1st Nighter 1948-02-19 Oh Bury Me Not

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "1st Nighter 1948-02-19 Oh Bury Me Not"

Episode Information:

• Title: 1st Nighter 1948-02-19 Oh Bury Me Not
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Release Date: May 23, 2025

---

Introduction

In this premiere episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio with the charming play "Oh Bury Me Not." Hosted by Larry Keating, the episode captures the essence of 1940s Broadway premieres, complete with live theater ambiance and engaging storytelling.

Setting the Scene (00:35 – 03:00)

Larry Keating welcomes the audience to the Little Theater of Times Square, setting the stage for the opening night of "Oh Bury Me Not," a comedy that promises to be a hit. Keating describes the excitement surrounding the crucial first performance, where both public and critical reception will determine the play's success.

Larry Keating (00:35): "There's the house lights about to dim. So let's prepare to enjoy ourselves."

The announcer paints a vivid picture of a packed house eager to witness the antics of beloved characters like Barbara Luddy’s Anne La Texas and Olin Soule’s Billy Martin.

Act One: The Introduction of Characters (03:00 – 13:50)

The play unfolds with Billy Martin, a city-bred cowboy crooner, interacting with various characters, including Mr. Lane, the stern theater manager, and Laramie, the foreman. Early tensions emerge as Mr. Lane dismisses Martin’s singing quality, threatening to cancel his show due to his performance.

Mr. Lane (04:00): "200?"

Billy Martin (04:06): "200?"

Mr. Lane (04:05): "You're not Brubaker."

The plot thickens when Mr. Lane assigns Billy Martin a mission to Texas to refine his singing, introducing a map to the Bar X ranch and the enigmatic Miss Anne. This directive sets Billy on a journey that intertwines humor with the challenges of adapting to the Old West.

Mid-Play Developments and Interruptions (13:50 – 27:00)

As the first act concludes, the second act begins with renewed tensions. Miss Anne introduces Wild Bill Smith, a rodeo rider with a notorious reputation, to the ranch. A comedic rivalry ensues when both Billy Martin and Wild Bill claim to be the real Smith, leading to a series of misunderstandings and humorous confrontations.

Expressions of confusion and identity mix-ups are highlighted through witty dialogues:

Billy Martin (14:35): "Is it true that you've killed eight men?"

Wild Bill Smith (14:38): "Why, sure. At least."

The interplay between Billy and Wild Bill reaches a peak as accusations fly, and the characters grapple with their true identities amidst the backdrop of Texas' rugged landscape.

Climactic Confrontations (27:00 – 28:50)

The tension escalates when Mr. Lane intervenes, revealing a mix-up in hiring and clarifying Billy Martin’s true role as the radio singer. This revelation leads to a twist where Mr. Lane assigns Billy a groundbreaking task—broadcasting from a horse's back, blending technology with tradition in a novel approach to radio entertainment.

Mr. Lane (29:03): "From now on, you're going to broadcast from this ranch."

Billy Martin (29:55): "My gosh, I am?"

Final Act and Resolution (28:50 – 31:22)

The final scenes bring harmony as misunderstandings are resolved. Billy Martin embraces his new role, and Wild Bill Smith accepts his identity, leading to a heartfelt conclusion where relationships are mended, and the future of the radio show looks promising.

Billy Martin (30:34): "What do you say, Miss Ann?"

Miss Anne (31:04): "I reckon."

Mr. Lane's ingenious idea of combining a singing cowboy with live broadcasting from horseback is lauded, marking a successful integration of innovation and traditional charm.

Notable Quotes and Moments

1. Larry Keating on Premiere Night:
   “It's theater time on Broadway and tonight we're to witness the biggest event on the Great White Way.” (00:35)

2. Mr. Lane’s Dismissal of Billy:
   “Because Brubaker has decided to cancel your show.” (04:30)

3. Identity Confusion Between Billy and Wild Bill:
   “You imposter, You Slow down, copperhead. I ought to plug you right on the spot.” (27:37)

4. Mr. Lane’s Innovative Idea:
   “Sensational idea, my boy. For the first time in radio history, a singing cowboy broadcasting directly from a horse's back.” (30:16)

Insights and Analysis

"Oh Bury Me Not" serves as a delightful homage to the era’s radio plays, blending humor, drama, and innovation. The narrative cleverly intertwines the themes of identity, adaptation, and the clash between modernity and tradition. Billy Martin’s journey from a city singer to a cowboy crooner encapsulates the transformative spirit of post-war America, while Mr. Lane’s visionary approach highlights the era’s fascination with technological advancements.

The play also reflects societal dynamics, portraying strong, independent characters like Miss Anne and the rugged determination of Wild Bill Smith. The comedic elements, especially the mistaken identities, provide levity while underscoring the importance of authenticity and self-discovery.

Conclusion

"1st Nighter 1948-02-19 Oh Bury Me Not" succeeds in capturing the magic of old-time radio, offering listeners a rich tapestry of storytelling that is both entertaining and evocative of a bygone era. With its engaging characters, clever plot twists, and memorable dialogues, this episode stands as a testament to the enduring appeal of radio theater.

For enthusiasts of classic radio dramas or newcomers seeking a nostalgic experience, this episode of Harold's Old Time Radio is a must-listen, promising laughter, suspense, and a heartfelt journey through the heart of Texas.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Announcer]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Larry Keating]

Campana's first nighter program from the Little Theater of Times Square. Starring Barbara Luddy and Olin Soule. With an all star cast sent to you by Campana, the quality name in cosmetics. It's theater time on Broadway and tonight we're to witness the biggest event on the Great White Way. The premiere of a brand new play in the Little Theater of Times Square. There'll be plenty of excitement too, because the opening night performance is the crucial one the evening when the public and the critics say yes or no to the play's bid for success. And now here's our host for the evening, the genial First Nighter.

[Announcer]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm just in the mood for a gay Broadway premiere this evening. Are you all right? Here's my cab. Won't you step in? Okay, driver, to the Little Theater up Broadway, across 42nd street and into the glare and glamour of the dazzling lights that give the Great White Way its famous name. And now up ahead is the Little Theater off Times Square. Well, here we are.

[Mr. Lane]

Isn't that beautiful creature over there Dorothy McGuire?

[Announcer]

Someone say Governor Buey's here tonight.

[Billy Martin]

Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready, please.

[Mr. Lane]

Good evening, Mr. Fur Snyder, the usher.

[Billy Martin]

Show you to your seats.

[Announcer]

Thank you. We'll go right in. Yes, indeed, ladies and gentlemen, this is a packed house tonight because word is out that this evening's play is a comedy that no one wants to miss. And from the looks of the first night is crowding inside the theater. Everyone is here to enjoy it. The program says the play is entitled oh Bury Me not from the pen of Bud Baldus Jr. And Dick Bell. In the stellar roles are those two favorites, Barbara Luddy and Olin Soule. With Ms. Luddy playing Anne La Texas rancher. And Mr. Soleil taking the part of Billy Martin, a city bred cowboy crooner. And what an all star supporting cast. With her Butterfield as Mr. Lane. Hugh Studebaker as Laramie, Barton Yarbrough as Wild Bill Smith and other well known names. The famous First Nighter Orchestra is being conducted tonight by Frank Wirth. And now the house lights are about to dim. So let's prepare to enjoy ourselves.

[Laramie]

Curtain.

[Billy Martin]

First curtain.

[Announcer]

There's the signal for first curtain. The house lights are out and here's the play.

[Billy Martin]

And the skies are not cloudy all day. Well, folks, that's all for today. This here's Billy Martin A bringing you songs of the Old West. Singing them the way me and my buddies used to sing them around the camp fire far on the lone prairie.

[Wild Bill Smith]

You've been listening to Billy Martin, the Texas Troubadour, brought to you by Zippies. The breakfast food was vitamins A, B, sunshine, C, D, E, F.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, keep me away from the lone prairie. Come in. Ah, here I am, Mr. Lane.

[Mr. Lane]

Well, what do you want?

[Billy Martin]

Why, you sent for me.

[Mr. Lane]

I did? I mean, why, yes, I did.

[Billy Martin]

Yes, sir, of course.

[Larry Keating]

Your lucky day, isn't it?

[Mr. Lane]

A brand new contract with Zippy's at the salary of.

[Billy Martin]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Lane]

$200 a week.

[Billy Martin]

200?

[Mr. Lane]

Gee, yes. Sit down, Brubaker.

[Billy Martin]

Brubaker? Mr. Lane, I'm not Brubaker.

[Mr. Lane]

You're not?

[Billy Martin]

No. He's the Zippy's news commentator. You know, news and views by Brubaker.

[Mr. Lane]

Then who are you?

[Billy Martin]

Billy Martin, the Texas Troubadour.

[Mr. Lane]

Oh, well, in that case, you're fired.

[Billy Martin]

What?

[Mr. Lane]

I'm sorry, my boy, but the Zippy's people have decided to cancel your show.

[Billy Martin]

Cancel? My, my gosh, Mr. Lane, why?

[Mr. Lane]

It didn't say. But just between you and me, I think it's your singing.

[Billy Martin]

You do?

[Mr. Lane]

Yes, Brubaker.

[Larry Keating]

Martin.

[Mr. Lane]

Martin. Have you ever been in Texas?

[Billy Martin]

Well, no, but I go to all the movies.

[Mr. Lane]

That's not enough. Have you seen a large brown envelope around here anywhere?

[Billy Martin]

One sticking out of your pocket?

[Mr. Lane]

Oh, yes. Well, now, here's a map of Texas with instructions for finding my ranch. The Bar X.

[Billy Martin]

You're going to Texas?

[Mr. Lane]

No, no. You are.

[Billy Martin]

I am?

[Mr. Lane]

Oh, yes. The Bar X is run by my niece, Anne. She went to Vassar. But if you spend two or three weeks there, my boy, get the feel of the west in your voice. I may convince Sippies they'd make a mistake.

[Billy Martin]

Hey, not a bad idea.

[Mr. Lane]

But no one must hear of this. Since you're well known, you'd better travel incognito.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Yeah, anything you say.

[Mr. Lane]

Use a common ordinary Jones or Smith. Smith will do. Yes, Smith. I'll get going. Smith. Martin and I'll write. And you're coming. You won't forget Forget Brubaker, my boy. I have a memory like an elephant.

[Larry Keating]

Good heavens.

[Mr. Lane]

10.

[Billy Martin]

15.

[Mr. Lane]

Had an appointment at 10. Have you seen my hat?

[Billy Martin]

Yes, it's on your head.

[Miss Anne]

Oh, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Good morning, Miss Anne.

[Miss Anne]

Morning, Laramie. Thought I'd find you down here in the stable.

[Laramie]

Yeah, I've been trying to get a hold on Diablo for almost an hour now.

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, I don't want you risking your neck. You're much too valuable to me as a foreman.

[Laramie]

Well, now, since you put it that way.

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, do you remember Judge Carver telling us about Wild Bill Smith?

[Laramie]

Wild Bill Smith? You mean the rodeo rider?

[Miss Anne]

Yes. The one who claims he can tame any horse alive.

[Laramie]

Rodeo rider, dad? Blame Fancy Pants. What about him?

[Miss Anne]

Well, he. He's coming to the Bar X.

[Laramie]

You coming here? What for?

[Miss Anne]

Well, someone has to break Diablo, So I wrote Mr. Smith, and he's agreed to take the job.

[Laramie]

What?

[Miss Anne]

Now, you be careful. They say he's shot eight men.

[Laramie]

What for?

[Miss Anne]

Just because he didn't like the way they lit the cigarette?

[Laramie]

Is that a fact, Ann?

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, I want you to put a cot down here by Diablo's stall.

[Laramie]

Of course, Miss Ann. You fixing a bunk down here in the stable?

[Miss Anne]

No, but Mr. Smith is. Judge Carver tells me that he won't sleep anywhere but with the horses.

[Laramie]

Well, I'll be.

[Billy Martin]

Yes.

[Miss Anne]

Mr. Smith must be quite a man. And I'll bet he's riding across Texas right now.

[Billy Martin]

The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart of Texas. Ah, Texas. Beautiful Texas. Where men are men. Hey, that's right. Where men are men. Yeah. Mustn't forget. Well, howdy, ma' am. I sure am pleased to make your acquaintance.

[Miss Anne]

Yeah.

[Laramie]

That was a mighty fine supper, Miss Anne.

[Miss Anne]

Thank you. Beautiful night out, isn't it?

[Laramie]

Yep, she sure is. Sun's almost down.

[Miss Anne]

I just love these quiet Texas evenings.

[Laramie]

Yeah, so do that.

[Miss Anne]

Good heavens, what was that?

[Laramie]

Looky there. Coming up the road.

[Miss Anne]

A car.

[Laramie]

That's the yellowst car. I have a dead seat.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Announcer]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21/ terms and conditions.

[Expedia Announcer]

Apply packages by expedia. You were made to be rechargeable. We were made to package flights, hotels and hammocks for less Expedia made to travel.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Howdy, folks.

[Miss Anne]

Well, hello, Laramie. I wonder who.

[Laramie]

Well, we'll soon find out at State case stranger.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, this be the Bar X Beant.

[Laramie]

Be. Who be you?

[Billy Martin]

Well, I thought. Yeah, I mean, I reckon you always expecting me.

[Miss Anne]

Oh, are you Mr. Smith?

[Billy Martin]

Smith? Yeah. Why, sure, sure, I'm Smith.

[Miss Anne]

Well, welcome to Bar X, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, thanky. Thank you. I reckon you all are.

[Miss Anne]

Ms. Lane, Ann, Mr. Smith, this is Laramie, my foreman.

[Billy Martin]

Howdy, Laramie. I said, howdy, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Fancy prince, huh?

[Miss Anne]

Now, Laramie, don't mind him, Mr. Smith. It's just that, well, he doesn't like rodeo riders.

[Wild Bill Smith]

He don't?

[Laramie]

That bother you, Smith?

[Billy Martin]

Well, no, no, certainly not. Why should it?

[Laramie]

Well, what part of Texas you come from, Smith?

[Billy Martin]

Uh, well, I'm not.

[Laramie]

You talk the queerest lingo I ever heard.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'm from Dogged, if you ain't.

[Laramie]

Wearing the fanciest cow suit in this whole panhandle.

[Billy Martin]

Yeah, right pretty, ain't it?

[Laramie]

First purple chaps I ever seen.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Bought em at Macy's.

[Billy Martin]

Here, have a weed.

[Laramie]

Now, what did I want with the weed?

[Miss Anne]

He means a cigarette, Laramie.

[Billy Martin]

Why, sure. Cigarette.

[Laramie]

Well, now, that's right neighborly. Oh, no, you don't.

[Billy Martin]

I don't what?

[Laramie]

You don't trap me. Fixing to offer me a smoke that'll leave me have it, huh?

[Billy Martin]

Have what?

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, stop acting like a child and take Mr. Smith's suitcase down to his bunk.

[Laramie]

Well, if you say so, Ms. Ann. I don't know what the weather coming in.

[Billy Martin]

Well, holy smokes, what's eating him?

[Miss Anne]

Oh, say, you must be starved.

[Billy Martin]

Yeah, I sure am.

[Miss Anne]

Well, come on in the house. Unless you'd rather eat in the stable.

[Billy Martin]

Stable? No, no, the house will be fine.

[Miss Anne]

Good. You know, Mr. Smith, you don't look at all like the sort of person who sleeps with horses.

[Billy Martin]

I don't? Well, I'm sure glad of that.

[Announcer]

And the curtain comes down on the first act of a nice play. And the little theater off Times Square.

[Mr. Lane]

Smoking in the outer lobby or down the.

[Announcer]

And now, here comes Larry Keating to tell you about the latest sensation in the world of beauty.

[Larry Keating]

Yes, Campana's new cream makeup. Magic Touch is causing a real sensation. Excuse me.

[Operator]

Hello, Mr. Keating, Boston calling. Here you are.

[Larry Keating]

But, but, operator.

[Operator]

Mr. Keating.

[Larry Keating]

Yes, yes, Mr. Keating.

[Operator]

I think every woman in Boston must be buying Magic Touch all at once. You'd better send some more Magic Touch here soon or we'll run out.

[Larry Keating]

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm sorry, ladies. As I was saying. Hello.

[Operator]

Seattle, calling for more Magic Touch. Pittsburgh, calling for Magic Touch. Detroit, calling for Magic Touch. New York, calling for Magic Touch. Los Angeles, calling for Magic Touch. Calling Des Moines.

[Miss Anne]

Magic.

[Billy Martin]

Chicago. Magic Touch.

[Miss Anne]

Denver.

[Billy Martin]

Magic Touch. Minneapolis.

[Operator]

Magic Time. Philadelphia.

[Larry Keating]

Good grief. And all I ever said was that you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try Magic Touch.

[Operator]

Well, that's enough to arouse anyone's curiosity. Besides, you said that Magic Touch is new, different.

[Larry Keating]

It's a smooth cream makeup in an easy to carry white and gold compact. It's the new makeup for creating that new unmade up look. It brings new beauty to even the loveliest skin. Does wonders for ordinary complexions.

[Operator]

That's what women want today, a new, a better makeup. Besides, you said Magic Touch is so easy to use.

[Larry Keating]

It puts Magic Beauty at your fingertips. You just smooth your fingers over the creamy surface of Magic Touch, apply a light film to your face and blend. No powder puff, no water. It's simple, quick and it gives your complexion the flawless Dresden doll like quality that is so fashionable today.

[Operator]

But what about powder? Do I need it after applying Magic Touch?

[Larry Keating]

No, if you want the new luminous look. And I don't mean shiny. Yes, if you prefer the dull matte like finish.

[Operator]

You'll never know how pretty you can be until you try Magic touch.

[Larry Keating]

It's only $1 for the large compact. Only 39 cents for the special introductory size. So be modern in your makeup. Give yourself a magic touch.

[Billy Martin]

Curtain.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Second curtain.

[Announcer]

The first nighters are hurrying down the aisles to their seats. The lights are dimmed. And here's the second act of oh, Bury Me Not.

[Miss Anne]

Let's sit out here on the porch swing, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin]

Sure. I'm afraid I wasn't much company during dinner, Ms. Lane, or.

[Miss Anne]

Oh, that's all right. I knew you must be tired after that long ride today.

[Larry Keating]

Yeah.

[Miss Anne]

Driving a car can be quite a chore. Especially when one's used to a horse.

[Billy Martin]

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

[Miss Anne]

About horses. Oh, go on, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin]

What do you mean?

[Miss Anne]

Well, it's no use being modest. You're quite a famous person in these parts.

[Billy Martin]

I am?

[Miss Anne]

Tell me something, Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin]

Yeah?

[Miss Anne]

Is it true that you've killed eight men?

[Billy Martin]

Why, sure. At least. What? What did you say?

[Miss Anne]

I said. Oh, good heavens. You don't want to talk about it now, do you?

[Billy Martin]

Well, but, but, but.

[Miss Anne]

I'll bet you'd much rather turn in.

[Billy Martin]

Well, I am tired.

[Miss Anne]

Well, you wait right here. I'll get a lantern. Then we'll walk down to the stable.

[Billy Martin]

The stable?

[Miss Anne]

Yes.

[Billy Martin]

All the way down there in the dark?

[Miss Anne]

Certainly.

[Billy Martin]

Why?

[Miss Anne]

Well, because you were tired.

[Billy Martin]

Oh. Ooh, it's dark in here.

[Miss Anne]

I light the landing.

[Billy Martin]

So this is a stable.

[Miss Anne]

What did you say?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Nothing.

[Billy Martin]

Nothing. Say, Anne.

[Miss Anne]

Yes?

[Billy Martin]

What's that funny smell?

[Miss Anne]

Why, horses.

[Billy Martin]

Ooh. What's that?

[Miss Anne]

Just Diablo.

[Billy Martin]

Who's he?

[Miss Anne]

A pretty mean horse. But I'll bet the two of you wind up good friends.

[Billy Martin]

You don't say. Well, I'm willing if.

[Wild Bill Smith]

And he is.

[Miss Anne]

Mr. Smith, what part of Texas do you come from? Your accent goes on and off like an electric light.

[Billy Martin]

Well, I don't. Hey, look, there's a cot in here.

[Miss Anne]

Yes, that's right.

[Billy Martin]

And a suitcase. Well, it's. My gosh. Who's sleeping here?

[Miss Anne]

Why, you are, Mr. Smith.

[Wild Bill Smith]

What?

[Miss Anne]

We know you like to sleep in stables.

[Billy Martin]

You do?

[Miss Anne]

Judge Carver told us.

[Billy Martin]

He did?

[Miss Anne]

That's why we put your cot down here.

[Billy Martin]

It is?

[Miss Anne]

Yes. Well, I. I know. You're a child.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, no, no, no. I'm wide awake.

[Miss Anne]

Get a good night's rest.

[Billy Martin]

But, Ann.

[Miss Anne]

Because you'll need it in the morning.

[Billy Martin]

I will.

[Miss Anne]

Good night, Mrs. Smith.

[Mr. Lane]

Hey.

[Billy Martin]

Hey, Anne. Come in. Holy smokes. What's this all about? You tell him, dabo boy. Hey, you want to be friends, don't you?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Here, I'll scratch you on.

[Larry Keating]

Wow.

[Billy Martin]

Nasty disposition. Me sleep with.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello, it is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps. You know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chamba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free, anytime, anywhere. With daily bonuses. That should brighten your day low. Actually, a lot. So sign up [e-mail]. that's chumbacasino.com.

[Billy Martin]

No purchase necessary. VGW Revohid by law. See terms and conditions.

[Expedia Announcer]

18 plus packages by Expedia. You were made to be rechargeable. We were made to package flights, hotels and hammocks for less. Expedia. Made to travel.

[Billy Martin]

Sam. Oh, no, I don't. Get my suitcase.

[Miss Anne]

What?

[Billy Martin]

I'll get. Get out of here and sleep in the car, boy. Safe now to get to running out Earth.

[Laramie]

Smith. Laramie had you tabbed all along.

[Billy Martin]

Hey, put away that gun.

[Laramie]

Go on, get back in that stable. Wild Bill.

[Billy Martin]

Wild Bill?

[Laramie]

Get go. You're riding that horse in the morning.

[Billy Martin]

I'm what? Like you Agreed, like those eyes. He's insane.

[Laramie]

Get in there, Wild Bill.

[Billy Martin]

Yeah, sure Laramie, sure. Anything you say. Hey, hey, what are you doing?

[Laramie]

You're not leaving. I'll take the keys from your car to make sure. But first I'm locking you up for the night.

[Wild Bill Smith]

There's a stable tumble weed. Ain't no sense of waking folks up this time in the morning.

[Laramie]

Who?

[Wild Bill Smith]

I'll find us a place to bunker. My name ain't Wild Bill's mate.

[Billy Martin]

Hey.

[Announcer]

Hey.

[Mr. Lane]

Let me out.

[Wild Bill Smith]

What's going on in that stable? What? Thanks. Thunder was you?

[Billy Martin]

Hey, who are you? Well, never mind, never mind. We've got to get out of here and get a sheriff fast.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Is there something, Wampa George, old son?

[Billy Martin]

There's an old nut running loose around here with a gun as big as a cannon.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, holy cow.

[Billy Martin]

Say his is that horse gentle?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, sure is.

[Billy Martin]

Well, can both of us ride him?

[Wild Bill Smith]

He's built like a ox.

[Billy Martin]

Well then let's get going. But be quiet.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, don't you worry none. I'll be just as quiet as a little old mouse.

[Laramie]

All right, Smith. This morning your time's come. Just as soon as I get out of that stable we're going to saddle that horse. Then we'll see just what kind of a fancy pants bronc bust it. Will I be stable doors wide open.

[Mr. Lane]

Smith.

[Laramie]

Smith. Where were you? He's gone. Cleared clean out. Why that dirty sneak and two headed Maverick. Wait til I get here with my gunsnot.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Darn near day bus. Sun's coming up.

[Billy Martin]

For the love of Pete, how far is it to this town of empty saddles?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, just a might, Moore. You could see it if it wasn't with that big old cactus up ahead.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, can't this horse go any faster?

[Wild Bill Smith]

No. Mighty strong, mighty slow.

[Billy Martin]

Gosh.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Hey, just what was going on back there at Bar Ex?

[Billy Martin]

Well, I'm not sure myself.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, keep talking.

[Billy Martin]

Well, it was a pretty crazy idea from the start.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Go on.

[Billy Martin]

I feel silly even discussing it.

[Wild Bill Smith]

I'm listening.

[Billy Martin]

Well, it's all Mr. Lane's fault. You see, apparently Laramie doesn't know that my. That Martin's name is Martin.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Why don't he?

[Billy Martin]

Well, because Martin said his name was Smith.

[Laramie]

That's right.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Peculiar. Cause my name is Smith.

[Billy Martin]

Is that so? Well, you see, I guess Ann didn't tell Laramie that Smith's name is really Martin because Mr. Lane asked her to keep it Quiet.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Because this is kind of confusing, ain't it?

[Billy Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, this crazy Laramie got the idea that Smith said he'd ride a wild horse.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, is that the truth?

[Billy Martin]

Yeah. And get this. He called him Wild Bill.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Wild Bill?

[Billy Martin]

Yeah, isn't that silly?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Are you telling me that there's a coyote on that rancher claiming to be Wild Bill Smith? Well, why that churn headed sippy cat.

[Laramie]

I'll bother.

[Mr. Lane]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Billy Martin]

Why get excited?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Because I'm Wild Bill Smith.

[Announcer]

You are?

[Billy Martin]

You're Wild Bill.

[Wild Bill Smith]

I sure am. And I'll bet you your britches that there's some skunk back there aiming to get my job.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, holy smokes, I'm beginning.

[Wild Bill Smith]

And if I find him, I'm gonna stomp his heart out.

[Billy Martin]

You will?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Whoa there, tumbleweed.

[Billy Martin]

Whoa, wait a doing.

[Wild Bill Smith]

I'm going back where we come from.

[Billy Martin]

But the sheriff.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Sheriff nothing. I'm going to handle this myself. But there's a feller on the bar exclaiming to be Wild Bill Smith. And I'm taking you back to point him out to me so as I can kill him.

[Announcer]

And the dirt comes down to the second act of tonight's play of the little theater on time Square.

[Miss Anne]

Hunting downstairs, the outer lobby only feet.

[Announcer]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I suggest that you stop and listen. For here is Larry Keating.

[Larry Keating]

All over the nation, women are stepping into stores and saying, Italian bomb, please.

[Operator]

Italian bomb, please. Italian bomb, please.

[Larry Keating]

Because the ladies have heard that good dependable Italian bomb is back again after its absence during the war. Back again with all of its original ingredients, all of its original goodness.

[Operator]

It's so rich, so unlike thin or watery lotion. Nothing else seems to keep my hands so soft and smooth. It's such sure protection against chapping and dryness.

[Larry Keating]

Yes, Italian balm is back again at no increase in price. Same quality, same quantity, same pre war price.

[Operator]

My, but it's economical to you. It spreads so widely over the skin, just one drop serves both hands.

[Larry Keating]

Get your bottle of Italian balm tomorrow. See how much prettier your hands will be all winter long.

[Operator]

So soft, so smooth. No matter how much housework your busy hands may do, so completely free of chapping or dryness, no matter how cold the wind or weather.

[Larry Keating]

Yes, women are saying, Italian bomb, please.

[Operator]

Italian bomb, please. Italian bomb, please.

[Billy Martin]

Curtain. Last curtain.

[Announcer]

The first nighters are all in their seats ready for the last act. And there goes the curtain.

[Laramie]

Missed. Dog defy. Ain't getting blind in my old age.

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, what are you doing with that gun?

[Laramie]

Practicing.

[Miss Anne]

But why?

[Laramie]

Ms. Ann, there's a snake around here somewhere.

[Miss Anne]

A snake?

[Laramie]

Yep, a two legged one. Good heavens, where I wished I knowed.

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

[Laramie]

Well, I do.

[Miss Anne]

Well, never mind that.

[Billy Martin]

Now.

[Miss Anne]

Listen to me. The strangest thing has happened. Mr. Smith has disappeared.

[Laramie]

You don't tell me.

[Miss Anne]

His bunk in the stable wasn't even slept in and he's nowhere on this ranch.

[Laramie]

Is that a fact?

[Miss Anne]

But his car's still here. Laramie, something dreadful may have happened to him. We've got to find him.

[Laramie]

Yep, we sure do.

[Miss Anne]

Heaven's sake, Laramie, put away that gun and come help me.

[Laramie]

Now, Ms. Ann, you. You ain't stuck on that two legged. On that hombre, are you?

[Miss Anne]

Stuck on him? Whatever gave you such an idea? Of course I'm not.

[Laramie]

Well, that's all I wanted.

[Billy Martin]

No.

[Laramie]

Cause if he comes crawling around here again, I'm going to shoot him on sight.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, it sure is a Bar X, ain't it?

[Billy Martin]

Yes, yes, it certainly is, ain't it?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, get down off this horse, Barney.

[Billy Martin]

Now wait.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Get down. Dat dummy.

[Billy Martin]

All right, I'm down.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Where's everybody at?

[Billy Martin]

Probably still asleep. Yeah, let's come back later.

[Wild Bill Smith]

I'm sleeping.

[Billy Martin]

Hey, what are you doing?

[Wild Bill Smith]

I'm gonna ring your supper gong over here by the door and get them all up.

[Billy Martin]

No, no, no, don't.

[Wild Bill Smith]

And then when this feller Smith that's claiming to be me shows up, you point him out and I'm gonna plug him.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, no, no. Now for God's sake, wait. You know what? I got a better idea.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, start the talk.

[Billy Martin]

Well, look, you hide in this little clump of bushes.

[Wild Bill Smith]

What for?

[Billy Martin]

Well, I'll go around to the front door and tell him that somebody wants him at the back door.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, that's a good idea.

[Announcer]

Sure.

[Billy Martin]

Okay. Well now you keep out of sight.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, I sure will.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, now to find somebody and explain what this is all about.

[Miss Anne]

Mr. Smith.

[Billy Martin]

Ann.

[Miss Anne]

Mr. Smith, where on earth have you been?

[Billy Martin]

Shh. Don't call me Smith.

[Miss Anne]

Why not?

[Billy Martin]

Because Smith's back there looking for Smith.

[Miss Anne]

What on earth are you talking about?

[Billy Martin]

No, not here. Now come on. But listen, Ann, listen, there's been a terrible mistake.

[Miss Anne]

Well, something strange is going on here. Well, you see, Laramie's been pregnant with his gun for the last hour.

[Billy Martin]

Huh?

[Operator]

Yes.

[Miss Anne]

He keeps saying something about being after a two legged snake.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, holy smoke. That'll be me.

[Miss Anne]

There he is now.

[Billy Martin]

Hurry Anna. Come on back this way.

[Miss Anne]

I'm hurrying.

[Laramie]

But why, it's me.

[Billy Martin]

Quick, come on around the back of the house.

[Miss Anne]

I wish someone to tell me.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Get your hands up high.

[Miss Anne]

Good heavens. Who's that? Smith.

[Operator]

What?

[Billy Martin]

Never mind. Never mind. Keep going.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Wait a minute, Warner. How come you didn't say Smith was a lady?

[Billy Martin]

I can't stop.

[Laramie]

Stop or I'll shoot.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, this is it. Okay, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Reach for the sky.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Who is that?

[Billy Martin]

Just do as he says.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Why, sure. It's got to drop on me.

[Laramie]

Get away from them fellas.

[Miss Anne]

Ms. Ann and now, Laramie.

[Billy Martin]

Laramie, I can explain everything.

[Laramie]

Don't talk, son.

[Billy Martin]

But, Laramie.

[Laramie]

I said. Be quiet, Smith.

[Wild Bill Smith]

I don't say a word.

[Laramie]

Who's talking to you, stranger? I said Smith.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I'm Smith. I'm Wild Bill Smith.

[Laramie]

I was that again, stranger.

[Miss Anne]

You're Wild Bill Smith, the rodeo rider?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, I sure am.

[Laramie]

Then who?

[Billy Martin]

Well, I'll see you boys later.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Get back here, Matt. You mean he's the one?

[Billy Martin]

Listen. Now, listen, I can explain.

[Miss Anne]

Why, you.

[Wild Bill Smith]

You imposter, You Slow down, copperhead. I ought to plug you right on the spot.

[Laramie]

You keep out of it.

[Miss Anne]

Now. No shooting, Laramie.

[Laramie]

Oh, I'm not going to plug him.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, gee, thanks.

[Laramie]

No. I got me a better plan.

[Billy Martin]

Huh?

[Laramie]

Start walking toward the stable. Won't get what? Smith, can you saddle the meanest critter on four legs?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Oh, why, sure.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, no, no, you can't do that now. It's murder.

[Laramie]

Keep walking, buster.

[Miss Anne]

And imposter Smith.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Quiet.

[Laramie]

Well, here's the stable.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, no. Now, you don't know what you're doing. I can't ride that wild horse up talking, son.

[Laramie]

What?

[Miss Anne]

Laramie, look.

[Laramie]

It's a big truck. It's running this way.

[Miss Anne]

Well, who on earth. Why, it's.

[Billy Martin]

Holy smokes.

[Mr. Lane]

All right, Ben, get this equipment set up right away. No time to lose.

[Miss Anne]

Uncle Jack.

[Billy Martin]

Mr. Lane.

[Mr. Lane]

Well, well. Anne. Larry, of me.

[Laramie]

Sorry, Mr. Lane.

[Mr. Lane]

Martin, my boy. Say, what's going on here?

[Billy Martin]

They're just trying to kill me.

[Mr. Lane]

Well, I forbid it. I absolutely forbid it.

[Laramie]

But now, Mr. Lane.

[Mr. Lane]

Now, let me put away that gun at once.

[Laramie]

Well, you.

[Billy Martin]

You're the boss, boy. Mr. Lane, am I glad to see you.

[Miss Anne]

Uncle Jack, who is this person?

[Wild Bill Smith]

Yes, somebody tell me.

[Mr. Lane]

Didn't I write you? Why, this is Billy Martin, the Texas troop at all.

[Miss Anne]

The Texas troop? The radio singer?

[Billy Martin]

Sure.

[Miss Anne]

Why, Mr. Martin, why didn't you tell her?

[Billy Martin]

My gosh, I've been trying to.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Texas.

[Mr. Lane]

True, but I. Smith.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Now, why, shucking Smith. Mr. Morton, I sure am proud to know you. I listen at you every morning while I eat my zippies.

[Laramie]

Zippies?

[Mr. Lane]

Good heavens. Hurry. Not a second to lose.

[Billy Martin]

What's wrong?

[Mr. Lane]

A mistake. Terrible mistake. That's why I'm here.

[Miss Anne]

Why are you here, Martin?

[Mr. Lane]

I fired the wrong man. It was the other fellow, Brubakel, I was supposed to let go. For the love of. Come, come, come. Now, hurry. You go on the air in Good heavens, 10 minutes.

[Billy Martin]

What are you talking about?

[Mr. Lane]

You see that truck? That's portable radio equipment. It is here, my boy. From now on, you're going to broadcast from this ranch.

[Billy Martin]

My gosh, I am?

[Miss Anne]

Well, Mr. Martin.

[Mr. Lane]

And you have a brand new contract with Zippy's at $500 a week.

[Billy Martin]

Golly, I have?

[Mr. Lane]

Oh, my idea. Brilliant. Now, one thing more.

[Miss Anne]

What, Uncle Jack?

[Mr. Lane]

Is there a horse anywhere around?

[Billy Martin]

A horse?

[Mr. Lane]

Yes.

[Laramie]

There's Diablo.

[Billy Martin]

Oh, no, no, no, not him.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Well, there's old Tumb.

[Billy Martin]

Yeah, well, that's better. But why?

[Mr. Lane]

Sensational idea, my boy. For the first time in radio history, a singing cowboy broadcasting directly from a horse's back.

[Wild Bill Smith]

And the skies are not cloudy all day.

[Laramie]

Folks.

[Billy Martin]

That concludes this first broadcast from Old Tumblewood. But before I sign off, I'd like you to meet the prettiest gal in Texas. We had a little misunderstanding, folks, but. Well, I reckon it's all cleared up. What do you say, Miss Ann?

[Miss Anne]

I reckon. What would you say, Laramie?

[Laramie]

Well, I reckon it. What did you say, Mr. Lane?

[Mr. Lane]

I say the three of you move up a bit. I'm about to slide off the rear of this horse.

[Announcer]

That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the courteous job of the last act of another original Broadway play. It's bloody and Mr. Solea bowing to an enthusiastic little theater audience. If you want to hear a truly gripping play, one that will hold you spellbound for every minute of the performance, tune in next week for the drama entitled A Story Revised. Here's the kind of play that you hear too seldom. So join us next week, same time, same station. And in the meantime, ladies, remember that you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try magic Touch. And now we move out of the theater and into the street.

[Wild Bill Smith]

Here's your cab, Mr. First Nighter.

[Announcer]

Thank you. Good night.

[Larry Keating]

Campana's first night of program, starring Olin Soule and Barbara Luddy, is a copyrighted radio feature. Tonight's play was pure fiction and did not refer to real people or actual events. Why take chances? Scratching a skin that's irritated by eczema, hives or rash may cause infection. Don't scratch. Use DDD Prescription, a doctor's formula that brings quick, soothing relief from skin discomfort. Ask for DDD prescription at your drugstore trial bottle 35 cents the first nighter.

[Billy Martin]

Program came to you over CBS where.

[Announcer]

99 million people gather every week. The Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello, it is Ryan and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacasino.com I looked over the person sitting next to me and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba Casino. Coincidence? I think not. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino's home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere, even at 30, 000ft. So sign up [e-mail] to claim your free welcome bonus. That's chumbacasino.com and live the Chumba life.

[Mr. Lane]

No purchase necessary.

[Billy Martin]

VGW.

[Expedia Announcer]

Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia Made to travel.