minutes, nothing. I've got to get a deep Florida tan. If it takes all afternoon, give it the juice.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, okay.

[Jerry Warriner]

Had a boy. All aboard from Miami, Palm beach and Point South. And Hank, don't forget to turn me over when I'm done. Hiya, Jerry. Hiya, Frank.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I heard you were in here.

[Jerry Warriner]

Thought maybe you'd like to play a little squash. Squash? That's all I need is a little squash. I haven't even got the strength to squish. Hey, you're awfully white skinned for a guy who just spent two weeks in Florida. How come you didn't get tanned any place? Large smoked glasses. What'd you do down there, carry a parasol? Or didn't you Go careful. Don't let an idea like that get around. Oh, I get it. Pulling her fastball on my little wife, huh? Look, Frank, I'm surprised at you. I'm supposed to have been in Florida. Now, suppose one of Lucy's friends say, why isn't he tanned? Lucy's going to be embarrassed. Well, I'm going to be tanned and Lucy's not going to be embarrassed. And what my wife does doesn't know won't hurt her. Or me either. What was it, a poker trip?

[Lucy Warriner]

Sure.

[Jerry Warriner]

A fella's gotta bust out once in a while, assert his independence. Boy, did I assert it. You certainly look it. But I'll bet you wouldn't like Lucy to pull a stunt like that on you. Why not? A person doesn't have to stop being an individual just because he gets married.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Maybe.

[Jerry Warriner]

Anyhow, how about coming over to my house for breakfast? We were all out late Last night and some of the gang are stopping by. I've got a much better idea. Everybody come to my place. Lucy will fix up a swell breakfast for us. Maybe after we can leave the women flat and play some good off. What do you say? I'm convinced. See you later. Okay, ladies and gents, come on in. The joint is yours, Jerry.

[Lucy Warriner]

That sunburn for your positively vermilion. Wait till Lucy sees what Florida did for you.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hey, where is she, Lucy? It's your brown as a berry. Jerry.

[Lucy Warriner]

You.

[Jerry Warriner]

Who? Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Surprise.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yoo, Lucy. Why Lucy, how you've changed. Hello, dog of mine. How you been? Where's Mama? Where is she?

[Lucy Warriner]

Welcome back, Mr. Warner.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, hello, Celeste. Would you tell Mrs. Warner I'm here?

[Lucy Warriner]

I'm sorry, sir, Mrs. Warner is not at home.

[Jerry Warriner]

She's not at home? Wait a minute folks. Quiet. Say, where'd she go?

[Lucy Warriner]

I don't know, sir. She said she was going to a music recital.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, when did she leave?

[Lucy Warriner]

I'm not sure, sir. I think last night.

[Jerry Warriner]

Last night? No one could take that many encores. You mean she hasn't been home since. Okay, never mind. What's the matter Jerry? No welcoming arms to greet you this trip? Oh, mind your own business, will you? Come to think of it, she probably ran up to her Aunt Patsy's cabin in the mountains. She usually does if she gets lonely. She's got beaver blood in her.

[Lucy Warriner]

Suppose her Aunt Patsy wasn't home.

[Jerry Warriner]

I get it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Very funny.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'm up to my neck in funny people. No, seriously, I wish Lucy would go out and get some fun for herself now and then. Do her good. That's the trouble with marriage. People are always imagining things and the next thing you know they end up in a divorce court. The broad minded man from Miami. Well, if you think you're gonna get a chance to prove my broad mindedness, you're crazy. She's up in Aunt Patsy's cabin and I'll bet on her saying, is that a spotlight?

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello everybody.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, up at Aunt Patsy's cabin, eh? Well, there's Patsy now. Some fun, huh? Oh, shut up. Hello, Patsy. How did you get here?

[Lucy Warriner]

By invitation. Lucy invited me yesterday on the phone. Say, what is this? Lucy invites me. No Lucy. Where is she?

[Jerry Warriner]

That, it seems, is a $64 question.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello everybody.

[Jerry Warriner]

Lucy. Hey.

[Lucy Warriner]

L. Hello. Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Jerry, Jerry, it's good to see you.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, darling, it's Grant. You're looking marvelous. Oh, I nearly forgot. Armo, Armo, come on in and meet everyone. Amo is the best music teacher a woman ever had. Aren't you, Amo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thank you, my dear.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, you know Amo Laval, of course.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, yes. I never forget a toupee. So you teach music, huh? Yes. I didn't know there was any left.

[Lucy Warriner]

Everybody else's is Amo.

[Jerry Warriner]

How do you do? How do you do it?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, now that we're all introduced, I can relax. Oh, Amo and I have had the most terrible time, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

I imagine you must have. Where was the recital, silly?

[Lucy Warriner]

What do you mean?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I didn't know they had recitals in the morning and that you went to them in evening clothes. Pretty formal, isn't it?

[Lucy Warriner]

Armand does look silly in tails at this time of the day, doesn't he?

[Jerry Warriner]

On the contrary. I think Arman will look natural with a tail anytime.

[Lucy Warriner]

He had such an awful night.

[Jerry Warriner]

Why, did somebody sing Fantasy?

[Lucy Warriner]

Stop it, darling. You don't know what happened. Armon's car broke down a million miles from nowhere. He had to park me at a farmhouse and hike to the nearest town to get them to tow the car. And he had to stay there and hang around garages and things to pick me up in the morning and bring me home. Oh, it was dreadful. We were coming home from a party.

[Jerry Warriner]

You stole that plot from Philadelphia Story.

[Lucy Warriner]

You understand, don't you?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, sure, sure. But just to make sure, I'm gonna run upstairs and write a letter to Dorothy Dix. Mr. Warrener, you have the Continental mind. Sure, that's it. I've got a Continental mind.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, Lucy, dear, I'm so sorry. I'll have to run. So soon?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, stick around. The party hasn't even started yet. We're gonna open a bottle of 7Up. Oh, sure, sure, we know. You probably want to talk to Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Come on, people.

[Jerry Warriner]

Give you all a hip. Okay. Bye, everybody. Well, Mr. Laval, why didn't you let Frank give you a hitch?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I wanted to explain.

[Jerry Warriner]

You see, Mr. Wilder, the next time I take your wife out, I hope, I hope you buy a new car. Or else I'll loan you mine. You're hungry? Why, yes, I am starved. Well, why don't you run out and get some breakfast? Fellow like you should take care of himself. Sitting in drafty garages all night.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mr. Wilder, what have I done?

[Jerry Warriner]

That's what I'm gonna find out.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, you. You don't believe this.

[Jerry Warriner]

We'll discuss this in private, please. That is, if Mr. Laval can remember where we keep our door.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Very well. Perhaps it is best this way. Lucy. Will I see you soon?

[Lucy Warriner]

Of course.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It has all been so perfect. Thank you for everything.

[Jerry Warriner]

And Mr. Warner, I think you must be out of your continental mind.

[Lucy Warriner]

That was pretty funny at that. I. I mean, what he just said.

[Jerry Warriner]

Very funny. I haven't laughed so much since you wore your last hat.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, he's gone. You can speak freely, darling.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, Lucy, what have you got to say for yourself? Smart, aren't you?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I knew you'd say that, and I'm prepared to answer. Armo was invited to the party by a young man whose sister is a pupil of Armo's. Armo invited me to go along. I went because I could think of nothing better to do. Believe it or not, I was lonely.

[Jerry Warriner]

And then the car broke down.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes, his car is very old.

[Jerry Warriner]

So is his story. I've used it myself. Before we were married, I mean.

[Lucy Warriner]

Do you want me to go on?

[Jerry Warriner]

Sure. Let's have all the morbid details. I've got a grudge against myself. What happened next?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I stayed at the farmhouse. I slept badly because of insufficient blankets. Twice during the night I sneezed. Now, let me see. Was there anything else?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yes, the rooster said. Gesundheit. Lucy, this situation isn't as amusing as you think it is. If you had the sense to see it, you'd know that our marriage is teetering on the edge of a cliff while you're trying to be funny. I guess our marriage doesn't mean anything to you. Maybe you have no son of it left for me. Look at this on the table. A letter I wrote you from Florida. You didn't even open it.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I. I'm sure you wrote the letter, darling. But are you sure you mailed it? Wasn't it some friend of yours in Miami?

[Jerry Warriner]

What are you talking about?

[Lucy Warriner]

Darling, I don't like to be unpleasant, but you weren't in Florida.

[Jerry Warriner]

Don't change the subject. At least not in that direction.

[Lucy Warriner]

You weren't in Florida and you weren't in Montreal that time you said you were going there once. You even had the letters mailed from the wrong place. Dear Lucy, Charleston is such a quaint city. If you were in Charleston, how come you mailed this letter from Perth Amboyne, New Jersey?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I always take a walk before breakfast. But you can't justify your behavior by insinuating things about me.

[Lucy Warriner]

But I haven't any behavior.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hanging out at the pool is great. Relaxing and playing Vegas style games on my phone at the same time. Drink in one hand and a blackjack in the other. It's all at spinquest. Over a thousand games, including your favorite slots and table games. Be cool. With this summer special, new players get 30 coin packs for [e-mail] Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We all do it. You have a night for yourself, but

[Jerry Warriner]

don't like the sound of the silence.

[Narrator/Announcer]

So. So you turn on the TV just for the ambiance.

[Jerry Warriner]

It's a little trick that helps you

[Narrator/Announcer]

feel like you've got company and aren't alone.

[Jerry Warriner]

And other insurers, well, they may make

[Lucy Warriner]

you feel a low. But when you switch to geico, you've

[Narrator/Announcer]

got claims reps available around the clock. So whenever you need, you'll have people around to help.

[Lucy Warriner]

And let's turn on the washing machine

[Jerry Warriner]

just for good measure.

[Lucy Warriner]

Isn't that soothing?

[Jerry Warriner]

It feels good to have support. It feels good to GEICO to justify.

[Lucy Warriner]

I've just been unlucky, that's all. You came home and caught me in the truth. And, well, it seems there's nothing less logical than the truth.

[Jerry Warriner]

Or philosopher, eh?

[Lucy Warriner]

You don't believe me?

[Jerry Warriner]

How can I believe you?

[Lucy Warriner]

Listen, Jerry, don't you see that there can't be any doubt in marriage? The whole thing is built on faith. And, well, if you've lost that, you've lost everything.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, and I suppose when that's gone, the marriage is washed up, isn't it?

[Lucy Warriner]

You mean that?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sure.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I guess that settles it.

[Jerry Warriner]

I guess it does. And let me tell you something.

[Lucy Warriner]

Let me tell you something. I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on, divorce me. You're no bargain, even if I did meet you in a dollar day.

[Jerry Warriner]

Divorce you? Are you crazy? Do you think I want people to think you preferred that. That eight bar rest to me?

[Lucy Warriner]

All right, then, I'll divorce you. That's customary. Anyway, it has something to do with the husband being a gentleman.

[Jerry Warriner]

Never mind the gentleman stuff. Just get going on.

[Lucy Warriner]

Fine. I'll call a lawyer right away. And by the way, darling, what's the most convenient day for you to be divorced?

[Jerry Warriner]

And in the case of Warner vs Warner, the court grants an interlocutory decree of divorce to the plaintiff, Lucy Warner. Divorce, if not further contested, will become final in 90 days from this date. That'll be all. One moment, your honor. There's one matter still unsettled. According to my client, Mr. Warriner, it's the matter of. It's the matter of Mr. Smith.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes, your honor. Mr. Smith.

[Jerry Warriner]

And who is Mr. Smith? M. Mr. Smith is. He's their dog. Mr. Smith is my dog.

[Lucy Warriner]

He's mine.

[Jerry Warriner]

He is not.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Silence.

[Jerry Warriner]

But Mr. Smith belongs to me, and she's got him. I told you to keep quiet.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, ignore him, your honor. I told you he was impossible to get along with.

[Jerry Warriner]

Don't listen to Mrs. Warner. The dog is mine. I bought a license for each of them. Quiet. Let's have the facts. Now, the animal at present is in Mrs. Warren's possession. Mr. Warriner wishes to have him because. Because he's mine.

[Lucy Warriner]

He is not.

[Jerry Warriner]

He is so.

[Lucy Warriner]

He is not.

[Jerry Warriner]

He is so. This seems to be a custody case. In custody cases, we frequently permit the final decision to rest with the. The dog. Yeah, but suppose he wants to live with both of us? Which end will I get? As if I didn't know.

[Lucy Warriner]

Silence.

[Jerry Warriner]

Bailiff, have the dog brought in. The custody of the dog will depend upon his own desires. And let me warn you, neither of you must use any false means of influencing the animal'. Unfasten the dog, please. Now, you each call the dog. Come on, fell.

[Lucy Warriner]

Come on, Mrs. Come to me. Come to mama. Here's mama. Come to papa. You know who's good for you, don't you? Mr. Smith came to me, your honor.

[Jerry Warriner]

Custody of the dog is awarded to Mrs. Warner.

[Lucy Warriner]

What?

[Jerry Warriner]

Wait a minute. I object. That dog is you. He's suffering from amnesia.

[Lucy Warriner]

Silence.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Cautious.

[Jerry Warriner]

Adjourned.

[Lucy Warriner]

Good day, your honor.

[Jerry Warriner]

You. Wait a minute. Come back here, you.

[Lucy Warriner]

You mean me?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah. What's that Mr. Smith has in his mouth?

[Lucy Warriner]

Why, it looks like a rubber bone, doesn't it?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, it ain't no upper plate. Where'd he get it?

[Lucy Warriner]

I always knew it was his favorite phone.

[Jerry Warriner]

Where'd he get it?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, how would I know?

[Jerry Warriner]

You'd stoop to anything. You had that bone under your handbag. Mr. Smith smelled it and came in on the beam. You think you're gonna get away from like me like that?

[Lucy Warriner]

Get him. I've got him, darling. Bye. Rain. Rain, Rain. Look at that rain. Why, Aunt Patsy, is it doing anything besides falling? I don't think so. Nothing unusual ever happens around here. If I'd known we were going to be buried side by side, I'd never have consented to take an apartment with you. But I needed you, Aunt Patsy. You know the period of readjustment that comes in the wake of a divorce? Readjustment, my foot. That's just another word for moping around. Oh, don't be silly, Patsy. Why, you know dozens of men who turn handsprings at the chance to take you out. But no, you'd rather sit around and readjust yourself. Oh, you're just an old grouch, that's all. Yeah, well, this old grouch wants to go somewhere where there's life. And I don't mean plant life. Well, we can't go out without escorts, so that's that. Lucy, I don't need an escort to go down to the lobby. I'm going down to the newsstand and see Joe. He may be funny looking, but he's a man. Maybe he knocks off early. Patsy, you wouldn't. I wouldn't, eh? You're talking to a desperate woman.

[Jerry Warriner]

Unfortunately.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I guess I've read pretty nearly everything here, Joe.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, ma'.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Am.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hmm. And I'm so bored. It's too bad they stopped printing zippy stories.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Jerry Warriner]

That's what my wife says.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I. Well, that settles that.

[Jerry Warriner]

Pardon me, but did that copy come

[Narrator/Announcer]

in at the Tulsa, Oklahoma bugle?

[Jerry Warriner]

Sorry.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sorry, Mr. Leeson.

[Jerry Warriner]

I guess maybe there's something wrong with the mails. Oh, that's too bad.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Shucks, looks like I won't find out

[Jerry Warriner]

how we did at the rodeo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How do, ma'? Am?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, how do you do?

[Jerry Warriner]

Hope you don't think I'm fresh, ma'. Am.

[Narrator/Announcer]

My name's dan Leeson, room 1214. Me and my ma see you coming in and going out sometime.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, we've noticed you, too.

[Jerry Warriner]

No fooling.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, say, who's that beautiful girl who's with you sometimes? She has a dog and, well, she's beautiful.

[Lucy Warriner]

That's my niece, Lucy. She's just a little homebody.

[Narrator/Announcer]

No. Say, I wonder if you'd do me a favor.

[Lucy Warriner]

Why, of course I would, Mr. Leeson. What is it?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I'm a stranger in town, and me and Mama don't know any.

[Lucy Warriner]

Go right in, Mr. Leeson.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thanks very much.

[Lucy Warriner]

I think it's just wonderful that we met this way. Oh, Lucy, May I present Mr. Leon? Mr. Mr. Leon, this is my niece you were so anxious to meet. Her name is Lucy Warrener. How do you do?

[Narrator/Announcer]

How do you do, ma'? Am?

[Lucy Warriner]

Mr. Leon's from Oklahoma, Lucy. And he'd take it as being right neighborly of us if we'd show him some of the bright spots. Well, it's. It's raining rather hard. Mr. Leon lives right across the hall with his mother. Isn't that what you said? With your mother?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah, with my.

[Lucy Warriner]

More.

[Jerry Warriner]

We're here on a Visit.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I got 30 oil wells out near Tulsa.

[Lucy Warriner]

Mmm. How lubricating. Please tell us about Oklahoma, Ms. Lisa.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, we all think Oklahoma's pretty darn swell. We think.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, there's the door. I'll get it. Yes, Mr. Leeson.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Like I was saying, Oklahoma, it's pretty darn swell.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello, Aunt Patsy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, how's the old girl? Still hitting the adrenaline? Tell me how you stand in the rainy weather.

[Lucy Warriner]

Uh huh. We never let an occasional drip bother us. Come right in.

[Jerry Warriner]

Thanks, Patsy. Where's Lucy? Oh, you've got company, huh? Well, well. Hello, Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello. What do you want?

[Jerry Warriner]

I just read this little legal document. I guess it'll explain things better than I could.

[Lucy Warriner]

What's this?

[Jerry Warriner]

It's a writ, that's what it is. The court just ruled that I'm allowed to borrow my dog anytime I want. It's sort of a lend leash bill. The order reads that I can visit with him and entertain him in any form or manner that does not endanger life or limb.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, so now I suppose you've come to take him bicycling.

[Jerry Warriner]

No, I've tried that. His paws don't reach the pedals. Hey, Smitty, where are you? Where are you, Smitty? Come to papa, Smitty.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'll go get him for you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ms. Warner.

[Jerry Warriner]

Maybe I better leave.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Leeson. This. This is my husband.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, I mean.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, well, he's only my husband for. How much longer is it? 60 days?

[Jerry Warriner]

59. How are you, Mr. Leeson? Howdy.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm glad to know you.

[Jerry Warriner]

Excuse me. What'd you say? I said I'm glad to know you. Well, how can you be glad to know me? I. I know how I'd feel if I was sitting with a girl and her husband walked in.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'll bet you do it.

[Jerry Warriner]

What's that supposed to mean?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

[Jerry Warriner]

Anyway, I'm glad to see you, Mr. Leon. You known Lucy very long?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Lucy?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, Lucy, my wife.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, no. As a matter of fact, I'm a stranger here. I'm from Oklahoma.

[Jerry Warriner]

No, that's right. I'm an oil. What's that? I said I'm an oil. Oh, marinated, eh?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well,

[Jerry Warriner]

I thought so.

[Lucy Warriner]

Dairy. Jerry, why don't you go play with the dog?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, sure. Where is he? Hey, Mr. Smith. See his master's voice. Gee, old fella, it's good to see you.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, stop licking his face, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Look what I brought you. Your old leather strap. Come on, old fella, let's have a tug of war.

[Lucy Warriner]

You were different about Oklahoma, Mr. Warner.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Boy.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I'm really a man of many interests. Out there, Mrs. Warner. Oil is my main business, of course, and I can't complain about that. It's treated me fine. Then I have a big ranch, more of a hobby.

[Lucy Warriner]

The laugh, Jerry. Oh, how did that happen?

[Jerry Warriner]

It was Smitty. He was playing yo yo with a cat.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, how could that possibly be?

[Jerry Warriner]

Long Tail.

[Lucy Warriner]

Please go on.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, this ranch is just outside of Tulsa. I have just about everything there.

[Lucy Warriner]

Good heavens, Jerry, did you drop your teeth again? No. Do we have to play that game?

[Jerry Warriner]

Know any other ones?

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes. Get his rubber bone for him. He loves that bone.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah, I remember.

[Jerry Warriner]

Where is it?

[Lucy Warriner]

In the closet, right there. In here? That's right.

[Jerry Warriner]

I can't find it.

[Lucy Warriner]

Just keep looking.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hey, what is this? You locked the door on me.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hey, let me out. Aunt Patsy, what are you doing? Lucy, dear, why don't you run along with Mr. Leeson?

[Jerry Warriner]

Patsy, let me out of here. I'm locked in. Say, is anything wrong?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, no, no. That's just a game Mr. Warren has with the dog.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, I want to get out of here.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, dear. Come on, Mr. D, let's go. Well, good night, Aunt Patsy. I hope you know what you're doing. Good night, dear.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'll break the sword out if you

[Lucy Warriner]

don't let me out of here. I'll. Just a minute. Just a minute. Come out, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Frame. That's what I am. Frame. Where'd she go?

[Lucy Warriner]

Who?

[Jerry Warriner]

I know what's going on. Patsy, you're trying to cook up something between my wife and that marinated herring and it ain't chowder.

[Lucy Warriner]

Your wife?

[Jerry Warriner]

She's still my wife for 60 days.

[Lucy Warriner]

59.

[Jerry Warriner]

All right, 59. But she's still my wife. Do you understand?

[Lucy Warriner]

And what are you going to do about it?

[Jerry Warriner]

You'll find out what I'm gonna do. Stick around and watch. I've got some rights around here.

[Lucy Warriner]

Of course, Jerry, to entertain Mr. Smith in any form or manner.

[Jerry Warriner]

Boy, they sure misnamed you Patsy. They should have called you Pots. Foreign,

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mr. DeMille. And our stars, Bob Hope, Constance Bennett and Ralph Bellamy will bring us Act 2 of the awful Truth.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hey, everybody, Lady Luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now, all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com, which is an American owned social casino.

[Jerry Warriner]

It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps.

[Lucy Warriner]

Head on over to spinquest.com. get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Jerry Warriner]

Spin Quest is a free to play social Casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. When I scraped my car in that parking garage, I was worried that it could be a long process to take care of it. Like a landscaper's first day trimming a hedge maze. I have definitely already been here. Now, was it left, right or right left. Well, maybe I'll cut a path out

[Narrator/Announcer]

and find my way back later.

[Jerry Warriner]

But it wasn't like that. I filed a claim in under two minutes on the Geico app and they handled it from there. It was taken care of almost as quickly as it happened. It feels good to get help quick. It feels good to Geico.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Meantime, let's reenact a little scene that took place in a big office just after lunch the other day.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello, Sue. Well, what's got you looking so starry eyed? Boyfriend take you to lunch? Mabel, who do you think was in the elevator when I went down to lunch? Madeleine Carroll. Really? No kidding. I heard she was in town last. I was standing right next to her. She got on at the eighth floor with a couple of very important looking men. And Mabel, she was dressed just as plain as you or I. I mean, she had on a tailored suit and a little felt hat. Oh, but Mabel, I'm telling you, she certainly has got glamour. Is she as good looking right close as she is on the screen? I got a wonderful chance to see standing so close, real blonde hair, big blue eyes. And Mabel, what a complexion.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Smooth.

[Lucy Warriner]

And I mean smooth. Mabel, you know what I'm gonna do tonight on the way home? What? Get some luxe soap. Madeleine Carroll always uses it, you know. And from now on, I'm not missing a single day on my luxe soap.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And I don't mean maybe smart young Sue. It's a fact, you know, that Madeleine Carroll, like nine out of 10 other Hollywood stars, cares for that exquisite complexion of hers with regular use of gentle white luxe toilet soap. In her own words, this is what she says.

[Lucy Warriner]

Complexion beauty should be cherished. I found the right care for my skin. Active lather facials with luxe soap really work for me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And if you were to ask Madeline Carroll how to take a Lux soap active lather facial, here's what she'd tell you. Pat the Lux soap lather lightly into your skin. Rinse with warm water, then with cool pat dry with a soft towel. Now see how fresh your skin looks. There is a simple, inexpensive beauty routine any woman can follow and write in her own home. It takes just a few minutes, you know. So why don't you try These luxe soap facials for 30 days. Just see if this gentle care doesn't leave your skin feeling smoother, softer. Remember a soap used by famous screen stars, the world's loveliest women. Just has to be something special. So get three cakes of luxe toilet soap tomorrow. Now, our producer, Mr. DeMille. Act two of the awful Truth. Starring Bob Hope as Jerry Warriner, Constance Bennett as Lucy and Ralph Bellamy as Dan. It's morning, a few weeks after Jerry's hectic visit. Across the breakfast table in their lonely apartment, Aunt Patsy's looking at her niece with an expression of growing horror.

[Lucy Warriner]

What did you say, Lucy? I said, of course I like Dan Neeson. Why shouldn't I? He's sweet and thoughtful. Well, you should be the last one to object. You introduced me to him, after all. Only because he was a man who could take us out. I didn't expect you to get silly about him. Is it silly to like a man who's sane and considerate? I was married to one of those gay romantic types, and one is enough. Your toast is burning. Lucy, do you know what rebound is? That business of trying to get over one love affair by bouncing into love with somebody else. It's fine, except the rebound is rarely the real thing. There's the first bounce, the second bounce and, well, look at me. You wind up like an old tennis ball. I tell you, I'm serious about Dan Leeson. He's a fine person. I like him very much, and I'm all through with Jerry. He doesn't mean a thing to me. Not a thing. I don't love him. And what's more, I probably never did. I guess that surprises you, doesn't it? I hate Jerry Warner. And I like Dan Leeson very, very much. I can hardly wait to see him tonight. And I hope he's just as mad about me because I think he's the finest man I've ever met. Lucy, I know my toast is burning. Honest to goodness, Mr. Warner, I think he's simply wonderful. If you just to hear me sing.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yes, I could listen to you sing till the cows come home. What time do they usually get here?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, Mr. Warner, you're awful sweet and all that, but you always seem to have your mind on something else. Or maybe it's someone else. Am I right, sugar pie?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yes. I'm in love with love. In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to what he's been thinking about all winter. How long have you been talking like Amos Nandy?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, a long time. It helps Me? In my work? Well, shut my mouth.

[Jerry Warriner]

You shut it. You're nearer to it than I am.

[Lucy Warriner]

Mr. Warner, who's that gorgeous creature just coming in?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Where?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, that creature. Well, you've heard that gag that's flying around town. Who was that lady I saw you with?

[Lucy Warriner]

You mean that's no lady. That's your wife?

[Jerry Warriner]

Uh huh. That's my wife.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I guess this is our table over here. Lucy, sit down.

[Jerry Warriner]

Come on over and meet my better half before the odds drop. Hello, folks.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, Hello.

[Jerry Warriner]

This is Ms. Dixie Belle, this is Mrs. Warner, and this is Mr. Leeson from Tulsa. Flowing gold Leeson. He's a big oil man.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, an oil man? Crude.

[Jerry Warriner]

I wouldn't know. Ask my wife.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'd be proud to meet you all.

[Jerry Warriner]

Now, you're sure we're not intruding, huh?

[Narrator/Announcer]

What do you mean?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, wouldn't you like us to have a drink? Why, thanks, Dan. I will.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why, yes, of course.

[Jerry Warriner]

Sit down, Dixie. Well, now, isn't this cozy? So you two are going to be married, eh, Lucy? Well, I always approve of marriage. I think it's a wonderful way to spend a few weeks. And I was glad when I heard about it. I said to myself, that Leeson's just the man for Lucy. And then I said to myself, you're nuts.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, pay no attention to him. He's always talking to himself. This is a charming place, don't you think, Miss Dixie Belle Lee? Do you like it, honey? I'm so glad, because I kind of feel the place is mine. Oh, do you come here often? Oh, I work here. Didn't you all know that? No.

[Jerry Warriner]

Say, you're from the south, aren't you?

[Lucy Warriner]

Now, isn't he just the cleverest yet? How'd you all ever guess that Mr. Man?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, he's pretty fast in his feet, this fella. But you see, folks, Dixie Belle isn't her real name.

[Lucy Warriner]

No, no, no.

[Jerry Warriner]

She changed it because her family objected to her going into show business. You see, it was quite a shock to them because they made all their money tilting pinball machines. Isn't that right, Dixie?

[Lucy Warriner]

That's right. Well, I guess I better go now and get into my costume. Reckon y' all can stay to see my ass. Of course we'll stay.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Nothing could drag us away.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, see you later, sugar pie.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'll be here. Sponge cake.

[Lucy Warriner]

She. She seems like quite a nice girl,

[Jerry Warriner]

J. Oh, she is. But wait till you hear her sing. A Golden Throat, that's what. I keep coming here all the time just to listen to her.

[Lucy Warriner]

How Face.

[Jerry Warriner]

Does she really sing awful good? Well, I don't think her singing's up to Lucy's, but Dixie has a sort of elfin charm. A je ne sais quoi, if you know what I mean. And I don't.

[Lucy Warriner]

Dan, dear, don't. Don't you think you ought to ask Jerry about it now?

[Narrator/Announcer]

About what?

[Lucy Warriner]

About our mine, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

What mine?

[Lucy Warriner]

Our mine. You know, our coal mine. It's our last high, Jerry. And, well, I was telling Mr. Leeson how badly it was doing, and he thought maybe he could do better with it.

[Jerry Warriner]

That's right. I'd like to gamble on it, Mr. Warren.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm pretty lucky.

[Jerry Warriner]

Know what they call me out West? Yeah. Is that why you came east? Say, how about us having a conference

[Narrator/Announcer]

at my apartment tomorrow?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I. I don't know. I'll have to think about it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's with great pleasure that I present that great and loudest Ms. Citadelli. Here it is.

[Lucy Warriner]

There she comes.

[Jerry Warriner]

Isn't she pretty? She sure is.

[Lucy Warriner]

The costume's a little short, isn't it?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, it's a Southern costume short of a lily cup with a bustle. Listen to this. This is great.

[Lucy Warriner]

That's what you mean by Elson Charles?

[Jerry Warriner]

Sure. Not bad, eh? Say, she go break. No Oklahoma. Swing it, miss. Yippee.

[Lucy Warriner]

Dan, I don't feel very well.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What's the trouble, Lucy?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, Dan, take me home.

[Jerry Warriner]

But, Lucy, we can't walk out in the middle of Ms. Lee singing. Don't you like her, Lucy?

[Lucy Warriner]

No, I just love her. I can see where it was a lot easier for her to change her name than for her whole family to change theirs. Come on, Dan.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, if you want to.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Lucy, don't forget tomorrow afternoon to my father, Mr. Warner, about those mines.

[Jerry Warriner]

I always wanted to be a miner. I'll be there, Brother minor. Keep a light burning in your hat. I want to hear all about this mine. Well, I've got all the records and history with me. By the way, Lucy, I searched all over for the report McCall made before we bought it, but I couldn't find it. You must have it.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, perhaps I have.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, when you get a chance, take a look through your stocking drawer. You know, Dan, she always hides important things in the top drawer of her dresser. She does? Oh, sure. That's an old habit of hers. Every. Every legal paper we ever had smelled of sachet. Even our marriage certificate smelled very.

[Lucy Warriner]

About the mine.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, yes, the mine. Now, here's the prospectus.

[Lucy Warriner]

Good afternoon.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, come on in, Ma. Come in.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello, Mrs. Leeson. Good afternoon, Luther.

[Jerry Warriner]

Guess you don't know this fella here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

He's Jerry Warren or more.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello, Warner.

[Lucy Warriner]

You mean that. That. That he is.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, that's right, Ma.

[Jerry Warriner]

He's the one. Well,

[Lucy Warriner]

very funny seeing you here, Mr. Warriner.

[Jerry Warriner]

Is it? Well, it's funny seeing you anywhere.

[Lucy Warriner]

I met some people today and they spoke about you. And it's about Lucy. They knew you both before the divorce.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, I imagine you'll run into scads of people who did.

[Lucy Warriner]

They spoke very well of you, Mr. Warner. They said you were a real gentleman.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, you can't please everybody.

[Lucy Warriner]

They talked about Lucy, too. It's good not to be forgotten by your old friends. You know, Lucy, as many times as I've heard your fine singing, I never realized that you must have had a teacher. They tell me he's been teaching you for some time. And he's a very romantic type. The woman I was talking to told me that. Well, no matter.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What's that now?

[Jerry Warriner]

Look at this map, Leeson. You see, there's a new opening in the northern side. Here, I'll show you the prospectus.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, I think I ought to tell you that nobody's listening to you.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, for me, that's a large audience. But what could possibly be more interesting than the Warner mine?

[Lucy Warriner]

The war in a divorce. The gal's name needs clearing.

[Jerry Warriner]

Pardner, that's ridiculous. Is it really, Mrs. Leeson? Our divorce is one of those tragedies you read about in the newspapers. A trusting woman and a worthless man. Lucy is above suspicion and always has been. She is as pure as the driven snow and as faithful as she is fair. I tell you, something wonderful went out of my life when I lost her. It's an awful feeling. It's like not being home when the pot of gold calls.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why, I know just how you feel, Mr. Warner.

[Jerry Warriner]

How do you know? How can you know how I feel to have used up the best years of a woman's life? Well, folks, that's the way it goes. I'll be leaving now. Excuse me, ma'. Am. You're sitting on my prospectus.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, sorry.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'll be going now. Take good care of her, Dan, won't you? I'm sure you'll be happy out where the west begins. All three of you. Goodbye, now, and give my regards to the Lone Ranger. Hello.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hey, everybody. Lady Luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250Fiftieth birthday. Now, all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino.

[Jerry Warriner]

It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself

[Lucy Warriner]

a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Jerry Warriner]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. When I scraped my car in that parking garage, I was worried that it could be a long process to take care of it. Like a landscaper's first day trimming a hedge maze. I have definitely already been here. Now, is it left, right or right left. Well, maybe I'll cut a path out

[Narrator/Announcer]

and find my way back later.

[Jerry Warriner]

But it wasn't like that. I filed a claim in under two minutes on the Geico app and they handled it from there. It was taken care of almost as quickly as it happened. It feels good to get help quick. It feels good to Geico. Hello, Lucy?

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes.

[Jerry Warriner]

Lucy, this is Jerry. I've got to see you tonight.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'm sorry, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Listen, Lucy, it's important. We've had enough of this foolishness. I want to talk things over.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, you do? Well, not tonight, Jerry. I'm going to a recital at Armand Laval.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I don't. What? Oh, Laval again, eh? Well, you're not going.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'm sorry, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Listen, you're still my wife. If I find you with that Laval bird, I'll tear him limb from limb. Do you hear?

[Lucy Warriner]

I hear. Goodbye, Jerry. I'm late for the recital already.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello? Hello? Hello, Operator, return my slug. Oh, good evening. Good evening. I want to see Mr. Armand Lavelle.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Recital going on. Is my wife in there? Oh, a plenty people I don't know. Well, let me go see. Oh, oh, oh, no, sorry, sorry, you cannot go in. Listen, who are you to tell me where I can go? I'm Mr. Laval. Filipino boy. Yeah, we'll stand back. No, no, no, no.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'll stop you.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, you will, eh?

[Lucy Warriner]

How?

[Jerry Warriner]

You go push past me. I take your hand like this. Yeah, and then what? I go like this.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh,

[Jerry Warriner]

well, don't stand there. Look around for my right leg.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, sorry, I not mean to hurt. Listen, I'm going in there, see? I know a few jujitsu tricks of my own. Oh, is that so? Yeah, I put my hand like this, see? And then I do like this. No, no, no, no, like this. Much better. Oh, you see, I win again. Yeah, when you haven't seen the last of me. I'll be back and give you what you Deserve as soon as I can get my hip back inside.

[Lucy Warriner]

All I want to know is what has Armand Laval got to do with this? Why is he coming here? Because I sent for him. You said that. I still say why. He ruined your last happy home. He'll bust the Oklahoma deal wide open. That's just it. There isn't going to be any Oklahoma Deal. Huh? I'm not going to marry Dan Leeson. Why not? Because I'm. I'm still in love with that crazy lunatic Jerry Warren, and there's nothing I can do about it. There's. I'm a gibbering idiot. I'm a mad woman. Patsy, stop it. There he is now. Oh, good evening, Elmo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good evening, Lucy. I got your call. What is the trouble?

[Lucy Warriner]

Look amo. Sit down. It's about Jerry.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, your husband. He's a very funny man.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes, yes, he is. But I'm convinced he still cares about me or he wouldn't do the funny things he does.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, but he does not care much about me.

[Lucy Warriner]

No, no, he doesn't. And that's just what I'm getting at. You know, everything was all right that night. I want you to convince him that everything was just as we said it was.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I will be glad to. Does he carry a gun?

[Lucy Warriner]

You're not afraid of him?

[Jerry Warriner]

Of course not, but you know husbands.

[Lucy Warriner]

Then. Then you'll do it as soon as possible, won't you? And he mustn't know that I've had anything to do with it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Very well.

[Lucy Warriner]

As soon as possible.

[Jerry Warriner]

Open up. It's my day to see Mr. Smith.

[Lucy Warriner]

It's Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, but this is much too soon.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes, isn't it? Well. Well, do something.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What shall I do?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, you just can't stand there. Go on in the other room. Hurry and. And don't come out.

[Jerry Warriner]

I do not care for this.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, let him in, Aunt Patsy. Oh, dear. You said it.

[Jerry Warriner]

Greetings, Patsy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, hello.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello, Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello.

[Jerry Warriner]

What's the matter?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, nothing. Well, I guess you two want to be alone. No. Patience. Whip up a little omelette in the kitchen.

[Jerry Warriner]

Smart girl, your Aunt Patsy. I did want to be alone.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, yes.

[Jerry Warriner]

Look, Lucy, let's get right down to it. I've been a SAP.

[Lucy Warriner]

Have you?

[Jerry Warriner]

I just said so. About this whole business. I got so jealous that, well, I. I saw red. But it's all blue now. Get it?

[Lucy Warriner]

Black and blue, isn't it?

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah. Lucy, I want to apologize. I know that SAP Laval couldn't have meant anything to you. Guys like him just make me murderous. I just. Well, I just want to say I'm sorry for everything.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, yes, and what about this Barbara Vance girl you've been running around with, huh? That's society blue blood. The morning paper said you were going to marry her.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, that's nothing, amis princess.

[Lucy Warriner]

Never mind explaining. Let's meet later and talk it over. Goodbye, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, but I just.

[Lucy Warriner]

Here's your hat. Goodbye, Jerry. Yeah, but I. I'll call you later. Goodbye.

[Jerry Warriner]

Say, are you trying to get rid of me?

[Lucy Warriner]

Of course not. Why should I try to get rid of you? Here's your hat.

[Jerry Warriner]

My hat? That isn't my hat.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, no. Isn't it?

[Jerry Warriner]

No.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Look.

[Jerry Warriner]

Comes down over my ears.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, isn't that funny? Did you get a haircut?

[Jerry Warriner]

Maybe not since I came in here, but I think I'm getting a clipping now. Take a look at it. Doesn't look funny to you?

[Lucy Warriner]

Yeah, it just does look a little roomy. But maybe they're wearing them that way this year.

[Jerry Warriner]

No, I don't think so. Not as big as this. My chin is resting in the sweatband.

[Lucy Warriner]

Aunt Patsy, the bell.

[Jerry Warriner]

All right, look, if you've got company.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, it's nobody. Just Dan Leeson.

[Jerry Warriner]

Probably Leeson. Well, I don't want him to see me here. I've caused you enough trouble. I'll just duck in the other room.

[Lucy Warriner]

No, no, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, but I want you to be happy, Lucy. I'll wait in there till I've gone.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, listen. Wait.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, hello, Miss Adams.

[Lucy Warriner]

It's Mr. Leeson and his mother, Lucy.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello, Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Lucy, dear, I've come to tell you something. Oh, hello. Hello.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We've come to tell you. Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes? Well, what have you come to tell me? I want to apologize for those awful things I accused you of, Lucy. Yes, go on. What's that? I think somebody's cleaning up in the other room. Lucy, I don't want you to be angry with me for repeating what that awful woman said about your divorce. Oh, of course not. I'm not. What nonsense. What is that?

[Jerry Warriner]

Leave me alone.

[Lucy Warriner]

Don't kill me.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'll break your neck. I'll tear you apart. Don't kill me.

[Lucy Warriner]

Don't kill me.

[Jerry Warriner]

You hide her behind closed doors, I'll break every bone in your body.

[Lucy Warriner]

Don't forget to touch second boys.

[Jerry Warriner]

Who.

[Lucy Warriner]

Who is that? Is that. Is that Mr. Warriner? Yes, he just dropped in. Dan. Dan, I think we'd better go. Two men hiding in the other room.

[Jerry Warriner]

Just a minute. Well, Mrs. Warriner, I guess a man's best friend is his mother. I certainly learned about women from you. Come on, Ma.

[Lucy Warriner]

Wait a minute. You can't fire us. We quit.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'll teach you, you little mouse. No.

[Lucy Warriner]

Let me go. Jerry. Let him alone.

[Jerry Warriner]

Stand still and fight. Be careful now.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry. Stop it.

[Jerry Warriner]

You break her up of Holmes. I'll kill you.

[Lucy Warriner]

Let's go.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'm teach you once and for all. I'm sorry to do this, Mr. Warrender. You're sorry to do what, you little rat? This Ow. My Filipino boy taught me Jiu Jitsu. Madame Lazanga told me there'd be nights like this. After a short intermission, Mr. DeMille and

[Narrator/Announcer]

our Bob Hope, Constance Bennett and Ralph Delamere will bring you act three of the Awful Truth. Meanwhile, let's listen to how a near crisis was averted in the Davis family the other evening. Just time for a shower before dinner. Hey, Mary, I can't use this sissy

[Jerry Warriner]

stuff you got in here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Where's some of that luxe soap?

[Jerry Warriner]

I want some real lather.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, you could, dear. I forgot to take that awful stuff out of the bathroom. It's some soap I wanted bridge. I thought I ought to use up. Here's what you want. A nice new cake of Lux soap.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, it is an awful letdown to bathroom veritones when they find that someone has spirited away their luxe soap. Because luxe toilet soap makes a wonderful bath soap. It gives rich, luxurious lather in a jiffy. Active lather that quickly removes perspiration. Every trace of dust and dirt and leaves you feeling like a million. Now, a man might not admit it, but he's likely to be just as fussy as a woman about the soap he uses. You can count on it. The man of your family yearns for a good firm cake of soap that gives quick, abundant lather even in hard water. And you won't disappoint him if you always have plenty of luxe toilet soap in the bathroom. Fortunately, you can let the whole family enjoy this luxurious soap and still be economical. Lux soap costs only a few cents a cake, you know. And here's another important thing you'll notice. Luxe toilet soap is hard milled. Can be used right down to the last thin sliver. It's really thrifty. So give your family this soap. That's as fine as money can buy. Get a supply of luxe toilet soap tomorrow. We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. The curtain rises on the third act of the Awful Truth. Two weeks have gone by and the divorce is almost final. Jerry is now determined to marry the society heiress. And Lucy is just as determined to prevent it. In Jerry's apartment, she stands facing him, smiling coyly.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello, Jerry.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello.

[Jerry Warriner]

What do you want here?

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I. I just thought I'd. You know what today is, don't you?

[Jerry Warriner]

Certainly. Our divorce becomes final tonight at 12 o'.

[Lucy Warriner]

Clock.

[Jerry Warriner]

And tomorrow we'll both be back in circulation.

[Lucy Warriner]

That's right. So? So I just thought I'd drop up to wish you a lot of luck.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, that's very nice of you, but I'm just on my way out.

[Lucy Warriner]

Where to?

[Jerry Warriner]

If you must know, I'm on my way out to a pre engagement dinner for me and Barbara at the Vance.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, you can't.

[Jerry Warriner]

Why not? I'm hungry.

[Lucy Warriner]

You can't because you love me.

[Jerry Warriner]

Of course I loved you.

[Lucy Warriner]

I said love, not loved. Oh, you're so stubborn. You're throwing away our happiness.

[Jerry Warriner]

Barbara's a fine girl. We'll get along swell together.

[Lucy Warriner]

That isn't necessarily happiness, Jerry. You and I fight and we disagree on every subject under the sun. But we were happy.

[Jerry Warriner]

I was happy with you. Yes, but Armand and I are incompatible.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, for heaven's sake, you can't go through with this. You'll be miserable. Oh, you dope. Why can't you understand?

[Jerry Warriner]

Will you please stop? Lucy, where's your Dan Leeson? Why don't you go back to that fugitive from Boomtown?

[Lucy Warriner]

I'll make it.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, no, you won't. This is my house. And get out of the booth.

[Lucy Warriner]

I've got it. Hello? Hello? Oh, hello. Well, who is this, may I ask?

[Jerry Warriner]

Give me that phone.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, I. I think it's. What's her name?

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello?

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello?

[Jerry Warriner]

You have to answer my telephone.

[Lucy Warriner]

I only said hello.

[Jerry Warriner]

Shut up. Now what am I gonna tell her?

[Lucy Warriner]

Tell her. Tell her to call you back.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah. Oh, shut up.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello?

[Jerry Warriner]

Hello, darling.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, it took you long enough. Have you made up your mind who the woman is?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, that's very funny. I knew you were gonna ask me that.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, so did I.

[Jerry Warriner]

Was she? It's really very simple. That was my. My sister.

[Lucy Warriner]

Really? I didn't know you had a sister.

[Jerry Warriner]

If I could only be drafted right this minute. Oh, sure, honey. She just got back from Chicago. Dropped in to see me, you know how sisterly.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I'd love to meet your sister. Terry, why don't you bring her along tonight?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, no, I don't think she can come over this evening. She has a previous engagement.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, naturally she's very Anxious to meet you too, dear.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes. Tell her I'd love to meet her. Tell her to wear boxing gloves.

[Jerry Warriner]

Shut up, Barbara. I'll do my best to fix it up so the two of you will meet very soon. Goodbye.

[Lucy Warriner]

Goodbye, dear. Hurry over.

[Jerry Warriner]

I will now. I'm in a fine fix. She wants to meet my sister. Well, you're a big help. If I had a sister like you, I'd have my parents get an injunction.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, you know me. Anything I can do.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, to break it up.

[Lucy Warriner]

I see what you mean.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'm in a fine mess.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Jerry. She trusts you, doesn't she?

[Jerry Warriner]

Of course she does.

[Lucy Warriner]

Sure, sure. But she'll learn. Just give her time.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hanging out at the pool is great. Relaxing and playing Vegas style games on my phone at the same time. Drink in one hand and a blackjack in the other. It's all at Spinquest. Over a thousand games, including your favorite slots and table games. Be cool with this summer special. New players get 30 coin packs for [e-mail] Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We all do it. You have a night for yourself, but don't like the sound of the silence. So you turn on the TV just for the ambiance.

[Jerry Warriner]

It's a little trick that helps you

[Narrator/Announcer]

feel like you've got company and aren't alone.

[Jerry Warriner]

And other insurers, well, they may make

[Lucy Warriner]

you feel alone, but when you switch

[Narrator/Announcer]

to geico, you've got claims reps available around the clock. So whenever you need, you'll have people around to help.

[Lucy Warriner]

And let's turn on the washing machine

[Jerry Warriner]

just for good measure.

[Lucy Warriner]

Isn't that soothing?

[Jerry Warriner]

It feels good to have support. It feels Good to Geico. Sit down, my boy, sit down. Oh, thanks, Mr. Vance.

[Lucy Warriner]

It's too bad your sister couldn't come tonight, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, yes, she was. Terribly sorry, Mrs. Vance. You see, she. She didn't weather the boat trip very well.

[Lucy Warriner]

Boat trip? I thought you said she just came from Chicago.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, the hard way, I mean.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I heard a woman's voice on the phone. Well, you can't blame me for being suspicious, Jerry darling.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, certainly. I mean, of course not.

[Lucy Warriner]

I was thinking, dear. Mother, don't you think it would be nice if I asked Jerry's sister to be a bridesmaid? Oh, Liz. Lovely.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I. I think she's sailing back to Chicago right away. You'd like my sister though, Barbara. She's very much Your type.

[Lucy Warriner]

Where did she go to school?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, she. She did what?

[Lucy Warriner]

I said, where did she go to school?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, in Switzerland.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And you say your father was a Princeton man?

[Jerry Warriner]

That's right. Class of 92. He tells some very funny stories about the place in those days, too. He tells one in particular about a football game. It seems Yale was playing Princeton one day and. I Beg your pardon, Mrs. Vance?

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes, Edwards?

[Jerry Warriner]

Mr. Jerry's sister has arrived.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Huh? Ms. Lulu Warriner.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello. Well, I made a. Jerry this prized.

[Jerry Warriner]

You maniac.

[Lucy Warriner]

What'd you say, dear?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, I just asked how you were feeling.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, fine, fine. I'm feeling fine.

[Jerry Warriner]

Mr. And Mrs. Vance, may I present my sister, Lulu. And what a Lulu.

[Lucy Warriner]

How do you do? It's so lovely to know you, Mrs. Vincey.

[Jerry Warriner]

Vance, dear. Vance.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

[Jerry Warriner]

Barbara, this is Lulu.

[Lucy Warriner]

How do you do? How do you do? You know, it's nice getting a chance to meet you, too. I seen your pictures in the paper and I wondered what you really looked like. Well, I've wondered about you, too. Thank you. Say, did I interrupt something?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I was telling a story about my. About dad.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, you mean Pop. Well, go right ahead, dear.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, thanks. You see, Mr. Vance, it was Yale's ball on Prince's two yard line.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, Mrs. Vance, I don't like to appear rude, but I wonder if I could have a teeny weeny little rinky. I had three or four before I got here. But they're beginning to wear off. You know how that is.

[Jerry Warriner]

Now, wait a minute.

[Lucy Warriner]

Now, don't you look at me like that, Jerry. You know perfectly well that you like a little drink now and then yourself. We call him Jerry the Nipper. He likes to sneak them when nobody's looking. He's awful cute about it, too. I seen him go along all evening just as if he didn't have a thing to drink and all of a sudden fall flat on his puss. Edward, a glass of Sherry for Ms. Warrener, please. Yeah, and come back dancing. Eddie. Say, I. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, honey. What were you saying?

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, well, I was just telling them one of Father's stories.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, well, I wouldn't do that.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I've cleaned it up. But you see, there was. There was a minute to go. Dad had the ball.

[Lucy Warriner]

Ball? What ball?

[Jerry Warriner]

The football.

[Lucy Warriner]

Now, what in the world was dad ever doing with a football?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, I. I was just telling a story about when Father was at Princeton. You remember that?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, gee, of course I remember. Pop loved Princeton. He was there nearly 20 years. If ever a man loved a place, he just did. He adored it. And he sure kept it looking beautiful too. You seen the grounds? Of course. Of course.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'm afraid that my sister has a distorted sense of humor.

[Lucy Warriner]

So have I. You just told us your father played for Princeton.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, you see.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry. Did you say that?

[Jerry Warriner]

Listen, you.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, I guess that's just one of Jerry's stories again. You see, when Jerry and I was kids, we was the worst liars in the neighborhood. We always used to pretend we had rich relatives who were going to die and leave us dough. But I guess it was harmless enough. Everybody knew we was just sort of kidding ourselves.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, let her ramble. My folks were worried about her. At the age of five, she didn't have a forehead.

[Lucy Warriner]

Now me, if you take me, I'm different. It ain't money that counts with me or position in life. It's art. All the time I was working at the Virginia Club. I thought you worked at the Virginia Club. Sure. Didn't Jerry tell you? No, he didn't.

[Jerry Warriner]

No, that's one thing I forgot.

[Lucy Warriner]

You're a singer, Ms. Warrener? Sure, I sing.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Perhaps you'd sing for us now.

[Lucy Warriner]

Sure I would. You own a piano? Right there. Oh, thanks. Where do you put the nickel in? You know, when I was. Say, wait a minute. Don't nobody leave this room. I lost my purse. There's your purse, Ms. Warriner. On the chair. Oh, boy, am I relieved. Jerry, kind of. Keep an eye out on my purse for me, will ya? This woman is positively crude.

[Jerry Warriner]

Yeah, that's what I've been t. Oh, she is, huh? She's crude, huh? Well, maybe it runs in the family, Mr. Warner.

[Lucy Warriner]

My Jerry, what a thing to say.

[Jerry Warriner]

Now, look, sis, we don't have to put on the dog around here. Just be yourself. We're among friends, ain't we, Jerry?

[Lucy Warriner]

What is this?

[Jerry Warriner]

Come on, sis. Let's do that number form. Like old times, eh?

[Lucy Warriner]

Do you sing too? Sure.

[Jerry Warriner]

We used to be in vaudeville together. Ever since we were kids. Vaudeville? Well, we had to have food, Mr. Vance. And in vaudeville, they threw it at us. You remember, sis, When Pop went to prison that time, Mr. Warner?

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry. You mean the first time he went to prison, Jerry?

[Jerry Warriner]

Huh? No, I mean the time he went to visit Mom. But it was no disgrace. She was innocent. I don't believe she ever stuck up that grocery store at all.

[Lucy Warriner]

Of course she didn't. She was innocent.

[Jerry Warriner]

Sure, and so was Grandma. Grandma? Yeah. But her record was against her, and they hung her for spite.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, perhaps you'd better leave.

[Jerry Warriner]

Oh, not until we do our number. Swing it, Lucy. This'll kill you, folks. Thanks, Walton. Ray.

[Lucy Warriner]

I think I've heard enough, Barbara.

[Jerry Warriner]

And so have I. You made me, Mr. Warrener. Funny thing, they say that in every town we play.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, fine family they don't come from. How did I know? Oh, get out.

[Jerry Warriner]

We're leaving.

[Lucy Warriner]

Come on. The lunatic direction.

[Jerry Warriner]

Come on, folks. You're off, man.

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry. Jerry, Aren't you speaking to me?

[Jerry Warriner]

No.

[Lucy Warriner]

That's better. It's wonderful of you to drive me up to Aunt Patsy's cabin after all I've done. I. I'm afraid I caused you a little trouble, didn't I?

[Jerry Warriner]

A little trouble? Tell me, of the seven plagues. What number are you?

[Lucy Warriner]

Jerry, I. I'm sorry, I. Oh, shut up.

[Jerry Warriner]

I'm delivering you over to your Aunt Patsy and then I'm leaving for good.

[Lucy Warriner]

I don't blame you, darling.

[Jerry Warriner]

I really don't.

[Lucy Warriner]

You can leave now, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

I want to see you safely in the door where you can get out of my hair and into your aunt's. If she hasn't hung it up for the night. Missy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hello, Ed.

[Jerry Warriner]

I wasn't expecting anybody tonight. Forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on stage. Spin Quest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love, with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N Q U S T.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. When I scraped my car in that parking garage, I was worried that it could be a long process to take care of it. Like a landscaper's first day trimming a hed. I have definitely already been here. Now, was it left, right or right left? Well, maybe I'll cut a path out

[Narrator/Announcer]

and find my way back later.

[Jerry Warriner]

But it wasn't like that. I filed a claim in under two minutes on the Geico app and they handled it from there. It was taken care of almost as quickly as it happened. It feels good to get help quick. It feels good to Geico.

[Lucy Warriner]

Well, we'll tell Aunt Patsy I'm here.

[Jerry Warriner]

Why, she ain't here, Mrs. Warner. She ain't been here for weeks. Oh, I get it. Another one of your little tricks, eh? You thought you could get me up here on a cold night and Ply me with a hot fireplace. Well, it won't work. I'm going back to town. I'm going alone. Good night and goodbye.

[Lucy Warriner]

Goodbye, Jerry. Be careful driving, dear. Hey, what's the matter?

[Jerry Warriner]

The keys to the car. Where are they?

[Lucy Warriner]

What?

[Jerry Warriner]

The keys to the car. The ignition key. Where is it?

[Lucy Warriner]

I don't know. Did you have it when you came?

[Jerry Warriner]

How do you think I drove? You think I got galley slaves in the fan belt? Now, listen, Lucy, you took that key and I want it back.

[Lucy Warriner]

I haven't got it.

[Jerry Warriner]

You have so got it.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, poor darling. I guess you're stuck here all night. Isn't it a shame? Oh, it's so nice sitting here. Just the way it was when we came here on our honeymoon. Sitting here in front of the fire.

[Jerry Warriner]

The fire's going out. You better throw on some more furniture.

[Lucy Warriner]

It won't be long now. It's quarter past 11. 45 minutes. And you'll never have to listen to me again. Just. Just 45 teeny minutes. Funny, isn't it?

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, it wasn't my fault. I only.

[Lucy Warriner]

I'll keep quiet 45 little minutes. You'll be happy. I expect all this that happened tonight will be forgotten. I. I'll tell Barbara Vance myself that it was all a joke and that I want you to be very, very happy. Well, It's. It's only 30 minutes now, Jerry.

[Jerry Warriner]

Lucy, listen, I.

[Lucy Warriner]

What, Jerry?

[Jerry Warriner]

Nothing.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, And you must never think of me. Never let me spoil your happiness. Jerry, I. I'll get along all right. Just. Just be happy, darling. I'll get along all right. No one will ever know that. Oh, but I shouldn't say these things, should I, Jerry? But I'll get along all right.

[Jerry Warriner]

Wait a minute. Listen.

[Lucy Warriner]

Yes?

[Jerry Warriner]

Listen, Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

What?

[Jerry Warriner]

Listen, it's all off. I'm not gonna go through with it. I don't care whether you love me or not. You're married to me and you're gonna stay married. Do you hear?

[Lucy Warriner]

Yeah.

[Jerry Warriner]

Call the caretaker. No, I'll call her myself.

[Lucy Warriner]

Ed.

[Jerry Warriner]

Ed, come in here right away. Anything wrong, folks? Listen, you're a witness.

[Narrator/Announcer]

See?

[Jerry Warriner]

The divorce is off. Huh?

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, J.

[Jerry Warriner]

We're calling it off on account of darkness. But exactly 30 seconds before 12 o', clock, we called off the divorce. Can you remember that and swear to it? You betcha. And your pleas? You betcha. All right, then get out, you bet you. And stop ad libbing. J. Oh, lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

Oh, J. Listen. 12 o'. Clock. O'. Clock. Wedding bells, darling.

[Jerry Warriner]

And every second that passes, I love you twice as Much.

[Lucy Warriner]

Say it.

[Jerry Warriner]

J. I love you, Lucy.

[Lucy Warriner]

I love you.

[Jerry Warriner]

J. I love you.

[Lucy Warriner]

I love you.

[Jerry Warriner]

I love you.

[Lucy Warriner]

I love.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You, Paul. That's because all good things must come to an end. But returning now to the footlights are Constance Bennett, Ralph Bellamy and Bob Clark Gable. Hope.

[Jerry Warriner]

Hear that, Ralph? Bob Clark Gable.

[Lucy Warriner]

Hope.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, I heard it.

[Jerry Warriner]

Good. Now I gotta find somebody who believes it.

[Lucy Warriner]

Why don't you tell Bob what you're looking for in a leading man, Mr. Dembele?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, Bob, let me describe the one I want for Reap the Wild Wind. To begin with, he should be handsome.

[Jerry Warriner]

Well, women faint when they look at my profile.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I feel a little weak myself.

[Jerry Warriner]

Now, wait a minute. There's not another profile like it in Hollywood.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Bob, are you trying to say you've got the best profile in Hollywood?

[Jerry Warriner]

No, but I've got the most profile.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But above all, Bob, a leading man's personality must be so strong that he'll be able to convince anybody he's telling the truth, no matter what he says.

[Jerry Warriner]

You don't want a leading man, CB you want a guy from the Los Angeles Weather Bureau. But you better get somebody else. I've got to play golf tomorrow morning anyway.

[Lucy Warriner]

Then I've got some good advice for you, Bob. When you get through playing golf and take your shower, don't forget to use Luxe soap. It's really a wonderful soap. I've used Luxe for years. Always have it in the house and, of course, in the studio, too.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's sound advice, Bob. You'll find Luxe soap in the best homes in Hollywood and just about everywhere else. What's the show for next week, CB Next week, Ralph. Our play is Cheers for Miss Bishop, with the original stars of the picture, Martha Scott and William Goggin. Cheers for Miss Bishop is adapted from the Richard Rowland United Artist production that's being cheered by audiences everywhere. You'll hear Martha Scott repeat her great screen performance as Ella Bishop, the schoolteacher, and Bill Gargan will play Sam Peters. It's a deeply moving love story and will bring back heartwarming memories when we present these two stars in Cheers for Miss Bishop next Monday night.

[Jerry Warriner]

It was a swell picture, CB I really enjoyed it. I saw it one night when the Ghost breakers wasn't playing anywhere. But I know you'll have a great performance next week. Good night. Good night.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good night.

[Lucy Warriner]

To tell the truth, you were all colossal.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theater presents Martha Scott and William Gargan in Cheers for Ms. Bishop. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood,

[Jerry Warriner]

Bob Hole.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Tonight through the country Legacy of the Necklace of Pepcin is soon to be seen on the screen in Paramount's Road to Zanzibar. Co starring with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour. Ralph Bellamy's fourth coming picture is Warner Brothers. Affectionately yours. Heard in tonight's play were B. Benedarit as Aunt Patsy, Fred Mackay as Armand, Vivian Janice as Barbara, Sally Payne as Dixie Belle Lee, Brenna Felton as Mrs. Leeson, Gloria Gordon as Mrs. Vance and Robert Strange as Mr. Vance. Our music is directed by Lois Silver and your announcer has been Meldo Roy. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Jerry Warriner]

What's up everybody? It's Bretzky and America is turning 250. And I can't think of a better way to celebrate that than playing on an American owned social casino. Spinquest.com with all of your favorite games, live craft bubble craps, live blackjack, there's no better place to play for free and win real cash prizes. Spinquest.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We've all been there. You pop into the shop for five

[Lucy Warriner]

minutes and all of a sudden you've

[Narrator/Announcer]

forgotten where you parked.

[Jerry Warriner]

Car. Car. Unfortunately, that lost feeling is what it's

[Narrator/Announcer]

like trying to manage your policy with other insurers here. Car Come out, come out wherever you are.

[Lucy Warriner]

Please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

With Geico, you can use the app to easily manage all your policies in one place.

[Jerry Warriner]

Did this parking lot have a waterfall?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I think you've wandered too far, mate.

[Jerry Warriner]

It feels good to find what you're looking for. It feels good to Geica.