1st Nighter 1948-02-19 Oh Bury Me Not

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: 1st Nighter 1948-02-19 "Oh Bury Me Not"
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: August 27, 2025
Golden Age of Radio Series

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Episode Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio transports listeners to the days before television, when families gathered around to enjoy “Theater Time on Broadway.” The featured presentation is the original 1948 broadcast of “Oh Bury Me Not,” part of the Campana’s First Nighter series. This comedic play, performed by an all-star cast including Barbara Luddy and Olin Soule, tells the story of a city-bred radio cowboy’s mistaken identity and misadventures on a Texas ranch. Listeners are treated to period-accurate performances, classic radio humor, and plenty of on-air hijinks.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Theater Atmosphere and Opening Night on Broadway

• The play opens with the First Nighter taking listeners to a glamorous Broadway premiere, setting the tone for excitement and anticipation ([00:13]-[01:32]).
• Audience is immersed into the experience of “the Little Theater off Times Square,” complete with descriptions of celebrities, a bustling crowd, and humorous banter.

2. Introduction of Main Characters

• Billy Martin/Wild Bill Smith: A city-raised radio “Texas Troubadour” who is suddenly fired from his sponsor, Zippy’s, due to lack of authenticity ([03:32]-[04:08]).
• Anne Lane: The tough, witty Texan lady who runs the Bar X Ranch and expects a real cowboy for a challenging task ([05:30]-[06:07]).
• Laramie: The skeptical and protective foreman who instantly doubts Billy’s cowboy credentials, providing much of the episode's dry humor and Texan flavor.
• Supporting characters include Mr. Lane (Billy’s boss, who hatches the plan), Wild Bill Smith, and the infamous Bar X horse, Diablo.

3. The Mistaken Cowboy: A Comedy of Errors

• Billy is sent “incognito” to Anne’s ranch to absorb genuine Texan experience, using the alias “Smith” ([04:55]-[05:04]).
• Upon arrival, Billy’s city ways and “fancy cow suit” amuse and annoy the ranch hands, who immediately suspect he’s a fraud ([09:00]-[09:38]).
• Laramie and Anne believe they’ve hired the real “Wild Bill Smith,” a notorious and dangerous rodeo rider.
• Anne reveals that “Judge Carver told us that Smith won't sleep anywhere but with the horses," leading to a classic fish-out-of-water scenario ([06:34]-[07:29]).

4. Slapstick, Suspicion, and Pandora’s Stable

• Billy struggles to keep up his cowboy act, being forced to sleep in the stable with Diablo, the meanest horse on the ranch ([14:47]-[15:43]).
• Laramie, increasingly suspicious, uses comic threats (“You do? Judge Carver told us. That’s why we put your cot down here” – Anne Lane, [15:28]).
• There’s a hilarious sequence where confusion about identities, names, and cowboy prowess leads to comic confrontations and threats of violence.

5. The Big Unraveling (Act Two and Three)

• Billy and Laramie flee the ranch, both confused about each other’s identities and roles. Laramie believes he himself is “Wild Bill Smith,” intensifying the comic confusion ([19:39]-[20:41]).
• Upon returning to the ranch, there’s a tangle as all characters attempt to confront the “imposter,” culminating in slapstick chases and mistaken accusations ([25:01]-[26:14]).

6. The Climactic Revelation & Happy Resolution

• Mr. Lane arrives in dramatic fashion to explain the entire confusion: Billy was mistakenly fired, and the real imposter was Brubaker, the news commentator. Billy gets his job back—with a raise—and is tasked with broadcasting live from the ranch… atop a horse ([27:32]-[28:58]).
• The play closes with a tongue-in-cheek reconciliation between Anne, Laramie, and Billy, all riding off together in radio (and comedic) harmony ([29:52]-[30:13]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Broadway Excitement:
  “And now up ahead is the Little Theater off Times Square. Well, here we are.” — Host/First Nighter ([01:20])

• On Cowboy Authenticity:
  “Martin, have you ever been in Texas?” — Mr. Lane
  “Well, no, but I go to all the movies.” — Billy Martin ([04:14])

• Anne Lane’s Sharp Observation:
  “Mr. Smith, what part of Texas do you come from? Your accent goes on and off like an electric light.” — Anne Lane ([15:06])

• Western Comic Menace:
  “Now, you be careful. They say he shot eight men... just because he didn’t like the way they lit the cigarette.” — Anne Lane ([06:12]-[06:19])

• Comic Threatening:
  “There's a snake around here somewhere... a two-legged one!” — Laramie ([23:17])

• The Big Reveal:
  “Why, this is Billy Martin of the Texas Troubadour!” — Mr. Lane ([28:00])

• Happy Ending with a Radio Twist:
  “For the first time in radio history, a singing cowboy broadcasting directly from a horse’s back!” — Mr. Lane ([29:18])

• Signature Wisdom:
  “You'll never know how pretty you can be until you try Magic Touch.” — Narrator/Announcer, during recurring cosmetic ads ([12:36])

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [00:13] – Opening Broadway scene, introduction of host and setting
• [03:32] – Billy Martin fired from radio show
• [05:30] – Anne Lane and Laramie discuss Wild Bill Smith’s upcoming arrival
• [07:52] – Billy (as “Smith”) arrives at the Bar X ranch
• [13:18] – Porch swing scene: Billy’s cowboy stories and dinner with Anne
• [15:06] – Anne calls Billy out on his inconsistent accent
• [19:23] – Laramie and Billy flee the ranch, comic confusion escalates
• [25:01] – Showdown and comic mistaken identity sequence
• [27:32] – Mr. Lane’s return: reveals the mix-up and reinstates Billy
• [29:18] – Announcement: Billy to broadcast as a “horseback cowboy”
• [29:52] – Play’s conclusion; the cast rides off together, show wraps up

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Episode Tone and Language

The tone is warm, nostalgic, and comedic, with a blend of quick banter, slapstick sequences, and affectionate parody of Western radio tropes. The dialogue is peppered with period slang (“fancy pants,” “two-legged snake”) and tongue-in-cheek references to radio culture and cowboy mythos. The cross-talk between characters is brisk and witty, making full use of the “mistaken identity” comic device throughout.

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For New Listeners

This episode is an excellent example of postwar radio’s combination of music, comedy, and live theater, all delivered with breezy charm and sharp timing. Fans of classic radio plays, vintage Western parodies, or just old-fashioned storytelling will find “Oh Bury Me Not” both engaging and representative of its era.

Recommendation: Tune in next week for more theatrical adventures and a new play, as teased by the host!

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

Campana's First Nighter program.

[Host/First Nighter]

From the Little.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Theater of Times Square, starring Barbara Luddy and Olin Soule. With an all star cast sent to you by Campana, the quality name in cosmetics. It's theater time on Broadway. And tonight we're to witness the biggest event on the Great White Way. The premiere of a brand new play in the Little Theater of Times Square. There'll be plenty of excitement too, because the opening night performance is the crucial one the evening when the public and the critics say yes or no to the play's bid for success. And now here's our host for the evening, the genial First Nighter.

[Host/First Nighter]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm just in the mood for a gay Broadway premiere this evening. Are you all right? Here's my cab. Won't you step in? Okay, driver, to the Little Theater up Broadway, across 42nd street and into the glare and glamour of the dazzling lights that give the Great White Way its famous name. And now up ahead is the Little Theater off Times Square. Well, here we are.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Isn't that beautiful creature over there Dorothy McGuire?

[Laramie]

Let someone say Governor Huey's here tonight. Have your ticket ready please. Have your ticket ready, please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good evening, Mr. Fursnider, the usher show.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You to your seats.

[Host/First Nighter]

Thank you, we'll go right in. Yes, indeed, Ladies and gentlemen, this is a packed house tonight because word is out that this evening's play is a comedy that no one wants to miss. And from the looks of the first night is crowding inside the theater. Everyone is here to enjoy it. The program says the play is entitled oh Bury Me not from the Pen of Bud Baldus Jr. And Dick Bell. In the stellar roles are those two favorites, Barbara Luddy and Olin Soule. With Ms. Luddy playing Anne La Texas rancher and Mr. Soleil taking the part of Billy Martin, a city bred cowboy crooner. And what an all star supporting cast with her Butterfield as Mr. Lane, Hugh Studebaker as Laramie, Barton Yarbrough as Wild Bill Smith and other well known names. The famous First Nighter Orchestra is being conducted tonight by Frank Wirth. And now the house lights are about to dim, so let's prepare to enjoy ourselves.

[Laramie]

Curtain.

[Anne Lane]

First curtain.

[Host/First Nighter]

There's the signal for first curtain. The house lights are out and here's the play.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

And the skies are not cloudy all day. Well folks, that's all for today. This here's Billy Martin a bringing you songs of the Old West. Singing them the way me and my buddies used to sing them around the camp fire far on the lone Prairie.

[Laramie]

You've been listening to Billy Martin, the Texas Troubadour.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Brought to you by Zippies.

[Laramie]

The breakfast food was vitamins A, B, Sunshine, C, D, E, F. Oh, keep.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Me away from the lone prairie.

[Laramie]

Come in.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Ah, here I am, Mr. Lane.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, what do you want?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why, you sent for me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I did? I mean, why, yes, I did.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, sir, of course.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Your lucky day, isn't it? A brand new contract with Zippy's at the salary of.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, sir.

[Narrator/Announcer]

$200 a week.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

200? Gee, yes.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sit down, Brubaker.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Brubaker? Mr. Lane, I'm not Brubaker.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You're not?

[Laramie]

No.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

He's the Zippy's news commentator. You know, news and views by Brubaker.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Then who are you?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Billy Martin, the Texas Troubadour.

[Laramie]

Oh.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, in that case, you're fired.

[Laramie]

What?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm sorry, my boy, but the Zippy's people have decided to cancel your show.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Cancel? My. My gosh, Mr. Lane, why?

[Laramie]

Odd.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It didn't say. But just between you and me, I think it's your singing.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You do?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes. Brubaker. Martin. Martin, have you ever been in Texas?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, no, but I go to all the movies.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's not enough. Have you seen a large brown envelope around here anywhere?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

One sticking out of your pocket?

[Laramie]

Oh.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, yes.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, now, here's a map of Texas with instructions for finding my ranch, the Bar X.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You're going to Texas?

[Narrator/Announcer]

No, no. You are.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I am?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, yes. The Bar X is run by my niece, Anne. She went to Vassar. But if you spend two or three weeks there, my boy, get the feel of the west in your voice. I may convince sippies they've made a mistake.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hey, not a bad idea.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But no one must hear of this. Since you're well known, you'd better travel incognito.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, anything you say.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Use a common, ordinary name, like Jones or Smith. Smith will do. Yes, Smith.

[Laramie]

Now get going.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Smith. Martin and I'll write Anne. You're coming?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You won't forget?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Forget? Brubaker, My boy, I have a memory like an elephant. Good heavens. 10:15. Had an appointment at 10. Have you seen my hat?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, it's on your head.

[Laramie]

You hammerhead.

[Anne Lane]

Oh, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Good morning, Miss Ann.

[Anne Lane]

Morning, Laramie. Thought I'd find you down here in the stable.

[Laramie]

Yeah, I've been trying to get a halter on Diablo for almost an hour now.

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, I don't want you risking your neck. You're much too valuable to me as a foreman.

[Laramie]

Well, now, since you put it that way.

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, do you remember Judge Carver telling us about Wild Bill Smith?

[Laramie]

Wild Bill Smith?

[Anne Lane]

Mm.

[Laramie]

You mean the rodeo rider?

[Anne Lane]

Yes. The one who claims he can tame any horse alive.

[Laramie]

Rodeo rider dead. Blame Fancy Pants. What about him? Well, he.

[Anne Lane]

He's coming to the Bar X.

[Laramie]

You coming here? What for?

[Anne Lane]

Well, someone has to break Diablo, So I wrote Mr. Smith, and he's agreed to take the job.

[Laramie]

What?

[Anne Lane]

Now, you be careful. They say he shot eight men.

[Laramie]

What for?

[Anne Lane]

Just because he didn't like the way they lit the cigarette.

[Laramie]

Is that a fact?

[Anne Lane]

And Laramie, I want you to put a cot down here by diablo stall because.

[Laramie]

Ms. Ann, you fixing a bunk down here in the stable?

[Anne Lane]

No, but Mr. Smith is. Judge Carver tells me that he won't sleep anywhere but with the horses.

[Laramie]

Well, I'll be.

[Anne Lane]

Yes. Mr. Smith must be quite a man. And I'll bet he's riding across Texas right now.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart of Texas. Ah, Texas. Beautiful Texas. Where men are men. Hey, that's right. Where men are men. Yeah. Mustn't forget. Well, howdy, ma'.

[Laramie]

Am.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I sure am pleased to make your acquaintance.

[Laramie]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a mighty fine supper, Miss Ann.

[Anne Lane]

Thank you. Beautiful night out, isn't it?

[Laramie]

Yep, she sure is. Sun's almost down.

[Anne Lane]

I just love these quiet Texas evenings.

[Laramie]

Yeah, so do I.

[Anne Lane]

Good heavens, what was that?

[Laramie]

Looky there. Coming up the road.

[Anne Lane]

A car.

[Laramie]

That's the yellowst car I ever did see.

[ADT Commercial Voice]

We all know that feeling. You finally managed to get away on vacation and the worrying starts. Will that bogus Beware of dogs sign? Keep your home safe? What about that fake camera you set up? And will someone finally find your old Hide and Key rock? That's where ADT comes in. All that stuff. It's safe.

[Laramie]

Ish.

[ADT Commercial Voice]

It seems fine when you don't really think about it. But you know, it truly doesn't work. Instead, ADT provides security solutions that keep you actually safe, giving you real peace of mind. Because vacation is supposed to be, you know, relaxing. Don't settle for safe.ish. visit ADT.com today to learn more.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Howdy, folks.

[Anne Lane]

Well, hello, Laramie. I wonder who.

[Laramie]

Well, we'll soon find out. State's case, stranger.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, this be the Bar X Beant.

[Laramie]

Be who?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Be you?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I thought. Yeah, I mean, I reckon you all was expecting me.

[Anne Lane]

Oh, are you Mr. Smith?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Smith? Yeah. Why, sure, sure, I'm Smith.

[Anne Lane]

Well, welcome to Bar X, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, thanky. Thank you. I reckon you all are. Ms. Lane.

[Anne Lane]

Anne. Mr. Smith, this is Laramie, my foreman.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Howdy, Laramie. I said, howdy, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Fancy prince, huh?

[Anne Lane]

Now, Laramie. Don't mind him, Mr. Smith. It's just that, well, he doesn't like rodeo riders.

[Laramie]

He don't? That bother you, Smith?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why, no, no, certainly not. Why should it?

[Laramie]

Well, what part of Texas you come from, Smith?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'm not.

[Laramie]

You talk the queerest lingo I ever heard. Well, I'm from Dogged, if you ain't wearing the fanciest cow suit in this whole panhandle.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, right pretty, ain't it?

[Laramie]

First purple chaps I ever seen.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Bought em at Macy's.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Here, have a weed.

[Laramie]

Now, what did I want with a weed?

[Anne Lane]

He means a cigarette, Laramie.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why, sure. Cigarette.

[Laramie]

Well, now, that's right neighborly. Oh, no, you don't.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I don't?

[Laramie]

What you don't trap me fixing off of me is smoke that'll leave me have it. Huh?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Have what?

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, stop acting like a child and take Mr. Smith's suitcase down to his bunk.

[Laramie]

Well, if you say so, Ms. Ann. I don't know what the weather's coming.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, holy smokes, what's eaten him?

[Anne Lane]

Oh, say, you must be starved.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, I sure am.

[Anne Lane]

Well, come on in the house. Unless you'd rather eat in the stable.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Stable? No, no, the house will be fine.

[Anne Lane]

Good. You know, Mr. Smith, you don't look at all like the sort of person who sleeps with horses.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I don't? Well, I'm sure glad of that.

[Host/First Nighter]

The curtain comes now to the first act of the night play in the little theater of Times Square.

[Laramie]

Smoking in the outer lobby or downstairs only, please.

[Host/First Nighter]

And now here comes Larry Keating to tell you about the latest sensation in the world of beauty.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, Camp Pana's new cream makeup. Magic Touch is causing a real sensation. Excuse me.

[Anne Lane]

Hello, Mr. Keating? Boston calling here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You are but an operator, Mr. Keating.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, yes, Mr. Keating.

[Anne Lane]

I think every woman in Boston must be buying Magic Touch all at once. You'd better send some more Magic Touch here soon or we'll run out.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm sorry, ladies. As I was saying.

[Host/First Nighter]

Hello.

[Anne Lane]

Seattle calling for more Magic Touch. Pittsburgh calling for Magic Touch. Detroit calling for Magic Touch. New York calling for Magic Touch. Los Angeles calling for Magic Touch calling Des Moines. Magic Touch calling for Chicago. Magic Touch calling Denver. Magic Touch, Minneapolis. Magic Touch, Philadelphia.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good grief. And all I ever said was that you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try Magic Touch.

[Anne Lane]

Well, that's enough to arouse anyone's Curiosity. Besides, you said that Magic Touch is new, different.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's a smooth cream makeup in an easy to carry white and gold compact. It's the new makeup for creating that new unmade up look. It brings new beauty to even the loveliest skin, does wonders for ordinary complexion.

[Anne Lane]

That's what women want today, a new, a better makeup. Besides, you said Magic Touch is so easy to use.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It puts Magic Beauty at your fingertips. You just smooth your fingers over the creamy surface of Magic Touch, apply a light film to your face and blend. No powder puff, no water. It's simple, quick and it gives your complexion the flawless Dresden doll like quality that is so fashionable today.

[Anne Lane]

But what about powder? Do I need it after applying Magic Touch?

[Narrator/Announcer]

No, if you want the new luminous look. And I don't mean shiny. Yes, if you prefer the dough matte like finish.

[Anne Lane]

You'll never know how pretty you can be until you try Magic touch.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's only $1 for the large compact. Only 39 cents for the special introductory size. So be modern in your makeup. Give yourself a magic touc.

[Laramie]

Curtain. Second curtain.

[Host/First Nighter]

The first nighters are hurrying down the aisles to their seats. The lights are dimmed. And here's the second act of oh, Bury Me Not.

[Anne Lane]

Let's sit out here on the porch swing, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Sure. I'm afraid I wasn't much company during dinner, Ms. Lane, or.

[Anne Lane]

Oh, that's all right. I knew you must be tired after that long ride today.

[Laramie]

Yeah.

[Anne Lane]

Driving a car can be quite a chore, especially when one's used to a horse.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

[Anne Lane]

About horses? Oh, go on, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What do you mean?

[Anne Lane]

Well, it's no use being modest. You're quite a famous person in these parts.

[Laramie]

I am?

[Anne Lane]

Tell me something, Mr. Smith.

[Laramie]

Yeah?

[Anne Lane]

Is it true that you've killed eight men?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why, sure. At least.

[Laramie]

What?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What did you say?

[Anne Lane]

I said. Oh, good heavens. You don't want to talk about it now, do you?

[Laramie]

Well, but.

[Anne Lane]

But, but I'll bet you'd much rather turn in.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I am tired.

[Anne Lane]

Will you wait right here? I'll get a lantern, then we'll walk down to the stable.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

The stable?

[Anne Lane]

Yes.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

All the way down there in the dark?

[Anne Lane]

Certainly.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why?

[Anne Lane]

Well, because you're tired.

[Laramie]

Oh. Ooh.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Dark in here.

[Anne Lane]

I light the lantern.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

So this is a stable.

[Anne Lane]

What did you say?

[Laramie]

Nothing. Nothing.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Say, Ann.

[Anne Lane]

Yes?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What's that funny smell?

[Anne Lane]

Why, horses.

[Laramie]

Ooh.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What's that?

[Anne Lane]

Just Diablo.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Who's he?

[Anne Lane]

A pretty mean horse. But I'll bet the two of you wind up good friends.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You don't say. Well, I'm willing if AN he is.

[Anne Lane]

Mr. Smith, what part of Texas do you come from? Your accent goes on and off like an electric light.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I don't. Hey, look. There's a cot in here.

[Anne Lane]

Yes, that's where a suitcase.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, it's my guys who's sleeping here.

[Anne Lane]

Why, you are, Mr. Smith.

[Laramie]

What?

[Anne Lane]

We know you like to sleep in stables.

[Laramie]

You do?

[Anne Lane]

Judge Carver told us.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

He did.

[Anne Lane]

That's why we put your cot down here.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

It is?

[Anne Lane]

Yes. Well, I. I know you're tired.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no, no, no. I'm wide awake.

[Anne Lane]

Get a good night's rest.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

But, Ann.

[Anne Lane]

Because you'll need it in the morning.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I will.

[Anne Lane]

Good night, Mrs. Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hey. Hey, Anne. Come in. Holy smokes. What's this all about? You tell him, dabo, old boy. Hey, you want to be friends, don't you? Here, I'll scratch you on. Wow. Nasty disposition. Me sleep with.

[ADT Commercial Voice]

We all know that feeling. You finally manage to get away on vacation and the worrying starts. Will that bogus Beware of dog sign keep your home safe? What about that fake camera you set up? And will someone finally find your old hide and key rock? That's where ADT comes in, all that stuff. It's safe.

[Laramie]

Ish.

[ADT Commercial Voice]

It seems fine when you don't really think about it, but you know, it truly doesn't work. Instead, ADT provides security solutions that keep you actually safe, giving you real peace of mind. Because vacation is supposed to be, you know, relaxing. Don't settle for safe.ish. visit ADT.com today to learn more.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no, I don't. Get my suitcase.

[Laramie]

Well, I'll get.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Get out of here and sleep in the car, boy. Safe.

[Laramie]

Now to get to running out Earth Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Laramie.

[Laramie]

Had you tabbed all along.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hey, put away that gun.

[Laramie]

Go on. Get back in that stable. Wild Bill.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Wild Bill.

[Laramie]

Get. Go. You're riding that horse in the morning.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I'm what?

[Laramie]

Like you agree?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Like those eyes. He's insane.

[Laramie]

Get in there, Wild Bill.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, sure, Laramie, sure. Anything you say. Hey, hey, what are you doing?

[Laramie]

You're not leaving. I'll take the keys from your car to make sure. But first I'm locking you up for the night. There's a stable. Tumbleweed. Ain't no sense of waking folks up this time in the morning. All right, boy. I'll find us a place to bunk or my name ain't Wild Bill's mayor. Hey.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hey.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Let me out.

[Laramie]

What's going on in that stable? What?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Thanks.

[Laramie]

Thunder was you?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hey, who are you never mind, never mind. We've got to get out of here and get a sheriff fast.

[Laramie]

Hmm. Is there something, Wampa Joe, son?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

There's an old nut running loose around here with a gun as big as a cannon.

[Laramie]

Well, holy cow.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Say, is that horse gentle?

[Laramie]

Oh, sure is.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, can both of us ride him?

[Laramie]

He's built like a ox.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well then let's get going. But be quiet.

[Laramie]

Oh, don't you worry none. I'll be just as quiet as a little old mal. All right, Smith, this morning your time's come. Just as soon as I get out of that stable, we're going to saddle that horse. Then we'll see just what kind of a fancy pants bronc busty. Well, I'll be Stable doors wide open. Smith. Smith, where were you? He's gone. Cleared clean out. Why, that dirty sneak and two headed Maverick. Wait till I get here with my gun. Darn near day bus. Sun's coming up.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

For the love of Pete, how far is it to this town of empty saddles?

[Laramie]

Oh, just a mite more. You could see it if it wasn't for that big old cat us up ahead.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, can't this horse go any faster?

[Laramie]

No, might as strong, might as slow.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Gosh.

[Laramie]

Hey, just what was going on back there at Bar X.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'm not sure myself.

[Laramie]

Well, keep talking.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, it was a pretty crazy idea from the start.

[Laramie]

Go on.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I feel silly even discussing it.

[Laramie]

I'm listening.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, it's all Mr. Lane's fault. You see, apparently Laramie doesn't know that my. But Martin's name is Martin.

[Laramie]

Why don't he?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, because Martin said his name was Smith.

[Laramie]

That's right. Peculiar. Cause my name is Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Is that so? Well, you see, I guess Ann didn't tell Laramie that Smith's name is really Martin because Mr. Lane asked her to.

[Laramie]

Keep it quiet because this is kind of confusing, ain't it?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, this crazy Laramie got the idea that Smith said he'd ride a wild horse.

[Laramie]

Oh, is that the truth? Yeah.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

And get this, he called him Wild Bill.

[Laramie]

Wild Bill?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Isn't that silly?

[Laramie]

Are you telling me that there's a coyote on that rancher claiming to be Wild Bill Smith? Well, why that churn headed sippy cat. I'll bother. No, no, no, no.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Why get excited?

[Laramie]

Because I'm Wild Bill Smith. You are?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

You're Wild Bill.

[Laramie]

I sure am. And I'll bet you your britches that there's some skunk back there aiming to get my job.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, holy smokes. I'm beginning.

[Laramie]

And if I find him, I'm gonna stomp his heart out. You will? Whoa there, tumbleweed. Whoa. Wait a minute.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What are you doing?

[Laramie]

I'm going back where we come from.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

But the sheriff.

[Laramie]

Sheriff nothing. I'm gonna handle this myself. But there's a feller on the bar exclaiming to be Wild Bill Smith. And I'm taking you back to point him out to me so's I can kill him.

[Host/First Nighter]

And the dirt comes down to the second act of tonight's play in the.

[Laramie]

Little theater off Times Square, smoking downstairs from the outer lobby.

[Host/First Nighter]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I suggest that you stop and listen. For here is Larry Keating.

[Narrator/Announcer]

All over the nation, women are stepping into stores and saying, Italian bomb, please.

[Anne Lane]

Italian bomb, please. Italian bomb, please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Because the ladies have heard that good, dependable Italian bomb is back again after its absence during the war. Back again with all of its original ingredients, all of its original goodness.

[Anne Lane]

It's so rich, so unlike thin or watery lotions. Nothing else seems to keep my hands so soft and smooth. It's such sure protection against chapping and dryness.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, Italian balm is back again at no increase in price. Same quality, same quantity, same pre war price.

[Anne Lane]

My, but it's economical to you. It spreads so widely over the skin. Just one drop serves both hands.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Get your bottle of Italian balm tomorrow. See how much prettier your hands will be all winter long.

[Anne Lane]

So soft, so smooth. No matter how much housework your busy hands may do, so completely free of chapping or dryness. No matter how cold the wind or weather.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, women are saying, Italian bomb, please.

[Anne Lane]

Italian bomb, please. Italian bomb, please.

[Laramie]

Curtain. Last curtain.

[Host/First Nighter]

The first nighters are all in their seats ready for the last act. And there goes the curtain.

[Laramie]

Missed. Dog defy. Ain't getting blind in my old age.

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, what are you doing with that gun?

[Laramie]

Practicing.

[Anne Lane]

But why?

[Laramie]

Ms. Ann, there's a snake around here somewhere.

[Anne Lane]

A snake?

[Laramie]

Yep, a two legged one. Good heavens, where I wished I knowed.

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

[Laramie]

Well, I do.

[Anne Lane]

Well, never mind that now. Listen to me. The strangest thing has happened. Mr. Smith has disappeared.

[Laramie]

You don't tell me.

[Anne Lane]

His bunk in the stable wasn't even slept in and he's nowhere on this ranch.

[Laramie]

Is that a fact?

[Anne Lane]

But his car's still here. Laramie, something dreadful may have happened to him. We've got to find him.

[Laramie]

Yep, we sure do.

[Anne Lane]

Heaven's sake, Laramie, put away that gun and come help me.

[Laramie]

Now, Ms. Ann, you. You ain't stuck on that two legged on that hombre, are you?

[Anne Lane]

Stuck on him? Whatever gave you such an idea? Of course I'm not.

[Laramie]

Well, that's all I wanted.

[Host/First Nighter]

No.

[Laramie]

Cause if he comes crawling around here again, I'm going to shoot him on sight. Well, it's yours to bore eggs, ain't it?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, yes, it certainly is, ain't it?

[Laramie]

Well, get down off this horse, Barney.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Now wait.

[Laramie]

Get down, dat dummy. All right.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Down.

[Laramie]

Where's everybody at?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Probably still asleep. Yeah, let's come back later.

[Laramie]

I'm sleeping.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hey, what are you doing?

[Laramie]

I'm gonna ring this upper going over here by the door and get them all up.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

No, no, no, don't.

[Laramie]

And then when this feller Smith that's claiming to be me shows up, you point him out and I'm gonna plug him.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no, no. Now for God's sakes, wait. Hey, you. What? I got a better idea.

[Laramie]

We'll start the door.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well look, you hide in this little clump of bushes.

[Laramie]

What for?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'll go around to the front door and tell him that somebody wants him at the back door.

[Laramie]

Oh, that's a good idea. Sure.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Okay. Well now you keep out of sight.

[Laramie]

Oh, sure Will.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, now to find somebody and explain what this is all about.

[Anne Lane]

Mr. Smith.

[Laramie]

Anne.

[Anne Lane]

Mr. Smith, where on earth have you been? Shh.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Don't call me Smith.

[Anne Lane]

Why not?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Because Smith's back there looking for Smith.

[Anne Lane]

What on earth are you talking about?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

No, not here. Now come on. But listen, Anne, listen, there's been a terrible mistake.

[Anne Lane]

Well, something strange is going on.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah?

[Anne Lane]

Well, you see, Laramie's been practicing with his gun for the last hour.

[Laramie]

Huh? Yes.

[Anne Lane]

He keeps saying something about being after a two legged snake.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, holy smoke. That'll be me.

[Anne Lane]

There he is now.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Hurry Anna. Come on back this way.

[Anne Lane]

I'm hurrying.

[Laramie]

But why, it's Smith.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Quick, come on around the back of the house.

[Anne Lane]

I wish someone to tell me.

[Laramie]

Get your hands up high.

[Anne Lane]

Good heavens. Who's that?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Smith.

[Laramie]

What? Never mind, never mind.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Keep going.

[Laramie]

Wait a minute, Warner. How come you didn't say Smith was a lady?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

I can't stop.

[Laramie]

Stop or I'll shoot.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, this is it.

[Laramie]

Okay, Laramie, reach for the sky. Who is that?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Just do as he says.

[Laramie]

Why sure, it's got the drop on me. Get away from them fellas. Miss Anne.

[Anne Lane]

And now Laramie.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Laramie, I can explain everything.

[Laramie]

Don't talk, son.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

But Laramie.

[Laramie]

I said. Be quiet, Smith. I don't say a word. Who's Talking to you, stranger. I said Smith. Well, I'm Smith. I'm Wild Bill Smith. I was right again, stranger.

[Anne Lane]

You're Wild Bill Smith, the rodeo rider.

[Laramie]

Well, I sure am. Then who?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'll see you boys later.

[Laramie]

Get back here, Smith. You mean he's the one? Listen.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Now, listen, I can explain.

[Anne Lane]

Why, you. You impossible.

[Laramie]

You blow down Copperhead out to plug you right on the spot. You keep out of it.

[Anne Lane]

Now, no shooting. Laramie.

[Laramie]

Oh, I'm not going to plug him.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, gee, thanks.

[Laramie]

No. I got me a better plan. Huh? Start walking toward the stable. Won't get what? Smith, can you saddle the meanest critter on four legs? Oh, why, sure.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no, no, you can't do that now. It's murder.

[Laramie]

Keep walking, buster.

[Anne Lane]

And imposter Smith.

[Laramie]

Quiet. Well, here's the stable.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no. Now, you don't know what you're doing. I can't ride that wild horse.

[Laramie]

Stop talking, son.

[Anne Lane]

Laramie, look.

[Laramie]

It's a big truck. It's running this way.

[Anne Lane]

Well, who on earth. Why, it's.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Holy smokes.

[Narrator/Announcer]

All right, Ben, get this equipment set up right away. No time to lose.

[Anne Lane]

Uncle Jack.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mr. Lane.

[Laramie]

Well, well, lads. Larry. Me?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Larry Mc Martin, my boy. Say, what's going on here?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

They're just trying to kill me.

[Laramie]

What?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I forbid it. I absolutely forbid it.

[Laramie]

But now, Mr. Lane.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now let me put away that gun at once.

[Laramie]

Well, you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You're the boss, boy.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Mr. Lane, am I glad to see you.

[Anne Lane]

Uncle Jack, who is this person?

[Laramie]

Yes, somebody tell me. Didn't I write you?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why, this is Billy Martin of the Texas troop.

[Laramie]

It all.

[Anne Lane]

The Texas troop? The radio singer?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Sure.

[Anne Lane]

Why, Mr. Martin, why didn't you tell us?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

My gosh, I've been trying to.

[Laramie]

Texas trooper and I. Smith. Now, why. Shuckings. Mr. Martin, I sure am proud to know you. I listen at you every morning while I eat my zippies. Zippies? Good heavens.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hurry. Not a second to lose.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What's wrong?

[Narrator/Announcer]

A mistake. Terrible mistake. That's why I'm here.

[Anne Lane]

Why are you here, Martin?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I fired the wrong man. It was the other fellow, Brubakel. I was supposed to let go. For the love of. Come, come, come now, hurry. You go on the air in Good heavens. 10 minutes.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

What are you talking about?

[Narrator/Announcer]

You see that truck? That's portable radio equipment. It is, my boy. From now on, you're going to broadcast from this ranch.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

My gosh, I am? Well, Mr. Martin, and you have a.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Brand new contract with Zippy's at $500 a week. Golly, I have oh, my idea. Brilliant. Now, one thing more.

[Anne Lane]

What, Uncle Jack?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Is there a horse anywhere around?

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

A horse?

[Laramie]

Yes. There's Diablo.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, no, no, no, not him.

[Laramie]

Well, there's old Tom. We.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, well, that's better. But why?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sensational idea, my boy. For the first time in radio history, a singing cowboy broadcasting directly from a horse's back.

[Laramie]

And the skies are not.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Well, folks, that concludes this first broadcast.

[Narrator/Announcer]

From old Tumblewood We.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

But before I sign off, I'd like you to meet the prettiest gal in Texas. We had a little misunderstanding, folks, but, well, I reckon it's all cleared up. What do you say, Miss Ann?

[Anne Lane]

I reckon. What would you say, Laramie?

[Laramie]

Well, I reckon. What did you say, Mr. Lane?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I say the three of you move up a bit. I'm about to slide off the rear of this horse.

[Host/First Nighter]

That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, the curtain is now for the last act of another original Broadway play. It's bloody and Mr. Serea bowing to an enthusiastic little theater audience. If you want to hear a truly gripping play, one that will hold you spellbound for every minute of the performance, tune in next week for the drama entitled A Story Revised. Here's the kind of play that you hear too seldom. So join us next week, same time, same station. And in the meantime, ladies, remember that you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try. Magic Touch. And now we move out of the theater and into the street.

[Anne Lane]

Get some white tape on.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Here's your cab, mister. First Nighter.

[Laramie]

Thank you.

[Host/First Nighter]

Good night.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Campana's first night of program, starring Olin Soule and Barbara Luddy, is a copyrighted radio feature. Tonight's play was pure fiction and did not refer to real people or actual events. Why take chances? Scratching a skin that's irritated by eczema, hives or rash may cause infection. Don't scratch. Use DDD prescriptions, a doctor's formula that brings quick, soothing relief from skin discomfort. Ask for DDD prescription at your drugstore. Trial bottle, 35 cents.

[Laramie]

The first nighter program came to you.

[Billy Martin / Wild Bill Smith]

Over CBS where 99 million people gather every week.

[Host/First Nighter]

The Columbia Broadcasting System.