33 Half Moon Street [SA] 650520 02 Chips For The Fish Monger_OTRRPG

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio: "33 Half Moon Street – Chips For The Fish Monger"

Episode Date: February 15, 2026
Podcast Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Golden Age Radio Mystery Adventure

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Overview

This episode revives the mid-century radio drama "33 Half Moon Street," with a tale that’s part quirky caper, part murder mystery. The story follows Assignments Unlimited agent Aubrey Mason as he’s hired by a French showman, Monsieur Paul Duclair, to provide a night watchman for a most unusual exhibit: the preserved body of a giant whale. What begins as a simple job turns into a labyrinth of intrigue, involving Russian defectors, a body concealed in the whale, arson, and ultimately a clever murder plot. The tone is classic Golden Age radio: brisk, witty, and filled with both suspense and dry humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Whale Exhibit Assignment

• [00:30–01:47]
  • Monsieur Duclair arrives in England, seeking a trustworthy night watchman for his whale exhibit. He stresses the importance of integrity, mentioning vandalism in France.
  • Aubrey Mason, from Assignments Unlimited, is recommended for the job and assigns the reliable Mr. Cannon.

"At Assignments Unlimited, we do anything, anywhere, at any time."
— Aubrey Mason [01:20]

• [02:35–03:39]
  • Duclair explains the macabre logistics of preserving and transporting whales, using formaldehyde and air inflation.
  • He’s planning a short tour in England before heading to the United States.

2. On the Job: Mr. Cannon’s Introduction

• [05:41–06:15]
  • Cannon visits the exhibit and is less than enthused about his new gig, but jokes about joining “show business.”
  • The banter highlights a sense of camaraderie and dry wit.

"Well, I've met De Gaulle's answer to Moby Dick and I've had five minutes instruction on the formaldehyde pump."
— Mr. Cannon [05:45]

3. The Night Watchman’s Ordeal and a Startling Discovery

• [07:30–08:00]
  • During his night shift, Cannon hears a scream from inside the whale.
  • Using his flashlight, he discovers two Russian dancers, Mikhail and Anoushka, hiding in the whale’s hollowed interior.

"That was a scream. And it didn't come from a dead whale."
— Mr. Cannon [08:00]

4. Defection Plot and a Body in the Whale

• [09:15–11:39]
  • Mikhail and Anoushka reveal they are defectors from the Soviet Union. Their plan: stow away in the whale to reach America, avoiding the Russian Secret Service.
  • While hiding, Mikhail stumbles upon a corpse inside the whale, with a knife in its heart.

"We have families in Russia, sir."
— Mikhail [11:16]
"That's one up on Jonah. You mean you got all that trouble just to get to the States?"
— Mr. Cannon [11:04]

5. Cover Up and Catastrophe

• [13:03–15:01]
  • Cannon decides to help the dancers by removing all evidence of their presence and takes them to his flat for safety.
  • They realize a candle was left burning inside the formaldehyde-filled whale—setting the stage for disaster.

6. The Whale Burns, Evidence Lost

• [17:36–19:01]
  • The whale exhibit burns down, destroying the body and the entire hall.
  • Duclair is curiously unbothered, hinting at possible ulterior motives.

"But it's burned down the entire hall. ... There'll be nothing left."
— Mr. Cannon [18:47]
"No, nothing left. Absolutely nothing."
— Monsieur Duclair [18:51]

7. Suspicions and Insurance Questions

• [19:01–21:59]
  • Cannon and Mason discuss Duclair’s odd reaction and his need for a statement for his insurance claim.
  • They question his motives and why he wouldn’t want to return to France.

"You know, Chief, something about that whale smells awful fishy."
— Mr. Cannon [21:42]

8. Piecing the Truth: Identity and Motive

• [22:41–25:12]
  • Mason interviews the dancers, who reveal they saw the real caretaker in France, not Duclair.
  • A ruse is arranged, and Duclair is identified as the French whale exhibit’s old caretaker, having murdered the real Duclair and impersonated him for financial gain.

"He murdered his boss and left his body inside the exhibit. Later, all evidence would have been removed when the whale was dumped in the Atlantic."
— Aubrey Mason [25:26]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Aubrey Mason’s sardonic summary:

  "Well, there you are. That's how the fishmonger had his chips."
  [25:55]

• Duclair’s understated reaction to disaster:

  "As I said, I do not regret losing it."
  [18:43]

• Cannon’s humor under pressure:

  "I guess I was born under the zodiac sign of Pescase."
  [11:59]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Job Assignment and Whale Preservation Explanation: [01:20–03:39]
• Cannon Takes the Job/Jokes About It: [05:41–06:15]
• Discovery of Hideaways in the Whale: [08:00–09:43]
• Defection Plan & Discovery of Body: [09:54–11:39]
• Cannon’s Aid and Burning of Whale: [13:05–18:51]
• Duclair's Reaction and Insurance Cover Story: [19:01–21:59]
• Investigation & Final Reveal of Real Duclair’s Fate: [22:41–25:26]
• Closing Irony and Assignment for the Russian Dancers: [25:43–25:55]

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Tone & Style

The original episode is brisk and filled with wry British wit and a touch of noir humor. The interplay of suspense and dry banter keeps the tale moving for its full length, with darkly comic asides balanced by sharp detective work.

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Summary

"Chips For The Fish Monger" is a taut and clever Golden Age radio mystery blending showbiz eccentricity with Cold War intrigue. Assignments Unlimited’s agents are plunged from the mundane into the macabre—a formaldehyde-soaked whale, Cold War defectors, murder, and insurance fraud all collide. The episode closes with justice reached for the real Monsieur Duclair, and the dramatic fate of the Russian dancers left cleverly unresolved—after all, as Mason winks, there’s always another assignment coming down the line.

Transcript

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[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

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[Labor Exchange Clerk]

The purpose of a labor exchange is to provide employment, temporary or permanent. The fact is, I can't guarantee or recommend any applicant unless they have a criminal record. I'm in no position to say whether they're reliable or not.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

It will be for three weeks only, monsieur, and the pay is good.

[Labor Exchange Clerk]

But I can't guarantee that the man you employ can be trusted. I merely type up the details, the job offered and and post it on the notice board. You must then choose from those who apply.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I am newly arrived in England, monsieur. It will be difficult for me to judge.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I tell you what, why don't you.

[Labor Exchange Clerk]

Try one of the independent agencies? Assignments Unlimited, Grosvenor 5995. The address, if you wish to call on them, is 33 Half Moon Street.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Aubrey Mason at your service. At Assignments Unlimited, we do anything anywhere at any time.

[Narrator/Commentator]

33 Half Moon Street.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Chips for the fishmonger. Not all the tasks undertaken by Assignments Unlimited are spectacular or particularly dangerous. In fact, the unusual is the exception rather than the rule. The nervous little old Frenchman who came into my office requested the services of our organization for a task which was mundane in application and only unusual in a theatrical sense. I'd already mentally slotted Cannon into the vacant niche and wondered what his reaction would be. Monsieur Paul Duclair, for such was the clown's name, wished the services of a night attendant over the preserved body of a dead whale. On reflection, it was perhaps an unusual request. I said so. You. You did say a dead whale, Monsieur Duclair?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

A magnificent exhibit. A Greenland whale. I began with a blue sperm whale, but found it too large to transport through the doors of most oils that I hire.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Extraordinary.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

You see, a whale bone is immensely strong, and I discovered that if the inside of the beast is removed and the carcass inflated with air, it is possible to preserve the outer skin and membrane with formaldehyde. In time, the shell hardens and the air can be released.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, that's most interesting, Monsieur Leclerc. I take it that you then exhibit the whale envy.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I have a great success in France and I have now, come to your country for a short tour of three weeks before I go on to the United States, where I hope to enjoy singular success.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Just out of interest, monsieur, declare, how do you pump up the whale in the first place?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Ah, good question. On top of the head, it contained a pocket of amber grease. This has a high commercial value and when removed, leaves a small funnel leading to the interior of the beast. Into this, a hose is connected and voila.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

But don't you have to make a cut in the thing to clean it?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

No, that is done through the mouth. So now we have a good circulation of air that helps to preserve the beast.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Some beast.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

The greatest of all living things, monsieur.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Monsieur.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

The noblest creature in all creation.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes, I'm sure. But what exactly do you wish us to do?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I require a night watchman of impeccable integrity. He will also be required during his tour of duty at night to pump formaldehyde into the creature.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Which sounds simple enough. Why must the man's character be so blameless?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

An exhibit of this nature is played to vandals, monsieur. Many times in France have I been accosted by those who would cut into the exhibit to satisfy their morbid curiosity that what I have on show is.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, needless to say, I have just the man for the job. I'm not sure how you'll take it.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

It's.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

It's an odd request, but you may rest assured that no vandal will come near your way.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I am delighted, Monsieur Maison.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

What were you thinking of paying this night watchman?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I thought £15 a night.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Cannon will be happy to pump formaldehyde all night for that money. I beg your pardon, Monsieur Cannon, one of our men here, he'll be delighted to take on the job. Where and when must he report?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Oh, tonight, it is possible. At the Exit hall in Camberwell.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

He'll be there, Canon, you see. That's right. I might send him down this afternoon just to give the place the once over.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

That would be admirable, Monsieur Mason. Thank you and good day to you.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Good day, Monsieur Duclair. Whatever the peculiarities of our profession, we never refer to any task as an odd job. We try to avoid weeding gardens wherever possible, but our boast is that we'll tackle anything. And it was the Cannon's sense of professional duty that I appealed. When he came into my office, he left for Campbellwell at 3.30, and I sensed that our relationship had become a little strained. An hour later, he deported back by Telephone Assignments Unlimited.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

You can say that again.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Oh, Hello, Canon. How are you making out?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, I've met De Gaulle's answer to Moby Dick and I've had five minutes instruction on the formaldehyde pump.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Good. Is it a real whale?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Are you kidding? The caretaker's cats had a brainstorm. Just my luck to get a job playing nursemaid to an oversized skipper.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Oh, it's only for three weeks, Cannon. You're part of show business.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Yeah, yeah, and everybody's having a whale of a time.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

That was corny. Remember what your Claire said about vandalism? It's on the cars that the Camberwell boys might take it into their heads to carve up his exhibit.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, if they do, it'll provide a light relief from the formalda I pump. One thing about this guy Duclair, though, he's. He's got a sense of humor. He slipped me a tip when I arrived.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Good for him. What was it, a finger? Well, time I was getting home, Mr. Cannon. I locked up everywhere.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Yeah, it was quite a night, wasn't it? Who'd have thought this dump sported a thousand arctic theologists? What's that, Mr. Cannon? Fish fanciers.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

You know, in all my years is caretaker here, I never seen such a crowd. And just to look at a whale.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, now you got a new angle on a poor fish. Look, I'll lock the front door after you. What time are you coming in the morning?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, I don't usually get here till 10.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Then I won't see you, my friend. My French employer says he'll be here at 7.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

What will you do about supper? There's a shop on the corner that stays open till 2. They say.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

No, no, no, no, no, thanks.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'll.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I'll munch on a sandwich.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Good night.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Good night, Mr. Cannon.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, I guess I'll get out the formaldehyde pump and then I can settle down with a magazine. They would have thought a guy could make money out of a dead whale. But this operator coins it 2,000 times two shillings. Oh, boy. Well, Moby, here comes your first shot.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

What?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Look. Hey, now I must be going crazy. That was a scream. And it didn't come from a dead whale. No doors all locked. There's nobody in the rafters. I didn't imagine that. I don't believe in ghosts, but there's nobody here. Hey, wait a minute. What did you Claire say about the hollow inside of this whale? Uh huh. So somebody's being smart in Camberwell. Okay, flashlight the mouth, he said. Ah, here we are. Okay, the party's over. Come on out of there. Now you're being smart. Come on out. You got. Well now. Get him.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Give.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Before I call the cops, you better come clean and tell me what the idea is hiding inside that carpet.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Police?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Oh, no, you're foreigners. You mixed up with Monsieur de Clare?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

No, sir. We are Russians.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Russians?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

This gets screwier every minute. How'd you get in there?

[Narrator/Commentator]

We hid behind the veil during the lunchtime closing, then declined in through the malt.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

How did you know you could get in that way?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I think, Anoushka, we better tell him everything. From the Russian Mosleyev Dancers. You have heard of the Mossyev Fork Dancers.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

You are at the Empire Hall.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

That is so. We came here from France, and it was in France when we first saw the veil and to learn that the interior was hollow. The Mossyev Company is due to return to Russia on the day after tomorrow. And Anushka and I decided to escape.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Escape from what?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

From Russia, sir.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Oh, you mean political asylum.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Yes.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

But that doesn't explain why you hid out inside a dead whale.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

If we ask for political asylum in England, it would be granted, but it would be easy for the Russian Secret Service to find us. They are most efficient and would track us down wherever we went. And so Anoushka and I hit upon a plan whereby we might vanish without trace.

[Narrator/Commentator]

You see, sir, the veil is to be shipped to America. We have a large supply of food and water, and it was our intention to stay hidden inside until it reached the United States. We could come out at night, then all was quiet and hide back inside during the day. Once in America, we know where we can find friends.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, what do you know? That's one up on Jonah. You mean you got all that trouble just to get to the States?

[Narrator/Commentator]

The Russian Secret police do not take kindly to escapists.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

We have families in Russia, sir.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

You know, you don't have a bad plan at that. You disappear without trace. In England, they check and find you haven't applied for political asylum. They check the airports and shipping lines and draw a blank. It only figures that something must have happened to you, like suicide, sir. They forget all about you.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

And they forget about our family, sir.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Mm. Tell me, Monsieur Duclair, does. Does he know about this?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

No one knows except you.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

That's all right. Your secret safe with me.

[Narrator/Commentator]

But are you not from the police?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

No, no, I'm the watchman.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

You?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

The watchman?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yeah. Fred.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I guess I was born under the zodiac sign of Pescase, but the watchman.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

In France was a much older man.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Yes, we know that he slept most of the night. We know that if we made more noise, we could safely creep out after dark.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, with me you don't have to worry about noise. Noise. Say, what were you screaming about inside there anyway? Oh, well, what is it?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

In the darkness, he tripped over something. I put on my torch. And there is the body of a man with a knife through his heart.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Hannah's jaw dropped so that he resembled in miniature the very object he was guarding. Whatever my employees faults, he's not lacking in analytical intelligence, his colleagues would say. As sharp as a whip. One look at the dejected and terrified faces of the two young folk dancers was enough to convince Cannon that they at least were on the level. His reaction was straightforward and immediate.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Anoushka, you stay here. Mikhail, you're going back inside that whale.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Oh, well, if you insist.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I do insist. And what's more, I'm coming with you. Come on, let's go.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yeah.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Now then, put on the flashlight. Now, where is it?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Right there.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

As you said, a knife through the heart. Do you know this man?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I think I have seen him somewhere. I cannot be sure.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, have a good look. The formala must have seeped into him. He's. He's well preserved.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

How long do you think he's been there?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Should I know? You only stumbled on him by accident. The way he's preserved, he could have been there months. Okay, let's get out of this Moslem that gives me the creature.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Are you just going to leave the body there?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Sure. In this country, in cases of murder, the body's left where it's found, untouched, so as not to hamper the work of the police. Oh, here we go. You first.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

You can know me. The body is there as we saw it. Anushka hoped she might be dreaming. I. I can't say I feel much different, sir. This is the end for us.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

No, no, no. Come on, cheer up. It might be the beginning.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

When the police come, they hold us as witnesses. Our defection will then be discovered. We will be taken back to Russia.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Yeah, that's the point. Corpse in the body of a whale. Two Russian refugees. Hang on, there's a phone here somewhere. Look, Mikhail, while I telephone you, go back inside there and remove all traces of your presence. Didn't you say that you brought food?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, get it out. Make sure there's no traces of your having been in there. If there's the slightest clue to link you with the dead man, you'll wind up here the same as you would in Russia.

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[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Cannon's call came through to my apartment and woke me from a deep sleep. At first I thought he'd lost his reason and then that he was all a joke to get me out of bed and repay me for the task I'd handed him. But he finally convinced me that Mikhail and Anoushka were real people and that their plight was a tragic one. I gave him the only advice that seemed sensible at the time. The young Russian runaways would be safe for a while, at least in Cannon's flat.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Okay, that's settled.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Did you telephone the police?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

No, my chief. I'm taking you to my flight in Chelsea. You'll be safe there for a while. Did you get everything out, Mihail?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Yes, everything, sir.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Now, let's see. Quarter after. Two chances of any vandals coming now are pretty remote. I've got a car at the back of the hall and I can have you in my place in 20 minutes. I'll drop you and come back, and then I'll ring the police. Pick up your gear and follow me. Come on, Go right in. Oh, it's strictly a bachelor's apartment, ma', am, but you could give it the feminine touch.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I don't know how to say thank you.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, then don't try. Help yourselves to anything you want. I'll just get back to the whale. The whale? Well, don't tell me you forgot.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Anoushka.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

The candle.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I left the candle.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

What are you talking about?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

You told me to make sure nothing was left inside. I lit a candle so that I could see properly. I left it burning.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

You left a candle burning in sil.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

But the blubber, the formalda.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

That fish is more inflammable than an oil refinery. Let me throw away. Excuse me.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Thanks.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

No further, sir.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

The roof's going in any minute.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, it'll be gutted. The entire building will be gutted.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yeah, it looks like it, sir. Cannon with you? Cannon.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I have looked everywhere for you. I thought you might still be inside.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Monsieur de Clare. It looks like my first job as a night watchman got off to a bad start.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Do not distress yourself. It was. Well, in short. But how did it happen?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Happen?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, that's quite a question. I'm not sure.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

But where were you when it happened?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I was having a smoke.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Tell me just what you did, Monsieur Canon.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, I pumped in the formaldehyde, like you showed me, and then I sat down on the bench to have a smoke. Suddenly, the whale started to smoke, too. You know what I mean?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Yes, A stroke of luck.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Luck?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

The whale is in short. As I said, I do not regret losing it.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

But it's burned down the entire hall. The police are raging inferno. There'll be nothing left.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

No, nothing left. Absolutely nothing.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

And that's about everything, Chief.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Now, what makes you so suspicious of Mr. Duclair?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I don't know. It's maybe the way he looked at that fire. He was. He was enjoying it. Seemed like he was hoping the thing would be destroyed.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

It might just have been the excitement. The entire building was razed to the ground. There's nothing but a heap of ashes.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, don't you see? That body inside the well was reduced to a heap of ashes, too. Whoever that guy was, he wound up in his own crematorium.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes, I checked on the Russian dancers. They're officially listed as missing. Mark you, that doesn't mean they weren't responsible for the killing. We've no idea who that man might have been. And now it seems we'll never know. Just supposing he was an official of the Russian secret Police.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Yeah, sure. Well, I'm gonna cry about that.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

That's not the point. This is England. Well, when no one has the right to take another man's life.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Okay, Chief, thanks for the moral lecture.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'm serious. If those two youngsters did kill a man from the Russian police, then they must be handed over to the authorities.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, you're right, of course, as always. But how are we going to prove who he was? How can we even prove that there was a Man in there. In the first place, there's nothing left. Not a single solitary thing.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes?

[Narrator/Commentator]

Monsieur Duclair to see you, sir.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'll send him in, please. No.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

What do you suppose he wants?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, he won't have come to congratulate us on our efficiency as night watchman.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Ah, bonjour, Monsieur Maison. Monsieur Canon. Most regrettable about the exhibit.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes. Won't you take a chair? Thank you.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I explained to Monsieur Canot that financially there is nothing to worry about. The exhibit was well insured and I shall suffer no financial loss.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'm glad to hear that.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

But I shall require your assistance.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

You gonna pump up another whale?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Oh, no, no, no, no. It concerns the insurance. At the time of the accident, I was in bed in my hotel. In fact, the old porter woke me and told me of the disaster. Monsieur Canon was in charge of the exhibit at the time, and I would like a statement from him accepting full responsibility.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Now, just a minute. You may be insured, but we're not. If you read your contract, you'll find the indemnity clause in case of accident.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Oh, it is not that, monsieur. I require a letter only to show that the exhibit was destroyed by accident to please the insurance company. You understand?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Yes, I do.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Of course, I would pay for the service.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

When do you want the letter, Monsieur Declar?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

I would like to get it off to France as soon as possible. It will save me the journey over there. If the insurance company is satisfied, they will pay us to their London office.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'll get onto it right away, monsieur. This afternoon?

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Perfect. Thank you. Well, good day, gentlemen.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Goodbye.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Goodbye, Monsieur Queen. You know, Chief, something about that whale smells awful fishy.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Perhaps. But I wonder why he doesn't just hop over the Channel and collect the insurance money.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Maybe he doesn't want to show his face in France.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Show his face? Cannon? I wonder.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Chief, I don't like that look.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Are the Russian runaways still in your flat?

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Where else?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

You're sure no one's seen them? Certain.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

I can't stall the cleaner forever, but he's been stalled before. Different reason. Naturally.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I can guess what it is. I want to have a talk to them. They were, as Cannon described them, just two nice kids. However desperate their plight, I just couldn't imagine them plunging a knife into a man's heart. And the setting for the murder was too macabre for them to contemplate. I asked them about the exhibit they'd seen in France. How did you find out about the entrance into the whale?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

By watching the caretaker. He was an old man, and rather surly. The whale was on show in the Place de la Poste and we hid behind one of the pillars. We saw him climb in through the mouth. When we heard that the whale was to come to London and then to go to America, we hit upon our plan.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Did you meet Monsieur Duclair? He's the owner.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I don't think so. It was the caretaker we watched.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

You said to Cannon that you might have seen the dead man somewhere before.

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

I think so, but I cannot be certain.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, there's no chance now for a second look. If you saw the caretaker again, would you recognize him?

[Mikhail (Russian Dancer)]

Oh, yes. Anoushka too.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I would know him anywhere.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

I'll just use your phone. Canon, what hotel is to carry in Regent Palace? Good morning. Oh, I'd. I'd like to speak to Mr. Duclair, please. Thank you. I'm going to invite him to the office early. I want Mikhail and Anushka hidden in the inner office where they can see him.

[Monsieur Paul Duclair (Whale Exhibit Owner)]

Hello?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Oh, Monsieur Declare. Oh, this is Mason Assignments Unlimited. Yes, yes, I really finished it. Tell me, for how long was the whale insured? Yes, yes, it couldn't have lasted forever, could it? Now I see. Right after the American Exhibition, you were destroyed. Well, may I ask how? Yes, of course. What better grave for a whale than to be dumped into the sea? Can we make it one o'? Clock? Thank you, that's fine. Goodbye. There's no doubt about it now, Cannon in that outer office for these youngsters. I want two more people. Detective inspectors from the Murder squad. The stage was set for Mr. Duclair's arrival. The police officers were fully briefed and Mikhail and Anoushka waited apprehensively. When you, Claire, arrived, they recognized him immediately. Not as Duplr, but as the old caretaker. Publicity photographs of the real Duclear were immediately seen to be those of the dead man and the whale. Cannon, for once, was impressed.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Well, not bad, chief, not bad at all. But what made him do it?

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Jealousy, probably. Like you, he didn't fancy having a whale as a bed companion while his employer lived off the fat of the land.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

The fat of the whale, all right.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

He murdered his boss and left his body inside the exhibit. Later, all evidence would have been removed when the whale was dumped in the Atlantic. Cunning. But he couldn't take a chance on going back to France. He might have been recognized by someone in the insurance company. So he had to stay undercover.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Undercover? That reminds me. Two Russian dancers have to be smuggled into the States somehow.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Funny you should mention that. I was just about to brief you on your next assignment.

[Mr. Cannon (Night Watchman)]

Oh, no.

[Aubrey Mason (Assignments Unlimited Agent)]

Well, there you are. That's how the fishmonger had his chips.

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