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A
That's right. But I work in good old London town. My last assignment took me to the States. Really? May I ask what sort of work you do, Mr. Kennan? Well, let's see. $64. Question. The company's name is Assignments Unlimited, and my boss lives up to it like a battle on her. Come up and see me sometime at 33 Half Moon Street.
B
Aubrey Mason at your service. At Assignments Unlimited, we do anything anywhere at any time.
C
33 Half Moon Street.
B
I have a file in front of me. On the front cover is boldly typed, a kitten for Mr. Katz. To say that Mr. Benjamin Katz paid us a visit of 33 Half Moon street would not be strictly accurate. He descended on our peace and quiet in this backwater like a clap of thunder. Mr. Cast was a man of few words, but he had a lot to say. It's part of the routine at Assignments Unlimited that I lend a patient an attentive ear.
D
I'm in the theatrical profession, Mr. Mason. Casting mainly. You've got quite a few things on the go at the moment. Theatre's having a boom, vaudeville's on the way back. Television, radio, motion pictures, films, you know.
B
I know.
D
Yeah. Well, it keeps me on the go all the time. Never have a chance to sit still for a moment. I'm here today and tomorrow I'll be in the Midlands. After that, over Italy to shoot a scene of a girl on the beach bouncing a ball. That's for a TV commercial. Why they have to go all the way to Italy just to get a girl bouncing a ball on the beach? Beats me.
B
It must be very trying.
D
Oh, but I'll never let it get me down. Get in there and fight, I say. If you don't get the job done, your competitors will get there ahead of you. Romantic game show business.
A
That's what you think.
D
Cutthroat, Mr. Mason. That's the word to really describe it, a knife in the back.
B
What is it exactly that you wish us to do?
D
What's that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, a little job. They told me you handle anything. Is that right?
B
That's right.
D
Well, great. Here's my card. Send me a comment there and it'll be settled right away. Well, I must get going. You've got to be in the Midlands.
B
First thing tomorrow, Mr. Katz. Is it film stunting or something like that? Film stunt?
D
Oh, the job. Yeah. Well, I didn't say, did I?
B
No.
D
Well, I got a little female kitten arriving on the boat train lunchtime tomorrow. She's got someone on the train looking after her and he'll hand the kitten to your man in the platform buffet if he's there at lunchtime. Now, just look after her until I get back from the Midlands day after tomorrow. Well, now I really must run. Been a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Mason. Do you ever go to the theater often? Well, I'll send you tickets for my next review. Goodbye.
B
Good afternoon, Mr. Katz.
D
You okay?
B
Chief Cannon. Nice to see you. Come in.
A
You. You having trouble with that guy?
B
No, no, just a can't. He's a little exuberant.
A
Well, he must have spent his prenatal days on the machine gun fire.
B
How was the trip to Washington?
A
Oh, went off without a hitch. Do I get a furlough?
B
Surely five days on the Queen Elizabeth was enough.
A
Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. So I'm reporting for duty.
B
As it happens, I have a small thing here for tomorrow.
A
The Mr. Katz, the man who just left.
B
How did you know his name?
A
I looked in the appointment score.
B
He's got a kitten arriving on the boat train at King's Cross tomorrow. We have to look after it until he gets back from the Midlands.
A
So you want me to go to King's Cross with a quart of milk.
B
Or something like that? The kitten's in charge of a man on the train. He'll hand over to you in the platform buffet at lunchtime.
A
Well, how will I know this guy?
B
Well, there shouldn't be any difficulty. Canon, how many people on Kings Cross station will have kittens for company?
A
That's a good question. And what do I do with a kitten when I've collected it?
B
You're in charge until Mr. Cass gets back. We'll take it to your flat if you like. Anything. So long as you don't lose it.
A
Uh huh. Hey, what do I. What do I feed this kitten on?
B
Oh, I don't know. Cream, I suppose. I've never kept cats. Well, what's the joke?
A
I was just thinking. You've never kept cats and now you're working for one.
B
Late the following morning, Cannon, after a short consultation with a pet shop in Charing Cross, left for his assignation with a kitten at lunchtime. He was sipping an Old and Mild in the platform buffet when the boat train pulled into the station. He carefully scanned the passengers for some sign of a man and a kitten.
C
Pardon, monsieur. Are you the gentleman who has sent to meet me?
A
Wow. I. I mean, I wish I was.
C
But Monsieur Katz said there would be a gentleman to meet me in the platform. Buffy. And you are the only gentleman. Could Serve by yourself.
A
Did you say Mr. Katz?
C
Well, monsieur, he is my agent.
A
But Mr. Katz said I was to meet a kitten.
C
That is what they call me in France, monsieur. My name is Marie Lavour.
A
Oh, Marie Lavor. So. So you're the kitten I had to meet, huh?
C
Is the idea distasteful to you, monsieur?
A
Distasteful? For once. I've got me an assignment. That's the cat's whiskers.
B
Yes. Cannon's job was to act as chaperone to a 6 kid. I just hadn't understood the theatrical puns of my flamboyant client. A lesser man might have been a little nonplussed by this turn of, well, of events. But Cannon was not in the least bit disturbed.
A
You see, Marie, the chief got the whole thing wrong. He's simply on the trail of a feline. Well, come think of it. He wasn't all that far out after all.
C
Well, I'm in your hands, monsieur. Where shall you go?
A
Well, that's a question, Marie, that causes a conflict in my mind. Should I follow the line of duty or countermand my chief's orders and change them to suit the situation?
C
I don't quite follow you.
A
Well, my orders were to feed you on cream and keep you in my flat.
C
Then you exchange your orders, monsieur.
A
I was afraid you said, eh, I never eat cream.
C
It's bad for my figure.
A
Yeah, this job gets better by the minute. Hey, do cats eat curry?
C
Delicious.
A
Then we'll eat curried chicken at Veeraswami's. And then, well, let's. Let's go chew on a chicken first, huh?
B
Over the curry. Cannon warmed to his task. The change in doubt for his charge had been drastic. But Cannon looked for all the world like a cat at a bowl of cream. This didn't prevent him putting some pertinent questions to the lovely Miss Lavour.
A
Oh, by the way, Marie, what happened to your luggage?
C
I have just an overnight bag. This one.
A
Do you usually travel so late, Monsieur?
C
Kat telephoned just one hour before the ferry left. He said I was to drop everything and come. That's not uncommon in show business, you know. He said he would provide everything for me at this end.
A
Well, I guess he'll do that when he gets back tomorrow. Where does he live? This guy Katz is home, you mean?
C
Oh, I have no idea. I wish I did. Then I would go there.
A
Well, if he wanted you to do that, he would have said so. Well, maybe Mrs. Katz is in residence. And if she got a look at you, she might Get Papa to change his vocation.
C
Oh, but it will still be a difficult 24 hours for me now.
A
How come?
C
I'm hoping for my big break in England. Mr. Katz says there is a good chance that I will get a part in a new film there to shoot at El Street. You know this place?
A
Sure, half an hour from here in Borehamwood. But why is it so difficult?
C
In the cinema world, one must be seen only in the best places with the right people.
A
Oh, you should have said. I'd have taken you to tea at Buckingham Palace.
C
Oh, please do not misunderstand me. It's just because I haven't my luggage with me. I haven't even a change of clothes. If I book into a small, out of the way hotel and someone sees me, then it will start bad gossip for me. A cinema star must live only in the best places. Yet alas, I cannot book into a good hotel because they will ask why I have no luggage.
A
And the film star is never far from her pantechnican. Yeah, I always wondered why film stars were a bit screwy. I'm learning. But you know, you don't have to worry, Marie. You can stay the night in my flat. How's that?
C
You're very kind, Monsieur Canon, but that would not be proper now would it?
A
Well, it would if I bedded down the flop house around the corner.
C
You would really give up your flats for one night?
A
For me, mademoiselle, I'm a regular galahad. But there's a condition.
C
Oh?
A
After you've met up with cats and gotten organized on this movie, I take you out to dinner and we'll do it on your conditions. The right people, that's me, and the right place. Beer and sausages and dirty dates.
C
I shall look forward to our date with anticipation and pleasure with you.
A
And I'll twist old cats arm to make sure you become a movie star right soon.
C
Do you think I'll be successful?
A
Baby, you be the cat's meow. Waiter, clear away the litter.
B
It wasn't until after his lunch at Butterswami's that Karen reported in. At that time I had no idea that Mr. Katz's kitten was a lovely girl from France. Cannon, of course, was quick to inform me.
A
So you see chief, you got it all wrong. This kitten's a real bish. And our client, Mr. Katz needs his head read for treating her this way.
B
I don't follow, Cannon. Are you suggesting that he's treated her badly?
A
Landing a potential movie star in London with no gear? You just don't know the business, chief.
B
But I do know that you all know Rudolph Valentino.
A
Valentino? He went out with Prohibition.
B
Well, I must confess, I don't attend the cinema very frequently. However, where is Ms. Lavour in my.
A
Pardon?
B
What?
A
Now, don't panic. Those were your orders. And I've booked into the hotel around the corner for the night.
B
Well, can I. Assignments Unlimited.
D
You, Mr. Mason?
A
Speaking.
B
Oh, good afternoon. How are things in the Midlands?
D
Oh, they're fine, just fine. Did you meet the kitten?
B
Yes. One of my men met her and is looking after her.
D
Oh, good. Now, it occurred to me that she won't know where to come to tomorrow. I wondered if your man would bring her out to the four swans in Waltham Cross.
B
The four swans at Waltham Cross? Yes, certainly. At what time, Mr. Katz?
D
Six in the evening.
B
I'll see to it.
D
Oh, good man. Now, don't worry about the expenses. I'll see to everything. Goodbye, Mr. Mason.
B
Good day, Mr. Katz.
A
Chief, you got that look again.
B
Ms. Baines is off the switchboard. She popped out for a minute and put the line through to this office. Cats rang straight through to me. So I asked him how things were in the Midlands and he said fine. But he can't be in the Midlands because he dialed direct. You heard that wasn't a trunk call. Mr. Katz is right here in London. That's odd. Canon. I wonder why he told me a deliberate lie. Mr. Katz was in London. Then why did he wish an escort for Miss Lavour? And if she knew that he was in London, then she'd made an awful fool of Cannon. For all his ponderous bulk, Canon is agile of mind and body, to coin a canon phrase. He'd gotten the message.
A
Oh, let me have the phone, chief.
B
Who are you ringing?
A
My flat.
B
Well, careful what you say.
A
That's all right, chief. I just swallowed a jar of honey.
B
Hello?
C
Hello? Who is speaking to you?
A
It's me, Cannon. Everything all right?
C
I was in the bath.
A
Oh, sorry.
C
Oh, that's all right.
A
Just thought I'd ring to check that you're okay.
C
Oh, you're very kind, Monsieur Cannon.
A
Now, you get back to that bath before you drip all over my Persian carpet.
C
Is it Persian?
A
Well, the guy Marks in Spencer's Bargain Basement said it was.
C
What time would you be home?
A
Oh, about an hour or so. Oh. Oh, by the way, Mr. Katzrang.
C
Oh, he's bucking down?
A
No, no, he's still up north.
B
He.
A
He wanted to know if you were okay.
C
And I am, thanks to you.
A
That's What? I told him. Now, look, if I'm late, you can play solitaire. There's a deck of cards in the bureau.
C
I'll cook you some dinner. How's that?
A
Great. Be seeing you, kitten.
C
Au revoir, Monsieur Cannon.
A
Well, I don't know. She's an actress. Could mean a lot. Or nothing. Did you follow this? Where's this guy Katz? Hanging out.
B
Oh, here's his card. See anything odd about it?
A
No phone number, just the address.
B
And for a theatrical agent, that's decidedly odd. I didn't bother to look at it closely before I simply shoved it in the drawer of the desk.
A
17A Warder Street. Well, do I take the tube or a taxi?
B
I think this warrants a taxi. But don't forget, he's never met you. And he doesn't know that you were assigned to the job of meeting Ms. Lar.
A
Unless she rang and told him.
B
Well, there's no telephone check.
A
Okay, I'll be 30 minutes. And if I find what I think I'll find, Mr. Cat's the fur is going to fly. Oh, four flights. Martin Webster Publishing Company. Anne's Theatrical Hire. Chamois Window cleaning company. The C.O. black Bridge Club. No, Mr. Katz. Well, I guess here's as good as anyone.
B
Ah, Major Farnum.
A
We were expecting you. No, no, just a minute. You got me wrong. My name's Cannon. I just want a little information.
B
Are you from the police?
A
No, I'm looking for an old friend of mine, name of Katz. I was told he ran a theatrical agency in this building.
B
Katz.
A
Katz.
B
You're American, aren't you?
A
Yeah. Cats. Yes, cats.
B
No, no, there's no one here by that name.
A
You know everybody here quite so well.
B
There's Anne's Theatrical hire.
A
Of course.
B
It's run by a girl called Sally Manger. Not Anne at all. Sally Manger's always eating, so they call her Salamonger. It's terribly amusing, don't you think?
A
No cats.
B
No cats.
A
Okay.
B
Good afternoon. No cats.
A
Not even on the rooftops. Chief. We've been taken?
B
It looks like it.
A
So what do we do?
B
Technically we have a case for fraud, of course.
A
You mean the cops?
B
We'd be entitled to lay our predicament before the law. It's obvious that cats never intended to pay for our services rendered. I'm not sure that I'd welcome the publicity, though. And then there's the girl.
A
Yeah, the girl. What about her?
B
From your telephone conversation, she's probably toasting you a tasty frog's leg over your gas ring.
A
You Know, chief, sometimes I wonder why I work for you.
B
I suppose the money has something to do with it. Now, our client has asked us to deliver the lady to the Four Swans Hotel at Waltham Cross. This we will do. It may well be that he wished to keep his real address a secret for some quite logical reason. If that's so, then he'll pay up when you deliver the goods.
A
Chief, I got a funny feeling.
B
Yes, so I. But we'll play along straight at our end. Go back to your flat and act as if nothing's happened.
A
Okay.
B
Don't let the girl know where her assignation with cats is to be. It's just as well not to take chances. Tomorrow evening at 6 you can take it on the Four Swans and clean everything up.
A
I know who I'll clean up first if I don't get the dough.
B
There is this to it, Cannon. It might be dangerous. You never know.
A
No, I'll take a chance on that. What's this? What's this guy Katz like anyway?
B
You won't have to worry about him. He's late, middle aged and out of condition.
C
Why won't you tell me where we're going?
A
Did I say I wouldn't tell you.
C
All day when I ask you if you've been evasive?
A
Well, the fact is, Mr. Cat said to take you to the Four Swans Hotel in Waltham Cross. I couldn't ring him back to check because he was out of time. Now, you see, the Four Swans is really in Eleanor Cross. The two places are a stone's throw away, but. Well, I thought I'd make sure first.
C
Is this a way to. Listen, master?
A
No, it's. It's the way to the north. The. The Great North Road. It leads to the Midlands. You know where Mr. Katz has been all this time? Well, this is it. I'll just turn the corner and park.
D
There.
A
It is for Swan's Hotel. Now, that statue was directed to the memory of Queen Aror by King Edwin.
C
You are a student of English history, Monsieur Canot?
A
No, no, no. I looked it up in the guidebook. Okay. In. Well, see anybody you know?
D
Maria, I'm so glad to see you. My most humble apologies for not being at the station to meet you.
C
I was well looked after, Monsieur Katz, by this gentleman.
D
Oh, you must be from Assignments Unlimited.
A
That's right. Cannon's the name. You're Mr. Katz?
D
Oh, yes, I am. You've done me a great service.
A
It's a pleasure. We do anything for. For money?
D
Oh, yes, yes, your fee. And are you empowered to accept it?
A
That's right.
D
Well, excellent. Now if you can just settle down here, order yourself a drink while I show Miss Lavour to her room. I'll come right down and fix up about your fe. All right.
A
Okay.
D
This way then, Marie.
C
Thank you for everything, Mr. Cannon. And I shall not forget our date. You know how to keep in touch.
A
Don't ring you. You ring us.
C
I will. Au revoir, Monsieur Cannon.
A
We seeing you, kitten. Well, Maria.
D
Now, did you have a good trip? I was in the woods.
A
Hey, waiter. Yes, sir? Where does the door at the back of the hotel. Later. Oh, it's your car, Parksy. Yeah, that's all I wanted to know. Here. Cool plumy quid.
D
Why didn't you come alone? That man might have caused some embarrassment.
C
I couldn't get him to tell me where you'd arranged the meeting.
D
He looks an ugly castleman.
C
He's quite harmless and very sweet.
D
Did you ask him where we were to meet?
C
Of course he didn't tell me. Because you said Walton Cross instead of Eleanor Cross. They have a reputation, his company. He did not want to make a mistake.
D
Well, he's made one now, the poor boo. I wonder how long he'll sit in that lounge waiting for for me to come back.
C
Might have been wise to pay him.
D
Well, the less he sees of me, the better. I know these chaps. They've noses like Pinocchio and ask a lot of awkward questions.
B
What's the matter?
C
A car behind us is about to pass. It's the same car that brought me. It's Canon Cannon is behind the wheel. It's forcing you off the road. Stop.
D
Get over, you fool. Get over.
C
Police. You decide. Please.
D
Go to the devil.
C
You crash. You crash.
A
Okay, you two babies, get up.
D
Well, I hurt my arm.
A
Pity you didn't break your neck. You too, Ms. Lavore, or whatever your name is. I'm in a pretty nasty mood.
C
You tried to kill us.
A
He could have stopped. Okay, hand over that traveling bag. No, Ms. Lavor, I'm not in the habit of pushing women around. But if you don't give it to me, I'm gonna take it.
D
No, it's all a mistake. I'll pay you. I forgot. In the hotel there was so much on my mind. But you can always come to the office to go to lectured your money.
A
I already tried that. And if you've got what I think you've got, your next office will be a selling Dartmoor.
B
Now give me that.
A
A metal cylinder sealed too well. I guess we only need a little hole, that jagged fender on your car. Be just the thing. Well, well. Talcum powder, Ms. Lavore.
D
I, I, I, I'll pay you well.
A
I bet you would. There's enough cocaine in this cylinder to keep you on easy street for years. You know, you got the wrong name, buster. They should have called you rat.
B
Can be no doubt that Katz had spoiled his ship for a ha' porth of tar. If he'd paid Cannon in the Four Swans Hotel, we'd have left it at that and put down the false visiting car to eccentricity. As it turned out, it was a profitless task and I lost cannon for four days. At the trial, the narcotics people were onto Mr. Katz. And that day at King's Cross, they mingled with the crowd watching for him. He knew this and realized that the moment Marie Labour made contact with him, they'd both be arrested with disastrous consequences. It was a good plan to have someone from Assignments Unlimited meet the lady. She'd be quite safe until Katz could arrange a quiet rendezvous. Her cover story was sound and well, indeed took us both in. It was that telephone call that really upset Katz's plans.
A
Stay wide and.
Episode: "33 Half Moon Street – A Kitten for Mr. Katz"
Date: February 15, 2026
Original Air Date: May 27, 1965
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Show Featured: Dramatic Mystery (“33 Half Moon Street”)
This episode of “Harold’s Old Time Radio” transports listeners back to mid-century London in a stylish, tongue-in-cheek detective story infused with witty banter, theatrical intrigue, and an unexpected twist. The agency "Assignments Unlimited" finds itself embroiled in what at first appears to be a comically simple mission—looking after a kitten for a client named Mr. Katz. The routine job quickly spirals into deception, glamor, and a criminal plot involving an alluring French “kitten,” the machinations of the show business underworld, and an unexpected bust.
The episode is voiced with classic mid-century radio dramatics: smart, brisk, humorous, and just a little world-weary. The interplay between Cannon and the French “kitten” Marie sparkles with flirtation, wordplay, and mutual respect, while the overall narrative lampoons detective tropes and show business antics, before upending expectations with a serious, criminal underpinning.
“A Kitten for Mr. Katz” is a spirited, twisty detective romp that showcases the signature style of Golden Age radio drama: clever dialogue, layered intrigue, and a story that veers from lighthearted misunderstanding to a much darker conclusion. Listeners are reminded how even apparent comedy and misdirection can hide genuine danger—and that, for Assignments Unlimited, no job is ever as simple as it seems.