33 Half Moon Street [SA] 650603 04 The King and The Cauliflower Ear_OTRRPG

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode 33: "Half Moon Street [SA] 650603 04 - The King and The Cauliflower Ear"

Air Date: February 15, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Original Broadcast: 1950s radio drama episode

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Episode Overview

This episode brings listeners a classic radio drama from the golden age of British radio mysteries. The story follows Cannon and Mr. Mason of "Assignments Unlimited" as they become entangled in the mysterious aftermath of a major boxing match. What starts as a simple cleaning job at a boxing arena evolves into a murder mystery involving mistaken identity, a rubber ear, and the tragic fate of twin boxers, Sammy and Nigel Bart.

The episode immerses listeners in the era’s language and tone, featuring witty banter, dramatic revelations, and a memorable blend of grit and humor.

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Key Discussion Points and Plot Breakdown

1. The Boxing Match Setup

• [00:34 - 03:19]
  • Cannon and Mr. Mason (of Assignments Unlimited) are contracted to supervise cleaning staff at Earl's Court after a heavyweight title match.
  • Mr. Mason, not a boxing fan (he prefers chess), arranges for Cannon and another man to be present at the event.
  • The British Empire cruiserweight fight is set: Ned Riley (champion) against Sammy Bart (challenger, famously with a "cauliflower ear").
  • Mr. Mason quips during his chess match:

    "Check your rook, Sir Thomas. I think you've got me, Mason. Check and mate. Thank you, Sir Thomas. I don't know how you do it, Mason. You're a fighter, all right." (07:06)

2. The Fight and Aftermath

• [03:37 - 06:59]
  • The fight is called with vivid ringside commentary by Leslie Benn for NBC's American audience.
  • Sammy Bart wins quickly and decisively, apparently an underdog overcoming the champion in under two minutes.
  • Leslie Benn (on commentary):

    "Sammy Bart, the new cruiserweight champion!" (06:59)

3. Discovery of the Gruesome Parcel

• [08:00 - 13:10]
  • Cannon discovers (through one of the Jamaican cleaners) a blood-stained package under the boxing ring in Bart’s corner—inside is a severed human ear.
  • The team debates what to do. Mr. Mason is in favor of reporting to the police, but Cannon first delivers it to Bart.
  • Mr. Mason:

    "Cannon, that's an ear. A human ear." (11:08)

4. The Confrontation with 'Sammy Bart'

• [14:21 - 17:35]
  • Cannon delivers the ear to Bart’s hotel suite. Bart is cultured and calm, which surprises Cannon.
  • Bart alternates between threatening and gracious, pressing Cannon about how he got the parcel before eventually dismissing him—slipping him a fiver for his trouble.
  • Bart (to Cannon):

    "You've proved to me that you're not some idiotic practical joker. So you may go... I make a good friend, Mr. Cannon." (17:27)

5. Suspicions and Backstory

• [18:04 - 21:10]
  • Back in the office, Cannon is uneasy about being "bought off" and suspects there’s more to the story—especially with the suspicious history between Bart and his identical twin, Nigel.
  • Leslie Benn, the American commentator, explains:

    "He got [his ear] in a fight in Millwall. Not in the ring either. A bunch of hoodlums whipped him over with an iron bar… and Nigel Bart? Not a mark on him. That’s unusual for a prizefighter." (20:01)

  • Breaking news:

    "Sammy Bart committed suicide this morning. Jumped from the roof of a block of flats." (21:01)

6. The Twist - The Truth Revealed

• [21:28 - 24:32]
  • The real Nigel Bart calls Assignments Unlimited, revealing the truth:
    • He and Sammy frequently swapped identities.
    • It was Nigel—wearing a rubber "cauliflower ear"—who fought and won the match, as Sammy was mentally unfit.
    • Sammy’s instability led him to cut off his own ear and send it to Nigel before taking his own life.
  • Nigel (the real narrator):

    "The ear you saw on me last night was fabricated from rubber and glued over my own... Sammy tried hard to go straight, but it wasn’t to be... Cutting off his ear and sending it to me was his last act of defiance before committing suicide." (23:57 - 24:32)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the fight’s brevity:

  "Well, the fight lasted 1 minute, 60 seconds. What a challenge. And what a champion."
  — Cannon (08:24)

• When the grisly discovery is made:

  "Cannon, that's an ear. A human ear."
  — Mr. Mason (11:08)

• Cannon’s humorous perspective:

  "Maybe we got a modern van Gogh running loose in London."
  — Cannon (11:58)

• Nigel Bart’s confession:

  "We were identical twins. No one could tell us apart except for the cauliflower ear... Sammy’s mental instability.... The ear you saw on me last night was fabricated from rubber and glued over my own..."
  — Nigel Bart (22:28 - 23:57)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:34 — Cannon and Mr. Mason meet with Mr. Moore about staffing the boxing event.
• 03:37 — Arriving at the stadium; Leslie Benn, NBC commentator, enters.
• 04:20 — Ringside radio broadcast of the main fight.
• 06:59 — Sammy Bart wins, shocking the crowd.
• 08:00 — After the match, Cannon finds a mysterious, blood-stained parcel.
• 11:08 — Discovery: the parcel contains a human ear.
• 14:21 — Cannon brings the parcel to Bart at his hotel.
• 18:04 — Cannon debriefs with Mr. Mason about Bart’s strange reaction.
• 20:01 — Leslie Benn gives backstory on the twins.
• 21:01 — News breaks: Sammy Bart’s suicide.
• 21:28 — Nigel Bart’s phone call and confession.
• 23:57 — The full truth of the Bart brothers and the ear is revealed.

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Tone and Style

The episode retains the classic, deadpan British wit, with Cannon’s sarcastic asides and the understated seriousness of Mr. Mason. Even when the plot turns macabre, humor runs throughout, mirroring the style of mid-century British radio mysteries.

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Conclusion

"Half Moon Street: The King and The Cauliflower Ear" is an atmospheric radio detective story—combining intrigue, quirky humor, and a dramatic twist on identity and tragedy. The engaging dialogue and unexpected turns invite listeners to immerse themselves in the suspenseful yet playful spirit of classic radio drama.

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Transcript

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[Cannon]

Well, you gotta admit the boy's game.

[Narrator]

He won't lost the randad. This Jamaican boy's on his nails. Punch like the kick of a mule. Dear one. I tell you, the referee stopped the fight. Well, it was there.

[Cannon]

Crazy crowd. The English always shout for the underdogs. But I bet it'll be different next week for the Empire title.

[Narrator]

Basket fairies at Empire title.

[Cannon]

What do you mean by that?

[Mr. Mason]

Staff troubles.

[Narrator]

There's an LCC ruling at Earl's Courtland. The whole area must be cleaned up right after the meeting. I don't know how we manage tonight.

[Cannon]

Later load next week, you shortest staff, Mr. Moore.

[Narrator]

Who's desperate?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Then?

[Cannon]

I'm the answer to a maiden's prayer. Ring up Grosvenor 5995. That's the phone number of Assignments Unlimited at 33 Half Moon Street.

[Mr. Mason]

Aubrey Mason at your service. At Assignments Unlimited, we do anything anywhere at any time. 33 Half Moon Street. Cannon is really a quiet sort of chap with a plebeian taste for football, boxing and Wild west pictures. He's rugged, of course, which is just as well, because Cannon has an unfortunate habit of attracting trouble. It's never intentional. He explains it by saying he has a mesmeric metabolism that attracts the seamy side of life. Certainly, Mr. Moore gave no indication of what was to come when I interviewed him on the Earl's Court Shop. Tina's. After the big fight next week, Mr. Moore. Well, I'm not sure that we could supply the number of workers you'd need for that.

[Narrator]

Oh, it's not the actual sweepers, Mr. Mason. We can get them from the labor exchange. You see, they're mostly West Indians and work well enough if properly supervised. Mr. Cannon told me that you might be able to supply two or three men to act in a supervisory capacity with the work.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, yes, that we can do easily. I'll put two of my most reliable men on the job.

[Narrator]

Where'd one of them be, Mr. Cannon?

[Mr. Mason]

Without doubt, he'll be delighted at the opportunity of watching the big fight free of charge.

[Narrator]

May I send you A couple of complimentary tickets, Mr. Mason, for Friday night.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, it's kind of you, Mr. Moore, but, well, I must decline. Unfortunately, not interested in professional boxing. Oh, it's not that, actually. It just so happens that this Friday night my club's having its own championship match. I'm an active participant. You're a boxer? No, Mr. Moore, not nearly so romantic. Ours is a chess championship. Check. I think you'll find the men I send to be reliable, Mr. Moore. And I wish you a successful Friday evening.

[Narrator]

As your Mr. Cannon would say, this Empire title fight will be a knockout.

[Cannon]

Hi. Any objections if I park in the booth here for the fight?

[Leslie Benn]

Well, that depends. Are you an American?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

New York.

[Mr. Mason]

You?

[Leslie Benn]

No walking. Well, regulations state only members of the staff are allowed in here.

[Cannon]

Well. And I guess it's okay. Cannon's the main boss of the cleaning team.

[Leslie Benn]

Come right on in, Cannon. I'm Leslie Benn, National Broadcasting Corporation.

[Cannon]

Well, what do you know?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

You.

[Cannon]

You making the fight commentary?

[Mr. Mason]

That's right.

[Leslie Benn]

The New York Border Control recognizes this Empire fight as a world eliminator. Hence the broadcast to the States. Now, if you sit quietly in the corner, nobody's gonna say a word.

[Mr. Mason]

But I said quietly.

[Leslie Benn]

And no bad words.

[Cannon]

Well, my old mammy sent me to Sunday school every week. Stand by, Mr. Benning. You're hooked up in 10 seconds from now.

[Leslie Benn]

Here we go. Give me full sound and number four booth. Good afternoon to all listeners on the NBC hookup. This is Leslie Benn reporting from the Earl's Court Stadium in London, England, where the time is 9:30pm and the contenders.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

For the British Empire cruiserweight title are.

[Leslie Benn]

Limbering up in their respective corners awaiting the gong for the first round. It'll set them in combat and decide who will a tilt of the world cruiserweight crown in Toledo in December. Both fighters are in good shape for the contest and there's not a pound difference in weight between them. The champion, Ned Riley, with his scarlet shirts emblazoned with the green shamrock of Ireland and the challenger, Sammy Bart. The decks in a more sombre black. The colors are symbolic. It'll be a red letter day for the winner and a black Friday for the loser. I expect a good fight since both boys have everything to gain by a win here in London, England.

[Mr. Mason]

Some of you keen followers of the.

[Leslie Benn]

Fight game will remember three years back when Nigel Bart, twin brother of Sammy, who's in the ring now, fought in the. A larceny charge ended Nigel's career. But his twin brother has stepped right into his shoes to challenge the Champion tonight. And there goes the bell for the first round. They meet in the center of the ring, both fighters summing each other up. Riley has a three day crop of whiskers on his chin and snarl on his face. Bart's cool, imperturbable and large rosy tinear the hallmark of his profession on an otherwise unmarked face. Riley leads with a left bot brushes to the side, sidesteps neatly as he turns that great cauliflower ear stands up like the plumed helm of Nirvar.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

And suddenly the tempo's changed. Arch comes thumbing in like a pressure light.

[Leslie Benn]

A left, a left, another left and.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

A mighty chopping right that's got Riley reeling and the cars going berserk. Oh, this is a Sammy bud we've never seen before. He comes in again and slams home. That left and a right and another left and a right that chops down Riley like a meat axe. He's down. Riley's down. Three, four. Well, he's up at four, but boy, his face looks like he's dived head.

[Leslie Benn]

First into a cement mixer.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

And Riley's down again. And he's down again. All meanwhile, he has appeared. He could touch his composure out of it. Four, five. The champions game. He wants to get up with the refs insisting on the compulsory count of eight after a second knockdown. And he's up, swaying on his feet as the challenger comes storming in. And it's a left and a left. And over comes that right to chop down the chance. He's down. Riley's down. And he'll 60 seconds by my count. And I think he's the world champion of the British Empire. Taylor Temple, the world champion, was here to watch this fight tonight. And it's not going to be a buggy ride when he meets Sammy Bob. Sammy Bart, the new cruiserweight champion.

[Mr. Mason]

Check your rook, Sir Thomas. I think you've got me, Mason. Check and mate. Thank you, Sir Thomas. I don't know how you do it, Mason. You're a fighter, all right. Oh, it's the bulldog spirit, sir.

[Cannon]

Excuse me, sir.

[Mr. Mason]

Is the game concluded? Yes, Crawley. Another chess championship out of the way until next year. May I inquire who won, Sir Thomas? You may indeed, Crawley. Mr. Mason. Undefeatable. The most rugged fighter in the kingdom.

[Cannon]

Then you will be able to answer.

[Mr. Mason]

The telephone, Mr. Mason. Telephone. What is it? Who is it? American intonation in the voice, Mr. Mason. Oh, I know who it is, Crawley. Shall I plug in the extension, Mr. Mason? If you will. Well, I think this calls for a celebration.

[Leslie Benn]

A Bottle of port.

[Mr. Mason]

Any dissenters? Ah, capital. Well, let's leave Mason to his telephone conversation and appoint Crawley Popman. Thank you. Hello? Oh, is that you, Cannon?

[Cannon]

Hello to you all. This is hot news straight from the Cannon's mouth.

[Mr. Mason]

Cannon, are you drunk?

[Cannon]

No, I'm quite sober, Chief. I have watched a big fight from a broadcasting booth and seen the great Leslie Bannon action.

[Mr. Mason]

Good show. Did he win? I mean, this Leslie Benn. No, no, no.

[Cannon]

Leslie Benn was the commentator. The protagonists were Ned Riley and Sammy Bart. Bart won, and our job's completed already.

[Mr. Mason]

But I thought you wouldn't be thrown till 1 in the morning.

[Cannon]

Well, the fight lasted 1 minute, 60 seconds. What a challenge. And what a champion.

[Mr. Mason]

Cannon, look, if ever we get a job calling for a boxing commentator, our seats passed on to you. But right now, we have a little celebration going on in the club, so if you don't, sir.

[Cannon]

Say, that's right. I forgot you were playing in the chess championship tonight. How did it go, chief?

[Mr. Mason]

Extremely well, thank you, Cannon.

[Cannon]

No, what I mean is, who won?

[Mr. Mason]

Well, I did, actually. Now, I must say.

[Cannon]

No, no, hang on, chief. Look, I gotta see you tonight.

[Mr. Mason]

Trouble?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Maybe.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, what is it?

[Cannon]

Well, one of the Jamaican cleaners found a small parcel wrapped in brown paper under the ring in Sammy Bart's corner. It's addressed to Bart.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, then why don't you give it to him?

[Cannon]

There's a stain in one corner where something has seeped through. Yes, you guessed it, chief. It's blood.

[Mr. Mason]

All right, Cannon, dump it on the table. You say you found it under the ring by this Sammy Bart's corner?

[Cannon]

Well, strictly speaking, chief, one of the Jamaican cleaners found it.

[Mr. Mason]

And he handed it to you?

[Cannon]

That's right.

[Mr. Mason]

Are they reliable, these Jamaicans?

[Cannon]

Well, if you mean honest, yes, as anybody's honest who works as janitor. They're superstitious too. This guy Bart wasn't expected to win, and yet he sailed through the champion like a maniac with a pearl axe. So I told the Jamaican it was probably voodoo.

[Mr. Mason]

What on earth did you do that for?

[Cannon]

Mr. Moore promised me a personal bonus if I got the place clean before midnight. When they heard about the voodoo, they had that joint as clean as a widow's parlor in half an hour flat.

[Mr. Mason]

Cannon, you're incorrigible.

[Cannon]

And not only that, I got bad habits. Well, what do we do, chief?

[Leslie Benn]

Open?

[Mr. Mason]

Well, it might simply be meat.

[Cannon]

A pound of steak in case you got a black eye.

[Mr. Mason]

I wonder what it. What he was doing under the ring like that.

[Cannon]

Well, if I Could offer my professional advice as a garbage expert. That entire arena was knee deep in empty popcorn packets, torn up tickets, newspapers for the fish and chips. And the whole place, only one small square, was free of garbage under the ring. So when the scaffold company took the ring away, it was impossible to miss seeing the package.

[Mr. Mason]

That rather looks as though it was put there purposely.

[Cannon]

Well, you've got to be very short sighted to mistake a boxing ring for a mailbox.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, it's carefully wrapped and neatly typed. You know, it's our duty to hand this straight over to Mr. Moore.

[Cannon]

Well, supposing I opened it very carefully, you know, so's I could wrap it up again. Very carefully.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, that might be dangerous.

[Cannon]

No, it can't be a time bomb. Gunpowder's black.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, all right. But if he turns out to be a pound of liver, I'll have your blood.

[Cannon]

Okay, here we go.

[Mr. Mason]

Wow.

[Cannon]

Maybe it was voodoo after all.

[Mr. Mason]

Cannon, that's an ear. A human ear. Cannon just sat and stared at it, his hand gently stroking his own generous lobe. And then it occurred to me that this was a very large ear. Severed sharply but crudely from its owner's head. What could it mean? I glanced inquiringly at Cannon.

[Cannon]

Well, that's new. Maybe a day old.

[Mr. Mason]

Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Well, who can he belong to?

[Cannon]

Search me. Maybe we got a modern van Gogh running loose in London.

[Mr. Mason]

Van Gogh was an artist. Anyway, he cut off his ear to send to his lady love.

[Cannon]

Well, it could be in reverse. A lot of these dames go dizzy over prize fighters.

[Mr. Mason]

A girl's ear. Look at the size of it.

[Cannon]

Well, somebody's ears were burning last night for sure.

[Mr. Mason]

Another facetious remark like that from you, and I'll put a fee on your ear.

[Cannon]

Okay, chief.

[Mr. Mason]

Now, look, my mind's made up. In the morning, I'm going to ring Mr. Moore and tell him exactly what's happened. Then it's up to him to take any action he thinks necessary.

[Cannon]

Okay, that's the end of the cleaning contract.

[Mr. Mason]

What do you mean?

[Cannon]

Well, Mr. Moore is so pleased with the job we did tonight, he's coming around here in the morning to offer us a regular contract at his big flat promotionals. So one of the rules is that all lost property is deposited with the man in the box office. That's why he wants supervisors. Once he knows that, we remove this parcel from the arena and open it. You get what I mean, chief?

[Mr. Mason]

I don't like it, Cannon. The police should be informed.

[Cannon]

Well, there's. There's no law against cutting off your ear. I mean, legally, it's like cutting toenails. So some nut cuts off his ear and sent it to the challenger, Sammy Bart. It's a man's ear, and a big one at that. How do we know why he did it?

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, all right, but what do we do with it? I say we're morally obliged to take it round to the police station. Even if we do lose the cleaner's contract.

[Cannon]

No sense in cutting off your nose to spite your face, Cannon. Sorry, chief. Now, look, let me wrap it up again and take it down to Sammy Bart first thing.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, all right, you win. But I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Cannon, what on earth will Mr. Bart say when he opens it?

[Cannon]

Sammy Bart is the Empire champion and he comes from London, so you'll probably say yes. What's this here?

[Mr. Mason]

The heavy leather bound volume of Homer's Iliad that I hurled at Cannon. Crashed into a closed door. In a way, I was glad that he brought the grisly parcel back to the office. I know very little about prize fighters, but I reasoned that Mr. Bart, having won his contest, would be feeling a little like myself. I must confess to a certain exhilaration at being the club chess champion. And the fighter must have felt the same. That parcel, if delivered on the night of his victory, would most certainly have ruined his great moment. But in one thing, Cannon was wrong. Sammy Bart might be a prize fighter from London, but his speech was impeccable.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

You come in, Mr. Cannon. I must apologize for the untidiness of my hotel suite. I slept late this morning.

[Cannon]

Understandably, champ. I watched the fight last night. You were great.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Thank you.

[Cannon]

Oh, I'm a fan, you know. Never miss the big ones. Sat right up there with Leslie Benn, the commentator. The American?

[Mr. Mason]

Yeah.

[Cannon]

They broadcast the fight to the States. Didn't you know?

[Narrator]

Oh, yes, of course.

[Cannon]

Well, he stops in the States, you know. You ever been to America?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

No, no, I've never been to America.

[Mr. Mason]

They said at the desk that you.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Had a parcel to deliver to me personally.

[Cannon]

Oh, yes, right. I've got it here.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Who gave it? You may ask.

[Mr. Mason]

Nobody.

[Cannon]

You see, I was in charge of the cleaners at the stadium and one of the workers found this under the ring by your corner. It's addressed to you, so I thought I'd bring it round personally.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

That was very kind of you. If you wait a minute, I'll see that you're suitably rewarded.

[Cannon]

No, that's okay. It's just part of My job. Well, I gotta get back, so if you'll excuse me.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

I wouldn't hear of it. Sit down, Mr. Cannon.

[Cannon]

Well, you see, I.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Sit down.

[Mr. Mason]

Okay, Sammy.

[Cannon]

Nothing wrong, I hope, Mr. Barnes.

[Mr. Mason]

Weller.

[Leslie Benn]

Yes, Garb?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Lock the door. Yes, Garb.

[Cannon]

Look, I got to.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Sit down, Mr. Cannon. Where did you get this parcel?

[Cannon]

Well, it's. It's like I told you the last time.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Where did you get this parcel?

[Cannon]

Hey, now, look, if you're trying to get turned.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Yes, Mr. Cannon.

[Cannon]

Yeah, I should get tangled up with the future world champion. Okay, I'll come clean.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Better. A drink?

[Mr. Mason]

Yeah.

[Cannon]

Scotch on the rocks. Weather.

[Leslie Benn]

Yes, Scott.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

All right, Mr. Cannon, you were about to come clean.

[Cannon]

Well, you see, I. I work for an organization called Assignments Unlimited. You can check the numbers in the directory. Grosvenor 5995. I found the parcel just like I said. But I noticed there was blood that had seeped out.

[Mr. Mason]

It's got you on the rocks.

[Cannon]

Oh. Oh, thanks. So I took it back to the office and opened it up to have a look. Well, the boss and me, well, we decided the best thing to do was to deliver it here this morning.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

What else could you have done with it?

[Cannon]

Well, the chief wanted me to deliver it to the police.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Have you any idea where this might have come from?

[Cannon]

Well, I figured it was some kind of nuts.

[Mr. Mason]

All right, Webber.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Now, Mr. Cannon, having delivered your strange parcel, what do you expect me to do with it?

[Cannon]

Take it to the cops, I guess.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Yes, that would be the logical thing.

[Mr. Mason]

Or throw it away.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Forget the whole incident.

[Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I do. No sense in keeping it.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Forget all about it. That'd be hard for you, Mr. Cannon. I imagine your experience would make a good talking point in the pub.

[Cannon]

But I found an ear in a box and delivered it to the future world champion. You want to have me thrown out of every bar in town?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

It is an unlikely story, isn't it?

[Cannon]

Crazy.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Very well, Mr. Cannon. You've proved to me that you're not some idiotic practical joker. So you may go, webber.

[Cannon]

Well, thanks, Mr. Bart. It's nice to have met you.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Oh, and here's a fiber for your trouble.

[Cannon]

Well, that's very generous.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

I make a good friend, Mr. Cannon. Good morning.

[Mr. Mason]

Cannon arrived back at the office at 10:30 and outlined his experience with the champion. I was surprised that so able a pugilist should be a man of such culture and wondered if the glorious days of Gentleman Jim Corbett were to be resuscitated. Cannon, idly twisting the morning newspaper in his hands had no such lofty thoughts.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

He.

[Cannon]

He didn't talk like a prize fighter. Apart from that cauliflower ear, he doesn't even look like a prize fighter.

[Mr. Mason]

Are you sure it was the Empire champion you saw this morning?

[Cannon]

No doubt about that, chief. I watched that fight from the commentator's booth through the telescope window. And that's better than ringside. I'd know Sammy Bart anywhere.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, then I vote we forget the whole incident.

[Cannon]

That's what Sammy Bart wants us to do. I gave him the ear and he gave me a fiver.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, what's wrong with that?

[Cannon]

Well, I got the impression that he was trying to buy me off. I don't like that. If I'm right, Sammy Bart is pushing me around. And I don't let anybody push me around, not even the cruiserweight champion. And what's more, if he was sleeping me a fiber to keep my mouth shut, then he must know where that ear came from.

[Mr. Mason]

Check and mate.

[Cannon]

So that makes his skeleton and Sammy Bart's covered. A one eared skeleton that's rattling a money box under his nose. And the champ is headed for the big time. Take a look at the morning newspaper. Read the headlines.

[Mr. Mason]

Sammy Bart to be crowned king in December.

[Narrator]

King.

[Cannon]

Now that's what they call the world champion.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

The king.

[Mr. Mason]

How quaint. Well, he'll receive a lot of money for this.

[Cannon]

Well worth closed circuit television rights about $3 million.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, I think I'll get a trainer in for you. Cannon. Yes, Mr. Who? Ben?

[Cannon]

I asked him over, Chief.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, all right. Send him in, will you? Isn't that the commentator fellow you were telling me about?

[Cannon]

That's the boy. I heard him make a few remarks about the champ and the challenger last night. I just wanted to hear more.

[Mr. Mason]

Oh, do come in, Mr. Ben.

[Leslie Benn]

Hello there, Kenner.

[Mr. Mason]

Enjoy the fight last night?

[Cannon]

Great. Mr. Brand, this is Mr. Mason, my chief.

[Mr. Mason]

How do you do?

[Leslie Benn]

Never better. Well, I got your message. What can I do for you?

[Cannon]

Well, we got a small problem, Mr. Brand. It's about Sammy Bart. The new champ, huh? Tell me, where did he get that, that great cauliflower ear?

[Leslie Benn]

Lucky you. I looked it up in the ring manual. I thought I might slip it into the broadcast as the tip bit if the fight got dull. Not that I had much chance. He got it in a fight in Millwall. Not in the ring either. A bunch of hoodlums whipped him over with an iron bar. Why'd you ask?

[Cannon]

You said he had a twin brother.

[Leslie Benn]

That's right. Nigel Bart.

[Cannon]

Great fighter, too.

[Leslie Benn]

Maybe even better than Sammy.

[Cannon]

Then what happened?

[Leslie Benn]

Sir Nigel Bart. Oh, he was campaigning in the States. He got hauled in on a larceny charge and was convicted. If that happens to a fighter, he loses his license. So that was the end of Nigel Bart.

[Cannon]

Tell me, has. Has Sammy ever been to the States to fight?

[Mr. Mason]

No, no.

[Leslie Benn]

But I heard tell he was in America around the time his brother Nigel was sent up the river. Mm.

[Cannon]

And this Nigel, has he got a cauliflower ear?

[Leslie Benn]

Not a mark on him. That's unusual for a prize fighter. Look, what's all this about?

[Cannon]

Look, I want to have a talk with Sammy Bart, and I want you to come with me.

[Mr. Mason]

Are you kidding?

[Leslie Benn]

Haven't you seen the special edition?

[Mr. Mason]

No.

[Leslie Benn]

Sammy Bart committed suicide this morning. Jumped from the roof of a block of flats.

[Mr. Mason]

And so it seemed that we should never know the solution to the mystery of the earth. There it was in the newspaper. Sammy Bart, suicide, complete and final. And then the telephone rang. Assignments unlimited.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Is that Mr. Mason?

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

Speaking.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Is there a Mr. Cannon with you?

[Mr. Mason]

Yes, he's one of my operators. He's with me at the Mount, as a matter of fact. Would you like to speak to him?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

No, not now. I'd like to talk to you both in, say, half an hour. But I must stress that our conversation be in the privacy of your office and compare. Completely confidential.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, of course. May I ask who's calling?

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

Your Mr. Cannon will know me. We had a little chat earlier this morning. My name is Bart.

[Mr. Mason]

I didn't tell Cannon immediately. First, I thanked Leslie Ben, the commentator, and promised to take a more active interest in fisticuffs. Only when he'd gone did I tell Cannon about the phantom caller. Except that he wasn't a phantom. He arrived on schedule, a magnificent specimen of manhood, vibrant and very much alive. He addressed one remark to Cannon, who answered with a grunt. And then we let him have his head.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

I apologize for my rather high handed treatment of you this morning, Mr. Cannon. You'll notice that I no longer have a cauliflower ear.

[Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

I came to you because my brother's death this morning closes a tragic chapter in our family life. I had to speak to you because Sammy died during the time you were in my hotel suite. Once you read about his death, you'd feel obliged to go to the police. I'm Nigel Bart, of course. Sammy's twin brother. It was I who fought and beat Ned Riley last night, not Sammy. We were identical twins. No one could tell us apart, except for the cauliflower ear and Sammy's mental instability. The ear you saw on me last night was fabricated from rubber and glued over. My own was one reason why I had to finish the fight quickly. Blow from Ned might have dislodged it. My brother Sammy went downhill when our father died. Kept bad company, seldom out of trouble. I did all I could, but it was one battle I didn't win. I'd gladly have lost all the others, but it wasn't to be. I took him to the United States with me, hoping that a new environment might change him. But he was caught by the police, charged with larceny. And that was before his brush with the Millwall Gang that damaged his ear. In short, I rang the changes, stood trial for him. You probably know the result. Sammy tried hard to go straight.

[Cannon]

He turned professional.

[Sammy Bart / Nigel Bart]

He was all right for a time. The rubber ear was made a while ago as a joke. Last night, when Sammy was in no condition to go into the ring, I planned with him to swap places again. The fact he was missing his last big chance to make good threw him right off balance. Cutting off his ear and sending it to me was his last act of defiance before committing suicide.

[Mr. Mason]

Well, there you are. The story we called the King and the Cauliflower Ear.

[Additional Narrator / Commentator]

It.